>All I wanted was a NORMAL COFFEE. Just a plain, hot cup of joe. No sugar, no foam, no lecture about single-origin beans or pour-over techniques. Is that so hard? I AM CRASHING OUUUUUUUT!!!What did you think about Tom Segura's epic coffee shop crashout? was it the best coffee shop #crashout scene ever?
falling down was 30 years ago dudewe've all seen it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzb355qT8RIwho did it better
>>214691195https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZQLeeNo6Qw
>>214691249Oh my god heh FUCKING DUMB BITCH
>>214691085Release the files Tomhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrT7Gx4T7as
>>214691249based
All he needed to say was "Americano" is that so hard?
>>214691085>Hi there! Welcome to Brewtopia! What can I get started for you?>What can you get started for me?! You can end this madness, that’s what you can do! I don’t want a grande onions cinnamon dolce half-caff upside-down caramel cloud unicorn dream foam whatever the hell! I don’t want to order in Italian, I’m not in Rome, I’m in a strip mall off Route 9 next to a PetSmart! I want a coffee. Hot. Black. No foam. No whipped oat nonsense. No syrups extracted from the tears of Peruvian alpacas. Just… coffee. The kind that smells like a gas station and tastes like regret. The kind that makes your soul wince. That tells you, “Yeah, life’s hard. Drink up.” ! Not "tall." Not "grande." Not "venti." I will not be gaslit into using Lilliputian fake sizes! Small means small. Medium means medium. Large means give me enough caffeine to remember my dad's middle name.
>>214691085Heh what a crazy ideal for a sketch. Where do they get their ideas from ?
>>214691085Does anybody actually have a problem with this after like, 2002 maybe? This is such old hat, Dennis Leary was doing it in the 90s. I dont think any coffee shop will give you trouble for saking for like, a medium black coffee even if the menu doesnt call it that. Though at the same time if they have more than one basic brew then it really is sensible they ask you which one you want
>>214691249kek
>>214691085Splash of whole milk.
>>214691085>>214691434Are you the same retards that like Nicholson's character at the diner? Shut the fuck up, nobody cares what you feel about how the institution is run or how the rules should be changed. You entered this establishment, follow the rules or get the fuck out.
>>214691085This is a joke from the 90s. Oligarchs banning anything slightly edgy really killed comedy.
For me, its Burt Kreisher coming off a plane drunk, bragging about his ritual of drinking before the plane, drinking on yhe plane, and then drinking in the airport when he gets off the plane, drunkenly asking for two beers from the bartender who says she can only give him one at a time, fighting with her by saying his friend who lefts needs that second beer, complains his beer is too small, demands another one, get denied, and then he tells us how proud he is he didnt scream and beat the shit out of her, but then starts screaming on the show that what really bothers him is that when she comes home and tell her boyfriend that story, the ‘stupid bitch’ will think she’s right even though ‘the entire airport was probably watching thinking she’s an evil cunt because ‘everybody there knows Burt Kreischer because he’s famous and beloved and they all know he deserves as much beer as he wanra for going on a plane and this stupid bitch is a loser for not knowing who he is’’
Is this what old people find funny nowadays?
>>214691649is this what japs and chinks think is good character design nowadays?
i have boomer hack fatigue
>>214691085I don’t know who tom segura is and I don’t care. Media peaked in the 2000’s. All I do know is GERD fucking blows and if you can drink coffee feel fortunate.
>>214691666>peaked in the 2000sSo this joke of his should feel right at home for you
>>214691316Americano is a shot of espresso diluted with water. What he wants is a normal strength black coffee.
>>214691266>>214691291Edgy teens home on Sunday. weak
>>214691085>>214691195>>214691434What the fuck is wrong with hollywood? Why do they hate food service workers?!
>>214691661Yeah, and they're not wrong
Is the joke making fun of picky customers or how annoying coffee shops can be?
>>214691562No. lolYou're a virgin.
>>214691720pouring hot coffee over a woman is based on every count
>>214691728YesThey'd rather you're forced to eat at a union-sponsored on-lot canteen
>>214691731Maybe both
>>214691249>open video on youtube>look down>"uploaded 19 years ago"Ok, how do I get rid of that shit? How do I tell youtube to tell me the date it was uploaded rather than how many years it has been
>>214691850>they HATE YOU they want you to eat at the KRAFT SERVICES TABLE >:((((Yeah those are staffed by food service employees too pal
>>214691730whatever you say mate
>>214691712Same fuckin thing bro
>>214691085>>214691195>>214691434so fucking true though lol
>>214691085why do fat comedians seem to lose their comedic abilities if they lose weight? Segura especially has had his ego explode
>>2146919291985 was closer in time to WW2 than today
I'm just a hard working salt of the earth american man who's got no tolerance for bullshit and tells it like it is, which is why I'll go fuckin apeshit if I'm offered a dark roast and am extremely sensitive to slight changes in my coffee which I brag about not caring particularly what it tastes like.
>>214691929you really can't do 25-19 in your head?
>>214691929click the description you tard
>>214692112I don't want to think about it
>>214691085lmao it looks like he's busting a nut
>>214692128I want it to be automatic, I don't want to even see how many years it has been
Rob Schneider owns Liberal barista epic stylehttps://youtu.be/qhXQrIAzkpk
Barista: Good morning! Can I take your order?Beth: Can I get a tall chai?Danny: And a large black coffee.Barista: A what?Danny: Large black coffee.Barista: Do you mean a venti?Danny: No, I mean a large.Beth: He means a venti. Yeah, the biggest one you've got.Barista: Venti means large.Danny: No. Venti means "twenty".Beth: Danny...Danny: Yeah. "Large" is large. In fact, "tall" is large, and "grande" is Spanish for large. "Venti" is the only one that doesn't mean large. It's also the only one that's Italian. Congratulations! You're stupid in three languages.Barista: Look, dick... venti is a large coffee.Danny: Oh, really? Says who, Fellini?Beth: [quickly reaches for her wallet] How much is that? Here's a ten.Danny: Do you, uh, accept lire? Or is it all Euros now?
>consider yourself professional shock jock>be an actually completely normal person who mostly shuffles in between gigs>interact with too few people to have anything relatable to complain about>...SO I WAS AT THE DRIVE THRU THE OTHER DAYyeesh
>>214692053It's not the same. The beans they use to make espresso are roasted much longer and darker than the ones they use for drip coffee. The flavor isn't the same at all. Just make a regular drip coffee from regular grinds of regular beans in a regular drip machine.
I have genuinely never had any trouble ordering my coffee of choice at any coffee shop ever, I don't understand the issue of you don't want some fancy drink, don't fucking order it?Small coffee two creams one sugar bam ordered it thousands of times at hundreds of places ZERO problems.
Is this bit quintessential boomer comedy?Especially complaining about the Starbucks sizes.
>>214691434>Did you just ask me for my order while being a cute woman?! Fuuuuuuck you, I'm going to my car to get my gun. You'll pay for this
>>214691434You know what they say, shoot the messenger
A good chunk of edgy comedy is really just telling stories about having anger attacks when experiencing slight delays getting their addictive substance of choice.
>>214691666Bro, my dad takes medicine for that and now he can eat spicy food again and he drinks coffee all day
>>214692195You're too young to remember the rise of Starbucks and similar pretentious cuntface coffee shops. In the early days, it was literally a thing that if you tried to order a "small" coffee the "barista" would say "Do you mean tall?" Some of them would say "We don't have that" and point at the list of gayfaggot Italian names. Going into these places was a straight up humiliation ritual every time, it was only in the last 10 years that they lightened up and stopped doing that shit to people.
>>214691085Coffee shops are for crappy millennial comics what the invention of gps was for crappy boomer comics.
>>214692195I don't get the joke in the first place>ugh service workers are pissing me le heck off!!It's such an entitled piece of shit thing to think about, I get some are assholes and treat you very poorly but these jokes are more about "I want this and I can't get it!!!" and taking out their anger on some poor shmuck working a really shitty job
>>214692280See: >>214692267
>>214692267>it was literally a thing that if you tried to order a "small" coffee the "barista" would say "Do you mean tall?"Yeah it was SO FUCKED UP they made sure to repeat the order back to the costumer according to what it is called on the menu. What the fuck was this, some sort of ON-BOARDING EXPERIENCE for a new type of coffee shop experience? What the fuck, that'd be like if I went to Burger King and asked for a 'Big Burger' and they clarified 'do you mean the Whopper'? I mean who DOES THAT!?
>>214692172This is the best one by far.
>>214692267>>214692305>>214692331Just look at the menu, idiot, it's right in front of you
>>214691085why do zoomers all use "crash out" incorrectly?
>>214692267NOOOOO HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TO REMEMBER THE NAMES OF DRINK SIZES OF OF THE MOST POPULAR COFFEE SHOP IN THE WORLD AAAAAAAAAH ITS UNFAIR FUCK BARISTAS FUCK BARISTAS FUCK BARISTAS NO I ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT JUST GO TO A DIFFERENT PLACE FOR COFFEE IF IT BOTHERS ME SO MUCH YOU ARE LITERALLY HUMILIATION RITUALING ME RIGHT NOW TOTAL BARISTA DEATH
>>214692331No, it would be more like if you went to Wendy's and ordered a large fry and the cashier said, "Do you mean Biggie?" And then tried to force you to say it. That never happened at Wendy's because they were never staffed by pretentious cuntbags. The sheer self-importance of people who would get a job at Starbucks and then INSIST that people call them a barista was insufferable, and they would always try to force people into their faggotry instead of just letting people order. They had 3 sizes, everyone knows which is small, medium, or large, but they would literally pretend not to understand you if you didn't use their retarded terms. Shitting on service workers who behave like this is completely deserved.
>>214692331It'd be like if you went to Burger King and ordered a small coke and the cashier smugly said "Uh, we don't have "small", sir, did you mean a BK Kiddy-Size Sipperooni?" every fucking time.
>>214692405I can remember the names, I just refuse to say them because they're fucking gay. Just like I'm never going to order a "Like It size" at Cold Stone. It's the smallest of 3 sizes so I will just call it small. And again, they never bugged you about that at Cold Stone. It was just Starbucks and their ilk that had workers brainwashed into being complete cucks for their corporate masters for minimum wage while also being unbelievably smug and arrogant about it.
>>214692514How dare those low value employee baristas talk back to THE MAN, don't these peasants know how valuable your time is? Trying to force you to say their GAY FAGGY MADE UP NONSENSE, I bet they're so fucking pleased with themselves that for once in their miserable insignificant lives they get to talk back go their betters. They're fucking exuding a vile smugness, tuning my day, running my life, don't they know they serve me? THEY serve ME. THEY serve ME. Arrogant little pricks they should just fucking kill themselves.Put the coffee in the cup and then kill themselves.
>>214692603Not even remotely what I said.
>>214692622Death of the author sorry.
>>214692641Are you a Starbucks barista from 2005?
>>214692372its aura farming fr and im being 100% deadass
>>214692172it's venti because it's 20 oz
>>214692622But its what you are
>>214692459Sorry tard coffee is a little more sophisticated than you think and we’re not going to lower our vocabulary just because people like you can’t handle that. But dont worry, im sure you’ll win the coffee wars
>>214691730can't get behind the miku sleeves, sorrythey just look stupid
>>214691249Where did this even air with that language? Good lord.
>>214692459using different words and just assuming you both mean the same thing WILL lead to the order being messed up sometimes, and then the customer will have a chimpout about that. confirming the order before placing it makes sense. if you ever worked retail you'd know.
Dis nigga is straight up not funny
>>214694459I think canada
>>214692172Fucking owned, murdered by words, this is almost as epic as that sushi scene
>I purposely entered this shop advertised as le epic coffee and now I'm madgo get your faggot boring coffee at a gas station or something instead of the obvious hipster shop ever think of that?
>it's a "boomer comedian makes a shower argument about millennial service workers" episodereally breaking new ground here guys
>>214691738>Have sex>Start demanding everyone and everything bend to your will>If they refuse, throw a bitch fit and record it for Reddit updootsSounds like a curse
>>214691434I want her to spit in my coffee
>>214692079Humour and soul is stored in massSome people really are just meant to be fat, it's their intrinsic "ground state"The more mundane answer is that they go overboard with the dieting when they finally do it and become some shrivelled up Penn (or is it Teller) like raisin
>>214692372ong unc skibbidi finna crash out fanum tax
>>214691616Yes, and it is crazy to think that this actually an accurate description of what happened and how Burt chose to present it in retellings. He is a deeply evil person.
Old white guys complaining about how shitty things have gotten is unc af
>>214691085>What did you think about Tom Segura'sHavent seent it, I dont really follow the latinx community
>>214691434Damn nigga you passed 3 7-11s 2 Wawas and a fuckin Sheetz to come tell me that why the fuck are you even here
>>214691195Do American stores not accept cash anymore?
>>214691085YOU MUMFORD AND SONS MOTHERFUCKERS AAAAAAHHHHHHH
>>214696057Greenbacks are not legal tender East or West of the Mississippi. If you're on the Mississippi I'll trade you for riverbux.
>>2146921611. His hairplugs are waaaay too noticible2. This is a blatant Curb ripoff
Smalls aren't tall, they're smolWho writes this shit
>>214691474Ralph's
>>214691085I literally never heard "crash out" before Kanye this year. Then it was everywhere.
>>214697492Another phrase stolen from Black folx
