i'm on hrt but don't want to socially transition as i know it won't make me happyi don't want to stop hrt as i don't want to get more masculine again and lose progressi would kill myself if i knew there was an afterlife but since there isn't i'm just stuck looking like an odd man with long hair and little facial hairwhat the fuck do i do?
>>42175880The body isn't causing me horrible psychic pain. It's just a feeling of incongruence. Look down and, oh, still not used to boobs and vagina being there. It feels like I'm constantly playing a role expected of me because of the way I look instead of being my authentic self.I transitioned because life as a man wasn't working. Tried to man up but failed repeatedly. No bf. Hated having sex with my dick.
>>42175922I get where you're coming from. What would you like to change about your situation?
>>42175895Tbhon I would be scared if the male identity were to come back now (18-19yrs later). But I'm pretty sure I could kill it again.Besides, two decades on E have quite literally made it impossible for a male identity to survive heh.Still, I do think that loving yourself helps a lot more than anything else. I love being a woman way too much to allow room for doubt. Heck, I don't even remember how I used to walk before transition. Or how I'd clap. Or really any small gesture that has gradually become feminine.And this doesn't scare me. Quite the opposite, it fills me with joy.
>>42175937I don't know how to be a man anymore either but it's like, weird. My identity is now as a weird male creature thing. I am not physically well enough to really continue as a woman and I keep doing my weekly injections despite often just wanting to stop.
>>42175930I think at this point I want to save up enough money to retire early and then drop the performance. Just be a little soft dude chilling, eating chocolate and cuddling a bigger dude while watching TV or gaming with him, if I can find such a dude.I don't want to put my body through a bunch of surgeries again to try to make myself look masculine. I've had enough of surgery for one lifetime.
It feels like every troon on this hellsite is "Fatmaxx" this or "starvemaxx" that. I present option 3, Pukemaxxing! Allows you to eat as much as you want while still maintaining that feminine figure you crave. Its also a very self intimate and intensive activity that leaves you feeling vulnerable and submissive by its very nature. Vomit your way into feminimity anons, puke your way into your perfect body. I totally dont have Emetophilia and just want to imagine my fellow troons throwing up, the pukepill is very real.
>>42174797sooooo this is just bulimia
>>42175242you went from one unhealthy relationship with food to another one. Ironically all this shows it's how difficult it is to manage a health relationship with food and its how painful it is and how there is a link between overeating and undereating.
>>42175242I also try to do the thing where I only eat late into the day, but it's hard to do properly. I'm just looking into eating the most filling things I can that have the least calories. Potatoes by themselves seem to provide quite a lot of filling potential without a lot of calories. I can mostly deal with being hungry as long as I'm not at home, so I have to have a solution for when I am home. I can definitely attest that just eating less so that I could go from fat to a normal weight was surprisingly easy by just only eating near the end of the day. Normal weight to slim is the hard part.
i made myself throw up yesterdayit was gross and brown because i ate chocolate cookies
>>42175242>you will ironically feel less hungry the longer you go hungry.this is so true and i would take that further and say i dont really feel 'hungry' at all anymore after like a week of not eating, but i still feel like i want to eat only because i crave how good things taste, but its much easier to ignore it at that point. the first day is the absolute worst and then its easy going.
SRS havers, what was it like at the moment when you woke up after surgery and you first felt your dick was gone? was is how you expected?
>>42171262>what was it like at the moment when you woke up after surgery and you first felt your dick was gone?I didn't really feel anything because everything down there was numb. I could tell that it wasn't just a tuck under the bandages though (I was huge pre-op)>was is how you expected?Yes, I knew it'd be numb since I researched a ton about SRS before doing it myself. I still cried from happiness though in front of the Thai nurses after waking up which was really embarrassing.
>>42172351yeah it was actually pretty painful for a whilea lot of times i would feel like my clit is being stabbed and then there is the dilation
When does it stop being numb? when was your first chance to feel that things were different?
>>42175884nta but mine hurt more than it was really numbmaybe in the hospital but that's so hazy. it wasn't really numb after i left. for me the first chance was when the bandages were coming off
Pain. I had all kinds of tubes coming out of me, and it was packed.I got morphine but still felt pain, it was extreme. The morphine made me throw up. Im glad its done but fucking hell that surgery was rough. The patient coordinator said i was screaming under anesthetic whilst the operation was performed.Its taken about 7 weeks for me to be able to walk short distances. But its definitely worth it to have a vagina.
Are there actually any questioners on this board left? Or did the concept die out?I would consider myself to be questioning my gender, mostly because I'm too emotionally detached to figure anything out.Do I have dysphoria? I don't know. I have no clue what it means for my body to feel right nor wrong. Wouldn't my body be just be a vessel either way?Would I like to be a woman, or do I already like being a man? I don't know. Both feel like arbitrary concepts to me, with up and downsides. I feel nothing in regards to being a man, and I can't imagine what I would feel in regards to being a woman.It's been over a year of constantly thinking about this, and feeling torn back and forth, and I feel like I'm still at square one.
>>42175245You will never do anything in your life that you're sure of until after you've made severe mistakes and maybe not even then. If you want clarity, you have to take some shots in the dark, no way around it. Good luck
>>42175328How long did it take for transitioning to have an effect on your mental state and how you perceive your emotions?I can't even imagine what it means to feel good about my body, so how can I know that it isn't already the case for me?Also, it's very likely that you've read one of my past posts
>>42175489Uhh that depends. So where i live you will definitely get hon dosed for the first year which essentially means menopause for an entire year. That sucked and was very hard and mood swingy. Then after that i got on a real dose of injections. I think about 6 months in i cried for the first time in forever but it took a year before i could feel more then one emotion at a time. For the first menopausey year i was questioning if i was really trans or not but i figured i was planning on killing myself anyway so why not try it before. Im glad i did things are like day and night. Having emotions is actually really hard and learning to be a responsible adult is too but thats life.
>>42175551Where I live I'd definitely also get hondosed by almost all endos, which is why I'd prefer to stick with diy. I've been on injections for 3 months at most at a time, and I definitely haven't felt any notable mental effects, but knowing that it can take longer than that is kinda reassuring. I have lost touch with most of my emotions in the past decade, so I guess it can't really get much worse. That's also the main reason I struggle so much to determine what I really feel about my body and self
>>42175166Definitely, but how do I differentiate between the two?
Someone here probably knows a good supplier for hormone medication that ships in the EU. I wouldn't even know where to start looking for that :(
>>42175902
Hey OP, can you let us know why your IP address has thousands of posts on mumsnet?
there's a general for questions like this
>>42175957I'm actually not an agent, I'm just a fucking noop here.I want to get estradiol cream for my dick to increase nerve density
im pretty and i pass but sometimes i go on grindr and fantasise about getting absolutely railed by all the non passing twink hons on there. something about them turns me on so much… am i cooked?
I can't look like this, so transitioning isn't worth it.
i wish i could look like that desu but im 27 and desu........ yeah.
>>42174215I wish I could transform into that at night and then go back to being a mild mannered nerd guy in the day, like a perverted version of superman.
>>42175521i just wish I would transform into that and stay that way.
>>42175872locked in forever
>>42174215Mental illness fr
QOTT: are you into men?
im igly
>>42172739I never learned how to and now I won't be seen in water alive and the ocean always made me uncomfortable so I guess I'll never learn it
I hate men so much
givingupmoder
no matter how edgy I try to be, the only thing the gets me banned from online communities is saying I hate men
Why do transpeople want to spent so much damn money on a surgeryWhy not a new car?
>>42175816srshon detected
>>42175727also less browns
>>42175830They don't bother me, my most hated demographic on transport is old people that have the most disgusting cough you've ever heard for the entire ride. Sick people in general I don't want to see them
>>42175724>tiny busI have leg space and dont have to be hyperfocused all the time unlike in your tin can
>>42175744Never said I could nigger
>tfw Scorpio Moon, the most malebrained moon sign, so I can never be a real girl
I need a male brained tranner gf so bad
>>42173752That's crazy....but who asked?
no one needs to I simply must have her
>>42173559Other than the very first line (I’ve only ever dated older ppl) it’s all pretty scarily accurate. Like 23 was the year I trooned out. I haven’t made it to 34 yet so that’s exciting to look forward to. Thank you so much, anon.
>>42173546Plus I’m a musician, so I spend a lot of time in my bedroom writing music, and that’s honestly the most fulfilling aspect of my life. And I fell in love with someone while on tour this year (a short journey) so lots of things clicked in really specific ways.
>Woken up by the nightmare where I'm forced to get SRS againAny other tranners terrified by the idea of having a pussy?
>>42173460of the end result? noin my dreams or when my proprioception drifts that's what's there anywayi'm terrified of the process thoughwhere i am right now i can't even imagine being able to just calmly exist bedridden in a hospital bed completely at the mercy of strangers
>>42175868why sadly?did you go to discount dan's slash n tuck or something?
>>42173460It freaks me put yet simultaneously I want one worse than I want my next breath
>>42175910no it works fine but penises are superior
You're ftm, yeah?
what to do when you have boymoders in your walls and under your floorboards?
>>42169131>>42171290>>42172781>down in the boymoder bunker
>>42171290>>42173217idk anti booli bunker :3
>>42169131wdym like against them?
>>42150862find them a good home
>>42173358Amazing... your creative skills know no bounds!They really ought to bring headpats to the military... nothing feels as good as getting a reassuring pat on the head from your commanding officer!
or any roachcel related image
>>42175761I wish I was a bunny getting held by mwahon
>>42175774I would let you poop on my carpet and kiss you
>>42175726Here you go
>>42175861nono, like the one thats actually degrading
>>42175877Oh, one with a pooner caricature? I'm not sure, don't think I have that one. I have a fuck ton of ftm/pooner related shit though
there just deserves to be one at all timesplease send bwc
hate being older transgirl into other transgirls wanting to dominate rn sigh
need to get forcefed a serum that turns me into a shota and hyperpreg anally knocked up
Cocks are just so fucking sexy. I see one and every part of my brain turns off other than wanting to pleasure it.
>>42175174Sounds like youd be very easy to frustrate by tying you up and just making you watch me play with mine
>>42175174This. I'm otherwise proud as a man and I try to be as cool and masculine as I can be in daily life but put me in a room with an exposed cock and I instantly become nothing more than a hole
I try to jerk off at least once a week to keep my penis from shrinking or getting erectile dysfunction but, now I finish before I even touch it just from rubbing my nipples, will t cream help?
>>42171724ive been trying to do it once a week minimum as well. you just gotta actually get erect and try. i usually try to get an erection then press on my taint to get it to max hardness and then just chill. my libido is often so tanked that i dont care for finishing but try to get my penis erect two to three times during that one moment.
>>42171724once a week isnt enough i think i tried having sex for the first time last week and it got so erect it hurt and i had to stop
this is pure sissy fetish posting, hrt makes it harder to get orgasms so this literally makes no sense keep you bullshit out of my catalog
>>42171724I wish I had a quickshot gf so bad
>>42171724you need an estrogen cream to help shrink the pp
