Watch Red Sonja, anons. It has cute girls, big monkey people and Eddie Redmayne at home. Not Conan or Solomon Kane level but comparable to Scorpion King.
>>214171060My YouTubers told me this was woke and censored
>>214171196It is. No tits no ass sonja doesn't even show her nonexistent tits or ass.
>>214171196It has one of the hottest chicks I've seen in a while on screen. YouTubers aren't even worth the air they breathe.
>>214171060>comparable to Scorpion KingNot bad at all in the times we're living in
>>214171263yeah, the mainstream reviewers are just making bait content hating everything now
>>214171263>It has one of the hottest chicks I've seen in a whileThat acts completely sexless and doesn't even show her body? LOL you fucking "asexual" zoomers are absolutely mindbroken.
>>214171470I'm neither talking about Matilda Lutz nor would that describe her accurately. You're correct though that my sexuality isn't as base as yours and more eugenically inclined.
>>214171060Solomon kane was boring shit.Red sonja is stupid as fuck but entertaining as fuck too.
>>214171569>You're correct though that my sexuality isn't as base as yours
>>214171680Get twerked on, wigger.
>>214171060I enjoyed it
>>214171735>Female nudity is just so like, icky and like, kind of umm, male gaze-y much? Like, you need to umm, kind of like, respect women more maybe? Can you like not oversexualize? Mmmkay?LOL
>>214171811>bro is 14 and really excited about telling the world tits make his peepee feel funny
>>214171875>I'm too cerebral to be sexual!This hilarious little shitter lmao
>>214172012>bro is black and MUH DICK
>>214172113>asexual zoomer that respects women brings up black cock out of nowhereSo that's what you were about. Makes sense now.
>>214171060Watching this movie made me realise Mythica series wasn't all that badStill, wasn't completely shit, and I wish the whole thing was more up to snap of the final 20 minutes. The whole thing feels like a pilot of a TV series they forgot to make
>>214172162Given the context you're the one who turned it into mutt's law which seems fitting for a porn addicted millennial.
Am I in a shill thread? Trailer for this looks like ASS.
>>214171196This, but unironically. Also, it's just bad storytelling and they didn't fill it with enough tits and ass for me to ignore it.
>>214172190>Given the context you're the one who turned it into mutt's lawYou're fucking delusional, you little cuck. That's why you have to try that smoke and mirrors shit about "BUT IN MUH CONTEXT!" No, you brought it up you mindbroken little faggot.
>>214171060>4.5/10 on imdbyikes
>>214172296You're dumb as a brick, porn addict freak.
>>214172322The CGI in this movie is a sight to behold. I don't think they do CGI this bad even in TV movies anymore.Given overall production value, camera work etc, if someone would play this movie to you and didn't tell you the year, you might have assume it was made in 2005, not 25
>>214171060they cast her flat chested there is no reason for this movie to exist
>>214172190dude you are defending a flat chested fridge and taking the intellectual high ground you are fucked in the head
>>214172488>there is no reason for this movie to existOf course there is.Millenium Media bought a package of copyrights for both Conan and Sonja back in the day. If they wouldn't shit out a movie before December this year, it would lapse for them.You do remember that awful Conan remake, right? This is a companion to it, except done at the fraction of budget and with zero regard for quality or even pretending
>>214172511Matilda Lutz is fine. I've seen her naked in Revenge. If her body offends your baboon brain then go climb up a tree or something.>>214172561If anything the movie looks good for its low budget and they clearly cared enough to make an entertaining movie.
>>214172751>If anything the movie looks good for its low budget and they clearly cared enough to make an entertaining movie.Ask me how I know you didn't watch it
>>214172488>>214172511But A/AA is the ideal, most aesthetic cup size
>>214172828No. I have. Also familiar with some of Bassett's other work including the tv stuff. I don't see the point in arguing perspective with someone who's either lying or stupid so I won't.
>>214172939It's not me who claims they "clearly cared" (because it's more than clear they didn't) and "made an entertaining movie" (where first HOUR of this shit is a complete slog with nothing happening, both in terms of action and characters)
>>214171060Honestly, If they got some fat on the girl and took the story less ass-mad seriously, they could have had something here bros...
>>214173041The ending scene is the only time they realised what movie they are even making.
>>214173041>took the story less ass-mad seriouslyIt wasn't that serious. Any less and we'd have had capeshit.
troon?
>>214171060I watched it.Fuck chuds and their culture war bullshit. I state that from the get go so you don't think I'm with you when I say with movie is garbage. It fails on every conceivable level, from writing to sets to props to CG to cinematography to lighting to anything you can imagine. It's not the most incompetently made movie ever, but in regards to known IPs, it's up there with Uwe Boll works. It's not even funny to watch as shlock. It's just plain bad.Also, horse best character. They should've named him King.
>>214173041troon
>>214173041They should have offered Sydney Sweeney a ton of money to do it.
>>214173774Nah, she's just a skinny european chick, dime-a-dozne
>>214173757>Also, horse best character.Did she? Did they? You know.
>>214173820Red Sonja - butterface edition
>>214173662We already have a boring-ass capeshit origin story for Sonja, and one that treats itself dead-serious at that. No flair, no panache, and absolutely zero humour, along with no action or excitement.Oh wow, what a great sword and sorcery movie!
>>214171196This. If critical drinker says it’s a skip, I skip
Just started watching this and it's already trash.
>>214174288Looks cool.
>>214171060>>214171266Scorpion King wasn't all that great. It wasn't awful, but it was really cliche.>hero is a big buff guy so the villain is an acrobatic dude who throws a lot of spin-kicks>gorgeous evil sorceress joins good guys>goofy wisecracking thief sidekick>kooky old alchemist discovers black powder>thieving little urchin shows hero the back way into the evil palaceIt's well-shot, the acting is decent, and the fight scenes are great, but there's not much you couldn't find elsewhere in better movies.It's also a bit lacking in terms of spectacle. Most of the action is just swordfights, there are no SFX monsters or big setpieces other than the sandstorm/cave fight.
>>214174316Keep us posted
>>214173757>>214174137Those guys get it
>>214174288>>214174316First half hour is one eye-roll after another.Middle half hour is pure boredom.Final half hour is where something finally happens, but they've wasted the budget to make the first hour happen
>>214174137>>214174419>>214174439Sometimes I think a lot of you genuinely have an impairing amount of brain damage causing you to experience degraded versions of reality.
>>214174316...no.
>>214171060no.
>>214174615lol, no.
>>214174633Of course King Chudzus the Man fucked it all up...
>>214174653My Two Hyborian Moms
>>214174673As is no surprise to anyone anymore.
>>214174703>evil men to blame for all the world's ills
>>214174865> literally sleeps with a horse
>>214174898>she's actually fucking the horse
>>214174898Horses sleep on the ground? I never knew that. I assumed they slept standing up. It's one of those things you might not think about until you need to. What about giraffes or elephants? Do squirrels sleep in trees or on the ground? How about koalas? What a fascinating world we live in.
>>214174943Where have I seen this guy before?
>>214175026They're straight up wiping their ass with the original stories.
They fucked up the casting 100%
>>214175026Umbrella Academy, probably.
>>214171060This movie was dreadful and the lead was completely miscast and unsuited for the role. Why did they even bother to make the movie if they were going to half-ass it this much?
>>214171060I lost interest in it pretty quickly, the nature vs. humans shit was really fucking annoying. The idea that nature is kind, loving, and respectful, is so fucking retarded. It's something someone who only watched little kids shows about wildlife, and didn't learn how evil and cruel all animals are to each other, would think. There is no spiritual "mother nature", if there was, it would be hate filled and not loving or respectful. She also isn't nearly hot enough to make a person watch a shit movie for. 1/10
>>214175094Evil chick has a cool sword.
>>214174703They had paper and scissors in the hyperborean age?
>>214175515She's glaringly average.
>>214175728
>>214174993They don't. This one does, because that's part of the trick. Normally horses lay down to just lay down in two situations: too sick to stand, or being in a perfectly safe spot and in good care of handler they trust.My theory is that about half of the budget went on that horse. And I'm not kidding. It's insanely well-trained, if you know just about anything about equestrian tricks and general animal handling. Most of the tricks it does through the movie require to have a handler holding the animal, and yet it does that stuff on its own.
>>214175927And to clarify - it's not like with a dog, when you can have a handler giving cues off camera. With a horse, you need to grab it or squeeze it with your knees in the right way to get certain reactions, on top of first teaching it that stuff.
>>214175836> they think there will be a sequel, lolWelp, I finished it (after FF thru most of it).
>>214176116Fried brain. It doesn't count as a watch if you fast forward.
>>214176173There is nothing to watch until first hour passes. The film doesn't really start until they are back to that woodland fort
>>214176193see >>214174582
Five minutes in. She sleeps with her horse? White women not beating the allegations.
>>214176271>NOOO! THIS MOVIE THAT EVERYONE RIGHTFULLY TRASHES IS ACTUALLY GOOD!
What can she do if I stab her in the stomach?
>>214177465She gets stabbed in the stomach in the movie.
>>214171240Original Red Sonja doesn't have nudity at all. It's a kids movie.
>>214171060Had no expectations but it's actually good, it's arguably better than the original if not for the turbo hot chicks.That said, to make it better, put it in VLC, turn down saturation 25%, turn down brightness like 10-20% and crank up film grain.
ARMPIT SHOTS?
>>214171196Critical Drinker has absolute shit takes and taste honestly. Motherfucker thinks Snoozdor is the best TV show in years ffs.
The studio is the problem.The director said she doesn't expect to ever get work from them last year.She did the fantastic Solomon Kane and firmly good Deathwatch.
>>214174703>Blacks in fantasy againlmao
Meanwhile in a better universe...
>>214178477>nuditystill no sex appeal
>feral child fights for forest god against industrialization
> Prime DAW will never play Sonja, Poison Ivy, Maxima or Mera.Why fucking live?
>>214178664
>>214174653>barbarian King Anus
>>214179153I've watched this twenty times and the bra never bursts open. What a shame.
>>214178664>>214178706Isn't she married to a hideously ugly cripple with less money than her? She must be messed up in the head. Some kind of fetish for inferiors. Damn.
>>214173041That's a man
>drinker says it's shitPass.>he listens to a scots man on what to watchyes faggot, I do, get fucked nigger
>>214178585Sonja isn't a brownoid
>>214178585The shot from the back is the one that does it for me. Not just the ass, the whole back. Is there such a thing as a back fetish?
>>214173041hey, they kinda made the chainmail bikini. nice
>>214171196>I wont form my own opinions because I browse 4chan and let them think for me
>>214171060Movie was boring as shit and the action was video game CGI tier. Although the emperor was a pretty good villain.
>>214172190>gay boi defending a woman built like a prepubescent tight end
I appreciate that they tried and it only has white people in it. If it had a $100M budget it would have been filled to the brim with niggers and everyone would have been covered up.
>>214171060Should have been Directed by Paul Verhoeven and starring Sydney Sweeney!!!FACT!!!
>>214171060>low test numales and trannies try to make a sword & sorcery movie in 2022 (+3 years of shelving)>the results are as expectedI'm not surprised. Apparently there's gonna be a new Deathstalker as well? I wonder how that's gonna turn out..
>>214179725>Should have been Directed by Paul Verhoeven and starring Butterface!!!FACT!!!no
>>214175150it should have been Wallis, simple as
>>214179955
>>214171060I wish they went with the hyper-feminist version. At least then we'd have something to laugh at. This is just sad.
>>214171060so is this better than the 80s version?
>>214179778>>Should have been Directed by Paul Verhoeven and starring Butterface!!!FACT!!!>no
>>214174082also red sonjia was white not ugly jew with face surgery goblin like sidney
>>214174943big nose ugly jew is not erd sonjia
>>214175094should be law if u make movie have to stick to storymaybe add few wild cardsjews suckl ugly people suckthey have no sense of good noble good looing worldso want to goblin shit everything up
>>214175150big timehuge nosenot amazonlollaughable jew larping as scottish etci bet the fighters in movies are 160 pound twinks
>>214175515in howard >>214175728stories ilbars knife special metal
>>214175728shes actively ugly as fuck with troon body wtf
>>214176116pitiful dyed red hairas if there arent 6million hot redheads ready to be castjews suckugly people sucktake money from both
>>214178499kys
>>214178585red sonjia was hot as fuckwhats with this mystery meat?
>>214178664who?bit skinny
>>214179725should have bene done by milius in 80s with april hunter of wwf
>>214179746exactlykick ugly people from making moviesugly 0 muscle shitbags should not be making moviesthey are goblinsand are goign to make everything goblinny
