>give us your full report on the anomaly, Lieutenant Anon
Ummm, tachyons... space-time anomaly, etc. I recommend we use the deflector dish or whatever.
We shoot it with phasers. If that doesn't work shoot it with photon torpedoes. Then I'm out of ideas.
>>220543588It appears to be a cat smoking a pipe. At first we thought it was Garfield but after searching the records of the time period we've concluded it's an alteration of a later meme known as "Serious Cat".
>>220543718Make it so
I couldn't get a transporter lock. They must have encrypted the pattern buffers. We should vent warp plasma and check the gel packs. Holomatrix
>>220544379>Worf staring bat'leths at you because whenever he makes the same suggestion they tell him to be quiet
the sensors are literally screaming because this subspace rupture is absolute slop desu we are talking a localized gravimetric shear with a multi-spectral chroniton variance that is completely off the charts like the "uss enterprise" is fully cooked because the spatial distortion is emitting a high-frequency theta-radiation pulse that is actively destabilizing the containment fields on deck fourteen and "data" is on the bridge trying to explain that the anomaly is expanding exponentially by absorbing all nearby dark matter and baryonic mass at an unprecedented rate like a literal cosmic vacuum total npc behavior from the universe but honestly it makes sense why the gravitational pull of this specific anomaly is so uniquely massive and dense because its spatial mass and sheer structural volume can only be compared to "ur mom" lmao cope with that gravity well boys we are done for
>>220543588Sure, but first I'd like to ask Beverly and Diana to leave the room. This doesn't concern them as they are dead-weight on this ship.Go do some Yoga or something.Thank you.
>>220544449>this social circle has no honor!
>>220545845i was going to defend the doctor but then i remembered the episode where they use the transporter to grow worf a new spine
>>220543588Ensign Valash (the Andorian girl with the fat ass), Lieutenant Flax, and I transported down to the planet to take tricorder readings per the Captain's instructions. On attempting to scan the anomaly, Valash was hit by a tachyon-neutrino emissions that caused her to turn into a two-hundred foot giantess with various stomach problems that made her extremely gassy.Well, Valash bent over double and let loose with a tectonic plate shifting ass blast that stripped the flesh from Lieutenant Flax's bones. Somehow, this made her begin to lactate, and I decided to take a sample before returning to the Enterprise.*takes a big sip of milk*
>Sir, my reproductive organ got stuck in the turbo lift doors again.>Again?>Again.
>>220543588I teleported the anomaly some ice cream. It was lactose intolerant. Now it's currently experiencing explosive diarrhea all over the starboard side of the ship. Thinking we just let it finish up then, I dunno, destroy it with a photon torpedo. I'll be in my bunk. I need some therapy, Troi, so come join me. We'll be back in an hour.
>>220543588An authentic and not overly dramatized cold war submarine film. We can't let this see the light of day.
>>220543588I accidentally stuck my dick in it
>>220543683Lieutenant Anon, did you spend all night gooning on the holodeck instead of researching the anomaly?
Just some weird looking alien, says he's emperor of the universe. Called himself Freezer or something like that. I don't think we need to take him too seriously, he's just one guy.
>>220543588Well sir, seeing the anomaly I gave the order to advance. That's my style sir.
>>220543588>the reports confirm that he as spent the last 15 hours in the holodecks, doing what the ensings call, The Riker's Streak, a set of simulations that, allegedly, commander Riker have programmed himself, the most notable ones are: The Vulcan Slave, Dom Klingon Mommy, the Orion Harem, betazoid gilf and daughter, Crushing her in the sickbay, Deep Space 69, Fully clothed ferengi sluts, Cardassian spoonwhores 3, just to mention some of them...>even though the Streak can be finished under 6 hours the logs confirm that the Lieutenant repeated several scenarios up to 3 times, some of them repeated in a row.>anything to add Lieutenant?>my peepee hurts... sir.
>>220543588does TNG have comfy filler episodes or is it all drama and philosophical stuff?
I recently watched the one where they get stuck in a time loop. It was kino. Directed by Number 1 as well.
>>220547490It's all filler episodes, in a sense, some of which are heavy on some moral dilemma, and others not so much.
>>220546764Oh also I met a friendly little bald guy, very nice, he was looking for some dragon's testicles, in his religion it's a ritual about helping your dead friend to pass away
>>220543588>Uhm... computer summarize my findings. No hallucinations pls.
>>220548128>Computer, analyze the data, good result, perfect result, no hallucination, act as a data analyst
>>220547490In filler episodes they usually hang out in a cave
>>220544433Of course! If we reverse the electron sync build up the holomatrix will collapse the encryption patterns out of the buffer and we can get a transporter lock.How long will we have?Only a few seconds but it should be just long enough.Make it so.
>>220543588
>>220544150were lucky you studied 21st century internet meme culture in college
>>220543588He was a weird little guy, this was the image we got before he ran off. Shall we continue investigating? He dropped some delicious steamed hams as he ran away.
>>220548235Lieutenant, is it possible he has other types of hams in his possession?
>>220547254Holy based
REVERSE THE POLARITY!PHOTON STREAM!
>>220543588It seems the anomaly said it can kick our ass.
>>220543588>Well it seems the anomaly is a tear in the fabric of reality and it leads to a universe solely populated by horny Andorian and Romulan females, it’s too dangerous to be left open….however if someone can close it on the other side via a sustained Tachyon burst the tear will cease to exist>But alas whoever did that would be unfortunately marooned on the other side forever..this is a tough decision but I’ve decided I will make the sacrifice and stay behind, yes I wi…SIT BACK DOWN COMMANDER RIKER! SIT BACK OR I’LL PHASER YOU GODDAMIT! I WILL STAY BEHIND!
>>220543588no offence but are you guys blind? I'm a fucking redshirt. I dont know anything about no anomaly. I'm here to die before the ad break
>>220549350No offense, but are YOU blind? Redshirts were sacrificial lambs in the Kirk era, yellowshirts are cannon fodder in the Picard era.
>>220543588In the future, office chairs still have shitty plastic wheels.
