>Yes, yes, settle down now children. Once again I have received letters from displeased parents about a previous year's tragic events involving a late Defense against the Dark Arts teacher. Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry takes these concerns very seriously and places the utmost priority on student safety. Therefore, it is paramount to fill the vacant post immediately, so students can learn to protect themselves against the dangers that lurk outside these castle walls. So withouth further ado, please welcome your new Defense against the Dark Arts teacher, my good friend, Wolffang Infantgnasher!
inorganic spam by wax the mod protected kiwitranny
>>216970581"Wolffang Infantgnasher?" Hermione said with a raised eyebrow"Eh shut it ya dumb cunt" replied RonThe Gryffindor table laughed with glee
>>216970581>professor Infantgnasher comes to us from the highly prestigious post of professor of dark arts at the Durmstrang institute for evil with a minimal amount of disciplinary complaints and a storied career of casting unforgivable curses on small mammals and defenseless children>but I must emphasize that students are under no circumstance to make eye contact with or show weakness around him>and now; the feast!
>>216970691>>216970762That's roite, start the fakkin feast
>>216970581>The safety and well being of all Hogwarts's students is of the utmost importance. That is why I am placing a massive three-headed pooch straight from depths of hell, cutely named Fluffy, on the third floor of the castle. Yes it is completely possible for a student to accidentally stumble upon it but fear not! It is completely safe because I have designated the area as forbidden for students!
>>216970581>HAS ANYONE FOUND AN ENVELOPE WITH A PHOTO OF A MANS PENIS? BECAUSE IF YOU DID ITS NOT MINE BUT PLEASE BRING IT TO MY OFFICE IF YOU DO
>>216970581>Wolffang stretched his legs across the rows and rows of students, his face contorting curiously whenever he passed by a plump pupil.>'Sit-'>said Dumbledore and held the gaze of an especially fat 1st year while he paused audibly.>'by my side if you will, professor.', he continued calmly. >Dumbledore then began conjuring cuts of steak from the folds of his rainbow-colored robes and dropped them one after another on the large silver plate in front of the newly appointed staff member.>Thunk!>With each impact of raw meat on cold metal, Dumbledore fixed his grey eyes intently on a different student.>Thunk! Thunk! >Despite dishing out the substantial morsels without delay, the wet noise never failed to occur as Wolffang's meal proceeded. >A Hufflepuff student in the back began to vomit.>A faint smile played about Dumbledore's wrinkly face as he immediately snapped the fingers of his left, instructing Mr. Filch to bar the doors of the Great Hall.>The old wizard tilted his head in Harry's direction, briefly, and winked.
>>216971166An adult man at least 18 years of age, or so I've heard. added Dumbledore quickly.
>>216971995>mcgonagall clears her throat>"oh yes and coincidentally the ministry has asked me to tell you not to follow the trail of sherbet lemon into the the prefect's bathroom"
Suddenly Professor Infantgnasher came sprinting into the room with Filch clutched in his thick beet red fingers, both men screaming explatives as the professor calmly hurled Filch into the massive fireplace at the end of the class room before the professor stretched his legs to the front of the class while Filch burned to death in the flames and raising his muscular scar riddled arms covered with tattoos of snakes and skulls and slogans of wizard superiority above his head while calmly screaming at the top of his lungs: "LET'S FUCK! I'LL FUCK ANYTHING THAT MOVES!"While the professor did so, a curious pedant jiggled out of his robe collar. A thin black chain held a single small silver dagger, the tip of its blade inlaid with several small rubies nearly as red as Infantgnashers face giving it the appearance of being blood splattered. The professor quickly noticed it had flopped out and spun around for a brief moment, spinning back with the pendant rehidden into his robes."That pendant..." Harry wondered suspiciously aloud, "...Oi swear 've seen it before... Was it-"He turned to ask Hermione, but she was already shaking her head and rapidly taking notes ('Learn how to fuck - final exam') in her smartest student in the class little hand writing.
>THIS YEAR IM HIRING A LITERAL FUCKING DEATH EATER DUE TO BUDGET CUTS HES GOING TO FUCKING TORTURE ANIMALS FOR FUN HE LOVES THAT SHIT THE MINISTRY HAS BEEN UP MY ASS DEAL WITH IT
>>216972251>it bring me great pleasure to announce this years DDA professor Lucius Malfoy>I'm sure you've all heard about Malfoy's famous father did you know that he tried to cast the killing curse at a twelve year old for inconveniencing him?>anyway, I've given him a 25% acceptable mortality rating BUT ACCIDENTS HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO HAPPEN HERE>he shouted calmly at the stunned (because they'd been stupified by Malfoy senior) student body
>>216972187>He turned to ask Hermione, but she was already shaking her head and rapidly taking notes ('Learn how to fuck - final exam')kek
>>216972091Also, it's a hoax spread by the Deatheater National Convention.
>There must have been a whole teacher's wing in the castle somewhere >Despite all the trouble the three main characters get up to, we never see itPretty lame
>>216973020Only Hermoine got to see it and she was obliviated afterward.
>>216973020I believe the teachers all just have individual offices. We see Dumbledore's and Slughorn's as well as briefly McGoggel's, I think, in the scene that became the>why is it always you threememe
>>216973020You just know Snape kept a pussy palace in the dungeons where he entertained students with a physical resemblance to Lily Evans in exchange for higher grades while wearing nothing but a snakeskin thong.
>>216973343lolSnape has never had sex.
>>216971804idk why but these posts are getting funnier
>>216973275But where do they sleep? Were McGonnagal and Umbridge constantly getting into fights in their shared bedroom?
