>I see the snake team is winning by a lot! In fact, they’ve accumulated quite the healthy lead over these last several months. And you know what the implications of this are, right children? See the house cup is about more than just points children, it’s about discipline, patience, attitude, and performance. And now that we come to the end of the year and it’s time to award the house cup, remember that the winners got this award because they went above and beyond for the ENTIRE year, not just for brief moments here and there, but they displayed a habit of consistent excellence! So congratulations to the snake team!… however!!!! I really thought it was cool how Harry Ron and Hermione broke basically every rule we have at Hogwarts, that shows courage children! and the way they endangered the lives of themselves and their fellow students shows balls. And that’s what snake team lacked this year, was a pair of balls. 6 million points to gryffindor!! Gryffindor wins!!!
SIIIIIIIIIILEEEEEEEEEENCEEEEEEE
Tbh once you find out that Dumbledore knew Harry was probably a Horcrux all along, it makes sense. Basically Dumbledore is not sure that Harry will survive confronting Voldemort later in life so is trying to be nice to him. It's like giving a cancer patient a nice gift of experience.He also probably feels guilty because if he stopped Tom Riddle when he was a teenager or got through to him then Harry wouldn't have been in the situation he was, nor would Britain be so fucked.
>when the total npc coworker thread hits
>>215999627Does that really make sense as a motivation? I mean if I put myself in Dumbledore's shoes, I would probably be aware that Malfoy had just as much potential to be a powerful wizard as Harry, but was at risk of being led astray by the death eaters, so I would give all the adulations to him to make him feel appreciated by Hogwarts and keep him out of trouble. How would it be remotely healthy for Harry to be emancipated from his abusive family, then immediately placed into the public demonstrations of adulation that clearly fucked up his half-brother (Dudley?)I'm kind of interested in revisiting the Harry Potter series as an allegory for how difficult it is to raise a child star, since that's essentially what Harry is.
>ugh September is coming, soon I will have to deal with that faggot Riddle and his buddies again>>teleport to Hitler's bunker>IMPERIO>I command you to send plane to bomb this exact orphanage in London>Albus, you genius, 10 points to Gryffindor
>"HARRY DID YOU FUCKING HAVE SEX WITH HERMIONE WITHOUT MY FUCKING PERMISSION!?" Dumbledore bellowed meekly as the great hall quieted down, shocked at the headmasters sudden calm outburst.>"It wasn't m-me headmaster, I swear!" Replied Harry.>"YOU LYING CUNT, I'M GONNA CHOP YOUR FUCKING BALLS OFF!" Roared Dumbledore politely.>"BUT FIRST . . . " Dumbledore's gaze fell upon Hermione, who was petrified, and quivering.>YOU FUCKING SLUT! HOW COULD YOU?! THIS WILL NOT STAND!" Dumbledore shouted quietly.>"It's not true headmaster! It's simply not true." Hermione said, sobbing.>"YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW YOU'RE PREGNANT?! YOU FUCKING STUPID BITCH, I CAN SMELL IT ON YOU, AND IF YOU THINK I'M LETTING THAT MONSTER INTO THIS WORLD YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER THING COMING HO!" He yelled faintly.>Dumbledore raised his wand, pointing it at Hermione's stomach.>"EXPECTO ABORSHUN!">Hermione began screaming and writhing in pain as her limbs extended and a fetus began slowly coming out of her vagina.>Shouts and pandemonium erupted in the Great Hall.>Dumbledore chuckled as the spell completed, leaving Hermione unconscious as a small fetus lay on the ground.>"YEETUS FETUS!" Dumbledore said calmly, before the stunned onlookers watched him quickly stretch his legs over to the fetus and kick it through the Great Hall windows into the lake below.>Mr. Filch blows a whistle and signals for a touchdown>Dumbledore smiled, before quickly turning around and raising his wand at Professor Flitwick>"AVADA KEDAVRA!"
The entire plot of the first book could have been easily solved if Harry just went to a professor instead of stupidly trying to solve everything himself as an 11 year old child.
>>215999768Why would he care that Harry grows to be a little shit if he is going to get avada'd anyway?
>>215999870Abused kids don't trust adults easily.
>>215999850what the hell did Flitwick do to deserve that
He bellowed softly
>for you see children>there is a good house full of good wizards called gryffindor >and a bad house full of bad wizards called slytherin >we must round up the bad wizards and massacre them all>send them back to their vile mothers and hateful fathers as corpses >foolish to ever entrust their children in my care
>>215999705>thread>live for womens' approval
>>215999277>Ex boyfriend of Wizard HitlerWhy did they put this guy in charge of kids?
>>215999277>I have decided>to take all points from Slytherin>all points from Hufflepuff>and all points from Ravenclaw>and give them all to Gryffindor >because I like Gryffindor the best>and I'm headmaster so you can't stop me
>>215999277>follow all the rules>get punished>see someone else break all the rules>they get rewarded>decide to break all the rules too>get punishedNo wonder slytherin keeps churning out villains
>I shall do this every year>no matter how many good deeds any Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw or Slytherin does to earn them house points>I will simply step in on the last day and award Gryffindor the needed points to surpass the first place house>I will do so to teach the other three houses a very important lesson>that you are inferior students and inferior students do not get a day of celebration at hogwarts
>hey Shitherins >why don't you open up an evil magic school in England>oh no?>only Hogwarts?>so the only chance you have to gain a magical education is through me and my school? >well I guess that means you'll have to put up with a biased homosexual who fucking hates your stupid house
>>215999277How could Dumbledore do this, lads?
>>215999850>HO!" He yelled faintlywhy is it always the dumbest shit that gets me
What was his tax policy
>>215999277lol
>>215999627>>215999277Dumbledore was playing the long game. Giving Harry positive school experiences and allies among the students was necessary for the war.
>>215999277This is basically how their sport works too.
>>215999705I'll never understand this idea that war is a good thing and men should be killing each other instead of making things.
>Now I must implore this council>it is tragic that Wyman Hoofroofie, a student in his 7th year, was caught doing inexcusable things to first year Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw students>but Mr. Hoofroofie is a proud Gryffindor with a very talented wizarding career in front of him>and I'd hate to see such a forgivable, childish misunderstanding derail that>the fair thing is to forget all this so Mr. Hoofroofie may have a prospering career at the Ministry of Magic
>>216001305That's basically what Durmstrang was. Except not in England.
>>215999277>the cup glowed under the candlelight of the great hall as a third piece of paper flew out, Dumbledore grabbed it in mid-air>"and the Hogwarts champion is...>HAR... CEDRIC... Diggory!" >"this will not do", the headmaster seethed calmly under his breath>"a filthy subhuman badger fucking Hufflepuff representing Hogwarts? No, I think not">"but how to make it look like an accident?" the old warlock used as he stretched his legs past the portrait of Salazar Slytherin>"Ah! Of course!"
>>216000492He was the most powerful wizard in the world, probably ever. The Ministry had to appease Dumbledore by providing him with fresh children to keep him compliant.
Americans don't understand that this is exactly how English boarding schools work sans magic. Whichever teacher has the highest rank pulls that rank and makes sure their favored dorm/house/whatever wins all the shit. Like that's Snape's whole thing in the early books with how he always arbitrarily awards/subtracts points based on what dorm you're in. It's a system designed by, for, and to create psychopaths. The unfairness of it is the point.
>>216001657Almost every state school in the UK has some kind of house system, it's not unique to boarding schools.
>>215999277Look maybe Dumbledore gave some extra points to Gryffindor but it wasn't 6 million, and mostly for herbology if you know what I'm sayin
>effective immediately I am raising tuition on all Slytherin students >we are tearing down the Gryffindor dormitories to build what I have dubbed the Gryffindor residences>the days of Gryffindor students having to sleep in a giant circle are finished>and the days of private suites with dedicated house elf cleaning teams is upon us
>>215999956Midge
>>215999277This is how the real world works, too. Sucks to suck
>HOWEVER>a goblin friend of mine informed me that the DraftKings odds for Slytherin winning the House Cup were very low>while the odds for Gryffindor winning the House Cup were very high>so he proposed a simple solution that financially would benefit us both
>>215999277>unfortunately we have allegations that a Slytherin student referred to a Ravenclaw as a "M*dblood">Hogwarts has a zero tolerance policy when it comes to bigotry
>>215999914Ron wasn't abused, Hermione probably wasn't either
>>216001657The only person in the series that wanted to change that retarded system is Voldemort btw.
You ever think about how the horcrux in the last book was creating bad vibes and making everyone pissed off? Then you remember Harry himself is a horcrux and so its possible that the Dursleys treated harry the way they did because his evil aura, for lack of a better word, made them hate him. I feel like this should have been talked about some in the books. Its makes a lot of sense and otherwise the dursleys behavior just doesn't make any sense.
>>216001711Where will Gryffindors sleep while it's being built?
>>216002268Hufflepuff dorms will be used and huffleniggers can sleep in the sewers with the giant death snake.
>philosopher's stone can literally never be retrieved by voldemort/quirrell because of the spell dumbledore put on it>harry literally only put the stone in danger by doing what he did>reward him for it???
>>216002268>every Gryffindor male will choose a Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, or Slytherin female to be his designated bed-warmer >every Gryffindor female will choose a Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, or Slytherin who will sleep in tents in the hallways>not magic tents like the ones at the Quiddich Cup either, shitty muggle tents
>>216002376The mirror of erised was actually a device used to trap ghosts and spirits. They see what they desire and become trapped by it. Anything which cannot be physically interacted with is vulnerable to the mirror. Like a ghost busters device or something. So dumbledore was assuming that voldemort was in some form akin to a ghost and might be vulnerable to the mirror. Thats why it was set up the way it was. It was all a trap to make voldy look into the mirror it just didn't work.
>>216002134>>216002456you guys can psychoanalyze the subtext all you want but I doubt JK Trannyhater was that clever keep in mind she named the one asian character "cho chang", she's not Hemingway she got very lucky with a solid YA idea
>>215999277Someone needs to do one of these but in Trump's voice.
>>216001563It means they want chads to kill incels so only prime seed gets inserted in their vaginas
>>216001895>... except when directed to Slytherins or if the bigotry in question amuses me
>2159996271>2160004922>2160011283>2160013054 >2160020405
>>216002547>Mr. Malfoy allow me to explain to you the concept of punching up and punching down>when a historically disparaged house like Gryffindor insults or even physically harms Slytherins, they do so while opposing systematic oppressions in the wizarding community >whereas when a Slytherin harms a Gryffindor in any way, they are supporting that same systemic oppression
https://vocaroo.com/nUt57wURU0C
>>215999705>men used to go to warand do the zestiest shit
>>216002753
>>215999277profizz Ape: ayo! dumby dork, git deez bitches twerkin wit da imp spell , aight nigga? where da fried chicken at already! yermi!
>>215999277Siding with the bad guys. Such a classic contrarian 4chan move.Stay bitter, incel.lol
>>216001403'yelling faintly' yet in all caps IS pretty funny. I don't understand OP's motivation though. As if he actually rooted for the villains while watching.
>>216002788slytherin did literally nothing wrong in the first book thoGryffindor broke the rules nonstop
>>215999705>NOOOOOO HE CANT JUST SIT LIKE THAT IT DISTURBS MY FOIDBRAIN TIME TO PUBLICALLY SHAME HIM FOR DOPAMINE POINTS HEHE :))))
>>216002788>Ms Parkinson, we take all allegations of sexual misconduct very seriously at Hogwarts>however I must mention, the Sorting Hat did choose to place your so-called attacker in Gryffindor, a house of chivalry and honor>while you were placed in Slytherin, a house of lies and deceit >so while your panties might be stained with blood there are a dozen magical spells that could have caused that
>>216002830Their entire society is based on their predecessors violating physical laws through sorcery. So of course they celebrate rule-breaking.
>>216002830Harry Potter is the protagonist and hero. You're reading the book incorrectly if your loyalties lie with the cruel little Snake bastards. But again, this is 4chan, so you're lying anyway. There's a 0% chance any of these posts have been made in good faith and we all know it. But carry on. You have nothing but time.
>>216002456that might have still worked if harry wasn't thereinstead voldemort used harry to retrieve the stone
>>216002887This. Think outside the box. It was YOUR finger all along, Willow Osgood!
>>216002903>I'm terribly sorry Slytherin but all of the points you earned this year have been deemed as being in bad faith>they are all erased>Gryffindor, whose points were earned in good faith, now wins the House Cup!
yeah HP has almost as much "but I am the main character" writing as naruto
Very unfunny reddit nigger tier posting ITT
>teacher breaks the rules allowing a first year to play on the quidditch team and also buys him a riced out broom
>>216003040He was the chosen one. It's like you're both familiar and totally unfamiliar with the story at once. Have some sex. You're an adult now.
>>216003040>and Diggory grabs the snitch! Hufflepuff beats Gryffindor!>"NO! NO!" shouted a bellowing voice>"RESTART THE MATCH AT ONCE!"
>>216003103chosen by whomst?
>>216003157The scar? I don't know. I'm an adult and yet I seemingly still know more than you. I know Harry was the prophesized one. It's in the first story FFS. Just through cultural osmosis I know this despite never having read any of the novels or seen any of the movies.
>>216003196well I just finished the full cast audiobook one which was good btwnot sure why you're in the thread seething if you haven't even read/seen it
>>216002539But incel is hanging back in much less danger working with artillery while Chad is in the thick of it getting shot and shelled
>>216003040I don't think that's breaking any rules. It's just unlikely for a first year to be good enough to make the team
>>215999277harry potter is just shitty version of ender's game; prove me wrong.
>>216003336Does Ender's Game take place at a British boarding school, and does it have different houses?
>>216002887I wonder how much actual effort went into building the hogwarts castle itself, although it's still not totally clear if the building was originally made as a school
>rowling decides to do prequels with adults, set in america, not in a boarding schoolwhat a retard
>>216003358NoYes, sort of
>>216003414Also it is a boarding school, just not a British one
>“So that’s fifty each for Potter, the two Weasleys, Longbottom, and Miss Granger,” said Professor McGonagall, and a shower of rubies fell down into the bottom bulb of Gryffindor’s hourglass as she spoke. “Oh — and fifty for Miss Lovegood, I suppose,” she added, and a number of sapphires fell into Ravenclaw’s glass.- actual passage from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. It's an afterthought that Ravenclaw might get some points as well
>>216002040Ron was kind of an idiot and tagged along cuz he was told to, Hermione is a bit harder to excuse but you could chalk it up to something something wizard racism and call it a day
>>216003414>>216003435A big appeal of Potter is that its fantasy world is steeped in the Old World class structure.
>>215999277These threads will never cease to amuse me>>215999975Not you, youre a newfag trying to force a new meme
>for his bravery, I award Neville Longbottom 10 points! Gryffindor wins the House Cup!>Snape stands up>well then I award Draco Malfory 15 points for perseverance! Slytherin wins the House Cup!>Dumbledore's face turned as red as a newborn phoenix>Absolutely not! Those 10 points to Nevile Longbottom were the last points of the school year! All points are final now and Gryffindor wins!
ethics in house cup competition points
>>215999705I'm so confused. What is the "problem" here supposed to be?
>You know how Harry Potter's world seems credible at a glance but is fucking stupid if you stop to actually think about it? Well that's how women perceive the world IRL too
>>216003758>transfer to another middle school>they have a really good football team>but absolutely nobody in the school can play QB>so you, an 11 year old boy, become QB1 for the high school varsity football team, playing against 16 and 17-year-olds
>>216003224So you can back me up that Harry is the chosen one. I'm not "seething" about anything. I'm simply chiding anyone for pretending like the bad guys were screwed over and the boss wizard is wrong. It's just stupid and wrong. Really has nothing to do with HP at all. More the fucking incels who make threads about old movies and nitpick shit to retell it as "Nedry did nothing wrong" or whatever. It's part of something bigger. A whole attitude of "reassessing the past". It's dangerous and wrong. We already have people acting like the Axis were the good guys in WW2. I can't condone that kind of discussion. It's reprehensible.
>>215999277>endangered the lives of themselves and their fellow students shows balls.Who did they endanger besides themselves? On the contrary, they saved their country from whatever horrors Voldemort would wreak if he not only returned but was immortal thanks to the stone (too bad he returned anyway a few years later but whatever). So yes, the moral of the story is that it's okay to break the rules if you're heroically saving the lives of thousands and that should actually be rewarded.
>>216003741Men are manly men who get dirty with their muscles from doing MAN'S work. Sitting on ass playing computer is not manly? I don't know. Social media is for faggots.
I'm reading the first book now. It's clear that the original director Chris Colombus saw the first two books as fun whimsical kids books and deep down knew he couldn't make the later books into a good movie. Those movies after the 3rd one are pretty awful, with terrible CGI. Did they not want to use the real sets that Chris Colombus made? In one of the later movies they go back to where Harry stabbed the book with the snake fang and it's entirely and awfully green screened. I know they have the real set still so I was baffled.
>>216003942it's called having perspective beyond "main character is the only important one and always right" You remember the Clerks scene about all the independent contractors that were blown up while building the 2nd death star? it's funny because in the books/movies, it's presented as this big happy moment of celebration because harry & his friends help their school win the cup, but if you consider it for a few seconds you realize how unfair and nepotist it is to the other houses, especially slytherin
>>215999277This scene must have been so bizarre for the students who weren't in the loop.>50 points for "intellect">50 points for "playing a good game of chess">60 points for "love and courage"If you had no idea what happened this would seem like absolute bullshit.
>>216003974you want a weird bit of trivia? The new NYC Mayor Zohram Mamdani's mother was the original choice to direct Order of the Phoenix, but Zohram convinced mommy to make some shitty independent film about being brown in america
>>216003660Heh
>>216004010It would have been worse. I liked the 3rd movie but it's clearly nowhere near as good as the first two
>>216004031Oldman saves the third movie and the fourth movie is fun - Pattinson, Gleeson, Tennant, the whole tournament 5th onward is slop, by the time they started dividing them into part 1 and part 2 it got unwatchable
>>215999850this was retarded but yeetus fetus got me. it wasn't even a spell, he just shouted it while he kicked the fetus out of the great hall kek
>>215999850More flitwick torture.
>>215999627Britain would eventually be conquered by pajeets anyway lol
>>216001568>DRACO MALFOY DID YOU AND YOUR TEAM GANGRAPE ANOTHR FIRST YEAR IN THE QUIDDITCH STOREROOM, YOUR FATHER GAIN ONLY ENDOW SO MUCH MONEY BEFORE PARENTS ATART ASKING QUESTIONS
>>216004171>we have solid evidence that Draco Malfoy committed the rapes at the Gryffindor dormitories>but headmaster, the Gryffindor dormitories are protected by magic that only allows Gryffindor students inside, there's no way Draco could have...>Draco somehow got past them>but headmaster, Draco was thousands of miles away vacationing with his family>Draco must have had a magic portal
>>215999705Trax doesn't look like he went to war. Kind of hypocritical.
>>215999627This Tho you only realize on the second read and fucking almost no one reads these books twice because why the fuck would you?It’s a children’s story.
>>216003521you can really get the drapes in any color you want.
>>215999768> if I put myself in Dumbledore's shoes, I would probably be aware that Malfoy had just as much potential to be a powerful wizard as HarryHow?He has no connection to Voldemort, no prophecy saying he will defeat Voldemort, no connected wands, no nose crux status; Draco’s just a rich shit from a rich pure blood family.There choice is be nice to the kid who the entire wizarding world depends on to defeat Voldemort or be nice to some rando kid who might get involved in the death eaters one day who comes from a death eater family.The choice is obvious
>>216001493This
>>215999277Reminder that Slytherin had won the House Cup 6 straight years. There were some Slytherin 7th years sitting there, probably with 10 NEWTs, expecting to win their 7th straight House Cup and Dumbledore robbed them of a perfect academic career.
>>215999850> not casting Deletus Fetus
>>216004734Sounds like the other houses were just dumb as fuck
>>215999705Women used to wash dishes
>>215999768Malfoy is not a great wizard. He's not even as good as Harry, who gets carried all through the books.
>>216003741he is sitting in a funny way some would consider “zesty”
>>216004734I thought they won the Quiddich cup for 6 straight years, not the House cup
>>216004734That was purely because Snape gave Slytherins points for breathing without help.Dumbledore would have fired him for this if Snape's employment wasn't primarily a farce to keep him on as an asset to use against Voldemort. Like Trelawney.Snape took advantage of his tenure. He never renounced his beliefs as a Death Eater. Only his allegiance due to a personal vendetta.
>>215999768>his half brother dudleyLmao
>>215999850>>Dumbledore smiled, before quickly turning around and raising his wand at Professor Flitwick>>"AVADA KEDAVRA!"
>>216002134That wasn't the Horcrux, that was the defense Mr. Deh had placed on the Horcrux. Basically all of them had different weird shit curses and such placed on them to kill anyone who discovered them. Only the locket had the whole One Ring enchantment made to turn people psycho. The others had different mechanisms like sucking out your life-force or possessing you.
>>215999277I prefer the classic
>>216003390She made the critical mistake of thinking anyone gave a shit about the "world building" or "lore" when the entire draw of the series was the part about going to school in a crazy castle filled with wacky shit where you learned cool magic instead of boring math and got to sort yourself onto teams based on the equivalent of bragging that your "INTJ" like it's your fucking Horoscope (especially for Americans, who don't know that English boarding school is real and how horrible it is).
>>216003847Silly comparison. Quidditch is a non contact sport. Between the players, that is. Enchanted cannonballs are likely to make contact with the player’s fragile skulls, but that’s as maybe.
>>216003996Everyone was in the loop though. Dumbledore openly encouraged students learning each other’s personal matters through unsupervised gossip. He thought it was funny.
>>215999850>politely.>quietly.
>>216003157God.
