.
>>214735040>trains in one of the most useless martial art styles in the world>wears asian clothing for the rest of his lifethey dont make weebs like they used to
>>214735235you forgot>talks like he's black
>>214735324specifically like an old black jazz musician for some reason
>>214735324>his motherfucking birthday got snatchedngmi
i can't stop laughing at thishttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzIHyF7UWY4
>>214735235Why is jujitsu useless? Seems like it would be more practical in a street fight than trying to get roundhouse kicks and the crane.
>>214735040based.
>>214735040THE BIRTHDAYYOU SNATCHED ITWE CAME
>>214735235>uselessThe ability to BTFO anyone with a flick of the wrist is not useless, brother
Me want da punnani yeh you make me feel nice
whenever i feel down, i chuck on a seagal film and it always brightens my mood because my laughter becomes uncontrollable
Huge douche but you have to admire him somehowing into a pretty great life. Somehow goes to Japan and marries a traditional Japanese woman so her father gifts him a dojo business. Fucks off to Hollywood anyway and somehow ends up training a famous agent who decides to make him famous. Somehow become successful action hero in the 80s/90s with no look or ability. Makes millions and somehow gets one of the hottest women on the planet to marry him. Beats the shit out her lol and somehow remains cool. Continuing to make ever shittier movies but somehow they keep getting made. The most powerful oligarch dictator in the world thinks you're cool and gives you citizenship and income to just stand there and pretend to be Chinese now for some reason. Continue doing virtually nothing and being a relative success despite having a horrible reputation and being viewed as a joke for decades.
Don’t care. Under Siege is still one of my favorite movies of all time.
DEYTOOKER
>>214735405aikido not jujitsu>>214735466cant argue with that
I love how brazenly he lies about meeting Bruce Lee. I guess we have to add time-traveller to Seagal’s repertoire.
>>214735740hes also said he was in the CIA
>>214735040>ooooh, me want da punani
>>214735740It's like Orson Welles lying about meeting Hitler. All compulsive liars are the same.
dotfags must hang in minecraft
>>214735040>"i love the fuck out of cookies"...>"a government inside a government (government, government)">"Some how...everybody thinkin that...your ME....and im YOU..">"The trick is to just not give a fuck."
>>214735040>.
>>214735740When you’ve cultivated as long as Seagal, you can do anything with your qi
still one of the funniest moments in any moviehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfNW1ERej0A
>>214735040I don't quite remember why he was such a beloved action star when I was a kid. Must be mass psychosis.
>>214736270he's such a goofball
Whatever you may think of him now. He managed to fuck and get married to prime Kelly lebrock. Hard to kill and Nico I think where straight to vid movies and then he just rose up to do die hard rip off under siege which was to be fair really good.
>>214736241Jewish nepotism
I can't get that Sniper webm out of my head where it looks like he's being pulled on a dolly
>>214735040He made a cameo at the Moscow Victory Parade this year. God he was fat.https://desuarchive.org/k/thread/63659680/#63659842
>whether he was straight or gay, I don’t know, I don’t care
>>214736241Because he made really fun movies, retard. His run from 1988-1994 is flawless
>>214737124Whatever you say Ivan. How's the two day special operation going?
>>214737145you'd have to be a special kind of homo not to enjoy early Seagal
>>214735235Seagal also holds a black belt in Karate, he didn't just do Aikido.Also the style he invented and teached is more Jiujitsu than Aikido, he implemented kicking and punching, therefore making it more useful in an actual confrontation.Ofc Seagal is a fat lolcow, but credit where credit is due, his Aikido style does work because it implements force, thing is that actual Aikido, the complete useless kind, is no force whatsoever and only throws.
>>214735547The citizenship thing you can justify in being his birth right, his dad was a Russian Jew with Mongolian ancestry (ye, Seagal is part Asian after all).
>>214735740I wonder if Lees widow ever commented on this blatant bullshit. What is true is that James Coburn and him were friends, but that was in the 80s where Seagal was in his 30s and way after Lee died, so there was no chance he ever met Bruce Lee.
>>214735040Fatly moving around corners
>>214735740he is just testing how long he can bullshit people kek
anybody seen Ritchie?
>>214737035
>>214738086>IRL final bosses
>>214738086>>214737035tf is going on with this hairline
>>214738086>>214738144Dude went to the barber and said "Gimme that Assassin's Creed."Kidding. It's obviously drawn on with a marker.
>>214738224a true Aikido master doesn't need to move around much
>>214738086>tfw you invite the Uppermiddle Abzshshkhazian Warlord to the parade but then have to double the catering budget
>>214738224Damn, that chair must be built well
>>214738224They ran out of bombs so they dropped him into Donbas.
>>214735040why do zoomies hate him? they love tom cruise and they're both top tier runners
>>214738826>and they're both top tier runnerswat
>>214739185>he doesn't know https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLKoXlRCpzg
>>214735324Seagal used to talk relatively normal, when did he start doing the ghetto talk?
>>214739196i wouldn't call that top tier running...
>>214739277I think it's around 2010. It's well into the straight to dvd era where he either plays Russian characters or talks black.
>>214735403Is this cumtown?
Space Ice won
>>214739515How many channels rely on Seagal movies to survive?
>>214738144He grew it back
>>214738221kek
>>214735547>Somehow become successful action hero in the 80s/90s with no look or abilityHe did have the look, to be fair.
>>214735040
>>214738086Jesus, why can't he lay down the donuts, he managed to lose a bunch of weight back during Exit Wounds aswell.
>>214740021Belly of the Beast is one of the better post 2000 Seagal movies tbf, it's also the only one that digs into the Heroic Bloodshed genre with Seagal doing slow motion John Woo style shootouts with acrobatics (in which he is heavily doubled obviously).
>>214740389
>>214740389Seagal had trannies in his movies before it was cool
I like the one he fights the vodoo jamaicans
>>214738011How long ago was this made? Sent me back to 2013 for a moment
>>214738086>You’re a big guy>Длa тeбя
