>Lard of the Rings: The Two Buffets
>Gondor calls for Rolaids
>The Two Blood Clots
>Gandalf the Fit? Gandalf the FAT!
>>219985548>The Return to the Dessert Bar>Fellowship of the Rotund
>>219985729kek >
>>219985548>The fellowship of the onion rings
>PO TAY TOES>Boil em, mash em, fry em in sneed oils
>is it salty? is it sweet?
>Not all those who eat are are hungry.
>the ring wraiths are just concerned dieticians trying to confiscate their junk food
>ISILDUR >CAST IN INTO THE FRYER
The remoulade of the king
>We've had eleven, yes. But what about twelfth breakfast?
>They were once fit
>>219985548>Speak Fries and enter
>>219986189>What's the African American word for food?>Melon
I now see why the Eagles didn't fly them to Mount Doom
Eat at a restaurant with meat back on the menu tonight.Get the Rohan stew.Have a large pint at 4 o’clock in a crowded Pony or Dragon-themed pub. Go on an adventure where you’ve never been.Listen to some elves whom you think may have nothing in common with you.Order the po-tay-toes. Eat salt pork. Have a lembas breakfast. Have two.Be open to a Middle-Earth where you may not understand or agree with the orcs next to you, but you steal mushrooms with them anyways.Eat cherry tomatoes sloppily.Tip your barmaid.Check in on your fellowship. Check in on yourself.Enjoy the ride to Gondor.
>Gondor has no salad>Gondor needs none
>>219986397The Eagles didn’t fly them because they got deep-fried and seasoned with Eru’s Secret Herbs and Spices.
>>219985548>after all why shouldn't I?>why shouldn't I eat it?
>>219985548>The buffet goes ever on
The Bacon of Amon Din is lit!
>Gandalf the thin? Yes, that's what they used to call me.
>>219986675>All-you-can-eat crab from Dunland!
>She's always hungry. She always needs to feed.
>You said this buffet would never run out while your chefs serviced it!
>The Mints of Moria>Dieter’s Bane, a Baklava. A dessert of the an ient world.
>Don't tempt me, Frodo!
>Truffles in the dsrk
>Pecantir Eating-Stones
>>219986994Then why am I laughing?Don't answer that. You know what? Fuck you.
>One does not simply walk into Mordor.
>never thought I would have a buffet with an Elf
> Fat ass behind, his belly ahead> The lardo lord needs to be fed> Tomato dripping, juuuices run> Fat Belly-thor eats like a bum> Soup and chicken> Pig and steak> All he ate> Aaaaall heee... ate.
>I am a snacker of the secret fire, wielder of the flambe of Arnor>Dark fire cannot avail you, bowl of Udon>Go back to the buffet>YOU SHALL NOT FAST
>>219987363>Bowl of UdonKek
>>219987142>what about an "all-you-can eat" with a friend?
>>219987031>One does not simply walkftfy
>Do not pity the hungry, harry; pity the full, and above all, those who filled up on water
I really appreciate every single post on this thread, thank you for making me laugh anons.
>>219987468You're right, that's funnier. I'm off my game.
>>219987449>Legolas! I've eaten two slices already!>Ha! I'm on seventeen!
>>219987449>ay, I could gorge to that
>I asked her for one of her cheese strings>she gave me three
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PkbO8ccWrak
>>219987548>that still only counts as ONE
>The weigh is shutIt was made by those who are fed, and the fed keep it
>>219987629ShadoughFat
>And nine. Nine wings were gifted to the race of men, who above all else desire chowder.
>Legolas, what do your elf eyes see?” >“The Uruks have turned northeast. They are taking the hobbits to Applebee's! [to Applebee's!]
>what is that?>>a Big Gulp.>they come in Big Gulps? I'm getting one
>>219987741Thread is gold
>>219987778What did you say?
> You have my knife> And my spoon> And my fork>...> And my plate
>>219987778> "Tell me where is Gandalf? For I much desire to eat with him"
>Long have I desired to look upon the feasts of old. My din-dins.
>>219987798You know these big boys ain't stealing veggies from their neighbors
>>219987741>>And nine. Nine onion rings were fried for the race of men, who above all else desire Lawry's powder.
>>219987741>And onto that one wing he poured all his sauces
>Mr. Fried Dough!>Hamwise!
> Come not between the Nazgûl and his food! Or he will not eat thee in thy turn. He will bear thee away to the houses of nutrition, beyond all darkness, where thy flesh shall be devoured, and thy shriveled mind be left naked to the Lidless Fry.
>Soon Master Elf, you will enjoy the fabled hospitality of the Dwarves. Roaring microwaves, light beer, ramen noodles right off the block!
>Can you cook, Master Hobbit?>Well... yes. At least, well enough for my own people. But we have no meals for great halls and... evil times.>And why should your cooking be unfit for my halls? Come, cook me a tomato
>I was there Gandalf. I was there 6 years ago. I was there when the strength of Men's shirt buttons and dining chairs failed.>I led Isildur into the heart of Mickey D's. Where the Fat was forged. The one place it could be destroyed.>Cast it into the fryer! Destroy it!>>Nom.
>>219985548Gandalf the Round
>A red sun rises, barbecue sauce has been spilled this night.
>Lord Denethor however is not the chef. He is a busboy only
>>219988152That was one of a kind sauce! They must pay
>Tell me again... where are we going?>To the Dr Nowzaradan's office, Bilbo. The elves have accorded you a high honor; a place on the last episode in "My 600-lb Life".>Any chance of me seeing that old onion ring again? Hmm? The one I gave you?>I'm sorry, uncle... I'm afraid I ate it.>Oh... pity. I should have liked to bite it one last time.
>>219988178GONDOR HAS NO CHEFGONDOR NEEDS NO CHEF
>>219988143>I was there when the appetites of men failed
>>219988143>>>Nom.kek
>>219985994Underrated
>>219985548>It began as you might expect.>In a hole.>Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole full of worms and oozy smells.>This was a Hobbit hole.>From Denny's.
>This is it.>>This is what?>If I wait one more minute, it’ll be the longest without eating I've ever gone.
>That road there... where does that lead?>It is the road to the Jollibee, the phillipine fast food joint.>None who venture there ever return. That place is evil.
>>219987629Shadowsnax!
>>219985548>And I served half as many of you half as much as you deserve
>Let the Lord of the Black Forest Cake come forth!
>They run as if their master's coupons are behind them!
>>219985729>Gandalf The Grey???>Gandalf The GRAVY !!!
>Four froYos
>>219988692>>219985729>Against the power of obesity there can be no victory. We must join with it, Gandalf. We must join with Ozempic. It would be wise, my friend.>>Tell me, friend, when did Saruman the Wise abandon exercise for pharmaceuticals? >I gave you the choice of losing weight easily, but you have elected the way of dieting!
>>219987629Giddy up, ShadowSnack!
I was there3000 years agoWhen the value menu was the dollar menu
>A chance for Captain Faramir to prove his girth
>I have hosted many dinner parties. I know how to stock my own larder!
>>219987942OMG>>219988506Kek>>219988143Lel
>>219989130lol
>>219985548>Looks like meat, coconut shrimp, fries, lasagne, tacos, stew, cheese, pies, soda, fried chicken, cookies, cake, fried rice, curry, donuts, eggs benedict, tamales, chow mein, hot dogs, burgers, pizza, and mashed potatoes is back on the menu, boys!
>dark have been my chocolates of late
>>219989218>Your leechcraft would have me eating hot pockets like a neet, Grima!>I've only ever served you the most nutritious food, my lord!
>>219985823Came here for this.
>>219985994Lmfao
>>219986702Kek. Best thread on /tv/.
>>219987525Glad to be of service!
>>219987741Holy fucking shit.
>one does not simply waddle into mordor
>>219986267best one in this thread
>tfw there's one donut left in the box and your friend starts to pick it up
>share the carb load
>>219988506>I’ve eaten less than half as much as I would like, and I like more than half of it half as much as I like dessert!
>The Build Your Own Hobbit Slam was dear to thee, I see
>>219988516Holy fucking shit.
>Enjoying the horse milk chowder, milord Aragorn?
>>219989748This is why I still come here.
>You must weigh at least 250 pounds?>...>300?>...>You cannot weigh 400!>487
>>219990346I’m fucking crying.
Best thread in years
>Nobody batters a dwart!
>Drool of a cook
>A day may come when the appetites of men fail....but it is not this buffet
>>219985548>The Return to the Burger King
>They have taken the Pizza Hut and the Subway. We have barred the gates but cannot hold them for long. The ground shakes... forks and spoons in the deep. We cannot get out. The stomach rumbles in the dark. We cannot get out. The lunch crowd is coming.
>What can men do against such reckless hunger?>Dine out with me
>I choose a double combo>You cannot give me this.>It is mine to give to whom I will. Like my fries.
>I asked for a single all-you-can-eat ticket at the Golden Corral>she gave me three
>I would've dined out with you>At Einstein Bros>At Captain D's >At Burger King
>>219990404lol
>You're late.>An Uber Eats is never late, Frodo Baggins. Nor is he early; he arrives precisely when he means to.
>>219990803>I asked for a negroni>she gave me three
>>219990703>Sit down, sit down, feeders of Rohan! Spoons shall be shaken, forks will be bent! A gorge day! A fed day! Ere the restaurant closes! Dine now, dine now, dine for Gondor! Dine for ruined bellies, until the pantry's empty! GLUTTONY!!
bump
>The buffet is shut
>>219989748>and a diet coke
>he took a little tumble spilling his beans hahaha
>>219985548>Not Lord Of The Onion RingsOne job fatty
>Go back, Sam! I'm going to Arby's alone.>Of course you are. And I'm coming with you!
>Fry you fools
What is this amazing thread
>My father is a noble chef, but his cooking is failing, and our people lose weight. He looks to me to cook things right and I would do it. I would see the glory of our pancakes restored. Have you ever seen it, Aragorn? The White Tower of Cream, glimmering like a spike of pearl and silver, its banners caught high in the morning breeze. Have you ever been called to breakfast by the clear ringing of silver trumpets?>I have seen the Denny's, long ago.>One day, our paths will lead us there. And the waitress shall take up the call: "2 breakfast menus for table 5!."
>>219991328>it was made by those who are Chinese
THE RETURN OF THE COOK
The diet cannot be begun, Lardass, son of Fatass, by any craft that we here possess.
>>219986566>Eat cherry tomatoes sloppilykek
>>219985914lmao
>>219992297>We have only one choice: the calories must be destroyed.>Then what are we waiting for? ACK-!>Gimli fails his diet
>>219991390Lol beans!
>>219991436
Bring forth the Denny's Original Grand Slam®, Frodo.
>>219992600>Nine companions to eat this. So be it. You shall be the Fellowship of the Slam.
>Down down to flavor town>Down down to flavor town >Down down to flavor town Yogurt my lad, hoho's my lad
>>219988516kek
>NOOOO FRODO DON'T EAT THAT NOOOOOOOOO
>if I take one more bite, it’ll be the furthest away from healthy I’ve ever been
>Shirts shall be stained, chairs shall be splintered, an all-you-can-eat day, a red-rooster day, ere the appetite rises!
>>219992722Kek
>>219991573Lmfao
>>219991328>>219992039I can’t fucking breathe.
>>219991249>BREEEEEEEEEEEEEEAD
>>219990659Mother of God.
I swear to Eru, Lord of the Rings is the gift that just keeps on giving.
>>219991926>>219992297my flabby sides
>Oh come on, we can take 'em.>It's a long Subway...>Purge me.>What?I cannot put the subway down, you'll have to purge me... Don't tell the Elf.>Not a word.
>The wealth of Moria was not in fruits or meats, but sugar! Bilbo had a bag full of pure sugar that Thorin gave him.>Gimli: Oh, that was a kingly gift!>Yes! I never told him, but its worth was greater than the value of the Shire.
>Where there's a whip, there's some cream>Where there's a whip, there's some cream>Where there's a whip>We don't wanna weigh in under 415
>YOU CAN EAT YOUR FANCY KALE>YOU CAN EAT IT TILL YOU'RE FARTIN'>BUT THE ONLY FOOD FOR US HEFTY DUDES>COMES FROM OLIVE GARDEN
>>219990659KEK
>>219994270Based and kek >>219994243>>219994443Lol
>>219991684I would sex kirsche no matter how fat she is
>Alright then, keep your secret sauce
>>Your Kraft?>You wouldn't part a fat man from his mozzarella sticks?
>>219985994
>>219995413>I was there, Grandelf, 1000 pastries ago.>I was there when the appetite of men failed. *belch*>He kept the onion ring.>It should have been eaten that day, but hunger was allowed to endure.
>>219995413>The Donut Ring passed to Isildur, who had this one chance to lose weight forever, but the stomachs of men are easily corrupted. And the donut ring has a will of its own. It clogged Isildur's arteries, and gave him a heart attack.
>>219988037The poor horse
>>219985994>>219995413
>>219995960Fucking kek.
>>219991436Also wrong.Should've been>Lard of the Ring Dings
>>219994443Oh holy shit.
>Nobody crams a dwarf
>>219986916
>>219994443
>>219985548>Bring oil and vinegar and ranch and Caesar salad dressing and chili cheese waffle fries and mix it all together and chop up some deep-fired hotdogs over it.
>>219996179Kek
LARDOASS WHAT DO YOU SEE WITH YOUR PIG EYES
>IS IT SEASONED?>IS IT BAKED?
>You did not seriously think that a hobbit could contend with the hot dog eating contest of Sauron.... there are none who can...
>Fry, you fools!
> “It’s like the great meals, Mr. Frodo, the ones that really fattened. Full of sugar and butter they were... But in the end, it’s only a fasting thing, this diet. Even fasting must pass. A new meal will come... There’s some food in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for
>the broccoli is nutritious my lord. Its roots go deep>tear them all down
>>219996737>Hold out your hand, Frodo. They're Ranch Doritos, they're quite Cool.
>>219993047Eat now, eat now, eat! Ride for stew and the buffet’s ending! Food! Food! Food !Forth Eorlardass !
>>219997205>Many of these veggies were my friends! A diet influencer should know better!
>I’m not trying to starve you; I’m trying feed you.
>what about tenth breakfast?
legendary bread thread
FORTH ANILINGUS!
>>219985548>"unly two bruvs? bud I nee 4!"
>I will draw you, Sauceman, as condiment is drawn from the bottle
I have laughed harder at this thread than anything I’ve seen all month. You guys are the champs.
>>219987716KEK
>They were slim once!
>>219985548>There is only one Lard of the onion rings. And he does not share flour.
>>219997205>>219997700Holy fucking shit.
>I can’t eat this, Ham.>I know. It’s all undercooked. By rights we shouldn’t even eat here. But we are. It’s like in the great suppers, Mr. Foodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of garnishes and spices, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the main dish. Because how could the dish be filling? How could the stomach go back to the way it was when so much appetizers had happened? But in the loo, it’s only a passing thing, this weight. Even enchiladas must pass. A new meal will come. And when the table is set the cutlery will shine out the clearer. Those were the meals that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too pickish to understand why. But I think, Mr. Foodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those dinners had lots of chances of asking for the check, only they didn’t. They kept ordering. Because they were holding on to something.>What are we holding onto, Ham?>That there’s some good food in this world, Mr. Foodo… and it’s worth eating for.
>>220001185Inspiring.
What about third breakfast?
>>219985548>Gandalf le Gros
This thread has no right being as funny as it is.
>"if you want ham, come and claim ham"
>>219985548>You've already had second breakfast>Yes but what about third breakfast?
>>219985548A wizard is never late to a dinner. He arrives precisely when he's hungry.
>>219985823>>219985548The return of the Burger King
>Don't you know yeast when you see it old man? This is my dough!
>>219986233>What's the American word for fit?>Bulbous.
>>219985548MERCOSUR APPROVED MEAT IS BACK ON THE MENU BOYS
>>219987741my fucking sides
>>219987942One wing to stave the hunger. One wing to fill them. One wing in a basket to be drowned in hot sauce and kill them.
*Ptoo*Low-fat.
>*stops*>White Castle
>>219987942FUCKING LOL
>>220004543Gandalf and Kumar go to White Castle
>Let the Lard of the Black Forest Ham cram forth!
>>219986566>build a tower>build two
>>220006571>forge a ring >forge twoWoah this really could've saved Sauron
>Samwise: Who are they?>Gollum: Ripped men. Servants of Sauron. They are called to Mordor. The Dark One is gathering all fitness instructors to him. It won't be long now. He will soon be ready.>Samwise: Ready to do what?>Gollum: To make his gym. The last gym that will cover all the world in sweat.
The dwarves fried too deep, and too fattyMcBalrog...
>>219987629>show them the meaning of taste
>>219997441>EAT IT, GANDALF! EAT IT!>DON'T TEMPT ME, FRODO.
>>220003954kek, underrated
>a potluck once existed between Elves and Men. Long ago we brought food and dined together. We come to honor that indulgence
OH LAAAAAAWD DEM WINGS
>>220008692kek
i haven't seen a proper reddit thread in a while
>>220008901WE NEED FIND NAPKINS FOR DEM WANGZ
>>219992726Amazing
>...and Proudfoots!>...ProudFAT!
anyone got the image of fat elrond with his buddy
>>220010270
>>219997135that's basically what Sean Astin looks like now
>But what about breakfast?You've already had it.>We've had one, yes. But what about second breakfast?
>you serve no fries, nobody likes your food
>this little fellow's not fed
>>220010865somebody get this hothead outta here
>Break out the dubs, these posters are thirsty!
For frosting
>>219989748Best ITT
>>220008076Fucking kek
>>219986702>I am Gandalf the Wide, now.
>>219985548Ive eaten taco bell two days in a row now.. and my anus has the never ending firey gaze of sauron sauce. The very air you breathe in my bathroom is a noxious fume. One does not simply stop by and need to go pee.
>>220014278>>219986702>I have no memory of this place
>but where is he leading us?>to america, master gamgee>to the house of waffle
Lol this thread should be continued on /ck/
>For FroYo
>>219985548More third worlder monkey posts. Fucking GAY
>>219985548>so much diet, what can men do against such reckless health? >ride out with me. ride out and eat them.
>MALT BEERS>ROARING FIRES>HYPERTENSION OFF THE BOONE!
>Retreeeeeeat! We are not ready to eat these Ranchero Wings!
I rewatched the first two movies a week ago for like the 10th time and I still can't remember a single quote. How the fuck do you guys do it?
>>220016031>10thsimply rookie numbers
what do they eat
>>220016517They ate it all.
>>220016031Put your phone down and don't look at it until the credits end
>>219985548>Be hungry! Keep your fork behind your teeth. I did not cross through Arby’s and Wendy’s to bandy low calorie meals with a skinny vegan.
>WAIT! There are… ingredients. It’s some form of herbs and spices, but I can’t taste it.>There are few who can…
>>220016031Lol zoomer who did a "marathon" which consisted watching a 30 minute episode of a show
>>220016031>what can men do against reckless faggotry?
>>220008076
>>219990346my sides
>You cannot fast!>I am a server of the secret fryer>weigher of the flame broiled >The diet fads will not avail you
>and my snacks!
>>220018647Son of Udon! I cast you back into the noodles from whence you came. YOU SHALL NOT FAST. Fry...you orange fools.
>>219989748should've been Gandolfini's last meal or Big Smoke's drive-thru order
>>220016031that's basically me with The Sopranos because I'm always druk while watching it
>>220016031One time I left lord of the rings on repeat for 6 months straight.
>>220015113Kek
>>220019419Be the change you want to see in the world
>>220014469Lmao
>>220019345A daring synthesis
>>219985548>Gordolf
>Where there's cream whip, there's a way >Where there's cream whip, there's a way >Where there's cream whip, there's a way >We don't want to eat dessert today>But the lord of the snacks says nay nay nay>Were gonna munch all day all day all day>>Where there's cream whip, there's a way
>ITT zoomers who aren't smart enough to taxpost
>>220016517>Everything.
>I'm sorry you seem like a very nice boy Frodo but the ring where is it
>>220020613Based >Down Down to Flavor Town
>>219989748
>>220019419That wouldn't make sense. You wouldn't mention multiple instances of the same menu item, unless you were making an order, but that's not what's happening in the scene.
>>220021514Cope.
>>220021559
>>220020613>>220014278>>219997122>>219995413>>220008098>>219986267>>219988516>>219987863>>219987798>>219985994Kek
Waiter? Waiter... Oh yes I remember! Big tray, full of food, not seen him for 6 minutes...!
>I want to drink Mountain Dew again. Mountain Dew, Gandalf!
ABCAlways Be Cramming
>>220023746>I feel like frosting glazed over too many donuts
most fine and excellent shitposting thread
>>220010865They didn't say that
>>219985548>Return of the King-Size Snickers
>Hobbits? Four Hobbits? What business brings you to Burger King?
>>220019345I knew some chad would step in and finish it for me lol
teevee is alright sometimes
>>219985548There is only one Lard and he does not share power!Chrchrm, ßo, Forza is fertich
>>220027560
>>220020613Best ITT
>>219987363>bowl of Udongod fucking dammit
>>219985548>Yet, after all, why not? Why shouldn't I eat it?
THE BACONS ARE LIT
>>220028580Kek
>One Meal to feed them>One Meal to stuff them>One Meal to gorge them>And in the fatness, barf them
The bacons are lit. Gondor calls for lemonade.
>>220028580>>220029009>And Rohan shall eat it
>thread died down when americans went to sleepmakes you ponder
>>219990659>They have a cinnamon roll.
>I told you to take the wizards half and half
I order my cappuccino coldIn cafes cheap with beans of oldMust think of shitposts while I drinkAnd eat spiced bread of which I stinkStarbucks of yore made mighty brewsBefore they were overrun by Jews
>>219985839Kek bravo
>>219987363>>Dark fire cannot avail you, bowl of Udon
>>219985548>what is this new breakfastery?>...a grand slam of dennys>EAT> lead them on the centre of the plate is near>Do as i say! Forks are no use here
>>220029095And now we're awake bitch
>>220031494and now we're page 10off to the Gravy Havens
>>220031973
