Master of The Blade Edition>What is /lig/?/lig/ is a thread for viewers to find, share, and discuss indie vtubers who have on average 500 viewers or more.>Why /lig/?Large indie vtubers have more net fans, but they are outnumbered by 2views by the thousands. This is a thread for the VIP, regardless of what language they stream on.>Can I shill my 499view oshi here?Considering averages fluctuate widely, all the way down to 100 is reasonable. The minimal requirement however is being Twitch partner or the YouTube equivalent in numbers.Numbers for 12/13:1: https://twitch.tv/vei (3,641)2: https://twitch.tv/OliviaMonroe (3,079)3: https://twitch.tv/Silvervale (2,647)4: https://twitch.tv/Yuzu (2,237) *Tie4: https://twitch.tv/Buffpup (2,232) *Tie4: https://twitch.tv/HalO_Sweety (2,224) *Tie7: https://twitch.tv/AiCandii (1,953) *Tie7: https://twitch.tv/Saruei (1,936) *Tie9: https://twitch.tv/Limealicious (1,900)10: https://twitch.tv/nyanners (1,586) *Tie10: https://twitch.tv/Rainhoe (1,585) *TieNon-English:1: https://twitch.tv/Kamito_JP (5,782) *Japanese2: https://twitch.tv/akamikarubi (5,489) *Japanese3: https://twitch.tv/orkpod (2,909) *Russian>Wait isn't that one a corpo?/lig/ is a thread for chuubas of a decent size who aren't defined by their corporate branding, either due to the small size of the corporation, lack of brand cohesion, or the independence and lack of oversight granted to the talents>/lig/ Numbershttps://lignumbers.neocities.org/>Twitch Clips Guidehttps://pastelink.net/34vd5>VOD Archival Guidehttps://rentry.org/Vod_Archival_Guide>/lig/ VOD Archivehttps://rentry.org/Indie_Vod_Archives_lig>Koikatsu cardshttps://mega.nz/folder/JYtkXJwL#07gAQCQqI_9FsmX9oQJKSA>/lig/ Wheel of Nameshttps://wheelofnames.com/49w-z2x>Tiermakerhttps://tiermaker.com/create/-lig--16586688-3>/lig/ Chuuba Birthday Calendar (WIP)https://www.canva.com/design/DAE-XgWodVg/ofLz4QC1yPPQ4T6TTAE0fw/edit?utm_content=DAE-XgWodVg>Upcoming BirthdaysDecember 18th - SelkieDecember 19th - Neuro-samaDecember 31st - Naiyospede>OC material for the OPhttps://mega.nz/folder/IIVD1IaJ#cfsRhWdJvzneIoG8HZUPuw>Duckshttps://www.twitch.tv/dashducks (embed) (embed) (embed) (embed) Other useful threads:>>>/vt//wvt/>>>/vt//corpo/>>>/vt//flip/>>>/vt//haha/>>>/vt//indie/>>>/vt//mint/>>>/vt//swarm/>>>/vt//vrt/>>>/vt//vsj+/Previous Thread: >>91727759
i need to accomplish something for oli
I love my wife
https://files.catbox.moe/49ya4p.mp4
I want to spend the rest of my life with Olivia.
buhh
post some really sexy anny sloppa
Good evening lig I blub my oshi very much!
>>91732692TASTERU MY BURADE
>>91732753we don't watch her
>>91732786shut up meathead
I love my cute, horny and bratty sex fox. I LOVE HER SO MUCH! Erm!
Previous liggy.
Filian is a wonderful person who is worthy of love and support
Oli stop. Your old self is showing T^T
>your life isn't just one wrong choice after anotherit kind of is
>>91732723Now do one of her fucking a Heavenlyfather
>>91732723Is this gay sex
>>91732835who
>>91732723you should post more like this
meat should graduate
Love my wolf wife
Socionics activation is the best vtuber match for your own type.
meat should get her ricescore even lower
still need the grimmi sensual soundpost on catbox btw (plz)
>>91732908bro what
Me and my oshi should just elope and figure out the details later. We're not getting any younger
>>91732933i second this
>>91732992Trust me.
Oli please, I watch vtubers to escape.
>>91733021*trusts on you*
>>91732852why did lucy stop taking care of chatty's needs?
https://files.catbox.moe/69s8fn.mp4
the demons won, oli
>>91733080she's dumb and doesn't realize you can get away with anything in the vrchat category now because the last time she got in trouble for 3D was before the rules changed, or she just really doesn't like 3D anymore
>>91733134That's not her getting fucked by a Heavenlyfather
computer, generate alana hair pulling doggystyle
Computer generate Lucy getting raped by Fuwamoco
>>91733134Very sex, big cocks are so important in life
>>91732906hot cocoa made with sakura splash GG and wolf milk
>>91733134Where are the other 4 guys
Goodnight liggas
>>91733080She wants a big strong chatty to take care of HER instead
Layna fingering tomato gnome live
how many tobs are there?
>>91733333
>>91732815>stream Lucy Christmas Based!!!
>>91733333Sweet dreams dox bro
why are half of paras chatters banned?
>>91733134im glad dooby raid put her on your radar to slam her in koikatsu, very based.
my Tricky and Milky mousepads both exploded but now I know what boobs are made of
bnuuy cnuuyPara is Being a neerdowell in game https://www.twitch.tv/Parasihttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFgi1DB4CWAhttps://x.com/wwparasiVT/live
>>91733283Hot
>>91733404*FOX*
>>91733335>>91733335Show this video to grimmi
>>91733333Holy fucking get, Foxbro! And nini. Have a great day when you wake up
>>91733333checked
>>91733137rent is pretty costly in the big cities but the weekly wage makes it pretty doable for my field of workplus if everything goes wrong I can kill myself and get buried in a first world country instead of the shithole that I was born in
meat = ugly
>>91732723>>91733134Good posts
was oli's ASMR supposed to give me a boner because it feels like it wasn't but it absolutely did
Me listening to Alice's mumbles
>>91733568living onahole>>91732723
>>91733415the type of weirdos that watch para tend to get banned from most platforms
I Love Lucy
Since Oli won't be streaming often over christmas who should I watch?
my kisses all mine
>>91733678join the discord
best vtuber
Stream might be canceled tonight due to job training
>>91733415Half the Parasites are good at baiting and the other half are good at biting down on the bait.
>that Oli speechI was resigning myself to the cold and dark, I don't know how to feel...
Which chubba would fondle and hold your balls not in a sexual way but just because they feel nice and warm
>>91733820important question: would they also appreciate the smell?
>>91733819She's so cute, but then she starts talking
>>91733780you bitch you made me think he was live
>>91733816what did she say
>>91733335where are the owl chuubas
https://x.com/ShimadaTiger/status/1869087596334502255
>>91733854Ostensibly yes
>>91733876would be a lot hotter if she had a thick dangling penis in this animation
>>91731472Lucy describes herself as INFP
Kiba stream cancelled while she takes her cat to the vet
>>91733901I forgot about her since she stopped getting posted
>>91733914can you stop being a gay faggot applying your cock addled minds thoughts to every fucking post of a girl
>>91733495Normal reaction, telling you about her starbucks order and shopping haul is just a stacey's version of JOI
>>91733914How do i block ip user?
>>91733956no because girls with cocks are sexy
>>91733982wheres the mole
>>91733983What's even sexier is your brains splattered all over the place by a 12 gauge.
>>91733982Why isn't she presenting her disturbing brown asshole and pussy lips in this picture?
>>91733938who got kibas cat pregnant?
>>91734039you got some weird tastes bro
>>91733982who is this, because its not minto
>>91733956anon you're replying to layna
>>91733870Typical heartwarming stuff. But because Oli said it, it's impact hits more.
>>91733982where are her cock and balls
>>91733870Pretty much don't give up, life can be hard but you can turn it around and be happy.She feels like she was put on this earth to motivate people.
>>91734077Yeah, m-wait.
meat is my personal lolcow
>>91733080>>91733146Lucy literally said she gets motion sickness and that's why she doesn't
bnuuy unity
>>91733870probably more of the same empty motivational platitudes she spews
What does Grimmi smell like? I recall she shared which shampoo she uses but I can't recall what it was
>>91733418oh is that what happened
>>91733820me
>>91734250t.
>>91734257id say cats and old hot sauce
>>91733993How does she do it bros, what's her secret
>>91733870Bunch of stuff but going on about her usual positive mindset. She talked about how life is harsh, about overcoming professional failings and life seemingly stonewalling her from her dreams but how it led to her streaming and how she thinks it was meant for her to find her audience and bring positivity and hope to them. Just sweet stuff.>>91734250Comes from a more honest and earnest place than your bitter, lazy ass can imagine clearly
para forced her taiwanese classmates to listen to her chinese rock and they told her it was taiwanese and invited her to go eat traditional food
>>91734136cute
>>91734283>>91734349if you enjoy the shallow pandering that's fine, but don't expect everyone else to
sorry oli but i've dug my hole too deepit's over for me
>>91734283we do have unironic grinches and scrooges in this thread and it's really really sillyliggas who recoil in horror at the sound of kittens purring
somebody say kittens
>>91733820The wholesome ones, the lewd ones don't understand platonic stuff
>>91734470is that gura?
>>91734470no kittens; anal.
does bat have the lowest poster:watcher ratio
it's brute forcing time...she did it
Sad news
>>91733816did she do another round of voice message love bombing
>>91734545I think you have it backwards ma ligro
>>91734470
what if oli is saying all that cute nice stuff because she found out she has a terminal heart disease and she's going away within the next year
>>91734574What a mindfuck of a stream that was, her creatividad has been off the charts these past few months
>>91733820Jumbliper Jactias fondling and holding my balls and then she squeezes a little too hard on purpose to make me yelp
>>91734416Just send her a private message telling her about your problems and asking for help. I'm sure she'll take the next flight to come help :)))
>>91734669is this juni fused with meredith
>>91734644LOL
>>91734644Dying people don't buy houses
>>91734282I need answers not riddles!
>>91734694No it's just gotf motf
>>91734669I wish I had balls so Juniper could squeeze them.
>>91733901I can see the horse ears but he's a stereotypical rabbit
>>91734759lol? they gonna be dead soon, why should they care about debt?
>>91734805sex with motf
womp womp
>>91734759>Dying people don't fulfill their lifelong dreams even near death because I said so
What if your oshi turned out to secretly be a literal angel, like an actual biblical angel?
>>91733901is she retarded
>>91734693need oli to crack my skull with a pink baseball bat
>>91734844What if she had psychic powers and squeezed your ovaries with her mind
stupid bitch nina
lig your pissin me off
https://www.twitch.tv/miwaliteral infant live
>>91734931remember that audio reiyu made where she was an angel and in order for to to go to heaven she has to fuck you with her futa cock
>>91735106link
>>91734931I will not be afraid!
God I really want to cum inside Shyrei (Squchan)
>>91735135he come to town
>>91735135https://soundgasm.net/u/reiyuguigui/F4M-Script-Fill-Heavenly-Angel-Fucks-You-into-the-Afterlife-Futa-FDom-Angel-Mommy-script-by-uarmypainterI wish she kept making this stuff she's a bit amateur and kind of rushes the script but more practice and she could be great
>>91735106yes and it still saddens me that she hasn't made any more like that. she knows her audience loves the idea of getting railed by her but she refuses to record more audio of the sort
para is going to spoil herself looking for her naked mom fmv in the files
>>91734963No she's Shimada
>>91735380where are her cock and balls
Shondulehttps://x.com/fallenshadow_YT/status/1869141047718400246
mortf>Lunacid is a first person dungeon crawler inspired by old FROMSOFT games like Shadow Tower and King’s Field.https://www.twitch.tv/juniperactias
>>91735106sounds extremely gay
does anyone have that post explaining how to revert the UI changes with FFZ
>>91735396>>91735400>>91735436
>>91735396in my ass
>>91735467look on the archive
>>91735380
>>91735574i did
>Alice got her bed fundedAnother common win for the sleepy bitch
parachan is a fan of cellulite
>>91735659you should know then
>>91735695I feel ok being cucked by Ray.
>>91735659https://archive.palanq.win/vt/thread/91343382/#91344039
Just gobbed to Alice being embarrassed
>>91735845why is she embarrassed with an ass like that
>>91735695Alice got her bed before Juni got a bedframe
>>91734931can i marry and have sex with an angel?
>>91735790I get you, he's the most masculine man in Germany and thus doesn't register as a sexual rival in my lizard brain
>>91734259im just guessing on who it is who made it and that'd probably be why
>>91735808No that anon but thanks
>>91735961you don't need a bed frame realistically
>that was the most fun I had on stream in ages>and I didn't stream itshe hates us...
>>91735808thank you i'd give you a rimjob if i could
nina is joining 3am
>>91736186lolshe will beg to get into hololive until she graduates
>>91736186good for her
mmmmmmmmm
>>91736092context?
>>91735808it makes me happy to know that my post is still useful
>>91736383She was on some fleshfriend's stream yesterday
>>91735997yes, but you will birth a nephilim
>>91736311what is wrong little chatty
>>91736520uh-oh chudlit melty
>>91736520Becoming self aware?
>>91736588just kind of going through it
>>91736520Wokeists wanted an insult to call their opposition, without it being an actual insult like retard, faggot, nigger or cunt.
>>91736777>>91736624
>>91736777I already call Leaflit a retarded cunt though
>>91736520yeah i bet you hear it a lot
>>91736916Then chances are you don't have Woke as your religion. Or you're lying, which is also very typical of those people.
>>91736520her voice is kinda hot
>>91736679is it serious?
Grimmi doing joi videos to ensure her fans don't become gay faggots
>>91736777I can't really take it seriously, because I just think of this when I hear it.
>>91737020it's not killing me yeah
she was very excited
>>91737079That's basically the kind of person who uses it as an insult, so you're very much correct in not taking it seriously.
>Alice being genuinely thankfulMy pure Finnish goddess
>>91737149i have no idea what i just read
>>91737030Unironically, most of those DO become gay faggots.t. was part of some of those communities until I got bored of JOI
>>91737149i hate moriko so much
>>91733204This but with futa knots
>>91737147it is going to okay
>>91737312this and fuwamoco both have double cocks
>>91736845>when i whip out my micropenis
Liggas that would vibe to the Black Ops Rooftops ost?
>>91737520im in love with vivi
>>917375202 good for this world. Except Shondo.
>>91736520"Chud" is a meme whose meaning is currently undergoing some evolutionary change though. For one, it's going through this thing where it's being appropriated by the target audience itself, kinda like the N-word. It's now also heavily associated with other memes like "billions must die" or "nothing ever happens", that sort of have transcended their origins and have become popular on their own.
>>91736994>>91737079>>91737169>>91736624
>Now you have to credit your mods publicly for the ideasAre you fucking kidding me?!
>>91737549But she is taken.
the problem with leaflit is that she's FAT
>>91737652yeah i know and its so upsetting
>>91735845alice's stretch goal should be 2 inches (diameter)
>>91737503dont remind me of the days i still had friends
>>91737721I'm your friend anon.
>>91737721Sorry.
>>91737503beri and nino
>>91737568ok schizowhatever you say schizo
It's nice seeing Kitanya pretty consistently above the DashDucks Line.
good streams? do ko
>>91734971
>>91737844she deserves it
>>91737721you will have friends again and they will not perish and you will not perish
>>91737879thats really good
>>91737844>3viewniper
>>91737879when's jets playing nmh2
*looks at you clauvioly*
>>91738013Where is she?
>>91737879bat looks like a slab of salami
>>91738041that's rude, you're going to hurt her feelings
>>91738041be nise
>>91737079You're correct. It's basically only becoming more common now that we have people who take up the label ironically. I think I said this recently but it's just the inverse of libtard which no one took seriously and just ended up being used as a joke. We have at least 4 /lig/gers who call themselves chuds, probably more.
>>91738041
>>91737935thanks oli
>>91738013Why is she like this
>>91738013We don't like her anymore
parasites have sending maros reminding para to brush and shes been a big girl and only forgot once last weekshe also did a half shower and her pits yesterday because they were smelly and too lazy for the rest
Love Sleepy's accent
>>91735416wifey back!
>>91738260>she also did a half shower and her pits yesterdayNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Juni has started Lunacid
>>91738013did she just give up on streaming
Hello /lig/!
>>91738260The half shower thing lets me know her breasts are small enough to not fold over and get sweat and grime build up underneath them
>>91738260what's wrong with her
>>91738230>We
>>91738204>>91738114>>91738085>>91738084batposters give off a "bugs under the stone when you lift it up" energy
>>91738358she's busy
>>91738376
>>91738376SHUT THE FUCK UP
I miss my dawg
https://www.twitch.tv/vulpeshdWhomst is this person Squ raided? I see she's in Vei's WoW clan.
>beri stops streaming and becomes more of a pomudachi orbiter than her own personfuck you
>>91738394I don't know how you conclude that, given that she doesn't even include pits in the half shower
>>91738376hello coqui
>>91738406Dare I say it? Bat is a wonderful person who is worthy of love and support
>>91738491minto is pretty cute to be fair
how do people like mello still have the drive to stream after work
>>91738479>mute>shethat's one of soda's mods
>>91738406
just had a drunken breakdownthank you oli
>>91738586I can only assume she doesn't have depression
>>91738406>/big/gerREEEEEEEE
>>91738491You don't own her retard
https://litter.catbox.moe/kgeb8f.mp4
>>91738099a fair portion of the parasites happily self-identify as chuds
>>91738634sounds fake
>>91738634how do i become like her
i really don't understand how you can just not brush your teeth
>>91738714Be an attractive woman
>>91738595>modmore like babysitter
>>91738692I think it's a funny word. Sounds kind of like "chad" or in Leaflit's example, "choad."Either way has about the same amount of damage as being called a honkey.
RAKASTAN LOOMIA JA HALUAN MENNÄ NAIMISIIN TÄMÄN DORKAN KANSSA, PERUSTAA PERHEEN TÄMÄN DORKAN KANSSA, JA KASVATTAA AINAKIN 43 LASTA TÄMÄN DORKAN KANSSA, LAPSIA JOTKA PERIVÄT PARHAAT PIIRTEEMME JA OMINAISUUTEMME, MUTTA JOTKA OVAT MYÖS YHTÄ AUTISTISIA SUOMALAISIA KUIN HEIDÄN KAUNIS DORKA ÄITI
>>91738746oh
>>91738692weirdos are not very self aware
>>91738664goony bunny
i love tanya and how silly she gets
thinking about nino hands
>>91738775take the titty skittles coward
>>91738033in the hospitalshe hurt her back trying to suck her own dick again
>>91738714just be happy
juni's plump pussy
>>91738714Unironically maybe you should work out some more. Don't do as many squats as her lest you become like those starting strength guys on /fit/ who end up having quads and hamstrings so huge they can't wear long pants.
>>91738806a real shame about those toes
>>91738853anon those are hands
>>91738847junis mons pubis jiggle
>>91738853wdym her toes are perfect
>>91738790It's more that the things you're calling them names for are either things they don't think are a very big deal or actively agree with.
>>91738850how would working out make me not depressed
Spede
>>91738806>That fakeass countertop God damnit just get a material you can afford quartz still looks fine if you can't get real marble.
>>91738971*Spedge
shes really into the game now
>>91738853but you can play amogus with them
>>91739029I love black pussy (and fat tits)
naiyo "breast" speed
>>91738971*Spade
>>91738949Exactly. not very self aware
>>91738013It's always been surprising to me how popular Clauvio is. Not saying she's unworthy, just when you see a soft-spoken rat girl with a boy's name it makes you think she'd be /wvt/-tier, not 800+ccv.
i love menace i wish she would be my girlfriend
>>91739054When will she play Saya no Uta?
>>91739134she was wvt tier for a long time
>>91739115nta, but I think the lack of awareness lies elsewhere
>>91738013Stop staring
>>91738806I want nino to jack me off as she tells me how pathetic it is that an ojisan is enjoying a handjob from a much younger woman
>>91739181yeah I'm sure you do
>>91739013rentoids deserve laminate
>>91739134She's just kind of weird and comfy.
>>91739143i dont know if she likes reading that much
>>91738376Aloo Coqui
>>91739134her and grimmi share like 70% of their audience
>>91739115Not agreeing with you is lacking self awareness? What are you, god?
>>91738853It's a shame her toes aren't in my mouth yes.
>>91738806hands meant for trying to fend off a large male attacker
Charlotte live playing Super Mario Worldhttps://www.twitch.tv/charlottexbear
>>91738586Freya usually streams after her shift and she always sounds like she's fighting to stay awake after the first hour of stream. I have no clue how Mello is able to summon so much energy. I just want to sit and do nothing after work.
clauvio doesn't stream often because she frequently hurts herself trying to suck her own dick
https://www.twitch.tv/uwoslabHe's got an AI version of his voice covering Ohio Shape (Christmas Version)
>>91739134shes a A-tier ligger to me id watch her more if she was consistently on in a timeslot i can catch
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiUaHhpK3Hs
>>91739414thanks hina bo bina
>>91738586she has two jobs btw
>>91739440
>>91739392>Freya usually streams after her shift and she always sounds like she's fighting to stay awake after the first hour of stream.Yeah Freya has tired OL energy during her streams, sometimes she uses chat to complain about her job.
>>91739440Da Wose!
i cant wait for rosemi to actually graduate and nobody posts about her here anymore
>>91739340My black loli queen
>>91739444No problemo oomfie
>>91738948okay "brother"
>>91739543technically true since she'd have a new name I guess
>>91738968It won't. You'll just be fit and sad instead of fat and sad. Which I suppose is an improvement.
>>91739543
>>91739543Yeah, good riddance, loser.
>>91739604thankfully im not fat, just sad
>>91739440sell me on this pink thing
I miss her alreadyGood night lig I blub my oshi very VERY much!Enjoy streams, sweet dreams, and see you tomorrow!
>>91738634she gets super giga extra powerful woman depression once a month and often cancels streams (and posts make-up ass pics to pay for it) thanks to it
>>91739683she should get depressed more then
>>91738634no way she isnt depressed considering >>91739474
>>91739670
>>91739680Sweet dreams Max
>>91738721there anon, you happy, I brushed my teeth
>>91739134I know a lot people think "comfy" is boring but clauvio is very good at not being irritating or upsetting to listen to
>>91738586I have no idea how Oli works a physical job that requires her full attention & streams.
>>91739680Good night Max
How autistic is Jets?
>>91738479>>91738595It's Soda's head mod. He does for Soda what all of the groomer simp mods do for their chuubas, but he actually gets paid for it
>>91739848that's probably because she does almost the exact same thing in both jobs
I want to be Para's mommywife and change her diapees
>>91739810>I know a lot people think "comfy" is boringThat's just a personality mismatch. Vtubing is inherently parasocial, so if someone's personality doesn't match what you want and need, of course you're going to find them boring or dumb.
>>91739945I really think you should kill youeself
>>91739751I have no idea what she's saying. Matter of fact, I don't hear a thing.
>>91739945You should live
>>91739945this became less funny as soon as you outted yourself
>>91740002but if they die, who will change para's diapers?
>>91738595Mutes do exist anon
>>91739392>>91739480this just makes me sad but I guess in a way streaming is a way for them to decompress and relax after work
>>91739810"comfy" is boring because any chuuba you like is going to be "comfy" to watch, so if "comfy" is the best thing you can say it means there's nothing else interesting about her
>>91740193I don't know what you are talking about
>>91740258cope
>>91740297we know who you are
>>91739414https://streamable.com/jcbqae kek
Anyone close to hitting partner? Anyone hit partner recently?
>>91740337I haven't talked in her chat and I'm not in her discord though.
>>91740258>"comfy" is boring because any chuuba you like is going to be "comfy" to watchBut that's not true. I like a lot of things that are energizing and activating, rather than being comfy.
>>91740436mishartpyon
>>91740436I got denied again so I can't shill my streams here
>>91740436https://sullygnome.com/milestones/partnersGo crazy
>>91740551we know hitlercunnyrabbit1488
>>91740436Partner roundup anon...
>>91740436Hopefully nobody. Anyone worth partner status has already got it, and the rest should just go rot in the dark, behind God's back.
Is it wrong if I jerk off to the thought of people making Layna "uncomfortable"
>>91740603t. crab
?
>>91740436You shouldn't hit anyone
>>91740695>>91740695>>91740695
>>91740662As if I would be non-partnered trash. I left that bucket a long time ago, the rest of you should stay there.
>>91740710
>>91740002I have tried! someday I'll make it there!
>>91740436Misha and Mumkeyt
>>91740436mishapumpkinsynthmaime
>>91740791Well aren't you upset? With that negative attitude, you'll never make it.Try focusing on improving yourself as a person first, and you might be well-liked enough to get partner soon enough.
>>91740517>>91740837>>91740840Mishamind…
>>91740593sounds like a para youtube chatter
>>91734927if I was dying I would kill myself
