> Welcome, students. Another year at Hogwarts. some announcements:> First, the Forbidden Forest is forbidden. It contains wolves, giant spiders, and at least one creature I released last year as a personal experiment that may or may not have been ex-Slytherin. If you are eaten, please do not complain to staff.> second, House points. Gryffindor has already been awarded 5000 points for existing. Slytherin has lost 200 points, as Draco irritated me by breathing audibly. Do try harder.> third, Quidditch safety. uhh, there is none. You may break your necks, arms, or entire spinal columns; if you actually die, Gryffindor will receive an additional 50 points.> also, note that the castle has shifted its staircases once again. This year, one will directly deposit you in the girls’ lavatory currently occupied by the ghost of a depressed, but slightly horny, 14-year-old. Do your best to avoid her unless you are seeking .. a certain form of magic.> Finally, I remind you that the Triwizard Tournament is scheduled to return next term. Yes, children will once again face a gauntlet of dragons, water demons, teenage pregnancy, and a maze designed to drive them insane. The Ministry insists the event is safe, and I insist it is funny.
