This SUMER, get ready fo the oldest joke in history.*Smash cut to ancient Mesopotamia. Dramatic drums. A title card slams down: “UR: CITY OF DREAMS.”**Immediately, a guy in a robe trips over a clay tablet and faceplants into mud.*Narrator (overly epic):In a world where civilization is being invented…*Cut to a scribe proudly holding up a tablet labeled “IMPORTANT LAW.”Narrator:…one city dares to ask...*Cut to a chaotic market in Ur. Someone slips on a fish. Another guy tries to carry a giant jar, immediately falls into a cart, which rolls downhill into a priest.*Narrator:...what if everything went horribly, hilariously wrong?*Cue frantic flute music.**A high priest of Enlil raises his arms dramatically, then gets bonked on the head by a falling brick.*Priest:THE GODS DEMAND—ow.*Fart sound effect**Cut to a farmer chasing a runaway sheep through a temple. The sheep crashes into a statue, which wobbles dangerously.*Narrator:From the creators of “writing things down”…*Cut to a man carving cuneiform. He sneezes, ruining the tablet*Narrator:…and “taxes”…*Tax collector slips on mud, coins scatter everywhere. Crowd dives in like it’s a feeding frenzy.*Narrator:…comes the epic tale of clumsiness, chaos, and clay.*Montage:>Two guys invent the wheel… it immediately rolls away without them.>A chariot spins out of control in slow motion.>Someone dramatically opens a door, which falls off its hinges.>A royal banquet where everyone keeps accidentally knocking over goblets.*Hero (covered in mud):I think I invented… falling down.Sidekick (also covered in mud):You’re very good at it.*Massive comedic pile-up as half the cast crashes into each other.*Narrator (whispering, intense):History… has never been this stupid.*Title card slams in: “SUMER: SLIP, TRIP, & EMPIRE.”*Narrator:Get ready for… civilization’s first faceplant. July 28.
>>219273508>post credits scene shows Abraham
>stan lee-esque cameo by irving finkelhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUxFzh8r384
>if we take every scarce pieces of surviving information about them and pretend it's a definitive, complete understanding of their existence, we can pretend to be le epic reddit historiansNah. Doesn't work that way =)
>>219273622i love this little nigga like you wouldn't believehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_fkpZSnz2I
>>219273508>Jack Black and Michael Cera are: Year.One.(2009).Axxo.720p-DVDrip.mp4
>it's dark in here, I'll open this one!
>>219273995>the bronze age collapse was caused by whiney karens mad at the quality of trade goods that spiralled out of controlI'd watch that film,
>>219273508>dog walks into frame>I'll open this on July 4th
>>219274694LOL!
>>219273508
>>219273508>Gilbert Gottfried voice: We have THREE DAYS to smith THREE HUNDRED copper ingots or the king is gonna kill us. Do you REALIZE how much dabdu we're in Nasir?
>>219273559>that's it! i'm moving outta here!
>>219273508Closing credit theme:https://youtu.be/DuzEZcMqKT4>I saw you take a stick>Jab it in a sheet of wax>Thinkin you could use the symbols there>To document the barley tax>Listen man, I understand>Everybody needs a hobby>Maybe you could take that stuff>Show it off to Hammurabi>With Enkiiiidu>I’m out here rulin in the sun>I got my ziggurat>Bronze armor on, baby>Cuneiform>Wisdom will be passed along>After the boys of ... Sumer have gone>Remember back in Uruk High>Co-captains of the wrestling team>Tag-teamin up on old Humbaba>Down in Nippur you could hear him scream>I might not comprehend every little godly whim>Thinkin maybe I could take a trip>Take it up with Utnapishtim>With Enkiiiiidu>I’m out here rulin in the sun>I got my beard crimped up>Vanquishing everyone>Cuneiform>Wisdom will be passed along>After the boys of ... Sumer have gone>Out on the plains today>I saw a Marduk tablet on a chariot>Little voice inside my head said>”What a cool cat, defeated Tiamat”>I dammed up all the Tigris>Honoring my bud>Or was that Euphrates?>I was a little drunk, but>With Enkiiiiidu>I’m out here rulin in the sun>I got my ziggurat>Bronze armor on, Nabu>Cuneiform>Wisdom will be passed along>After the boys of ... Sumer have gone>With Enkiiiidu>I’m out here rulin in the sun>We’re slayin Heaven’s own Bull>Spare ribs for everyone!>Cuneiform>Wisdom will be passed along>After the boys of ... Sumer have gone
>>219274694you a'ight good boy
>>219273508>pic-related: archeological proof of that Jason Momoa is an immortal
Kek
Quality thread. Thanks all of you for the laughs I had at work.
the reason that the film has no story or plot, just people falling over, is because it takes place before the epic of gilgamesh was written so the concept of narrative hasn't been invented yet.
>>219273508>This SUMER
>>219275824jej
>>219273508Sounds fun, I would watch it.Definitely better than any holywood slop from the last decades
>>219274694>this made mesopotoomers piss their pants with laughter
>>219273508Friendly reminder.
>>219280399goddamn other boards are pretentious
>>219273508I don't think Sumer had coinage.
>>219274694Top jij
>>219273508Just make a wolf of Wall Street move of this guy ripping people off with terrible copper
>>219280399>we have seen an entire generation refuse to take the Enkidu gambitLmao, we have seen an entire generation of gooners worse than ever before, it doesn't matter if you're single when you're still being tamed by porn daily.
