https://youtu.be/lyMA9YvDxEY
>>217002293The only thing I like about Conan O'Brien is that he is directly responsible for Rob Reiner's death.
No one under the age of 80 still buys saltine crackers.
>>217002344Hospitals and hospices still buy them.
>>217002344I always have saltines in the house. I put canned tuna on them its good.
unfunny bit
>>217002344If you don't have>2% or whole milk>white bread>peanut butter>saltine crackers>sliced bologna>sliced american cheese in your house at all times then you're not white and not an american.
>>217002344ritz > saltines
>>217002476gross, no
>>217002489Ritz are better with cheese but you can put anything on a saltine
>>217002476Ritz are not nearly as good in soups and chili.
>>217002344Nuh uh, my grandparents are in their 70s and always have a cracker jar
>>217002344What else am I going to put my imported vegemite on?
>>217002293they dont make Kosher Crackers at his Christmas Party, thats for sure
>>217002476>>217002559Goldfish were made as soup cracker originally
>>217002344I heard it’s been a couple of weeks since Rob Reiner bought any. Checks out.
>>217002325stop trying to make me like Conan
>>217003209>they go so good with my matza ball soup!
saltine crackers are an antiquated snack from when it was a luxury to be able to purchase a teaspoon salt. they taste like ass and suck dick
>>217003289that doesn't make sense any way you come at it
>>217002293>Conan looks imperiously down his nose at the cowering Reiner family.>“What do you mean you didn’t bring any saltine crackers?”>“I didn’t know you wanted any. I did bring a bottle of red though” sputters Rob.>“I didn’t know I’d want any when I invited you. But now I have a terrible craving. You should have forseen that!”>“Yeah dad, how did you miss that? You’re embarrassing me in front of Conan!” Rob’s son hisses at him.>Rob goes to defend himself, but Conan cooly cuts him off.>“No Robert, your son is quite within his rights to be upset with you” he said calmly.
>>217002293probably not, jews claimed they were too white
>>217002407i used to like mustard sardines on them and also salt & pepper triscuit
>>217002641i must apologize, corn bread and frito scoops replaced my saltines in chili for me.
>>217002293>To make gefilte fish, you first fillet the throat?
>>217002293So him and hader are just gonna completely avoid talking about it huh?
>>217002344Regular people buy them all the time. Conan doesn't know because he hasn't done his own shopping since the 80's.
>>217002344when i was a little younger a common meal for me was half a tube of saltines dipped in condensed chicken noodle soup.
>>217004939honestly does he even shop at all? i probably wouldn't, just eat out for every meal who cares
>>217005091I heard he only consumes emotionally delicacies, such as the exquisite terror of a father at the mercy of his son’s psychotic break. The more deeply agonal the fear, the more excruciating the last moments, the better.
>>217002293>217005091That's because he's rich and hasn't done his own grocery shopping in decades.
>>217002344The last time I saw a saltine cracker was like 6 months ago when I got a handful of individual small packs with my chili order from wendys. If they didn't come free with that shit it would have been closer to 20 years since I last saw any saltines when my grandparents were still alive. I don't think even my parents buy the things.
They're meant for soup. Ritz and other types of crackers immediately dissolve in liquid. Saltine crackers manage to hold up. I don't know what they manage to do it.
>>217002293>do they even make thing>I have someone do my shopping for me>fucking poors>LMAOWhat a gay.
>>217002559>ANythingOk anon I would like Ever Anderson on a saltine plelase
>>217003016lol
>>217002325Fpbp
>>217003434I love this shitI live for it
Anyone else going to Conans New Years party this year?
When did you realize Jay won?
>>217003434Kino
Didn't he enable the murder of a bunch of people? How is he still happily podcasting?
>>217007574>Didn't he enable the murder of a bunch of people?No>How is he still happily podcasting?Not his problem
>>217002293Why do the individually packed Zesta saltines they give you for soup or chili taste so good?
>>217007503jay is proof the autistic can be successful late night hosts
>>217007708They go through another separate conveyer in which a single spray of msg is applied before the baking process source: my dad molested me
>>217004574In Hollyweird celebs and actors give themselves 4 months of holidays so conan hasn't been in front of a camera or mic since before thanksgiving
>>217006894>"sona, fake laugh on eduardo's cue"
>>217002344dont tell me you put ritz in your tomato soup bro
>>217007971Sounds yummyAre you too picky to eat certain crackers in cheap soup
>>217007995ritz are oily and grossthey're banned in parts of europe for a reason
>>217002325Based if true. Totally redeems himself.
>>217008072They're not halal?
>>217002461>>2% or whole milkBased>>white breadHomemade sourdough>>peanut butterChunky.>>saltine crackersMostly for soup.>>sliced bolognaGuilty pleasure.>>sliced american cheeseBased (for me it's pepper jack).
>>217002325>>217002641>>217003016What soup my knee grow?
>>217008072>”Ew yucky oil!” *texts barf emoji with screen effect*, spins in a VERY feminine pirouette and claps her sissy hands with long manicured nails against her rosy cheeks like a gay transvestite kevin McAllister drag queen lookalike and goes “Oh daddy please make it stop I’m so but greasy for daddy soup not this ritz schlitz! daddy I want saltines to salt my daisy!”Get a load of this mary
>>217008072>"Ohhhh nooo, not the ScAaAaRy American grease-sticks!" *he squeals in a voice three octaves higher than his receding hairline deserves*, clutching his pearl necklace like a Victorian widow who just spotted a factory worker's bare ankle. >"These vulgar Ritz crackers are BANNED in civilized nations—just like free speech and testosterone!" He fan-kicks his knockoff Gucci loafers in the air, his onions-latte complexion flushing as he whimpers, "I can't possibly digest anything that isn't organically hand-massaged by Nordic virgins under a blood moon! Daddy EU would NEVER allow such CRUDE OILS near my delicate colon—give me a quinoa crisp or I'll write a Yelp review in BLOOD!" >*Proceeds to deep-throat a baguette while sobbing in French*
