I'm 21 years old, diagnosed schizophrenic. I accept my diagnosis but there are aspects of my psyche that I question whether they are part of the illness. Since the age of 16 I've had an obsession with the demonic, Satanism and the Devil. I'm a Christian but these things I obsess over and read about a lot. I've suffered for many years from violent and evil thoughts that I do not believe come from me. I feel compelled to do violence and on several occasions almost have. Two months ago I almost strangled my cat, I had my hands wrapped around its neck and I felt the pressure building up in my hands. I didn't hurt it but I was a inch away from squeezing.I accept I am schizophrenic but I feel that I may also be suffering from diabolical obsession. There is an entry point in my past but I don't want to talk about that.What should I do? Should I go to a priest? Will they just dismiss me as schizophrenic? How can I fix this? Medication makes no difference
>>39230109Go to a priest and tell them about the entry point, specify that you understand that you're schizophrenic and that the symptoms related to your illness are not caused by anything diabolical. That will clear the air very quickly. Tell him what you just said, that you have strange and unnatural problems with sudden aggression and believe yourself to be under obsession. Be open to everything he says, do not be hostile, take whatever medication you have prescribed to you beforehand to ensure that you are in as sound a state of mind as possible.
>>39230109Setting aside potential root causes, this sounds kinda like OCD, especially since you haven't actually done any of the things even if you felt like you were nearly going to. And OCD supposedly responds well to antidepressants, though I'm wary of recommending psych meds in general. Antipsychotics on the other hand (which is what you would usually be given mainly for schizo) may exacerbate OCD symptoms sometimes in some people.
>>39230282I think I will do this. Just to have it ruled out would be a positive to be quite honest>>39230328OCD was a proposed diagnosis for me when I was a teen but I never was officially diagnosed with it. I asked a psychiatrist about that earlier this year and he said a couple things, one being that developing schizophrenia can look like lots of different conditions including autism, depression, etc. all of which I was proposed to have had. Secondly he said that some of the symptoms of OCD can appear in schizophrenia. And thirdly he said I would have to be very unlucky to have both those conditions at once, but I have to say I wasn't 100% convinced by all that and you saying this here does seem to suggest it being possible. Worth mentioning that I didn't suffer with some of these symptoms as badly whilst on antidepressants but I haven't been on them since last February and things have only gotten worse in recent months. It's all so fucking complicated.
>>39230109Practice Demonolatry.200+ years ago, you would have been diagnosed with "Possessed by Demon". You are. Your best bet to "tame" this demon is to befriend it rather than try control/banish it. Start of learning names of all the demons, perhaps one will resonate with you most. Afterwards, start invoking the most interesting demons (as you see fit). After even just a year of practice you can ignite within you the skill and potential for full possession, which is one of the desires of demons "attempting" to possess you (it will never be as fully effective without your full trust and cooperation).The ugly truth is that for some of us, those closely aligned with demons, the Devil and Satan, meds don't help. Can't help. THerapy and psychiatry don't help. A trip to the psych ward only psotpones the eventual inevitable collapse.Gotta work it on your own. Otherwise the only way out is suicide.Use drugs if you have to.
>>39230359>he said I would have to be very unlucky to have both those conditions at onceI haven't investigated the topic especially deeply, but a while ago I came across an article about a paper arguing that the official "disorder" labels don't capture the underlying terrain very well in that if you investigate collections of symptoms statistically, the disorders don't show up as distingishable clusters: https://www.psychiatrymargins.com/p/traditional-dsm-disorders-dissolve?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email&utm_content=shareSo yeah Idk if it's right to think of it as if you have a certain probability of getting one disorder and a certain probability of getting another so the probability of getting both should be much less. Rather the symptoms are the primary entities and the "disorders" are just labels for certain semi-arbitrary collections of symptoms.So treating symptoms should take priority imo, since those are at least definitely real.And yeah it is annoyingly complicated.Definitely try the priest as well if you can find a good one. Best case scenario they secretly have a better idea of what's going on than the psychiatrists.I would also like to say that ime people with OCD symptoms are often quite good people in practice even if they may feel otherwise quite often.
>>39230536Thanks friend. I appreciate you taking the time to say all that. I'm going to mass this Sunday and I'm gonna see if I can talk to one of the priests at the cathedral while I'm there. Also gonna contact my doctor and ask to look into to this stuff because the first thing exorcists do is send you to get medically cleared so it's best I do both.Thanks again>>39230532Get behind me Satan
>>39230608Satan claims Victory. This is Their Era now.
>>39230608How old was this person so said you were a schizo and not an ocd autist? Autism knowledge is super underdeveloped and if it was some boomer who didn't specialize in autism who was telling you this stuff I might recommend seek out a second opinion from a psychologist who is younger and preferably specializes in autism and ocd type stuff. The stuff that you're describing could be some very eccentric ocd type stuff.
>>39230975Autistics don't have delusions, paranoia, cognitive deterioration, and suffer a variety of hallucinations. I am definitely schizo and I've met over a dozen psychiatrists since being diagnosed and none of them have ever questioned that diagnosis. They are very certain that I am schizophrenic, as am I. In fact, I had the diagnosis reaffirmed to me the other day by a doctor who met me for the first time. The only time I doubt the diagnosis is when I'm ill
>>39230109>>39230109>21You're old enough to make your own decisions, and young enough to learn new skills. Just remember to keep practicing as often as possible. All systems of belief are flawed, and its only by testing the system that those faults can be found and fixed.>violent urgesI had those, and I still have them. I lost control many times until I found ways to cope. Doing things that force me to be peaceful helped, like playing casual video games for the story, art and music, reading, exercise, meditation, and prayer.>I almost strangled my catIt's easy to abuse animals if you see them as inferior to yourself. Pretend you are your cat, do what your cat does, think what your cat thinks, feel what your cat feels, and know that your similarities are far greater than your differences. Anyone can say they "love animals" but few can accept that they are animals themselves.>thoughts that I do not believe come from me.I believed the same. Then I realized I don't know where any of my thoughts "come from". They exist as part of me, yet they are not all that I am. I can control how I react to thoughts I have to a certain extent, but beyond that it's all shadows casting more shadows.>There is an entry point in my past but I don't want to talk about that.>What should I do?I used to explain my evil urges as the work of demons and such, in an attempt to shine a light into the shadows. Giving my urges a name helped me to detach myself from the responsibility of controlling them. Sadly, it did not give me the control I desired. Maybe you can make it work, but if you can't then I recommend you view these urges as instinctual. If you can't view such a mundane word as useful in a spiritual context, remember that words mean what you want them to mean.
