INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAYJerry is at the counter pouring cereal. George sits on the couch, deeply agitated. Elaine paces, holding her phone.JERRY: You know what I don’t understand? Why does cereal come with instructions? Who’s messing this up?GEORGE: (waves him off) This is serious, Jerry. Very serious.JERRY: Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize we were back in the “very serious” phase.ELAINE: (to George) You’ve been in a very serious phase since 1997.GEORGE: My office microwave is judging me.JERRY: Judging you?GEORGE: It beeped… differently today.ELAINE: Microwaves don’t judge.GEORGE: Oh really? Then why did it do three short beeps instead of the usual one long beep? That’s not neutral. That’s commentary.JERRY: Maybe it’s going through something.GEORGE: I heated up fish yesterday.ELAINE: You heated up fish in an office microwave?GEORGE: It was in a bag!ELAINE: That’s not better, that’s evidence.GEORGE: Ever since then, people have been staring. The microwave door closes harder. The turntable sounds resentful.JERRY: So you think the microwave has turned the office against you.GEORGE: I think it’s the ringleader.Elaine’s phone BUZZES. She groans.ELAINE: Great. My coworker just started a group chat called “Fun Office Polls.”JERRY: That doesn’t sound fun.ELAINE: First poll: “Who ate the fish?”George freezes.cont.....
>>217607241GEORGE: How do they know?!ELAINE: Because the entire floor smelled like a haunted pier.GEORGE: I panicked! It was either fish or yogurt that expired during the Clinton administration.JERRY: You always go with the option that has a sequel.ELAINE: Second poll just went up. “Should the person who ate the fish be allowed to use the microwave anymore?”GEORGE: This is a referendum on my life.JERRY: What are the choices?ELAINE: “Yes,” “No,” and “Report to management.”GEORGE: There’s a third option?!ELAINE: And it’s winning.GEORGE: That’s it. I’m bringing in donuts tomorrow.JERRY: A peace offering.GEORGE: No. A distraction. While they’re eating, I’ll reheat something innocent. Oatmeal. Soup. Something with no personality.ELAINE: You can’t win them back with oatmeal.GEORGE: People trust oatmeal.JERRY: Nobody trusts oatmeal. It’s just wet hope.ELAINE: (reading phone) Oh no… new poll.GEORGE: I can’t look.ELAINE: “If the fish person brings donuts, are they buying forgiveness?”GEORGE: What’s winning?ELAINE: “Yes, but only glazed.”GEORGE: (stands) I knew it. The microwave told them. It beeped in code!JERRY: Maybe the microwave’s not judging you. Maybe it’s warning everyone else.GEORGE: I’ve been betrayed by an appliance.ELAINE: Welcome to the 90s.George storms toward the door, then stops.GEORGE: You think I should go jelly or glazed?JERRY: If you’re asking me, you’ve already lost.George exits, distraught.ELAINE: You think he’ll ever be able to use that microwave again?JERRY: Oh sure. Offices forgive. They never forget… but they forgive.They pause.ELAINE: I once burned popcorn at work.JERRY: Where are you now?ELAINE: Here.JERRY: Exactly.They look at each other. Jerry slowly closes the cereal box.JERRY: You smell fish?
>>217607241>>217607248Jeez, and I thought the real Seinfeld was bad...
This was not funny at all. Also, confusing. Do Elaine and George work in the same office? Why would George blame an appliance? Did ChatGPT write this and it thinks objects are characters?
KRAMER: *slides in, audience claps* George I was just at your office and it smells like pussy!
>"A FREEZER YETI?">"A FREEZER YETI!">"A FREEZER YETI?">"Yes. a Yeti. IN MY FREEZER!"
>>217607337u can’t do better
>>217608155Have done.t. paid writer for comedians who lie about writing their own material and scripts
Newman: I’m going to tie up George and rape him for the next week
>>217608236>Someone hired to ghostwrite for untalented retards is terrible at his job and posts his fanfiction a 4chan shithole boardShocking
