I was in Cuba and met these guys on the malecón in havana and we started talking. They invited me to an underground poker room I thought it was a bit risky but thought why not? I love to gamble and I've been up to crazier shit abroad before.So I went to gamble and there was a waitress there and she was really sexy. She started flirting with me and then touching me so I went home with her and it turns out she was embassy personnel from Russia. I was in a ton of shit, if I say why it'd be bad op-sec but I had to gtfo. So I got smuggled to cienfuegos and then put on a cargo boat to Honduras. I was hiding in Tocoa for like 6 months until I was able to access some lawyers and money to get me home. My dad was able to wire some money since my account was frozen.I was a desperate man.
>>2648877I don't get it. Why were you in trouble?
>>2649502Do you honestly think OP's schizo rambling is even true?
>>2648877Man, your story's a real trip! Seems we've both danced on the edge a bit. I made a killing off a hair transplant racket, then, feeling invincible, I took all that cash to Monte Carlo. Thought I’d up the ante. Well, I played chemin de fer with the big shots until my luck ran dry and my pockets were nearly empty. Spent my last few francs on a lady of questionable virtue. I ended up ‘borrowing’ her passport and wig, making a slick getaway on the next midnight flight.Landed on my feet in Adelaide. I opened up a temp agency hiring aboriginals to work the opal mines. Promised them the world, gave them dust, and took a slice so thick it’d make a banker blush. Kept that up until the heat got a bit too much.Now here I am in Sri Lanka, sitting back, thinking this might be the end of the road for my scheming days. But old habits, you know? The thrill of the next con, the next escape—it’s intoxicating. I mean, what can I say? I’m Mr. Bad Example. I like to have a good time, and I don't care who gets hurt.
>>2648877One time I matched with a Japanese girl on a dating app while I was in Paris and this girl suggested we meet up for coffee but first she wanted to know if I was real which I thought was ironic because I was 99% sure that SHE was not real and it was just a romance scam but I went along with it and sent her the name of the hotel I was staying at and sure enough she showed up so we walked a few blocks to a cafe and got to chatting and well long story short she started going on about how she needed money for school and how her parents couldn't send her money because they lost their jobs so I thought ah here is the scam but then she got really flirty with me and suggested she would do a favor for me before I did one for her and I caught the drift so we went back to my hotel and told her I needed to use the bathroom before we got to business so I did and then when I walked out of the bathroom she was already naked and laying on the bed but here's where it gets really crazy she had the biggest fucking bush I've ever seen in my life I took one look at it and said nah bitch you got me fucked up I ain't going anywhere near that shit but before I could ask her to put her clothes back on her pubes rapidly started growing until they lashed out at me and entangled my wrists and ankles and then in a deep satanic voice she demanded I pay her 1000 euros so she could buy a return ticket to Japan or bad things would happen so moral of the story is don't go to the land of the rising sun without a pair of hair clippers in your back pocket.
>>2649641kek>>2650016meh
For anyone wondering, OP is referencing a Warren Zevon song called “Lawyers, Guns and Money”.
>>2649641What streaming site can i find this on?
>>2648877I was in the USA because I wanted to see Disney World and Grand Canyon. I arrived in Los Angeles and rented car for 2 days to drive to Orlando. I scheduled my flight to leave from Orlando on day 3. It took me an entire day to get out of California so I know I need to hurry. I was not able to activate my China phone in US. I got to Grand Canyon next morning and I was told there by nice couple there was no way I could get to Orlando before the rental car was late. I left immediately and headed to Florida. When I got to Texas I could not drive any longer as I was too tired. I couldn’t afford to rent room so I took nap in McDonalds car park. Police arrived and my car had been reported missing by rental agency. I was taken in for questions and I was able to explain myself. The negros were very understanding and not like on TV. I missed my flight and never visited Disney World in Orlando but the US got me on a flight with other deportees back. The lesson learned it that it not easy to drive from California to Florida in 2 days.
>>2650513You didnt check Googlemaps first?
>>2650513Lmfao possibly the worst itinerary ever.
>>2650408I wish. Warren Zevon wrote so many songs that could be adapted to film, but, as far as I know, the only thing we got was "Things to do in Denver When You're Dead", which had nothing to do with the song.
Me right now.>have midnight flight from Seattle to Orlando to go on a cruise with family>last to board the plane, see that there are several rows empty in 1st class>take one of the seats cause I was trying to sleep>flight attendant sees this and immediately says you are getting deplaned>freaking out because my cruise leaves in 14 hours>lady at ticket counter is sympathetic but says there's only one chance at making it>sprint for several minutes through the airport and get on train and sprint more>get onto a new plane that goes to Minneapolis right before they close the doors>now have another flight that I don't have a confirmed seat on from Minneapolis to Orlando, will get to the airport 3 hours before the cruise leavesAnd here I am sitting on the flight to Minneapolis now. Heart is beating fast as fuck, I feel stupid as shit. I am so mad at myself. I really hope I can get onto that flight to Orlando. It's my first time seeing my family in a long time. I am so worried. Crossing my fingers.
>Get a teaching job in Russia over 10 years ago>Am 20 and broke.>Decide the cheapest way there from the UK is overland>£10 flight to Oslo, £10 flight to Poznan>Train from Poznan to Krakow, then to Lviv, then to Kyiv, then to Kharkiv, then onwards to my destination in Russia.>Stay with Couchsurfing host in Kharkiv. >It's like 40degrees out there. Fucking baking.>Eat some fish from the street and end up feeling sick>Host gives me a coal tablet, and I'm like 'cool'>Get on the train; traveling platzkart. No aircon naturally.>Start violently vomiting. Coal tablet is making vomit black>Forgot about the coal tablet, think I'm going to die>Speak no Russia, ask the attendant for help, and she gives me tea>Spend 30 hours on a train in the baking heat, feeling like utter shit
>>2650782Seriously why aren’t europoors allowed to have AC?
>>2650785Because platzkart looks/used to look like picrel.
>>2650513You know there's Disney Land in Los Angeles right?
>>2650734And why that bitch ground you? Why do they care? It was empty.
>>2650404Why did he feel the need to do this
>>2650809Dude I don't know, she asked why I was sitting there, and before I could say anything she said "actually you know what? I'm deplaning you"Like damn dude not even a chance. Ive actually tried that about 4 times on other flights over the years. Twice I've been successful, the other two times it was just a "hey please go to your assigned seat". No one's gotten mad like she did. I guess she was having a bad day but fuck.Good news is I actually made my two other flights, got the literal last seat on one of them and i will now make it to the cruise on time
>>2650867Post pics of your trip.She sounds like a perra bitch. But, you couldnt say at least I am sorry and please dont ground me (deplaning you sounds stupid). Or a police officer escorted you down?
>>2650809Because he was attempting to steal an expensive product?
>>2650994Just said I am sorry. The bitch didnt need to be so rude.
>>2651004That's what I usually do when I'm caught stealing. Just say "sorry" and then walk back in the store and buy things like nothing had just happened.
>>2649502He left out the part where he molested a dozen boys
>>2648877i got jock itch in fiji staying at a bedbug ridden hostel i left after the 3rd night after i caught someone trying to steal my phone when i was in bed
>>2650016I wouldn't be able to muff dive fast enough on a Nip chick with a bush
>>2651004Lol because you're a fucking thief, idiot.I've snuck carry-ons onboard with my basic economy ticket so I get it, but don't call the employee a bitch when she's literally just doing her job.
