hi guys, today i wanted to share a little bit of myselfi was moved to europe (by my parents) from the caribbean when i was twelve years old, next year marks the year i turn 30, during this time i only went back (for a very short period) only once in my teensever since coming here i have had this weird feeling of being in a dream without being able to wake up, it just doesn't feel like the reality i felt back in my childhoodi couldn't make friends, and still today i can't make friends, i am writing this as today i came from work while feeling extremely lonely, i think my colleagues have their own chat room somewhere where they share stuff, i can't follow their conversations, nor ask to join since i think they made it exactly to discuss stuff without meacquaintances just come and pass by, the amount of people i have some kind of connection outside of work or family is zerothis might sound strange, but when forming words using the local language my guts feel bad, similar feeling for my native language as well, i started using english when i am with myself to avoid this feeling, it's not spoken anywhere here, it is only me
You should go back home. It would soothe your soul.
I feel the same, albet my situation is kind of different. I finished secondary school in 2019, which was when I realised I had 0 friends, because the moment I left I had no one to talk to. Up to that point I just had people I hung out with that I thought were my friends, but I realised that was not the case. Now, 4 years on and I still have 0 friends, no social media presence, never go out, no girlfriend etc. and it just feels like I'm living my life on autopilot. This year especially was so damn uneventful that it feels like it passed instantly. I can remember 1 or 2 things that made me happy this year but that's it. My coworkers all have eachother on WhatsApp or whatever, but I'm kinda left sitting in the corner. I sometimes feel like I'm "that guy" at work. No one talks to me unless they really need to.
i am 30 years old todaygood bye to my 20s
