I frown all the time no matter where I am. And everyone can sense it. It's the feeling of dreams that never came true, like I'm a child who got a candy bar ripped from my hands. Yet the only "dream" I can imagine right now is having 4 million dollars. It's like my soul is scarred from disappointment after disappointment. I'm trying law of attraction for my 4 million dollars, which I"m pretty sure will make me happy, but I can't get over the physical feeling of misery every day, the lack of energy. I've tried seeking Christ but i end up in the same place. Where am I supposed to go? Am I the reincarnation of a wealthy person and I'm depressed by the downgrade my life is?? Or am I reincarnated from someone very poor and miserable and it hasn't worn off? I've felt this way for the past 12 years, whenever I start to feel normal somebody shuts me down and puts me in a place of misery again, I either fuck something up and get scolded or what. I don't feel like I deserve this so why does it keep happening.
>>38268808>>>/adv/
>>38268808I used to be empathetic to other people. I wanted to take homeless people to my house and give them food and water. I was so weak and gentle, and I feel like I just need a good cry but it's not coming, I used to cry ALL the time. Now I can't I just dwell on the feeling of being sad. I look around me and I'm blessed. But I still just feel so sad. And the only thing I can get put together that I want that I'm missing is millions of dollars. Feeling/being important. Owning a car dealership or something. Maybe I just want the universe to whisper in my ear "I love you." Maybe I feel ashamed of feeling superior to anybody ever and this is how shame feels. Or maybe my soul just wants the resources to help others in need how I wanted to when I was a kid. It just never goes away. The majority of people can say they have bad lives or whatnot but I'm a mess and it's so drastic you can see it, it's just unmistakable, and when I think of owning a mansion, being in a high social class, owning businesses, I feel OK for a second. What does this mean.
>>38268832I posted it there. Maybe none of this is worded the right way. There's magnets pulling the corners of my face down
>>38268808Clowns frown all the time OP.Remember that!
>>38268808We live in a dream (or a 'simulation, if you will) that seems specifically designed to produce a sense of frustration and lack of fulfillment -- if not outright pain and misery. You can go the pessimistic route and interpret of it a some kind of "loosh farm", which to me only compounds the meaninglessness. Or you can adopt the path of faith, and see this life as a finite experience of unfulfillment that is logically necessary in order to engineer an eternal life of bliss that is specific to your unique soul. In the meantime, I suggest meditation on the wisdom of the Beatitudes, the Tao Te Ching, the Dhammapada, etc. I wish you peace and contentment, anon.
>>38268868>There's magnets pulling the corners of my face down
It sounds like being scolded by people has something to do with itI think depression is a type of defence mechanism that must serve a purpose to bring the body back to equilibirim after a trauma or something... idk nowadays when im depressed i just sleep a bunch and spend time alone in nature and it goes away.. crying can help too
>>38268808op I have thought about this exact thing before, I came to the realisation that my facial muscles formed that way because I frown more than I smile, so the default becomes the smile. I don't know if that's true at all but it rings true with me so I stopped thinking about it
>>38268808you have parasites.you probably crave sweets and carbs for comfort, right? worms want you to be sad so you will eat what they want.
>>38268808Depression is for faggots
depression is caused by not being my bf
>>38270439Whats the best antiparasitic?
>>38268808>like I'm a child who got a candy bar ripped from my hands.You are the victim of an abusive upbringing.You might be delusional and grandiose in fantasies as a means to escape the real world where you, as a small baby, were crushed by someone much bigger and older than you are.You might either fluctuate that you're the reincarnation of someone great and wealthy (the best person), or that you are someone who was poor and dirty (the worst person), because you were objectified, rated in both unnecessary positive and negative contexts as a child.The tldr of the issue is that you are struggling to grow as an adult because of unaddressed childhood trauma.
>>38268808Realizing you kinda suck and cant fix it
>>38268845It means you on some level realized the you are fully material and what really matters are material things
>>38273657Which is why successful people like robin williams or ernest hemingway had depression right?
>>38273700YesHemingway was an alcoholic and couldnt keep his marriage together and Williams was a drug addict and ended up with actual brain diseaseThese problems contributed
Coz we're all not getting everything we need to live which we would've gotten in some old world.
>>38273739Pretty much just the period postwar and before the 70s. Cant tell me a medieval peasant had it better. Sure he worked fewer hours but we don't have to deal with bandits or dying in our teens of an abscessed tooth.
>>38268845You are definitely, certainly the receiver of abuse by a narcissistic parent.Your questions are almost suspiciously too easy to answer.When that kind of abuse happens to you, it can either bring out your empathy, or turn if off completely, making you into a narcissist yourself like the parent.Since you express some degree of empathy it sounds like you are the co-dependent lacking self-love in a narcissistic relationship.I would even wager that you are still in the relationship with this person as well.You might feel compelled to chase after this form of "success" - financial based on dysfunctional values your abuser instilled into you and maybe even because the nature of the relationship is so transactional, you have to pay back your own parent just for giving birth to you.If you want my personal opinion: don't chase after that money, it won't fix you, it won't make you happy.You work yourself to death and make sacrifices for a dream.Don't sacrifice what's left of your youth for something far out of reach if it's not really your dream.Running a car dealership, or an enterprise of some sort sounds more like the end-dream, more than the money, aim for that.It doesn't even have to be a car dealership it could be a farm or a fishing vessel an oil tanker, an online record store.Think about what you really want, not some other image of "success" you were battered into understanding.
>>38273746Yeah but we lack so much socially. We perhaps have never lived more similar lives globally yet we here feel so alone . Go back to whatever time and people lived so closely.And I guess the freedom that this time gives us,well not in the true sense but an apparent freedom and most of us aren't capable of handling that. As opposed to the older days when you got up and did what your father did. Or if you were especially motivated did something fucking different but still had something to fall back on.
>>38273776>As opposed to the older days when you got up and did what your father did.No one wants to live in his father's shadow, so why are you jealous?You can become your own person.If your father was a latrine scraper by trade, would you accept that lot in life?If your father made a fortune by exploiting vulnerable people, stealing their land and you could see it, would you want to take after that?
it's a natural response to an inhuman cruel society
