>He was just an average kid, looking for some adventure>But when adventure finds him>*cuts to The Kid (played by Finn Wolfhard) getting woken up on his horse*>"Wait, what's going on?">*Glanton (played by Adam Sandler) is shaking him*>"Wake up, lazy bones! We're gonna sack this village!" >*cuts to wide shot of the Gang approaching the village (which is notably white, so as not to anger the Native American market) as dramatic BWOMMMMS play*>Suddenly, the dramatic tension cuts as one of the villagers shoots an arrow at Glanton's crotch, causing him to cringe >The Judge (played by The Rock in whiteface, for some easily marketable controversy) winces and goes "Ooooh, right in the Toadvine!"™ >Cormac McCarthy himself shows up and quips "’nuff said!">He’s gonna need some friends along the way…>THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN >This summer>the Kid yells "This desert is our home! We can't let the army take what's ours! Who's with me gang?" as everyone cheers>*shows the Kid and Toadvine (who is now played by Leslie Jones) beatboxing on their horses*>*cuts to the dancing bear beating up army goons as The Judge rides on his back with a rifle*>*music stops with a record scratch as The Judge twerks*>Glanton's jaw drops as The Kid goes "Awkwaaaaard"™>BLOOD MERIDIAN, RATED PG-13 (accompanied by a lavish CGI screen and Slash guitar riff)>*scene cuts to black*>suddenly the scene cuts back to The Judge sitting in a saloon, when he hears a voice say "Hey Holden, I'm not through with you">*camera pans around, showing an aged Javier Bardem reprising his role as Anton to set up the McCarthy Cinematic Universe*>COMING JUNE 2026
>>216529258Dead ain't dead enough. If I was Cormac I'd bring myself back to life just to kill myself deader than any man has been killed.
>>216529258>The Judge played by The Rock in whiteface
