>HAAARRYYY THERES A BIG ASS SNAKE IN THE WALLS THAT CAN PARALYZE YOU BY LOOKING AT YOU ALSO DON’T GO INTO THE FORBIDDEN FOREST BECAUSE THERE’S MAD SPIDERS AND CENTAURS THAT WILL RAPE YOUR ASS AND DON’T GO NEAR THAT WILLOW TREE IT’S ALIVE AND LOVES TO KILL CHILDREN WITH ITS BRANCHES FOR SOME OF YOU THE MAGIC TALKING HAT HAS SORTED YOU INTO THE HOUSE NAMED AFTER THE SCHOOL FOUNDER WHO BRED A GIANT SNAKE TO MURDER THE ETHNIC MINORITY STUDENTS DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT MY SECRET NEPHEW AURELIUS? HE WAS AN ILLEGITIMATE HALF-MUGGLE LOVE CHILD WHOM HIS FAMILY WAS ASHAMED OF, SO HIS MOTHER’S SISTER SAILED TO THE UNITED STATES WITH HIM AS A BABY, INSTEAD OF HIS FATHER OR MOTHER. WHEN THE SHIP STARTED TO SINK (BECAUSE IT WAS THE TITANIC), THE UNRELATED HALF-BLACK DAUGHTER OF A RAPIST MIND CONTROL WIZARD SWITCHED HIM OUT WITH HER HALF-BROTHER (WHOSE MOTHER WAS CONSENSUAL, AND ALSO WHITE). THE RAPIST WIZARD DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THE DAUGHTER, BUT HE DID LOVE HIS SON, AND HE WAS AFRAID THAT HIS DAUGHTER’S MOTHER'S SON WOULD BE ANGRY THAT HIS MOTHER WAS MIND CONTROL RAPED AND KILL THE BABY INSTEAD OF THE RAPIST, SO HE SENT THE SON HE LOVED ACROSS THE SEA (ON THE TITANIC) TO BE RAISED IN AN ORPHANAGE BY A MUGGLE WHO HATED MAGIC INSTEAD OF PROTECTING HIM HIMSELF. ANYWAY, BOTH BABIES JUST HAPPENED TO BE MAGIC, SO THE DAUGHTER SWITCHED THEM SO SHE COULD HAVE A LESS ANNOYING BROTHER. HIS AUNT THOUGHT THAT HER NEPHEW WAS STILL ON THE TITANIC, AND FELT SO STRONGLY ABOUT THIS SECRET SHAME CHILD THAT SHE’D TRIED TO ABANDON IN AMERICA THAT SHE TRIED TO SWIM DOWN AND RESCUE HIM AND DROWNED INSTEAD OF JUST USING MAGIC WHILE THE RAPE DAUGHTER WATCHED AND DID NOTHING TO INFORM HER THAT HER REAL SON WAS ALREADY SAFE. SHE THEN GAVE MY NEPHEW TO A FRENCH HALF-ELF SERVANT WHO SERVED THE MOTHER, AND AFTER THE MOTHER WAS RAPED AND DIED IN CHILDBIRTH, THAT MEANT SHE HAD TO CONTINUE SERVING THE RAPIST, WHO THOUGHT HE WAS THE REAL SON, AND DELIVERED HIM TO THE ORPHANAGE.
>"Help, help! Cedric Diggory has been killed! Yes, Cedric Diggory, my main rival as Hogwarts Champion and object of Cho Chang's affection, has been killed in the maze! Voldemort did it! He's been dead for thirteen years, but he's back, and he killed Cedric! Don't ask how, no one ask how! There were no witnesses, please do not look for any! The other two Champions in the maze were cursed with Imperio! Don't bother fetching your Veritaserum, professor Snape, I believe it's all been stolen. I am so upset right now! Has anyone seen Cho? When do I get the prize money?"
>the most important world ending devices in the HP universe>...>..ill make it a triangle with a circle and a line
>>216187530>DON’T GO NEAR THAT WILLOW TREE IT’S ALIVEMost willow trees are. Thanks for nothing, Dumbledore.
>>216187530he said calmly
>>216187644Wasn't the maze within Hogwarts grounds? How did the port key take them away if you can't apparate in or out within Hogwarts?
>>216187644>the same evil wizard who allegedly killed my parents but not me when I was kid has also now reappeared and killed my main rival but not me!!
>>216187731none of them were world-ending or even that importantthey were just more powerful artifacts than the usual wacky enchanted tools
>>216187731to be fair I think its the wizarding world's version of the all seeing eye
>>216187731>the most important world ending devices in the HP universeThey're not that powerful. The wand is invincible, sure, but doesn't make you invincible at all times, some fucker can still poison you or kill you in your sleep. Wizards are sneaky.
>>216187644>>216187897Why would Harry have to hide that he killed Cedric? I mean, they send the contestants through a maze full of monsters and deadly traps and no supervision at all. It's implied that anything goes, right?
>>216187530>He was a good friend.
>Harry, did I ever tell you about our gamekeeper, Rubeus Hagrid? He used to be a student at Hogwarts, just like you, until he was expelled for sicking his pet spider on a mudblo- I mean, muggle-born student 50 years ago. I knew he was innocent but I stood by and said nothing when they snapped his wand and sent him home. I suspected that Tom Riddle was the real culprit, but again I said nothing. Anyway his innocence was never proven, so I hired him as as a teacher lol. He was later responsible for a hippogriff mauling a student on his first day on the job, but it was a filthy Slytherin so I let it slide and amazingly he wasn't fired. One day students started being attacked in the school again and the Ministry suspected it was the guy who did it last time *snicker* and they came to arrest him and send him to Azkaban. You're familiar with Azkaban right? It's the most horrific place on Earth where they send bad wizards to be locked up and tortured by having their souls sucked out by flying demons until they nothing but empty shells, shit is fucking terrifying. Anyway they sent Hagrid there and I just stood and watched again. I could have stopped them, but I didn't. Also I think his mother got raped by a giant or whatever. He was a good friend.
>>216187974What were the spectators even doing during this and the lake task?Just sit around and wait for someone to finish?
>>216188113I have to assume so. Somehow the creator of quidditch didn't seem to put that much effort into the rules and logistics of this other magical competition.
>>216187731They aren't world ending devices, they are all different ways of coping with death and none of them work
>>216187943>The wand is invincibleThe how was everyone who ever had it defeated
>>216188113Smoke and mingle probably. Like people who go out to watch marathon runners
>>216188306look, I love to argue on the internet, and I love harry potterbut don't ask fucking questions who's answers are "Rowling is a hack"That guy said that you can be killed and "defeated" (at least in what the wand thinks) by stuff other than a magic 1 on 1 duel, so it's implied that the wand is lost due to bloody sneaky stuff, but it's also implied that dumbledore DID win against the wand on 1v1, as grindelwald didn't die
>>216188306It's in the original myth, the guy who got it from death went around bragging about it until someone murdered him in his sleep and stole it. Dumbledore was the only one able to defeat it because he was gay or something.
>>216188546Hid it in his ass so no one would want to touch it. He really was a true genius and lord of his ring.
>>216188468>who's answersTo which the answers are
>>216188306Magic rules are weird. Like, if you're the owner of the wand and want to talk to a girl but pussy out and then I talk to that girl and score a date, the wand will consider that I defeated you and it's mine now.
>>216188718language is made to understand each othersIf you understood what I mean, and this is an informal place, then "who's answers" serve the exact purpuse that I intended as written.
>>216188766>get pushed around by the local bully>your 8 galleon wand wants to go with himVery NTR-like
>>216188718That fucking spell that removes a wizard's wand from their hand: it removes their 'ownership' of it until they reclaim it from whoever cast the spell. Voldo thinks you need to kill the owner, which he believes to be Snape because he killed Dumblegalf, but it was Malfoy that cast the spell, and later Harry that cast it on Malfoy. The wand didn't even need to be present and Malfoy was using his mother's wand at the time, but the bullshit rules are the bullshit rules.
>>216188793Look anon, I don't want to be a pedant, but actually yes I do want to, so fuck you.
>>216188867You only need to get some chains, strap it to your waist, and find a big ogre or a cyclop or a giant or something like thatFollow you dreams anon, I believe in you, if that's what you want to do, go ahead and pursue your dream
ENJOY YOUR RIDE BACK TO LONDON, COCK SUCKER
>all slytherin students get locked in the dungeon during the final battle
why didnt they just shoot voldemort
The snake doesn't actually paralyze you by looking at you, it straight up kills you. It just so happened that everyone who saw it looked at it indirectly so they only got paralyzed.
>>216189111https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCj4o8JyAAk
>>216189111He was immortal up until his snake and Harry were killed
>>216189111because it was written by a woman This is the answer to every question about Harry Potter
>>216189342Don't you have yet another Tom Clancy reheated terrorist plot to go back to?
>>216188113they had a big screen showing the goal and tracking each champion's position within the lake and maze
>>216189639Yeah, but they couldn't see what was going on. Fleur got sucked into the maze by those plant thingies and could've suffocated without anyone intervening. Krum was fuckinv mind controlled and no one was aware. The whole thing is a shambles.
>this is what reddit millennial 2020s tourists think is comedy gold
Wow... there is some sort of secret evil organization threatening to over throw our government and start a genocide? If only we had a way to compel the known guilty to name their comrades. Like a spell which forces their compliance or some kind of truth potion.Oh well.... Guess we just need to be picked off till we are over thrown
>>216189834I guess we just hace to wait and get lucky. Would be nice if we could manufacture luck itself to aid us somehow.
>>216189834>Like a spell which forces their compliance or some kind of truth potion.Not legal
>>216190019When do they say truth serum is illegal?
>>216187644this one always gets me
>>216187530>stated Dumbledore in a barely audible whisper
>>216189111wizards dont even understand bath tubs and rubber duckies and you think they can fire a gun?
>>216187530>DON’T GO INTO THE FORBIDDEN FORESTyeah that's why it's the forbidden forest
>>216190595WHATS YOUR ACCOUNT USERNAME
>>216188042Is the other way around, his dad was a manlet who fucked a giant woman.
>>216188913I enjoyed your joke anon
>That’s right, everybody, I defeated grindelwald! This was truly one of the Duels of all time. Yes, yes, Grindelwald had the Elder Wand, what?, It’s unbeatable, yes, or at least WAS but you can thank me, Albus Dumbledore, for being so great that I magically overcame his unbeatable advantage. I’m aware poor Gellert was looking a little wan and sick, yes, I’m aware of the vomiting and seizures around the five-minute mark. It’s still a legitimate victory, especially because here in 1945 nobody knows what AIDS is yet and with the help of Obliviate and some Time-Turners, you won’t know for at least a few decades. Anyway, I’m off to spend a long and oddly private life running an asylum for young wizards instead of taking a real office with any responsibility. Ciao!
>>216187644>SOMEHOW VOLDEMORT IS BACK! AND HE IS TO BLAME FOR CEDRIC'S DEATH
>>216187644this sounds like a potter puppet pals routine but harry is also blaming voldemort for missing out on insane clown posse
>character dies by standing directly in front of the portal that's designed to kill people and getting pushed in
>>216192146Whatever the fuck was that thing? Was it a reference to some myth or tale that I missed?
>2161876441>2161887092>2161890853>2161896394>2161905955>2161909416>2161913677>2161921468>2161928679
>>216187530When did these template threads start appearing here?I swear to god this was never a thing until covid.
>>216187731>incredibly significant items in the wizarding world>only find out about them in the last two moviessigh
>>216187731>be woman>make everything about vaginas
>Buckbreak, whateva happened there..
>>216192991you are genuinely too autistic to use this site if you don't understand what a running joke is
>>216192991Around 2005, you retarded fucking shitstain.
FUCK YOU HARRYAARRGHH
>>216192991Most of these faggots flooded in from reddit during covid and after
>>216187530>THE UNRELATED HALF-BLACK DAUGHTER OF A RAPIST MIND CONTROL WIZARD SWITCHED HIM OUT WITH HER HALF-BROTHER (WHOSE MOTHER WAS CONSENSUAL, AND ALSO WHITE).I didn't watch the other movies, is this for real?
>>216189111Not even magic can get you a gun in Britain
>>216187530>He said calmly.
>>216187897>He killed my parent and left me with unspeakable wealth. And now he killed my rival as well
>>216190941>his dad was a manlet who fucked a giant woman.absolute chad
>>216188842Given how trigger happy harry was with that spell it’s a miracle anyone aside from him ever actually owned a wand.
>>216192867I think it was just a portal to the afterlife that was being kept at a research place and sirius black, who either has the worst luck imaginable or is stupid as fuck, just so happened to be standing in front of it during an intense fight
>>216187861You're right, it's a plothole.
>>216187644Why didn't Cedric's parents sue Hogwarts?
>>216194566But apparition, floo powder, and portkeys are all also plotholes that ruin the cozy oldschool vibe of the first movies. Why even have brooms, trains, carriages, boats, buses, etc when you can teleport.
>>216187530Is he yelling because he has a headache?
>>216192991>I swear to god this was never a thing until covid.Nice way to say you're a coof tourist, newfag
these threads are really funny xD
>>216194088Yes, it’s the plot of the Fantastic Beasts trilogy. The baby grows up into Ezra Miller.
>>216187530Put me in the r/4chan r/greentext reddit screencap
>21619318410>21619389311>21619429612>21619451613>21619464214>21619494515
>>216192926>>216195124You think your clever?
>>216188546The elder wand is also a fickle asshole and you can "lose" it in the dumbest ways. It abandoned Dumbeldore after he got disarmed, and then abandoned Malfoy just because Harry yoinked his other wand.
>>216194642It's implied in the books that Dumbledore cast the Obliviate spell on his parents, so they forgot Cedric ever existed
>>216195169Stop samefagging you subhumanSeriously kys, when your life is this pathetic its not worth living. I know it you know it, your family know it but don't want to say it out loud. No one values you or will miss you when you're gone, stop living a lie.
>>216187530my sides: in orbit
>>216194642>>216195257Lol. Fuckin really? He completely removes all memory him from the two people who loved him the most? That's Fucking heinous.
>>216191477I wanted to watch le epic wizard battle of Dumbledore vs Grindelwald :/
>>216191367thanks doggo i do my better
>>216189772You just hate fun.
>>216193969>FUCK ME IN THE ASS HARRY>SIR SHH
>>216187530>screamed Dumbledore placidly
>>216187530>Harry, you're an anal in the ass Homunculus.
>>216187731I believe there's a symbol very similar to this in Norse mythology. I'm 99% sure she took inspiration from it.
>>216187861I think the cup was exempt because it was actually supposed to teleport them back to the stands for an award ceremony or something. I'm not sure if this came to me in a dream or if it was someone's answer in a previous thread.
>>216195445He didn't, Cedric's dad mourning him is a plot point in the cursed child
