last >>36640220destined death editionqott how do you stop being a useless sack of mentally ill depressed non functional shit and do something instead of wanting to die all the time
>>36645015get a life
>>36645015>how do you stop being a useless sack of mentally ill depressed non functional shit and do something instead of wanting to die all the timekinda just force myself to. If I'm gonna be miserable, I might as well try to become happy.
>>36645015pro tip get good
>>36645008im a transwoman, gaygen isn't for memtfg is>>36645021they're so annoying though and they refuse to trip
>>36645002I never recommended nix that's another person me personally I think building your own stuff on arch is the ideal but skipping over it with things like garuda isn't too bad and I'd love nobara if it wasnt suicidal>>36645006Yes I am female miss>>36645021Shoutout me for being cool
>>36645027>>36645030how
what do you hatr laguna?
>>36645031Nope actually I'm the best and you're just mad at how cool I am
>>36645037touch grass>>36645031this is a cute picture
>>36645038Everything my brain has a negative reaction to. Outside of that I like everything I have control over. It's not my fault if whatever I'm looking at turns off my dopamine receptors and instantly makes me mald
>>36645033your testicles don't have ovathey produce spermyou don't have a uterusyou don't have fallopian tubesyou don't have a vaginal canal or a cervixyou don't have periodsand they aren't missing because you had an hysterectomy or a birth defect, they aren't there because you are male and have a penis and testicles instead>>36645040it's the ego that's most annoying and the faux deepness i just don't like pretentious teenagers>>36645046>touch grassi do sometimes, it's been quite hot out lately though>this is a cute picturelol
first day being a trans woman :D
>>36645058Au contraire men don't look like this so I'm female thank you
>>36645058 i mean like meet people with similar interest. also i'm not wrong men look cute in dresses
>>36645052can you give me an example of what makes you mad and turns off your dopamine receptors? i have never had smth like this happen to me so i am curious
paige thread>>36645097yes
>>36645073welcome aboard
>>36645099People liking games I don't like. People saying they don't like the games I like if it's for dumb reasons. People being bad to me in the right ways which is almost impossible but sometimes happens. Getting deadnamed which happens cuz of government stuff but still makes me feel horrid. And poorly cooked food.>>36645103That is young katjarina ma'am
>>36645079yeah they do bro >>36645097uGH sorry still waiting for the refill
>>36645126hellooooooooooo
>>36645132oh that really suks, can you actually tell me what your dead name is so i don't accidentally deadname you?
>>36645097why get upset over her being pedantic, everyone knows that's just how she is.
>>36645132>still makes me feel horrid.lol whyit's just a name
>>36645145why do you do this paige?why do you spread the vilification whenever you are feeling dysphoric
>>36645145I'm sorry but no.>>36645151Xwartoid the cursed one. Be careful with it.>>36645165Well that's very rude and untrue to say
hey can y'all give me (You)s? i put a lot of effort and research into this posting and i think it deserves recognition also i want to hear y'alls thoughts>>36643602
>>36645174Not how it works. Anything that makes me feel like I'm still where I was some years ago makes me feel atrocious and super anxious. Makes me feel like I'm trapped in a never changing place and all I do is cope about it until I just die. Don't know if it's about the misgendering it carries itself really, I just have issues with anything that reminds me of the past taking the soul out of me because of my issues with fearing death and ig dysphoria pushes it to get me mentally vulnerable enough to feel bad.>>36645183Yapyap
>>36645201haven't for a while>>36645206yarpyarp
I wish I was deadhttps://youtube.com/watch?v=ZS4gjIqxRKg
>>36645222I can't believe you'd say that.
>>36645037is that jenny nicholson on the left?
>>36645245yes and that's her sister
>>36645247Nothing I'm too tired I should go sleep
>>36645261You shouldn't feel dysphoric you look like a woman in every way possible you'll get srs one day too don't feel bad about it
pol sucks it used to have breaking news that wasn't covered anywhere else now it's a bunch of qanon nonsense
>>36645175idk it makes me feel better a little bitit's a nice distraction from feeling what's actually making me feel bad (feeling useless and lazy, faulting myself for not being productive, feeling like i'm not pushing myself hard enough, comparing myself to my sibling who is also mentally ill but leaps and bounds more successful than i am, etc)even dwelling on ex bff is a distraction sometimes, as well as thinking about my father or sexual abuse stuffwhile it does hurt, it's not what's really keeping me in place. I think I'm just too afraid of having to be an adult in a lot of ways, and that's keeping me stuck in a cycle i don't like. I wish I could move out, that I could hold a job and work enough hours to support myself and be financially independent and have it be sustainable, but realistically i just don't think I'm at the point where i can do that and so im stuck living with my mother, which inhibits my ability to grow in other ways (i.e. presenting more feminine or having friends or privacy), and so to escape the fact that I could be trying harder and the fear that even then I won't be able to live the life i want, i just settle back into familiar topics that can help me feel something other than crushing depression"terf" stuff helps me feel like I'm doing something morally good and am defending what is right, and it also hurts a littlethinking about ex bff is calming and beautiful when i'm daydreaming but like shattered glass in my heart when i'm notthinking about my dad makes me feel like a lonely sad kid and makes it easier to give into my mother's demand for codependencythinking about all the SA makes me feel helpless and frail and justifies the inaction because i can point to what happens when i do try as just being a parade of sufferingin short, i engage with these topics to feel the comfort of a known pain as well as experience a degree of control in being the one causing them alongside being the one suffering.
farts r smellin' good tonite, ladies>>36645258yes
>>36645251>sisterhuehuehue>>36645245yeah and her... sibling... on the right
whos trying to play mario kart with me
>>36645251ahwholesome jenny is so tiny holy shitshe doesn't look that small alone
>>36645329does it count if a guy on the internet told you to do it>>36645333>jenny is so tiny holy shiti mean next to those shoulders, the english channel would look like a drinking straw
Sister dearest.....
>>36645310i did some stalking a while back and all evidence points to her being cisfeel bad>>36645329i always returned them after
>>36645295Is that a book?>>36645315I haven't played that in years>>36645319Sad that you had to cancel it, I know how important this stuff is for you. I get how bad you feel over it but you'll get it one day so try not to blame yourself much for it>imposter syndromeCan't help you with that too much because I never was or am a fully formed person so I've no idea how it feels to know how you are nor as if you were imitating someone elseI'm like water on an ever changing river.. slowly there's more constants but that's about all I can figureWouldn't it help to remind yourself that you're always you? If you're trying to copy someone it'd be noticeable and on purpose and even if you are it's not a bad thing, everyone has things they want to be like and pursuing or having them doesn't mean you're not you nor imitating someone else it means you're you
>>36645367>I haven't played that in yearsi play double dash all the time...
>>36645015idk prob accepting that if your station sucks you’re still going to be miserable while trying to improve things/continually persuade oneself that the effort is worth it. Do I got a fucking clue on how to do this? No. But I narrowed it down to these two, so... Yeah. Fuck.
shaolin soccer or forbidden city cop?
it's nomi using different skyntax to disguise his creepy soul
>>36645376i wore them for a bitmaybe did a bit of cumming
happy 4:40 pm for those who celebrate
>>36645409based
>>36645378I only remember playing the Wii and 3ds ones. It's never been an interesting enough series to really warrant me coming back to it. Sonic R is better anyways you just can't replicate peak
>>36645409i want to kill you
>>36645435they understood why i had to do it>>36645433yes please
>>36645448then i would cum
>>36645428double dash has a lot of fun tech that makes it really fun to play. i only ever play time trails tho because my girlfriend never wants to play with me lol
>>36645177okay Pablo, be a good boi and use a trip
>>36645471i've been told soshe probably looks more like a woman than i do
>>36645015I miss being able to post here 24/7, but I also really really like my job, do I just have to deal with the fact I can't be as active on here these days?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrN2YP_j5n8listening again
>>36645497Sonic R has cool tech from being a janky little piece o shite. You should try the fixed port of it fans did it's pretty fun for like wasting an hour awayHaven't tried the newer sonic racing games though they do look quite proper>>36645503Callese ya señor
>Gen didn't transition in prisonwe lost another sister to repression
>>36645533Pic rel is unironically the best racing game ever. On S Rank, it gets fucking intense.
>>36645572To the list it goes I guess
>>36645363>what did you do with them?the clothes or the guysthe clothes i would meticulously put back as i found them so as to not leave any clue they had been disturbedit got easier when there was a box of clothes to go to the thrift shop in the computer room closet, but i still kept it looking undisturbed. i always felt bad about doing it, tho i never took underwear because that's like gross lol. sometimes i could convince my parents to let me sleep in the computer room and so i would crossdress and sleep as such, so i could wake up and pretend i was a girl who had just drifted off to sleepkinda patheticwith the guys, at first i would just tell them about it and answer their questions or try what they told me to do if it was something i could do (i.e. i couldn't touch my pp, but i could tie myself up). then when i ended up being able to take pics i would send them pics, sometimes of crossdressing, sometimes of other stuff, etc. i liked the attention and compliments, and i felt cool and special like a fucking retard>>36645367>Is that a book?no it's shino and yamagi>>36645405who?>>36645365>i did some stalking a while back and all evidence points to her being cisno they definitely are not
>>36645533>Sonic R has cool tech from being a janky little piece o shiteInteresting. It seems like its mostly just shortcuts and im not a big fan of shortcuts desu. I really like double dash because the majority of people play without shortcuts and the tech is quite difficult which is fun.
>>36645584It's super good. I initally bought it on PS3, then Vita, and then finally PC.
>>36645592jenny doesn't strike me as the type of person to maintain a relationship with a tranny sibling
>>36645608she is
>>36645597>it's about what's on the inside what matters, at least the cognitive part for megod damn!!! finally!!! holy moly!!
>>36645595Overrated desu. Tbh all Rare games are. Banjo Kazooie 1 is their only game I really got into.
>>36645365alright I'll bitewhat makes you think lindsay is cis?I don't particularly think it's too unlikely I'm just genuinely curious been watching almost all of nicholsons vids of late
woooooaaaahoevery ex i ever had was useless i aint grow at allcept for one that held me down thas my fukin dawg
>>36645608hey meff its been a while since we've last spoken to each other. i took a look outside my window and saw how beautiful the sky was, which reminded me of you :3
>>36645594Well I like the dumb shortcuts because it reminds me the game is half baked>>36645596Why not just get it on pc.>>36645597I feel like this is more a question of something mental you have going on rather than any physical factor you could modify yeah. I'm not a therapist so I can't help you with that but maybe knowing it's caused by something mental and not physical helpsI mean hypothetically maybe you'd get over it with time via hanging out with cis women on a comfortable basis and trying to mentally change you feelings in this way until the unconscious bit becomes conscious and you can actually improve how you feel a little bitHonestly I'm just trying my best but I've no idea of what I'm saying. I'm just a little cockroach that plays chinese games and spergs online I don't have much life experience. I do hope you feel better soon and I'm trying to help with it currently but I'm clearly not the one god destined for this task>>36645619Yeah but the inside is hard to change if subconscious, most people issues here are consciously pushed to be worse but you can't do too much over something you uncontrollably feel magically like you can with conscious things
>>36645639oldest video i could find of hers was from 8(?) years ago, she looks exactly the sameno mention of anything trans on socialsclose bond with jenny who i still believe to be a raging terf>>36645657cringe
>>36645671i know its cringe but the feelings i have have been so real if only you can find it within yourself to post feet pics
got so scared for a second becuase i couldnt feel my third eye but then i found it again
>>36645683lol
>>36645646passed around for nothing
>>36645608oh and here's some proof
>>36645671>who i still believe to be a raging terfwait what???
>>36645608also the sibling is the one who made this piece of art
>>36645665the sub conscious is ultimately still yours to dethrawl. a congratulations is in order when you grow enough to find home there instead of hatred. Congratulations, to her! :D
>>36645701>>36645713waityooooif tru, fucking amazing
>>36645717Buddy her mentioning it doesn't mean she realized how the subconscious works now nor that it causes issues you can't directly confront.
I love our community
>>36645681my feet are uggy>>36645711i sense it>>36645701>>36645713it's all conjectureand honestly based cuz i love that illustration
>>36645665Because Paige, when it first came out, I wasn't playing on PC yet. I moved to PC gaming in 2016 or so.
i don't care what the truth is; i don't believe a tranny can have a sisterly relationship with a female sibling
>>36645700https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNt02vbqv7k
>>36645734>says the teenager>>36645777>Paigelol that's not me
this park has a rly good skyline view
>>36645780lol>>36645796space needle spotted.....
>>36645746are they really? i highly doubt they are
>>36645777Well that sucks.>>36645794Still more mentally mature than you sadly
>>36645806lets rp as sonic and amy and youre knuckles deep in clunge
>>36645806Ehh, it wasn't in my budget at the time, then I got my first ever job (Pharmacy Tech), and I made enough money to build my first ever PC. I'm on PC two now, though probably gonna build PC Three here in a year or so.
>>36645746>cuz i love that illustrationsametrannies n stinki rooms to together like honey and peanutbutter>i sense itidkjenny put lady emily on her channel listcontra or blaire I'd chock up to pandering an audience but idk why promote emily?she's just got a liddol channel
>>36645812The what.>>36645824Me personally I like slowly upgrading my pc with time whenever it feels too slow so I never get stuck with low performance
just searched through my archives to find something and relived the worst parts of my life and now im losing it. the cherry on top is that i forgot to archive the important thing i was looking for
>>36645824>first ever job>2016weren't you like mid 20s by then or something?
>>36645845I was 22. Let me be more clear, it was my first Full Time job, my first ever job was Whataburger as a teenager, but only worked there 12 hours a week after school on Thursday and Friday.
>>36645832>lady emilyidk who that is i looked them up and they pass but i clicked video and now i realize it's so over cuz voice SUCKS>>36645851i thought you were like 40
>>36645857I love Lady Emily. Also I'm 30.
>>36645802i kinda wanna go on it but its kinda expensive
>>36645857one of those people who edits videos for bigger channels and has a smol channel that's basically of better quality than who they edit for....
>>36645881thats washington for you
>>36645864>I love Lady Emilyshe got me into berzerk and I will be forever grateful
>>36645900I was into it before her video about it but, I used to like Nostalgia Critic as a teenager, and her video about Demo Reel got me into her content instantly. Also the Kitchen Nightmares video. That's my personal favorite
>>36645918>I used to like Nostalgia Critic as a teenagerthis makes sense
>>36645931I mean now as a 30 year old I realize just how cringe he is. But as a teenager, you don't know better. All the theater kids were into Doug Walker.
>>36645945nope i was a theatre kid and was into ross scott
>>36645857>voiceshe voicepasses thoI'd kill to have such a nice voiceor even just something more flamboyant and honnish
>>36645900video essays are coolmado got me into berserk desu
I think I'm going to sleep.
>>36645961Were you in any plays? I was in 7 total. 4 as the lead.
>>36645964>madobasedI miss when mado didn't hate my gutshad some fun convos back in like 2020-21
>>36645978a few, no lead roles thoi preferred tech even tho i only took theatre classes
>>36645979what did you do?!?!she called me transphobic when i wasnt
https://voca.ro/1cXvC3zpQIwz
>>36645713No fucking way jenny Nicholson's sister drew this piece of classic transsexual art
I thank my nimrod genes for giving me good lips.
>>36645990If you remember, what were the plays and the roles? For lead, these were mine>Orpheus in Orpheus >John Proctor in The Crucible>Doctor Frankenstein in Frankenstein and then I played the lead in a children's play I don't even remember the name ofBut, from there I was a supporting role in 3 other plays>Boo Radley in To Kill A Mockingbird>Bernard in Death of a Salesmanand lastly>Tybalt in Romeo and JulietI really enjoyed acting. Have thought about getting back into it, but as a trans woman, unless I were able to pass like Hunter Schafer, doubt I'd get any roles.
>>36646065>>Boo Radley in To Kill A Mockingbirdnow this one makes sense
>>36646064you do have nice lips
>>36646083Why? Because he's socially anxious? The vibe I always got from Boo Radley was that he was just an anxious heart character.
>>36646085You aren't even real.>>36646095I do thank you
>>36646064https://voca.ro/1jyRLfIUQIVB
>>36646005not suremado is like convinced I'm a cryptofascistat first I thought she just forgot who I was and was mistaking me for paigebut I'm sure that's not the case nowregardless denying being dishonest when someone is convinced I've learned is a exercise in futility
>>36646125I'm not listening>>36646140Alr show booby rn
ask me how it feels to be the poster child of mid twinkhons https://files.catbox.moe/dxuio4.jpg
>>36646128shes borderline schizo sometimes, do you ever use hexchat?
>>36646116did your ex bf get to kiss them?
all of you should been thrown into the woods like in india
>>36646161No I am a khv.
>>36646005she just calls me retard
>>36646177most excellent answer
>>36646159nowhen I used to frequent freenode I used weechat
>>36646178used to be alot more talkative in like a less antagonistic senseand ran an altchangood times
>>36646216tbhonest im just unable to make an account on anything so 4chin and irc is looking pretty tasty
I wish I could save mado
Yep ig I'll just sleep.
>>36646236shes in a hotel making the best of italso she probably doesnt even think about you like that :/
>>36646248how does she afford it
>>36646264SOBBING
>>36646248I don't think of her like that either but I am worried about her is all
>>36646274she makes enough to live and thats all i know
>>36646234irc is pretty awsome imoI used to spend alot of time in freenode#anime
>>36645963she has tranny voice
>>36646285sounds cool i just dont know where to start is all
>>36645015My handwriting will never pass. I have terminally male handwriting. How fucked am I?
>>36646315type everything
>>36646305I heard people started moving away from freenode some years agofor maybe a good reason?if you want to just explore https://kiwiirc.com/web irc is nice for thatbeside freenode I've only ever visited undernetseemed nice but also more deadthe main issue is just lack of interest after stuff like msm killed the mainstream appeal and discord strated skinwalking all the nice features people would want to return for
>>36646363lets start a server?
>have transbian friend>she's married, her wife's cool>friend starts flirting the way queer friends dohow do i respond?
https://voca.ro/1h2XaiTCk0t1next time i am singing one in spanish just for pablo to hear
>>36646429>https://voca.ro/1jyRLfIUQIVBso dumb i actually laughed
>>36646429i can hear u'v been voicetraining! it's sounding gud!!!!can u say "today on the hydraulic press channel, we will be crushing a tranny's skull"?
>>36646480girrrr
i hate having horrible skintret save me pls
My insurance rates are more than my car payment I'm so fucking cooked.
>>36646392I tried looking into the logistics of thatbut my brain is too smol and also I'm a depressed faggot so productivity is also an issue
>>36646539I too had a bad driving record and a fast car.
>>36646480https://voca.ro/1ncKraQaZMNk
>>36646582I wish that's all that was wrong with my driving record.I was a fuck up back then. I fucked up soooooo bad and now I'm literally paying the price for my transgressions.
>>36646635i wish i could kiss meff sometimes
>>36646516y angr>??>>36646600swagbut why have say the woman stuff????>>36646635everything i say has at least a grain of truth. always.>>36646657gross
>>36646677id like to feel the bumps of your tongue graze mine
still having hard time processing that doggy is just gone and gone foreveri wish i hugged him, but i was too concerned with being tough manhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAqB7EUJp_g
>>36645015Who /gangsta/ here.I'm from northside hood.
>>36646723It's a fucking dog. Just get another one.
>>36646723I'm sorry mef
>>36646726D$$M XIV no love for a $crapa
>>36646743but he was a good one, most likely one of the best
fukI really shouldn't have impulsively smoked all the weed mom gave menow I'm out
>>36646723sorry, it's always hard to lose an animal, even the ones who make giant poops that you have to clean up daily.
>>36646748why aint u throwing up ur gang sign niqqa?
>>36646723>i wish i hugged him, but i was too concerned with being tough manholy fuck you're stupid
hyperscrubmode>>36646811>the weed mom gave me:(
>>36646819thats a gang sign?
>>36646820i think i did succeed in looking tough and emotionless tho
>>36646819this is Troonerville 13 territory, these fools finna jack me if they know I'm a Northsider
>>36646861damn theyre just totally going to fuck my ass theres no way out i have to cooom
Honestly highly recommend detransitioning. Doesnt fix gender issues, but neither did transition so. Otherwise its been pretty happy. Im no longer pretending and can jus b myself
>>36646841why sad?when I was little my mom used to deal weed evenjust how my family islotta coke use too but nobody shares any stims with me
>>36646723>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOpAXzr1W1Uall good boys go2 heaven but bad boys bring heaven 2u rip gooby
>>36646895it is what it is holmes, you spread em to distract them and ill go get backup
>>36646909you gotta haev stims to get em which is weird because in jail people often said they always relapsed because they were offered lines
Are you vaxxed?if yes, why?
>>36646972work forced me
>>36646972this desu >>36646980although I have nothing against vaxes
tfw too ugly to be loved
>>36646985are you me?
moral of story: never get attached to anything
>>36646996maybe theres alot of ugly people out there
>>36646964kekI mean from age like 6 - 12 I was always prescribed heavy doses of like adderal or vyvansewe had so much left over after my parents took me off meds that my mom always kicks herself for not dealing the leftovers out for cash>>36646972no,I'm terrified of needles, doctors and the government don't trust the vaxthink the pandemic was manmade and also a collaborative effort between 5eye nations and allies
>>36646972no, I hate the antichrist etc.
>>36646985This isn't true at all
>>36646980>>36646983Everyone I ask says either this or "I needed it to travel". It's fucked up.
>>36647009>I hate the antichrist etcconcise
>>36647005that's why i don't venture outside
>>36647011You replied to me and I also would have gotten it anyway since my girlfriend lived in Canada and I needed it.
>>36647010it is true im so repulsive the only way i can be kissed is if the victim was sedated
>>36647028<3
>>36647009its funny because rn trump is the best candidate for the antichrist
i dunno famalamington im all for personal choice and my body my rules but like, what deus ex cyberpunk shit are you living in your head where you think theyre engineering shit and letting them out so the bodies pile up in the streets we had bird flu and swine flu, sometimes shit just goes real bad in the world lol dont trust it, get locked down, or get the vax and walk around fine, i cant feel my brain connecting to billy goats 5g towers and I'm wearing a permanent faraday cage around my head instead of amplifying with tinfoil
>>36647011>Everyone I ask says either this or "I needed it to travel". It's fucked up.I mean.... not really?There's many reasons why vaccines would be required. For example, when the pandemic first hit I had to get it because I ran the IT department for the hospitals in my area. I spent all my days traveling to and from literally the hottest spots for the virus after public events got shelved. It would have been pretty stupid of me to not get it, it makes sense that they required it.For travel: That's always been a thing. It's never not been a thing. If you travel to another continent, especially a third world country, you need vaccines unless you wanna get a case of AcidDick or whatever fucked up diseases are over seas that we never encounter here.I understand why people were hesitant to get it. It *did* come out quickly, but years have gone by and nothing bad has happened from the vaccine intake. Anyone who is anti-vax can never really confirm why it's bad. It's always a vibes thing on the opposition's side.Like, I get it though. Needles are scary. I had to listen to music and blank out my mind to take the shot. Although obviously that fear has subsided since I inject every week.
>>36647053>why contain it>in the end they'll beg us to save thembasically yesidk I do genuinely care about not infecting someone with a potentially deadly illnessI wore masks near religiously before stores and businesses got the ok to tell me no and started doing sobut all the incompetence when the pandemic first hitI'm convinced it was intentional not sure how much of it wasbut the u.s and china collaborated on itand we know when the u.s and china collaborate canada and the uk are probably along for the ride
>can take bathtub roids from the internet coming out of china raws factory in shenzen no issues>govt/medical advisory board needle suddenly very bad and scaryextremely sad take
>>36647148I really want to agree because of how fucking noided I am but I'm forced to just accept that maybe the worlds chaotic and fucked for no special purpose, I like to believe it's less malice and more incompetence hey, it's easier for me than going down rabbitholes like it's us vs them mentality, but I completely want to say icarus found me and run to the cabin in the woods, if I didn't clean pissers in quarantine I'd say it was orchestrated but it fucked everyone so hard, I watched cops get fucking smashed with chairs and pies end up on ceilings, it was too loose to be a plan and if it was a plan, what did it really achieve, were in a new cold war, if it was economic pre-war boom there were easier ways to do so eg ukraine, I think we're beyond the psyops and into the looking glass people
>>36647149I trust bathtub pharmaceutical entrepreneurs over nwo mandated rna "vaccine" pushers. what it comes down to is martial law over a flu like illness, fuck that
>>36647186fair shake of the saussy bot, hard agree because of my capitalist principles but really is it so hard to see that you dislike the govt for how they treated your transmed shit and that's influencing your opinions on everything else?
I'm never quite sure what anybody is up tojust suspicious of it allI try not to let myself go full picrel anymorebut I can't not be suspicious it's in my nature I think
>>36647369Trauma response, trust issues, feel it spiritually. But it hurts way more if you let it poison you. It's also mad sad that its like, this is the way to respond to normal stimuli lmao. But I feel way better when I'm at war with someone or something, especially if it's a bigger force than I am. Dunno hbu? Soz gonna stop being a fuck and grab some of my oil lel.
ds1 messages are so much better than elden ring messages
How much longer is this going to continue?https://www-huffpost-com.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/www.huffpost.com/entry/trans-girl-stabbed-repeatedly-at-miami-airport_n_66a170f2e4b04c3a3023bb24/amp?amp_gsa=1&_js_v=a9&usqp=mq331AQIUAKwASCAAgM%3D#amp_tf=From%20%1%24s&aoh=17218761056600&referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com&share=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.huffpost.com%2Fentry%2Ftrans-girl-stabbed-repeatedly-at-miami-airport_n_66a170f2e4b04c3a3023bb24
>>36647489holy shit cut the link
well reddit i've decided to quit my weed addiction
>>36647515good for you, I really think it will help with your mental health
>>36647391>But I feel way better when I'm at war with someone or something, especially if it's a bigger force than I amyeah this is what's had me re-analyzing some of things I took for grantedbut without my foundation I'm kinda lost in differenciating fact from fictionI've always struggled just not mistaking my dreams for actual days that happenedI can come up with as many reasons as I'd like to believe or disbelieve a sourceand I kinda think I do alot
>>36647515and here I am huffing burnt cotton just to not be completely sobergood job anon
>>36647478if only they didn’t shut off the servers for PtDE. refuse to buy remastered
>>36647533has a lot to do with sleep/nightmares from the ptsd imo, if I wake up after concurrent scapes I can't slow down and I have to drink or settle until I can be back in the real world, fucking can't believe my CNS is so geared lol didn't think what happened as a kid could program you that hard hey but for whatever reason as soon as it strokes it I'm ready to get a hammer and smash some cunts teeth in and nobody likes that lmao, trying real hard to settle the fuck down and not weave but goddamn lol it feels familiar and when it doesn't it feels alien and spooked rip
>>36647521thankshoping it sticks this time
>>36647567If it doesn't then you know you actually have a problem. Since you're trying to stop.
>>36647489>miaminever>>36647551i bought it bc i was late to the party and couldn't get the originalit's good enough for me to not feel like it's a defective productim playing it with the age of sunlight mod, and it's changed things enough for it to feel a little fresh
>>36647583Paige, why do you always post yaoi?
>>36647574i'm definitely past the "admitting i have a problem" partstill i can lose resolve in a moment of weakness
evens alcohol / cigarettesodds ' ' + sweetsdubs sober for 3 months
>>36647592you see the one in the green im pretty sure paige self inserts as em
>>36647594I dunno what you smoke but sometimes a quickie pack of menthol crush can solve a lot of the issues, maybe dont drink tho cos loss of inhibition fucks me every time and i think ur probably smarter than am I/younger/less inclined to fuck your life over but sweeties are fine just do some jackknives
>>36647593Good luck. If you end up really needing help there are resources. You can go to rehab for free, the hard part is getting in touch with them. I spent a month in a rehab and it changed my life.
>>36647605you can go to rehab for free? i'd never even considered itglad it helped you though that's cool
>>36647583>it’s good enoughdesu in many ways (besides lighting) ibe heard its better. hatred comes from selling the original then breaking it when a new version came out
1st season of VOY was fun2nd season seems to have lost the plot ~7 episodes inplease don't respond with spoilers i will cry
>>36647640i am saddened by the disappearance of my cigarettei will be without life in 2.5 minuets
>>36647592because im very lonely and would like a big strong man to drool over and worship>>36647602yamagi is coolhe's also a mecha engineer, and im working on a VN about a gay mecha engineer dating handsome pilots so it's a good combo>>36647638oh yes that's fucked up
>>36647658But Paige, you're a woman, gay men don't want you.
>>36647604liquor's a stronger pull rn, but I'm too stoned to drive. oh well
hello Paige why can’t the mecha engineer be a trans woman
>>36647630There are like grants. I was taken in to detox (you won't have to do that) and then they just made me take a phone call to get a grant and that was it.
>>36647674very solid call, dont risk interlock for the sippy grippy, also dont get banned from deliv because it hurts when you need it kek
>>36647554interesting don't think I have ptsd myself something I think has to be wrong for me to be so plagued by nightmares and old memories but I don't really have flashbacks outside of dreams
>>36647668neither do any other men>you're a womani disagree with this, im a transwomanif you want to be autistic about it, the most defining relationship of my life is unrequited love for a straight man, which formed while i was still a boy and i basically didn't present female around him and so it's definitely a gay male vs straight male dynamic, and thinking of two guys (one feminine one masculine) together is more healing than the fantasy of two straight people together because that doesn't feel relatableim not a woman, and the men who date me aren't straight. there's very little art out there of transwomen and men, but there's a good deal of yaoi that's appealing whereas straight ships tend to focus on the woman rather the relationship and mutual love>>36647677he could be if someone else was writing itim the writer tho and i get to choose who the characters are
>>36647694>https://justinhavens.com/admin/uploads/files/Dream_Completion_Technique_The.pdfgive this one a whirl, but you have to apply yourself proper even though it seems like horse shit, like specifically before you go to bed and when you wake, sit in a room and fucking cry and make it end I didnt think I had the ptsd either but turns out me lizard brain ain't that special
>>36647605>I spent a month in a rehab and it changed my lifehow in the love of all that's goodyou must be a pretty strong personI was forcefully cut off nicotine for several months and yet I still can't even quit smoking that
>>36647684that's a thing in every state?
Janeway is mommy tho
>>36647716I’m not telling you to do it differently just wondering why you are writing it as two guys but you already answered>straight ships tend to focus on the woman rather the relationship and mutual loveinteresting perspective
I thought peegs gay stuff was actually kind of cute sosu
>>36647718I'll give it a lookcan't be more ridiculous than some of the stuff I've already done
>>36647694kid u got all kinds of ptsd
>>36647823we're all way more inclined to believe the story we write for ourselves than one we hear from someone else, not saying to go out and invest in it as if it's going to moon, just saying a dream journal might work hey, ymmv, but it helped me get from cutting my shit up daily to only once every six months so i dunno, just tryna helpem
>>36647780>interesting perspectiveidk maybe that's not true, i could be wrong>I’m not telling you to do it differently just wondering why you are writing it as two guys but you already answeredbecause of what i said about straight ships focusing on the woman? i don't think that's why i'm doing it, i guess some of the things of what i wanted to explore are things i've endured from the perspective of someone who is decidedly not a woman. Like the engineer being pressured into crossdressing by the commander, or issues with his dad, or feeling used by a straight guy. certainly those things do happen to women as well, and i feel like i could do more justice to the themes by writing more to what i know than a fantasy of what i wish had been in someways. if i were writing the story as escapism, it would probably be a straight relationship because i would less concerned about the authenticity of what i was writing and more on the emotions i could bring about. I also feel like there's so few stories out there with feminine male protagonists, and if i were to write him as a transwoman that would require addressing and i feel like that would take away from the other things i want to look at in the story. plus mecha is known for being gay, not for being tranny. i don't want it to get dismissed as "another tranny vn self insert trash" either, and honestly when i see trans writers or developers write trans or female characters i just cringe a little bit because they always end up being poorly written self inserts and i'd be afraid of falling into that trap>>36647834idk if ptsd is real desu just seems like my mum and dad are right and im just too sensitive and need to get over things>>36647795just wait a couple of years until the VN is somewhat functional, it'll be great i hope
>>36647865I was into opengl analogue horror looking game, tell ur story girl pls i want to see you flourish at something instead of just backing down from things you believe>idk if ptsd is real desu just seems like my mum and dad are right and im just too sensitive and need to get over thingsfuck I wish it worked lmao
>>36647865thinking over what you posted before, is it a curate to say that you don’t want to write about desiring the feminine (that being the conventional heterosexual dynamic, or what you call focusing in the woman) but rather desiring the masculineand that would make sense for you bc whether you were a boy once, whether you transitioned, whether you are or are not a woman or transwoman or whatever, all of that is basically of independent from your desire to be intimate with a masculine man
>>36647915oh that's certainly part of itdesiring the masculine is a good way of putting itit's like something i can't get from inside myselflike if people had essences or gave off auras, it's like my ex bff and my dad and other guys i've met have some thread or stream of amber warmth and depth that i don'twhere i might feel ethereal or as solid as a breeze and abstract, they have that glimmer of groundedness and solidity that just feels invigorating to be around because it's something so unlike myself that i can't help but find it soothing and attractive, like a drink i could never have my fill ofidk im tired and beginning to wax poetic so i'll just go to bed rather than spam the thread with sappy writinggn desu
>>36647962those are some good notes maybe jot them down in your notebook before sleepingrest well !
>>36647840upon reading it definitely doesn't look like horse shitkinda reminds me of when I was littlelucid dreaming has never been something I could just dobut like back then if nightmares got too intense I could sometimes essentially "pause"like full on imagining a videogame pause screen and pausing whatever scary scenario like I would do if I was playing a videogame and got spookedit's funny since essentially to avoid the scary I would trap myself in the scary
ptsd is real lol
>>36647976I've spoken to girls who could wake themselves from the nightmare dimension and I've tried but it doesn't work that way for me, I see it as prophetic, I see things I can't quite explain in ways I don't understand but months later I get it and it hits me like I feel the deja vu of the situation. I've come to believe if marcus had to journal out his shit in meditations, I am so far beneath that level that it should work right
>>36647834>all kinds?I don't really have that intense traumaalot of bad thing happened yeahbut I don't think it was any more than I could handlelike I didn't handle itbut I could haveanyhow if I knew less about ptsd maybe I'd consider itbut I saw what ptsd triggers would do to my ex and that's not memaybe the eposide I had that had my ex call the cops on me comes closebut that was a singluar event I think
>>36648039sorry but you don't get to decide what you can handle, that one is up to your subconscious honey
why is it impossible to get a job? how am i ever going to get out of this crackhouse? i have 0 work experience and i spent 6 years as a shut in since 15 years old. should i just kill myself? i dont see anything ever getting better.
>>36648039look i barely know you but your posts here are like textbook cptsd i don't make the rules
>>36648086yeowch lmao, feels accurate mane why was it so pointy
You're all very cute.
>>36648146you are
>>36648146kill yourself
kill yourself but be cute about it is the verdict boss man. hang yourself with plushies
>>36648086I really need to see someone regardless if for anything to get that one of the two requred gd diagnosis I need to get an orchie
but I don't think I could talk to a therapist about what I want to actually ask about I can hardly even talk to people I actually trust about it
>>36648146hihi noms
Jesus fuck don't let your hooski have raw meat, they get so fucking antsy
>cutethis is literally me tho
>>36648232oh kekmeant to have this to illustrate my point
is it possible to limit or prevent breast growth?
im the kind of tired that sleep can't fix
>>36648307you get honkers and you be happy
>>36648307Ralox? Hrt femboy perfectly acceptable
>>36648200Hiiiii.https://youtu.be/oCBaiNr3K9A?si=s8GA5CDTUDEzILtU
I don't remember what being normal feels like anymore. Maybe my meds are making me crazy. I noticed that on them I tend to flip flop between feeling super volatile like I'm on the verge of exploding in all my parts or instead feeling more like a machine than a person. No feelings except anger, and I'm numbed to pain but I still feel vomiting and the tingly feeling I get when I get nosebleeds.I want to slice my skull wide open and rip my fucking brain out. That or splatter it across the wall. I just want this fucking noise out of my goddamn head.
>>36648342interesting ty
i hope the mtfs are okay
>>36645572i never particularly enjoyed the boat stages but the game is certrainly up there. If you havent played, Crash Team Racing Nitro Fueled is ridiculously good. Mechanically the best kart racer imo. Unfortunately you'll only ever find 1 or 2 other people in a race if you're lucky.
my meds make me feel like that guy from office space who got hypnotized, just like on a permanent vacation and the only thing that really gets to me are like having to have self control over just totally giving into hedonism.
>>36648473are they helping at least?
>>36648355old osx is so comfyI really like NeXTSTEPs wm stylemiss when my debian machine looked so comfy
Got so overwhelmed yesterday and nauseous today. This sucks.
>>36648479I'm not sure. I mean I feel great but it's for the wrong reasons. I wanted to suppress my anxiety so I could improve my social life but instead I just no longer feel bad or guilty about avoiding doing that.
>>36648495I get overwhelmed a lot.
>>36648527I get really itchy when i get overwhelmed a lot of the time
>>36648512Do you have a followup soon? Please mention all of this to your doctor. In fact you should write everything down so you don't miss anything.
didn't trans at 18 because of familial reasons. FF 5 years after convincing myself I was over it sour grapes style and I had a colossal month long breakdown where I'd just sob and seethe and writhe at random, and in lieu of killing myself, decided to trans even though I knew I was past any but superficial changes. I've since started hrt but even before then and despite it being on my mind as always, my dysphoria had waned a lot. I'm not sure if it's due to the hrt or simply knowing I'm doing something, or maybe I've mourned myself and moved on, or maybe it's a lifestyle change since I quit my job and moved country to do it. I feel so much less volatile, but wonder if others had something similar
I hope aliens appear so I can fucking kill myself and respawn as oneat least then i won't have this shitty body and stupid brain!!!
>>36648495sorry to hear that. welcome to the club lol
>>36645015alright gang, im giving in. how do i get this party started without health insurance? (i do have insurance but its through me parents and don't want to deal with that, would rather flip burgers or some shit)
>>36648472>Crash Team Racing Nitro Fueledshitthat brings me back
>>36648625you go to the doctor and pay out of pocket or you do DIY
>>36648495why were you overwhelmed?
>>36648647yeah i guess its like theres the plume and folx shit on one side and diy on the other
venting here kinda acts as negative reinforcement by making me feel better without actually changing anything. idk if the alternative of having no one to talk to and bottling it all up is healthier but i dunno what to do.
>>36648674scream into a pillow and patch some drywall
>>36648664Had a mental breakdown yesterday cause i got paranoid from going outside and fell asleep at like 5pm. Sarah said ppl werent making fun of me but it felt like they were and when i got home i just stared at the wall for 2 hours then started crying and had itching attacks. Today im meeting sarahs parents so im still really nrvous about being a freak
>>36648547yea, in a few weeks. she's just a PA, not a psych, so idk what she can do other than alter my prescription. Maybe that's how these meds are supposed to work? or are they supposed to be strong enough to knock out the anxiety of socializing?
>>36648725Just talk a lot about it, I think that's important. Especially what you dislike and/or feel is wrong about it. I wish you the best and I hope you can live your life the way you want.
>>36648698i'm sorry your day got ruinedi doubt they made fun of you but I wasn't here but if they did they're just idiots, you look nice and healthy
>>36648686ah i wish i has that kinda passion for anything desu. also the walls are like 1-2m solid brick i'd lose lol.
>>36648742Its okay. Its my fault for falling into it again. Ive been agoraphonic since before i transitioned, just a frustrating setback. Thank you for the compliment. That is very nice. I hope that assessment is true, i have to stpp thinking aboit it or ill get nauseous again. I think you look nice and healthy too. Ive got to clean before they get here.
>>36648764i hope you get better. the more you stay in, the more you are depriving people of beauty
>>36648764i wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it you know me sarah's parents will find you lovely too dw
Sarah just told me i lunged at her in my sleep. Not like an attack i guess but still not a good thing to do.;_;>>36648769Im trying to get better. Used to not be able to go outside without throwing up. Made a lot of progress but the last leg to being normal feels insurmountable.>>36648772Didnt you make fun of me being a hon in the past though? I think i remember that.
>>36648794i don't think so? there are some ppl i always thought they looked nice like kope, kat or you
>>36648750cant lose if you're the prick putting em up babe, break those knuckles and go to emerg so they have something to do lmao, be a case study not a statistic
>>36648794>>36648805also if there is such a thing as being true trans ive always thought you were one of them for what you did with the hammer so I "respect" that
>>36648810i don't think i got emergency room privileges where i live atm lole.>be a case study not a statisticlove this energy tho.
>>36648672please help idfk what im doing here
>>36645015How? The three R's anon:RepressRepressRepressI maintain relationships where I'm tolerated (not accepted), I work hard and have a well paying (soul crushing) job and I never, ever think about my soul.I'm functional.I had a realisation that I don't really remember happiness anymore. Like I have moments of happiness but if I have to recall the feeling of being happy I cant really do that.. but I pay taxes so yeahMaybe some other anon can get you the other half way to answering qott
>>36648805I think i misunderstood something you said in the past, sorry. Sometimes i mistake things
>>36648838WOW THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT LIFE YOU RETARF
>>36648820try my best to be a cautionary tale.
>>36648836sorry i’m that anon, assumed you were being dismissive with the folx mention. in US there’s planned parenthood and they have sliding scale from what i’ve heard? for DIY there’s many options, not sure if /hrtgen/ is up rn but there’s other websites that catalogue the options. do ur research and get what you need
ive been watching alot of my 600lb life and i think i need an enabler now
>>36648856I never said it was great, I said it was functional you Dickheaf
>>36648874if it's "functional" but brings no joy into your life or anyone else's then what fucking good is it you penis bitch
>>36648945Life is not inherently good you vulva skank
vulva skank is good, stealing
I love you Grace
>>36649185love u 2
>>36649194I hope you're doing well. I also hope I don't weird you out. Anyways gn. I really do think you're awesome.
Bad morning.
kill south affo, attack on command, oh yeah thats the stuff
>>36649240bad morning? nah, bad you
>>36649251But I'm awesome.
>>36649240im bleeding the edge XD
>>36649259Yeah you are
>>36649325The what>>36649327Yeah. Thank you
now I'm lost behind, the words I'll never find
seattle is insane there was a homeless guy running around and then he stopped running and grunted and moaned at me
Changli got a nice dress
>>36649628do you just wake up in the morning and start grinding gacha
>>36649637Byeah
>>36649240will you take me back after i fly back home? or is lang roping you back in already??you love me. thats what you said.
>>36649625the entire west coast is like that.
>>36649713This is a larp.
You gotta be a hitman for a cute hamster so it gives you coins to gamble with. This is the strangest little event yet
>>36649713stop larping as me retard>>36649725smart girl
>>36649751Creepy larp very creepy
>>36649773its just anon trying 2 stir shit they didn't even do a good job of imitating me baka
>>36649713they already are back together larpanon
I want cold water.
>>36649795im with jade and don't see that changing for the foreseeable future and marina deserves better than someone an ocean across from her and already in a relationship she's a cute and nice girl but for my own reasons im moving on from that
>>36649825be normal
Me looking at the piece of gear I farmed for the last 5 hours that I've been trying to get for the past 2 weeks get the wrong substats
gn if larpanon comes back it's not me
Thread muerto
Can someone post an audio saying goodnight.
I should at least work out to compensate for not going to the gym.
>>36650356>>36650356>>36650356>>36650356neu
