>Defeats a two ton spider with a dagger and a flashlight.
>>216528686The light is specialThe knife is special
>>216528700Sam is also special
>>216528686Who built stairs leading up to the ancient demon spiders nest and why? And why did the Gondorians never kill it when they controlled Minas Morgul? Where they just comfortable with an evil demon spider living in the mountains?
>>216528712Yeah, but in a different way.
>Defeats a two ton spider with a dagger and a fleshlight.
>>216528686They were fully upgraded
>>216528767This is a no bully zone.
>>216528758the spider wasnt always there, she lived in other regions along the same mountain rangethe path leads from minas morgul to cirith ungol which were originally watchtowers made by gondoriansafter gondor defeated the armies of sauron, they built these and the black gate to watch for and pen in the forces of evilthe failure of the larger gondorian state led to their abandonment and the subsequent takeover of the structures by mordor orcs, and then after the inhabitation of the pass by shelob
He had good rolls
What faction are you going to play first when the dawnless days campaign comes out in a few days?
The spider isn't really that big, remember that she's only standing next to hobbits.
>>216528686And what's most important, courage
>>216529401
>>216529407...........
>>216528686He could have beaten Sauron the same way. Tolkien characters are weaksauce like that.
It was actually with courage and the power of friendship, or something. UnironicallyThe dagger only acted as a conduit of sorts
and she was a good friend.
>>216529447
>>216529425
>>216528686damage per hit is irrelevant, dps is all that matters
>>216529465Subverting expectations isn't always a bad thing anon.
>>216528686It's honestly a bit ridiculous how a little hobbit can defeat a big ass spider like that. Tolkien's fellatio of the little man gets to be unbearable sometimes, I swear (even if the spider chapter is the best chapter in the whole book).Conan the Barbarian would be more suited to take on a spider. I mean, he threw a treasure chest full of gold at a big ass spider, smashing its body against a wall, in one of the OG stories from the 1920's.
>>216529425Mhm... yeah, yeah.
>>216529519>posting your own reddit posthave you no shame?
>>216528981In the content of his character, silly.
>>216529319He was only wielding a dagger and a light, so let's hope he wasn't fat rolling.
>>216529557Not really, Sam was under the spider which tried to crush him with it's body, so it basically impaled itself on his sword then ran away to tend to its wounds. Like if you tried to stomp on a mouse and hit a rusty nail instead
>>216528686He is a hardcore Soul players
>>216529557Wasn't conan the boobarian written by a weedy little loser though? Basically entire books of some nerd wishing he was someone else.
>>216529680Howard was jacked by 1930s standards and was a keen boxerHe could beat the shit out of any other fantasy author
>>216528686Have you heard the tale of David and Goliath?
>>216529680No. Robert E. Howard was tall and heavily built, and he grew up in an oil boom town during the Great Depression. He enjoyed boxing and weapons, and most of his protagonists are thinly veiled self-inserts.
>>216528686elven tech is crityour dice are no match, buggirl
>>216529680Howard would push Tolkiens shit in
>>216530084so he was gay?
>>216530103He'd stab you and shoot you for being gay in a 100ft radius
>>216530117so he liked penetrating other men's bodies
What was Shelob's tax policy?
>>216530164i mean maybe he was a top, but the butthole was only one way. yes siree bob
>>216530084Howard would lose because he was a weak willed momma's boy, Tolkien was war vet trained in gorilla warfare
Was Shelob turned into hot broad in some vidya or was it another spooder?
>>216528686>flashlightisnt it the rubber pussy thing?
>>216530341Christopher, my son, did I ever tell you the full story of Shelob? You know, the monstrous spider - descended from the vile Ungoliant! - which I used to read aloud of in our Oxford meetings of the Inklings? Well what I didn't mention back then was Shelob could also transform into a totally hot babe: all pale and dark and wan like Rebecca in lvanhoe or what will later come to be known as the goth subculture. In fact she looked very much like the pornographic actress Stoya who will be born 13 years after I die. Christopher, I will be entrusting you with my estate. If there is ever a videogame adaptation of my work you must make sure they get this Shelob right - make sure she is what the Anglo-Saxons would have called a hæða ecge, a real sexy bitch.
>>216530344>the rubber pussyno that's frodo
>>216528686>Defeats a two ton Stoya with a bottle of lube and a fleshlight.
>>216528686How wasn't he nominated for an Oscar?
>>216530487>StoyaSidya
>>216528767Kek
Sting is a dagger that specializes in spiders.
>>216529680Did you want it to be written by an actual barbarian?
>>216531296Well for instance moby dick was written by an actual gay homosexual who did boats so yeah kinda, a little I would like it to be written by someone with at least barbaric tendencies, like richard harris or someone.
>>216528686It was a normal sized spider they are very small
>>216530084Tolkien fought at the battle of the Somme. Just because he was American and drank doesn't make Howard an action hero.
She gets around
>>216531552A soldier is not a good hand to hand fighter by default, especially in those times
>>216532343hey mcnuttyhow much dat fibre oppic shit worth nowadays?
>>216528686It wasn't just a light. It was special elven magic from Galadriel.It was probably doing holy damage over time or something.
>>216529910>kills himself at 30 when he learns his mom won't wake up from coma
>>216529861did they kill giant spiders also?
>>216532488The vial basically contained the essence of the silmarilian if I’m remembering correctly. Even satan can’t touch those gems with his flesh melting to the bone. The spider was terrified of it cause that juice is like caustic acid
>>216529861David cheated. It's like bringing a 9mm to a boxing ring.
>>216528686I just rewatched this movie because we're all getting memed by the algorithm pushing it on everyone, probably because of that gay Andy Serkis movie coming out. Anyway, Return of the King really sucks. People complained about the string of endings at the time but it's the only part worth watching.
>>216528758If they were at Minas Morgul weren't they already in Mordor?
>>216532476
>>216528686The moment the whole story turned into childish garbage, that was the ending for me and I couldn't care about the rest.
>>216528981this is a bully zonefuck frensbe meansay mean thingsdo mean thingsmake people feel bad
>>216528700>>216528712But the spider is also special.I feel like that should all cancel out.
Sam was the ring bearer and got a power up from that. Magic sword, magic phial, Lord of the Ring... Shelob didn't stand a chance.
>>216532733Yes.
If you couldn't easily defeat a giant spider then you are a pussy and need to hit the gym
He's a gardener. He kills spiders every day.
>>216531552“On Sunday’s, when the Bakers asked the Howards to dinner, Robert invited the Baker girls out back to watch him throw the knife.There, standing before a tree in their back yard, he would begin to hurl the knife rhythmically, each throw penetrating the tree.The little girls huddled together, admired Robert’s prowess.”https://spraguedecampfan.wordpress.com/2023/12/17/the-swords-and-knives-of-robert-e-howard/Tolkien was a signal officer and didn't fight any battles. Howard would snap him in two.
>>216533935Good special > bad special
>>216530164Don't do this
