Crystalline Fucking Shits editionPrevious: >>218041571
star trek sex with shran
>Alexander Hilary Kurtzman (born September 7, 1973) is an American filmmaker. He is best known for co-writing the scripts to Transformers (2007), Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), Star Trek (2009), Star Trek Into Darkness (2013), and The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014) with his writing and producing partner Roberto Orci, and directing and co-writing The Mummy (2017). He made his directorial debut with People Like Us (2012), co-written alongside Orci and Jody Lambert.Jesus wept
>this is a mining ship in the future
Why is she so perfect and why does she make my heart ache?
>>218057401You're ugly and lonely
>by the way I’ve fucked 1000s of guys and love Julian and Jadzia was thinking about other guys all the time when married to you>also you’re not that great a lay WHAT did Michael Dorn do to that writer’s room?
>>218057401She's going to lose that restraint thing and fuck shit up so Mir has to kill her.
What captain would you serve under and what ship would you serve on if you had the chance?
>>218057543She already ripped it out and Victoria Neuman'd a bunch of heads, which makes Betazoids comically OP now. I hope they retcon Timtam Elbrun as the Betazoid Timtamerlane
>>218057604Serving under Picard would be miserable honestly, mistakes would not go down well and would be met with a lecture and you’d have to earn trust back constantly. Too tit-for-tat. But the Enterprise-D would be the best overall ship.Kirk would be fun. Though there’s like a 70/30 chance you’re getting killed because of some batshit shenanigans.For me though it would be Archer. Put me in a flight suit and give me quarters on the NX-01 I am ready
>>218057604For me, it's NX-01
>>218057522>WHAT did Michael Dorn do to that writer’s room?He had his own fighter jets and the writer's room collectively could probably get a used Camry.https://www.slashgear.com/1693122/michael-dorn-star-trek-worf-military-jet-collection/
>>218057604>Yes Sir acting Captain Dax>Of course I would love to be your slave
>>218057604Zamn look at that ass on Archer
>>218057728You just know the real reason the Romulans attacked was to get a piece of that Archer booty.
>>218057701the F-86 Sabre is pure sex, he's got good taste
Are redshirts 'space-marines'?
>>218057604sisko and i would work some role involving bajor
>>218057604The correct answer would be serving a background role on the Ent-D so you get all the amenities without the danger.
>Meanwhile, at the Daystrom Institute
>>218057604Picard, Enterprise-D. Kirks not a bad captain but his era and his 5 year mission were a little too chaotic for my liking, I'd like to avoid dying on some random rocky planet or at the hands of some psychedelic goofy alien. Sisko seems like he'd be decent but he's a bit moody and also y'know there's a fucking war. Janeway should be self explanatory why it's a no. Archer is a close second to Picard. Picard can be uptight and a bit too lecturey but for the most part he's fair, understanding, and patient. The D is hands down the most comfortable ship to work on, I'd be down to work in the transporter room or something like that.
>>218058093Well observed
>>218057701LMAO no wonder he mainly stuck to voice acting after Star Trek. That's real Fuck You money.
>>218058093So are all red shirts just adrenaline junkies with a death wish? Cause they must know what to expect when they signed up.
There are currently 17 active rituals in /trek/.
>>218058430some people like law and order, I have a friend who became a cop because well it suits him, his older brother also wanted to be a cop they rejected him so he joined the army, that guy is an adrenaline junkie
/v/ does a way better job gatekeeping newfags and election tourists in their trek threads than we do in our general. what does that say about us?
It was a rituals hazard
>>218058509As long as someone posts without breaking the rules there's not really much you can do.
>>218058430They are the federations furry!
>>218057604>serve under Kirk>I'm TOS era Barclay
Do holodecks exist in TOS?
>>218058509our resident carpet cleaner is a real cunt
>>218058686They existed in ENT so yeah.
it was a ritual fire hazard (not really, it's replicated)
>>218058686No>>218058754Plot Hole
>>218057401>Betazoids have literally one defining physical characteristic that sets them apart visually from a regular-ass human and its the simplest fucking thing>couldnt be bothered to have the actress wear black contactsGiven how shit kurtzmanslop has been with everything else related to trek canon I bet they dont even fucking know betazoids have black irises.
>"I'm Cardassian, bitch.">fucks the nearest Bajoran woman
>>218058948It could be that the contacts are very irritating. In my youthful days scleral shells were all the rage and everyone gothed out with them and got conjunctivitis
When did you realize Star Trek is just Dungeons & Dragons in space?Vulcans = space elvesRomulans = space drowTellarites = space dwarvesKlingons = space orcsFerengi = space goblinsCardassians = space lizardmenBorg, Vidiians = space undeadChangelings = space mimicsVaadwaur, Voth = space people with dragon bloodSilicon-based aliens = space earth elementalsProphets = space celestialsPah-wraiths = space fiendsXindi = space animalfolkFluidic Space = Far RealmThe villains from the Mark Twain episodes = space mindflayersAndroids = space golemsJem'Hadar, Vorta = space flesh golemsQ, Organians, etc. = space gods
>>218059004Irish - Space Trolls
>>218057604Janeway...chilin' on deck 15 of Voyager.
>>218059004>space mimicsthey are dopplegangers fucking hell
>>218059084Here's your space mimic bro
>>218059004It's more like Trek and D&D were drawing from classic archetypes found in human storytelling.
>respect their species customs and values!!>captain their species customs and values are different than our own.>omg they are the hecking worse, how uncomfyliterally every 3rd episode of TNG
>>218058991Contact lens tech has advanced in 30 years, and they also have klingons with regular teeth and background aliens that have been functionally extinct for 1000 fucking years (pic related), so the evidence weighs more heavily towards them just not knowing or giving a shit.
Odo explains he looks the way he does because he sucks at shape shifting, yet every other changeling appears in the same way as a solid. Did they just forget or not want to confuse the television watching rubes?
>>218059510when they are not attempting to actually impersonate a specific person they just look passably humanoid without bothering to have any fine details because it's just less effort. in the episode where they kill a planet of their ancestors that's like 100s of years in the future he looks like this. he chilled out and bothered to assimilate his appearance better
>>218059004I really dislike DnD and think Forgotten Realms is maybe the most boring setting imaginable, but I love me shit like Dragon Age: Origins and Frieren.
>>218059654hasbro really has made it all the things nobody ever wanted, used to be cooler.
>>218059654Try Rifts™©® instead. Or don't, I'm not your real dad.
>>218058093more like thishttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Master-at-arms_(United_States_Navy)
>pilot>"The Prime Directive is not more important than the lives of an entire species.">episode 4>"We cannot violate the Prime Directive to save this species from extinction."lol that was fastKes is a qt and Federation law doesn't apply in the Delta Quadrant.
>>218059895That's he-man not trek
>>218059510the other changelings are copying odo to be polite because he is retarded. its like speaking slowly so a retard has time to process your words
>I am a murderer and rapist of women. On the holodeck.
>>218060682Not to mention his mother disappeared in space and we're never going to mention that again
Kirk lost nearly 100 crew members over the five year mission.Janeway lost around 40 during the seven year trip back to the alpha quadrant.
>>218060806>Kirk lost nearly 100 crew members over the five year mission.out of a crew of 400>Janeway lost around 40 during the seven year trip back to the alpha quadrant.out of a crew of 140Women can't be captains
>>218060936>out of a crew of 140Plus what, like 20-30 Marquis?
>>218060405So that female changeling was banging a retarded kid
>>218060806Janeway lost the entire crew save for Naomi and Kim when she blew up the duplicated ship rather than resist the viidians
>my DS9/Quark's Bar raktajino mugs finally came todayhad honestly forgotten I'd ordered them
>>218061285hey, same
>>218057206For a brief moment; I looked at that pic and thought the planet in the background was Mike's face.
>>218061246
>>218061267There was also that time they crashed onto an ice planet after trying to do the quantum slipstream thing, but future Kim fixed that.And there was that splintered future where Voyager became a generation ship and Naomi grew into this.
>>218060936Reminder that Paris hit it rawAlso I consider her the best and most realistic captain despite the storyline which actors can't control
Naomi Wildman's actress turns 38 this year.
>>218061790Neelix must pay for his crimes
>>218061285Yeah but isn't this the official mug
>Yes B'lonna, your people's afterlife is not only real but we can send you there temporarily to save your mother from Klingon hell>Sorry Neelix, your people's afterlife is a meme. There is nothing, you just die and never see your dead family again, no path no reunion just void forever
>>218061951This is insanely good character design btw
I like Odo but as the seasons progress I seriously got fed up with how his character was written. Way too many moments where Odo's justification or motive for something is just "What will Kira think? I need to make Kira proud! I need to save Kira!" Jesus Christ, shut the fuck up, man. It's like his character was just reduced to revolving exclusively around Kira, half the time it feels like the only thing keeping Odo from betraying everyone on the station is his boner for Kira. He went from being a grouchy yet principled character to an emo simp.
>>218062063
>>218062063and thats why VOY is the best
>>218062063This is just because Neelix wasn't truly dead. He was just physically dead.
>>218062750Somebody could have explained that to him so he could maintain his belief in Talaxian heaven, but nobody bothered and he ended the episode bereft of all faith and miserable for it.
>>218062808i really like the part where chakotay lets him put naomi to bed 30 seconds after he tried to kill himself
>>218059004Apart what you stole from me, idiotic post.
>>218057604I would like to get groomed by Janeway.
>>218062838How do you steal from Anonymous?
>>218057604im a loser so janeway is my only option, kirk and picard would actually expect something from me, sisko would probably airlock me for being so useless, and porthos's feeder i would go AWOL because fuck that boatjaneway i could coast in astrometrics just mapping random sectors, no one would care
>>218057604For me, it's Picard and the Enterprise-D.
>>218063133>sisko would probably airlock me for being so useless,He'd be like those Japanese bosses who put you an empty room all day because they have a stigma against termination.
>>218063279Picard's big D
>>218063360>Holodeck, create a bottomless void, and then teleport Ensign Loser inside of it. Let him fall for 24 hours. Then, teleport him to his quarters after you have teleported all of his belongings into space.
>>218057604I'm already a loser who spends most of his day studying math, put me in Voyager's asscrack and hand me a PADD once or twice a day and I'll be perfectly fine.
>>218057206Lore was based for helping the crystalline entity kill all the colonists.
>>218057604None. I would serve under Quark as a dabo girl.
stek fans also watch little einsteins?
>>218064373What if Vic Fontaine was gay and mexican and his name was Spic Fagtain
>>218064350Lore's backstory is so funny>Oops my robot son keeps killing people for no reason. Better make the next one autistic as a safeguard>There's no way this will backfire in 35 years
>>218060682>I’m guilty, OK! But not of what you think. Of something much worse…
>>218064721Hahahahaha nice dude.
For something to be reborn, first it must die.
>>218064796Was there a single good Admiral apart from Ross?
>>218064832pure zest
>>218064734You needed Data to have a brother who was a deviant. Most relational data is denormalized
>>218064832Forrest
>>218064832
>>218064906It was Brent Spiner's idea because he wanted to do more than play an emotionless tin can day after day.
>>218064721>What if Vic Fontaine was gay and mexican and his name was Spic Fagtainwhat if he were a gay taylor and cardassian and his name was
Finished rewatching TNG and immediately started Voyager, as one naturally would. So far the whole Maquis/Starfleet divide felt kind of pointless. Chakotay immediately starts acting like a Starfleet officer and B'elanna needed like one episode of character growth to become one.
>>218065066BSG and SGU did it better. Berman was too conservative
I don't like any of the characters in Voyager and I can't watch the show because I don't give a fuck if anyone lives or dies.
Holodecks can't replicate antimatter, so you would still need a warp core and nacelles. But do you really need a huge saucer section? Why not just a holodeck that can hold your hundreds of crewmen in a smaller finite space
>>218065156This is almost me but I actively want multiple characters to die.
>>218064983Data was way more expressive in season 1, quark chungus I dare say. Wonder whose idea was to tone it down
>>218065236I think they were just riding the high of everything being new and novel, and the idea of having data constantly go>erm I am a ROBOT, I do not understand!was just too tempting. By s3 I think the writers just got it out of their system
What is required viewing before posting?
>>218065066Voyager is a lot more enjoyable if you ignore the divided crew + lost in space gimmicks and just pretend it's a random crew on a 5-10 year voyage into the edge of charted space that got extended by a few extra years.
>>218065342TNG, DS9, and my feet pics.
>>2180653421 episode of TNG in full. That way you can decide if you want to try more or if you just want to shit on people who like talking /trek/
>>218065523>just ignore the premise of the show bruv
>>218065543Well yeah, the show forgets its own premise more often than not
>>218065538That's a very low bar. At minimum you should have swatched 1 season of either TNG or DS9.
>>218065535>and my feet pics.no guro outside of /b/
Tag yourself
>>218065179>Holodecks can't replicate antimatter,Why not? You can convert energy to matter, you can also convert it to antimatter, just spin and charge it the other way.
>>218065656I'm not ok with anons sexualizing bf.
>>218065695Especially because retarded people can't consent to sex
>>218065683poopy action figures for a poopy movie
>>218065729They're called minis.
>>218065722Yes but bestiality is technically legal in many localities.
>>218065338He made a lot of deadpan quips in s1. Felt like a sillier Spock. I remember one episode he turned to the ensign manning navigation and said something like >oof, glad that ain’t meunder his breathe
>>218065722It’s a grey area as far as i can tell from all the Law and Order episodes I’ve watched where retards get raped/pregnant. They’re like minors in that respect. Sure some can consent but the probability is such that society makes it illegal rather than devoting the resources to sus things out case by case
>>218065890Would it be legal to fuck a Pakled?
Just make the entire crew androids?
>>218065844Data was the closest thing they had to comic relief because of Brent's natural timing.
> Query, pulling my leg?
>>218065948He was also splendid as Bob Wheeler on Night Court.
Some things never change.
>>218065342TJ Hooker and Tekwar
>>218066047
>>218065342>>218066056skip spenser for hire but know that avery brooks was a bad motherfucker
>tired troll postsget new material
>Computer, replicate me one boxset of the 2005 ADV Platinum Edition of Neon Genesis Evangelion on DVD.
>>218065948Riker and Brent should have traded roles but whatever hindsight is 20/20
/trek/ is in turmoil but what can we do?
>>218065342TNG (at least 10 viewings of the series in completion, no episode skipping)DS9 (10x+)VOY (10x+)ENT (2x)And most importantly, you can't even call yourself a fucking Star Trek fan if you haven't seen TOS at least 20 times.
>>218066157A fat android wouldn't make sense.
>>218066175That's a bit too strict.
>>218066136
>>218066265I didn't make the rules, pal. Write your Congressman.
I'll ask again. Do androids piss and shit? They have to excrete waste somehow.
>>218066291Is this a more philosophical version of “do androids dream of electric sheep”?
>>218066309Well, Data fucked Tasha, so he has a penis.
>>218066337Androids have a cloaca
Was it implied that Barclay did illegal stuff on the holodeck?
How much coke will the computer let you replicate?
>>218066472Probably not illegal but I would say it’s implied he did more than just what was shown and it probably crossed the HR line of appropriateness by a long shot
>>218057604I respect Picard, but Kirk is the better captain, Kirk has the passion of command and strength and certainty of leadership that Picard lacks. I'll serve under Captain Kirk.
>>218066546As for the ship of choice, It's the Galaxy Class for me. Can you imagine a Galaxy Class Captained by James T. Kirk? It'd be an amazing combination.
Who is the Epstein of Star Trek? My vote goes to Dukat. He trafficked Bajoran comfort women.
>>218066192The excuse would be that his stomach is also "fully functional." That he would gain weight to br more human.
>>218057701Jesus! How much is he worth?
>>218066269I hate to be all "Star Trek was always woke!" but they did include a scene where Picard tells the audience a black woman was the youngest Captain in Starfleet history.>>218066291Data confirmed he has pores so I imagine he secretes waste like our sweat glands
*SNIIIIIFFFFFFF*
>>218066143>error: my model cannot replicate copywrited materials. Please refrain from prompts that may violate legal restrictions as was stipulated in this program’s terms of service. You have been warned.
>>218066472Wesley was underage and part of his sex fantasy program.
>>218066679Neelix
>>218066944> a black woman was the youngest Captain in Starfleet historyNot even remotely true
>>218059611I find it funny that all they did to make cockself-assured Odo was dial back the makeup and let suave theater chad Rene Aujus shine through a bit.
>>218066993>crewman in the corner with a holorecorder recording every friendship moment between Kirk and Spock while panting
>>218067188The office really buckbroke white people huh
>>218066175What about DISC and SNW? Where we at with those my Bro?
>>218067203The ship already records everything, the rumor club just has to put together all their credits to bribe security for access. You just know the data cards they are sharing between themselves are obscene edits.
>>218067188I still fail to see how this is any more ludicrous than Captain Proton or 007 Julian Bashir.
>>218064350>Serves the Crystalline Entity.>Takes over The Borg.Why didn't Lore and his new Borg friends seek out the Crystalline Entity and join their forces together? Or...did it already die prior to Lore finding The Borg?
>>218067092Fill my heart with songAnd let me sing for ever moreYou are all I long forAll I worship and adoreIn other words: please, be trueIn other words: I love you
>>218067477Because unlike those things it is unfunny, uncreative, and fucking sucks.
>>218067488Yeah it dies in season 5 and the Lore-Borg 2-parter is season 6's finale/7's premiere. I was shocked to realize thise on my recent rewatch. I could've sworn Silicon Avatar was season 7 since Data having the logs of all the dead colonists fits the general mold of "never before mentioned relative" that S7 loved.
>>218067567Aw, that sucks. They should have just had all of them in the two-parter.
>>218067477The way it’s filmed. It’s breaking the 4th wall. It’s a YouTube reaction video, not a scene.
Hahahaha Klingons rapping lol we are so smart *wink wink* remember Buffy?
>>218067647>Remember Buffy.I remember Cordelia getting pregnant with a demon...or was that in the spinoff, Angel?
>>218067647>see color /with/ musicThat’s not synesthesia that’s normal. I wish we were like the Chinese and didn’t glorify being mentally ill
>>218067687Synesthesia is one of those ‘gifts’ that you can’t prove or test for. So anyone can make up having it for attention.
Is Jadzia a Tomelder?
Why is janeway likeable? Is it her shrill nasally voice that makes her sound like she is an android being piloted by an alien? Is it the fact that she looks like she enjoys the company of men?
>>218068073She isn't. She is as boring and milquetoast as the rest of the Voyager cast. Fucking space Hillary Clinton.
>>218068113Nah Paris is pretty.
>>218067966I mean you can experience it yourself if you want by getting high on various substances. It’s definitely not something people just “have” like astigmatism or some shit lol
Dubs.
>>218068016>mommy energydo zoomers just give this title to anyone that doesn’t float through life in a constant state of Realistic Panic Attack depictions?
>>>/wsg/6095539
>>218068221Zoomers have a weird view of motherhood since they were raised by grandparents, technology and daycare workers.
>>218068016jadiza is a filthy whore
>>>/g/108184102what's this about lads?
>>218057206I'm noticing a weirdly high amount of Star Trek activity these days. Not just on /tv/ either, I'm seeing it come up on other boards too.I guess there's just a renewal in interest because of how shit Starfleet Academy is. All of a sudden lots of zoomers are watching TNG and DS9. Probably because they're being told to by TikToq or something, but I'll take it.
Anyone tried the new game?How is it?
>>218068562A lot of Zillennials have 2 fat friends named Mike and Rich who recently recommended DS9 to them.
>>218068227Topkek
>>218065342Everything, I'm dead fucking seriously
>>218068562I hope advertisers catch on to zoomers and gen a’s love of aesthetics after years of dysgenic consumption and they start making comfy old trek with old cameras and effects. I imagine AI shortform will win out however
>>218068719You are very identifiable, oldcamera anon. Very specific autism. They don't NEED to shoot on an old ass panasonic 90s camera you know
>>218068221It pretty much just means a confident woman at this point.
>>218068770no idea who you speak of but I hate digital film as it has directly correlated to the decline in my enjoyment of many long running shows that switched up around 2000
>>218065342>What is required viewing before posting?I'd say AT LEAST two pre-ENT showsTNG and DS9 are usually the most recommended shows
>>218068819This is like the eighth time you have claimed they need to use "old cameras" to bring back a vibe that zoomers are looking for. I used to be like this. Stone-cold film only purist. Movies like the Star Wars prequels represented a bastardization, and only filming on physical film and only doing practical effects meant a beautiful look and pure aura. But it's more complicated than that, I have found.
>>218065538Alright, which TNG episode do I force myself to watch if I'm a TOS fan? In my heart, I want to skip to DS9.
>>218068854I hardly ever post on 4chan anymore i think youve confused me with someone else
>>218068856Literally S1E1 of TNG, go from there. The entire first season of TNG is wannabe revival of TOS.Are you just taking the mick? I have literally never heard of someone who was only seen TOS and never TNG - what are you like 70 years old?
>>218068073janeway fucks on the first date
>>218068847What's wring with ENT?
>>218068856power play s5e15
>>218068856>I want to skip to DS9Nigga, TNG is just too important when it comes to Trek culture. If you skip it you won't understand half of the shitposting in here
>>218068892No, I'm a new fan. I liked TOS and I've had a friend recommend DS9 to me which is why I want to skip to it.
>>218065342~10 years ago I started posting on /trek/ after having only watched TOS and TNG, and I kinda regret it because I had a few major character moments from DS9 spoiled (namely the trajectory of Jake and Nog's arcs).
I wish I liked TOS at all.
>>218068073She is respectable and fearsome. That is more important.
>>218068983your friend is a gay and he wants to gay with you
>>218068920>What's wring with ENT?You should immediately tell when the opening startshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yijcWsLda8Only worth watching if you like bolt-ons
>>218069068The opening brings tears to my eyes unironically. It inspires me
>>218068983TNG is required for enjoying DS9 properly, you won't know or care about things like Wolf 359 or who Worf is.
>>218069068You’re brown or gay or have undergone a lobotomy, possibly all three
