>Shelby.Oaks.2024.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-FLUX>Shelby.Oaks.2024.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-FLUX>Shelby.Oaks.2024.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-FLUX>Shelby.Oaks.2024.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-FLUX>Shelby.Oaks.2024.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-FLUXThe Stuckmann bombed, but you can see it for free!
Bingo. Right here we go
>>216005186Is it good?
Isn't that the poster for Feardotcom?
>>216006753yes
>open file>see this Wut do?
>>216005186What is a Shelby oak
>>216006801I always wonder why he takes that step to the side. Is he stepping around something we can't see on camera? Did he lose his balance? I wonder if we'll ever know.
neck status?
>>216006828i think he has autism poor motor control and overthinks walking (like meeee)
>>216006828Balls were sticking to his leg.
>>216006801>open video file>cmd quickly pops up>2 days later...
>>216006812Something that's supposed to sound like Twin Peaks
>>216005186This is fucked. You realize how much money you’re stealing from him doing this?
>>216006974It's been fucking 7 years
>>216006801>>216006883You know what, I liked Stuckmann when he did this sort of autistic stuff; him breaking into making actual movies just means he's going to make nothing but sanitized garbage slop forever.
>>216006801GOD DAMN hes tough
>>216006828https://youtube.com/shorts/ydgmN9XfP6M?si=dAGfWbID-f9A8Hu5he has ADHD
>>216006739watch it yourself
just torrented it, will watch it today and if this thread is still up i will report back
>>216007158he has adhd, autism, gender dysphoria, ptsd from being raised in a sex cult, faggism... all of which he confessed over the year for yt click and attentionwhat's his next victimhood shit gonna be?
who cares... where's bugonia?
>>216008112bro the cam is near perfect, go watch it
>>216006974zero. this movie was funded by his fans. if anything he's the one that stole the money when he made such a shitty movie
Better movie than what AVGN and RLM made.
>>216008139>cam>near perfectpick one
>>216008139>the cam is near perfectlol
>>216008139Get higher standards my man, you will only watch it once
>>2160067396/10. Very derivative of Blair Witch.
>>216008385>>216008512>>216008539Cam rips are kino.
>>216008575If I force myself I can get used to the picture but sound is always horrible
>>216008575cam rips are unwatchable dogshit for yify-loving Indians.
>>216006739It's Blair Witch Project made by an almost-zoomer for actual zoomers.
>>2160069741) Like anyone cares2) It was crowdfunded, whatever money this drivel had to made, it was that crowdfundingAnd here you are, asking people to financially support a really shitty movie, on the principle that... what, exactly? It's a shitty debut of a hack?
>>216008273>implying you watched itGo home, Chris.
>>216007158So this is how I find out I'm retarded.
Just finished this. Wow. This guy is a new filmmaker? Haven't heard of him. He's got the goods. This guy knows movies. And he knows how to make movies. He'll be making movies to come. He's a real filmmaker.
Someone post a shot of the demon standing behind the girl at the end please.
Stop criticizing movies, anons, they're very hard to make.
>>216008848lol
>>216005186Won't even watch it for free.
>>216008678>almost-zoomer>Christopher Michael Stuckmann (born April 15, 1988) is an American YouTuber, filmmaker, author, and film critic.
>>216005186>Shelby Oaks>Holly Oaks>Penny Dreadful>Peaky Blinders
>>216007965 (me)first 15 minutes were good. I have basically no complaints about them but then it switches to a normal movie and that change is so fucking jarring and stupid that i dropped the movie immediately. Just completely lost the interest in what happens next. What the fuck was he thinking?
>>216009661seconding this
report eceleb threads as off topic
>>216008829Thanks. Looks like Blair Witch remake/sequel that came out in 2016
>>216011493>What the fuck was he thinking?Something like>I'm so sexy, so smart. Would you fuck me? I would fuck meWhich is what most directors think nowadays instead of making good movies.
>>216005186You should've watched it in theater>>216006739Yes, very fun, good twist
>>216011824>You should've watched it in theaterno
>>216006801I kneel.
the only good part of this movie is the dogs howling and the demon man looking through the windows
>>216006853SNAPPED
>>216011824>You should've watched it in theaterno thanks, everything costs so much money now. I've committed to never paying to watch a movie/show ever again
>>216011246Zoomers didn’t start until 1996 retard. Chris is a millennial chad
>>216005186Is this the movie about the haunted retirement home?
>>216012863It's only $25/month>>216012960No, that's the one Pete Townsend was in
>>216012990that's the equivalent of 3 8oz new york strip steaks
>>216013030And you can be in theater every day at that price
>>216005186Wait, you mean Chris "I can't understand racism" Stuckmann?
>>216013981This feels like the start of a good story, will you tell us Anon?
>>216012990>No, that's the one Pete Townsend was inOh right. Thanks anon
>Shelby OaksIsn't that the name of a retirement home or something?
>>216006739It’s kino
>>216014030>Reviews Get Out>Unprompted goes into a backstory about his past living with blacks as the only white saying he simply cannot understand racism in an act of pure virtue>Produces hilarious photo evidence
>>216014139Welp, that explains a bit about him
meh. Space cop was better.
My dog barked nonstop at my computer monitor while I watched this. I’m assuming they layered in an audio track that only animals can hear. Made it nearly unwatchable
>>216014967You know what? I think you're right.
>>216014139>lived around blacks>not racistis he... slow?
>>2160149672 hours of a close-up of my asshole when i had diarrhea from salmonella poising is better than space cop
>>216015690You're exaggerating anon.
>>216015719no
>Shelby Oaks will return….
>…in Shelby Oaks 2
>>216005186I'm not going to watch this, can someone just tell me what happens? What is the TWIEESSSSTTT?
>>216012673Those dogs looked like shit in the trailer so that's dire
>>216014967It unironically is better, and I’m saying that as someone who actually sat down to watch both. I’d rather watch space cop twice than watch Shelby oaks again once. Shelby oaks was the worst kind of bad movie. It wasn’t so bad it was good like some low budget B-movie slasher, and it wasn’t unintentionally funny either, it was just a boring movie that copied like 7 elements from different movies and stitched it all together. There was no tension, spooky imagery or anything that resembled atmosphere or dread. It was just a pretty looking movie with an empty plot and a horrendous performance by the lead actress who spends the entire movie looking like she’s about to cry. Can’t tell if that’s an acting choice or the director being bad at his job.
>>216016621It really is painfully shallow and derivative.
>>216016577You should've watched it in the theater the demon didn't want her sister, it wanted her
>>216005186Chris is a midwit and this a peak midwit movie. It already feels like a dated film and I wonder if that’s because the plot beats have been done so many times and done so much better in different pictures. What Shelby Oaks does is takes elements from like 5 other horror flicks and mashes them all together, you have the omens hellhounds, a demon goat like its from a insidious movie, a crazy witch lady from the vvitch, found footage elements like paranormal activity, rose marys baby overtones at the end. No striking imagery, no hook in the story, nothing. Bad acting. Bland, shallow, forgettable story telling. I’d like to say Chris took a bold swing for the fences but this feels like he tried to take an extremely safe approach and it back fired on him by being overly bland and generic.
>>216016621>>216016952It’s automatically better than anything RLM has done because it’s earnest. Doesn’t matter if it’s the biggest piece of shit movie in the world, he actually took a shot at real movie making while everyone else is too scared to, that’s why they stick to making “it’s ironically bad” le garbage like Space Ball
>>216016850And this is considered a shocking twist these days? I guess most zoomers haven't heard of shyamalan but damn I expected something better than that.
>>216016850???
>>216005186should have just made it a mockumentary instead of whatever the hell i just watched
>>216017104everithing rlm does is earnest
>>216005186i started watching it on a pirate site, literally turned it off when it said a ghost hunter went missing or something. I just couldn't.
>"tell that to Shelby's snapped neck"based stuckman
>>216006974I wish that were true. If I could steal everything he had I would do that.
>>216015690I'll be the judge of that. Which streaming platform is your diarrhea-spewing asshole on? Or is it still in theaters?
>>2160067393/10 plot is fucking retarded.
>art critic tries to make art
>>216020120he was never even a critic, he would just tell you the plot of a movie and call it a review.
>>216020120The french new wave did it
>>216005186I always check out the reviews on IMDB before I torrent anything.Hard pass from me.
>be independent filmmaker, can make anything without studio interference >make generic horrorslop????
>>216021810I explained this to you already. Horrorslop is cheap to make and harder to lose money on. It makes sense for a debut. It's Blumhouses entire business model. That shitty ass Smile movie made over 100 million dollars profit. A movie based off a shitty YouTube short made a lot too and I'm not talking about skinofmydink which also made money
Holy fuck this movie is bad. Just endless talking and sad music.
Why is this one dude saying his lines like he's retarded? Why?
>>216022826The main actors acting bothers me. She’s always sad and miserable looking
Now there's a cgi dog and it looks very smooth like ranpreet did it on his desktop.
You could pay me and I still wouldn’t watch
There's a witch with the power of bad cgi floating. >>216023229I've never watched stuckman and I've only seen him memed on here. I wanted to watch this blind. Now I get the hate.
The tree demon is a pedo I guess. Then it ends. Fuck stuckman.
>>216023175>Now there's a cgi dog and it looks very smooth like ranpreet did it on his desktop.kek yeah
>>216023696he is like, MISTER bu-fu
Gonna watch this tonight, maybe it's secretly kino.
>>216007034You're underestimating how autistic his "actual" movie is
Started watching it, first thing it feels a bit anachronistic that the news story from 2008 refers to the disappeared people as having "a popular Youtube channel" Was Youtube culturally relevant enough yet at that point to talk about it like that?
>over 11 minutes of credits for a 90 minute movie>dude dogman demon playing 4d chess for years to get me and my Youtuber sister killed specifically because ???BRAVO 'ALMITEY' STUCKMANNBRAVO
>We used to call Cell Block 3 "The Grave" because the people in there had one foot in it.Does Stuckmann think having "one foot in the grave" means being evil or a killer?
>>216006739Shelby Oaks and Keeper are the worst horror movies I’ve seen this year. If you’re having trouble sleeping, just put one of those movies on.
They lay out a bunch of stuff in the opening documentary segment that should really be second act revelations. "By the way Riley saw demons as a kid and you can see a demon in her last known video", maybe build up to that.
>>216006753No, Lake Mungo
Currently downloading from a secret site. I hope it's kino.
>>216006739nope
>>216027419Any good so far?
>>216028034haven't started it yet
>>216026453>Shelby Oaks and Keeper are the worst horror movies I’ve seen this year.ugh i might skip them now
>mfw I walk into a real movie theatre and get fucking STUckmaNIZED ouchie mama
>>216008829that ending, kek.
>>216028621Dang he got some moves
This movie is better than Shelby Oakshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jN9gk6zpf7U
If a guy blew his brains out in front of you, covering you with his blood and brain matter, wouldn't you, I don't know, take a shower almost immediately? I think it's safe to say 99% of people would take a shower before watching any video footage the dead guy was holding in his hand.
>>216028621wtf is this real?
>>216028834>Man finds tape
>>216026034Back in 2008 you would have had Youtubers prominent enough to be considered popular yes, though the bar for what's "popular" would have been significantly lower
>>216007158>falling for jewish buzzwords
>>216028621>Autistic retard likes Michael JacksonChecks out.
I'll at least give him credit in working his crappy old Youtube horror ARG into a theatrical release, you'd think there would be more attempts to do that by now. Granted, every attempt at it has bombed so there's probably a good reason for that. Hoping that Backrooms movie is good at least
Finna watch this today and maybe If I had Legs I'd kick You if I have tine
>>216029147Yeah wtf was up with that
>>216008553>>216008678Complete different style of found footage genre. This movie is closer to movies like Lake mungo
>>216031216I watched Lake Mungo recently cause I heard Stucky was inspired by it, and its much better than Shelby Oaks.
>>216031270well yeah lake mungo is kino
>>216005186Imagine you spend your whole life trying to get to make a movie, and when you finally do, it's an insipid frankenstein monster of other mediocre horror movies
>>216026453Keeper was appallingly bad. Osgood Perkins has a great track record but everyone has a dud now and then. The sound design/mixing was good but that's about it. It's just an hour of nothing building up to an extremely lame reveal and it feels twice as long as it actually is.
