i was heavily abused during my childhood. psychological, sexual, and physical. there were things i can still remember that were very cult-like and seemingly spiritual. my goal is to try to come to terms with my experiences and move on. as people who study this kind of thing intentionally, do you think it would be better for me to learn more about this subject, or just leave it behind? i don't want to talk about it in detail right now as i prefer to make decisions like this over a long enough period of time i know it isn't a passing mood, it's an actual desire, but whatever help or advice you can offer on making that decision would be appreciated.
Hey OP. I'm sorry that you had to endure those vile incidents. No one should ever have to endure abuse. My advice is to let go of the past and look ahead to the future. Some people struggle with holding on to the past so that they never have any future whatsoever.
>>38433072Doesn't matter. Extinction is inevitable
>>38433106thanks for the kind words. my future is not too bright at the moment, and i have chronic nightmares that cause me to relive much of what i have experienced. i want to move on and look to the future too, but it's difficult, and i feel stuck. part of me wonders if understanding some things might help them be less of an open question that bothers me, but i also worry the answers would be even worse than the wondering. thanks for your post.>>38433172the human race going extinct doesn't matter, i have a life to live if i can tolerate it.
>>38433072Knowing means you're going to re-experience emotionally what was felt. Prepare yourself. Let others know if any what's up with you. Make sure everything is stable. Then, good luck. Reintegration is there.
>>38433216i already relive it at night. what is reintegration? this is the sort of thing i need to know about.
>>38433226Was there lost time? Was there something hazy? Incorrect memories? Multiple personalities? Reintegration is the piecing back together what was torn apart. What was done can be undone.Reliving at night, is a painful re-rendition of the trauma? You'll have to tell those responsible what they have done, and start to kill their idea in your head. You have to let the expression of what you felt out and make it a true externality. You're stuck in a trauma loop.
I'll give you this one piece of advice: you can come to terms with almost anything once you realize that this earth is a shame prison designed to expose you to experiences that make you feel fear, guilt, remorse and sadness. Think about it, what could be more shameful than being a human? Even the most successful and lucky people are still flesh golems that subsist on the decaying flesh of other creatures, gracelessly shitting it out into a toilet bowl every day, wiping their dirty anuses and then waking up to do the same thing several thousand times. Existence is shame, and you were put here to feel shame.When you realize this though, it's an empowering thing. Once you realize that you were literally designed to feel shame and that these shame-inflicting events were pre-meditated, they no longer have any power over you. At risk of sounding like a faggot, it's like a video game: you start out on easy mode, and the game gets continually harder, exposing you to increasingly difficult odds until you either give up, or win. To "win" in this scenario is the same as a game: overcome it, beat it, accept that you had no control over and keep on trucking anyway. Strive to undo the damages of shame by being a force of goodness that creates love and harmony instead of more shame. Shame HATES this.
>>38433284i don't think it can really be "un-done". maybe repaired, but that's different, isn't it? i can't tell those responsible what they have done. i don't know most of them. does that need to be literal? is there some book about healing these things that you are pulling from?
>>38433518>does that need to be literalIt needs to be expressed by you vocally and intentionally and meaningfully. You have to manifest within yourself your way out of a trauma loop. You don't have to -literally- like sit them down in a room, just in as best you can make it known because the important part is that you know you tried, because it's YOUR mind state you're effecting.
>>38433072Preface, this is going to sound strange. I also had a mildly fucked up childhood. Wasn't beaten all the time or anything, but if the hazed memories are right, there was definitely some sexual abuse alongside all of the antics you can imagine out of alcoholic, pill addicted parents over the course of 8 years. It all resulted in what I assess to be a sort of fractured persona/sense of self, and an inherent sense of dread and nihilism which I've been trying to piece back together and heal respectively.By chance, a friend of mine recommended a book that we've started reading together called House of Leaves. It presents itself as a horror story, but the author also "endorsed reader's interpretation as a love story" Disregarding the strange format and the literal events of the book, it does a good job of describing what it's like to relive trauma, how we try to trace the roots of it, and how we unconsciously take on that damage as part of our persona(s) emphasis on the plurality of persona. I don't know if it was intentional, but I'd swear by some of the little subtle hints here and there that the author has decent knowledge of and has applied a form of emotional alchemy, that's the only way I can describe it. The way it directs you to look at the same kinds of trauma from several angles while somewhat subtly referencing a central point made things click for me in a positive way. I admit I haven't finished it yet, still in the process, but I like it so far and it's been a pleasant surprise to me since I've been able to use it towards gaining fresh perspectives on my own experiences. Don't know, when I read your post it was the first thing that came to mind aside from the usual "get a therapist" talk. At worst it would be a nice read.
I know someone who can help youSend me a message to iwantbooks@tutamail.com
Find them and kill them
>>38433072It's best to come to terms with it, but do it slowly.
>>38433072Yea theres a girl on youtube i saw shes a nurse now but her parent abused her sexually and shes a miracle case she got adopted to a great couple but they diagnosed her as a psychopath sociopath etc... becuz she was so effed up but she healed and amazingly became a nurse it would be advisable to work through it probably i had some stuff too but thankfully not sexual and i worked through it pretty well and im much stronger and smarter after doing that. It can take a long time too meditate
>>38433072Whatever you do, I suggest you do it alone.Whatever paradigm you work through, including mainstream psychiatry, give people ample opportunity to abuse you further.Even the well meaning largely don't know what they're talking about.If I were you I'd take the nightmares as a positive, traumatic experiences of mine have been converted through repeating nightmares.Good luck.
