>now divert his piss into two unpredictable streams>make sure hes wearing his favourite loafers
>deploy jason goldstriker
guicci loafers
Gotta pull your peehole open after you coom bro
>>217305269>*porche with a broken muffler heard in the distance. It pulls up an parks outside*>4 hours later a man in a tattered blue suit emerges from the basement door with boxing gloves>doesn't even say hello and just starts practicing in the garage even though he's already winded from coming up the steps
>>217305247>not good enough. Make the stream come out perpendicular to his penis
>>217305360How the fuck does this happen?
>>217305360>WAIT zoom in the camera>intact....perfect>circumsize him
>Make sure his piss comes out in two streams: the first one directly over the bowl, and the second straight onto the lid.Why did they do this to him?
>put the drippers on a delayed timer, let him feel safe
>>217305247Lol
>he took a perfectly normal shit before his morning shower?>in 5 minutes, give him an IBS attack
>>217305489>wait till he sits down... now send the spurt
>no matter>testicular torsion
this is my favorite carrey film by a good margin, it's unfortunate /tv/ made it one of its worst memes
Interesting filmWhen I was 14, my pothead friend recommended it to me and it blew my mindIt's a gnostic allegory, kinda like Dark City, Thirteenth Floor, or The Matrix
>>217305247Give him a fetish for dragons and dinosaurs so he can never be sexually fulfilled. And if he confesses this to a woman, have her make fun of him instead of dressing up like a velociraptor and stalking him through a cornfield and pouncing on him.
Sir, he's drawing pictures of babies and jerking off on them
>splash a drop of piss right back to his eye>DO IT
>increase the sink pressure so it splashes back on his pants>cue his workplace crush to walk past him on his way back to his desk
>>217305247>not sitting down to pee
>>217305489>>217305808too real
>>217305247>>217305827Micro dick problems.Imagine not having a urethra large enough to slide a #2 pencil into. Might as well live in India in that case.
>>217305871anon.....I....
>>217305247>have him molested at a young enough age that it impacts his brain development and leaves him with schizophrenic tendencies
>hold it>hold it>hold it>okay, now let him expel exactly two drops of urine>good, now maintain his urge to piss and hold it again>hold it>hold it>hold it>now release the stream of blood!
>Make him think it's only a fart.
>>217306420>sir thats the final straw you cant possibly ask me to execute such an action
>>217305535The piss kept splashing out of the bowl creating a fine mist of urine around the toilet on the floor and his feet/bare legs.
>>217305247i always confuse Ed Harris stills from the Truman Show with his role in the Rockis this alzheimers?
>>217306507>WHERE IS MY FUCKING SLOW MOTION?!!
>sir, he's farting on his fingers and sniffing them again while shouting "I AM THE STINKING KING, I CAN FART ON ANYTHING", should we go to commercial?
>>217306507>follow my orders or I'll replace you with someone who will
>>217306585I'll allow it
>>217306549No, I think it's the beret and headset. He has operator vibes.
>>217305247>make him think he has a chance
>>217305489every time
>>217305641>gnostic allegorywatch the game
>Sir he's sitting down. HE'S SITTING DOWN.>Give him a half stock so his dick peers out of the bowl. He'll piss on everything.
>>217306648This The Game? I've never seen it and I just assumed it was some generic suspense/thriller.
>Is he STILL at it?>Yes sir, 8 straight hours of interjecting into random arguments on 4chan, pretending to be someone else while typing out the most ridiculously stupid stuff I've ever read, then giggling like a baby when he gets a single reply 45 minutes later calling him an idiot.>Fascinating, keep it rolling.
>SIR CODE RED CODE RED HES ABOUT TO OPEN /gif/
>>217306706The Game is unironically one of the best films ever, highly recommend, it's also got a lot of early to mid 90s nostalgia feeling to it.
>>217306742I loved the entire movie up until the ending. The pretense of how and why it was all set up just seemed too ridiculous for me to suspend my disbelief, and knowing that he was never in any real danger ruins the thriller part of it.The only part of it I did like is the fact that he can never really be sure if the game is actually over and he's back to normal.
>>217305340I’ve had it happen from a stray pubic hair.
>>217306742Added to the list!
>ensure that the only media he has access to has nothing but low-brow toilet humor and anthropomorphic animals>now zoom in on his first arousal response
>the ratings are through the roof since that last episode, for some reason people really resonated with Truman masturbating to Bugs Bunny in drag and then debating with himself afterwards that it's not technically gay
>>217305489I swear the day I entered my 30's this became an issue. Neither my dad or older brother gave me a warning
>this fucking threadI'm laughing so hard I'm fucking crying
>If you have any concern for the ratings of this show, you will divert Truman's piss into two unpredictable streams.
>>217306641>humiliate him in front of everyone
>sir, he's furiously beating his dick while crying that he really needs to piss>I don't understand why he keeps doing this, he knows full well that urinating after he nuts is next to impossible
Whats with the piss?
>>217306693I had this happen to me in elementary school. I had to wait in the office half naked under a blanket for like an hour so they could run my piss-soaked pants and underpants through a washing machine for me, it was the worst.
>>217305435>okay now we need to make sure his cock is angled up so when he's taking a shit and tries to piss it starts shooting out of the crack between the seat and the bowl and sprays all over the back of his pants
>>217306842What the fuck are you talking about? Diarrhea?
>>217305535better for looking at phone and less messi almost exclusively piss sitting down
>>217306857Same, lmao
>>217306908If you don't know then just consider yourself lucky
>>217306887
>>217305247Good thread.
>>217306897Sir! He kicked his pants and underwear off before he sat down! Please advise!
>>217306908You finish pissing, wrap up your dick, then a couple drops leak out in your pants
>>217306887>>217306693>2nd grade>teacher is an ancient 70 year old cunt with a fucking attitude, worst teacher I remember through all of my childhood>first day>doing some stupid booklet or something>really need to piss>ask to go multiple times>she refuses to let me go because she's a cunt>have to piss so badly it legitimately feels like something in my groin is starting to tear>get so desperate and mad at her I stand up, drop trou and piss all over the seat>get sent home>mom comes to pick me up>furious at first but then starts laughing her ass off when I explain
>He took a sip of water 2 hours before going to sleep?>Yes sir>But he peed right before getting in bed?>Correct >The second it his 2 AM I want him waking up pissing himself. Full torrent.>But sir...>Just do it!
>>217306929>>217306908>>217306842I have heard that the random spouts are from your bladder not emptying completely due to prostate enlargement, look up a picture of it online it makes sense
>>217306980give it a good shake and when you are pulling your pants back up, try to drag them along the underside of your dick, for some reason that tends to help coax the last few droplets out
>ok, now as he wipes make his finger bust through the toilet paper and his finger go into his asshole so that he realizes how good it feels igniting his curiosity to go further
>>217306878>humiliate him in front of everyone
>>217306881>sir, he is planking on a toilet seat, he is about to piss ignoring his erection...>we were too cocky, too sure of ourselves...deploy the left kidney stone
>>217306993Is it normal to have to piss like 2 hours after drinking a bottle of water? I hate this shit, I want to hydrate before sleeping but then I end up having to wake up to deal with the consequences of it.
>>217306980You finish pissing then pinch your dick. Put it back in your pants then immediately pull it back out and unpinch. Alternatively wad some toilet paper and hold on your head while putting it back in your pants. Wait for dribble then dispose of toilet paper in bowl.
>>217307038Is it normal to feel like going to the toilet straight after you go? Is it stress related?
>>217307038everytime I drink water like an hour before I sleep I end up having to piss middle of the night so I just end up drinking nothing at least 2-3 hours before I sleep and then I piss immediately before I sleep. Only started happening around the time I hit 28-29 almost 30 just piss myself at night (or cum not sure) if I dont empty my shit
>what the fuck is that! Where did he get a bidet attachment thats not possible someone must have smuggled it in oh fuck look at him LOOK hes actually happy FUCK SOMEONE DO SOMETHING FUCKING CUT HIS WATER DO IT DO IT DO IT
>It's true that a lot of Truman's development happens behind the scenes, when he goes to bed. >For instance we uh, for years now, we've made sure that he wakes up in the middle of the night desperately needing to piss. But we also make sure that he's also incredibly thirsty. His throat is so dry it's almost painful, and he knows he won't be able to sleep without at least a full glass of water.>So you see he's caught in this... this horrible loop. And he knows that he's going to be in this exact same situation in not even two hours. It's brilliant, it's..>Excuse me, what? What do you mean "why?"
>>2173070561st of kegel exercises of pissing/holding the piss variety.2nd brute force you push slightly above dick, in the empty space behind the fat.simple as.
>Increase the water level in the toilet bowl.>But... but sir, his balls are already almost touching->Just DO IT!
>>217307106fucking kek
>>217307176That actor looks familiar but i didn't watch Truman show.What else is he in?
>he went straight to sleep after busting one?>and he didn't piss at all afterwards?>okay, let's wait until he wakes up and then ensure that revealing himself is the most torturous ordeal that he's ever experienced
>>217307210Saving private RyanDonnie BrascoYour mom
>>217305545>wait till he sits down... now send the spurtevery fucking time, I hate it so much
>>217307038It happens to me. I usually try to drink my water during the evening and stop consuming any liquids by 10. I also sip and don't guzzle. But even though I usually don't go to bed until after 1AM and be right beforehand, I will still usually wake up at 4 or 5 in the morning with a full bladder ready to burst. It's annoying as shit.>>217307064That happens to me all the time. It could be stressed related although I'm not sure if that's my issue. But yea, I'll sit on the pot and take a shit and piss. Sit there for a bit, usually I'll have more piss come out, clean up and then as I'm washing my hands, I'll have to pee again.
>>217306842samei exclusively started only wearing 100% cotton briefs as it socks it better and prevents it from showing on my khaki bets, not fool proof though
>>217307308*soak, not socks
>oh look hes almost done pooping>....enlarge the final portion of the turd
>he's posting that cartoon frog again>give him a 300 second cool down
>>217305641>Thirteenth Floorthis any good? it's the only one of those I haven't seen.
>When he poos make some of the water splash up his butthole
>graze truman's left gonad with the rim of the toilet seat>not hard, but just enough to nauseate him
>>217306993Iktf
>Added to the list!
>>217306878AI
>>217305489just put your dick back in your pants and then immediately take it out again
>Make him post in a 4chan thread where I say ridiculous things that would never happen in the movie>What movie Sir?>DO IT!
>>217307421It was decent
>have him pee a little bit in his underwear while half-asleep. Just a squirt so it's damp but not wet
>>217305535>have him lean back a little too far and have the piss shoot out between the bowl and the lid so it hits the wall infront of him
>>217305247>let the morning light in through the window>focus the beam intensly on the toilet>good, good. Commence pissing>now let him witness the truth but be completely powerless to stop it, he just has to live with it>watch as it splashes and hits the water, let the lightt illuminate the shower of tiny piss droplets jumping out all over the place
>>217307553I never even heard of it. It must have been overshadowed by the other "reality is a simulation" movie released that year.
>make him shit on the floor
>>217306990Based seatpisserYou mogged that dumb cunt
>>217305247His 2nd best role next to RoboCop.
>Deploying flatulence in 3...2...>Wait! What's the fecal content on this one?>It's just pure gas sir, like all the others.>No.... No... Get some solid matter in there. He's become far too trusting this season
>sir, he's gone into the bathroom and begun pissing while walking around. He's hitting everything with the stream. The walls, the toilet paper, the sink faucet, his own towels. Wait- look- this... this cant be... he's shooting up at the ceiling! Sir, why has he done this? Sir?>fascinating. Refill his bladder immediately before the stream cuts off>bu->do it!
>every time he flushes the toilet make sure a few giant drops of water splash out and land on his bare feet and toilet seat
>>217306993>Sir he is exceptionally comfortable in bed and wants to go to sleep now, he hasn't had that much to drink, maybe we ju->GIVE HIM THE FEELING OF REALLY HAVING TO PISS EVEN THOUGH WHEN HE GETS TO THE TOILET IT WON'T BE A LOT... OR I'LL FIND SOMEONE ELSE WHO CAN!
>every time he looks down at his phone let hair fall onto his screen to remind him
>He's gotten drunk? Excellent. Have him wake up with shit in his bed
>"slow his bowel frequency down to once a week"
>>217307634Yeah, same, someone on here recommended it to me and I watched itIt was good but basically, yeah, I just think the other "reality is a simulation" movies are more interesting
>he thinks he just has to fart>cue the mud butt
>>217306980I have a towel just for wiping residual pee off
Have you ever had a trident, bros? Not two, but THREE streams? I did
>He posted in a thread?>Good, kill the thread. No new replies
>>217307868gross, use tp for that
>>217307887>He's been making posts all day? Ensure he gets zero (You)s despite his efforts at engaging in actual discussions on various topics
>>217307354>extend its length to a completely unflushable dimension>now summon Meryl to the bathroom door to rush him
>leave the perfect amount of toilet paper on the roll to convince him that he has nothing to worry about but not enough to finish the job, also make sure he's wearing his white underwear tomorrow
>Sir, he...he's pleasuring himself>Get the mother in the room now!>I said act repulsed, god damn it! That's aroused!>Sir, our viewership is at an all-time high>...Tighten the mosaic. Get your lips around it>That's our hero shot
>>217307986>sir hes getting even more toilet paper to wipe with>good, cue the smear of blood
>>217305489>>217306842>>217306980I know just the product for you.
>>217307793Is this something that actually happens to you people?
>begin implementing a sense of pain and tightness in his sternum every morning as soon as he wakes up>make it subtle and hard to pinpoint; he shouldn't be able to tell if it's his heart or just muscle pain >make sure he gets the letter from his job that tells him United Healthcare is his new provider; we wouldn't want him getting a checkup anytime soon, would we? Sometimes i pity the bastard...
>Sir he's wearing shorts.>Decrease toilet height by 15%>Now increase bowl water>B-But sir won't that splash piss all over his le->Do it…>B-But then he'll have to shower or change into pant->JUST DO IT DAMN YOU.
>Hes taking a shit at 1am?>Clog it.
>>217305247that only happens after you masturbate and don't clean yourself sufficiently
>>217308121>cue up the dramatic musical sting>as soon as truman's fingers brush over the fleshy protrusions on his anus, cut to a tight reaction shot of his face
>Sir, he's about to finish shitting>Cut the turd, leave some shit stuck in his ass.>I want Truman wiping for at least an hour.
>>217308385>I SAID DO IT.>…Enlarge hemorrhoids
>>217307949>unflushable ha! I work with amatuers>give me unshitable, tear his colon if you must
>>217306706Lost.
>make it so his chronic knee, back and neck pain hurts the most when he’s lying in bed
>sir, he’s out drinking with friends >ok. have it so he wakes up in his bed, unable to remember how he got home and he’s wearing only underwear with blood in them
>>217306693had to pee and shit once so bad that shitting caused me to forcibly pee and i just pissed all over the floor. thankfully it was a tiled basement bathroom with a floor drain so not a huge deal
>>217307020nonwhite detected
>>217305535>nows the perfect time to give him an erection
>>217307655>sir...hes indian
>Now....deploy the eternal turd>I need him hitting at least 30 wipes>I want to see blood on the TP. We need his anus....raw.
>>217306990>1st grade>teachers being a cunt no one's allowed to go to the bathroom all day>try my best to hold it till lunch>so close almost there>I have to pee so bad I don't feel it anymore>just blinding pain at this point>Not gonna make it>I raise my hand to try asking one more, thinking I have time to sprint to the washroom >vastly miscalculated >teachers notices my raised hand>yes anon?>entire class looks over at me as I lose control of my bladder and begin to silently piss myself>uuuuuuuhhhhh nvm teacher>think no one noticed>literally puddle of piss forming around my desk>try and play it off that it wasn't my piss>wrangler jeans absolutely drenched in piss>go outside for recess in piss soaked wrangler jeans in the middle of January and freeze That was one of the moments that helped my teachers diagnose me with autism lol but I didn't want that bitch to yell at me just because I needed to piss
>>217309421same happened to me but I was so shy I didn't even ask to go out and just quietly peed myselfnobody noticed it in my class, neither did my teacherprobably, only a janny who had to clean my piss puddle I'm sure
>>217308031By far the most (you)'s I get on this board is either rage baiting or posting retarded shit completely unrelated to the threadWhenever actually bother to form a real response on this website it's usually met with people pretending to be retarded
>>217309292>lower the lighting! I want the porcelain to catch the glow of his demolished anus!>now roll the taco bell promo!
>>217309292>good, good>in 15 minutes make him shit again
>>217309510Lol
>shrink his penis
>>217305489oh fuck...
>>217309233>Huh? What's that noise? Quiet on set!Boom operator, get ready for the groan. It is coming any moment now
>>217308132Not me but a guy I know got so drunk that walking home he fell over and shit himself yeah
>>217305489You have to press your taint, you can thank me later.
After pissing push the spot between your asshole and balls and drag your fingers to the back of your balls while pushing, this will get the remaining piss out. Also works for cum. How the fuck do none of you know this?
>>217305247This guy is one of the worst pieces of shit antagonists in cinema history. One thing that annoys me about the movie is that he doesn't face any karma or revenge for what he has done.
I am getting paid for all this right?
>have him need to shit an hour or so after just showering and feeling clean>also give his shit that consistency right in the middle of diarrhea and solid so that it's a complete pain to wipe
>keep adding shit to his ass so he doesn't stop wiping>sir he's wiped 16 times already>let him wipe without any shit on the paper, then add some shit again
Jesus christ you retards.Stop eating garbage and use a bidet or baby wipes.
>>217310804
>>217310815after using japanese toilets, man....i miss those in built bidets shooting water up my asshole
>>217305340What if I just sit after a wank
>>217310804>increase dingleberry formation by 500%>make him rip out each hair one by one
>>217305535>"Angle his penis just enough to shoot through the devide between the bowl and the seat "
>"he's taking a shit in a public bathroom? Good, send in the gang of hooligans >"Have them bang on the doors of the stall">"Good good, now have the black one pull himself up over the stall and look down on him">"Now make him call out 'theres a guy shitting!' To his firends"
>Sir, He's pinching his foreskin closed and letting it fill up like a water balloon while pissing again
>>217307502This
>>217311209
>Five minutes til Truman's important call with his manager>Wait four minutes then make him piss. I want zero stream if he tries to go before then
>>217310689That's what I was gonna say.
>now have him waste a couple of hours browsing porn and finding nothing that appeals to him>great, let's do it again tomorrow
>he just pissed >make him need to piss again
>>217307887this happens to 90% of the threads i post in, totally organichere to kill this thread too
>>217307827>now increase his bowel frequency to 12 times a day
>>217311864>now make all of his shits permanently watery and also sting and itch his ass if he doesn't powerwash it with a bidet and apply five feet of cream every time he shits
>>217307887>he's finally found a thread with a topic he's interested in?>release the resident schizo, I want all discussion derailed immediately
>>217307887
>he made a risky off topic post sir >wait a bit make him think it's safe >delete the thread >he moved on to a different thread and is writing a normal post>now, ban him
>>217306996It could also be UTI.
>>217311706Simple solution, wait until you get horny. What you are doing is like eating while you are not hungry, you are going to eat approximately same amount of food, might as well wait a little and enjoy it
Anyone else dabbing their foreskin with a toilet paper after a piss? I like my underwear dry
>he's walking into the liquor store. make the employee walk to the back for five minutes and give him a couple minutes to really stew on it
>>217305247Ironic when y'all are living in the Ragebait Show:>now have them allow trannies into women's bathrooms>okay now have someone shoot the president but turn his head at the last second so it only hits his ear>commence illegal immigrant deportations on my mark, aaaaand ... go!>cue up Charlie Kirk assassination and tell the effects department I want maximum blood flow ...>move the lesbians to block the street in sector 9 and send in all ICE agents fully armed ...
>don’t allows the USB to work on the first try>or the second try either>let him rotate it back to its original orientation. There. Now allow it
>>217305247Do you think they circumcised Truman and was it broadcast live?
>make his girlfriend cheat on him
>he made a bateman thread?>give him only singles
>Sir, he's eaten a LOT of food in the past 3 days but still hasn't shit. He's freaking out a bit.>OK, let him take a shit, but only let out a single, small nugget, while also feeling completely emptied.>He's freaking out even more now sir.>This will be our greatest episode yet!
>increase the heat of the pillow... on both sides
>Now have him lean back another few degrees in his chair>further, until he feels like he's falling
>>217306648Existenz is also a pretty good watch imo.
>Alright, he's about to fall asleep>Make him feel like he's just tripped over, convulse his body, and make him wide awake
>>217305489>>217306842Pic related.>>217312201No, no one else on earth is doing it but you. That means you're the chosen one. That fucking thread I swear. We're living in the time of unlimited knowledge at the tip of our fingers but people keep asking themselves questions like this one.
>>217312297Let the demiurge have his fun, the boredom must be unbearable up there.
>>217306887This happened to me too one morning before school. But I had jeans and the stains weren't so clearly visible so I just put them on and went to school. Who cares, it's mostly just water
>>217310738>The Creator doesn't face any karma or revenge for what he has done.just like real life desu
>finally finds an entertaining thread>good, now have janny autosage it
>allow him to take a vacation>now make him sick with diarrhea and high fever during the exact days he took a vacation>make him healthy on the moment of getting back to work
>>217307569Never had this happen to me but laughed a lot nonetheless
