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>>216985143
>swap Geonosis and Kamino, Geonosis is the cloning planet and the clones invade Kamino
>our heroes sneak into an underwater base and get captured, the Gladiator arena stuff happens there.
>Clones and Jedi pop up, battle begins
>something something
>after the battle the camera spans underwater and it's revealed that the underwater base was Death Star being built by CIS
>credits roll
Also I kinda wanna have Jar Jar redeemed, not Darth Jar Jar or anything like that but have him be around and just be less annoying

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>open attack of the clones.txt
>close attack of the clones.txt
done

Hard to do without fixing phantom menace first

>>216985143
For one the clones could be something that CIS produces that forces the Republic into being more and more militarised and paranoid. Maybe they clone jedi justifying the jedi purge?

I wouldnt...and thats what no one did.

>>216985143
I think it's fine structurally despite its flaws. The only SW of the first 6 that needs reworking is Jedi although it is a better film than this one.

>>216985143
During the fireplace scene, Padme gets pounded hard when she's wearing the black dress.

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>>216985143
It's so fucking funny that there hasn't been a rewrite of the PT that isn't so fucking awful it makes me want to tear my eyes and ears out. No wonder considering the people writing them lack basic moviemaking knowhow and already don't understand how good AotC is kek
But hey, I guess nowadays everyone fancies himself a film critic if it means feeling special, regardless of actual basic competence.

Literally all any of these movies needed was for Padme and Obi-Wan to be better fleshed out as characters, and Dooku to actually exist in all three movies, and do something substantial.
Oh, and Jar Jar should have gotten to complete his arc, instead of being basically cut from the second and third movies. If you actually saw him getting gradually groomed as a political stooge by Palpy, that would have been so sick.

>>216986574
>Marvel-tier writing with shitty Bond-style underwater bases and a fucking pseudo-postcredits scene
Modern capeshit has rotten your brain.
>>216986703
TPM is perfect as is
>>216986997
>Completely misses the point that the CIS IS partially responsible for the clones since Dooku orders them and the IGBC funds them, plus it's a way better tactic to get rid of the Jedi
You haven't watched the films.
>>216987066
Jedi's perfectly fine. No Lucas film needs a rework, they're all great to amazing. What we do need is for Disney to fuck off and bring back the old EU

>>216988018
All I'd really change in Phantom Menance is again giving Padme and Obi-Wan a few more scenes, so they aren't such flat cardboard characters.
Obi-Wan needed to bond with Anakin at least once in TPM. Kind of ridiculous that that doesn't happen.

>>216988049
There should be a like a scene where they're all in the ship, and Obi-Wan is testing him, and is impressed by all of the shit he knows about engineering or whatever. They have a lot of these ideas, they're just kind of in the wrong place.

>>216988018
>What we do need is for Disney to fuck off and bring back the old EU
I've been listening to the Darth Plagueis book this week. What an amazing show the book would make if someone was willing to adapt it 1:1 to screen. No changes. No millenial writers trying to update it for modern audiences or thinking they're smarter than the author.
With the absolute state of Disney Star Wars, I'm very glad the Acolyte got made instead of great material like this book getting the Witcher treatment.

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>>216988049
Padme isn't flat in TPM, her depth comes in her evolution and conflict between having to deal with her pacifist inclinations and the obvious need to fight back against the Trade Federation. She's ironically the first step towards the Empire despite her being very much Rebel in tone and later on joining the Delegation of 2000 (in which Bail and Mon Mothma are too), which makes TPM quite interesting on rewatches and shows how Palpatine toyed with everyone
Obi-Wan not getting development in TPM is intentional. That would have given Anakin a second fatherly figure. The whole point is that Obi-Wan was way more of a brother to Anakin which he could use but what he needed was a parental figure to guide him. Qui-Gon was this until he got killed and Palpatine took over, slowly grooming Anakin into Vader. Obi-Wan not really wanting to take Anakin at first and only doing it out of respect for Qui-Gon was one of the key details that Palpatine exploited to end the Jedi. It's a perfect microcosm of how the Old Order was too blind to emotions to understand how fucked they were
>>216988097
Also listening to the Plagueis audiobook, nice coincidence. I agree, beautiful storytelling that shows the mentality of the Sith while not shying away from their evil nature, and goes indepth into how Palpatine came to be and the future of the galaxy. Can't wait to get into rewatching the PT and starting with the CWMMP, I watched a bit of CW '03 and it was fantastic. I got all the Republic comics and other novels in audiobook form to have the full experience of the whole PT era period before Filoni came in with TCW and broke it all

>>216985143
Keep it exactly as it is

>>216985143
3hrs title scroll calling star wars fans faggots. Then the credits.

>>216985143
I really dont like this thing where EVERYTHING is actually a master level plot by the big bad guy, so the entire premise of the three prequals is stupid to me.

I think it would be better if Palpatine was just an upfront brute who took over in a time of crises. The entire war clone wars being bullshit that means nothing and the two armies being literal soulless NPCS (robots and clones) makes the whole thing feel hollow and empty and makes me not care.

Having rebels vs the empire is at least something

>>216988254
>I agree, beautiful storytelling that shows the mentality of the Sith while not shying away from their evil nature
One of the best achievements of the book is how you begin to agree with certain elements of their belief systems. There are points where Plagueis gets into a bit of a tight spot and as an audience member your instinctual reaction is thinking that this is bad and could ruin the Grand Design. Then you stop for a second and remember, wait, that's a good thing, they're trying to take over the galaxy. They're absolutely not wrong in the late Republic setting that it takes place in that the government is stagnant and corrupt, though, which make for a really intriguing political drama.

Kamino falls out of the Republic's control while Anakin and Padme are in the sector, blocking their communication to the Jedi on Coruscant and forcing them to fight their way out. Against orders, Kenobi sets out to find them while Anakin and Padme follow a mystery tip to a planet in search of the Bounty Hunter that made an attempt on Padme's life, and kill him. Later they meet with Dooku who presents himself as an ally and the source of the tip and has Anakin agree to keep their relationship a secret while giving them free passage to Naboo. Meanwhile Obi Wan continues his search for Anakin, uncovers Dooku's involvement with the separatists, and travels to Geonosis where he is captured, reaching out to Anakin through his dreams with the Force. Up until this point, Anakin had been cursed with waking nightmares and strange dreams, but did his best to ignore them thinking they were attempts by a dark force to corrupt or influence his mind. On his way to aid Obi Wan, Anakin is intercepted by the Jedi Council and admonished for refusing to obey orders as well as given fresh orders to return to Coruscant to stand trial to which he reacts with refusal and anger, leaving with Padme and arriving on Geonosis before the Jedi, getting the both of them captured, but surviving the colosseum. The Jedi arrive and the fight ensues, Anakin frees Obi Wan, and learns of Dooku's treachery. Obi Wan and Anakin track down Dooku who is able to distract the two long enough to sever Anakin's arm and escape. As Anakin is recovering in the medical bay he speaks with Obi Wan and comes to realize the dreams were the result of his mother crying out in pain, and he leaves recovery early to Tatooine, finding his mother captured by the Tuskan Raiders, and slaughtering them without mercy. Later Anakin is standing trial before the Jedi Council and is cleared of any responsibility, implied to be the result of Obi Wan's doing, and formally clips his Padawan braid and is embraced as Jedi master

>>216985143
Watched this last night for the first time in forever
>Anakin and Obi Wan are introduced
>its established from their dialogue that Anakin is the hot headed young buck who wants to charge out and find whos trying to kill Padme
>Obi Wan is the more calm, level headed and wise older guy
>drone with poison bugs scene
>Obi Wan jumps out the window on it
Seriously, what were they thinking? Its obvious that you make Anakin the one to jump out the window here and Obi Wan has to play catch up.

>>216985143
Not sure, but there are really good moments in the movie. I think the scene where Obi Wan is prisoner and Dooku comes to meet with him is one of the best scenes in all of Star Wars.

>>216988666
Holy numbers

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>>216985143
The Jedi KNIGHTS should have actual armor instead of just wearing robes. Armor that can resist blaster shots and light sabers too. There should also be more effort to emphasis that light sabers are dangerous and scary weapons that it takes years of training to even hold without killing yourself with them. Also, dont make literal toddlers jedis, this was so fucking stupid. Make it something where you can only join as an 18 yo at least

I feel like they should also have a more secluded and church/temple like area as their base of operations. Having them stay in a high rise in the major city always felt off and takes away from their mystique. I always had this idea of what the Jedi Order was as a kid (Samurai/Templar monk types) and the prequels were sort of a let down.

>>216989002
Also, Anakin was handled poorly. He was a slave, make "Im going to right all the wrongs in the galaxy" as his downfall if anything. Making it some weird "my wifes gonna die and I can use magic to save her" thing was stupid. If youre going with this Sith lord tempting him, make it a political motivation if thats like the backbone of the whole story. Anakin as this young and idealistic man who wants to use his jedi powers to save the galaxy, the sith lord plays into this and edges further and futher into the dark side by making him slowly break boundries. They do this with him killing Dooku, but its so clumsly and never pays off because the final thing is him betraying the jedi to learn "save my wife from labor death magic"

>>216989002
they don't wear armor because they are a holy order. It's more symbolic than anything. It's also the reason they involve children from an early age, they bring them up in a temple in the way of their faith. The high rise on Coruscant is prime real estate and also incredibly old, and symbolic of how the order bureaucratized and become separated from its values through time

>>216989074
making them take children in is psychotic and just makes them bad guys. Not just "they lost their way" but makes them into actual freaks.

>>216989102
you kinda don't get it. I'll bet you're one of those people who thinks that bringing balance to the force means making there be an equal number of jedi and sith
The jedi are a holy order dedicated to doing the will of the literal underlying source and power of all life in the galaxy. Their goals are far beyond the needs of an individual or their family. To be a jedi is to serve all life-forms.

>>216985143
Can't do it without rewriting episode 1
>Make Episode 1 the first act of the movie and most of episode 2 the remainder
>Episode 2 an actual clone wars movie
There fixed.

The whole movie needs to be scrapped. At best, you keep small elements like the character of Count Dooku. Movie 1 should have ended with the start of the clone wars. Movie 2 = Clone Wars.

>>216989102
That's what George was going for. The Jedi have gained a monopoly of force in a Republic without a standing army. They present themselves as keepers of the peace and justice, but they are deathly afraid of losing the power they've amassed. They petitioned a supposed democratic-republic to allow their cult to steal children from their parents, because in their own self-righteousness they think only they can harness the force in the correct way. It's why they're so easily pulled into the Clone Wars conflict as direct participants in battles. There are individual Jedi who are great people, like Obi Wan, but as a whole, the entire order is rotten to the core in the prequel trilogy.

>>216989382
Where did George ever say this?

>>216985143
It’s already a good film.

>>216989421
Listen to George's discussions about how he created Qui Gon as a character for this. He made Qui Gon to be the representation of what the Jedi should and could be. The council labels him as rebellious and a troublemaker, when he is in fact a paragon of virtue. The reason for their clashes is because Qui Gon is George's personification for what the ideal Jedi is and the current Jedi order is not. Quit Gon isn't bound by the rigidity of dogma and he acts when he thinks his beliefs are good, not just when they're in-line with the tenets of the order. Dooku would never have fallen to the dark side if the Jedi conducted themselves in the same way as his padawan.

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>>216985143

I'd have to go back to Phantom Menace to do my idea justice

>Trade Federation chimps out declares war on the Republic and the Jedi Order after being ordered to disarm following the Battle of Naboo
>the conflict begins to escalate as more and more parties join the Trade Federation's rebellion for their own reasons
>the Republic begins to rearm but bureaucratic gridlock and Palpatine's machinations keep it from doing so effectively, preventing them from crushing the Trade Federation and its allies quickly
>the Trade Federation, the Techno Union, and the Banking Clan are eventually coalesced into the CIS by Count Dooku, forming a standing military with a unified command structure
>the relatively small Republic Army and Navy, supported by the Jedi, begin steadily losing ground to the Separatists despite fighting heroic and tactically brilliant battles
>the Senate, increasing alarmed as star systems fall one by one, begins debating creation of a clone army to make up for manpower shortages
>the creation of this army is stonewalled by the Jedi Order who see clones as an abomination against the natural order (as well as a threat to their own position of power), as well as one Padme Amidala
>by the time the events of Episode II roll around, the Republic legitimately on the verge of defeat with the Separatist droid armies seemingly unstoppable
>Episode II's story proceeds largely it originally did, but with a bunch of young Imperial characters from the Original Trilogy thrown in (Piett, Needa, Ozzel, etc.) and instead of the Battle of Geonosis, the Clone Army is introduced when one of the Core Worlds comes under siege, essentially the last stop before Coruscant (think something analogous to the Battle of Seelow Heights or Xuân Lộc)
>out of desperation, the Jedi reluctantly take command of the Clone Army despite their moral reservations
>of yeah, and replace Mas Amedda with Tarkin (to explain why he outranks Vader in the OT)

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>>216988254
>She's ironically the first step towards the Empire

This.

I know this might sound hard to believe but Padme isn't actually some paragon of rationality, virtue, or competence. She's naive and idealistic to the point of basically being completely delusional by Revenge of the Sith

>lets Palpatine whisper in her ear how corrupt the Senate is
>never stops to consider that he might be on it too and using her frustration to his advantage
>effectively hands Palpatine the Chancellorship after he talks her into calling for a Vote of No Confidence in Valorum

>is the victim of an assassination attempt
>immediately presumes that the Separatists are behind it rather than considering that are circles within the Republic that already want war with the CIS and wish to silence her

>listens to Anakin's proto-authoritarian rant about how people should be made to agree with his line of thinking
>laughs it off
>never attempts to debate or at the very least understand why he feels that way

>listens to Anakin screeching about how "IT'S ALL OBI-WAN'S FAULT"
>makes no attempt to correct or confront him even though she likely knew he was completely talking out of his own ass

>actually fucking thought that she would be able to keep her marriage to Anakin and pregnancy a secret
>doesn't stop to consider that this is basically setting both of them up for blackmail

>genuinely believes three years into the Clone Wars that Palpatine has any intention of surrendering his powers when it ends
>hysterically pleads with Anakin to run away with her and raise their child when he's pretty much huffing his own farts by that point and doesn't stop to consider that Palpatine would likely react violently to Anakin running off with her (you know, by killing her entire family in retaliation for instance)

In short, she wasn't really all that clever and it's quite literally the work of divine providence that her political career wasn't violently ended much sooner.

Another straight forward fix to the prequel trilogy is just cut C3PO. He doesn't need to be there. All he adds is bloat to the cast, and added confusion as to why Obi-Wan wouldn't remember him, and he wouldn't remember Obi-Wan.
Maybe if you absolutely have to include Anthony Daniels somewhere, he could be playing various different droids, or C3PO could just appear as a glorified cameo, somewhere in Episode 3.

That way you can place better focus on Jar Jar, as the comic relief of the trilogy, which by all rights he should have been. You could absorb some of C3PO's character traits into him, and make him a little more worldly, having him act as the go-between between humans and alien species. Which would then counter the more annoying qualities of Jar Jar, since he wouldn't only be the fool. He'd be more of a lowly creature who knows how to get things done.

>>216989002
Toddler Jedi were Joseph Kony tier shit

>>216985143
Why is it call Attack of the Clones when movie about Sith conspiracy.

>>216986664
Correct. It’s already great.

>>216990726
one of the more interesting takes on padme and anakin is the idea that anakin's views on politics in aotc are a direct result of padme's actions in tpm
everything he sees padme do is a result of force, she helps get palpatine elected after the senate proves itself ultimately useless in solving the issue and then takes back naboo at gunpoint
given that anakin already idolized her at this point, it's pretty easy to understand that he would admire this when it's his first real introduction to how politics work

>>216990855
there's nothing wrong with 3p0 in the prequels, all that was needed was a better explanation that he was built from junked parts instead of from scratch, which is what some people get confused on, and for the lars family to call him something else/ him being with watto instead

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>>216991108
>there's nothing wrong with 3p0 in the prequels

>Episode 1 is just Obi Wan, his former master Yoda and his fellow jedi Qui-Gon Jinn
>the Phantom Menace; someone is funding unrest in the Republic, reports of clones being used as troops, but nothing at full scale war
>Episode 2; the Clone Wars begins, the Clone Masters launch armies in various point of the galaxy, the Republic is taken by surprise. The Jedi led the efforts to build armies, in one of those runs Obi Wan meet Anakin Skywalker, an ace in the republic fighter corps. Obi Wan tooks notice of his Force potential. Both Yoda and Qui Gon warn him that Anakin is too impulsive, too short sighted to yield a power of a Jedi
>Senator Palpatine, secretly a Sith Lord, a rival sect of Jedi tought to be extinct for millenia, manages to use the crisis to assume the control of the Senate as Chancellor. He also notices Anakin potential and starts to approach him, feeding on his ego and impulsive tendencies
>Anakin elopes with Padme, a charismatic senator from Naboo, due their common contact with Palpatine
>all set to the next movie, where Anakin, now called Darth Vader, betrays the Jedi, kills Qui Gon, and lead the newly formed Empire in a purge against it. The Empire, the reform that Palpatine pushes to militarize the Republic once and for all, manages defeat the Clone Masters and their armies
>Padme flees into hiding with her kids in tow
>Obi Wan and Vader had their duel, Vader falls in the lava and is forced to use his armor

>>216991108
it's not that it's that bad, but why even have him there?
If anything, he should have been Bail Organa's personal droid in Episode 3.

I do mainly feel that fumbling Jar Jar by not having him be a better and more prominent character is a major failing of the trilogy. I can imagine an alternative Episode 2, where he's the one doing silly shit in the Droid factory. C3P0 doesn't need to be in these sequences at all, really.
I think George was right. i think Jar Jar really was going to be the key to everything, in as much as he would have demonstrated Palpatine's manipulation of an unknowing third party. A guy who basically got fast tracked into being a senator, because it was useful to Palpy. Not because he actually had any business being there.
If he was just slightly less annoying in episode 1, and hadn't received the brunt of the backlash, we might have had a generally much better trilogy.

>>216991304
>not even including Anakin until episode 2
Well that's a terrible idea.

>>216991108
I don’t think the element of him being made by Anakin needed to happen. It has the effect of making a place as big as a galaxy seem as small as a rural town. It also clearly wasn’t planned as far back as ANH. When the Empire captures the Tantive IV in the movie and the on board records show that the two missing droids are both droids that Vader has intimate familiarity with, he would know that the entire affair was happening because of the Force. It would change his entire mindset in how he would have approached it, and you would see a Vader far more focused on that aspect than the one you see petitioning Tarkin to pursue the rebels to Yavin.

>>216991344
Literally none of these ideas are better than the films. I said it before, none of the retards who claim that the PT should be rewritten know how to even tell a story.

>>216991730
that's why I say removing Jar Jar was one of the biggest mistakes of the trilogy. It was just giving in to the demands of fans who couldn't even comprehend where that plot thread might be headed.

>>216991304
This but keep kid anakin in ep1 in his silly podracing before being called to become a child soldier and then have some features of child jedi soldier training and even use that later as Palpatine goes on to blame the republic for allowing even children to die in the war.

>>216991790
Tbf George did keep Jar Jar important in Episode 3. Not sure if he removed him or not but honestly I still think AotC and RotS are really well written
George's mistake if anything was giving up to their demands years later when he allowed Fagloni to make TCW which shits over all the PT and the CWMMP and of course is beloved by the same people who loathe the PT. It's no wonder that the vast majority of TCW videos sucking Filoni's cock talk about how it "fixes" the Prequels (see: it destroys all interesting parts from them and simplifies the conflict into a redo of the Rebels v. Empire status quo of the OT)

>>216991872
*Episode 2, sorry for typo

>>216991317
>it's not that it's that bad, but why even have him there?
It was always the idea that Star Wars was being told from the droid's point of view, so it makes sense to introduce them early on in the prequels and have them carry on to the OT.
And sure, if you watch them in release order, "Darth Vader knew R2 and 3PO as a kid" is stupid as a reveal/twist, but if you watch in chronological order, they're just some random droids that you follow - Same as they were in the OT

>>216991449
Why would Vader give a shit about the droids' identification? And many droids in the galaxy are painted similarly to R2 and 3PO, if not identically
This is pretty fucking autistic, it makes sense that the last thing Vader would have on his mind are the droids' identification when he's busy with Leia
Also it doesn't make the galaxy feel small. Episode 3 shows that R2 and 3PO get gifted to Bail when he decides to adopt Leia, as the Lars didn't need droids back then. Even Owen not really noticing that 3PO is the droid he once lived in makes sense, cause 3PO back then was plated with bare metal without his golden finish and there are a million droids that look like him and probably even share names (3PO is an insanely generic number that could easily be part of a much larger identification set)

The prequels in general are unsalvageable as it stands due to everything being sheev’s plan and all of it going off without a hitch because every other character is plain stupid.

>>216988732
>and then they're split up for the rest of the film
for Obi Wan and Anakins troubled relationship being the big emotional lynchpin of the entire fucking PT culminating in their duel, they sure do split them up in every single film for most of the runtime.

>>216985143
>>216987745
>>216991730
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqULrWierCs

remove sheev entirely. padme is the emperor. the trade federation keeps pushing for more power and padme and anakin go scorched earth. The Jedi order is actually directly trying to kill padme.

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>>216985143
Nothing, it's perfect. But now rewrite this abomination.

>>216991150
did we ever get those lego mini figures?

>>216992068
R2 specifically, I believe.
C3P0 already undergoes a memory wipe between 3 and 4.
R2 knows everything, but no one can understand him because all he does is whistles. It's his thing.

>>216992594
>R2 knows everything, but no one can understand him because all he does is whistles. It's his thing.

Nah, everyone can understand him, like how they understand Chewie. He's just smart enough to keep quiet about the past.

>>216992545
All you can really save are the basic character concepts. the setting is nonsensical and broken.
In some alternate timeline, there's a better movie with Rey, Finn, Poe, BB-8, and Kylo Ren in it. That's about it.

>>216985143

>Start with the Kamino plot as the hook instead of oafishly stumbling into it. Have both Anakin and Obi Wan go to Kamino and have them be captured by Jango Fett as a way to lead into the gladiator scene + establish him as an actual threat
>Introduce Dooku within the first half as a trusted Jedi Master who’s a friend of Obi Wan and Anakin
>Make Anakin younger, remove the Padme romance entirely
>Remove the Droid factory scenes
>give the CIS corporate leaders more personality instead of the 2 minutes they get in film
>Make the final battle scene of Geonosis longer
>have Dooku’s betrayal at the end be unexpected

And most importantly no cringe monologues

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>>216985143
Rewrite all of Anakin's dialogue so he isn't spouting insane melodramatic shit like "My heart is beating, hoping your kiss will not become a scar!" or just plain nonsense like "I hate sand."

Rewrite Anakin to be less whiny and have some actual camaraderie with Obi-Wan and some tender moments with Padme.

Direct Portman and Christensen differently so they have actual chemistry. If that proves impossible, recast Christensen.

Rewrite the "Obi-Wan investigation" plotline so that it's less obvious that Sheev is behind everything. Maybe have the Jedi theorize that the Clones were secretly intended for the Separatists but Obi-Wan got to them first, so that the audience isn't wondering why the Jedi don't realize that Jango is a major clue that the same guy is behind both the Clones and the Separatists.

Get rid of the dumb "I'm sorry Senator, I failed you!" line when Padme's dying decoy is talking to her. She didn't fail at all; she successfully protected Padme.

Padme never finds out Anakin massacred the Tusken. Padme is portrayed as a wise and open-minded leader, willing to humble herself and beg the Gungans for help. It didn't make sense that she would just not care about massacred children.

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>>216992850
>tusken
>children

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>>216985143
>Rewrite Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones to be a good film

>>216993035
>>216992545
>>216989451
>No no you don't understand, RLM BRAINWASHED EVERYONE into thinking that "I hate sand!" is good dialogue!
AOTC sucks and is the worst Prequel.

>>216985143
That would require rewriting The Phantom Menace. It was approached so wrong.

>>216993091
He hates sand. Why is that bad dialogue?
>well it's simplistic and on the nose
Movie for kids, innit? Grow up.

>>216993091
>AOTC sucks and is the worst Prequel.
that opening bar scene though gave me so much hope when I first saw it that George was gonna give us a more grown up story

>>216989620
>qui-gon is my ideal jedi!
>no apprentrice, do not attempt to use your powers of foresight and remote viewing to determine who is behind this absolutely bizarre situation we’re involved in. that would be too hard to make three movies out of

>>216992676
only luke and 3p0 can understand r2 in the ot iirc, and luke isn't able to until rotj
anakin can also understand r2 in rots, but obi wan can't
as for chewbacca iirc only han can understand him in anh, but luke can as well in esb/ rotj
it's worth mentioning that r2 does no know anakin is vader, as he conveniently is never around when anakin is doing vader stuff

>>216993122
>hello knight of a law enforcement order would you like to buy some drugs?

>>216993119
>you didn’t like a children’s movie due to not being a particularly stupid child? you’ve got some growing up to do

what an odd statement

>>216985143
>recast Padme with a decent actress
Boom movie fixed

PART 1

>Sheev decided not to run for reelection and Padme is now Supreme Chancellor
>assassination plots on her by same people which sets up into start of the film.
>Padme was secretly grooming Anakin for years and use the assassination attempts to get closer to him.
>after the assassination attempts, she decides since the Jedi are completely incompetent and allowed Dooku to become this fire brand, that she will build a Grand Army of the Republic.
>being held up by Sheev's manipulation and bureaucracy in the Senate
>the assassination attempt is Jango uses Sam as a decoy to get the Jedi away from Padme, but at last minute he's told by Dooku to call the hit off, we're changing plans.
>Sam is captured and Jango leaves a deliberate breed crumbs to Kamino
>leads us to all that stuff with clones and Jedi archives and shit, except it's Obi-wan and Anakin going.
>after that assassination attempt, Padme decides to leave politics and resigns as Chancellor and go back to her home planet of Naboo.
>this leads to the second term of Sheev......

>>216992146
>Why would Vader give a shit about the droids' identification?
Oh, I don't know, maybe because he's looking for them? Designations are shown in the story to be droids unique identifiers. That aside, you are vastly discrediting Vader's perceptiveness. He is shown as having inhuman ability to perceive places, events, and things based on their importance. All force users have that ability. However, you don't need the force to remember 2 distinct droids, one who was one you built yourself and gifted to your now dead wife and the other who was your companion throughout the Clone Wars. You don't need to be Sherlock Holmes to immediately see the significance of their presence meaning there is a mysterious connection between Padme and the Organa family just by their being there.

>>216993299
"I hate sand" is a perfectly well written line for a children's film. Explain what's even wrong with it.

>>216993407
I really don’t see this as a viable defense of the movies. Children’s films can still be well written

>>216993453
Explain how it's a poorly written line.

>>216993463
But anon, we already both agree that it’s a poorly written line.

>>216993517
No. I said it's a perfectly well written line for a kid's film, and if you complaint is that it's not subtle enough, you should consider the fact you're watching a kid's film.
Calling your villain faction "the Evil Empire" is also ridiculously on the nose, but it's fine because it's a kids' film.

>>216993375
>eventually Padme contacts Obi-wan and Anakin on Kamino
>Dooku contacted her, telling her she was actually forced out of office by Sheev, in aligns with other powerful senators, including Senator Binks and the Speaker though a secret roll vote. Basically a palace coup. He wants to discuss father on Geonosis in order to use them as support for the Separatists.
>So they arrive at Geonosis only for it to be revealed it was Dooku behind the assassination plots on Padme, they send the transition and get captured.
>Senator binks introduces the resolution to give Sheev emergency powers for create a clone war and he appoints the Jedi council as heads of it
>Padme, Anakin and Obi-wan are given a choice, either join the Separatists or execution the stadium
>movie more or less plays out same way it does till the end.

>Anakin's mom died off screen when she got freed and married the Lars family

>>216985143
Update the VFX. Done.

Well here it is, the Star Wars video essay I've been working on all year!

It's twenty years of stray observations about the films and especially the prequels which should be interesting to people, and a rebuttal to Red Letter Media and all those other terrible YouTube reviews, hopefully combined into an interesting essay.

Being me, it talks a lot about Bob Dylan and Kubrick and all those other guys I'm always on about, and I could have cut it down or cut it up into separate videos, but in the end I didn't want to. It all ties together, and I think it's interesting.

For all the people over the years who ask why I like the Star Wars prequels so much and I've said it's a complicated subject that takes a long time to get into, well, it looks like 2 hours and 20 minutes is about how long it takes to get into, and here's your answer!

How to Watch Star Wars, Part One: The Prequels Are Better Movies Than You Deserve

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqnjzVX8EKA

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>>216991036

I've never heard of that one. Interesting take indeed.

It makes sense though, Anakin came to subconsciously associate sexual desire with political power. Granted he wasn't around to witness the senatorial dysfunction Padme has to deal with, but he not doubt heard about it later.

>>216993579
Perfectly well written for a kids film == poorly written. You are manufacturing an excuse for the line being poorly written. You wouldn’t need an excuse if the line wasn’t poorly written.

>>216990339
this one is pretty good

>>216987831
>and Dooku to actually exist in all three movies,
Why are there no flash backs in these films?

Also thoughts on maybe bringing Maul back for the second one as a big secret reveal twist? Something something his alien race can survive extreme conditions and major cuts to their body because their vital organs work into over drive in their body gets cut off from other parts.

>>216994057
No. Roald Dahl's books are well written, and you can appreciate them as an adult, but you wouldn't expect them to give you something on the level of real literature.
Also, you're avoiding telling me why "I hate sand" is a bad line. Probably because you don't know.

>>216994228
Why cite authors you’ve never personally read as an excuse for poor writing in the prequels?

>>216994278
I read Roald Dahl books when I was a kid, because they're for kids.

>>216994302
>I read Roald Dahl books when I was a kid, because they're for kids.
You are aware kids movies are supposed to be enjoyed by all ages right? I know this might be hard for you to grasp in 2025, but this is how it always was.

>boy who grew up in miserable conditions in a desert hates sand
yeah? Genuinely, what?

>>216994329
right, and I enjoy all of the original six SW, but I enjoy them with an understanding that they're basically for kids. I don't expect them to be the Sopranos.
What's your point?

>>216994331
I feel like the sand thing is a reference to 1993 Stalingrad that George might have seen when the German troops are talking about how being in Stalingrad is better than North Africa because of the sand.

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>>216990339
>bunch of young Imperial characters from the Original Trilogy thrown in (Piett, Needa, Ozzel, etc.)
This shit was definitely needed, it's jarring how Tarkin and other imperial officers only show up for 5 seconds at the end of ROTS

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>>216994379
>This shit was definitely needed, it's jarring how Tarkin and other imperial officers only show up for 5 seconds at the end of ROTS

>inb4 Dave Fiolni TCW shit where they all just show up randomly

>>216992594
R2 is the one who hands off the story at the end, true, but in the beginning of a new hope, we follow both of them. If anything, we rely more on 3PO since R2 doesn't speak. So if you've decided that you want the droid to be the handoff point between trilogies, I think it makes sense to do both of them in the prequels, rather than have 3PO be an essentially new character with their relationship happening between films.

>>216994215
>Maul
I think a Maul surviving as Sidious apprentice, Dooku being a dark jedi acolyte and Grievous as droid commander, with Jango Fett as hired assassination would be CIS side almost unstoppable for Republic/Jedi to handle

>>216994449
>R2 doesn't speak.
You can more or less understand what he's saying by reading his beeps.

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Sand line is brilliant. Fucking plebs.

>>216994302
You should read more of him. You also shouldn’t compare him to a certified retard like George Lucas.

>>216994706
"guy on forum" always very confident that he can write better than George Lucas.

>>216994353
The point is you wouldn’t need this rationalization if you didn’t recognize the prequels were poorly written.

>>216994740
you haven't explained how the line is poorly written yet.

>>216992850
>Padme never finds out Anakin massacred the Tusken.
>It didn't make sense that she would just not care about massacred children.
I think it's important for her character that she knows anakin is turning sicko, but as everything with this movie it could have been handled better

>>216985143
>don't touch it

>>216994761
Because I don’t need to. We agree they’re poorly written. Our only difference is I’m not trying to make excuses for the poor writing.

>>216995058
>We agree they’re poorly written.
NTA. But no.

>>216995099
No one is falling for it bruh.

>>216995171
Cope harder.

>>216995200
I’m not the one who needs to make excuses for the prequels being poorly written.

>>216995265
You're the one who can't explain how they are poorly written.

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>>216987745
It's funny, innit. The story if the prequels is generally sound, and pretty much every fanfic trying to rewrite it ends up worse. Conversely, I've yet to see a sequel fanfic that's worse than those movies actually are.

i refuse to believe that there are humans seriously denying that the prequels are complete trash in 2025

>>216995058
No. I'm saying it's fine for kids' film.
By which I mean kids' require a slightly higher level of straight-forwardness to dialogue.
Calling your bad guys "the dark side" and having them dress in black is also something you should only really tolerate in a children's film. It's not "bad", it's just for children. It's great children's writing, actually. It gets the points across clearly.

>>216995309
Your attempt at excusing the poor writing due to the movies being for children, because some children’s media is poorly written, is an acknowledgement of the films poor writing. You can’t unring this bell.

>>216995310
The story of the prequels is sheev is a super genius and everyone else is a doodoo head

>>216995336
See >>216995383. You don’t need excuses for things that aren’t true.

>>216995425
bro, if "punch it, Chewie" was a line in the prequels, you would think that was shit dialogue too. Fuck off.

>>216995383
>Your attempt
No.
>at excusing the poor writing due to the movies being for children
Also no.

>>216995442
And now you’ve moved on to baseless accusations.

>>216995471
stop evading and explain how the sand line is a bad line.

>>216995485
Why? You agree is poorly written, you admitted as such as you started trying to make excuses for it.

>>216995485
explain to me why you dont like the taste of turds, or i will see it as proven fact that turds are in fact delicious

>>216995528
No I don't. Star Wars is a well written movie for kids. Captain Planet is poorly written trash for kids. See the difference?
>>216995559
>food analogy

>>216995571
>for kids
this is a qualifier, which wouldn’t be necessary if you didn’t need to make excuses for the movies being poorly written.

>>216995571
>food analogy
yes so what? explain exactly how that is a bad analogy or i will take it as proven fact its a good analogy

>>216995623
so explain how the line is poorly written.

I also would not accept "punch it, Chewie" in the Godfather, because it sounds silly and juvenile. But it fits just fine in SW.

>>216995653
Because movies are not food.

>>216995669
I don’t need to, because you keep admitting you agree the movies are poorly written, because the only defense of them you can muster is “it’s okay for adult clairvoyant space wizards to sound retarded because it’s a kids movie.”

Just fix the writing and acting between Anakin and Padme. The entire story is perfectly fine

>>216995653
Autists can’t understand analogy. It’s a weak theory of mind thing.

>>216995703
You just can't comprehend that different movies are aimed at different demographics, and there's such a thing as "well written for kids".

How do the novel/comic book adaptations compare to the movie?

>>216995719
Equating thing you don't like to eating shit is just a bad argument all over.
We're not eating shit. We're watching a movie. try again.

>>216995688
thats just a restatement of the fact that its an analogy. you failed to explain why its a bad analogy, or why arguments from analogy are generally invalid (good luck)

>>216995727
>bad writing is fine because it’s for kids

You can’t help it can you.

>>216995782
You think you're a better writer than CS Lewis?

>>216995780
Explain how the sand line is analogous to ingesting shit.

>>216993383

Even without Vader having that level of detail, he still does everything "correct" in ANH with regards to getting them back. The droids would have been easily intercepted had it not been for Obi Wan, and it would have been unreasonable for Vader to plan for that course of events because Obi Wan is there for Luke, who Vader is not aware of.

Does he get their actual serial numbers or identification in ANH? I remember it just being him knowing that an escape pod was launched without a person in it, and then they found one part on the planet's surface that confirmed it was droids that were launched. Where would this more in depth identification even have a chance to impact the story?

>>216995796
>you can’t point out bad writing unless you’re a successful writer

I always forget what the name of this fallacy is

>>216995817
they both cause displeasure to any halfway normal, reasonable person. hope that helps your understanding

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>>216995922
>bro keeps deflecting
Dum-dum.

>>216995954
>argumentum ad populum
Oh no no no no no no

>>216995954
the line causes me no displeasure whatsoever.

>>216995922
>misses the point again

>>216995984
i did not present an 'argumentum ad populum' because i didn't even present an argument at all, my brain injured friend, i merely answered your question in which way the two cases are analogous. whether they are in fact analogous in the way i claim cannot be decided by considering some archive of logical fallacies, im afraid.

>>216996028
yes i have no problem admitting that there are unreasonable and weird people on 4chan, here you will also find all kinds of serious mental illness, so this is not a surprising sentiment, just as it would not be surprising for someone on here to say they enjoy ingesting shit

>>216996050
No. You. “It’s for kids” is not the end-all criticism shield you think it is by sheer virtue of how rare outright shit writing is even in children’s media.

>>216995485
The sand line makes sense in context:
>Padme: "We used to come here for school retreat. We would swim to that island every day. I love the water. We used to lie out on the sand and let the sun dry us and try to guess the names of the birds singing."

>Anakin: "I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything is soft and smooth."

>>216996217
Is the context that padme is talking to a person with brain damage?

>>216996148
>"did not present an 'argumentum ad populum'"

>explain how the sand line is a bad line
>"explain to me why you dont like the taste of turds"
>explain how the sand line is analogous to ingesting shit
>"they both cause displeasure to any halfway normal, reasonable person"
>meaning: sand line bad because causes displeasure to any halfway normal, reasonable person
>but totally not argumentum ad populum
There's a slur for people like you.

>>216996334
Is the context of rizz, you fucking midwit.

>>216996380
*In

>>216996159
I've quantified what I meant by "it's for kids" about three times.
it doesn't mean you can just write shit, and get away with it. It does mean the writing requires a certain level of simplicity and directness.
Do you not agree? Do you think kids' movies should be functionally the same as adult movies, or do you just hate kids and not want them to have movies at all?

>>216996380
Anon you’re like 40. Stop trying to sound like a child.

>>216996499
Not even close.

>>216996217
Yeah, it's literally fine.
One of those things I barely noticed at all when I saw the movie, and then was later told was embarrassing for some reason.

>>216985143
step 1 is figure out what doesn't work in the movie. for me it's
>shoe horned padme/anakin romance storyline
>simultaneously obi wan doing a sidequest based on a poison dart and stumbles upon a secret cloning facility
so with that in mind, you just remove the romance subplot and have anakin AND obi wan on the quest to figure something out - have them go on the same adventure but together and actually build a relationship between those two characters. everything else probably just works fine and falls into place anyway more neatly. we don't really need scenes of anakin/padme having dinner or having a picnic. they can still be infatuated and end up together without being hit over the head with it.
if anything, it would be a better end result if anakin was on the quest to figure out what was going on out of his feelings for padme

>>216986664
Lexi was a cutie.

>>216996492
Feel free to provide examples of other children’s media where characters just blurt out lines like anakin does in the prequels

>>216996621
>just blurt out lines
>still can't into context

>>216996621
>blurt out lines
It's called speaking, anon. Humans do it.

>>216996653
>>216996647
… so no examples to support your excuse for the horrid writing of the prequels…

>>216996776
I don't even know what you're mad about.
What do you think is wrong with the sand line? They're having a moment, comparing their different childhoods, and he's not so low-key trying to fuck her. It's not that deep.

>>216996823
The point is you’re making excuses to defend the line. Because you know it’s bad.

>>216996342
>meaning: sand line bad because causes displeasure to any halfway normal, reasonable person

that would be an accurate inference, however its still not an argumentum ad populum because its not an appeal to majority or even any number of people sharing some belief (thats what an argumentum ad populum is) but rather a claim about some judgement relating to properties of normalcy and rationality, an entirely different kind of claim. you are still free to enjoy the dialogue, just as you are free to eat shit and call it delicious, without a person in the world being able to prove you wrong.

>>216996859
I literally don't think it's bad. And would go as far as to say it's good.

>>216996873
If that were true, you wouldn’t be making excuses.

>>216996950
It's not an excuse to differentiate between good writing for children and good writing for adults.
You're too low IQ to have this conversation.

>>216993375
>>216993619
This one has potential

>1 billion comments into the argument
>sand hater has yet to give a single reason the line is bad

>>216996990
Yes, it is. Because kids aren’t stupid. They recognize forced, stilted, awkward, unnatural writing.

>OT grampas genuinely don't grasp that a guy called "Dark Invader" who dresses all in black, and worships "the dark side of the force", would be laughed out of the room in a movie for actual adults.
Imagine that showing up in Cape Fear.

>1 billion comments into the argument
>shit hater has yet to give a single reason eating shit is bad

>>216997021
Name me one child who pointed to the sand scene and said what you just said.
>uh, daddy. This writing is forced, stilted, awkward, and unnatural. I think we must ask for out money back...

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>>216996866
Your line of reasoning is populist in nature, pilpul champ.

>>216985143
Do exactly what they did for Backstroke of the West
Done.

>>216997069
You'd have to be pretty fucking stupid not to be able to name a single reason eating shit is bad.

>>216997047
Yeah everyone hated the OT I was there

>>216997075
What type of autism results in a person thinking if they can’t articulate something they don’t feel it?

>>216997123
Eating shit is bad because it's of no nutritional value, and will make you ill.
Can't say that about movies you don't like.
>>216997177
No child was ever offended by this dialogue.

>"I hate sand" causes displeasure to any halfway normal, reasonable person
Not true.
>>216997177
>they feel it
How would you know?

>>216997192
The prequels clearly damaged your brain.

>>216997206
The success of the plinket reviews was seated in articulating feelings towards the prequels people felt but couldn’t describe.

>>216997254
100 IQ people. Bravo.

>>216997123
you'd have to be very mentally ill to require a reason beyond its immediate appearance

I guess put all that shit from cartoons that prequel apologists say fixed them into the actual movies

>>216997278
nah. The cartoons legit suck and are for manchildren. The movies are kino.

>>216997278
*I have not seen the cartoons or the last movie because the first two are shit

>>216997264
Or ya know. Children.

>>216997422
No.

>>216998011
Yeah.

>>216998043
>children
>watching RLM
lol

>>216985143
Padme let’s anikan suckle her tits for a solid 4 minutes somewhere at the 20 minute mark
She lectures him on the state of affairs of her homeworld and the galaxy at large at he slurps away, this will establish the SW universe better

>>216985143
Anikan has sex with sand people. Not just the men. The women and the children too.

>>216998112
You are legitimately retarded. The people who watched the prequels as children and couldn’t articulate why they were such shitty movies.

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All it needs is more time in the editing room. Hal9000's edit proves exactly that. Same movie, but much more polished. One point against it though was the removal of Yoda's lightsaber fight. Good thing I got a version that includes it.

Fans and their ideas...

Warcraft 3 frozen throne was the proper trajectory for the fall of anakin. Good person desperate against almost unstoppable enemy becomes worse.

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>>216996334
>Padme mentions laying on sand
>Anakin says he doesn't like sand
What's the problem here?

>>216999108
anakin isn’t a retard

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>>216985143
Jar-Jar dies in the bombing of the landing platform at the start.

>>216995957
People don’t like the I don’t like sand line, but what they actually don’t like is a lack of game, and who amongst us hasn’t said something pants on fire retarded while trying to talk to a girl for the first time? Me personally? I probably would have said it when she was in the black dress, during the fireplace scene.
>Oh god, she looks so hot. I can see her nice perky titties popping out of the top of that corset… Oh my force. I’ve done nothing but be stuck around celibate dudes my whole life.
>I know, I’ll say something cool about myself…