Why didn't he just go to the bathroom?
>>687912258he was going to do it later
It's not like the bathroom is going anywhere
>>687912258He didn't want to do it, at least not yet.
>>687912258Would you?Didn't think so.
>>687912258Low functioning autism. Imaging hyper focus and inability to focus on anything else BUT you are low functioning? So you just have to keep playing this game, but don't care if you're shitting yourself? That's bad.
>>687912258It's not about shitting his pants, it's about sending a message.
when I was in elementary school I used to hold in my shits, to the point it would leak out during the day into my underwear... my mom would get mad cause she'd have to wash my shitty underwear by themselves to not mix it with other laundry.. I think I eventually stopped because my classmates caught on and asked "why does it smell like shit" and I got too embarassedbut I would hangout in the bathroom for like an hour or more playing with toys standing up with my legs crossed holding in my shits apparently it's some control thing? I have no clue.. it was weird and I still occasionally am reminded of it from time to time. Things mom's have to deal with, manso yeah I'm assuming he has something similar, /blog
>>687912258It was not the time...Not yet
he had to let it ferment and dry age in his filthy crapped briefs until it reached the apex of stinkification
>>687912856I have done that too. Wow are you me? I got mad constipations because of it.
>>687912258It was probably his monthly shower day, so no reason to not shit your pants if you had already planned on washing yourself later.
>>687913086great insight anon
>>687913013ah.. yeah.. I had to get enema's from my mom.. lay on my side in the bathroom while she put it up my ass.. my dad used to joke cause I screamed one time "TAKE IT OUT TAKE IT OUT!!!" cause that stuff was room temp going up your ass felt like ice watervideo games btw
>>687912258It was not his time.
>>687912258its a gamer thing, you wouldn't get it
not yet
Thankfully cumming into your underwear is not seen as a taboo like shitting in them
Schizo Theory: He wasn't actually shitting himself but his mom needed him off the videogame so she tried to gaslight him into going to the bathroom.That's why he says "not yet" he's trying to tell her he literally doesn't feel the need to go but she just keeps going.
POOP IS COMING OUT OF YOUR FUCKING ASSHOLEMafia isn't even that good lol
>>687913409*edging for 4 hours*>you're cumming yourself! Go to the bathroom and ejaculate now!
>>687912258Because if you started the process of shitting its uncomfortable to give up and his type of 'tism makes him just go with his feelings/impulse
nuhyet wadahel
>>687912627>Low functioning autismNo I think he's just some dumbass kid. Otherwise he wouldn't even be able to play a game like Mafia 3.
>>687913563Not yeh
>>687912258There's time and place for everything
>>687913659Let alone stream it.
>>687912856anon shit stories are always fascinatingboard when, /b/ doesnt get nearly enough shit pic should i go to the doctor threads anymore
>>687912856Dude just GO TO THE BATHROOM
>>687913916No way, fag
>>687912856What about holding your piss?
>>687913563>you're cumming yourself! Get inside me and ejaculate now!>NOT YEH!
>>687913086literally me but weekly, and I don't usually shit myself
>>687912258He didn't have to shit yet but his mom gaslighted him into shitting himself
>>687912258He was larping as an Indian.
>>687912856It’s called anal retention. Holding in a shit while you kneel over your bed like you’re praying to Jesus was top tier as a kid. Feels good doggy.
Why is /v/ SUDDENLY shitting on the FLOOR?
>>687915074....huh?
>>687912856It's called encopresis.
>>687915470I said that holding in your doody While you get on your knees and lean over your bed And try not to shit Feels good
>>687912258>all of this over Mafia 3It's not even worth shitting yourself for. So many questions raised, none of them answered.
Hold on, I got to drop something.
>>687915858heh heh
This song is so good.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6uTBlek2Pw
>>687914049not him but yeah i got one>be me>1st or 2nd grade dont remember>have to piss during gym class>something doesnt feel right, felt like a burning sensation or something probably a UTI but didnt know>was too scared to go and piss cause of this>start pissing myself in the middle of gym class>manage to stop it entirely but whats done is done>gym class was also the 1st period>go to actual class afterwards>still have to piss like crazy>start pissing myself then and there in the chair>tie my hoodie around my waist to hide the piss stains>EVERYONE could smell it >just play it off as me tripping into a puddle during recess if anyone noticed>get home>somehow no one noticed>mom has to drop off my sisters friend at her house>me, my brother, my sister, her friend and my mom in the care>my sister "why does it smell like a dead rat in here?" it wasnt until we got home from that when my mom noticed, i also shit myself in my sleep around the same age/grade but thats less interesting. i have no idea what the fuck was wrong with me, is it genuine autism?
>>687912258He was too loaded down right now. Heh heh
>>687916305No, just being genuine grade schooler.
>>687912856When I was younger I randomly developed a fear of pooping. I think it was because I was an extremely picky eater and had a piss poor diet so I was constantly constipated and had dry, chunky shits that would be painful to pass. One night I was so insanely constipated that I was in and out of the bathroom all night trying to pass this one gigantic, shampoo bottle-sized turd. After hours it finally came out and it was absolutely covered in blood. I was so scared to shit again that I legit held in my poop for 11 days until it got so bad I had to start holding in my piss as well because if I relaxed my bladder enough to piss my sphincter would also relax and my shit would come out. Eventually my mom took me to the emergency room so the nurse could give me an enema. I spent the next 3 hours in the hospital bathroom in agony. This happened again a few months later.
>>687913452No, you can hear him shitting himself In the video.
>>687912258he was gamingyou wouldn't understand
Shout out to when it was the middle of the night, and I didn’t wanna wake my parents up, so I decided to piss in a bottle in my bedroom, except it wasn’t a bottle, it was a cardboard shoebox, which is not particularly good at trapping water. Also a shout out to my little brother, when he was six years old or so, randomly started pissing himself when he got super excited, which was weird because he was potty trained by like three years old, and it wasn’t a problem until he was six. I won a round of counterstrike while he was watching me and he pissed all over my bed.
Maybe he trusted a fart to merely be a fart, however it was not just a fart situation.
>>687912258>Why didn't he just get out of the way?He drew a line in the sand and tossed his gauntlet before the feet of tyranny.
>>687916542>>687916305>>687912856>>687912258>Mom>ShitI bet those bitches fucked up potty training. Angry adult woman emotions taken out on an infant is brutal.
>>687916542see >>687916305this is also essentially my story, developed this irrational fear of shitting for no reason, ended up shitting myself in my sleep. the funniest part is me and my older brother shared a room and had bunk beds and i guess he was up late that night cause hes told how he was listening to music that night and suddenly got a whiff of pure shit and had to endure it the whole night keki remember waking up in the middle of the night and feeling what felt like a fucking tennis ball in my pants thinking my brother was fucking with me until i slammed my hand on it and it was squishy
>>687913982>>687912258>>687913013fucking kill yourselves shit smeared mongoloids
>>687917098I’m going to marry your daughter and have many, many generations of kids.
>>687917098nuuuh nah yeh
>>687917098Not yet, mother.
>>687912856I did this too as a kid for a few years. I was taking massive dumps that were painful/tearing up my anoose, probably related to holding my shit in but the fact that when I did have to shit it hurt a fuck ton just made me want to hold it in even more.All good now though, still taking massive dumps.
>>687917098nah yeh wha da heck...
>>687912856>>687917349are you now excessively neat and orderly in your adulthood?
>>687916831I did that before while eating some Chipotle and shit myself as a full grown man
>>687916125I can't believe they got Dimitrus to guest star on the album.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6uTBlek2Pw
>>687918150did he fucking actually or are you trolling
>>687917523Definitely more so then I was as a kid but not excessive. I would just say I shit when I have to shit now every morning.
>>687916692>I won a round of counterstrike while he was watching me and he pissed all over my bed.Being traumatized by this would be a good excuse next time someone calls you a shitter.
>>687915074Yeah I did the same thing. I never shit myself because of it though.
>/v/ was the kid that shat himself at school
>not even sitting himself to keep playing the game, he just starts arguing with his momBecause he's a king
Why did he say "not yet" whilst already shitting himself?
>>687918963that was me kekstill super embarrassing to remember it from time to time
>>687912856I went through the same until I got caught in kindergarden shitting my pants. After that I just stopped, cold turkey. The only reason I remember is because my parents would never shut the fuck up about it.
>>687912258He's not even at an important part of the game, yet he still wants to shit himself.
>Walk into walmart bathroom and someone shat on the toilet seat itself
>>687916692>three years old,thats really late on
>>687919604
>be me>special ed teacher in an elementary school>every kid in my class has autism>literally 5 minutes before dismissal today>one of them pulls down his pants and shits diarrhea all over the brand new carpetIt should be illegal for women over the age of 30 to breed.
>>687919673>bell rings, telling the kid he has to leave>"Nuh et">*sharts violently*
>>687919673>"YOU JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR! CONGRATULATIONS!"
GET UP AND GOTOTHE BATHROOM
>>687919673based kid, if he had the wherewithal to pull his pants down he probably knew what he was doing
>>687919673>special ed teacher in an elementary schoolWhy would you ever do this to yourself?How did this ever sound like a good career choice?
>>687912258What's the story behind this? A streamer shit himself and it was more comical than usual streamer shit? I can't even recognize what game that is.
>>687912856>all those repliesholy hell this place really is autism central
>>687919673im gonna cry holy shit
>>687912856When I was a little kid in the afterschool daycare where you wait for your mom, I shit my pants but was too embarrassed to tell the teachers. I was on the tire swing by myself and this cute little girl started pushing me but then told me I smelled like shit lmao.
>>687920197https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaMFveebhFw
>>687912856>Me, 8 years old>Cousin: "lmao you know what would be funny? If someone shit their pants and swung it around like a flail. Shit Flail.">I do the shit flail. Not even in front of my cousin to make him laugh, just after everyone went home, alone in the hallway.>Dad walks in as I'm slinging my soiled PJs around by the legs, spinning my improvised poop weapon>The smell was incredible>"Anon WHAT THE FUCK are you doing"I think it was the first time I ever got my ass beat. Nobody ever talks about it, so I either hallucinated the whole thing or my parents memory-holed that event for the sake of their sanity. Still don't know why I did it. I was a pretty good kid and didn't have any weird gross fixations. I guess the concept of shit flail was just so vivid that I had to try it. I'm a lot more forgiving of kids doing retarded shit out of the blue since recalling that memory.
>>687919928His retarded mother seems to have potty trained him, but he’s too retarded to ask to go to the bathroom so he just resorts to going on the carpet when he doesn’t see a toilet nearby.He pissed on the same carpet this morning too btw.>>687920167lol I’m actually working as a teacher’s aide while still going to school. I’m only doing this job for like a month. Hopefully I’ll find something comfier in a middle school after I graduate.
>>687920197Some retarded kid was viralling his video game streams on /v/. And sometime during his Mafia 3 stream, his mom comes in and tells him to go and take a shit, and he refuses to comply and you could hear him shitting himself, his mom getting more and more irritated about him not going to the bathroom. All of this was happening on stream btw, not cutting his feed or anything.
>>687912856Ngl holding in shit kinda feels good but actually shitting feels even better.
>>687916542self fulfilling prophecy right there, dawg
>>687919673after a certain point euthanasia for the mentally feeble just seems... innately natural. you don't see any retarded animals in nature, they all get eaten
>Me and my friends go to an asian friends tiny apartment thats so small that the kitchen, bathroom and living room are 1 step apart >One of them runs to the bathroom to shit and doesnt wipe well enough so it lands on the floor and part of the toilet>Living room AND kitchen smells like ass now
>>687920545>Not even in front of my cousin to make him laugh, just after everyone went home, alone in the hallway.keksometimes an idea is just that good i guess
>>687920682I was wondering to myself, is shitting what anal feels like? I don't really groan or make noise when I jerk off but when I shit I usually make noise or grunt/groan. Is that the shit pushing against my prostate or something? Because taking big shits does feel good
>>687920607>>687920517Thanks anons
>>687920884You cracked the code, good job. Just stick to shitting though, putting stuff up your butt is bad 4u
>>687919553Embarrassing somebody about a habit is the most efficient way to stop said habit.
>>687920884>Is that the shit pushing against my prostate or something?Yup exactly
I hate joking about pooping because years ago i pushed too hard once and basically felt like i was dying and had to go to the hospital from straining myself that much. My stomach was fucked for some time after until i started taking metamucil and gut shots to restore my stomach. I dont know what happened that day, pushed so hard i gave myself an ulcer?
>>687921105you're not supposed to push retard
>>687920782Euthanasia? But anon, people shit themselves when they die.
>>687920986>>687921061Wait so like if I fingered my asshole it'd feel that good? Why do girls pretend to like anal then if they don't have prostates?
>>687920782Careful man, dangerously close to eugenics ideology there.
>>687921207It'd feel that good if you knew how to hit your prostate right
Huh, I thought holding shit for a long time wasn't that common. Now I feel less weird.
>Going from Mafia 3 not yet to childhood piss/shit stories.Never change /v/
>>687912258you wouldnt get it
>>687921321Feel like I'm treading dangerous ground here but thinking about this
ive literally been holding it in for four hours now
>When its actually a shartIts over...
Since /v/ has experts on everything, how do infinite wipes come about? Not shitting fully?>>687921442Go to the bathroom, anon.
>>687921442You're gonna bust so hard when it slidds past your prostate, so fuckin jelly.
>>687921393NTA, but prostate vibrators are fucking amazing. Best orgasms I've ever had. Just, if you ever stick anything up your ass, use a LOT of lube, take it slow, and don't use anything too big. The last thing you want is tearing up the inside of your asshole. And always be sanitary.
>>687921690>Go to the bathroom, anon.not yet
>>687921618sad!
I got so backed up once I ran to the the drug store to buy suppositories. They got my bowels moving but the shit was still too big and hard to come out so it was just painfully pressing against my asshole and feeling like it was about to start ripping skin. I had to stick my finger up there and dig out little chunks until it was small enough to pass. 2/10, wouldn't recommend. Eat your fiber, anons.
>>687921442GO TO THE BATHROOM
>>687921143at least they won't have to go to the bathroom>>687921284oh what, am I getting too "anti-semitic" for you?
>>687921837why?
>>687921712That's what I've heard, that anal orgasms are way more intense than regular ones
>Waking up in the morning to pee AND poop at the same time>But erection
>>687919604you got off easy, people usually do picrel
You can hear the squelching of his swamp bubbles at 0:16
Anyone ever had this feeling?
>>687921775yeah get some miralax or other stool softener. going straight with a laxative without softening up 3 days of shit is going to be torture and have you contemplating suicide on the toilet.
>>687921980Yeah, they definitely are. I don't like to do it too much though, since doing it after not having done it for a long time is like "wow, is this what I've been missing?". If I got off like that every time I got horny it'd probably get old, plus it'd fuck up my asshole. And cleaning toys is a pain since I'm lazy.
>>687921690>how do infinite wipes come about?Dunno, but getting a bidet has completely eliminated them from my life. Best $100 you can spend.
>>687922048I can actually smell it every time, it's amazing. That section of the video needs to be studied, smellovision has always been here.
fill those diapers gamers
>Mfw im eating raisin bran crunch right NOW
>>687919553i did it too and I also shit in the urinal in kindergarten and they somehow caught me I just wanted to hold in my shit and I had to go so bad that I couldn't make it to the toilet
>>687915632he wasnt even playing online,he could have gone to the bathroom at any point,he just didnt feel like it WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT
>>687915074Louis?
>>687922128This anon is correct. My nephew has intenstinal issues, and it makes it very difficult for him to use the bathroom, but miralax is a guaranteed way to make yourself shit. Generic brand stuff works just as well, as long as it's the same ingredient. I used to work in a pharmacy and I would always tell people to get generic brand items since it was always more affordable.Just don't ever take too much. Shitting so much is horrible. I had to drink a ton of it mixed with gatorade for a day since I needed to prep for a colonoscopy, and the shits were horrible, since shitting when there's nothing to shit, just comes out as yellow bile and it burns your asshole like hellfire.
Last year I shat myself as a grown men at my friend's new year party. I felt the biggest liquid shart coming, someone else was in the bathroom so I said fuck it, Imma drive home and shit there. Halfway to the parking lot, my anus couldn't hold itself in and I sharted all over the staircase, must be the chinese food. I threw the underwear stained with shit in the trash can and drove home, wiped my ass, took a shower, put on a new set of clothes, drove back to my friend's house and pretended nothing happened
>>687921673This game taught me a lot about how to not shit my pants. To this day, I have never just stood up and shit myself.
>>687922546It gets harder to hold it the older you get, so don't feel bad.
>>687921207Girls feel it in their nethers because the wall between ass and vagooter isn't very thick, it's still stimulating
I remember when I was a kid I woke up in the middle of the night having to shit BAD. So I ran to the bathroom and hovered my ass right above the toilet, put my hands on the band of my tighty whities but right then, my ass above the toilet, I sharted diarrhea all in my underwear. I was so embarrassed and didn't want to tell my mom so I just bunched up the underwear and hid it in my closet. It was found later
>>687922546drink kafir, you probably have a fucked up gutt. had a fucked up gut, but take massive log shits every time now
>>687912962DIRTYCRAPPEDBRIEFS
>>687916542kek I used to get so constipated my mum had to literally spoon shit out of my assWhat the fuck is this thread
Best thread on /v/ my sides are fucking gone jesus christ
I fell in the toilet when I was younger so I always squat on the seat now since when I was younger I had a fear of falling in and the habit just never went away. I can't fall in now, but I can't shit sitting down. You guys are some fucking weirdos though.
>>687923227>he hover shitsPussy
>>687923271Squatting is literally better for you than sitting
>>687912258It wasn't the right time
This thread STINKS,i could smell you from the touhou thread
>>687923227This guy saw L in Death Note when he was 6 years old and said "He's literally me."
>>687920601i did this; bro get the fuck out and go get a better paying job in I.T or something which doesn't involve retards shitting on the walls.
>>687920782I don't disagree especially after seeing what it does to families. Anecdotally I've only ever seen one family pull through and be somewhat normal even though looking after someone who is basically wheelchair bound for the rest of their life takes a massive amount of energy. It's a good thing they're rich too.
>>687912856>all of these storiesLmfao, mine can't hold a candle to these, but it's some of the same>family swimming in a river because we're fucking poor>temperature of the water is so relaxing I shit my swim trunks>waddle up to the car where my mom is hanging out>she gets pissed, strips me in front of everyone (this is the early 2000's) and tells me to get back in the river nude to wash offCompletely forgot about this memory til now
I haven't shat myself since I was a kid but every now and then I feel a ghost shart when I'm asleep. I think I fart in my sleep and the hot air makes it feel like I'm shitting myself. So sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night to check and make sure that I didn't actually shit myself, which hasn't happened yet. I did piss in my bed one time 5 years ago and I felt very ashamed as an adult.
>>687923886It's genuinely fucked up to consider these people a burden, but that's simply what they are if you're poor or even middle-class. Humanity has dogshit medical knowledge overall so there's no real way to boost these people's mental/physical capacities, even after all of our research into groundbreaking technologies.
>>687912258Please, please stop talking about shit and shitting, /v/.>t. Just had food poisoning 24 hours ago.
>>687923967I haven't pissed myself as a adult but I have shit myself. I'd had a few times where I sharted and shit came out and reach between the butt cheeks but I don't count it because it didn't make contact with the undies
>>687912856>>687916542>>687923090>>687916305>>687919673fucking lolthe people on this sitebut I guess I'm here tooI never had anything like that that i recall but I did apparently eat cow shit once or twice when I was real young>>687916692one time i pissed in a trash can in my room and when i woke up I saw it was just a fucking open ended tube on the carpet that was in my room for some reason
>one of the most cordial/sincere threads on the catalog rnjesus
>>687920782cats are retards,dogs are retards,random frogs are retards,birds are retards,bugs are retards,but the biggest one is >you,if your country practiced what you preach you wouldnt be here spilling that retarded nonsense
This is one of the best threads on /v/ right now, so it obviously won't last long.
>>687924414fresh off the bus from /pol/? I ask because your shit ass post is a dime a dozen over there
>>687923967>I haven't shat myself since I was a kidThe bell tolls for you too. One time when I was like 28 I gambled on a fart during a particularly intense game of ut2004 and you can guess how that turned out.
>>687921690>infinite wipesYou basically have a chunk of shit stuck in your ass and every wipe is scraping the surface. Bidets work by blasting the chunk away.
I always pissed myself as a kid but there was this one time where I supposedly sleep walked and pissed all over the TV once
>>687924138>one time i pissed in a trash can in my room and when i woke up I saw it was just a fucking open ended tube on the carpet that was in my room for some reasonThat's some monty python kind of shit
>>687924243i think these threads usually always attract the dying breed of anons that can actually still laugh at themselves to one place, they're nice. shit is inherently shock humor and embarrassment so the gay political infighting doesnt get much of a foothold and normalfags trying to grandstand over based pants shitters just get ignored as people focus on the funny posts
I'm a 30 year old man and I shat my pants thinking it was a fart the other day. Wonder if this is going to become a common occurrence as I get older.
>>687912856>Things mom's have to deal with, manMy mom had to deal with my cum stained underwear that I would walk around the house wearing for days.I don't like to think about it. I don't know how I recovered form that much autism.
>>687924697my dad did this except he pissed directly inside of the trash can in my roomnot even a drunk thing, dude was always sober. funny as fuck though.
>>687924919how did you find out?
>>687924138oh I just remembered that one time when I was like 4 to maybe 6 I went behind someone's house we had stopped by for a yard sale and took a shit in their backyard lol>not my problem
This thread is hilarious but also disgusting and embarrassing. I'm glad most of you don't shit yourselves anymore, proud of (You).
>>687924984I witnessed it since I was up late playing n64, star fox specifically.
>>687924697This should be in the inevitable Persona 4 remake.
>>687925052thats just the yard sale tax
>>687924841Its ok i do my own laundry so its in my legal right to cum into my underwear whenever i want
>>687924697>me, probably like 8 years old>sleep walk into the living room>mom and dad watching a movie>I just stare at them>they ask me to turn off the light I left on in the other room>I go into the room and press a key on the piano>come back>continue to stare at them>this repeats multiple times until I sleep walk back to my roomI don't even know if I believe them that this happened since it's just too funny
>>687924841I stole a pair of my mom's panties to jerk off in. I'm pretty sure she found them at some point because they were gone one day, but she never brought it up to me.
>>687925052Friendly neighborhood fertilizer.
>>687912856Only time I ever shit myself at school was in the 4th grade. It was a big solid shit too, but I had like, no opportunity to get away or do anything about it so I had to sit in my science class with a big turd in my underwear. Fortunately we were dissecting frogs that day so no one smelled the fat ogre shit in my pants because of all the dessicant and dead frog smell.
>>687925116kek that's fucking hilarious
>>687921105Back when I was in college I had a housemate who herniated a disk while pooping, at least that's the theory we came up with. It's weird because he was super skinny but always spent a ridiculous amount of time in the bathroom, even bought a stack of magazines with him.
>>687925108When I have a child I’m going to shout in his face until he turns purple about how nobody poops but him. See how bad I can fuck him up. Kek some parents man.
I haven't trusted a fart for like 5 years after having a wet mucousy fart on the couch at home. I sat in it for like 20 minutes because I thought it was just hot, but when I got up the cushion was moist.Take your metamucil, bros. And don't over pressurize the bidet to flush your colon.
>>687920782That's what people did for all human history.It just makes sense until we have the technology to cure them.
>>687912258>>687912856>>687913013>>687916305>>687919673How hard is it to not just go to the bathroom. I don't buy any of this "muh autism" drivel, this is just an excuse to be a slob.
>>687925426Never again after I started drinking
>>687912856my nephew did that and his shit became giant fucking stone balls that destroyed his s-colon and now has to shit soft to fix his colon
>>687912856One time I thought I ate something poisonous as a kid so I kept spitting on the ground out of fear of swallowing it. I did that for over a year until my 2nd grade teacher saw me spitting on the floor and made me clean it up lol.I was also deathly terrified of bees, ticks, and going to hell
fucking cackling at this thread, heres one>first grade>saw constantly how janitors in cartoons and movies and shit got terrible pay>didnt realize what hourly was so I thought they paid by the mess they had to clean up>start wiping a single smear of shit on the stall wall every time i went to the bathroom>didnt stop after a school announcement>only stopped when mom asked if i was doing it one day in the car to school >said no and it seemed like she believed me but wouldn’t have for long if i kept it up
I used to fart a lot when I was playing games, and my parents would yell at me to go to the bathroom. I wasn't a retard, I didn't shit my pants, I was just having stinky farts and it upset them so they wanted me to fuck off. That's what I assume is going on here.
>>687922884>I was so embarrassed and didn't want to tell my mom so I just bunched up the underwear and hid it in my closet. It was found laterTwo sentence horror stories
>>687925662Stunning.
>>687925753you can hear brutal wet squelches multiple times, he absolutely shit his pants
>>687925701At least your heart was in the right place
>>687925662lmao, that's the kind of shit (no pun intended) that makes families have to move school districts
>>687925701"I'm helping!"
>>687925862fucking kek
>>687925753how do you not hear it in the woman's voice she has an incontinent kid and shes fed up after 15 years of it?no one mistakes the smell of a fart as the smell of shit. its too distinctive. it infuriates you.
>>687925701CLEAN IT UP JANNY
>>687926058>how do you not hear it in the woman's voiceI've been around 95IQ screaming retard mothers before. They scream just to scream, because they're essentially retarded.
>>687925701What a pure and innocent reason to smear shit on the wall.
Anyone here remember Chocolate Milk?https://youtu.be/haSGAf7lvR0Whatever you do, do not look at the date of the video.
>>687915074>>687912856
>>687923227lol I know you
>>687926131they're both very retardedmaybe her especially so since she probably had Dimitrus in her 30's or some shit
>as it turns out, when they say that "4chan is like wading through shit to find diamonds," sometimes they mean the shit threads are actually the diamonds
>>687926138I 'member.5 bucks says that kid has two baby mamas and he's currently in prison for beating the first one half to death.
>>687926267Offtopic threads are always the best because everyone here is a sperg and is willing to share their stories of being a sperg.
>>687926138I was the Chocolate Milk kid, AMA
i jerked off before shitting like half an hour ago and there was a little bit of blood in my cum. im so furious. there is never a moment of rest in my life, i just pingpong from issue to issue. god fucking damn it
>>687926138It's gonna be so fucked up when we start seeing "20 years ago" in video descriptions
>>687926458Just wait another 10 years, and you'll see it say "30 years ago".
>>687926452That's usually not a sign of anything serious, could just be a popped blood vessel or UTI. Probably not STD since you're a /v/ user.
>>687926528yeah, im a 30 year old virgin. i also almost never jerk off. i think this was the first time in a month, but there are times in my life where ive gone half a year and it really hurt when i would eventually cum. i mostly do it as maintenance, but this felt completely fine until i saw the small bursts of blood in the semen
Please tell me one of you shit connoisseurs have a screenshot of that anon on welfare living in an apartment his aunt owned with a mountain of shit in tupperware containers playing TF2 all day and the floor caving in after the toilet backed up and flooded for a monthI can't be the only one who remembers this. I have the screenshot somewhere but still can't find it.Fake or not it was great.
>>687926647>it really hurt when i would eventually cumyou probably just squeeze your dick too hard that shit used to happen to me too until I lightened up the grippage
>>687926736it felt like i pulled every muscle in my dick and the pain was almost charlie horse level. this was also like six years ago.
saucy beatin off to this thread rn
I haven't had a solid shit in about 2 years. Sometiimes they're occasionally firm but they snake out like one of those joke snake prank things but with do much force that I couldn't cut the turd mid push if I wanted to. It's just full commitment. But that's only like 10% of the time. The other 90% is just diarrhea that smells awful. It might be my awful diet and rampant consumption of cheap honey whiskey. I'm not sure. But it sucks because the diarrhea is so wet and sticky that my asshole and it's hairs gets matted in the shit and I have to wipe so much I get micro fissures and it stings and bleeds a bit. I also pick out the dingle berries that inevitably get caught in the hairs because I go through so much toilet paper to get out the wet shit covering my cheeks and touch hole. I might start using wet wipes but I hear they ruin your plumbing even if it says "flushable".
>>687926647That sounds painful. Why don’t you start jerking off occasionally? Maybe get a therapist to help you splooge.
>>687926647>i also almost never jerk off. i think this was the first time in a month, but there are times in my life where ive gone half a year and it really hurt when i would eventually cum.Honestly kind of jealous. Longest I went was 5 weeks back when I had a gf who I was waiting for marriage with.
>>687926851>get a therapist to help you sploogewe call those hookers where i'm from
>>687926834One, eat more fibre and yogurt, two get a bidet
>>687926452>>687926647Could be an incoming bladder infection. Go get some antibiotics if your urine darkens or starts full on having blood in it too. Had it earlier this year, showed up in my cum too. Not a lot, and it kind of made it pink, but it stopped with the bloody piss after the pills too.
>>687926892Kek
>>687926834>It might be my awful diet and rampant consumption of cheap honey whiskeymight be? It's definitely that lol
>>687912856I still hold my shit whenever in public, mainly because of germs from public bathroomsCan hold it for three to five hours straight until i get home to shit on my toilet
>>687926965>and it kind of made it pinkSpeaking of, diabetics piss like, turquoise blue when they're on meds. It's the craziest shit I've ever seen.
I am a grown ass man why do these dumb fucking shit stories still crack me up so hard
this one is more of a warning to never eat at a chain called The Lizards Thicket>eat at dogshit black ran southern reasturant>food takes forever and is mediocre >starving from multi hour car ride so scarf it down anyways >later that night at around 2am>horrible sharp pain in bowls >rush to toilet>push for a good five minutes >all of the sudden a huge flood of semi solid poo comes out>feels like im shitting out a bunch of slimy alien eggs after they probed me >comes out all at once in like half a second>probably about 2 inches away from top of bowl>flush, wipe, feel like i just got an organ removed and go back to sleepi think my colon was about to pop from the sheer amount of shit held inside only other one i got my moms friends dementia ridden father taking a fat shit in her pots and pans thinking it was the toilet in the middle of the night
>>687912856Holding in shits is fucking painful I don't know how autists do it
>>687926965>>687926873>>687926851>>687926736im gonna give it two days and then jerk off again as a test, while paying attention to my piss in the meantime. god im so sick of having a body
>>687926834yes this is very much the tale of an alcoholicthins your blood so you bleed easier, smells awful because you are shitting out all that ethanol, and it gets the look and consistency of oil from dehydration and neglecting other vitaminsget a bidet so you dont have to spear yourself when wiping. or stop drinking and get some elctrolytes and vitamins and fiber
Legendary thread
I never had problems with shitting or pissing myself but i will say two things1)God bless portable game consoles, my 10 minutes long shit shifts at the very possible least would be a torment if i didn't have stuff to entretain me because good god, i shit rocks. I once shat a major turd that i feared it'd clog the bathroom2)A girl back in elementary school (5th or 6th grade, i forgot which) sitting next to me was just suffering and because my teacher was one of those cuntass teachers that'd assume you only go to the bathroom to slack off, he wouldn't let her go and it got bad to the point she was slightly peeing herself that i even asked, nay, told the teacher she actually needs to go to the bathroom she's not faking it and let her go. And i just rip at least 5 sheets of paper off my notebook to cover the little drop of pee just so she doesn't get bullied. Rumors spread anyways but they did not escalate to a point that ruined her but damn, its a miracle nobody else could smell the pee.
>>687927679and you took those papers home right?
>>687921042Doesn't work anymore because people don't feel shame for anything now.
This thread reminds me of when I was about 8 years old visiting a friend in my neighbourhood when I had to shit. It was only after I passed the growler from hell I realised there was no TP. I spent maybe 10 minutes practically screaming to get someone's attention but nobody came so I ended up using one of the hand towels they had. I then stuffed it into the bottom of the trash can so nobody could see it.
>>687913982You're. Shitting. Yourself. Poop is coming out of your fuckin' asshole. GO TO THE BATHROOM. GO!!!
>>687927764Fuck no, i disposed them ASAP but my backpack unfortunately smelled of pee so i had to wash it in secret.
>>687927679Did you get a crumb of her pussy? Or was it all for nothing?
When we potty trained my oldest we did the no diapers approach. The very first night he's running around and then bam there's just a shit on the floor. No transition, just no poop one second then a perfect log of poop the next, a real life frame skiphe turns around to see what we're looking at and then he bursts out crying, these screaming wails of fear and despair the turd might as well have been made of plastic, it left no mark on the floor or toilet paper. to this day I still don't fully know what happened
>>687928328KekShit like this (lol) makes me excited to have kids
The longest I ever held in a shit for was 15 hoursIt was also a day I went to a waterpark and at one point, I dropped down from a cliff on a raft and I was expecting to turn the water brown but somehow nothing but gas came out of my assSomeone was looking out for me that day
>>687928328I'm sorry to tell you this....but your kid sharted what we call a ghost turd. I'm an expert on this
>>687926458I still get confused when I see a video in HD with professional production values and it says "10 years ago". Anything more than a few years used to be an indication that it was from the times where everything on YouTube was amateur and better. The only improvement gaming videos have now over then is that everyone's using either capture cards or emulators for gameplay footage. Never liked having the camera pointed at a TV (though Classic Game Room did a good job recording handheld footage by doing it in an otherwise pitch black room; I preferred seeing the DS screens separated at the proper distance that way).
>>687928516When I was a kid I fucking hated shitting in bathrooms anywhere but home and I ended up getting constipated pretty bad once because of it
>>6879282631)I did not hit puberty yet at the time2)Only thing i got in return was a silent thanks because again, we were kids, we were not doing that lovely dovely shit back then. 3)I was not even friends with that girl, only reason that incident happened was just the classic ''ok class, get in groups of 2 or 3 or 4'' bullshit that only existed to piss me off and i got randomly selected to be with her and we were just focused on the class, even after the incident.4)She moved away after graduation, only thing i kept from her was a shovelware gameboy color game. I think it was a power rangers game.I mean damn nigga, i'm a bastard these days but even i know that those days were just ''kids will be kids'' nonsense, i was cringe and i'll accept that even if bad memories still haunt me. Thankfully none of them have anything to do with out-of-toilet bullshit.
>>687925265Imagine if you found a pair of your boxers stuffed in the back of your 13 year old daughter's dresser
Any other bed-pissers/former bed-pissers here? I had to wear diapers to bed until I was 13 because I completely destroyed the mattress otherwise.
What the hell is this thread?
>>687928812I was the same way but recently I've made a few exceptions for emergencies and the experiences I've had were so fucking bad they almost make me regret goingThe toilet paper is always zero-ply and there is barely any privacy given to you
>>687915253How do you know it’s shit?>Verification not required
Remember.Never hold your poop.
>thinly veiled fetish thread
my retarded golden retriever tried to dig a hole under my brothers door so there was a big hole in the carpet you could see from both sides of the door and i thought it'd be funny if i peed in it while he was in his room
>>687912856Spiritually an Indian
>>687929175Best thread of the year sadly
>>687929175The best thread I’ve seen on /v/ in years
>>687929201>>687928812You know what's bullshit?The fucking bathroom seats having those godawful cushion-y seats like god damn why? I get that hard plastic might be bad for blood circulation around the legs but god fucking damn dude, its not like taking a shit takes forever for the legs to start feeling fuzzy, taking a shit on those stupid soft bathroom seats felt so awful. But thank god that i used to be fatter, i could sit on the toilet bowl without a seat if i ran into that kind of toiletseat.
No fucking wonder most of you guys ended up on 4chan. Jesus fucking Christ I cannot BELIEVE how common it is for people on this site to have disastrous shitting habits as grown men.
>>687929739I usually shit every 3-4 days, is that weird?
>>687929739I bet you wipe standing up
>>687928020In 2020 there was a small group of us who would go to work on Saturdays so we wouldn't be in the building on the same days as the rest of our team but since the janitors would only restock at the beginning of the week we were constantly running out of toilet paper. Sometimes if we realized too late we'd text each other from the stall to get someone to steal a roll from another bathroom but there were other times I couldn't be bothered and would just squat shuffle out of the stall with my pants down to grab some paper towels to bring back to the toilet. Only did that when I knew there was only a single other guy in the building so the likelihood of getting caught was low.
If that kid was advertising his shit on 4chan, and has a shitty problem, one can only wonder if there are plenty others like him that browse 4chan as well.
>Eat a lot of spicy shit over the course of a week>One day, feel a fart incoming while sitting in bed>Gamble and lose only instead of shit there's this stream of slimy orange shit fluid flowing>Get up, clean myself up and go through the tedious process of cleaning the mattress to the best of my ability>The entire rest of the day, my ass feels wet and I'm sweating extra hard between my cheeks>No more shit but now I get frequent abdominal pains and cannot shit properly, my shit literally refuses to go out most of the time>My shit is almost always accompanied by some kind of clear mucus in my stool>Sometimes feel like there's liquid coming from my anus but if I check there's only a clear, almost odorless liquid that dries up almost instantly>Never go to a doctor or tell anybody>This has been going on for almost two years nowSomebody fucking tell me what the HELL is going on.
>>687929739oh yeah? post your colon if it's so pretty
You people are fucking disgusting.I'll keep in mind that you poopy niggers are the ones I'm arguing with every day.
>>687930041You're shitting out your mucus liner. It'll eventually lead to ulcers.
>>687930112you have invited a demon into your home
>>687930098Here you go pal https://goatse.ru/
I have a friend who only shits if he can take an immediate shower afterwards. Legit can hold in shits for days.
>>687929820I literally can't do it standing up. It just doesn't work.
>>687929201>The toilet paper is always zero-plyYeah thats the worst part It wasn't even shyness the toilets were always fucking gross and the toilet paper sucks
>>687930165Or worst, Chron's disease.
>>687929397>>687929450>missing the Dolphinz thread from earlier this yearSomeone please pull up the archive, that was as good as this website has been in probably a decade.
>>687930165Could it be exacerbated by genetic disposition? My uncle had an ulcer right before he died.
>that time i managed to hold it the entire night while sleeping once because the toilet was so badly clogged>that time i was about to piss in a dream, WAIT NO FUCK ABORT ABORT ABORT, shoot awake and go to the bathroom >that time my toilet was getting replaced and a fucking black bear walked up to about 3 feet behind me while i was pissing in the back yard
>>687929739Get the fuck out piss-sissy, this is a dookiechad thread
>>687930301Ulcers are only an issue if you keep eating spicy shit.
>take a shit in a public toilet>lands in a way that sends a drop of toilet water right up your asshole
Become the bathroom
>>687930417You can't get STDs from public toilet water, right?
>>687912856My autistic brother used to hold in his shits til they just all splattered out.
>>687930417This is why you lay a bed of toilet paper down before pooping to catch it and prevent splashes
Just wear a gaming diaper
>>687930359I've almost entirely abstained from any spicy foods since that incident, yet my gut is still all kinds of fucked up.>>687930258I really hope it isn't that. Life is already fucked up, I can't afford to worry more than I already am.
>>687930417You can prevent this by laying down some toilet paper on the surface of the water first. It's a life-changing strat that more people need to be aware of.
Yo real talk I eat a lot of spicy food (Irish white boy here) and I have NEVER felt a spicy butthole. What's with the people that do? Do you have extra sensors in you butthole? Am I missing out on some forbidden flavours?
>>687930558>>687930612well and good advise for my future if the hobo semen aids and tapeworm egg in me doesnt kill me first now
>>687930041>My shit is almost always accompanied by some kind of clear mucus in my stoolI have clear mucus at times, but mostly at the end when I shit and I sit a long time. Don't have any problem shitting tho.
>>687930594Change your diet to contain more dairy especially milk for a while.
>>687912258NUH YEH
>>687929080I pissed the bed until I was like 11/12 and finally stopped. I was sleeping too heavily with a tiny bladder. Embarrassing having your mom be like "nigga did I just catch you drinking water at night you know what happens" trying to prevent it
>>687930719if i eat a fuck ton of spicy stuff or just don't eat anything but very spicy food that day i get the sisyshitsalso i think some people have anal fissures and/or hemorrhoids
>>687930719i think it varies by the specific food i poured all the chili flake things in a serving of panda express kung pow chicken and it kicked by fucking ass while eating it but the next day there was no fire shits but a bo chicken sandwhich which was way less spicy set it ablaze the next day
>>687923967>I did piss in my bed one time 5 years ago and I felt very ashamed as an adult.for some bizzare reason i've also pissed myself in my sleep a couple of times over the years and i'm 33, don't think you're the only one anon
I rarely drink water because I need to piss it out so fast after drinking it's just too bothersome. Anyone else having this?>>687923967I've done it once in my 29 not counting being a kid of course. I think it's somewhat normal that it can happen like once or so.
>in 1st grade>classroom is sorted into tables with 3-4 children at each>feel then need to pee>stay seated and pull out my penis>piss all over the floori was pretty shy as a kid, so i was probably afraid of talking to the teacher>>687930329>>that time i was about to piss in a dream, WAIT NO FUCK ABORT ABORT ABORT, shoot awake and go to the bathroomstill get these pretty damned oftenonly once did i actually piss the bed and it was after a night of drinkingbuddy of mine used to just get up and sleepwalk-piss on all kinds of shit when he was drunk
>>687912258not yet
>>687930781I sit down for long periods of time so maybe there's a correlation there but my shits have to be forced out with herculean effort and even when I finish, I feel like there's still more inside.>>687930792Okay, I already love dairy products but I haven't really been eating or drinking much these past years.Might even just bite the bullet and get a colonoscopy to see where this shit's going.
>4th grade field trip to see The Wizard of Oz on broadway>Teacher wouldn’t let me go to the bathroom>Eventually couldn’t hold it any longer and just left the theater anyway>Shit my pants while running to the restroom>shake shit log onto the floor>Cleaning myself in the stall when a pack of ghetto black kids from another school barge into the restroom >AYO WHO LET A DOG IN HERE>panic.jpgTo be continued
>>68792482140 year old here, I shit my pants thinking it is a fart all the time.
>"Teacher can I go to the bathroom">"I don't know, can you!?">Stands up and pisses
>>687931087I still have lots of dreams where I piss somewhere like in a toilet or sink, and it gets full but I just keep pissing and pissing.Only once pissed myself in bed as an adult tho even if I have these dreams quite often.
>>687931254
Anyone ever have a fart that was more than a fart? During my first year of college I woke up and went to the bathroom for my morning pee like usual. Sometimes when I'm peeing I rip a couple of farts. However this one time I'm peeing and let one rip which ends up being more than a fart and I shit myself. I was genuinely in shock. It completely snuck up on me. Thankfully no one was around but I sometimes wonder about how I had no idea it wasn't just a fart.
>>687931196>Eventually muster up the courage to go back to the auditorium>Hear an increasing number of sniffs and murmurs from my peripheral >Teacher taps me on the shoulder and makes me sit the rest of the play outside>Forced to sit at the front of the bus on the way back to school, causing my shit stench to blow into everyone behind meMy teacher was genuinely retarded.
>>687930719I only get spicy shits with asian food for whatever reason
>>687931364Yeah, I was kind of sick and was hungry so I was eating a little bit of a Chipotle bowl I got before and pushed out a little fart. However it turned out to be a shart and I shit on myself for the first time since I was a kid
>>687931150drink kombucha, a few sips solves any shitting problem
>>687912856Lmao this isn't that unusual for kids to do I did the same thing but not to the point of shit leaking out my ass that's hilarious
>>687931364I usually catch those at the absolute last second but there have been a couple of times where one just barely squirted out hell ill check if any came out sometimes after a particularly warm one
>>687931254Literally me in 1st grade, lmao. That woman hated me so much that she literally ignored me when I was stabbed in the hand with a pencil. I spent all day with a bloody arm. My Mom drove me back after I got home and almost beat the shit out of her and the principal.Coincidentally, I went back there after like 20 years to pick up some keys because I was house-sitting for another teacher (family friend), and I happened to pass by the same class after hours. I peeked in to see her sitting there, somehow looking even more depressed, aged 40 years, and apparently still stuck teaching the same 1st grade class. Somehow I couldn't help but feel a bit responsible, so I snuck off before she noticed me because I thought she might attack me
>>687931059Just water? Water always did run through me faster than anything else.
>>687931360Responses like this only make me terrified of gen alphas man, i fear for my life knowing ipad kids might be going to the gym as early as 10 years old and then they'll start getting ripped that by age 13, they'll fucking mog me and will do that ''piss on the floor' sigma shit while posing and flexing their muscles all over the teacher until they have a mental breakdown.
>>687912258It's genuinely hillarious that this kid is single handledly the only thing that makes people remember there was a third Mafia entry.
>trying to hold in a massive shit during PE class>we were going outside that day and I was too autistic to just ask to go to the bathroom>also have to run a mile>doesn't go well because I'm literally trying not to shit myself so I'm just walking the entire way>the teacher apparently thought I sprained my foot or something>still shat myself but nobody noticed and I got rid of my underwear in the bathroom latercould have gone a lot worse
I wonder how many girls have shit themselves but are too embarrassed to admit it. You think it's a common thing?
>>687932898they have period mishaps which are almost as disgusting
>>687932572Water, coffee and sometimes energy drinks runs straight through me. It's annoying
>>687932898That’s literally all female stand up is.
>>687929080Yeah I also pissed the bed until way late. I forgot the exact age.
>>687912856sounds like you may be gay or just want to get pegged(which is pretty gay)
>>687930112Feel free to leave anytime, retard
>>687917098forget it, those sars will never understand, it's natural for them.
>>687932898I've heard stories and they're pretty much the same as what you're reading here. >>687933123Yeah living with a woman you get used to these. Even with regularly replaced pads and special period boxer brief type things they'll end up with bloody sheets from time to time. Even had to scrub it out of the white upholstery in my car at least once. Made me extra pissed that Honda doesn't offer leather seats anymore.
>>687915253GOTTA GET SCHWIFTY
>>687933330Not gay
>>687933645Make me bitch
>>687912856You got raped dude, kids doing weird things related to shit is the biggest red flag of rape related trauma.
>>687933981>bitches and whines>UH I WILL STAY HERE ANYWAY LIKE A GOOD cuck...Ok cuck.
I can count my shit incidents with one hand>that time i literally shat myself in fear when dad crashed his car>when i went to the bathroom in elementary school, but forgot to pull down my trousers before shitting>when i had food poisoning>trying to take a fart but end up sharting myself>shitting the bed after that time i nearly gave myself alcohol poisoningThe piss incidents however, well i have a special bed cover i always use before touching alcohol, and always remember to either not sleep or sleep naked in the shower if im at someone elses house
>>687932898I run a hostel and once, the bed sheets were full of period blood. It was like the bitch had her period in the middle of the night.
I once had a minor crash on my bike with a car when I was a teen and after that I pissed blood for like a month and randomly had ejaculations(I think) with blood. Then I just recovered. I even told my dad this but we never saw a doctor or something.
I once had a shit so bad i was actually sobbing. Like i had no thoughts in my head to make me sad, no depression or nothing but holy fuck i had spent an hour shitting actual rocks and i felt pure agonizing pain that by the time i was done and tried to stand up, my legs were shaking and i collapsed on the floor, i was trembling and twitching
>>687932898When I was in first grade one of the girls shit herself in class because the teacher wouldn't let her go to the toilet (the classroom had its own toilet, she didn't even need a hall pass to go down the hall or anything)
Ok but how do you deal with after drip when taking a piss? Non of the "techniques" everyone suggests work.
>>687912258this is mafia 3's legacy
>>687931196>>687931425Brutality.Utter humaltion.
Not yet
I dont wet myself but i have these random stretches for days at a time where ill cum my pants in my sleep 80% of nights for a week, then go back to not doing that for a month or so. Its legit like one week a month is just cum week. I dont jerk off so i assume its like, built up cum but i actually asked my goddamn doctor about it and he said thats not how it works.
Now is not the time to shit, mother. That comes later.
>>687935351That's exactly how it works, your doctor is a retard who has no idea what wet dreams/nocturnal emissions are.
>>687912856>be me>january 2024>have been lactose intolerant since the end of highschool>a bit annoying, but it will not stop me from eating cheese and pidzer and MACnCHEESE>week has been okay with food. Not eaten too much dairy, but little each day adds up>go hang out with my cousin>we eat some chick-fil-a>specifically with a side of da mac'n'ese>best thing on the menu>best thing around>omw home after chillin>start to feel a rumbly in my tumbly>not too bad, but I gotta get home soon>about 5m away from home I get another rumble>no worries, I'm almost home>get home>now begins a series of little mistakes that compound into my greatest failure and lowest moment in life>oh, let me put away my coat>oh, let me take off my ring and necklace>oh, I should take my wallet out of my pocket>in the middle of my room, the rumbling has returned>oh, let me take off my watch, I don't wanna poo with that on>oh, let me put my hoodie away>I'm almost prarie dogging at this point>oh, let me take off my gun and holster and put it away>oh, no>as I'm tossing my phone onto my shelf, I begin to shit myself>poop is coming out of my asshole and I am nowhere near the toilet>I waddlesprint to the bathroom, inching closer to my demise>up the lid, down my pants>my final mistake, lowering my pants while faced 90 degrees away from the toilet>as soon as the buttcheeks were exposed a deluge of chocolatey goodness evicted itself from my bowels
>>687935208you could always rinse ur pp off in the sinkgetting water on your hand and scrubbing the rubbish off ur ppthat's what I do after I coom
>>687935208>run your thumb and index finger under the faucet>wet the tip of your cock once you're done pissingIt's literally that easy.
>>687935537>*PLOOP*>that was the sound the first round of artillery made as it dropped directly onto the floor, directly onto my bathroom rug>the second round, now turned to face the proper direction, landed squarely at 11 O'clock on the toilet seat>I think out of all the shit that was in my colon, less than a third of it went into the toilet water>I sat, not realizing the damage zone of the second blast, smearing shit all over my right cheek. Another mistake.>next, I moved my foot, as it was in an uncomfortable position and planted it directly in a third, previously unknown pile of dookie, which was obstructed by the angle of my leg. The ghost pile. Another mistake>the sock was, needless to say, tossed into the garbage bin immediately>it appears that the first fall had split, midair, mind you, into two separate dark-matter bombs>throughout all of this, the rest of my clothes remained surprisingly clean. Other than the sock, I only had a little dab of poopoo on the bottom of my pant leg>to summarize up until now, floor- shitted on, rug- beyond hope of salvation, asscheek- smeared in shit, sock- defiled, pants- miraculously evaded most damage, my soul and psyche- irreparably damaged, toilet bowl- empty>I sat in my filth like a pig; An absolutle swine; And couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculous situation. This was truly one of the moments of my life>it was far from over, by the way>once I deemed my colon sufficiently empty, I began the clean up>I grabbed toilet paper and tried to scoop up the first pile and ghost pile>the wonderful taste of Mac'n'Cheese was still in my mouth by this time btw
>>687935589>anywho, as I was squatted down, scooping the dookie into the watery grave, I did not realize that I had made yet another mistake>I did not clean my ass of shit before the clean up, as I thought the large damage zones would be more pressing>this means that while I was squatted down like an indian, little droplets of shit would pepper the floor in previously undamaged areas>I only realized this after it was too late>eventually, the majority of shit was cleared off the rug, but it still seeped into it, so i knew it was a lost cause>I cleaned the toilet seat. I scrubbed the rug with a dozen clorox wipes. I got in the shower to cleanse my soul of the damage I'd done>after the water stopped running, the smell was unreal>stepping out of the shower and into the miasma of my failures was like passing through an oblivion gate>I tactfully hopped over the damage zones, opened the window as wide as it goes, and left the door to my bathroom closed the rest of the day>I did not want anyone to know of this event, so I waited for my parents to go to work in the morning before I threw away the rug and deepcleaned the floor with chemicals, and left the window open again(middle of jan btw, so it was super cold) go complete wipe the smell>when my parents asked me why I didn't wait till I had gotten a new rug in before throwing away the old one, I just responded with "wasn't thinking lol"all in all, I'm not too upset about the situation. I got scwifty and it made for a good story to tell 4chan. I can look back and laugh at my retardation and I needed a new rug anyways since that one was old and damaged already (not from shit)I'll never tell someone irl that this happened though, and hopefully it will never happen again. I was watching fishtank s2 when this happened btw. I blame Jet Neptune.
>>687934909That sounds like it shouldn't even crack the top 20 of worst things to happen while running a hostel. What part of what country are you running this thing where that's even worth remembering?
>>687923227post quads
>>687924414my dog knows not to poop in the house so at the very least he's less retarded than the retards in these stories
One time at a friend's house we were playing the new Spiderman game that came out for the Playstation 2 that day, it was a massive game, super popular at the time, my friend would not stop playing it, he knew as soon as he put the controller down I'd pick up right there to keep doing missionsArpunf 2 in the morning, He ended up pissing his pants instead of go to the bathroom, just to avoid having to stop playing, I still bring it up and laugh 20 years later, were best mates but man what an autistic piece of shit lmao
>>687935679The thing I run is protected from retards stealing or breaking things by some insurance. This is why these events are the worst that happens here, fortunately nobody has done anything since if they did, all I have to do is send pictures to the page that made the reservation and they will impose a fine on them, that's why nobody has done bullshit.
>>687935208Shake it more, jerk off lesshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6AAodXRrD30
>>687935390He literally said i should watch less porn before bed to my face, i dont even watch porn, i think vaginas are gross.
>>687916692He did it ion purpose to mog you
>>687935826kek
>>687926138Jesus I didn't remember this video at all but it's already in my likes.YOU SAID YOU'D GET ME A DRINK AND YOU LIED!
>>687935352You can't say that whilst shitting
>>687912962What a fucking retard. There's an art too fermenting feces and it's not crapping your pants. Best thing to do is to shit in a jar, seal it, and store it in a dark and humid area. I personal store my shit jars in my closet with a humidifier running in it and I make sure to label each jar with the date of the shit as well as what I had eaten within a 24 your hour period. Closet stays closed at all times as well except for when I'm either storing or retrieving a jar which I do as quickly as possible.
>>687912258Because he's a grown man nobody has to tell him when to go>Eww but your pooping yourselfShe had no proof unless he was naked and saw shit literally coming out of his anus She just probably smelled my farts and went into a retarded argument for no reason while streaming and embarrassing him
>>687912258He was in the middle of a hot gaming sesh. What would you have done?
>>687912258He was playing the biggest pile of shit at the time.
>be me in school drama class>we're rehearsing for a play at the end of the school year, have a random side part>night of the main show, auditorium is packed with friends and family>kid with role of main character is a no-show. drama teacher chooses me to 'stand in' for his character despite knowing none of his lines>start getting nervous. normally ok with being on stage but now going to have to stand there like a retard while others talk to me>during the opening sequence, realise how fucking retarded im going to look in front of literally every classmate and their families>poop a little nugget into my undies>spend the remainder of the performance standing there on stage not saying anything with a bit of poop in my pants>play ends, go to bathroom and clean up>now have crippling stage fright and anxiety for life>mfw
>>687929080i stopped sleeping during the nap time in kindergarten because of that
>>687936902your teacher was a dumbass
Posting a true classic.
>>687925662Anyone have the greentext of the guy who shit in his bully's backpack?
>>687921775yeah I've had to do that before. The smell doesn't come out of your hand for days no matter how much you wash it.
>>687912258this one always bothered me>I can see shit coming out of your assholehow? is he playing naked while squatting? how could she see otherwise?
>>687937374Another good one
>>687930262Here you go:https://arch.b4k.co/v/thread/670939075/https://arch.b4k.co/v/thread/670966602/
>>687927213>>687926965>>687926647update, no blood in my urine
>>687912856It’s not really embrassing to tell a story during your kid/teen years. We all do retarded shit, it’s only embarrassing in your adult years.When I was 19 I had my first landscaping jobs. The night prior for my first day, my brother cooked some apparently fucked up bacon, don’t ask why. I had a few strips assuming there was nothing and I went to bed. I wake up where my first day I needed to meet them at the coffee shop at 730am. And I was shitting my guts out until the time I needed to make the 15 minute drive. I didn’t want to call in sick because it was my first day and that never looks good. So I thought I got it out, by the time I left, but during the drive I was clenching for my life and… surprisingly I made it. I saw them in the window got out of my car and walked towards them.I then had everything at once spew diarrhea like never before all down my underwear, down my pant leg. I walked in and had to go to the bathroom and desperately cleaned my pants and underwear as much as I could with shitty fast food restaurant soap as fast as I could since they’re waiting for me. Think it was like 8 minutes which was still too long and then we finally went off to the site. Ultimately I underperformed that day where my dad even heard about it, but I could never tell anyone that I worked an 10 hour shift with one 15 minute break, with lingering pieces of shit and shit stains the entire time. I had a fucking ass rash and a half for the next few days or so. They said I underperformed, but I know my work ethic was true, blue and brown that day. Either way I realized landscaping sucks anyway and moved on.
>>687932898You don't wanna know.
>>687919673lmao its like the smug pepe taking a huge shit in front of the janny/wagie wojak
>>687912856>all these replies>all this autismbros.. I'm at that point in life where I'm thinking about having children of my own... how can I protect them from being this autistic?
>>687912856I used to hold my shits in too because the bathrooms were filthy. Never had any leakage, though one day it was so bad, I made it through three quarters of the day before I gave up and forced myself to use the bathroom
>>687938741You can't, it's all a part of the process of growing up. All kids have to deal with this when they begin to develop actual self awareness and reflect consciously on biological functions of their body. The most you can do is correct abnormal behaviors like autists that hold their shit in to the point that it starts falling out of them which is just ridiculous.
>>687938127Thank you so much for this. I meant to make a screencap but never got around to it. Went to my local game store shortly after and asked for both Petz Dolphinz games in honor of it. You have no idea how many dolphin themed games there are on DS; however many you think it is, I assure you there are more.
When I was little I couldn’t hold my pee in very well and during the end of year tests you weren’t allowed to use the bathroom until after an hour break so I would look around the room to make sure everyone was focused on their tests before unzipping my pants and pissing inside the desk a little to relieve some pressure.
>>687912856Please take a shit when it callsNothing worse than holding it in and then you have to literally shit bricks out because you backed yourself up.Please, life is suffering enough
>>687939558during break time after an hour*
>>687936628>She just probably smelled my farts>my
>>687912856Fuck you for reminding me of my childhood.
>>687939330You're very welcome.I remember the avalanche of shovelware the DS & Wii generated - I can imagine the amount of something as the niche sounding as dolphin themed games would be beyond my wildest dreams.Glad old OP got his waifu glorified though.
>>687930417>sit down on public toilet to take a shit>forget to cup my balls>they drop into the toilet water like they're bobbling for apples
>>687939560not yet...
>>687912856lol i used to do this too but it was never leaking out of my ass... it was pretty comfy though and it made the shit feel slightly more satisfying at the end
>>687912823Kek
>>687929080I thought I was pissing the bed and I kinda was but it was actually me having wet dreams and then leaking piss after I ejaculated. Stopped when I staryed masturbating daily
>>687938741 Do not cut your child’s foreskin off. Please whatever you do don’t.
>>687912856I used to shit myself in public, but basically nothing would come out. If you clench your asscheeks closed and sit on your legs when the "time to shit" hits, it doesn't come out.I was scared of shitting because a crappy diet gave me constipation, so shitting hurt and I avoided it. I want to say I did that shit for years, I was a teenager before my mom got sick of the skidmarks and took me to a doctor, he gave me some stool softener, shitting became less painful, so I stopped dry heaving my shits. Even now I only shit like once a week, though. I don't understand people who shit daily.
>be 24>mom invites her friend with her daughter to my birthday>me and the daughter go to the same university and she is probably the only girl i spoke more than a few words to>needless to say i really like her>mom gets drunk real quick>starts laughing and telling everyone how i shat myself when i was 2, smeared and ate the shit>the guests just leave and have been avoiding us since
I don't know why but this thread brought up an awful memory of a time I was sick as fuck when I was a 7-8 year old kid.>wake up one morning feeling like absolute shit>sweating like the fat neighbor that just walked out to get his mail>stomach feels like dad is beating it with his belt>also realize I'm going to start vomiting. Run to the bathroom to do so>mom sees me and realizes something is up then follows to make sure I'm okay>I am not okay>the moment I start puking the force it puts on my stomach causes another realization>I need to shit>bad>begin taking off pants to do so. Can tell this is nothing like anything I've shit before>alas the toilet is already occupied with my face. Which is ejecting last nights pasta dinner>try to hurry the vomiting along so I can begin the shitting>however my young body is unable to handle holding the other half of dinner inside my guts much longer>I struggle to contain the brown torrent for just a moment longer so I can ensure the only mess made is contained within the porcelain bowl>though this struggle is in vain. As the great dam brakes and a liquid jet stream ejects from my ass into the wall behind me>I feel it everywhere, it bounces of the wall onto my legs, feet, cheeks>It does not stop, a never ending flood of suffering that just keeps going>only then do I realize my poor mother has been watching this event unfold in front of her from the start>I then also realize that my vomiting has finally stopped>"oh finally" I think "now I can poo in the toilet">my mother also realizes what I am about to do>"DON'T FUCKING TURN AROUND" I hear yelled from the sidelines of my current battle1/2
>>687941176>"what does she mean by this?" I think. As I begin to stand and turn to plant my pained and burning behind upon the throne>as I do so, my ass rotates around pointing towards the bathtub to the left of me as it falls upon the toilet>during this movement. The unending fire hose of shit that was my ass just kept letting lose>I then realized what she had meant as I now see a horrid modern art gallery of brown stretching from a great splatter on the floor and base of the wall in front of me>that then continues all across to the right of me, all over the nice shower curtains and bathtub. going across the floor and up the side of the throne I have taken.>it is to late to show remorse. As I continue to shit out the dark spirit that has possessed my colon>meanwhile I hear nothing but the furious rage of a single mother from the doorway to my left>after a good ten minutes of this the floodgates finally close and I try to compose myself>mom rips my clothes off and yells for me to go clean myself in her bathroom>after doing so I return to see her trying desperately to wash the horrid shitstorm I have wrought on my own bathroom>want to off some sort of help or apology. Butt genuinely have no strength or energy to say anything>return to my bed and pass out for the rest of the day>next time I wake up and see her in the living room, she never mentions what had happened and neither do I.>completely discard the memory for the next 20 years until nowHonestly I feel really bad for her now that I remember this but I don't think there is or could be anything to make up for that. I'm just glad I turned to shit all over the tub instead of turning the other way and shitting all over mom instead. Think I'm going to give her a call and tell her that how much I appreciate her lmao.
>>687924841I also had like "wank boxers" that I used when I first started masturbating because I was scared as fuck of seeing my glans getting over foreskin. I had to learn my own fucking anatomy by myself.
>>687935649I thank you for your service, this made me laugh
>>687941176>>687941271That's a good one anon, and the world would be better with more parents like your mom. Reminds me of a story I heard a decade ago that was either a high school friend or a greentext. Whoever it was they had diarrhea and while sitting on the toilet realized they had to vomit. The bathtub was close enough to the toilet that he tried to lean over it to throw up, but this made him slip off the toilet so he ended up lying on the floor spewing out both ends simultaneously.
>>687941536Holy fuck, are you me? I used to rub my flaccid peepee through my underwear because I thought touching it was filthy even though I was well aware of the concept of masturbation.
>>687941536Im sorry what? What is a glans, is part of your dick supposed to come out of your foreskin???
>>687942049I remember when I was playing naked in a tub of water outside as a very small kid, I made my pecker come out of the foreskin and I was so fucking terrified I never did it again.
>>687941536>>687941920>>687924841>tfw literally methis thread is too dangerous for my sanity i wonder what sort of hideous secret i buried deep under will anon force me to remember now.
>>687942180Christ, i did not know that was a thing you could do without tearing it.
When I was a baby, apparently I left a trail of little shit balls along the floor or something, and the baby of my mom's friend followed along later and ate them like reeses pieces. This is my mom's favorite story, for some reason.Also one time I was a teenager watching a movie, and I guess I had bad guts or something because I went to fart and I had a monster wet shit in my pants. Had to throw that shit in the garbage after washing most of the shit out of them, there was no saving them. Luckily it was the middle of the night, so I could go up and find new pants without anyone noticing, and the trash can always smelt like shit anyway so nobody noticed.
>>687942049>>687942265Buddy, you have phimosis. Have you never seen another penis before or something?
>>687942340Unironically i have only ever seen dicks in hentai and they dont really look anything like mine but i mean its hentai. You are seriously telling me the foreskin is supposed to roll up and reveal the inner dick?
>>687941176>>687941271You should call her and ask her if she remembers that time lolPost the results
When I was around 8, whenever I pooped, I used to just shoot the pee out and hit the wall in front of the toilet and let it hit the floor heaters. That went on for years until I stopped. Then one day my uncle was fixing it and just said it smelled like piss and I thought he knew I did it.
>>687927679Lucky anon, that's my fetish
>>687942414Yes. I also have phimosis and dicks have the foreskin rolled off in porn for a reason, retard.
>>687942606Man i dont watch porn with dicks in it im sorry, ive legit never seen another mans dick besides my dads once and like one or two popup ads i wasnt paying attention to
>>687942414>>687942340Haha solving actual medical issues in here that’s hilarious
>>687942684>I don't watch porn with dicksSo you are a troon because all you watch is lesbians
>>687930417
>>687912856what?
>>687942751Poseidon's gift
>>687942751>Anon takes our shit thread back in time
Am I the only one who didn't shit himself??
>>687942983Yet
>>687942414>they dont really look anything like mineThis didn't tip you off?Phimosis can be fixed with steroid creams and stretching. If you wind up pulling the foreskin down and it gets stuck, it's a medical emergency and you have to go to the ER to get it cut to relieve the pressure. WHATEVER you do, insist on not being circumcised. There is no medical benefit whatsoever, and there are a dozen other ways to surgically fix a foreskin, find a doctor who isn't a kike.
>>687942983WellYou want to fit in, right? You know what has to be done.
>>687930417>Wonder how the fuck do people ever manage to take a shit so huge the splash hits their buttchecks>Visit america this july>The water level inside the toilets is insanely highWhy the fuck do you have that much water in your toilets?
>>687912856I have no words.And you guys make fun of Indians for the same kind of disgusting shit?
>>687919673CLEAN IT UP JAN JAN
>>687943373>chad_yes.tiff
>>687943126I’ve never even seen what my dick looks like under the foreskin, the very limited flesh I can see is so ridiculously senisitve im almost afraid to expose it to air. Damn, i did not expect to learn my dick was wrong in a /v/ thread, its the only dick ive ever known, i dont even know if i want to treat it, i dont want a different dick…
>a 2007 /b/ thread in 2024
>>687943373your adults do what our retarded children do. this is the hill youve chosen to die on, rakesh?
>>687943456You're missing out on about 50% of the pleasure of jerking off.
>>687943531>what our retarded children doFrom reading the stories on this thread, it seems it aint only retarded children but also grown ass adults shitting themselves...
>>687943373No one here has talked about voluntarily getting in a conga line to shit on the street or throw it at each other yet, we're still winning. Scared kids and health accidents so far.
>>687943973The is a massive difference between shitting youself by mistake or having an accident vs. Doing it on purpose because it's your cultureIt's not comparable
>>687943456phimosis is only a problem if it causes pain when you're erect.. I have it myself and don't pull the foreskin back when I jerk it.. but it has occasionally pulled back on its own during sex .. I guess all the natural lubrication helps.. but even then it can cause discomfort sometimes.. yeah the head is extremely sensitive to air/touch, which is normal to an extent because the only things that should be touching it are tongues/lips/vaginas, which are also very sensitive/soft/lubricated things
>>687944089Bro just go to the bathroom and shitIt aint that difficult not shitting yourself
>>687915074>>687915594lol dis nigga cums from stimulating his prostate with shit
>>687943456Wait til you learn about smegma
>>687943185>Why the fuck do you have that much water in your toilets?because messy goyslop shits stain the toilet a lot more without the water there
>>687943481>Yes, I wish that.>Ok bye father I'm going to get all the men under my command pointlessly killed because I'm sad that you don't love me :(Why was Faramir so emo?
>>687912856based
>>687912258Thread theme : https://youtu.be/Hy8kmNEo1i8?si=SD_LRjOL39M558rF
>ctrl f + "shit">265 results
>>687944270I love my goyslop shits though. I like when I take a messy shit that basically shotgun blasts gelatinous bits of crap all over the interior of the toilet so hard they stick to the inside of the bowel and require furious scrubbing to get off. My goal in life is to take a vacation to Europe and absolutely ruin some Europoor's business and laugh at them screaming at me in their silly native language.
>>687920374gtfo normalfag
>>687944540Niggers are the color of shit.
>>687925701Holy kek
>>687943753>>687944164I have never jerked off, ive only ever came in my sleep, it doesnt hurt when im hard, but i guess i now have no idea if it would work properly in a vagina
>>687944627>My goal in life is to take a vacation to Europe and absolutely ruin some Europoor's business and laugh at them screaming at me in their silly native language.KEK
>>687912856for me relaxing and tensing over and over felt good, like i was somehow rubbing my own prostate from inside my own ass with my own shit. eventually i moved to timing my jerk off sessions to when i needed to shit soon and sorta edging myself off. nutting while dropping the biggest shit in the world is a godly sensation. i still ruined a good number of pairs of underwear doing this.i grew out of it and am mostly normal, i just look at weird porn, so lucky me i guess.
Why are literal shit threads on /v/ always the funniest and most civilised?It's actually fucking hilarious if you think about it
>>687944459His father's lack of hope was infectious
>>687944906Because /b/ isn't allowed to be random anymore
>>687944540shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit
>>687944906off-topic threads are usually the best on /v/
>>687935208Wipe, retard. Roasties have done so for ages, why can't you?
>>687938741Don't listen to that other retard. You can by being there for your kids and explaining them in sheer detail WHY you should SHIT IN THE TOILET when they FEEL THE SHIT COMING DOWN.If you read the other replies, often there was a mother involved in those stories. Just train your kid, damn it.
>>687944004>or throw it at each other yetGuy who posted about shitting his PJs and swinging it around like a flail makes your point moot, ALTHOUGHBEIT.
>>687935537>>687935589>>687935649I love 4chan.
>>687912258
>>687925701>so bad they were announcing it across the entire school and you kept doing itlmao. so do you think they "knew" but couldnt prove it, or didnt know at all and just your mother? some poor janitors life was fucking hell for a while because of your jerkassery
>>687943389>dog is a centaur
>>687938741>>687912856if it's any consolation, i just grew out of itjust spitballing, since this seems more common than you'd expect, might have to be that shitting is the first self-regulating task that we expect kids to do that is neither trivial nor immediately enjoyable to perform, and kids brains develop at weird paceshungry? ask mom/dad for a snack and eat itthirsty? ask for some water/juice and drink ithave to piss (as a boy)? takes 2 seconds and you can only really hold piss for a short while before it becomes severely uncomfortablehave to shit, though? have to find an acceptable facility, touch your bare ass to a perhaps public toilet, shit, might be trouble if your diet is tendies and fries to the point of exclusion since you have the palate of a child, then wipe for a variable length of time, hope you didnt fuck up using too much tp that the weak 1950s toilet wont clog (or too little and enjoy ripping through with your finger and touching gross)you can also hold in shit for a while and it's not acutely uncomfortable, so long as you dont have like food poisoningfor kids, the 'i can't just shit any time i have the urge' bit usually gets in quickestif the 'i understand how to operate a toilet' bit gets in (easy) before the 'i can put bodily urges on hold if i don't want to address them right this moment' bit (medium) before the 'i can't actually put off tasks forever' (hard) bit, you've got a problemyou end up in a situation where the immediate relief of doing the deed is never greater than the discomfort involved, and you just keep holding in until the point of failure, at which point you so obviously have tomaybe it correlates with autism in that the second bit gets something like '+5 research speed from the Autism perk'also meanwhile your parents and maybe you are properly bewildered that yes you solved this problem and now it's a problem again, wtf is going on, so now there's a spotlight on it
>>687922638Dude's probably in his 30s, not 80s.
>>687923512>from the touhou threadNah, the stench was from there.
>>687930973I have not once, but dozens of times, had dreams of pissing, followed by waking up with a full bladder, but NEVER actually pissed myself.These days, if I have the mildest lower abdomen pain or dream about pissing, my body goes "yup, time to go to the bathroom" and I automatically wake up.I still jizz myself in my sleep.
>>687925116>>687924919>FATHER GET OUT>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omn_9rJC_60 blaring in the background
>>687922546a couple years ago I was at an antique store and I felt it coming, it was like getting bit by a venomous snake where it snaps so suddenly and then gets really bad really fast. one second I'm looking at a fucking wooden carving of a laughing indian, and the sensation hits me. my gut started getting sore, and in a matter of 10 or so seconds I realized there was no bathroom and made my way outside and leaned on a wall trying to glue my asshole together with all my strength. it wasn't enough and I filled my pants with one of the worst half-liquid shits I've ever had in my life. then I had to take a 20-minute walk home, in defeat and disgrace. I tried my best to avoid people as much as possible but I think they saw. I showered for 2 hours straight, never felt so ashamed and disgusted with myself. anyways that was one of the worst moments of my life
>>687925662>Hugo takes off his head and reveals himself as a black man. He pukes on the floor.
Hey guys I wipe blood off my asshole every time I take a hard shit (this happens at least 1-2 times a week minimum) and sometimes a little mucus too. Should I be worried or is it just a hemorrhoid? The blood isn't in my actual shit, it's not stained or anything. This has been happening for 6 months btw
>>687948532do you sit a lot? you probably have hemorroidsnothing to worry about, just find softer toilet paper
>>687930417I had to take a shit in an airport bathroom one time and on top of the shit splashing water into my asshole, the mongoloid in the stall next to me managed to clog the toilet to the point of overflowing it and his rancid brown-yellow shitwater was getting on the floor and trailing under the wall in my stall.. I had to take the fetal position and finish my shit and wipe like a gargoyle.
>>687948532smear your butthole with some vasoline before you shit next time. dig in a little so its coated on the inner rim. bonus, the vaso acts as a protective layer so if you have a messy shit its easier to clean wipe up. work smarter, not harder.
>took the biggest feeling shit in the world, felt like i waited forever and then gave birth to half my body weight>sounded like a 40 ton anchor hitting the surface of concrete at the depth of paper>wiped, found nothing>looked in the bowel and found nothing in it eitherstill spooks me to this day, what happened to the ghost poop
>>687949072well obviously the bowel would be empty after that
>>687932898I got a co-worker to piss herself laughing too hard. If they're comfortable around you, you'll learn all sorts of shit you'll never want to hear again.
When I was a teen I used to shit every 2 weeks, cause I didnt like shitting and just held it in. When I then shat, I used to shit out these massive 30cm solid dung dildos that I then had to break in half with toilet paper cuz it wouldnt flush otherwise. And damn did my ass bleed after that. Used to stuff toilet paper between my ass cheeks like they are a tampon.Now Im old and I have to poop every 3 days. But damn did it feel good and empty after I shat out these 1kg bricks. Women dont know the pain of birthing a dung baby like I do.
>>687926527Where did the time go?
i often hold my shits in when im gaming but ive never let loose in my pants
>>687949110i hadnt flushed bro
>>687912856>this post>this entire threadwhat the fuck man
>>687920545You probably watched too many canadian cartoons.
>>687921712>>687921980It's not worth the hassle. I've tried and most of the time it ended up with the cum just half assedly oozing out, and running the whole thing. Like your body knows it should feel good but fucks it up too early No proper release.Except one time, that one time had me fucking gasping and shaking all over. But you have to deal with cleaning shit off your toy, or at least poopy condoms. So I threw it away after not being able to replicate it.
>>687938741autism is becoming a genetic normalityyou cannot stop it
>>687948532Just go to the doctor and let them finger you for a bit. Just in case. If it's hemorrhoids you'll get some medicine.
>>687915981hold on.
>>687950028>>687921712its always a mix of this. either people love it and it changes their life or its "better" but not really worth the effort. i feel cheated, i feel like im always finding out im in the "better but not worth the effort" part of the population of everything fun.. its never worth the clean up where your putting shameful things away and reflecting on what you just did.
>>687949072I ate it, thanks for the snack bro.
>>687920782Can't disagree with that, with low functional ones. They're barely living as is anyway.
I’ve been almost crying laughing off and on for hours now checking this thread
>>687926834Yeah it's probably the whiskeydon't ever flush wipes
nnnnggh...not yet...
Instead of hysterical yelling like the one in the vid, my mom just told me if I hold in my shit I would die of painful intestinal obstruction when I was little so I never did it to this day
>>687948763Nightmarish. I only hope that that guy was haunted by the embarrassing memory of sending a shitflood to a passerby at the airport.
>>687912856Dude just go to the bathroom you're shitting yourself!
>>687951519Could this have saved poor Demetrius from turning into a laughingstock? He's clearly autistic so there's no way that wouldn't resonate with him somehow.
>>687926834Flushable wipes don't ruin your plumbing unless you have a septic tank. They DO however make big disgusting blobs in the sewer system that sanitation workers have to clear out constantly, but that's a big NMP.Also buy better toilet paper, it's worth it.
>>687951762I mean that's kind of ruining your pipes if it's close enough to your home
>this fucking thread
>>687951832It's not though. They go through your pipes just fine. It's where they end up after that becomes a problem.
>>687912856Unacceptable that so many people have experienced this here
By the way, what the fuck am I supposed to do about swamp ass apart from not being fat? I thoroughly wipe and wash my asshole, but invariably any time I sweat the sweat ends up mixing with tiny bits of shit.
>>687920884The male G-spot is in the anus about an average penis length deep. Big enough shits will stimulate it.
Mods should move this to another board. And once it hits page 10 there, move it to another board and so on. And only once it has reached 1000 posts months or years later, send it back to /v/ where it will finally archive. This will be the website's poop capsule. A safe haven for anons of all hobbies and walks of life to lay their shitty pasts to rest.
>>687952550Ancient graffiti found in Pompeii:>House of the Centenary; in the latrine near the front door: "Secundus defecated here" three times on one wall >House of Pascius Hermes: Watch it, you that shits in this place! May you have Jove's anger if you ignore this. >Inn of the Muledrivers; left of the door: We have pissed in our beds. Host, I admit that we shouldn't have done this. If you ask: Why? There was no pottyTime is a flat circle. Welcome to history.
Before this thread is kill I want to confess I shit my pants when I was 21 working as toll booth worker at a beach. It only happened because someone gifted me a Taco Bell gift card so I ate that stuff the night before. It takes approximately 15 minutes for someone to cover me when I call in for a bathroom break so I was battling demons the whole time. I shit my self maybe 30 feet from the bathroom stall, I told my manager I threw up and had heat stroke so they had to send me home, rest of the day I just laid in my room sad, I don’t know if any one noticed but I threw my shit covered underwear in a near by school dumpster
>>687953067across time and space, beyond eons and layers upon layers of ruins, what unites us all is the shit in our pants
>>687912856iirc holding shits feels good for some guys because it massages your prostate
