I lost everything, mom and dad, wife and daughter, home and friends. I sleep in cheap hotel rooms and drink every day against anxiety. Theres no one to talk to, I'm all alone. When the sun is shining, I go out to the pond and feed the ducks. It's the only thing that makes me smile these days.

>>8080762

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Talk to Michael...
.
.
.
No, but seriously:

>>8080759
Maybe get out of your basement/bedroom/office occasionally and go talk to some actual humans, and perhaps also take a moment to unironically touch some grass while you're out there.

>>8080762
And not to be vaguely unsympathetic sounding, but actually go get yourself some professional help; moping around feeling sorry for yourself all day everyday in a funk of alcohol-induced depression is no way to go through daily life, no matter how tough life may have been, especially when there are actually useful professional support/therapy options available that may be able to help you get beyond some/all of that mess rattling around inside your head.

>>8080759
Get a fucking life nigga

>>8080759
If you're still here OP, how? No AI is a real person, text-gen or otherwise. At least when you are texting with someone, you are talking to a real person on the other end.

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>>8080759
I'm making waffles for dinner

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my dad passed away from a heart attack a couple years ago.
his wife called me while I was at work, told me, and I wanted to cry, but I just couldn't. it's not like I was trying to be some macho tough guy "real men don't cry", I just felt nothing, like emptiness. I'm sad he's gone. he left when I was a young lad, and I only ever got to see him a few times since he fucked off, so I don't know what he's like, I don't know his hobbies, I don't know anything about him.
I can easily blame myself, too, because I only reached out once to see how they were going. my only photos with him are from when I was just born, and the one time he and I scheduled a little camping get away, a drive through the bush and chilling by a lake, drinking a bit, and talking shit about work and whatnot, I was too in-the-moment to think to take any photos of us. I have no keep sakes, aside from fleeting memories.

I have no photos with my mum, either, I live a few hours drive away from her, she's been in hospital a few times lately from bumps/bruises (she drives the fuck off big interstate trucks for a living), has fallen off the truck bed a few times and at this point needs a hip replacement, but she also said she went and got a scan, and she may have cancer.
I just fucking don't know lads. I need to stop being a pathetic fucking retard, get my licence back (unironically expired, and I live too close to work/shops to have cared about getting it renewed), and just... go see her. go do something with her, spend a few hours or a day or more just doing something together, camping, kayaking, making candles, literally anything. but I'm too fucking "work work work" to do it, despite everything about myself wanting to book a week or two off, which would be quickly approved anyway

>>8082900
My breakfast tomorrow for sure

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> going to live in another country in 3 months
>having fun collecting 2000-2003 mtg sets and use the art as wallpaper.
That's about it.

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Trying to monetize my most developed skill in a hypersaturated market.

Audio and mix engineering sucks.

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Its been 2 months since I got dumped by who I thought I would marry. I never felt like that before with anyone. I supported her through a mastectomy, fertility treatments, chemo, and I even changed jobs. Now I'm 29 and all alone again. She dropped some of my stuff off and left a note this week. Signed it off with a heart. She hit me with all the classic bullshit. I helped "heal" her by showing her that she is worthy of love. She loves me but doesn't think she would be happy being married to me. She said she doesn't know how she would have made it through her treatments without me.
Her dad even called to let me know that he though I was a good man and that he believes that things will work out for me "how ever that looks"

But here I am, again. not enough.

I know it is over, and I don't think she's coming back. And even if she did. She's already broken me once. And I don't think I could let it happen a second time.
I thought maybe that I would be relieved that I don't have a girlfriend with breast cancer, but I am just not. That didn't matter to me. I just knew I wanted to be with her and create as much joy as we could, no matter how long or short that was.
I miss her, I miss her parents, I miss the rest of her family and all her nephews.

It just fucking sucks.

I wanted to start a family by now and be further in my career but I just fucking stumble every step of the way. At best I'm going to be old as shit by the time they are older and I could be active with them.

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im going through a very reasonable divorce
we're still cohabitating
she only just started being comfortable hugging me again in my distress after months of me not trying to initiate physical contact
alone... im one of those people who literally has no friends... my heart has started having panic attacks even if my head understands theres no reason to do so
i think some part of me might be broken
she still lowers my blood pressure

sigh

fascinating.

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>>8084116
trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life
getting old and the body is breaking down
cannot sleep due to back pain

>hang in there, anons

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>>8080759
I finally got the job I have wanted for 7 years, but it got me getting stuck living with my parents again. I fell in love with a girl, but she has chosen to be with another, but constantly wanted me to be with her in secret but now her job will make it difficult or impossible to get to see her again. Another woman who is jealous of that other girl constantly wants to become her to me but also wants to cause all drama in my life when I refuse her advances. I feel like a child and failure even though I have mostly accomplished all that I have wanted, but once I got it I don't want it.

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I thought I was donne with my depression but right now I can feel it coming back and I'm afraid of the suicidal thoughts that are starting to creep back in.

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>>8084127
i know those feels, anon

>don't give up just yet

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>>8084118
>constantly wanted me to be with her in secret
anon get the hell away from that thot

>treat you'self with some respect brother

>>8080762

Based duck feeder.

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Got really sick and needed emergency surgery while in bootcamp back in July, ended up getting discharged because of it. I wish I had died on the operating table, my families life would be better. The life insurance would have paid off my wife's bills and freed her from having to constantly support her mom. As it stands I'm an asshole for "quitting" because now we can't afford to live on our own and start a family. Honestly feels like my family liked my paycheck more than me.

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>>8080759
i got addicted to it for a while, but after the 50th chat, the illusion wore off as i started to see patterns. I still don't completely understand it or know if i set it right, i'm also using Kobold Horde so maybe it's something with my setup but i feel like every robot despite the personality i give them ends up being the same, any recommendations if you're more versed?
yoinked your pape btw

>inb4 have you-
yes i have jacked off to sexy AI messages

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>>8084158
Well we were co workers, but now it won't be hard to get away cause she is on a time schedule that I will never see and I have been promoted so put in a different area. I just hate that I can't get over her, with coworkers CONSTANTLY reminding me of her.

MY infant son passed away in the arms of his mother, while holding my finger.

He was born at 26 weeks, 5 days. He Had a disease of the bowel called Necrotizing Enterocolitis. His surgeons attempted to remove the affected tissue and ultimately had to excise 95% of his small intestine and and 50% of his large intestine.

They gave him a very small percentage chance to reach his third birthday, and had we decided to allow him to fight, he would have suffered from infection after infection, constant pain and prohibited development.

We decided to spare him the indignity and misery of this truncated existence and allowed him to pass while we comforted him the best we could.

We stayed with him until the moment of his passing.

I am trying to find the will to put this misery behind me.

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>>8084215
I didn't realize my wallpaper would be removed for posting in incognito mode.

Following up with my wallpaper

>>8084195
take a vacation somewhere

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>>8084215

>no words...

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My mother keeps getting lost coming home from work and today went to work many hours early. I have been alerting her about the signs of dementia/alzheimers for a couple years now but she refused to listen. I guess I can't blame her. We're at the point now where I have to give her her pills, pay the bills, make sure she showers and does her laundry and gets ready for work. She's going to retire after what happened today. I'm a typical neet, don't know how to drive, never worked, very few responsibilities besides taking care of the house and yard work. But in the past couple years I've had to become a caretaker more and more so I'm having to speedrun two people's worth of responsibilities and it's crushing me. I was barely even hanging on before all of this started by throwing my entire being into video games and anime and making the days, weeks, months, and years pass by. It's just me and her, no friends or family to count on. I spend a lot of time just thinking about how nice it would be if I just didn't wake up, because I'd never voluntarily hurt myself with the thought of leaving my mother by herself. I try to keep myself in a good frame of mind but the more she struggles the harder it is on me, and then I have to start all over again. I don't know what to do.

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>>8080759
I'm getting my first house soon with my fiance, still trying to jumpstart a new career. I have noticed I am regressing into a childlike state and have not been feeding myself much and have been gaming far too much as well. Hopefully abstinence from smoking pot will get my mind into a better place again.

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I am starting an internship on monday. Second internship I'm doing this year. I did a bootcamp where they were supposed to BY CONTRACT find me a decently paying job 18k€/year (yes im in an europoor cunt) but it just looks grimmer each day. The internship Im starting is in their own facilities, so it just feels like they said "we will never get a job for this useless cunt, so lets hire him here after we check that he is not totally incompetent".
Also Im 27 and have no drivers license and live with my parents. Even tho I have an amazing gf and I know I will never find anyone who shares so much interests with me, I keep thinking I dumped all my time into her and didn't do things for myself. So I basically "sacrificed" my teenage years to build the basis of a family, but I don't have anything to actually offer her and I even feel like I'm dragging her down.
I dont have savings, I do have plans for the future but how am I gonna realize them? Im getting fat and I smoke too much weed too. Finally I have dermatitis and when I worry too much or start having more anxiety than I can handle my skin start getting fucked up, so I am eternally medicated with corticosteroids and other chems.

>>8084346
>Im getting fat and I smoke too much weed too
kek most suffering is self-inflicted
just stop being a fucking faggot jesus christ

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met a wonderful woman after a 6 year long relationship ended
moving back in with my sister
restarting life but with this new woman
hoping for the best

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>>8084333
There's a reason if pot is addictive, anon, our brains weren't meant to be flooded with huge amounts of the happy chemical like that. If you stop, you'll only reap benefits. Besides, pot also kills your lungs like normal cigarettes.
>>8084361
Please don't fuck your sister anon

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>>8084311
My mom is 5-10 years from being here, and I know I'll have to face all of this but that hardly helps me prepare. I'm still more capable than you though, RIP.

>>8084346
I feel this about the GF. Amazing human being to have in my life but after years of spending time and working, I hardly feel like I have time for myself. It's mostly not true, I know I spend too much time on my phone, but responsibilities feel restricting nonetheless.

My sob is I spent post-high school (almost exclusively) working on writing a science fiction novel. I did five drafts over 4 years and am 18 months into adapting it into a radio drama podcast with the hopes that maybe one day it gets the audience to convince a network to buy me out so I can get a real paycheck. In the meantime, I've worked part-time jobs and stuff with zero experience required which has landed me full-time at a chemical factory that I know is leading me to an early grave, but it's what I need to live and work on my book. I'm pretty sure the podcast (despite my best efforts to build a social media presence before release) will get lost in the algorithm of millions of other better creators, and I'll be thirty with a shitty job, a cringy sci-fi novel, and no house. Anon with the dead baby has it worse though, so I guess yall helped with perspective :-)

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My now ex-gf and I broke up just a few weeks ago and I'm struggling to move on. I feel like it would almost be easier if it were a bad break up, but everything was great between us. The only thing that made it not work was the fact that it was long distance, and then her dad killed himself and she just couldn't deal with it on top of everything else anymore. I'm still in love with her and I don't know how to get past this properly as she was my first real girlfriend. Thankfully I start a new job soon. I can only hope that hard work will gradually take my mind off of everything for a while. I hope her and I can both learn and grow from this and have good lives in the future, and I'll always cherish the memories of our time together. God bless every one of you, I hope you can all get through whatever hardship you're currently dealing with. Even though I feel at my lowest point in a long time, I know that there's always a light at the end of the tunnel and that keeps me going.

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>>8084379
>Please don't fuck your sister anon
absolutely disgusting

>>8084451
Take care of yourself, brother. There is always a brand new day. As long as you look out for those who love, and love yourself, things will end well.

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I think I like someone, but he's 6 years older than me. I'm also nervous about exams. I hope you guys are doing well.

>>8084451
amazing words brother, keep going, life is gonna smile you some day and the sun will rise again

>>8084467
>>8084483
Thank you anons. I appreciate your kind words. I won't give up hope no matter what happens.

>>8080793
>moping around feeling sorry for yourself all day
Nice headcanon since the poster never said he does these you fucking twat

>>8084451
Long distance relationships are hard to maintain.. may I ask some questions to get a better understanding so I can give some advice?
How old are you?
How long were y'all in a relationship?
What was the relationship like?

>>8084630
I'm pretty young, only just turned 21. It wasn't a very long relationship in the grand scheme of things, only around 6 months or so. We were only able to meet in person once, but it was easily the most amazing time either of us had ever had. We had issues of course but it always came down to the distance, whether it be anxiety or longing. But we definitely loved each other. I'm slightly autistic (which is probably a given seeing as I'm posting here) and it's a lot harder for me to let go of things when they've become the norm to me. It still just doesn't fully feel real.

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>>8084127
It sucks man. I've dealt with Suicidal Ideation for a long ass time. With therapy, it gets easier to ride the waves, but it never really goes away. As a guy with a second lease on life, I can tell you, therapy helps a lot man. give it a shot.

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>>8080759
I feel my life is crumbling beautifully.

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I'm in a toxic codependent relationship running on the 7th year. I feel like i must finally man up and end things before Christmas holidays but i'm afraid how it goes. Or more like i know it's gonna go badly and it's really stressing me out constantly, cause every time i have tried to talk to her about it previously she guilt trips me into staying and going back on my decision, so i know she will fight me every inch of the way. And if i succeed she will tell god knows what about me and or probably also do something... to me or to herself.

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>>8082975
Not sure if it helps, but your ex strikes me as a parasite. She took the best out of you and now she makes you suffer. Quit thinking about her, find a cozy place to live or a fight to die for. Women will flock to you naturally and you may find an endless and more sincere love.

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>>8084658
I'm going through something similar where my wife and I feel like hedgehogs hurting each other trying to stay close. You may want to step back from your situation and choose what is best for you in the long run. The future may offer you an unexpected and wide range of possibilities that you are not seeing by focusing on the present complications.

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My house has been falling apart for years and I don't have the money to fix it up or to move. And even if I did have the money, that means I'd have to continue to live in this ghetto shit-hole of a town surrounded by obnoxious bean niggers. The roof's got a couple holes in it where rainwater gets in and diverts it around the house, where it's rotted out gaping holes in my kitchen and bathroom ceilings. It leaks in every room of my house and is especially bad during heavy rainstorms. The whole plumbing system is fucked, No working toilet or shower, no hot water since my water heater's been busted for almost 6 years now. The water comes out looking brown and dirty sometimes. We have no heating which is going to suck with winter coming up. I feel like a squatter in my own home. Living like this is embarrassing. I have no one to talk to or to ask for help. I'm stuck in this rotting corpse of a house waiting out the inevitable. I'm always thinking of moving somewhere quiet and peaceful, away from everyone, where I can live a life of isolation and obscurity. But that's never going to happen.

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>>8084311
Well I suppose I have a sort of update. My mother forgot who I was for the very first time yesterday. It was a short episode and she snapped out of it, but she looked directly at me and asked where I was. She thought I was my uncle, one who she hasn't seen in over a decade. It was pretty devastating, I'm not sure I've ever cried like that in my life. It almost feels like mourning.

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i have suddenly gotten really intense feelings for a friend of mine, she's in a transitional phase of her life, not many friends, no prospects for a bf, and here i am, with intense feelings for her, and she doesn't even think about me in the slightest.

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i can feel my gf growing distant from me but she insists its just circumstances
oh well, i guess that's just how it'll be. not debasing myself to beg for her, i already talked about it, we'll see how it goes from here
it sucks but if it has to be this way, then i trust God

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life feels exactly the same and completely new at the same time. the prospect of growing older makes me feel tired already and im only 24. this world feels more and more evil by the day and the longer i push for good the more i get set back. i know this is a test and we must preserve but at what point will a soldier give up ? at what point do you look up and say >ive had it it ?
and when does it become better ?
everywhere ive heard it only gets worse from here. it's always been worse. i dont even know where to begin im trying so many different avenues to feel authentically me and this feeling in my skin persists and i cant keep my brain going like this while also pushing my body to its physical abilities through mundane tidiem - im getting fed up with the current systems and all approachs to remedy the situation are not working there needs to be a major shifting or else it feels my brain will explode from inside itself. /endrant

>>8084116
I love this picture anon, I don't know what but it says something to me. Thank you.

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>>8084659
Thanks Anon.

It's been almost 3 months now. Not really any better yet. It's hard to tell what is from her being inexperienced, facing a life of cancer at 25, or just plain trying to comfort herself however she can. I know that she is a good person and means well but, I really can't tell if she got scared of the commitment or just plain really doesn't see me as someone she spend the rest of her life with. Her reason for that was pretty lame IMO so hard to tell if she is just stupid or making it up.

I made her cry this week. Was chatting with a friend and she happened to be near by and stealing looks at me. I decided fuck it, I will still be seeing her around unless I move away so might as well at least try some small talk to be polite IDFK. Made it about 10 seconds into hi, how you doing, hope the rest of your treatment went well...etc., and she started crying saying it was too much. So I walked off.

Got a text later saying essentially: sorry for being emotional, I'm glad you said hi. I miss you and its easy for all the emotion to flood back when I see you. I miss what we shared and the connection we had. wanted you to know that its not that I don't want to see you and talk but talking and not being able to go back to our old ways was overwhelming.

So at least she probably gets that she fucked up cutting me loose. I left it at that and haven't responded. At best I would be sending a thumbs up emoji and at worst I want to tell her, "yeah you dumped me. what the fuck do you think would happen? we would just be friends like nothing happened?

Trying not to think of her, but got ghosted on 2 dates and had a heifer show up to another. Also went to a family wedding and that was tough seeing people get to do what I had been dreaming about.

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>>8085332
cont...
I've been struggling to stay disciplined at work, gym, chores, cooking... Just am tired and not been handing my new role at work as well as I'd hoped. Church, and some new friends to play pathfinder with has helped but definitely have had a few nights that I am just so close to losing my shit, selling everything and moving somewhere to homestead or die trying.

>>8084346
Stop smoking, ez pz anon...

>>8084639
Yeah, it is very tough to stay in it long distance long term. I've had 3 fail that way. I've found if there is no plan or timeline to close the distance, there isn't really a hope for things to change. It does suck but anon, you are still pretty young in the grand scheme of things. Sometimes life will sweep you off your feet fast than you ever expect.

>>8085315
Not to trying to be too preachy but maybe try church. Since I've been back in church and really trying to develop my faith. Things have been better for me. It doesn't mean hard times don't happen. But I am definitely dealing with it better than I would have been. Specifically, some young adult groups and not just going to church on Sunday alone. It's definitely difficult if you are shy/introverted but it's good to make yourself a little OK being uncomfortable for a bit.