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>>8071327

I have never felt more emotionally numb in my life, over the past 8 years I have felt my normal emotional function dwindle to nothing and I can't figure out why. I have a decent job, I am moving into my own place for the first time, I have a girlfriend who thinks the world of me, but I can muster no emotional response at all. I come here in the hope that something will catch my eye and make me feel a sense of awe, I can sometimes feel that emotion pressing against a stone wall in my mind but it never seems to fully break through. I'm a bad boyfriend, a bad friend, and I just don't have the capacity to care about myself or other people any more.

Have some OC from when I actually pursued my hobbies, I haven't picked up my camera in 3 years.

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>>8071327
hey i took that pic :3

But yeah i just hit the 2 year anniversary of moving to a new place/starting a new job and I have to reckon with what kind of progress Ive made since then. I definitely have progressed in some areas, but in the areas that I value the most like social life and relationships, I feel like Ive gone no where. No close friends since getting here, no gf either - only a handful of boring dates. I feel pathetic despite making growth by most other metrics.

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Wonder if I'm making the right choice by committing to her, but she seems worth it despite the issues
>>8071373
Feels are known, one wonders if happiness is even possible

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>>8071373
Brother, I have been exactly there. Not a sadness, but a pure emotional numbness. Sometimes, I'd get in my car at 1am and drive with the windows down, in January (sub 20 degrees) just to feel something. Sometimes I felt so disconnected from my body and reality that I felt like I was watching my life unfold in real time through a TV screen. It was awful. I had never experienced anything like it before, so I had zero reference. Ultimately, it took a friend to force me to realize I was experiencing a form of depression.

There is no trick or cheat code here: the only way out is through it. By that, I mean setting a large goal which will require significant commitment, discipline, and effort, and then achieving it. For me, it was weightlifting. I had always been a skinny kid, so I decided the goal was to change that. I was 24, working full time, so 6am drives to the gym Mon-Fri it was. I did this for two years, but the weightlifting yanked me out of my depression in a matter of months. I even started seeing positive mental changes within a few weeks. In the end, the exerciser benefits I gained were truly life changing. However, the real gold from it was the mental clarity and confidence you experience from truly earning the reality of becoming a physically and mentally strong young man. I cannot recommend it enough.

If you choose this path of weightlifting, commit to it without fail for no less than 6 weeks, no matter what. Once you get to the 6 week mark, it becomes difficult to stop going. Highly encourage you to stay off any drugs (especially SSRI's) unless you are having serious suicidal thoughts. Supplementing with the right vitamins and minerals are good.

Decide on a large goal you truly want and achieve it no matter what happens. This will push you through the depression and out the other end. It's all in your control to do it, especially because now you know. You owe this to yourself. I am rooting for you.

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>>8071327
Even though I agree with the "it's okay to cut off toxic relationships" thing, I can't help but feel terrible about doing just that to someone I truly cared about. She's not a bad person, but she's not mentally mature, and no matter how much I tried to make the thing work, it ended up being mentally exhausting for both of us. Even though I promised her I'd never leave her side, I secretely feel relieved I don't have to deal with her anymore. Maybe I'm the bad person afterall, but I'm just tired man.

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>>8071327
fucked up my 8 year relationship

>>8071783
what are the issues? can you work on them?

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>>8071987
Can i ask how you fucked it up?
>issues
Not really, in the present it's all green flags, the issues are her hoe past, she is after all a gen z white girl. It's just annoying, then again i have my own embarrassing past to say the least, so maybe I'm coping but it evens out.

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je me sens triste et seule

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>>8072095
tu n'es pas seule. Taff de merde sous-payé, ex à qui je n'arrête pas de penser, gros problèmes de santé, lourdes addictions que je trimballe depuis des années... 1 milliard de soucis que je n'ai pas la force de citer. Courage, sache qu'on est ensemble.

I love you all so much anons.

>>8072071
my friend told me that past doesn't really mater, because we all learn

>Can i ask how you fucked it up?
i felt that her being way less amibious than me slows me down, so when i felt the wind in my sail i just came home and ended it

i regret it

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>>8072107
The past matters, studies show that promiscuity makes it harder to remain loyal and happy in long term relationships, plus, it might have been in the past but knowing some things triggers my disgust instinct, as if i was being cheated on in the present. Makes it harder to think of her as part of myself and contrasts with the image i have of her in the present of my sweet cute girl. The past matters.
That being said she does seem to have learned, she's all greenflags in the present so we will see.
>i regret it
Really? Maybe you will change your mind in the future, i hope you get to meet someone that can match your ambition

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>>8071327
I can't stop taking benzodiazepines.

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>>8072525

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I just turned 30, and I've been basically a full-time caretaker for my mom for the past three years. This should be awesome for me, since I can't stand any kind of regular job, so getting room and board in exchange for housework and driving her to doctors' appointments is ideal, right? But I can't fucking stand her sometimes, and I keep having these flights of fancy where I just fuck off and couch surf, or even go punch a cop to go to jail, where I don't have to worry about meals or a bed. It's so fucking lazy and selfish of me, and I keep dragging myself through to the next day, but I just feel so tired of living like this.

>>8071373
I felt like that when I was on my anti-depression meds, and I decided that the ability to feel anything, even with depression looming over it, was better than that. Your photography is good, though.

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Just turned 28 - 7 year relationship closed. 1.5 of those we were married.

Been actively going through divorce longer than the marriage - and I've been paying for a mortgage neither of us live in as she actively drags it out in court.

Maybe the lowest I've ever been in my life but all at the same time I've been finding a lot of enjoyment in giving to my friendships. Friends and skateboarding have carried me.

>>8071373 I was here for about a year - wanting death like every night. Keep your head up - use hobbies and give out love to those around you.

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>>8072525
currently tapering off benzos atm shit is rough

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I recently moved across the US to the desert. It was the right choice for my career, but I left all my friends, family, and a gf behind. I'm glad I'm getting to see the country but I can't help but wonder if I made the wrong decision. I'm not sure how to make friends here and I miss my friends back home. My relationship seems to be coming to an end as well but I can't say I'm surprised, she never felt as strongly as I did anyway. Everything about the desert is different --- even the rain smells different here (when we get any). Guess I'm a little lonely, a touch homesick, and feel adrift in life in general.

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>>8071327
i can't get over how easily she left me. 2 years later and i'm still heart-broken over her. i escape by working and keeping myself as busy as possible, but when things quiet down, my mind becomes the ultimate masochist. i just had my weekly cry yourself to sleep. got up again and made coffee, and now i'm back working because i don't want to think about her.

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>>8072791
I know it may hurt but face the reality, let yourself grieve. Some anon recorded this: https://vocaroo.com/14fSG9KOlzqn
it helped me a bit.

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>>8071327
My summer break is almost over and I'll be back to uni soon. I spent the whole summer working on a project that I hated for less pay than working at McDonald's, and I'm dreading some of my classes this semester. Still, it's better than wasting three months doing nothing, and I may actually have a good semester, so I'm just cautiously optimistic.

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I have a girl who loves me. The first real romantic relationship I've had in eight years, and I keep on feeling afraid she will get bored of me and dump me. I've been alone and doing degenerate stuff for so long that I find difficult to fathom that someone loves me for who I am.

I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of feeling tired and having to work a meaningless job and not feeling happy with being loved. I need to rest.

>>8071373
You can overcome this. Listen to >>8071835 with a goal, you can muster the motivation. Godspeed

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It's so difficult being with someone who breaks down every day. You're just having a talk and she starts crying out of nowhere. I can't keep living like this.
I want to break up but I'm scared of leaving her alone with her thoughts. And I'm scared of being lonely myself, because I'm too picky and won't be able to find anyone like that again for a long time.
I hate myself for prolonging her suffering because I don't have the balls to break things off. This poor woman has a lovely heart, and I'm shattering it.

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>>8071327
Mountains because the first picture is mountains. Have a nice day.

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Nothing.

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damn I fucking downloaded this pape all the way back in 2015. That was almost 10 years ago. Now I'm 24 about to turn 25. My youth is fucking over and i've barely done much outside of college. I'm scared of aging. I'm scared of0 being old

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>>8073440
It's really not that bad even in to your late 30's, anon. I'm 37 and can still do most of the stuff I did when I was 22 (and more). Just look after yourself mentally and physically and nothing much will change, other than you will hopefully mentally mature and stop worrying about dumb shit like aging.

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I could honestly write paragraphs upon paragraphs but the summary is that I'm simply not like other people at all and I don't mean it in a stereotypical fake sort of way. Like I genuinely feel like an alien in any social setting.

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>>8071327
I finally feel like I'm in silence, after years of everything crashing and roaring around me like ocean surf.

I'm out of my home town, away from my huge computer that took me years to build, away from all of my tools, and projects, and people.

And I feel perfectly quiet, sitting here, armed with an old laptop and a guitar. I have a few books to read, and a couple of notebooks, in case I feel like drawing.

I'm sitting in the eye of the storm. And I don't ever want to leave.

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I understand things better every day, which makes me more cognizant of my flaws.

I get cringe attacks every day and still avoid them habitually which sucks because i want to face them head on

life is tough even though i'm a neet

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Been dealing with cancer for the past couple of months. While my health has improved (a lot of doctors were expecting me to die at one point) I’m exhausted and don’t want a repeat of what I went through. I’m very grateful for the support I’ve received from the medical staff, friends and family. But I don’t know how long I can handle it all.

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>>8073958

Wish you all the best, anon.

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I think I have been anxious too long to feel positive excitement anymore. Even good things bring anxiety feelings, big or small, and I can't truly ever be satisfied with any situation. I got a job after all the years I have been unemployed and I don't even hate it, yet I still wish I was unemployed because I would have all the time in the world, even when I KNOW that I would have too much free time then.

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>>8074569
Same anon still. I have been lowering my venlafaxine dose and if everything goes well, will be switching to sertraline. I hope I can feel actual good feelings again. I think its exactly these meds that made me into what I am now. Never satisfied, no excitement, only anxiety. I hope this will change things. Turning 40 years old soon and I am so afraid of my birthday.

>>8073958
Whatever happens in the future, I hope and wish that your life will be fulfilling and enjoyable. The worst is now behind you.

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Trying to understand how did atlas carry everything alone.

Got some time with my best friend coming up. Looking forward to it.

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I feel like I don't deserve my way above average salary.
I know I'm smarter than the average person in my discipline, but I feel like I don't belong in my current career position at my age.

>>8075710
Hope you're using that money to build on your future, pal.

>>8072640
You need to get a job, to be able to pay for her to get professional help. Your mom would be selfish for wanting you to waste decades taking care of her.

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I spend a lot of time trying not to dwell on the constant feeling of being a passenger in a vehicle being driven off a cliff. Even on good days, which today was not, it lingers in the room like a ghost. I miss you. Sometimes I wish we'd died together. Instead I'll keep going because you didn't. Maybe one day it really will have been worth it.

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I am afraid that I will not have courage or will to kill myself when life truly becomes so horrible, that you can't make it better anymore. I am afraid I will just wait for death in anguish.

Today is the day.

I want it to be one way, but it's the other.

It's way more important to me than it is to her. I know that now. Time to give up.

I really need someone to talk to. I wish I was strong enough to talk to my wife. If I talked to her about this she wouldn't be my wife much longer. This morning I blew the best chance at something I've wanted for so long. I can't shake the feeling that this time might really be the last time. My back is against the wall here.

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>>8071327
I feel lonely, very lonely, but at the same time, whenever the opportunity presents itself i can't stand other people.

And I'd rather stay alone rather than be with other people, at least that way, if i mess up, at least I'll know how and why instead of leaving it to someone else.

All in all, i both want and don't want people in my life.

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I feel like I will never be truly happy where i am, but leaving means losing everything i have ever built. In 2014 I was living in a homeless shelter, now i have a wife, son, i own a house, have a decent enough paying a job. but i am not happy. i wish i could keep up the charade because my life is finally safe and comfortable most of the time. but i am not living. only watching the world pass by.

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It's very hard to be patient when waiting for a gf.
I'm studying my dream research field at an amazing school in an amazing area, but it feels empty without having a companion to share it with

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it feels dreadful to try and kill your love
the first love of my life broke up with me some weeks ago.
now im trying not to think of him every hour of the day so that I can slowly move on but I still love him, though I can feel this love drying up and dying more and more. it helps to remember all the ways in which he actually wasn't the right one, things you can only really tolarate when you love someone. Still, trying to end a feeling that made you sooo happy just a few months ago feels bad even when I know I need to
I know I can find someone that's better suited to me, but the thought of failing with this always comes back at night when im alone
what if I don't? what if that was the only chance I will ever get at love and now I will have to be alone forever?

im going through a divorce and i dont think im going to make it through. the only thing that helps me is my daughter when im allowed to see her. depression hurts

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>>8078677
I forgot the Wallpape sorry

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I need a woman in my life. I'm kinda sick of being single at 28 years old, but the place (physically mostly but also in terms of my career and social life) doesn't allow me to go out and meet women like I used to be able to do in elementary school all the way up until college. It also doesn't help that I find most women to be rather annoying for the most part and not the type of woman I want raising my kids. All I've got is prayer at this point.

>>8078693
Ave Maria
Gratia Plena
Dominus Tecum
Benidicat Tua in Mulieribus
Et Benidictus Fructus Ventris Tui, Iesus
Sancta Maria, Mater Dei
Ora Pro Nobis Peccatoribus
Nunc et in Hora Mortis Nostrae
>>8078562
You probably just aren't meeting people that you would actually like to be with. I'm in a very similar situation where I'm pretty lonely but I'm surrounded by people I either have to be around for work-based reasons (who are mostly fine) and people I'm around because of church (who I just dislike). Try and find a space to hang out with like-minded people you actually want to be around rather than are forced to be around.

>>8078602
Same.

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>>8071327
im very gay and very lonely, my boyfriend let me move in with him about two years ago but treats me more like a butler than a partner and ive let it happen because i have nothing without him, i cut myself sometimes because of how he talks to and treats me and because my life before this was actually much worse somehow

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>>8078715
you need to get out of there dude
is there anyone who can take you in while you find somewhere else to live?

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>>8078719
no but like i said it's my own fault and it's still the best situation ive ever lived in, including childhood, so im just gonna let it slowly kill me until something outside my control blows it up and sends me back down

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>>8078711
>I need a woman in my life. I'm kinda sick of being single at 28 years old
You're not alone. During our parents' time if you didn't have a woman, you had to be a homosexual -- as in, you literally did not want one.
Times are changing, and many young men, not just the weirdos who sat by themselves watching star wars at school, are finding themselves alone.

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Things are good. I've had a productive year, though I wanted to complete a side project in March, and it is still unfinished. Powering through, and never giving up. That's my motto.
I worry about my friends, as they are all seem depressed.

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>>8078510
What is it you want that you don't think she'd accept, anon?

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I don't believe that "the holocaust" actually happened

>>8078773
I'm in love with my best friend and have been for a long time. I told her tonight, point blank. "You tell me right now that there's no shot at all, and I swear to fucking Jesus Christ almighty that I'll drop it. You tell me that there's absolutely no chance at all that you would be my woman, and mine alone." She said, "That's never gonna happen." She went inside and I followed her soon after. Asked if she was sober and she said yes. Asked if she was sober a half hour ago, again she said yes. I told her, "Okay. I won't bother you anymore" and left. I think that's it for me. I'll never be the wealthiest, or the most handsome, or the best in bed, or the smartest. But I would love her. I guess that wasn't enough. I know my feelings are wrong and I will be judged accordingly. God forgive me.

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i didn't deserve how she turned her back on me.

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i should clean the barn before the next spring kidding.

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>>8078728
The sad part is it wasn't even this bad 10,20,30 years ago. Like all things, it wasn't easy finding a good woman to just be with or even marry, but it wasn't a herculean task since there were multiple outlets to do so in the real world for any relatively well-adjusted individual to meet new people and meet girls. Now everything is online and the dating pool here is rancid. I'm not even sure it's worth meeting a woman in the US for the most part unless she comes from a good immigrant family or the like since chances are she'll stop loving you after a point even if you do everything right just because she "doesn't feel that spark anymore".

Maybe I'm jaded, but my love life hasn't even begun to start and I know it's not my fault since I'm working towards a stable, lucrative career and take care of myself well. Maybe it's because I just don't really fit into the icestuous "good ol' boy" culture of the South and would rather be somewhere halfway interesting and culturally rich than some in some swampass hick town that's simultaneously a bureaucrats gooncave

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>It's funny how the music put times in perspective
>Add a soundtrack to your life and perfect it
>Whenever you are feeling blue keep walking and we can get far
>Wherever you are

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making memepapes is fun

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I need to buy new dress shoes.....

>>8079219
New job?

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I am prone to anger outbursts during which I hit stuff, break stuff, hit myself and scream. I am a guy in my early 20s but I have had this issue since I was a little kid. It only got worse over time. It was probably worsened by the fact that my mom used to beat me and scream at me a lot. I really don't know how to stop this. My issues have made me an issue to my family and I am being treated as such.

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My gf and I are about to move into a beautiful rental house together. It's everything I've ever dreamed about. However, I can't help but feel afraid. I'm worried I might do something to put our relationship in jeopardy. This is the first time in my life I've had the opportunity to be truly happy. It just feels weird. Like I don't deserve it. Like it won't last. I hope I can overcome this quickly.

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>>8079268
>I really don't know how to stop this.

In a word, therapy.

Don't be embarrassed about it, go find yourself a good professional therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist and go talk to them about it.

Fact is, if you've been dealing with those things for many years already, resolving them by yourself at this point is gonna be a serious struggle - not impossible just incredibly difficult, so do yourself a big favor and go get you some professional help as soon as you can.

How do you become a better man?

>>8078590

Beautiful.

I miss the U.S.

Europe is so over rated. Been here for 10+ years and it sucks. Everything is expensive, difficult and people are just down right unfriendly (for the most part).

I hate Europe with a passion, and when I leave I will NEVER return. I've been to the U.K., Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Germany etc. and they have all sucked.

The U.K. is OK but just barely. The government there are "complete and utter nonce's" as the Brits would say. You think the cops in the U.S. are on a power trip? Just WAIT until you meet a British cop... Literal gestapo wanna-be's.

The Norwegian / Swedish cops are pretty chill, so are the German ones.

Paris is trash, it was wonderful in the 50's, 60's and started a slow decline in the 70's and 80's and went completely belly up in the 2000's. (This is according to some French friends.)

With all the problems the U.S. has, there's no where better.

The only thing that really needs work is health care. It's insane. But still better than the socialized medicine in Europe.

Why? Well...
A) Taxes here is in the 40% range.
B) There's a long line to get anything done. Need an X-Ray? 3 months!
C) Immigrants clog the system up severely.

So sure, it's "free" (if you don't take into account the astronomical taxes you pay) but it takes forever for a simple x-ray.

Over the past five years, over 900 people have died because of the incompetence in the country I'm stuck in.

I am moving back to the U.S. next year if everything goes to plan.

I'm from Georgia, sure it's not perfect (especially Atlanta) but the place I'm from (Warner Robins) was pretty chill. Got everything I need within a 15 minute drive.

Don't mind me, just angry at my current life situation and the area I'm in. Europe is gorgeous in movies, like most things in movies it's unrealistic.

>>8079881
Im american too, and i cant explain it, i dont know if its as simple as "patriotism," but i was born here, i want to live here my entire life, and i want to eventually die in this country.
I dont care how bad it gets, this is legitimately my only home, and i couldnt imagine leaving it.
Theres something special about this place.

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Photo I took last night.
I recently finished my studies and have been feeling confused about it. For three years of my life I've been doing this one thing, and when I started it felt like it was going to go on forever. Now suddenly, almost unexpectedly it has ended, and all that potential that made me excited at the beginning has been spent. I am faced with the reality that I will never get to experience studying for the first time again. I'm also bitter, because while I lived close my first year, I had to move away for the next two, and so spent four hours per day commuting. I had no time to meet anyone or really do anything outside of working and it felt like I missed a lot of the chances I had to enjoy that time. Half of the first year was during covid and while it was in person I could barely do anything as well because I wasn't vaccinated. I ended up getting tested almost everyday. Worse yet, I feel like the friends that I did make during that time have become entirely different people since getting jobs. All they want to do is sit and drink, and the conversations aren't even good anymore, just complaining about work. They're like old men in young men's bodies. If I drink I want to have a night to remember with it. It's a lot to vent here but things have changed so quickly Anons. Now I've got to figure out what the fuck to do with my life next as well.

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I'm 22 years old, desperate to love, marry and have children but terrified of giving my virginity to a man only for him to dump me like in the horror stories I read online.

Read a Reddit post an hour ago where a boyfriend dumped a woman because she took time to look after her father, despite even compromising when the boyfriend complains. Seven year relationship down the drain. That could be me, left stranded and broken if I ever try my hand at love.

I might just have fur-babies instead.

>>8079937
That sucks Anon. Relationships can be really difficult in that regard, and it's almost always a risk.
I think you can filter out a lot of the worst guys by making it clear that you want something serious and that you're not there to have sex on the second or third date but want to build something that will last.
A few years ago I was in the relationship with a wonderful woman, but we ended up splitting apart partly because she moved, and partly because I wanted something serious, and she didn't. It hurt a lot, but I don't regret one moment of it. Being in love is worth it.
Try things out, trust your gut, give the relationship time, and keep your virginity and children till things have been going stable with the person you're with for a while and you really trust them and I think you'll be fine.
Pain is inevitable, but it shouldn't be an obstacle to living.

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>>8079940
Thank you. The problem is that a lot of messed up behavior in men can manifest later in life. Same goes for women, but especially men nowadays. Men have a way harder time to get dates and find love, but are also more prone to aggression so the extreme pendulum shift of them being wonderful during courting and then after a while showing their true colors.

The sad part is that the meme of "I can fix him" doesn't work either, so my mother was stuck with this completely incorrigible manchild that shouts, slams doors, refuses to get either individual or couples therapy and treats her like garbage. She lost 30 years of her life until he divorced her for a 16 year old mistress turned girlfriend (which is legal in my country).

I wish I was lying, this is terrifying to me. And I can't stop reading about these either on subreddits like r/TwoXChromosomes and hearing from friends as well about how their boyfriends treat them horribly. I browse other womens only spaces too that I don't feel comfortable in sharing.

There's no answer to this, I'll just have to work through my ideas of purity and maybe come to terms with that if I get dumped that doesn't mean my body is defiled. I'm glad you've been in love and came to terms with being dumped, I hope I'll one day have that kind of emotional maturity.

>>8079941
I can imagine it really doesn't help having seen that kind of experience happen to your mother. No one should have to witness that kind of thing happening to a parent.
It seems a pretty reasonable response to be terrified of that same thing happening to you.
There are a lot of different men in the world, and a lot of different women too. Some are shit, and bad at hiding (my old highschool had a notorious pervert) some are shit and seem great at first glance. That tends to be the nature of life.
I can say that in my experience of people, both men and women, the vast majority have been wonderful.
However, about a month ago I was unlucky and ended up getting beaten up by a group as I was coming home. It took me a while to recover, but I haven't let it made me scared of the world or to go out into it. Most people are still nice.
Though it's pretty cliche advice at this point I'd recommend finding places where you can meet people platonically and spend less time on the internet as it has a way of distorting your view on the world.
Maybe make some nice male friends and test the waters that way, it might help develop your sense of which guys are overall good and which are bad.

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>>8079942
Oh my god, you seem okay now but are you really? Did law enforcement get involved and find out who the group is? I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

I love your positive outlook and I wish you the best in life. You're right in that I should go out more, I'm pretty much only juggling between my job, gym and home. I work at a bookstore so even then I only meet women pretty much.

I don't think there's a way though to really find out if a guy is good or not, the best way to do that is to know people close to him or stalk him online. I think that's why us women are so good at gossip, to be able to scout out threats and one of these threats are bad men.

>>8079943
Yeah I recovered fine, a few nights I was a bit paranoid as it happened very close to where I live but I returned to normal pretty quickly.
Law enforcement didn't really do anything, it's a rural area and it was dark so I didn't see much. Case was dropped after a week. Not much budget in the rural Netherlands.
Thanks Anon, I wish you the best as well. Bookstore is a cool job, but sadly not a lot of men indeed, which is a double shame as reading is great. I'm not sure what your hobbies are, but maybe find some groups that match your interests? Maybe a book club if you like discussing literature? I go monthly to a photography group centered on old digital cameras. Met some very interesting people there.
No way to really know anyone to be fair, I can vouch for at least four guys I know who are genuinely good, but that's after years of friendships and long conversations. I'm also lucky to have met people who are more open emotionally, which I think is a very good green flag, in men and people in general.
If you do end up getting into a relationship good communication is really important, a lot can be healed by just saying what's on your mind. Keeping things in leads to explosions. Sometimes things are unsalvageable and people go different ways, but it's better for that to happen on good terms than bad.
The film La La Land displays that pretty well.
Either way, I hope you end up finding someone wonderful.

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I just want to go on a date. I just dread all of the work getting to that point. Maybe I'm just too picky.

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>>8073465
Im learning this lesson after hitting 30. Coming to terms with it hasn't been easy. This is encouraging. Thanks Anon.
Have a pape for thanks.

Missing her every day. Heard a quote from television I can't get out of my head: "Have you ever been somewhere you can't leave, but you can't stay, at the same time?" That's how I feel lately.

>>8080249
What happened bro?

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I've started noticing that while I surround myself with different groups of people, it's always the same kind of people, and literally always guys. My current goal is getting a place of my own, which in the country I live in, is impossible without a partner or someone to live with. Most of my friends aren't interested or simply not compatible for living together, so I've been seriously considering entering the dating scene even though the thought of meeting complete strangers is dreadful. I wonder if there's groups that do non-geeky sports activities I could join instead.

>>8080460
Non geeky sports activities? Might not be the best fit since it sounds like you're outside of the US but you could start following a local sports teams. I know a lot of people that get into online communities for their team, and end up meeting friends and partners through that

>>8079936
I was gonna guess this was the Amsterdam Flevopark tram station, but I looked it up and it looks nothing like that. I guess there's a bunch of places in the netherlands that kinda look like that.

While I don't share the experience of living far away from uni, I had a bit of the reverse effect where everyone I knew and mingled with lived far away from uni, the uni itself was quite small, and I'm not much of a partygoer to begin with. What I miss about uni the most is the vibe of people legitimately excited to do things, even if they weren't aligned with the curriculum. People at my current job, while they still have lives outside of work, don't seem as motivated to do anything, work-related or otherwise. Maybe it's the place where I'm at, but it's really grinding at me. If I had the option, I'd have kept studying, but I unfortunately don't have the privilege. My current daily 1.5-2 hours one-way commute is hopefully for the short term, though, I would've preferred commuting for uni as the hours were more variable...

Anyway, I hope you manage to move on and meet new people. Once you start working it gets harder, but not impossible. If you have trouble finding a job, the only tip I can give is what I'd have told myself: Try to find companies by yourself, instead of expecting them to post job openings. Many places are passively looking for people but don't have the means or time to actively pursue them. Even something as simple as opening google maps to nearby industrial or office areas, googling the names of the companies, and sending your CV to whichever contact email you can find is going to be more effective than linkedin.

About ready to be off the ride. Everything I poured in the glass came out the bottom.

I hope you're happy
I hope you're good
I hope you get what you wish for
And that you're well understood
And whatever you're promised
I know you'll be fine
Because I hope you're happy
Even if you're not mine

>>8080519
Thank you, anon.

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>>8079251
old ones are trashed went walking around some swamp after a wedding party was pretty blacked out at that point.... oh well new shoes

>>8080648
You're welcome, pal.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FwZvuV79jeY

>>8080652
Ah well. You only live once and money's not good for anything but spending.

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I moved to Arizona for work a few years ago. I miss Oregon more than anything (picrel). I fucking hate this desert.

I met my gf of about ~1 year here in Arizona and I'm losing attraction to her. This has happened before with my relationships ~1 year in where I feel bored of them, and miss the excitement of dating/seeing new people. We rent together in an apartment and it would be hard to take a break or move out.

I want to visit Oregon soon, but I want to go alone.

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>>8071327
I want to live somewhere in Southern Europe. Tired of the life here.

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Are you ready to leave bodies in your wake as you climb that hill? will the daily battles and the victories pave the way? or will you give Sisyphus another reason to roll in his grave?

We've got a long road ahead of us, and ours is a lonely one, filled with pitfalls and excuses. its a fight absent of fairness, so why would you fight fair.

keep your head up kid, we've a ways to go yet

Met my old lover in the grocery store
Snow was falling Christmas Eve
I stole behind her in the frozen foods
And I touched her on the sleeve
She didn't recognize the face at first
But then her eyes flew open wide
I went to hug her and she spilled her purse
And we laughed until we cried
Took her groceries to the check out stand
The food was totaled up and bagged
We stood there lost in our embarrassment
As the conversation dragged
Went to have ourselves a drink or two
But couldn't find an open bar
Bought a six pack at the liquor store
And we drank it in her car

We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to now
Tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But neither one knew how

She said she'd married her an architect
Who kept her warm and safe and dry
Would have liked to say she loved the man
But she didn't like to lie
I said the years had been a friend to her
And that her eyes were still as blue
But in those eyes I wasn't sure if I
Saw doubt or gratitude
She said she saw me in the record stores
And that I must be doing well
I said the audience was heavenly
But the traveling was hell

We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to now
Tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But neither one knew how
We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to time
Reliving in our eloquence
Another Auld Lang Syne

The beer was empty and our tongues were tired
Running out of things to say
She gave a kiss to me as I got out
And I watched her drive away
Just for a moment I was back at school
And felt that old familiar pain
And as I turned to make my way back home
The snow turned into rain

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>>8080843
>I feel bored of them, and miss the excitement of dating

so take her out on a date then, just because you're together doesn't mean you can't take her out on a date once in a while ffs

I mean you've made it to a year together, so you've both already passed the first big hurdle in any relationship, so how about you literally just make friday night 'date night' and take her out on a date somewhere, just like you presumably used to do before you both started living together and then fell into the rut of the monotonous daily routine of getting up-working-eating-barely talking-sleeping-repeat that's making you 'feel bored'

and just because you 'feel bored' don't then take 'date night' as an excuse to ditch her and try and hook up with someone new on the rebound either; sure you can chat with friends and new people you might meet while you're out together on a date, but meet and talk with them as a couple, after all 'date night' is supposed to be about the two of you doing something fun and different together outside of your regular daily routine

at the end of the day though in a relationship you BOTH have to make an effort to keep it fun and engaging and working, if you both just sit playing with your phones and not talking to each other in the evening after work each day then you're basically just roomates with benefits and the relationship WILL BE doomed - I'll even guess this is very likely a big part of why you've had this happen before, and it WILL happen to you again and again, every single time you meet someone new, if you don't make the effort to keep a relationship going

oh and take her to Oregon with you, treat it as a short (weekend/week-long) vacation together - something you can share together outside of your daily routine like an extended 'date night'; just make the fucking effort, otherwise you should probably stop wasting time stringing successive partners along because you can't be bothered to do a little work to keep any relationship going

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>>8071327
i bought a house today. it's old and needs work but it's mine. good neighborhood. close to family. got a good interest rate

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If i go to work i feel like i did something wrong

If i don't go to work i feel like i did something wrong

So all in all, life is confusing and pretty lame might as well enjoy it i guess, so I'm just gonna grab myself a coffee and watch a movie

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>>8081457
Real AF

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I started a job one month ago. I had been 10 years unemployed because of serious burnout and all the problems related to it. It's 30h a week and mostly the stuff I do there is actually quite enjoyable. Every other week is morning shift and every other week is late shift with possible weekend days too.
I am right now feeling quite tired and anxious over the work and I don't even know why. I wish I won't have another burnout again.

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>>8081681
>If i go to work i feel like i did something wrong

How so? You feel like you're generally in the wrong job and that you should be doing something else? Or you feel you're over-qualified or under-qualified for the job you're in and you're just faking it day-to-day? Or you did something, or were asked to do something by a colleague/manager/boss, that you feel was somehow morally or legally 'wrong'?

All of those things, and just about any other possible issue you may have with 'work', are fixable in some way or other - ignoring the question won't work though, but looking for solutions from within, and sometimes asking for professional help, will.

>If i don't go to work i feel like i did something wrong

If you have a job and, outside of actual illness or planned vacation time, you consciously choose not to go do that job, especially with the world as it is today, then you definitely are doing something wrong, without a shadow of a doubt.

>So all in all, life is confusing and pretty lame

Welcome to the wonderful world of 'adulting'; shit's always real, and sometimes it makes no fucking sense; but most adults have been there and experienced it on some level at some point in time, and they'd mostly agree it sure as heck beats the hell out of just sitting on your ass at home in front of the TV/computer all day drinking coffee and doing fuck all with the best years of your life.

So coffee and a movie can wait until after work to help you unwind at the end of a busy day. Better to go grab life by the balls and hang on for what might be the wildest ride rather than sitting around watching netflix all day and worrying about 'what ifs', because 'what ifs' don't pay the bills - but a paying job does.

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I wanna feel love from a women, i want to look in those eyes and see it clearly, see how im the world of that person and give the double to her. Im 24 and fighting every day to have a better life. Im gonna keep fighting, no matter what.
Also oc, old picture when i was doing analog

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>>8081732
Getting back into a daily work routine after 10 years away is always gonna be a hard adjustment to make, that's kinda to be expected on some level, especially if you were previously (over-)working yourself to the point that you actually burned out.

Equally, going from what, I presume, was a full-time job during regular office working hours with lots of unpaid or paid overtime that left you working into the late evening most days, to a new mostly fixed-hours job with a weekly alternating day/night shift pattern is also quite a serious adjustment that most folks either don't expect, or underestimate, will be something of a problem.

I'll imagine it's actually this change from full-time job to shift work that's playing a big part in why you feel tired and anxious, on top of the fact that you're even working again; and I'll further imagine that the nightwork side of this new job likely leaves you feeling more tired and anxious at the end of the week than the daywork side of things does?

So first thing to look at would be your daily routine and how you approach getting ready for work both during the day-shift cycle and more especially the night-shift cycle, and particularly whether or not you're getting enough quality uninterrupted sleep during the day before you get up and have a shower and 'breakfast' before going to work on a night-shift.

Because not having a good regular routine with some decent sleep time when you're on a night-shift cycle is almost as bad, if not slightly worse, than staying up late drinking and partying when you have work the next morning, or working all the overtime in the world every single day and not making any free time for yourself to relax and unwind; and if this goes unchecked even for a short amount of time it can easily result in extra tiredeness, anxiousness, starting to feel overworked and/or even feeling a bit burned out.

>>8081577
Awesome, anon! Really moving up in life.

I wish I were dead.

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Boredom, mostly.

Started 2nd year of public college, but so far it barely feels like anything has changed form high school. I live in a closed off cul-de-sac and the only time i ever get to leave is for wednesdays (when i have class) and sundays for church. I mostly lack any motivation to do anything, have no specific life goals, and just feel indifferent towards everything. I've been drinking shittons of coffee and I have an inconsistent sleep schedule, I eat crap tons of junk food, I do a good bit of exercise (like 30 minutes in morning and night, nothing too complex) and i mostly just walk around in circles in my neighborhood for entertainment.

I rely a lot on one friend group on the internet ive been with for about 4 years for attention, and I worry that nothing else scratches the itch like they do. I've been branching out to internet forums recently, but its just not the same.

I mostly write everything down in my journal on an inconsistent basis.

ive been watching lots of anime and tv to feel the void. It brings me a good bit of joy.

thoughts?

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>>8081732
nice Trails wallpaper! love that game

>>8082719
ive been out of college for some time, but i do get that feeling of listless. i had it then too. what helped was playing my keyboard piano. and i also had a journal for my thoughts which i hate to reread cuz im sure its fill of young 20s yearning. Id say try to ween off the attention you get from online people and pursue a more outside hobby. thats just me tho. fill that time up with something, its no use letting your mind become like stagnant water, full respect to you anon. you can do it! [cringe to say that i know, but really thats all the mantra you need when things seem grey and you want a change, be the change you wanna see!]

>>8082715
no you dont! i thought the same way, and still kind of do, but we have to live man! stay strong, i believe in you! Im doing it to, despite ho unfair this shit world may be, have the courage and confidence to stand up every morning!

>>8071327
i kinda wanna say that, i did for a while want to die and kill myself, and on my recent birthday (im 26 now) i planned to go to a train station and jump in front of a train. but i had a strange dream two days prior to my bday that effected me deeply. and so i decided to go, and run it off and ponder on it, as well as many other things. 11 miles and i had hit an epiphany, I still cant explain. But it involved getting back in touch with my younger self (who was a avid runner) out on the road. i "felt" that i met him whilst running, a strange presence only lasting a few seconds, then i felt being watched by my relatives who had passed as well. The whole thing lasted about 10 seconds. but thats all that was needed. I finished, changed, and got back to the train station to head home, i sort of reflected on what had occurred to me then. and i nearly broke down and cried there and then and luckily i was alone on the platform so i did in fact let some tears go and then some while on the train lol. 1/2

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>>8082793
afterwards i felt a subtle relief like some weight had been lifted off me that i didnt know was there weighing on me. Now, the dark thoughts dont hit as hard as they used to, and they dont last long. i guess what i had done had some therapeutic effect on me. im not "happier" but i feel much less on edge and the suicidal thoughts have basically nearly stopped. i mean i do still get random bouts of it, but i can more easily 'think' my ought of them. i feel changed. so basically, whats on my mind right now is, where do i take this? i have a simple no responsibility job, but it pays little, i need to get a better job, and im afraid of that change. despite all that ive said, i feel scared still of moving up and gaining more responsibility, i will do my best. I have to; i owe it to myself and to young me. 2/2
oh also, i know this pic isnt wall paper sized, but it is my work. what do you guys think? i mean it fits kinda on my screen lol. hope you all have a good night rests, god bless.

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It all feels like it's about money and status, that's what i'm being pushed towards and I have no ambition for it.
Did a college education that was useless and I'll never use.
I see no future for myself or this planet.
All I ever wanted, more then anything else, was to just be left alone

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some days i feel like im trapped in a prison of my own design
nothing particularly wrong in my life and yet i stare out of my cage and wonder if im missing something yknow?

Its over for me.

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I'm 28 years old. Lately I've noticed that the friends that I have are doing their own thing, and it's not as much of a "tribe" anymore. I don't think there will be a friendsgiving or friendsmas this year. Feels sad, man,


A few of my friends have returned to their ex-girlfriends and can't see why they shouldn't be with them. My one very, very close friend, who I've been best friends with since the third grade, is unemployed and doesn't have much going for him. I'll never leave his side and stop being his friend, but it sometimes gets me down. I find myself becoming very detached from my friends sometimes. Mainly because they are going to do what they want with their lives, regardless of the opinions and advice the people in their corner give them. It feels like everyone is sort of slowly drifting away. I hope it's just part of growing up.

I don't have a girlfriend, and this year has been the dryest year for me, women-wise. I took a back seat from dating at the beginning of the year, and I miss going on dates and getting pussy. I put it on the back burner because I was so tired of leading these women on that I didn't want to date and end up hurting them in the end. Not only was it unfair to them, but to me as well. I was such a dog when I was a few years younger. I still am, but I need to get myself out there again. I'm not a bad-looking guy by any means; I'm becoming more financially literate and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. I know what I must do to get girls in; I've done it before. I was getting good at it until I met my most recent ex-girlfriend. We've been broken up for about a year, and I haven't been the same since. Relationships change you, man. I miss her sometimes. She was a good girlfriend, and she really did love me for me. It sucks that I let cocaine fuck up that part of my life too. Fuck cocaine man.

Going to end this little ramble. Hope you enjoy the wallpaper. I want to vacation somewhere in the winter where there's a shit ton of snow.

>>8081758
needed this, thanks anon

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I'm only 20, currently in my 3rd year at uni, and I'm just losing hope. I'm a computer science major (fucked already), and just trying to land an internship, even after 800 applications, is just demoralizing. I genuinely don't know what I'm doing wrong, like my github has decent projects, I know my way around a couple languages, I've been grinding leetcode, hell I cold email/message recruiters on LinkedIn too. To top that off, I'm currently seeing this girl who lives like an hour away from me, and she's a med student, and like there are periods of time where she just "disappears" to study for exams and stuff, and I get that, shit gets stressful, but I'm like here for you, you can talk to me and stuff. I don't know, I genuinely do like her and dig her personality. I don't know, I feel lost.