What's a good movie with a portal to hell?
>>220583935The Gate
>>220583935is that the one thats been burning for 60 years or some shit? why dont they just put a wet towel over it?
>>220583935Event Horizon
>>220584037Because it would piss off the reptilian hominids
>>220584078figures. they are a tetchy bunch
>>220583935Goatse biopic
>>220583935The 9th Gate
Any movie with Florida
>>220584042they should have brought a Navigator to steer them through the warp
I can't remember the last time I watched that fulci movie about the basement door, but that one, if it counts
>>220583935I've been to that portal to hell thing. It is hot, smells like gas, and I had to sleep in a yurt. I was so cold in the yurt I started rubbing my ballsack for warmth when I discovered a lump. It was later found to be benign but I now always associate that place with testicular cancer.
>>220584474>I started rubbing my ballsack for warmth be honest, you were fapping in the yurt weren't you, anon. it's ok, we know.awesome story fr. fuck cancer
>>220584474Howd you get into north koreastan?
>>220583935pretty woman
>>220584783I got t a "Transit" visa which allowed me to stay in the capital for 5 days, and while I was there I found a tour company that was OK with foreign currency.Other memories:>When I applied for my visa I called the Turkman Embassy in London. They told me the visa price was "about £74". I told them they needed to be exact because I was writing a cheque. They paused, went away, came back and said "yes, it is about £74". I sent a cheque for £85 and they sent me back £9.14 in loose change with my visa.>We stopped at a town in the desert for fuel. It was only a 40 minute drive from the capital but the town still used the "old" currency that had been abandoned in the capital over a decade ago.>When driving back from the Gates of Hell my driver stopped in a car wash before the capital. He said that if you drive a dirty car in the capital city you can be arrested and your car taken from you.>There are such plentiful reserves of natural gas that locals just leave their gas cookers on 24/7. Gas is free in the capital city.>I visited "statue park" where the new president had moved all the old president's fave statues, including the statue of the old president that rotates so it is always facing the sun (it no longer rotates).>I got drunk at a pub called "English Pub" where a Turkman sang Robbie Williams songs with a perfect accent. I spoke to him afterwards and he couldn't understand a word of English.>I got drunk at English Pub and a grotesquely overweight Russian prostitute asked if I wanted a "Massage". I declined.>After getting back to my actual hotel I accidentally went to the wrong floor, but my hotel key worked in the door. It turns out all keys in the tourist hotel work in all doors.>I visited the "largest mosque in Central Asia". However instead of the Quran written on the walls, it's mostly quotes from the autobiography of the ex-president. This is absolutely haram and means the mosque gets no worshippers, but requires plenty of armed guards.
>>220583935>>220584037Why don't they built a power plant over it?
>>220584008this has a permanent place in my spooktober movie marathon
>>220585033>It was only a 40 minute drive from the capital but the town still used the "old" currency that had been abandoned in the capital over a decade ago.Ancap status? Achieved!
>>220584474keknice story
>>220583935minecraft the movie
>>220584474Did you squirt in the yurt, or outside in the dirt? I bet your sac hurt.
The 90iesthe portal is time
>>220585033this is hilarious
>>220584474how do you know when it's a LUMP lump?people always talk like you definitrly know when there's a lump. i'd feel silly visiting my doctor only for him to say >...that's just your teste, anon.
>>220585057Fire burns plants, are you stupid?
>>220583935imagine tossing nonwhite people in this!
>>220585057This. They need a giant tub of water, capture the steam, you could probably power Moscow and St. Petersburg simultaneously.
>>220586149I had a small red dot near my glans when I was about 20 and asked a doc about it. he said it was nothing, that he'd seen everything from being an Army doctor. The point is: Don't be afraid to ask doctors ANYTHING about your dick and balls. Just always offer to show them your genitals at every appointment, to make sure you're 100% healthy dick balls every time. Trust me, they want to check your dick.
>>220585033>locals just leave their gas cookers on 24/7sounds retarded and untrue. What's even the point of leaving them on? Wouldn't this be insanely dangerous for many reasons? wtf
>>220584440This was the first warp trip, navigators were still far from being developed
>>220586303what if i get an erection BECAUSE my doctor is inspecting/feeling my cock and balls?do they get that a lot? would i get in trouble, somehow, even if it's involuntary?
>>220586397>what if i get an erection BECAUSE my doctor is inspecting/feeling my cock and balls?Never happens in my experience. Did get a woody the two times a doc checked my prostrate. Very hot.
>>220583935The SentinelHighway To HellThe BeyondNine Miles Down
>>220583935These days, its just a gravel pit with a few small campfire-sized flames here and there.
>>220584042That's not hell, just the warp.
>>220586782>The Beyondgreat nightmarish movie
The Black Hole
>>220586914What happened?
>>220587064Turkmenistan is drilling the natural gas nearby that is/was fueling it.
>>220585057Well you see it's in Africa
>>220583935>POV: you had Taco Bell
>>220586934hell is just a word
>>220586397More likely it will happen when they send you to get an ultrasound. I have a couple small bumps on my testicles & every couple years they have me get an ultrasound to see if they have changed size & I have never seen a male ultrasound tech. It's always a cute 20 something. Multiple times it's been 1 tech with 1 or 2 med students observing. Nothing like getting your junk covered in warm gel while 3 girls watch
>>220583935
>>220586229It would be extremely painful
>>220585033anons who have gone to foreign countries: how do you know the foreigners aren't just going to rob and murder you?
>>220587159Turkmenistan you goof.
what does on down there
>>220587538I can absolutely assure you there are males, because when I got my balls ultrasounded it was a dude and yes it's fucking weird getting your balls getting covered in goo and rubbed in a dark room by a dude while trying not to laugh because it's ticklish.
>>220584008I heard this movie really spooked the shit out of a bunch of kids back in the day.
>>220589805You don't, you basically hope they believe overcharging you is compensating enough for them.
>>220584037Because this is literally the only tourist attraction in the country.
https://youtu.be/nFv9ZRAqG1s?si=wDCyU9KqHY9bgU8rThis>>220587052
>>220585033Everybody should read up on the former president of Turkmenistan. That dude was batshit insane and makes North Korea look like a joke.
>>220587538I was super nervous about this when I had my balls checked, and I got a hot chick doing it, but I think my nervousness and how weird the situation was prevented it from happening.
>>220585033>where a Turkman sang Robbie Williams songs with a perfect accent>Robbie WilliamsLiterally who?
>>220586346Its free heating + cheaper to keep it running vs the cost of a lighter/matchesI don't think natural gas is free anymore, so people have stopped doing this
>>220583935https://youtu.be/clwo4cesnMI?si=PvbRbrGzOopfNwJq&t=1343The biggest tourist attraction in the Turkmenistan. Not dramatic up close. Here you can see how the Soviets opened a portal to hell
Why don't they put out the flame, or transport the gas, or use it as a geothermal powerplant?What the fuck is going on in Latin America?
>>220583935good thing they put a fence around it.
>>220583935Hellboy
>>220585033This is good enough to be a movie.
>>220587191Lmao
>>220589558KEK>>220589598Not if you shoot them first.
>>220590267I’m pretty sure it’s what triggered my foot fetish.
>>220589558im so glad i never clicked the goatse shit back then. ive still never seen it. and i never will. but i recognise those hands anywhere
>>220584037The local government actually wants to and is actively looking for ways to permanently put it out.
>>220585033Kino. I stayed at a hotel once where the door had been kicked in so many times that you could just push it open, so I had to move the bed infront of the door so I could actually get some sleep that night since there were crackheads outside shouting and trying random doorknobs all night.>>220589805Trust no one basically. I also try to dress as much like a local as possible and have a small inconspicious bag (if at all) that is secured in some way and is anti-tear.
>>220583935>What's a good movie with a portal to hell?When did your mom shoot a porno tape with your dad?
>>220592333That's in turkland
>>220592652The day you were born, mom and dad had a threesome with your mom while she was at the hospital bed. Dad's dick was deep inside your moms throat the moment you came out.
>>220589558lmao
>>220583935in both senses yes
>>220583935As Above So Below
constantine. but its more an occult ritual than an actual physical portal.
>>220585033kekYou're a good one
>>220584037if you're thinking of that Pennsylvania town that has a fire burning perpetually underneath no its not as visual its more just like smoke coming from the ground
>>220583935Could Chris Watts have gotten away with it if this was in Colorado?
>>220583935this isnt like that, its just ine little fire here and there
>>220589805Only go to first world countries, first of all.
>>220584474i once had a wet dream when I was family camping with my dad and gf, waking up in the fucking woods with a fat load in your underparents in the freezing morning with no private bathroom nearby is a fucking nightmare, i dont think anyone can comprehend the amount of wet dreams my body gets naturally for some reason, i'm talking every 3-4 days if I don't resist it
>>220594297Quit dreaming about dudes, simple
>>220585033that last greentext is fascinating, as a hotel employee the keycard story is wild, when you work the swing shift at my place you're the last employee (same with graveyard) in the building and so if their keycard reader on their room doesn't work and you can't move their room you have to give them a universal card because maintenance can't be bothered to come in past 4pm (or on the weekend which is fucking laughable but our boss is a cheap fucking indian) and of course you can't tell them its a universal card but sometimes they deduce it and at that point you basically make a prayer unless you can magically work out another solution (like opening their door for them every time they need to get in), of course if they look questionable I will go more out the way to not give a universal card like if they're ethnic, mostly old white people are the ones I'll give it to unless they're so old they are gonna get lost
>>220590084>turkmenistan>turk men is stan>jerk men this landwhat a gay country
>>220589805depending on the level of the foreign country they value tourists for their economy so much that you are considered a protected class, this doesn't mean you're immune but it does mean that both police, security, and merchants value your presence and seek to keep you out of trouble, if you'e going to a real shithole you gotta be wealthy enough to have a guide perpetually, in America I walk around dressed like I'm barely above a bum and it definitely keeps me from being a target in many areas because I'm perceived as very poor, I'd hope to an extent this would make me the last target among other tourists in most places
>>220594144That's how it is today, but it used to be a giant fire pit. The gas has managed to nearly entirely burn off after the last 40 years.
>>220583935omg is that fire? slightly below ground level???
>>220595396No, it is a 70 meters deep ignited natural gas cavern that has been burning for 50 years
