>>38406710
only if i want my life to have 20s left

please take your pills, retards

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>>38406837
NEVERNEVERNEVER

>>38406837
why should i instead of just killing myself
seriously

>>38406837
I’m going to therapy, I’ll see what my therapist says.

>>38406710
>QoTT: If you could see what you would have looked like if you were born as the other sex, would you want to see it?

easy answer, no. what serious repper would want to see this?

>>38407054
I feel like I’ve been living my whole life seeing it in my mind, I’d be curious to see if my mental image matches up with (alternate) reality.

>>38406710
>QoTT
this might sounds weird, but there's smth in my head that makes me believe that I am the male version of my aunt lol

I think I would probably have a more fulfilling life if I was a man. When I was a fetus and my mom got her anatomy scan she was told I was a boy. My parents and some other family members wrote letters to me to be read when I was older and they all reference me as a man and use the male name my parents would have given me. It did kind of hurt to read them because I used to really hate being a girl. I think if I was born years later and grew up in a time where it was more accepted, I would have taken the plunge and transitioned. But there's nothing to be done about that and it's not all bad being me, so I just live my life to the best of my ability and try to make the most of it.

>>38407482
This happened to me except my parents thought I was going to be a girl, it’s why I know what my female name would have been.

>>38406837
i tried but i fucked up so i'm back to repping

>>38407497
Kinda sucks to know. It really does make me wonder what could have been. To answer the QOTT: I would not want to know.

what's the point

>>38406710
>If you could see what you would have looked like if you were born as the other sex, would you want to see it?
no no no no. instant suicide fuel

I kinda have an idea anyway. And tbqh I don't want to be her. My dysphoria issue is more vague and weird. I want to be me still, but I don't feel comfortable being me. But I do at the same time. It's flittering and schizo. Darn agp I tell ya

I'm certainly no transmed "knew since I was 4" type lmao

I used to be a repper, then I trooned for years and stopped because it was too stressful, it wasn't worth it.

>>38407674
what are you now then? A repper still? or have you transcended the rep/troon dichotomy

>>38407794
I'd still rather be a woman, but being a troon was a terrible experience, people shunned and laughed at me, every tranny I met was broken or a sociopath, and I felt suicidal all the time.

>>38407827
yeah it's a tough one. really context dependent on whether social transition is worth it. do you take HRT still?

>>38407837
I did it for a few years and now I only take DHT blockers, social transition wasn't worth it, the worst was at least half of all trannies I met were living memes

>>38407876
I hope you've found a better place for yourself either way.

I gotta sleep but thanks for the chat

>>38406710
you can with faceapp
if you want to see what you'd look troond you could look at people who have some features as you

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Here is your TL;DR on gender transition so you can get started as soon as possible.
Stop being a chud.

BILLIONS.
SHALL.

TROON.

What should I expect as a MtF?: https://transcare.ucsf.edu/article/information-estrogen-hormone-therapy
What should I expect as a FtM?: https://transcare.ucsf.edu/article/information-testosterone-hormone-therapy
How do I know I have the mental illness gender dysphoria?: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/
What to know to do it on my own?: https://diyhrt.wiki/
Where to buy homebrewed estrogen?: https://astrovials.com/product/estradiol-enanthate/
How do even I know homebrewed estrogen is safe?: https://transharmreduction.org/hrt-testing
Where to find other stuff?: https://hrtcafe.net/
Testosterone is more difficult to get a hold of because it is a very controlled substance, unlike estradiol. The difficulty will vary greatly depending on your geographical location. I'd pay a visit to the local gym and ask the gymbros there where they got their testosterone from.
For all else you can ask /hrtgen/ on the catalog, make a thread on /lgbt/ and post on /r/TransDIY on Reddit.
"I'm AGP. Am I valid? Should I troon? Yes, if you have dysphoria. I don't think it's a good idea to transition purely out of a fetish. Seek guidance on /r/askAGP. It is full of dysphoric AGPs such as yourself. Same for AAPs: /r/autoandrophilia.
"I'm a low quality male without dysphoria and AGP. Should I troon out?" Yes, definitely. If you are short, ugly, autistic and unfit for being a man in general, no amount of self improvement will save you. Transition now if you seek a survival level of dignity and quality of life. You aren't fit for male social roles and will likely kill yourself if you don't transition because your life will be miserable as a man.

>>38407900
nope duta is all i need

I'm having acrsis

I would kill myself immediately if I had a 50/50 chance between reincarnating as female or disappearing into the void forever.
Maybe even for a 10% chance honestly.

>>38408403
what about parents sad

>>38408414
OK I'd just exist for another 20 years or so first and then do it.

>>38407896
I liked how I looked with FaceApp but I’m not delusional

>>38407098
rep harder friend

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I'm gonna go binge Love Live. I may not return.

>>38407654
>I'm certainly no transmed "knew since I was 4" type lmao
Did you at least have any feelings of your body being off at a young age? Like I definitely wasn't a little toddler running around with barbies and screaming "I'm a girl" but I definitely remember wanting to get rid of my dick and wishing I had a vag instead.

>>38409352
What about it?

how can i kms? does sui suck that bad? i want to go

>>38410435
not particularly no. i had some agp moments I guess, nothing overwhelming

>>38411480
It’s the very last thing you could ever do, why not try anything else?

>>38411997
Like what?

>>38412004
Is there anyone in your life who could maybe help you with ideas?

damn im John 50ing a bunch lately. pushing through though.
hope you're all finding today reasonable

>>38411997
i am larry, i am hopeless

>>38412307
You’re larissa actually

>>38412342
yes, make me suffer, hit me

I'm thinking of getting rid of my agp curls, they looks fucking horrendous. I like playing with my hair though, it feels nice and it lessens the dysphoria slightly. Not like I'd be good looking without them so maybe I should just keep them.

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all my head hair is composed of natural fucking payots and i hate it but i can't straight them because i haven't transitioned yet

>>38412433
Why not join a band if you want to be a chef?

>>38412434
So what’s your plan to deal with it

>>38412495
do nothing at all and just complain about it

>>38412433
Being into guys doesn't make it any easier I'm still a virgin.

i dislike my coomer sissy porn tastes a lot, but they are what they are. bitch of an earth. i guess i can sit here self hating or move on and go do something else

got hobbies to put my attention too instead, instead of the self hating I've been doing for years regarding agp

how are you all getting on anyway bros and sisters? up to anything?

>>38413119
What makes you dislike them anon?

Becoming somewhat obsessed with being/becoming a physically attractive man who completely abstains from anything sexual as penance for these thoughts, have I lost the plot

i'm so tired of thinking about this all the time. i need to either just troon out or repress better.

>>38413437
do you have ocd? i was obsessively worried about all this when i was about your age. went to the back of my head for a long while, then came back when i started to worry about it all again.
>>38413175
it makes me feel gross. im a man imagining being a young attractive girl having sex lol. its not my fault my heterosexuality is inverted, but its hard to accept. i envy the people who just accept themselves

>>38413313
Ah the old "obsession vs arousal" paradox.
I'm in it myself anon.

Don't forget a missing component of the equation, like the heart, for example.

>>38413604
>it makes me feel gross. im a man imagining being a young attractive girl having sex lol.
Why does that make you feel gross?

Isn't a man imagining having sex with a woman who isn't interested in him just as discordant?

i lost my personality with puberty and i'll never be able to get it back

>>38413765
I'm sorry anon.
If it's any consolation, I believe the personality that was in you that never got to grow was still real. She was real.

>>38413681
Can you elaborate on obsession vs arousal? Unfamiliar with it.

>>38406710
is this shit cyclical for anyone else? normally i can hold it together pretty well but every few weeks my autism shell just comes apart and i just have a day where i'm uncontrollably sobbing and screaming in my bed like a relapsing drug addict. i get uncontrollable tranny thoughts that flood my brain and need some kind of release. then after I get it all out of my system, i go back to repressing normally.

this is probably really bad for me mentally, but like most days I actually like being a guy. the problem is that it's not actually my natural mental state because of hormones, biology, underlying tranny repression. like it's all an act, but it's an act I usually don't mind dealing with.

>>38409352
It's over.

>>38407876
yeah i considered trooning for a while because my therapist pushed it, but I realized it would be extraordinarily isolating and life destroying. most other trannies are just lolcow autism memes I don't get along with, i'd lose all my guy friends, my career would unironically be over, would have to spend thousands of dollars in surgeries just to look remotely presentable, and i'd still wouldn't pass towering over everyone at 6'4".

like you don't actually have to troon, you can just dissociate and take ssris and it's pretty manageable. i only come to this thread every few weeks when I'm relapsing

>>38414171
Yes. I have been fine for years. But recently its all flared up. I am OCD and autistic. Sometimes its like the trans issue becomes an OCD fixation and autistic special interest.

I think the problem is worsened by poorly managed OCD (working on it via ACT) but also unmanaged autism. For years I've known I've been eccentric, different. But I've only recently realised how all-encompassing my (very likely, although I lack formal diagnosis) autism is. I think my lack of "sense of self" to an extent is a mix of chronic autistic masking, OCD worry about it, and AGP auto-androphobia / enjoying playing feminine personas.

In a detached way its very interesting, but in a lived way its very difficult.
With OCD its also hard to come to a decision on what to do going forward.

>yeah i considered trooning for a while
Likewise. Unfortunately I am not the type of autistic that can be imbued with powerful honfidence and unawareness - I envy them and sincerely wish them the best.
A difficult thing is that many repressors end up miserable, may transitioners end up miserablle. And of course we must remember many "normal" people end up miserable too. We are dealt the cards we are dealt, and we can either play or check out. I wish to continue playing. I hope ACT will give ways to help in that (Currently started The Liberated Mind by Russ Harris).

>>38414171
> i just have a day where i'm uncontrollably sobbing and screaming in my bed like a relapsing drug addict.
That's the woman inside you letting you know she wants out
Get on HRT retard

>>38414171
>is this shit cyclical for anyone else?
Yes

>>38414316
>Get on HRT retard
I'm not anti HRT, but really its not like transition is a miracle ticket to happiness

>>38414346
You dont transition to be happy but to alleviate dysphoria
Get on HRT retard before you shoot yourself

>>38414351
Dutasteride perhaps

Don’t want to be meatpuppetted by some suppressed identity. I completely understand that this is how it feels to friends and family of transitioning people because it’s what it feels like to me.

>>38414351
nta but it's not gonna make me any happier, so why do it?

>>38414390
theoretically it might. some "manmoders" and HRTreppers state they feel better on than they did off.

I've even read of an old repressor finding spiro helped him repress better lol

>>38414316
>That's the woman inside you letting you know she wants out
yes, and? i've already explained how getting on hrt would essentially ruin my life. like i'm sorry, but some of us don't have the privilege of being 20 and allowed to bed rot in our parents basement all day. i have a great career, i have friends, i'm fairly good looking as a guy, i'm active and social, that's far more than what most trannies on this board can say in terms of their overall success in life rotting on trooncord all day.

like you're absolutely delulu if you think turning myself into a mentally ill clown is a better cope than the one I have right now. we play the hand we're dealt in life and i've decided to actually make something of my life rather than troonrotting.

>>38414258
try an ssri. i think if you're prone to getting into ocd spirals, it can help a lot. it's decreased my obsessive thinking about this stuff to like 1 day per month which isn't bad.

spending 2 weeks trying to get myself to inject and maybe i'm just not cut out for this

>>38414481
>ocd
No word of a lie I have been constantly thinking about the trans issue for about a month. From when I wake to when I sleep. OCD is a tough one lol.
>SSRI
Maybe some day. I'm going to take a more behaviourist approach for now. The discomfort can be there while I move myself in a valued direction etc

It's a card available. As is HRTrepping etc etc.

>>38414171
I’m still in my very first span of actually having realized it and desperately trying to cope, ironically because I had finally resolved the problems that were haunting me in my life and was doing really good so I had time to think about things. Incredibly fucking cursed. If it recurs even more so.

>>38413604
i can't say i do, but it definitely feels like I have thought patterns that I can't get rid of..

>>38414568
the actual realization period is usually the worst. pinkpillers say it just gets worse over time but that's not really the case, after a while it just becomes a latent thing that shows up from time to time. you don't actually have to troon, you can just let it settle like that and deal with the occasional complications of repressing. sometimes that's a better option if it means you're more functional.

if you combine anti-depressants, exercise and a good diet you can stay pretty healthy and have a decent life. for me i take a sick day once every 1 or 2 months or so because i just need a day to let a lot of the pressure out from repping

but after i'm usually fine

>>38414658
>the actual realization period is usually the worst. pinkpillers say it just gets worse over time but that's not really the case
I think it’s more that the brain has this way of getting rid of coping techniques over time and you can’t really get them back, it sucks and is the reason that I had the realisation to begin with, just need to be aware that this is how it goes and deals with it. Thank you for your testimony.

>>38414742
>deals
deal*

how are femreppers so good at repping?

>>38414742
yeah coping isn't the way. you need to accept, but then choose a path from there

>>38412503
kek my strategy for other stuff kinda

>>38415041
you mean coping in the colloquial way, what you need is a coping strategy that is healthier than the last, you know, in the psychological sense of the word.

what a retarded dumbass place? how are you so fucking stupid?

>>38415484
what do you want

>>38415504
i want to fuck your mom in front of you while you call me daddy

>>38415517
well this is a general about not getting what we want

>>38415542
pls kill me, i am like worthless and mean

everything hurts, i don t think i can take it anymore :'(

>>38415619
larry i love you keep on keeping on

>>38415625
i love you too speedanon, i hope everything goes well for you, for me idk really

>>38415645
you'll loop back eventually

>>38415558
If I call you Larissa enough will you finally transition and stop bpding up the thread

>>38414966
women are way better at dealing with pain and suffering than men

>>38414966
I feel like realizing you're repressing as a man is more traumatic, you're essentially downwardly mobile to the lowest rung of the gender hierarchy ladder from now on, women have had to cope with not being men their whole lives but for other reasons.

ACT book is good so far. Just covering theory rather than the actual practice/exercises. I look forward to doing some of the work though.

i hate balding

>>38416524
are you on DHT blockers?

>>38416535
yeah
been on fin for nearly a year now
still don't know if its doing anything since my balding has been slow

If i were a girl i would be identical to my sister, we have the same face

>>38416621
does that mean you could pass

>>38416610
dutasteride is meant to be more powerful albeit more of a feminization risk, which if you're a repper, might not be so bad

so should I take steps to not go through second puberty at least, I have basically no body hair despite being in my mid twenties

>>38417456
second puberty isn't real it's just aging
happens to trannies too

itd be nice if there was a community like sasu but for reppers
I just want to kill myself eventually and it'd be nice to have like minded people to talk about it with

>>38417839
that sounds awful

>>38417849
eh some people still think they can figure out a way to fix things, I'm pretty hopeless about the whole thing nowadays
I feel like I tried everything there is to try when it comes to dealing with the tranny thoughts and there's nothing I'm really doing it for, I don't even really have the excuse of keeping myself alive for my family or anything since I've basically stopped talking to them

>>38417872
we already have weirdos who tell people here to kys if they're having a mood swing, this is an awful idea.

>>38417889
sorry, that wasn't a direct response to your post, I went autopilot at the mention of sasu. I can't help you but ctb'ing or whatever is always going to be the very last thing you will ever do. Have you done everything you wanted to do that you reasonably could?

>>38417958
eh I still intend on trying ketamine and last case scenario antipsychotics to see if they help but I'm basically at the end of my rope

>>38418518
maybe you’ll find more rope if you do things you never know

>>38418921
uhh maybe that wasn’t as cute a play on words as I thought with the rope and all

I just want to talk about this with people, I obsessively refresh this thread at this point. Such a weird thing to be going through, very confusing.
Maybe I need to take an internet break.

>>38406710
Does it count as repping if you're taking HRT and your entire online presence is as a woman but irl you stay boymoding?

>>38419189
I feel like it’s just self id honestly

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>holidays
>druk literally all day everyday
>mostly don't think tranny thoughts
So this is the trick, I just need to quit my job and be drunk all day.

>>38406710
i am a normal cis man who turns brainwormed boymoders into boyremoved girlmoders

i will never be a woman and always a top

qott:i would not want to see it as it would cause me too much pain

sounds evil

What is it precisely that ‘reppers’ are repressing?

>>38406710
qott: absolutely not, there's no way that doesn't make things a million times worse
>>38406837
no
>>38420835
the thoughts

>>38420835
Wearing makeup and girl clothes in public

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The guy who works at the chemist across the road from my work is so cute. If I was a girl it would be so easy to ask him out. He would actually appreciate it since girls never ask guys out. Instead I'm some socially awkward weirdo guy who can't even make eye contact when the cute guy hands me my meds. Even if he's hay I have no chance. I hate being a guy so much. Everything would be fixed if I had been born a girl.

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I'm going away friends. I'm going on an adventure to touch grass and hopefully rediscover my will to live. I'll be back in around a month. Wish me luck.

>>38420835
being gay

>>38420835
Personally I'm repressing being an annoying piece of shit. Everyone used to tell me I was annoying so I just stopped opening my mouth. Now I just give one word answers to everything.

at least you can and probably kys, i can t even do that, idk which is worse

>>38420835
I’m trying to live on knowing I have these thoughts without it wrecking me emotionally, so negative feelings for me not the thoughts.

>>38421243
you can do that without transitioning though?

I took a bath the other day and it made me feel so fucking dysphoric lmfao
I wish I had been groomed so badly as a preteen UGHHH I could have been such s hot italian dickgirl

it's not fair

>>38422288
it is gair bc you would have been chad only as a passoid, this is like karma for the incels i guess but i also would have been chad only as a passoid since i am only into dudes but was a straight incel before so idk which team i really am on..

>>38422302
I'm not an incel though I just wish I had been groomed and learned about transgenderism at a young age and transitioned then
I'm 34 now and I will never transition

>>38422255
keep yourself busy

>>38422309
you are like an ancient dimosaur, you stood no chance and desu personally even if i would have trooned at 14 would have been too late, too tall and big skull midface already by then, maybe at like 10 11 but i was barely sentient then so yea
>>38422313
it is hard when you feel like shit and have to feel like shit, at least i feel less and less so that is neat.. i feel really sorry for people here though..

>>38422356
you really should kill yourself, no offense

man, op's pic is fuckin me up...
I wish I had been a japanese schoolgirl with a small uncut dick...

i am so scared and in pain

why couldn t i have a huge dick

larry stop talking to yourself

why though

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>>38422378
It's from an anime called Senpai wa Otokonoko. It's about a crossdressing boy. It's pretty god.

it hurts so much sisters
this shit is cursed

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>>38422636

>>38422633
imagine being an asian male, you get an easy pass and even if you don t pass you are still at least a way cuter more feminine smaller hon than other races..
>>38422654
imagine being a tranny and lesbian, that shit is cursed, men are easy to get at least, most transbians are bi anyway..

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>>38422678
>tfw can't find a bf either

>>38422698
it is not hard, ugly fags get bfs, they just date other ugly fags but like gays are not monogamous anyway and are always looking for the next best thing so yea

>>38407521
how did you fuck up anon

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>>38422740
I just want a guy to cuddle me

>>38422756
you will feel horrible and dysphoric anyway and not even feel the affection from it bc he won t hug you but some random guy, it feels way worse than not having it, the trannies that were gay before and coule have sex and not be that dysphoric as dudes, i assume were just feminine small effeminate dainty fags and felt like and looked like girls always anyway, my tall big masc straight looking ass is just not like that, evennon hrt i felt too male..

>>38422633
If only the manga’s writing didn’t unravel over time. Cute art though, thought it would strike a cord with people so I used it.

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Maybe being a man isn’t really that bad and I’m just being a drama queen

moving out of my parents basement soon because of my job
god I'm so hopeful that I'll be able to rope, I think being alone and able to set up and buy suicide related shit without worrying about my parents will help me so much with actually killing myself
worst case scenario its a high floor apartment so I can just jump off

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how the fuck did i end up this much of a loser

i think i'll stop taking my anti depressants starting today

>>38422968
most positive good vibes repgen post
i still remember the one someone made abt being very desperate dying going to be homeless soon in the cold and shooting cracc meth also and their parents kicking them out and them just planning to sui or smth idk, it was fucking sad, i still kinda have the mood that it had in the back of my mind, it got no (You)s too iirc, this gen gets brutal sometimes..

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>>38422865
I never read the manga. I did read Hourou Musuko way back in the day.

>>38423052
read wandering son and boku girl as a preteen
now im gonna kill myself at 22
shitty life man

>>38423068
Damn, I read it in like 2006. I forgot how old it was. Maybe I should reread it.

Day 495783891 of not being an anime girl

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>>38423088
Don't remind me

>>38423088
damn anon how does it feels being a >1m yo repper?

At least I’m not a loser (anymore)
Or are all reppers losers

>>38407896
i didnt like my faceapp.....

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>>38414500
anon you already bought it. There is no harm trying it at least once. Just give it a try

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>>38423257
dont this will be you

>>38417872
anon maybe just maybe keep on keeping on :D

>>38422378
>I wish I had been a japanese schoolgirl with a small uncut dick...
same, we all do

>>38419539
>So this is the trick, I just need to quit my job and be drunk all day.
maybe that's why your dad was an acholic

>>38423257
>There is no harm trying it at least once
i'm scared of the small chance of potential harm of trying it once

>>38423274
idgi

>>38421277
anon plzzzzz go to therapy there was so manly layers to this post its amazing.

>>38421989
you could easily kill your self just like how you could easily take hrt. You have free will in this world anon

>>38423324
Are you scared of needles

>>38423306
nah I feel pretty bad today
I think I'm pretty set on it, by next month I'll be living by myself so I'll be free to prepare more for my suicide
not sure what the point of living is when all I've ever enjoyed in my life is sleeping through it

>>38423100
I'm so sad. I can't even masturbate the feelings away...

>>38423102
Yes i'm 1 million + years old so I've gone through 50000 male puberties at this point. Massive giga over

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>>38423342
>by next month I'll be living by myself

>>38423335
no lol, i was extremely suicidal months ago and felt the need to cut my wrists and jump off the nearest bridge 24/7 but my emotions got reduced and it went away, i am just very miserable now..

>>38423389
>extremely suicidal
why u feel like that son

>>38423423
i was manmoding 2-3 months on hrt and i realized i was fucking fucked and i will have to rope, and i used to have nightmares and sweat my bed each night and i got so suicidal at some point that everything around me was no longer real and i could only think abt death, ironically i used to feel most of the day like a woman and myself then.. i went back into repping after that.. i survived that and i feel so much better, even my therapist agreed, and the first time i lost the ability to feel suicidal depressed properly, she instantly noticed it and said that i seem like a different person.. i must have been really fucking bad before if feeling just miserable but not that bad was noticeable as hell.. god thinking abt it and thinking abt people here that are like that makes me feel bad and guilty..

I honestly don’t even know if I’m really a repper or I’m stealing valor, I might just be really confused because of chronic sleep deprivation.

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i wonder if losing one of my balls is the reason i'm like this or if i would've been like this regardless.

>>38423340
yes and i'm also scared of diy estrogen and being a troon

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nothing better when i'm feeling really dysphoric than getting on call with someone and feeling my adam's apple squirm around on my neck and hearing my ear-piercingly terrible voice reverberate through my entire gigantic skull

pls kill me like right now

>>38423619
There’s some pretty good guides out there, did you use them for getting your supply? Should minimize the risk? As for being a tranny well that’s your decision to make, but one injection isn’t exactly gonna do it, if that’s any comfort. Though it might make you feel different.

i got out of my bed an hour ago and i'm just sitting at my computer looking forward to going back to bed

>>38423717
it's teahrt and the vials are a few months old
i'm scared as hell

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i hate faggots

>>38424183
what part of the front are you repping on anon

>>38423972
anon you got this !

>>38424319
teahrt and i think safe needles
i'm scared about what could go wrong
or being low t or high e and having a mood swing at my job or when i have to visit family

>>38424365
Just make a decision, go to hrtgen and explain your situation to make an informed choice but do it or trash it, don’t stay stuck in this limbo.

the tranny fad is literally dead
just let it go

>>38424730
if you’ve got a nice step by step plan to remove the tranny mind virus I’d be happy to hear you out.

hey, emapthy for me?
i suffer and i am very miserable

>>38424711
i've been stuck in this limbo for years and i have gone on hrt and made threads about it lol

>>38425081
So you’re as informed as you’ll ever be then. Then make the choice. Right now. Your mental health is just going to deteriorate if you let this drag on.

>>38425164
>Then make the choice. Right now.
idk i don't want to hurt myself

>>38425736
You are hurting yourself right now. Do it or toss it.

>>38425741
i wish it wasn't so scary

>>38425806
>you will do it anyway
i probably won't

>>38425806
Larry please stop this behaviour

>>38425976
why be good to others when they have been horrible to me all my life?
you are being dumb and wrong to be good to them, they are just dumb animals following their instincts and nothing more

>>38425958
Is it scary to throw it in the trash? Which choice is scarier? It only gets worse by waiting over it. Also ignore Larissa.

tf is even here, support group therapy? people only come here in my suipushing thread only to trauma dump and give nothing in return and the worst part is that they ain t even killing themselves, this is fucked up dawg

Why not just be a femboy? Worst case scenario you come off as a normal guy with hipster or gay looking fashion, best case you satisfy your desire to be feminine.

>>38426381
gtfo of here you annoying faggot, stop posting this shit here daily, are you a crazy lunatic? go kys nigger

>>38426390
Maybe you wouldn't have so much pent up anger from splitting yourself into two personalities then lol

Why not just be a corpse? Worst case scenario you end your suffering, best case you spend an eternity in heaven as a woman.

>>38426402
why not just fuck your mom and be straight? you could practice being straight on your mom s vagina and maybe become one, why do you have to be a gay boy? be an incestuous lunatic like myself, and stop posting trash here, take all of your pent up anger on your mom s cunt. god just imagine your juciy wet drippy mom cunt, why don t you want to stick your dick into that? go fuck your mom, i bet she would moan so hard and you would do a better job than your dad, just like chris chan did
fuck it, if you don t want it, why not just be a zoophile instead of gay? go fuck a dog, any gender is fine, it can be male too, imagine a wet warm dog male asshole, imagine a the striations on his asshole and all his dog moans and woofs woofs and howls as you fucks his dog poopyhole, play with his shit also, why not bro, why can t you just do that and fuck a dog in the ass and suck his loose prolapsed hole?
you know what? why not fuck both your mom and your dog? be both an incestuos bastard and a zoophile, why be gay?
you are welcome

the past few days whenever I've not been actively distracting myself I've just been crying. is this good
>>38426381
twinkdeath comes for us all

>>38426446
completely sane person award

having Larissa in this thread feels like being locked up in a mental institution ngl desu

>>38426777
i am just very miserable after a miserable life and my brain starts failing on me more and more but i am still sane, anyway, this is what repping does to you, maybe you should troon out, unless you actually want to be like me, this is fun too!

my head feels so weird sometimes and my mood emotions fluctuates like crazy, i am at the mercy of fate and god and have no idea what is going to happen to me, god, this is so exciting!

>>38426585
i cant cry and it really sucks
if i don't distract myself i just start getting strong urges to self harm lol

>>38427044
*have a hug fren*

It's actually comforting to know that even if I started early I would have been a freak. I was 6 feet and broad shouldered already when I was 14-15. Genetically there was simply never a chance, I didn't fuck up anything.

>>38427558
had my growth spurts and puberty changes very late, so I don’t have this cope. But honestly there was just no timeline where I would have put two and two together at that age despite the thoughts definitely being present and not really sexual.

>>38427558
>>38427610
I have no excuse, no cope, I knew early, I wanted to tell my parents, I could have diyed even if I was a coward, I just fucked it all up
I'll never be able to forgive myself unfortunately, 1 year of therapy and I've made zero progress on viewing the situation any differently, I had every chance to have a real life I just didnt take it

>>38406710
qott: no. i would probably shoot myself

i want to die

>>38406710
QoTT did you know that if you were to create a sperm and an egg from your dna somehow it would create a perfect clone of you that could be the opposite gender of you? It wouldn’t actually have any birth defects because recessive genes that show up with incest wouldn’t get the chance to express themselves. Also none of that clone aging issue.

>>38428113
Actually don’t quote me on the clone aging thing

I CANT FUCKING DO THIS SHIT ANYMORE
THE ENVY IS EATING ME ALIVE
I CANT LIVE IN THE SAME HOUSE AS MY SISTER

>>38428430
hrtrep my bro. honestly similar boat. i wouldn't pass or anything, but im going koo koo crazy. yeah I know it's AGP etc, I know I'm nuts, but so what at this point lmao. ill at least see how it feels to get this sex drive knocked out

I want to see testimonials of people who used to post in threads like this and then transitioned, I want to know what their experience was like. Unlikely that they are lurking however.

>>38426325
>Is it scary to throw it in the trash? Which choice is scarier? It only gets worse by waiting over it.
every choice is scary

>>38429162
But only one is strictly the worst choice. Waiting.

>>38429174
if i wait i can stay cowardly and rep
if i take it now i might regret it
i'm scared

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ive finally decided to stop repping

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>>38429440
Congrats anon

>>38429509
im never gonna pass but at least i will be happier probably

if i had started transitioning on time instead of repping for like 5 years (and counting) all of my current problems would've disappeared
im too pussy to transition bc im never gonna pass and im too pussy to kill myself what do i do

>>38429621
ive also been repping for 5 years but finally doing it now

I think I'm just fucking cursed desu. I'm going to lay it all out in a greenbelt because I want to die and I'm tired.
>be me (hello)
>earliest memories are growing up in germany at like 3 years old confused why I'm not grill
>forego doing boystuff with my brother and his frens
>always wanted to play woth barbies with neighbor girls
>even got my mom to buy me the spinning gymnastics barbie on the pretext that I just liked the spinning motion
>these types of things continue my whole life
>puberty age comes
>have a teeny tiny growth spurt
>still look very girlish in the face
>120 lbs/54kg soaking wet despite being 5'8"/170cm
>dick barely ever grew
>still always hoping to wake up as a girl
>develop really bad depression/panic disorder
>homeless because family kicks me out (you'll become a maaaan by paying rent son)
>bunch of other life stuff happens if wont bore you with
>25, finally kinda stable life (kinda not really)
>learn what transitioning is and start looking into it
>start taking zoloft
>instantly makes me not panic as much/life changing
>also makes me not give a fuck
>stop looking into transition
>sertraline makes me gain a bunch of weight to the point I actually look like a guy for once and women are approaching me.....
>6 years go by
>31 dysphoria comes raging back
I was so close to transitioning when I was petite and youthful. I feel like I'm the butt of a cosmic joke. I wonder if I were to lose all the weight if I would have the same girlish frame I had underneath the weight. I do still look young in the face. I feel like it's too late, and I don't want to go through with it if I'll just look stupid/not pass. Even then I have maybe 10-15 years of being cute before I'd look like an old hag anyway. I just wanna reroll characters desu my life has always sucked.

seems like another troon wave
final nail in the coffin for this place
>>38429927
that really does seem to have been a really shitty ass life, i won t blame you for being suicidal and commiting sui!
you are 31 Michael stop being a puss wuss, you should be man already to troon out already or pull out the plug!

>>38429959
it was a nice try fren

>>38429963
did you ever think that you could repp?
i am barely sentient and here with you and i can barely do it and i am miserable as sin lol

>>38429988
I didn't really know about transitioning or anything until I was 25, but after that I thought it was inevitable I would transition. Prior to that I just thought it was sex addicted drag queens who cut their dicks off (which isn't the far from the truth when you look at most mtf). Zoloft made me numb and distracted from it.

>>38430009
that sucks, i wish i could help you but i can t even help myself

>>38429440
Good luck!

>>38406710
How do I stop the itch?

>>38429354
If you want to rep you TOSS IT. Do we really have to keep going in circles about this? If you know you can’t get yourself to do it no matter what, toss it. If you want to do it, do it now.

holy shit why is the dysphoria suddenly so intense lmao. I have been fine for years. I will order syringes tonight god damn. trans you win. another repper has fallen

>>38430844
lmao it's funny how apparently everyone is synced up here
I've been having real bad panic attacks as of late, idk if I want to try to transition, but like if the alternative is a permanent crashout

>>38430920
yeah it's funny lol. even on a discord I browse a guy was just mentioning like "oh yeah a few years back I almost transitioned" lol.
but yeah im like perma on edge atm. I get a few hours of peace around the evening before bed, then it's panic at night with bizarre mental imagery, dragging myself through work the next day, and then being in a weird panicked robot state in the afternoon after
no idea what I want to do. how much of this is dysphoria, how much is just heavy ocd.
suicidal thoughts keep coming. id rather be a cis male on hrt than dead

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>>38423328
Nah it's too late for therapy. Also I don't trust therapists. The last one I went to tried to convince me things were going to be okay.

>>38430951
perma on edge is the perfect way to describe it. my sh/ed is getting weird again which is awesome. took a deep breath this afternoon and realized I'd been at like 90% anxiety for days. tried to do some voice training and felt physically relieved
idk I feel dumb because everyone describes transitioning as such a positive thing but I mostly just don't want to kill myself in the nearish future and the current plan is not trending toward that direction

>>38423623
Fuck I never noticed my own adams apple moving a round and now I can't unnotice it.

>>38430920
it is the holidays and new year so people get close to family and realize how bad their life is by contrast so they want to do smth abt it as a new year resolution

repgen had also been more active these last few days while other gens less active bc yea holidays and people think abt how shit their life is and how they are wasting it

>>38430794
how do i stop & rep the urge to dress up & go to town ?

I would purely out of curiosity then I would just rope

>>38431083
>>38431094
ya true. I think it's also harder to stay 100% distracted with time off work

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>>38431061
have fun anon

>>38430985
yeah i feel ya. i have all the typical brainworms too. im not effeminate, i wouldn't pass, i am very AGP etc. oh well. hrt might help so worth a shot.

i might even get on antidepressants too, ill see.

I'm doing permanent damage to my hearing having my headphones turned way up to drown out the dog that's been barking next door for the last 12 hours. At this point being deaf would be a blessing.

just troon out everyone, repping is and was always pointless, you are not losing anything anyway

>>38431163
larry you seem a bit more stable today

>>38431163
Trooning out is the worse of the two options though

>>38431177
it is not, manmoding or repping is same shit, at least with manmoding you are done with thinking abt it so much and get smth even if just a bit more fem, even if you rope in the end, you will try manmoding first anyway and this way at least you sped up the process and spare yourself some suffering, no one here has a life or anything to lose by taking hrt and you know you will troon out in the end, is not going away unless you are mentally ill like me but i am not having a good time either..

i don't even want the physical effects of hrt it's nuts. just want this dysphoria to go

Please kill me for the love of god

>>38431496
please me too, i need help or to be killed but there is no help and costs a lot of cash if there is any

>>38430964
Your mental landscape seems fascinating, just let someone take a look for the fun of the game

>>38429440
cringe.

can you end my suffering?

Cutting for the first time since June last year

Imagine having a vagina.

Or better - an anime vagina

imagine being a real human being with a soul, imagine being a normie though desu normies don t seem to have much of a soul, they are like npcs just generated from cookie cutter programming..

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>>38431696
Must be nice

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>>38431719

>>38431716
Correct. Only people who experience true pain like us are human.

>>38431687
I was kind of having a break down and made a cut right across my forehead and now I'm panicking.

>>38406837
I did
Nothing changed
Nothing matters
I simply aren’t a trans woman
I’m nothing at all.

i think you guys should like troon out
you seem pretty miserable

fuck reddit for not letting me post without karma and older account, tf is all that bs abt

>>38431768
You don’t seem to be having fun doing your whole performance itt juggling multiple characters and randomly telling people to kys when you have a mood swing, you probably should do anything else

>>38431835
i am not larping or doing a performace lmao, i am genuinely very mentally unstable and mood swing like crazy, do i act like different people? i just feel kinda the same, just smths very miserable, angry, sad emotional and calm just a medium miserable, i probably unironically should get some mental health care but that is not important since no one cares abt it..

>>38431852
You sometimes post as anonymous and then as Larry again, is what I’m referring to. But no seek psychiatric help please.

fucking hell bros

>>38431866
psychiatrists are so expensive :'(

>>38431822
Yeah I nuked my reddit account and I've never been able to post there again since no matter how many new accounts I made. I think they shadow ban your IP. God knows how that site is still alive when it's so hard to even post there. Sometimes I just make a new account and message a bunch of mods telling them I'm going to kill myself. Sometimes they message back.

>>38431941
From the way you keep posting here it’s safe to say this is a life or death or at least complete ruin situation so bite the bullet

my new years resolution is to troon out

my new years resolution is to finally find the courage to kill myself

>>38432099
>a life or death or at least complete ruin situation
yes, one bad agressive mood swing and i am done for and it is harder to control but meds just can t help me

I like using she/her pronouns, but trooning out seems pointless at this point. I am not a woman and I know it.

>trooning out in big 20 20 5
lmao

>>38432310
That’s how you know the GD is real

if you think about trooning out you're a lost cause.

>>38430801
i don't know what i want

any reppers been on hrt and stopped?

>>38432524
yeah i have

>>38432525
how long on it?

>>38432548
like a month?

>>38431155
protect your hearing man, get tws with good anc if you want to drown out loud noises

>>38431163
thing is I dont see the point of trooning out either

How are we gonna cope in the year 2025?

>>38431716
>>38431727
I'm a soulless npc yet I'm still here

>>38432511
ANON YOU DO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT. You bought this for that goal. How many goals have you accomplished why not add this one to your belt. Inject that shot

>>38431530
thats what im saying

>>38432564
did you actually get any changes? i was on it for six months and stopped. wish i'd kept repping now

>>38432648
>did you actually get any changes?

No
I don't regret stopping or stopping hrt. It was never going to work.

>>38432511
do a coin toss

troon out now!

ADHD ruined my life more than GD.

It doesn’t matter
Troop or not
I’m already dead
Hrt does nothing

>>38432715
Right now? Everything is shutting down

>>38432782
pretty much but if i tell people to rope i am le bad, this gen is a death cult

>>38432768
I overcame (the life ruining part of) ADHD but it took years, you can do it anon

>>38432768
honestly I think this is me but OCD

bump limit bitch

life is such a curse

>>38433025
now you have to make the thread (once this one reaches page 10)

>>38432768
>>38432886
that's currently happening to me, im falling behind in life because i have no motivation to do anything

>>38432886
I'm almost 33 and I've been on every prescribable drug for ADHD except Intuniv. None of them help

My brain is so outside normal.

pls help me pls

>>38433310
You just have to accept that you’re just innately going to be a few years behind your peers at least for a while, but it’s not the end of the world. If you set attainable goals and work to it you can make it. Slow and steady wins the race.

not repper related but i finally started working on getting my drivers license again if i keep at it at my current pace i'll only be 3-4 years behind all my peers

I don’t want to make the thread again someone else do it

>>38433794
there are millionaires at 16 years old, you are only in competition with yourself, no one walks in your shoes and has your struggles

fuck you
>>38434572