I'm unsure. The best one might be able to do is suppress it. I believe the only cope besides substance abuse is just pretending it never happened, pretending it was a dream, etc. Depending on one's inner strength, that may not be a hard thing to do. But, what usually ends up ruining it is being face with how abnormal your formative experiences were as you socialize with others from normal backgrounds. You live life with two personalities, one you LARP with, and the other you lock away. Neither are truly yours completely.
>>218613402just dust yourself off and get over it, bro. it's literally that simple.
>>218613449I don't think it is. I think one can pretend it is, but that pretending is just a means of coping.
Only if you are an honest person can you overcome it. If you aren't then you are just going to be lying to yourself and those around you.
>>218613402I barely remember events in my childhood and from what I do remember they have no emotional connotations. Just get over it like that anon said
>>218613402it's like asking if you can get over losing an armyou can live a great fulfilling life and find happiness and success and have a family and everything, but you're still missing an arm
>>218613547Perhaps. But in order to obtain a certain status and position in society, one will likely need to fake normalcy. Otherwise, one is left associating and aligning with the dregs of society. From an honest perspective, that is truly where one belongs. However, human nature is so defiant against determinism, even though it rightfully places people where they are meant to be.
>>218613690yeah but you also probably didn't get raped
Trauma is subjective. What traumatizes one person is just another thing to someone else. Whether or not you can get over something that traumatized you is a you thing, but the best way to try is just to be honest with yourself about it and realize that everyone is acting out of partial ignorance and chance. Nobody asked to be born and nobody knows how we are here or what is really going on so nobody is 100% to blame for anything. You may have played a role in something that someone else found traumatizing or you may in the future if you haven't already. All we can do for now is forgive each other and ourselves and try to make life better.
>>218613789There was some pyschologist or something that proved the best way to get over rape was not to care about it at all in either the 90s or the 00s with some big study and I remember people got so assblasted about it it basically ruined his career.Maybe some other anon knows what I’m talking about, my memory is fuzzy
>>218613764I wouldn't compare it exactly to that. Losing an arm is transparent. Everyone you meet knows you lost an arm upon meeting them. Whereas a trouble backstory requires confessing. One usually has to come up with a fake one just to maintain a level of sociability to get a head and/or experience some form of human connection.
>>218613494it is. your internal ideations are yours. if one is "coping" then they want to. i am not saying "try to get over it," i'm saying to just get over it. strip it of external biases and contributions, other people don't get to dictate your processing of trauma. acknowledge the reality of it and throw it away if it serves no use to you. present-day you is only as attached to an adverse event of the past as you want to be.
>>218613895I remember talking to this one girl who had a teacher who made her suck his dick -not violently as I understood- and she said she didn't really understand what was going on, but the real trauma came from the horde of people telling her how horrible and traumatic it was, constantly asking her about it etcThinking about it, it's quite similar to the rap-american word, what really hurts you is how much importance you put on it
>>218613989>present-day you is only as attached to an adverse event of the past as you want to be.That would be pretending it never happened. I don't think you can get over it. I think you just have to suppress it.
>>218613900you're an idiot
>>218614107How so?
>>218614107alri billy one arm
My dad beat my mom on the eve of Christmas when he went ballistic over some preparations for tomorrow's family reunion. Me as a fucking pussy ran up to my room and hid while he wailed on my mom. On Christmas Day, mom and dad were all smiles greeeting everybody for the reunion. Mom just hid her bruises by wearing thick makeup and long sleeves. I know everyone knew that my dad beats up my mom but no one dare speak up for it. I fucking hate Chrismas. I fucking hate it all. It repulses me.
>>218614054nothing i said advocates for deluding oneself, it's quite the opposite.>I don't think you can get over it.why?>I think you just have to suppress it.why? it's the reason why i said someone has to strip the process of external contributions. you're under the impression that the processing of trauma is some codified checklist that must be completed before you get a piece of paper in the mail that says you've successfully overcome your trauma. as long as you subscribe to that idea then you've trapped yourself into a formless, completely ambiguous criteria before you can achieve a result you don't believe can be achieved because that's what you've been told is the right thing to believe. all the while, even the professionals are just throwing shit at a wall. the only place an individual is truly powerful is within their mind, you have supreme authority there and nowhere else.
>>218614357Tell this anon how he can enjoy Christmas without suppressing his experience:>>218614345
>>218614357Tell this anon what he should say to a girlfriend who asks him what his favorite thing about Christmas is and what his favorite childhood memory about Christmas is without suppressing this experience or coming up with a lie:>>218614345
>>218614440i'm sure his dad beat on mom outside of holidays too. it happening during the holidays has no bearing on anything. enjoy an eggnog and gift yourself a membership to an mma gym.
>>218613989What if it creates automatic responses in certain situations now? Like panic.
>>218614440By seeing his parents as people and moving on. You don't have to like what happened but you can choose to not let it make your choices for you. At the end of the day there is no method that can make it so you never suffer over bad memories ever again guaranteed but by feeling entitled to your resentment you just make that resentment a stronger driving factor against your own will and if you let it keep going forever then you'll just end up fucking up other people the same way you were fucked up. Learning how to move on without turning other people's flaws into your personality is part of being an adult. Imagine if you did not have the conveniences we have today and you literally had no choice but to either move on or die. You're lucky enough to have time and leeway to work out your issues but you do need to work them out.
>>218614703Then you talk it through with someone who can help you identify why you panic in more precise terms and you work on it over time. People can be desensitized to some pretty wild stuff so trust me when I say your childhood trauma is no exception. In fact most people who panic like that when reminded of something traumatic usually do so largely because they try so hard to avoid thinking about it and that avoidance builds an expectation that makes confrontation seems worse than it needs to be.
>>218614722Suppression and lying about it is all one can do. The only other option is indulgence. One never can get over it. Or at least, you and others ITT have failed to prove that.
>>218614855You're incorrect but you keep saying these things as if you've already made up your mind. You aren't here looking for advice you're here looking for someone to agree with you that there's no hope. I'm sorry to tell you that being traumatized does not remove responsibility from your life, and you do have a responsibility to move on. It sucks but you'll feel better with genuine effort and time. But do not go around trying to tell people they can never get over a bad thing that's happened to them just because you're afraid. That would be an example of irresponsibility.
>>218614722i fucking hate the fakeness of Christmas. The fact that my mom and dad were all smiles welcoming guests / laughing at them as if nothing happened repulses me. That fakeness that plasticness, I fucking hate it.
>>218614994Not at all. Respond to this with a strategy that doesn't break the two rules of suppressing and lying:>>218614642Honesty means indulging. You can either suppress, lie, or indulge. But, you carry it with you regardless.
>>218615025That's fine. You don't have to love Christmas just because other people do. Plenty of people aren't into Christmas despite having no particular traumatic Christmas memories.
>>218615068what in the world is your definition of successfully processing trauma? to be able to retroactively strip all negative consequences of it from your life? selective amnesia on-demand? the goal is to accept that it has happened, that it has impacted you, and to leave it behind so as not to impact you further.
>>218615068I already did way up in a post you didn't reply to.>>218613890 The problem though is that you're the one claiming that nobody can get over trauma but you're expecting other people to disprove you despite the fact that anything anyone says you can just respond by accusing them of lying or suppressing their emotions because emotions aren't physical tangible things we can measure. I can essentially prove you wrong though just by pointing out the fact that you don't feel exactly the same way every time you think about your own trauma. Even if it's similar feelings it's never exactly the same, which proves that you can feel different things about it. So there's no reason to automatically assume that difference in your feelings toward the issue couldn't grow or change over time or through purposeful effort. I cannot give you a single strategy for getting over anything because it doesn't work that way. People internalize things differently and different methods are needed to help people come to terms with their issues.If you're really interested in this topic though then you should just do some reading into actual psychological studies.
>>218615443No. You didn't. You have not mentioned how that anon should respond to a girlfriend asking those questions without breaking those rules.
>>218615443Suppressing and lying are the only path forward besides indulging. This is especially true if one wishes to rise above their lot in life, like Don Draper. Suppressing to keep your own mind off of it. Lying to gain social status.
>>218615693That guy never said anything about how to respond to his girlfriend. That's just some shit you said while trying to sound self righteous. People have given you many answers though despite your shitty attitude so I don't know what else to tell you. You're being a pussy though and it's only going to get worse as long as you keep thinking the way you are. I don't know you so I'll forget about this conversation in an hour, but you gotta work your shit out before life works it out for you. Time to grow up, son.
>>218613402We all carry scars of having been made to live in an indifferent world. How deeply they effect you really depends on the wounds and how you cope. If you were beaten or diddled that fuckin sucks bro sorry for you but like anon said >>218613449 coming through with the FPBP. OP can let it hurt forever or just try not to think about it like we all have to with varying degrees of success.
>>218615974I'm simply asking how that anon should respond to a girlfriend in that scenario. I'm now also simply saying that he should suppress and lie to her.
