The reviews are in!
Maybe he went to see the wrong film
>>219178138He's going to need some Epsom salt for those pen wounds.
These out of touch boomer fucks just don't understand our millennial youth culture
>>219178138It will make a billion anyway. The first one was annoying dogshit too.
>>219178138HURRY AND MAKE A THREAD FOR EACH ONE
>>219178138I think this guy is overreacting a bit.
>>219178204Looks like the final boss in a racing anime. King of the Brazilian Mountain.
>>219178138I won't see the movie, but critics are just reddit mods with gayer jobs. Total critic death.
>>219178472I give this post a 4/5.
>>219178204curse the next person who posts this douche
>>219178138people who don't have kids don't understand that its an hour and a half of not having to listen to their shit. park them in front of it and enter the NapZone
could get a great kermode rant out of it. >>219178204film was made for pic-related.
>>219178204kek
>>219178184What was he watching instead?
>>219178138Cant wait for the eceleb trash to come from this!
>>219178138This is by the same studio that makes the fucking minions movies. No shit is trash
>>219178138I watched the Super Mario movie and it was legit painful. Like holy shit I can't believe that garbage made as much as it did.
Everything I saw from the first one looked unbearable, the only surprise here is the honesty.
jeez, relax dude
>>219178138>offensiveoh no movies can have killers murdering countless innocents but god forbid something non-pc sneaks in
Sheeeeeeeeeeesh.
>>219178848Bing Bing wahoo virgins stay losing
>>219178848Sonic won. SONIC WON.SONIC SISSIES WE BEAT MARIO AT SOMETHING!!!!
they should have put in a scene where yoshi is barefoot. it would have neen funny haha
These are film critics. They’re mad at their boss that they had to review this and they’re mad at the film because it’s not pretentious ari aster slop
What's so bad about it?
It's kino
>>219178848now I'm really curious
>>219179718I haven’t thought of yoshi haha memes in forever. Thanks for the kek.
>>219179794It's another 90 minute TikTok that we all thought it would be.
>>219178138
>>219178204>These out of touch boomer fucks just don't understand our millennial youth culture
This guy rates every kids movie and gives them all 0 unless they're pixar films about being gay or race mixing, then he gives them a 2
>>219180099Based
>>219178565I don't like how the AI is offering me information about this dude.
>>219178848>>219180099>The guardian
>>219178138>>219178848>>219180099Looks like all critics are hating on it
The brits specifically seem offended by this movie for some reason.
>>219178138How could It really be worse than the first one ? (which wasn't even that bad)
>>219180246Britons hate color. Or colour as they call it. Look at the new Harry Potter trailer.
>>219180243Tendies cheque finally bounced.
>>219180243
>>219180243Why don't Critics care about Mushroom people? Or Shroomers as I call them.
>>219180360>Literal Save Me Niggerman tier review
>>219180360what a fucking cringelord.
you gays are only posting the bad reviews fuck you all
>>219180500The "good" reviews are 6/10 ratings from vidya outlets lol
>>219178138Im not even a fan of super mario or the movie but i genuinely thought this was another guaranteed success. What actually went wrong? Was there too much girlboss now with brie/rosalina?
>>219180710I mean it probably will still be a success financially
>>219180710It will be a success. The core audience is small children who don’t give a fuck about reviews.
>>219178138>a boomer goes to see a movie made for gen alpha>doesn't like the movie>news at 11The fact that a boomer and their millennial adult children don't like the movie is widely regarded as a good thing, and it is. Super Mario Galaxy is made for kids ages six through twelve. Boomers and boomer-millennials aren't meant to like it, and no one cares if you do or not.
>>219178138Must be a shocking for nintentoddlers when a industry doesnt have a automatic nintendo bonus and the crap gets rated honestly.
>>219180710The first mario movie got similar reviews. People aren't reading newspapers to see if the movie they're taking their kids to are good or not, they already know it's going to be a shitty kids flick
>>219178204I have never seen such a young man!
>>219178494Oh brother, everybody’s a critic!
>>219180103Wowww what a transformation!
>>219178917Sonic can't do a billie in box office.
>>219180710it is a guaranteed success.. you dont get just how low the standards of the nintendo fans are
>>219180775This. I mean, the first one was pretty fucking terrible for me as a grown man. But it was clearly for kids...
>>219180243Updated
is the cat suit back, the only good part of the first movie?
>>219178138Ngl if it was mediocre I wouldn't care but now I want to watch the trainwreck
>>219181656It probably is more mediocre than they're letting on. It's just mediocre in a way that's offensive. The first movie felt like one of those Lego Star Wars, or Lego Marvel type movies. Cheap slop meant to directly go to streaming, that's just there to sell toys, but with more budget.
>>219178204who is that child?
>>219178204fuck off pedo
>>219180103>38Yeah fucking right. If she's 38 then this is a visual example of why you shouldn't fuck with alcohol after your 20s.
>first movie is absolute garbage>People are shocked that the second one is even worse>t. nintenchadThe Zelda movie MIGHT be good but it's a Saban project so it's probably going to be garbage too.
>>219178138It's slop that's going to make a billion dollars. Anyone who is surprised about this is dumb as fuck.
>>219178565>could get a great kermode rant out of it.Lost some respect for this guy when his Elio review was just "yeah its fine, whatever"
>>219180103She would look bad for 48
>>219178204why are you posting some random gen alpha kid
I'm still seeing it, you lost.
>>219179794Breakneck pace running between meaningless disconnected scenes
>>219180710They doubled down on Peach as a girlboss, but then went and made Rosalina a damsel lmao, even though it's supposed to be the reverse.
>>219180103I've never seen a young lady so youthful!
I love how in /tv/ one moment the critic score is irrelevant bullshit that doesnt matter, and in the next it's basically sacred truth from the kino gods
>>219180710I've only ever heard the first movie was absolute garbage. Is the new one even that different?
>>219180103>”after” looks markedly worse Fucking kek. Also yeah that is not a 38 year old.
>>219180360Great my weekend is ruined. Back to tubi and cold case files
Not that the last movie was great and I believe this one could be bad but seriously it’s so odd how the reviewers hate it so much. Mario is a boomer ass franchise, this stuff shouldn’t be so alien to them like the reviews suggest
>>219182865Why isn't she kicking a soccer ball or prancing in the rain?
>>219182823No fucking way with Rosalina... I dont believe you.... Strong independent brie bros.....
>>219178565Looks like every one of the dorks from my high school lunch table. Miss those days brehs
How many jeets did they use to create the animation?
>>219178848The Mario movies and the Minecraft movies are end-stage Hollywood. They've perfected the slop formula >Constant non-stop fast pace for ADHD zoomers>IP-driven adaptations of existing works>Design-by-committee blockbuster spectacles with copious CGI>Witty humor, frequent quipping, meme moments that can be spammed on social media like "Chicken jockey" and Bowser singing a song>Meme songs and short music cues in general that can go viral >Most of the camera shots are centered so clips can easily be cropped for TikTok, Instagram Reels and YouTube shorts >Total paucity of plot and emotion, just references to the source material with comedic winking to the audience >Brisk 90 minute run time
>>219184086Yeah we’ve officially hit the point where movies are literally conceived and made to be half-watched while the viewer is scrolling Reels
>>219178204>millennialBut you just posted a gen alpha.
>>219180103>38 Holy shit. That is a HARD 38, if true. More like 58. Lmao
>>219179794Bree Larson
WAS MUFASA ACTUALLY KINO?
>>219178138>Movie made for children is aimed towards children Wowzers
>>219185032oh this faggot is a paid disney shill that was angry at sonic the hedgehog 3
>>219178138>"Professional critic" reviews are now valid
>>219178204That's the youngest man I've ever seen
>>219178848Must be amazing.
>>219180103>38She looks like she's in her 50s
>>219185427It's called a gambling addiction.
Honestly, good.I hate Illumination. Everything they make is garbage. Awful animation, awful lazy celebrity voice acting, awful scripts.
>>219180103She was 38 at one point many decades ago.
>>219185692Sing is a decent movie
>>219178597
>>219178138This snippet sez nothing about the movie. Be specific.
>>219185487>gram gram NOoOOOOoooooo
>>219178917i dont think mario has beat sonic at something since odyssey dropped in 2017
>>219182479My girlfriend is 46 and that could be that chick's daughter.
>>219178204He's pretending to be a zoomer, though;
>>219187372
>>219187372i can't watch thisunless she's hot, dying in a couple hours, and trying to afford the most expensive gigolo in the state
>>219178565A guy I was friends with lost his hair in high school. Must have sucked.
>>219180103average zoomer female this year now that thye are turning 30
>>219178204here is another example of pavlov's dog posting
>>219181377Must be a non woke movie at least.
>>219184086TV, movies and videogames are just large scale tiktok reels. Always has been.
>hire b*** l***** >your movie flops
>>219178138Oh, this guy:His reviews are often contrary to critical consensus, with an analysis of all his film reviews from 2020 to 2025 as collated by Rotten Tomatoes showing the average score of films given 0/5 by Maher being 83%.Billy guaranteed.
>>219185385This. Jews hate because Chris Pratt is Christian and Mario has a strong family dynamic.
Why are these chud critics review bombing this fun film? It's not even for them
>>219178138Kino confirmed
>>219178138What a joyless douche this guy must be.
>>219189354The Mario vs. Bowser fart battle was the worst thing I've ever seen in a film.
>>219178204millennial? Looks more like zoomer or alpha to me
All the negative reviews are Disney shills seething that Pokemon and Mario are taking kids and most importantly young boy attention away from emasculating Jewish Disney slop.
>>219189330More that it entirely circumvents their control of media. Same way Taylor Swift's concert movie did.
>>219180103why do women take years off their age instead of adding them? are they mentally challenged?
I actually liked the first movie and was looking forward to the second one. What a shame.
>>219178138>>Last name MaherJewish. lol. What a surprise.
>>219178138This is the kind of a movie that will do well no matter the reviews.
>>219193510Well yeah. Nobody cares about the critical reception of a fucking Mario movie
>>219193510I bought my ticket. My wife and I are going right after workDon’t worry bros I got her pregnant already
Audience reviews lmao
>>219178138I never planned to see this movie because I'm not a child. But the nintendo derangement syndrome spreading to /tv/ is fucking hilarious lmao
>>219193443Maher is not a Jewish name, you dumb brownoid.
>>219193861>four reviews>one is from a guy who hasn't seen it yet>one from Jamal>one from "Ivan Z", no doubt a Russian agent
>>219187707>bragging about dating a hagLmao
>>219180103why the fuck do other 30 year olds look so fucking old and shitmaybe it's because i don't go out much so i don't get sun damage
>>219178848im just happy more gay yoshi porn will be made
>>219194023Literally look in the mirror at yourself in a sleeveless shirt. You wouldn't dare. She looks terrible but so does anyone else who's ready to talk shit and lives a sedentary lifestyle.
>>219194067i just did i look fine
>>219178138If the movie is for children children should be reviewing, not adults.
>>219178138Sorry chuds, Reddit loves it
>>219194340>will not open in Japan until the end of AprilI didn't realize major movies still did this
>>219194126Sure you do bitch tits lmao
>>219178204stop posting this 10 year old you fucking creep.
>>219178186>maher>film criticLet him bleeed
>>219178565What do you do in Tyler's shoes? The whole world is laughing at you because your mom made you do some retarded glamour shots.
>>219194504I'm sorry you are ugly anon but you don't need to project your insecurity's on others
>>219194799Become a manosphere streamer
>>219178138They said the exact same thing about the first one and then it went on to beat every record at the time. It even buck broke spiderblack-verse lmao
>>219194909You're a grown man with that image saved talking shit about people you don't know. You are absolutely ugly.
>>219180360kek
>>219193861They saw those reviews and sent in the Nintendrones
>>219195049what do you think about this image
Ye
>Critics rightfully shitting on a rightfully fucking laughably fuck-awful movie and deservedly soThis is fucking it. We're watching the death of Shuntaro "Eurofaggot Pokefaggot kike puppet" Furukawa's "career" as "CEO" when the kikes are in fucking charge and treating Furukawa as a puppet lmao.
>>219196402All that Nintendo cares about is that it’ll make a shitload of money and it will
>>219195206not that faggot you replied to but this image is cool, can i save it?
>>219199799>All that the kikes that are really in control of Nintendo cares about is that it’ll make a shitload of moneyFTFY
>>219193861>I love this movie so much it is cinema>I look foward to see movie soon
>>219196402They shat on the first one as well and it didn't flop.No one cares about reviewers.
>>219178204Holy crap Lois it’s Leon from Biohazard
>>219199819it's all yours, my friend :)
>>219178204>millennial youth culturewhy post a gen-alpha?
>>219199890Lah mao.Reviewers are based.NPC fagaloons are fucking not. Sob more about it, faggot.
>>219199890everyone knows this one wont flop either because nintentoddlers have no standards they think mario invented jumping, pokemon invented monster capture and zelda breath of the wild invented open world... they live in their own little delusional bubble regardless of reality.
>>219199920Yes, the biased Disneyfag is clearly a based reviewer.You really need a bullet, just like all reviewers.
>>219199900now thats badass
>>219199961Don't get me wrong, Disneyfags are bad.But you, I'd put that bullet in you instead, shitstick.
>>219178848Surely, if it's now allowed to say a man-made piece of media is worse than a.i, this is still neither the first nor likely anywhere near the worst.
>>219178565>"...so, boss, I've gone over the accounts and, frankly, it's not looking good.">"...listen, it'll be fine - I have to collect the kids from school but I'll call you back in... shall we say, an hour?This exact energy, he has a better shot than half the white posters (and all of the browns) on this board.
Is there something akin to a CHICKEN JOCKEY scene in this movie? I'm seeing this on Sunday with my wife and need to prepare accordingly.
>>219178204>>219178505why are people spamming this guy on every board?
>>219194799get on the juice, his hair is already fucked so shave that shit off and get buff
>>219178138>Yidsney pays off critics for movies meant for 8 year olds
>>219180348Hurts theirs eyes
>>219178138>>219178624Here are his top 5/5 picks
>>219184086It should unironically be a crime to make something so soulless. Something that truly embodies the word 'Hollow'; it is a psychic crime against every living soul that something so empty, so totally without light or heart could be made by other human beings. They must be held responsible.
>>219193861Audience Reviews are worse than critic reviews
>>219193861>peach and rosalina sistersmonarchy propaganda film
>>219180103Im 38 and I still have my twinkish good looks. She looks 50.
>>219178204It's astonishing it took this long to get proper Mario movies. I'm nearly 50 and had a Mario coloring book in 1st grade.
>>219203662it's probably a college vs no college thing that nobody wants to talk about.
>>219178204>tfw just got carded when trying to buy booze for my 33rd birthdayI've never seen such a relatable man.
>>219193194The what now?
>>219193861tendiebots
>>219180243>CriticsFuck 'em, the middle-aged farts. If kids like it then it's a success.
>>219204374Its going to make more than Hoppers in like 5 days.
>>219185836
>>219179794They’re hating on it because Chris Pratt is still voicing Mario. And they hate him because he’s a practicing Christian, and that he once attended a church known for its anti-faggotary. So all the faggot critics hate him in everything now, because they’re all redditors first and foremost.
ok but what does Donglover sound like as Yoshi?
Okay I just came out of watching it. The critics werent joking this time, this movie is legitimately garbage and I usually enjoy lame animated movies too.
holy shit an IGN 6 it's literally a zero on honest sites
>>219205045Was the first movie just lightening in a bottle?
>it's worse than thunderbolts
>>219205116The first movie at least followed a hero's journey, it had Brooklyn, Mario and Luigi finding their way, training and then coming back to new york. The sequel just throws you into the middle with 90 minutes of references to mario games without any real character development, plot or anything of substance at all, it just keeps blasting you with REMEMBER THIS? HOW ABOUT THIS? REMEMBER THIS?? until the movie ends.
Was the Google Drive cam rip real or April fools
>>219178138sony biased media seething again
>>219205402Is it on any of the usual suspects?
>>219178204I bet this kid can skip til the cows come home!
>>219178138Film critic intellectuals are a bunch of gaywads
>>219180710>but i genuinely thought this was another guaranteed successIt is, film critic intellectuals are a bunch of gaywads and nobody listens to them. These fans don't consider cartoons "real movies" even though they require more work and creativity than a faggy drama that's just two people sit in a room and nothing fucking happens
>in response to the ongoing critical failures of the Mario movies, Illumination does a hard pivot with the Donkey Kong movie>instead of a wacky Seth Rogan comedy, the movie now deals with the trauma placed on DK by Cranky Kong, and how DK learns how to not pass that grief onto Diddy (who DK learns is liking “bananas” a bit too much)
>>219193861Tendies are worse than Biodrones. I fucking said it
>>219203560Most of these are defensible
>>219178565how a guy who went bald at top of head at 19he embraced it, shaved his head bald and actually looked quite decent
>>219180103dont get fatshe literally has 0 wrinkles around eyes or forehead, but her saggy skin still makes her look 50+
>>219205045Nice larp Sonic
They made a barrel roll joke. Ten stars.
>>219207066Is this the CHICKEN JOCKEY moment?
>>219207173Maybe if they'd leaned into it harder.
>>219205096>released for the Easter weekend>safe, uncontroversial fun>parents can take their kids to it with no qualms$1 Billion, easy.
