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>>41909205
Dissociation works pretty well until it doesn't. An upside is that I don't really feel negative emotions for any extended period of time, but the downsides are that I honestly already forgot everything that happened this week, and when you eventually stop living in your head, everything hits you at once.
I don't want to exist like this, but what is the alternative? Sometimes I feel like I'm wearing a blindfold and that my eyes aren't seeing reality, perceiving instead a crude imitation, but it's either making do with this shoddy copy or my mental state crashing out again.

Rant over. To answer my own question, I'd go back to Jesus' resurrection to see if the guy was legit or not.

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Sorry /repgen/ I ordered some E, the confirmation email just hit. It's happening GOOD BYE FOREVER /repgen/!

>>41909604
mind if i do the same?

>>41909604
god i wish that were me

>>41909205
>If you could travel back to any point in history, where would you go?
You mean like rewinding my own personal time or like time traveling to save Hitler?

>>41909619
nta but why dont you just order e then? i dont even mean that in a pinkpill way im a perma hrtrepper so im never socially trooning but i dont understsand reppers who REFUSE to touch e but really want to

>>41909205
If we are talking for a moment and then go back, probably to a point where I can see a resolution go a mystery I would get shit ton of cash for solving.
If we are talking permanently, probably early 2000s. Internet didn't turn to shit thats focused around handfull of shit websites. It just seems like there was more actual life and joy on the web back then. Right now it's all soulless crap that tries to take your data and money, and everything good that's out there exist despite how it is and not because of it. If I go to a reasonable enough place I will be right now at the age where I can just not care about it anymore if I wish.

>>41909604
good for you nona. i hope you never return.

https://unsee cc/album#KhqkC0qondDL
Felt cute please tell mem I'm a brick and could never pass

EVEN WITH FFS AND SRS I WILL STILL BE A MALE MAN

>>41909205
Any time before ~1920. Everything went downhill from there. Although I want to see early computers, just in a world where the LGBT movement never haopened.

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>>41909604
ten years of manmoding here I come!

Is god just playing some cruel joke on us, legitimately why are we like this?

>>41911103
that's actually horrific, isn't hrt supposed to stop body hair?

>>41909205
it'd be pretty interesting to visit the institute of sexology before it got burned down i think
i kinda wonder what kind of world we'd be in if their research and such were able to be spread around the world at the time, but the idea does make me kind of paranoid that i'd accidentally only end up fanning the flames of fascism
still, it's nice to try and imagine what kind of world we'd be in if everyone was more accepting and understanding earlier

>>41911317
No?
z
HRT would stop further masculisation but doesn't affect existing growth. Anecdotally I think years of cypro lightened my hair but I can only judge based on my detransition afterwards, really

>>41911103
please say sike
this isnt actually you right? the tits with the hair is actually so fucking foul it blows my mind

>>41912144
I started hrt before I developed chest hair, though I'm fuzzy. Otherwise same situation

>>41911560
Nigga when you have tits like that you are in too deep, and you never should have detransed. Actually it's why I rep.

>>41909604
You'll be back

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>>41909205
Before the industrial revolution.

>>41909604
perfectly fine, once I get enough money I decided I am trooning out too. I have been repping for 2 years now, and I've just come to the realization I looked busted as a man, but fairly pretty when I present as a woman.

Wish I was an elf girl

>>41909205
What does dissociation even feel like, I feel like none of my feelings are real but I feel like im faking that

>>41909205
i would go to the rome empire and become emperor domitian's boyfriend
then i couldnt troon out no matter what

>>41912536
same

>>41912536
Trans women are by definition elf girls

>>41912536
fucking tree huggers dwarfs for lyfe

>>41913369
Elves are supposed to be pretty and graceful though.

>>41913369
Elves are pretty, and slim, and athletic, and possess insane agility and sometimes magical abilities

Trooners are just lumps of autistic shit in general, even the passoids

>>41912198
I have tits and just bind. It's not like you can just be a gorillahon and live your life comfortably

>>41912730
I'm wondering the exact same. People have been telling me that I do sound dissociated, but I really can't believe it, because I still feel like I'm too present and aware in order to call it dissociation. I do feel completely hollow, and barely alive, but I can't imagine that ever not being the case

>>41913454
actually i'm pretty and slim and athletic with magical abilities

>>41913818
If so why would you be in repgen? Pretty sure 90% of the people here would troon if they were pretty enough for it to work out, the people who are ideologically dedicated to repping for no good reason are very few.

>>41909205
back to when I was 16 or younger with detailed info on hrt and what trannies are few vials with needles

>>41911317
I haven't opened those threads but I think it's ftm whos very depressed and hrt doesn't demasculinese you just stops it but afaik it can make your hair less noticeable because it can make it grow in a thinner way and it also stop the growth of few facial hairs on me and made other pale but I couldn't grow a full beard or mustache before so idk how useful it is for a average person

>>41909945
it's too late for me. no point

My foundational sin was, ultimately, trying to be someone else to please others. My family probably would've treated me worse, but at least I would've been myself, and escaped ASAP.

>>41915439
Must be a common one because that was mine too.

>>41915583
It's probably the biggest reason for reppiing for those of us who had our GD manifest before puberty.

>>41915439
fear of what other people will think of me has killed me, i am dead now because of it

>>41915689
Exactly. I hate that I let this happen to me, but the groundwork for it began when I was so young that I have to wonder if there was ever any hope.

>>41915689
Same it's the reason I repped for so long, now I just hrtrep so my family doesn't know

I can't live like this anymore

>>41915439
If I didn't care about relationship with my parents I would have transitioned at 16 with diy. It took me way too long to realise it was stupid to care about what they thought. Honestly I might still do it now. I have 0% chance of passing but it will make them suffer to see their "son" is doing. They will suffer for getting me stuck in this stupid life. I also concidered pretending to be gay

My biggest dream is to throw sulfuric acid in the faces of all the pretty passoids and femboys

>>41916007
You and me both repster

>>41916312
I don't give a shit about "femboys", they always look lame. But passoids can get fucked. Shouldn't be allowed to be a thing.

>>41916315
help me...

>>41909604
Good luck nona.

>>41909376
Did you ever lose a day from memory, like you don't remember it existing

>>41909205
take your HRT, retards

>>41916550
too old, too late

>>41916550
I want kids thougheverbeit

>>41916550
Do you also go to homeless people and just tell then to get a house?

>>41916689
he posts this in every thread every day for years including femrepgen for however long it's been up

>>41916730
I might have admired the dedication if it was on something actually mesnintfull

>>41916312
>>41916332
These kinds of evil, destructive urges help nobody. If you had the kind of mystical ability to accomplish that task (being in so many countries, tracking so many people, attacking successfully without being caught? A miracle.) then you should instead wish for everyone to become a passoid.

have you tried dating men without taking hrt?

>>41917840
Yes, I don't like gay relationships, and I was basically forcing myself to be attracted to them as some kind of cope to prove my validty

im finally cutting off everyone
im finally killing the girl inside me
it barely even feels real atp but im finally fucking taking responsibility
and i dont even have to go to the effort of killing myself!!
this is the best spiral of my life

The only thing I need to cut off is these tits bro

>>41917819
Nothing helps regardless but a little evil urge every now and then feels good, so whatever

I look in the mirror and sometimes I think I could pass and then the shadows hit my face right and I look like a 60 year old man

>>41909205
>QOTT: If you could travel back to any point in history, where would you go?
Most of my time travel shenanigans would just be going to see films in theaters when they released. I would kill to see The Cabinet of Dr Caligari in a theater in 1920.

I WISH I WAS A WOMAN

>>41909205
desu now is probably high tide for converting my computer autism into money so wouldn't go too far back
>>41917840
yea it's kinda hard to keep up a relationship while also viscerally hating yourself to the point where it's hard to have sex

I'd probably stop my dad before he blew his load and maybe the second time a XX sperm succeeded.

>>41915439
Trvke. I would like to see the venn diagram of chronic people pleasers and reppers.

funny how pinkpillers only exist in anonymous online spaces where your physical appearance isn't easily visible

>>41917840
meta attraction doesn't kick into action unless you feel like a delicate thing compared to the guy

I’m so good at dissociating and ignoring the gender identity problems I have and now I saw Cocona come out as trans today and now I can’t stop feeling really weird gender envy and trans thoughts again. Its like a relapse

tfw looking into the "nonbinary" meme transition shit again

i just wanna not masculinise, i dont want to be a woman really. make it fucking stop.

>>41919610
i got 99 problems but trooning ain't one

>>41919770
i got 99 problems and repping is almost all of them

>>41917819
The point is that becoming a passsoid is not a possibility. Nor would everyone become one, if that were the case, life wouldn't be fun. However, harming others is possible. It wouldn't have to be everyone, obviously.

so sucralose... yes or no?

>Have weird long hair and a young face, but don't look remotely like a girl
>Someone in a store I'm at visibly does a double-take when they hear me speak
>Get back to the car and the radio is playing Dude Looks Like a Lady
The universe is mocking me, isn't it?

>>41919435
yeah. to be with a guy i need to shave, wear something feminine and do some makeup. all of that makes it hot. without any of that the idea of being with a guy becomes disgusting

>>41919839
in this instance i must insist you take your pills

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one weird thing i found that helps is to pretend i actually have a female soul, and consider myself internally female (imagining myself as a woman, talking with a female voice in my head, stuff like that).
i don't know why, but when i imagine i'm a female spirit pretending to be male in a male body, things get way better, like i'm in on a conspiracy nobody else is privy to, everything i do becomes a performance. i obviously don't actually believe this, i've done too many malebrained things to ever actually believe that (and even if it were true, my soul has already been tainted), but the fantasy really does help. not optimal, but i'll take it.

>>41909205
I would travel back in time to kill myself

>>41919867
yeah but also dropping muscle mass and developing subcutaneous fat

>>41919881
Anon, I'm implying the person thought I was a tranny, not a girl. It's not the first time I've had that happen, though usually it's someone giving me shit.

>>41920179
Normies don't think trannies can voice pass.
I was always gendered male until I spoke when I was trans with a semi-passing voice.

>>41920777
To be fair, a lot don't seem to try. It's possible I was being paranoid about getting 'outed', though I know what people think about the hair. As far as I know she could've thought I sounded like someone she knew, but it came across to me like a funny cosmic coincidence anyway.

>>41915226
maybe? how old are you, if youre over 30 sure whatever i guess, but otherwise i think its worth a shot

>>41914139
I don't troon out for a variety of reasons. I am 32 and still look androgynous (I didn't have any semblance of male puberty until like 19). I'm sure you're right about some people though.

I find most trannies to be the most masculine-brained autistic porn addicts I've ever met. I've always assumed that a lot of reppers have this opinion and have a more natural mindset of the gender they feel, as opposed to a porn induced delusion. My dysphoria doesn't have a sexual component, and I have memories of being three years old and wondering why I'm not a girl.

>>41921058
delayed puberty doesn't matter when you're 32 lmfao

>>41909205
If travel back to the day i was born and choke my self out in the crib than carve YWNBAW on my skull so in the spring of 2006

im a hopeless husk of a person

>>41921440
I feel that, I'm reminded of how I couldn't grow a full beard until my mid-20's every time I shave and curse myself.

>>41923809
I think I caved in and transitioned because I had sprouted another hair after a decade of nothing but a few upper lip hairs. Spooked me good even though it was but one hair on my jawline

>>41924439
Thinning hair spooked the shit out of me and started a process that forced me to confront just how miserable repping my whole life has been, but sadly it's way too late to actually transition now for me.

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When you're a cis man with an ogreish face but you sometimes like to dress feminine but have no chances of ever passing but you take a look at yourself from behind and that angle looks so feminine it actually gets you bricked up

i looked like a 10 year old until i turned 16 then i turned into an ogre

dont want to be a woman just wish male puberty never destroyed my appearance so ill take anti androgens and be a eunuch but present male i think. the human body is so so gross and im autosexual anyway at this point

this should count as a terminal mental illness and the government should help me kill myself asap

>>41921000
i'm 27

>>41926917
eh, right on the edge imo, i think you could at least take hrt, i dunno about social transition/passing, but youre at the cusp of serious and permanent masculinization, like true twinkdeath into old man phase, im betting you just end up shooting bathtub e in 10 years wishing you had started now

>>41928511
this is the most stressful answer you could've given me

>>41928700
i think its the most honest answer i could give you, at this stage youre passed the age where e is gonna have tremendous effects on you, but it will, importantly, stop further masculinization
past a certain point i honestly think hrt is primarily just a form harm reduction
ive seen 30yo+ transitioners end up passing but its basically entirely down to bonepill at that point, you either having an underlying structure thats amicable enough to passing with some estrogenated flesh on top or you dont, theres some work that can be done with ffs at least, but truly passing isnt guaranteed by any measure
i just know the reality is that masculinization really doesnt stop and late 20s is when people truly really exit from young man -> aging man with a capital M, no matter how often you hear shit about "just moisturize and sleep well", more masculinization is just a normal part of aging as a man
if the idea of becoming much more of a distinct man, deepening voice, widening jaw, more body hair, etc. is too much to stomach you honestly need to just inject e in private and hrtrep, people meme youll look like a tranny but that doesnt happen without growing your hair out and getting laser facial hair removal and shaping eybebrows, youll instead just prob be stook at looking oddly early-mid 20s twink boy-ish

i feel like utter shit over not being a woman

between this shit getting worse and my family making it likely the holiday is a mess i just feel so alone
i know that coming to this thread probably isn't helping but feels nice to at least write things down and shout into the void
anyway managed to not cut even though i really wanted to pls clap

This fucker I know is STILL celebrating trans suicides and expecting me to laugh along. I swear I wish I never met these people. Probably would've gave in and trooned out while I was young and would've been much better off too.

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>>41931925
don't confront him about it though

>>41933252
Is this a trans woman? If so, hot

>>41933279
that's my son dimitri

There is this woman at work, ethnic looking, she is utterly beautiiiiiful, i want to ask her where she is from biologically speaking, her heritage interests me because i want to know where i can find women as beautiful as her. It is so hard to pinpoint, india, africa or Portugal it is hard to say. She could be Brazilian.. all i know she is beautiful... she looks the way japanese people draw black women nut better

How do i find out what she is

i feel physically deflated all the time

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why can't you be the male equivalent of picrel?

>>41933387
Pronouns are the least of my concern

>>41933387
because that's embarrassing and sounds like a cry for attention/help

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>>41933476
you can be a masculine man and live as a woman

>>41933387
>tell everyone i'm a sissy gooner and use she/her
>still get he/him
fuck my chungus life

monotherapy is giving me serious acne. I've been hoodwinked

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Is there any good place to chat with reppers, where it doesn't take long to get a reply?
I'm once again going through the cycle of "maybe i should", and it would be nice to talk about. The one person i usually talk to is (probably) worn down by my complaining, and doesn't really get repping.

If i were to start, it would be nice to have someone else in a similar situation to talk to. I've just turned 30, used to be a faggy twink, and luckily still hairless, though i've seen a handful chest hairs pop up in recent years, i think that might influence what i'm currently going through. Maybe i should just hon it out?
I don't know what to do with life, and can't even see two years ahead.

>>41934923
>it would be nice to have someone else in a similar situation to talk to
Trust me, its not. It's mostly a waste of time. There will be no insights gained and you'll probably feel more depressed than before, listening to them bring up pain points for both of you over and over again.

>>41935040
But is it not sensible to find someone with common struggles, to share my problems with? desu i don't think the average mtf really understands reppers much, especially not when we're already a bit of an unc age. Idealy i'd start transitioning with ssomeone in a similar situation, to share progress and problems with. Life's a struggle of my own making tbf

>>41935109
The point of repressing is NOT transitioning, genius. What youre looking for is a babytrans or egg. Regardless, this shit is not going to be good for your mental health, but nobody ever wants to hear it...

>>41934923
You may as well try at some point imo. I did at 24.
That said you'll have to accept you'll have breasts afterwards if you desist, but lots of posters are hrt reppers anyway I guess.
I'm happier with repping after having tried to be trans. It hurts but it's a numb pain. I can't help it after all and I did try so

I wish I was female shaped and not fugly male shaped
Yes I’m agp but that’s ok

anyone listening to any good music? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uV396WnT1D8
>>41934923
unfortunately this is as good of a place as any to talk / find people; there's a discord server that I don't have a link to or you could post your handle if you want to have an actual conversation

>>41935210
>The point of repressing is NOT transitioning, genius.
yeah, yet 95% of reppers think about it a lot. Repping isn't a static identity, but an ideal to live up to, an ideal that most of the time does not hold up to time. Not everyone can live life like the Jüngerian anarch, although it would be nice. Unfortunately the material reality often prevents people from being cozy in their mind, and it's that what right now is bothering me.
But like i wrote in my original post, it's just a cycle i sometimes go through, which would be nice to talk about with someone, because i know such is a common experience for reppers to go through.

Eggs don't know if they're actually trans yet, so their speculations are irrelevant to what i'm going through. Babytrans have given in to their desires, at most they can tell reppers to "just do it, sis" (something i've heard plenty of times), plus they're often way younger than me, while i can be happy for them and impressed by the dedication to their choice, i don't particularly have much in common with them.

Like i said in another post, ideally i'd transition with someone in a similar situation as me, but in reality it i am not certain that i even want to transition. I'd just appreciate someone to talk to, who understands the struggle.
I live on my own, have money, independence, if my heart was dead set on transitioning i'd have done so long ago, but i haven't. I'm unsure and cannot make up my mind, even despite of having the feelings of wanting to transition. HOw is that not repping?

I know it is bad for my mental health, that's why i want to talk with people on it. Not in random discord servers with xD memez xD or orbiters in different camps, or with a therapist who knows nothing of the struggle (esp not in this backwards country), but someone who knows the struggle without having to flesh out every detail

>>41935364
>yet 95% of reppers think about it a lot
You know I bet they don't. I'm not a repper anymore, but when I was, I just tried to forget about anything trans, forget about gender, forget even about feminism, just don't think and grind away at the immediate things I need to do.
I imagine most reppers are like that, at least the successful ones. I suspect those that spend a lot of their time thinking about it crack more often or at least become "HRT reppers" rather than pure ones.

>>41935247
I did buy hrt when i was late 28, still have it but i figure it has gone bad so would have to buy new.
My issue is that i can't find a community or anyone to talk to, which led to me burning out on trying because i was pretty clueless despite reading about it a lot.
reppers and detranners seem like the two things that are generally despised and misunderstood on many points, for me it makes it really difficult to interact with other lgbt people. I don't want to participate in the twitter sphere either, because people over there are so attention starved and catty, no matter what gender, and will do anything for those twitter updoots. Bit sidetracked, sorry.
I knew youthfulness wouldn't last forever, but now in my 30's the this stuff is coming up again. It sucks, i thought i was over it years ago now i don't know. Expected to fade into cishet life, get gf, kids, etc. But this stuff is a bigger part of me than i expected, and looking back it has prevented me from doing some things. Luckily my body still looks kinda ok, face not so much though.

>>41935333
I don't know if discord groups are a good idea, they always tend to divolve into factionalism and popularity politics in my experience. But sure i could post my handle, if you'd like that

>>41935407
By a lot i meant that it comes in waves/cycles, not as a constant thought.
I've had years where it went ok and i mostly could ignore it, maybe popped up when i was confronted with trans stuff irl (which isn't much) but overall it isn't too bad. Yet sometimes i do have weeks, maybe max a month, where i think about it a lot, after it has been triggered.
>You know I bet they don't
>I'm not a repper anymore
lel not to be rude, but it was clearly enough on your mind to end up breaking you from repping. Happy for you though.

Think one of my issues is, that i know i want to transition but don't want to admit to that desire

>>41935474
idk I was just as isolated when I was trans if not moreso. I just did it alone; reading up on hrt, voice training, etc

>>41935631
That's nice, happy you figured yourself out. I think i'm just at a point in my life where some community would be nice, and would appreciate being able to ask people about stuff. I think i'm just being stupid though, a spat of silliness, and that i'll return back to my regular life sooner than later. Just riding out the feelings for a bit, then afterwards i can go back to larping as cisbrained. Just nice to write a little about my issues, even if it comes off as stupid to some who'll read it.

>>41935333
I made a discord, in case someone wanted to talk: femrepper (i'm surprised the name wasn't yet taken). For the fellow reppers who are curious, i'm six one and 30y/o

>>41935746
>i'm six one and 30y/o
select difficulty:
easy
medium
hard
>legendary

>>41935746
oh I'm detrans now obviously
this is a general for male reppers tho

>>41935791
Flexing on you shortfags. I don't mind my height, tall women here are common anyway. But yea, age isn't ideal. But if i were to do it, i wouldn't expect to pass and just manmode, it'd more just be for myself. Socially as male i do rather well.
>>41935801
Ah, that's fair. Yeah, ik. It's just where i feel most at home, got most in common with reppers. I don't think i'll actually go tranner, mostly just venting.

>>41935850
i’m not a shortfag, i’m just saying it ain’t gna be easy. where are you from?

>>41935934
you tall?

Scandinavia comfy but 3rd world when it comes to trans stuff. Plus nothing ever happens here

Is cureanon here still

>>41935987
cure hon’d out out or that was someone else trying to frame him. but idk i heard it enough times to believe it

>>41935963
taller than you. older too. but desu over 180cm it’s all the same

Thinking about microdosing

>>41936679
are you grandpa age (40<) or just in your 30's?
curious how the years will go by
>>41936700
In what way does it help?

has repping given anyone else really strange delusions to justify the whole thing?
recently i've been way too sad about the fact that i'm never going to be a mom, saw a tiktok of a kid that made me cry because i thought it was so cute

>>41936858
>in what way does it help.
I dont know maybe give me small and slow results so I can rep in peace

>>41937712
Delusions no, I'd call them copes. I get what you mean about the mom thing too, that one hits me all the time.

I think gd is made worse by the pain if being a sperg and knowing it

>>41937712
The only delusion is the idea that I could ever be a girl.

can we separate the mentalrepping babytwinkhons from the balding 6'0+ genetic permareppers, i don't get along with the former

>>41938419
Im balding and 6ft but still look like a twinkhon where do I go?

>>41938439
THE PIT OF BILLION-YEAR TORTURES

well. i think i've finally pushed away everyone
now i just need to keep the mental fortitude to stay away
it's for their benefit i can't keep letting myself hurt people

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anyone grinding manual labour?

>>41915439
>>41915689
I think that if I've learned anything from this "life" it would be that cowardice is the root of sin

>>41939501
Thats me. Except I actually kind of like my job which complicates things

>>41939579
i guess meditative work without much social bs can be okay

today i looked at myself and thought maybe i could pass and no me having a mask on and my hair down covering up both sides of my head meaning i was looking at maybe 20% of my face at most and not even at the rest of my body has nothing to do with it

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>>41915439
more is lost by indecision than wrong decision

>>41939603
My mom was a manual laboror in her 20s and liked it too, so either way

>>41935333
https://youtu.be/HJWFsZ_YUc4?si=q5GHXJe6nyhw-chd
https://youtu.be/0ZKNzs35GP8?si=UYR7IJb5pH9h7Rcr

about to turn 30 and i feel like im starting to notice myself aging

its actually over. my face is so manly, i try and trick myself i have cuteness in me but its over for real now

>>41939681
what kind? wish i could have seamstress job or some other kinda half feminine job

>>41940485
No I mean like a warehouse

I'm pretty much incapable of being sincere since I'm like this, but it still feels shitty that I basically end up being unintentionally rude and unfriendly to everyone I interact with because of that. When it's someone I think is generally a good person I always hope they just think I'm a dick and don't take it personally.

>>41940853
Me

Am I the only one that fantasize about improbable scenarios in which by almost magical means get turned into a woman and then I only have to deal with convincing everyone that I'm fine like this so I can stay as a woman and forget about the nightmare that is being a man?

>>41941027
yes, the rest of us fantasize about getting turned into a woman by entirely magical means

i wish i was an asian instead of a goblin coded anglo

>>41941027
I think it's more difficult to find someone who doesn't. I literally did that since I was 10, before I even known it was an option. It makes me think I'm not agp because I didn't know shot so I just imagined women are like Barbie dolls, without genitals. So it's probably not a sex thing.

is it possible to unknowingly rep

>>41942583
it's the only way to truly rep

>>41942583
If you rep knowingly you are just not transitioning tranny. You just call yourself reaper as cope

>>41941599
same, I'm so big and ugly

>>41943089
So to rep you have to actively not want to be trans?

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She is literally me

>>41941599
Also a goblin coded anglo who is totally pressing the "East Asian Woman" button in the next life.

>>41941599
I dont get this mindset, but my British teeth hurt like a bitch today so I can relate to that
>>41942583
Yeah I did it through high school. If modern Trans culture existed I would've trooned out at like 13

>>41943390
Yeah, I like men but only in the context of imagining I've been transformed into a woman and they're lusting for my essential feminity

>>41936858
i’m nearly 31

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I'm nearly 33. I think I would rope if I didn't try to transition in my 20s because at least now I can write off the attempt rather than always carrying the burden of the what if
I don't think it would've mattered if I transitioned sooner and I couldn't transition when passing was a realistic concept because my parents were bigoted anyway

>>41943415
>If modern Trans culture existed I would've trooned out at like 13
this is the most painful part

>>41944046
that at least offers some closure. how long did you trans for? Did you fully socially transition and then what made you stop

>>41943214
You have to not think about it. It's maybe there but you repress it and it's not on your mind. This latest untill one day you have a mental breakdown because you realise you are approaching 30 and you never let yourself be who you wanted to and now it's too late
Or something like that

>>41943765
My sexuality is that I want at least 1 woman in my relationships

>>41944086
5 years. I was out socially for 2 but I was a feminine goth guy before HRT and I was "boymoding" initially so basically presenting in a lazy way without voice training for a long time.
I didn't pass and felt overwhelming self conscious. Before I desisted I was an agoraphobic self-harming alcoholic. I'm semi-functional now.

>>41944146
If you had knowledge you have now would you put more work into it, or not do it? What would you change if anything

>>41944146
interesting thanks for sharing. i think whatever personality and physical traits that make one a repper, probably results in this outcome a lot.

>>41944165
I don't know. I was initially euphoric and I'm glad I got it out of my system. I would do it again but obviously desist before spiraling and maybe be a whore or something (basically incel at the time).
I couldn't have put more work into it except perhaps presenting trad masc prior and getting a job to save for FFS before starting. Maybe moved to somewhere that has a trans community too?

>>41937719
But wouldn't you be better off just being on AA then? I can't imagine microdosing doing much
>>41944015
Same age, kinda, yaaay
>>41944046
parents can be so evil. When i was younger they kept poking fun at my feminine interests, long hair, etc. But then when my brother now sister (they were also mean to me for the fem stuff) trooned at 31 they were suddenly all supportive.... Life's a funny game. Ever considered getting back on?

>>41944264
>sibling is trans too
holy kek

>>41944264
>they were suddenly all supportive
When I came out to mint at 15 they said that I will not be going to therapy and that's final. I wasnt even asking to transition, just to go to therapy, to do anything. When 2 years later my sister needed therapy they were in it instantly. Recently I finally went to one. They didn't understand why I was hesitant to go to one before and why "it took you so long" (I of course lied about the exact reasons for going but point still stands)

>>41944264
>But then when my brother now sister (they were also mean to me for the fem stuff) trooned at 31 they were suddenly all supportive
ohnohnohnohno the trannygene really is true isn’t it ooooof. have you talked to sis about this

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>>41944298
ikr it's funny af, i should've been quicker though because i think all the goodie points are spent om them now. tbf they had nothing going on so couldn't sink lower in my parents eyes, meanwhile i'm one of the "successful" kids where they pin their hopes up on. But god is good and kept the bullying in mind, ex bro now sis looks like an ogrehon and talks like a whispering gay kid.
>>41944318
classic lol. Unfortunate that you went through it, but glad i'm not the only one with experiences like that. Parents can be so funny, ik mine love me, but i've never felt like i could be open with them
>>41944332
troon feelings passed around like a hot potato until one finally goes for it. And hell naw i haven't, didn't like them as a brother don't like them as a sister. Very stuck up knowitall type of person, despite having nothing to show for. Always tries to one-up me and brag about little nothings. Insecure and annoying to deal with, can't take a joke and has a really short fuse.
I did though approach their transition with an open mind, and empathized with the struggle. At one point i tried giving clothing tips, where i accidentally mentioned that not all cis female clothing looks good on late transitioners bc of their bones. They exploded on me and swore bones had nothing to do with anything and that i was making shit up.
Honestly, it's like having an angry and upset warcraft addicted Chris-chan in your family. I tried, but not worth talking with, at this point i just want to stay away from them. Christmas is going to be great

>>41943089
>You just call yourself reaper as cope
Ah yes, 'Reapers.'

>>41944130
knower. once you acknowledge and it becomes a constant mental thing you obsess over and deny yourself, you’re already doomed. The only successful repper is the uncaring one, the distracted one, the blissfully unaware one.
retvrn to natvre

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>>41944789
>reapers
tag yourselves

>>41944835
>successful repper
Oxymoron. You can't be a 'successful repper' because being forced into the situation where you have to rep is a failure.

>>41944835
Or the one who becomes ideologically opposed to it and realizes it's okay to be a feminine male

>>41945195
There's a spiritual punishment for being such a miserable spiteful little freak as you, gincel.

funny to think that if something awful happened to me the vast majority of people i know would probably never find out because i never told them my real name
its okay ive left them all behind now i wont violate them with fake names and false pretenses anymore im finally taking responsibility

>>41944948
idk I've had long stretches of feeling good about myself personally and a lot of professional success. just a matter of not defining it wrt gender
>>41945195
xd

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>>41945195

>>41945195
Can you still do that when you're old and bald though?

i don’t actually disapprove that msg i just liked that pic lol
fem man is such a valid route maybe the most

Looks like im the sole provider for my home now.

If I hadn't read so much AGP erotica online from Amazon and then fictionmania and tgstorytime when I was like 11 I wouldn't have fucked up my sexuality and become dysphoric later on, we need to nuke these sites from existence to prevent others from suffering, it's a cognitohazard

>>41945749
what happened??

>>41945943
Layoffs

>be literal schizo repper
>Voices make fun of me for not transitioning

help

>>41945774
another victim

>>41946255
Yep I am a victim

>>41945774
I think the first genderbend thing I ever found was a doujin, but I already had this issue way before finding the fetish material. For me it was more like a way to justify exploring these ideas and thoughts more than an inducer of them.

>>41946334
me too ;-;

I've given myself AGP probably through porn. Any experiences on quitting porn altogether and its effects on agp? I've fapped around 4-7 times per week, usually to porn, including but not limited to trans, sissy and female pov.
I've been a week completely off porn for now.

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What will /repgen/ wish for?

>>41948740
i've honestly given this a lot of thought but i don't think i'd ever feel comfortable actually using a wish - even though i refuse to do so solely for my own gain, pretty much any wish i'd make for the betterment of people is imposing my will onto others by force
like for instance if i make a wish for world peace then that's all well and good in theory but then how are borders determined, how are resources distributed, do certain groups of people or countries or whatever get fucked over now that they can't do war?
it's a lot of responsibility and i don't think i would ever be equipped to handle it

>>41909205
Are reppers here mostly Amerikan?

>>41949022
i reckon a solid majority of posters here are american
>t. britbong

>>41948740
would be cool if I was fine being a man and had a normal self image
>>41949022
usually seems like it

>>41920019
Huh maybe I’ll try this. It already aligns with the performance nature of being a people pleaser from day 1. What’s one more performance when everyday is a performance?

>>41949022
Proud sons of Yakub.

>>41949119
same same
>>41946065
stop smoking weed

Since I was a teenager I would often fall asleep to stories I created in my head (usually they progressed slowly due to falling asleep) and they always contained a character that somehow transformed into a female and usually was shoe in for myself. Is this just a wicked batch of agp for a 6’2 gorilla?

>>41945774
Unironically online porn access is probably one of its biggest problems, along with social media. All it takes is reading the wrong thing at a formative age and all of a sudden you have a crippling fetish for being a woman.

i want the pain to stop

If I was just born in a better more god fearing time I wouldn't feel like this.

>>41950295
The only reason we feel like this is because society constantly tells us we need to troon out. Any society before this one would have just ignored it.

>>41950295
Still on the religion cope, huh?
>>41950422
There are many pre-Christian societies that would consider it a sign you were chosen to serve a god.

>>41950456
And they were all tribal savages. The only god I was chosen to serve is the god of being a man. Only a deeply sick society would try and feed my illness.

manmoding is stupid, I should've killed myself instead

6'2
size 10.5 feet US EU 44 (sometimes 45)
hairy hands
hairy feet
rope time?

>>41950772
>And they were all tribal savages
I know your bible humping parents told you that Jesus invented civilization, but it predates your desert cult by thousands of years.

>>41920019
I never thought about this cope

>>41951047
I'm not sure why it worked for him, that was my very first conception of all this bullshit when I was small and it did about jack and shit to stop it. Now being afraid Jesus hated me, that one worked throughout elementary school.

how do i comfort repressors and keep them from crying themselves to sleep every night?

>>41951377
Invent magical hrt and/or time travel.

>>41951377
just leave us to it, we don't want companionship
funneling carbon monoxide into our rooms while we sleep might also work

>>41951377
place a blanket over their cage at night

>>41951377
hit me in the head and/or tummy really really hard

>>41951016
I'm not Christian. European philosophy had the right idea about trannies. If it was good for a culture to promote trannyism, a culture which promoted trannyism would have invented the steam engine.

>>41951574
>If it was good for a culture to promote trannyism, a culture which promoted trannyism would have invented the steam engine
but. but the romans literally did

>>41951574
>I'm not Christian but those Christians and philosophers raised in a Christian background sure were right about hating me!
This is externalized self-loathing, not rationality.
>>41951600
Beat me to it.

>>41951600
No they didn't. They invented a novelty party trick that operated at pressures way too low to ever be useful. And even if it was, they would never have thought to use it because of the value they placed on menial labour (and their reliance on slavery).

>>41951608
>This is externalized self-loathing
No it's not. It's me recognising that my delusions are only caused by a sick society. If I had never learned about trans people or genderbending I'd never even think about them.

And I'm still not Christian. I'm talking about the culture of civilisation and academia.

>>41951904
The Romans had the steam engine. There's evidence that the Ancient Egyptians might've had something too, and the Persians. All before Christianity. Regardless, they didn't turn this from a novelty into a functional device not because they were idiots, but because they lacked the metallurgical knowledge to build boilers capable of sustaining enough pressure. Technology is made of many interconnected parts and is often incremental. The advances in metallurgy that brought us to the point where we could have a functional steam engine would've happened with or without Abrahamic religions.
>And I'm still not Christian. I'm talking about the culture of civilisation and academia.
Civilization predates the 'culture' built on Christianity of which you speak. You keep insisting you're not a Christian, but you also keep acting like civilization and academia only came into being in the Renaissance in Christian Europe, like all work and existence prior to them amounted to nothing. Never mind how the people of whom you speak were FAMOUS Romophiles, to the point where there was a serious revival in pre-Christian Roman and Greek thought, aesthetics, and their mythology. In every way except actual worship (and any icky behaviors contrary to the also famously stuffy moralism of their day) they sucked up to those polytheists. I'm not ignorant enough to act like the Middle Ages were a time of stagnation and ignorance, but the people you're referring to sure believed as much, and credited most of their achievements to building off of the work of those pre-Christian thinkers and civilization.
>If I never learned about them I would never think about it!
That's certainly a lie, but even if you're the .01% of people who memed yourself into wanting to be a woman without having had GD, you should be less of an idiot and stop claiming we're ALL in your shoes. I didn't know what a tranny was until 16, I already wanted to (and internally identified as) a girl by 7.

>>41952014
>but because they lacked the metallurgical knowledge
And because they didn't have centuries of gunsmithing teaching them about pressurised chambers, or advances like calculus, or an agricultural revolution freeing up workers for factories, or regions with lots of water and coal that justified the use of a steam engine (the first commercial steam engine was built literally on top of a coal mine, to pump water out of it), or the ability to share knowledge outside of small city-states, or a culture that promoted efficiency and productivity over leisure, or a reason to have lots of coal lying around in the first place.

And again, it was a low-pressure steam engine. It was basically a kettle on a bearing. They're nothing like the first real steam engines, which used the expansion of steam in alternating pressurised chambers to drive a reciprocating piston. The Roman engine simply wasn't a scalable design. It's like saying 'oh the Egyptians bred animals together, so they could have invented CRISPR.

>but you also keep acting like civilization and academia only came into being in the Renaissance in Christian Europe
Civilisation came into existence in many places, but none of those places promoted trannyism. All the cultures which did well (which included Medieval Europe, they were pretty advanced) focused on trying to advance themselves instead of worshipping useless delusions. Actual academia only really emerged once we'd moved past the tribal and classical stages. Some places never did.

>I already wanted to (and internally identified as) a girl by 7
Well I didn't. I got ROGD and AGP through too much exposure to trannies. And I dare say a lot of other people did, or we'd see a lot of trannies throughout history.

>>41952259
Wow anon, you listed a bunch of international advancements that had NOTHING to do with Christian morals about trans people. You've tricked yourself into thinking these slow developments could only happen in the context of a culture that hates you. That makes zero sense.
>None of those places promoted trannyism
Define 'promoted'. The Mesopotamians has a class of tranny priest(esses.) The oldest written work with a credited author praises the Goddess Innana for them and her ability to change people's sex.
>Focused on trying to advance themselves instead of worshiping useless delusions
The civilization based around Christianity, where all education was done via religious institutions, didn't 'worship useless delusions' like the god of the Jews? Yeah okay, anon.
>Well I didn't, muh ROGD and AGP
You're an idiot who got tricked into supporting Blanchardism, I don't think you're even a reliable source on your own experience when you can only talk through references to outdated studies.

>>41951574
Europeans invented the steam engine because we're genetically prone to going on adventures and inventing stuff, not because of any ideology or philosophy.
Also proto-trannies were prevalent enough to be present in the historical record of several Indo-European cultures.

>>41952502
It's unreal the number of people who claim they're "totally not Christian" but then pin all of Europe's success on Christianity, as if a polytheistic Europe would be in mudhuts. Some 'atheists' are really just whiny Christians at heart.

>>41952381
>you listed a bunch of international advancements that had NOTHING to do with Christian morals about trans people
Well yeah I was just telling you why the Romans couldn't invent the steam engine. I get really passionate about it.

But anyway, all of these advances came from cultures focused on science and engineering and knowledge, not magical thinking like trannyism. Trannyism is the stagnation of civilisation and if you let it take over, it'll be the stagnation of you.

Any culture that allows trannies is more interested in art and culture than cold, hard progress. They don't consider the fact it only makes a tranny's life worse. They just care about the beautiful artistic sensibilities of it, or some shit.

>The Mesopotamians has a class of tranny priest(esses.)
And they didn't advance very far.

>You're an idiot who got tricked into supporting Blanchardism
This is 4tran. We're all Blanchardianists. He's the only one who offers an actual explanation for our illness instead of meaningless affirmations.

>high school level religion discussion
reppers are man children

>>41952715
>Cultures focused on science and engineering and knowledge
They came from people trying to farm or kill each other better, something every culture north of the Sahara invested itself in.
>No magical thinking like trannyism
I'm sorry, are you just going to fucking ignore that you're talking about Europe, where the Catholic church had a stranglehold on education for a thousand years? Magical thinking was literally the foundation of their authority and way of life.
>Any culture that allows trannies is more interested in art and culture...
For one, the Renaissance is known not just for technological development, but for artistic and cultural revolutions. Downplaying them as irrelevant or unconnected to intellectualism is extremely ignorant. For two, there has literally never been a culture that only cares about art and not 'engineering and knowledge.' You base this belief on nothing, you can't point to some culture that 'allowed trannyism and only cared about art and shit' in history.
>And they didn't advance very far.
They ruled their region until being conquered by pre-Islamic Persia. Not because Persians were frothing about trannies, either. "Why didn't the Mesopotamians have jet planes? They were so primitive!" is the kind of idiot argument this leads to.
>We're all Blanchardists
Don't put me in the retard box with you. Blanchard is a hack, the reason he's popular is because it lets you shit on other people and say stupid shit for laughs. Then sadly you end up with people like you who take it deathly seriously.

Like I know that like any repper everything you're saying is fueled by feelings and not logic, just a miserable pile of copes, but holy shit, you've made yourself think some truly retarded things.

>>41952771
no surely we will make real points on religion here on fourchan dot org

>>41952803
It's really more about finding the claims he made really annoying.

>>41952771
I mean self-actualization is kinda off the table for us so what do you expect

>>41952830
I expect you to dedicate yourself to the pursuit of enlightenment and knowledge.

I hate living with my parents I hate living with my parents I hate living with my parents

>>41952872
why?

>>41952779
>They came from people trying to farm or kill each other better
Which every culture did, but only a few advanced technologically. Others placed value in strength and heroism, which is good during the Bronze Age but not so much when the other guy invents the machine gun.

>Magical thinking was literally the foundation of their authority
But the actual day-to-day life of the peasants was surprisingly practical. They were skilled workers and they were able to solve incredibly complex problems.

>there has literally never been a culture that only cares about art and not 'engineering and knowledge.'
There has, and it's called 'every civilisation that didn't participate in the Industrial Revolution.' All the cultures that focused more on feelings and spirits over cold hard facts stagnated and fell behind.

>Blanchard is a hack
So who should I be listening to, then? Because all modern tranny science seems to be very 'we conducted a study and found that 100% of trans people are heckin valid!!!'

>everything you're saying is fueled by feelings and not logic
What I'm saying is fuelled by a desire to be rid of this disgusting pervy fetish that plagues my life.

>>41952928
>but only a few advanced technologically
Literally every culture in Eurasia we have record of advanced technologically. Some faster than others, but never has it been static.
>But the actual day-to-day life of the peasants was surprisingly practical. They were skilled workers and they were able to solve incredibly complex problems.
Not exclusive to Christian Europe.
>There has, and it's called 'every civilisation that didn't participate in the Industrial Revolution.'
Being the first to industrialize doesn't mean nobody else cared about advancing or hadn't been advancing. It simply means that the conditions for the industrialization were there first. If you transplanted the 17th century British to the middle of the Amazon, they're not going to be the first people to industrialize anymore even if they refound their civilization. The material conditions just wouldn't be there anymore.
>So who should I be listening to, then?
Research that's been done in the last two decades, ideally.
>But all modern science doesn't agree with him!
Well I guess he was wrong then. For someone who claims to care about science and advancement so much, you sure are quick to reject it when it violates your feelings.
>What I'm saying is fuelled by a desire to be rid of this disgusting pervy fetish that plagues my life.
Well that sucks because it's not a fetish and it doesn't fucking go away. Sitting here and arguing with me while posting stupid takes about religion and history is damn sure not going to help you at all either, since it's like picking at a wound. You keep engaging with your GD.

>>41952909
Because through knowledge you are liberated from all suffering (moksha)

>>41933562
>YWNB a hot AFAB that can just call themselves whatever they want and it wont be seen as creepy or disgusting

>>41951377
give me my life back

>>41952889
yo at least you're young. you'll make it out of there and stop repping.

>>41953465
>at least you're young
I'm almost 30.

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>>41953465
>>41953478

>>41943390
based
fuck 3DPD (men and women)

>>41953515
please don't laugh at me

i want to break free

>>41952988
or I could just drink until I die and reincarnate as a woman

please fucking kill me

>>41953995
man up

>>41954183
thx babe it passed and i'll be starting hrt real soon

>>41949119
>>41949166
It's an Anglo world we live in
>>41949409
Wonderful
>>41951377
I don't like showing such emotions, so simply don't cry.
>>41951904
> If I had never learned about trans people or genderbending I'd never even think about them
You never had feminine interests as a kid, or felt out of place during male activities?
I think you have a too simple idea of yourself

>>41955281
>You never had feminine interests as a kid
I just had interests. I didn't care if they were girly or not. I didn't like team sports but that was because I was an awkward loser nerd and everyone else always took them way too seriously.

>>41955303
let me rephrase it then; Did you have interests that were deemed feminine by society around you?
Like back in the yong grades, i liked playing somee shitty computer game called "My Little Pony: Friendship Gardens", which i didn't think of as for girls at first, but later kept a secret when i found out how other people viewed it.
>I didn't like team sports but that was because I was an awkward loser nerd and everyone else always took them way too seriously.
haha, relatable. Seems like a common childhood for tranners and reppers.

Got any plans for today?

>>41952982
>Literally every culture in Eurasia we have record of advanced technologically
Well they obviously weren't the ones who accepted trannyism. Or they were the ones who did, and so were heavily slowed down by it. All the cultures with third genders and transition fell under the boot of the major European empires.

>Not exclusive to Christian Europe
Of course not. It's exclusive to cultures that have a rational approach to problem-solving.

>The material conditions just wouldn't be there anymore
Obviously not, but you're downplaying the role of culture in this as well. A Brit in the middle of the Amazon couldn't invent the steam engine, but a Native American in Manchester would be equally stumped because his culture doesn't lend itself to engineering.

>Well I guess he was wrong then
The point is that current 'research' hasn't actually produced anything material. It's fallen into the same magical thinking that plagued its predecessors. None of them actually try and cure trannyism or question the treatment, they just fall into the thing that sounds most progressive. Have any of them provided any actual explanation for dysphoria?

>Well that sucks because it's not a fetish and it doesn't fucking go away
It fucking is a fetish. The entire thing was driven by weird porn and genderbend comics. If I'd never had this happen, and then been told 'actually you're totally valid!!!' then this would never be plaguing me. It'll go away, same as any other weird kink.

>>41955366
Not a clue. I didn't really care. I just did what I wanted. I'm sure I could cherrypick feminine or masculine examples all day long. I'm not sure that is a good metric anyway, considering this place has a whole board dedicated to very cis men who love MLP.

>Seems like a common childhood for tranners and reppers
Except in my case it wasn't. It was just because I was an unathletic loser and I liked hanging out with other unathletic losers. I enjoyed playing it casually when all the competitive ones had gone.

>Got any plans for today?
Gonna do some uni work and then probably play some video games. I might go out later and see some friends too.

What are you doing today?

>>41955423
Fair enough, i was just curious because i think that tranner feelings can exist or be present even without knowing transitioning and genderbending stuff exists.
Maybe a pony game was a bad example, i just liked it because it was colourful and cute.

>Except in my case it wasn't
What you say still sounds very common among reppers and tranners i've met lol

>Gonna do some uni work and then probably play some video games.
Fun. I should've handed in my master's today but didn't finish it ;_; so i'll probably just read a bit today. Then clean my room for a bit and idk what more. Have considered playing runescape again, but dunno if i will.
What will you be playing?

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>>41951377
Portal to the prison school.

>>41955380
>Well they obviously weren't the ones who accepted trannyism. Or they were the ones who did, and so were heavily slowed down by it. All the cultures with third genders and transition fell under the boot of the major European empires.
Alright, let me stop playing by your rules: fucking prove it. Prove this claim, I'm not even going to entertain your copes anymore unless you stop treating this seething like a fact, or bust out some actual proof. Not "Oh but Europe Industrialized!" no, the idea that societies were explicitly slowed down by trannies. Don't treat me like an idiot and cite some Native American two-spirit stuff either, because tribes that had that were just as advanced as tribes that didn't. You can't use Native Americans to prove an argument about Eurasian cultures.

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Idk transition seems like such a joke. Like do I think a man can actually be a woman? And it would relegate me to being one of the weirdos that nobody likes and everyone stays away from, and nobody is into an estrogenized man. I can be a man and be handsome and successful and have a beautiful life, relationships, and family, and if I transitioned I would be a freakshow.

Thinking about going for it with pills and bica even though I'm a 6'3 gorillahon coded freak and I'm 28
Part of me wonders if I wouldn't feel this way if I had a functioning social group and a relationship but I'm socially isolated and only have friends through Final Fantasy 14.
I've lied to people online about being a woman since I was 10 though so surely this breaking point feels real
Why should I care if I'll never pass if I can get ffs and feel better about myself even though I'll still be an ugly freak and a right wing charicature of what a silverback tranny looks like
I should've done this when I was 19 and my parents convinced me not to because they said they wouldn't support it and I was too afraid to be totally alone and kicked out

>>41957403
The negatives of HRT are you will grow breasts and might feel uncomfortable with your body as a result. If you aren't already uncomfortable with your body you aren't trans
Ofc you basically can never be intimate with anyone again too though

>>41957517
I don't consider breasts a negative and I'm already uncomfortable with my body, yeah. I hate everything masculine about it.
The intimate thing isn't an issue I guess because I've never been intimate with anyone before because my body is gross and I don't want to show it to anyone

>>41953173
>>41933562
She is literally just doing a second rate version of what like twink men and david bowie/iggy pop types have been doing forever. They are visionaries and exceptional. Women are only ever regular. I dont know why amabs would have dysphoria. The world and greatness is made for you :(

>>41957403
hi hi, you're near my age and i consider getting on it in the start of next year. Maybe wanna talk progress if the step does get taken?

>>41953515
Hes so sexy. I dont know who he is. I hope hes not well known for being evil

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>tfw 32 year old NEET hikki with sunphobia (The sun causes skin aging and I don't want to age as a man)

If my parents didn't take care of me I'd be homeless

>>41958010
what if i just want to be regular and i'm not good enough at my eating disorder at the moment to be a twink that has "greatness"

>>41958024
Sure, I'm fine with that. How old are you? And I guess we can talk over discord?

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i deleted the ai chatbot i used for tgtf self insert stories

>>41958123
I'm 30 in 21 days. Can't promise with certainty i'll get on it though, but considering
>Discord
femrepper

All fresh acc

I've never been in love

>>41958175
I will make a note to add you when I get home! Are you similar in your body as well or did other things prevent you from transitioning?

feeling extra suicidal today for some reason
typed up a whole diary post but nobody gives a shit lol
it is kinda interesting the degree to which people are doing science on the best way to hang yourself on the suicide forums. surely at some point you just do it because it's good enough rather than just doing diagrams and shit
anyway probably not a good sign that the only way i can get myself to calm down at this point is actively planning this but c'est la vie

>>41958261
6'1, used to be twink early to mid 20's but fell off and got lazy (esp during corona). Minor breakdown that made me shave my head. Now feeling sorta better and want to change it.

What prevented me is probably mostly myself, either not wanting to accept it or refusing to. When i was younger i acted really feminine, which i felt wasn't all that appreciated in my family, so figure that added to repping. Hard to explain desu

>>41958435
I would think if you were a twink you should still be able to pass well? It beats have a gorilla body with a barrel chest like me I'm sure. I feel that though, as many excuses as I've made ultimately I kept myself from doing this even though I wanted to do it for years. All I need to do now is find a good place to order HRT from online and start DIYing because I live in a shithole southern state in the US and can't get on it via a doctor.

>>41958516
I'm just stupid, i will admit. I had no luck with height, barely have any bodyhair and didn't need to shave until i was 21 or so. Think that was the copium i huff, to think everything will always be fine.

can you not move state in the future? DiY still seems best, from what i've read

>>41958788
I probably can. I've been socially isolated for years bc of how horrible I feel about myself that I'm only here because of family that will hate me if I take hrt anyway

I huffed that copium too, kinda. I just tolr people online I was a woman, never got on mic and never did anything shady as to make them think I was catfishing, so I got treated like a woman mostly and I was fine with that, but it was a really sad way to live because I would eventually ghost friends in fear they would eventually realize I was a man.
I was really hairless too but now that chest hair is coming in and I have to shave often it makes it unbearable for me. I hate how by body is masculinzing even more. I just want to be a woman.

i want to feel comforted

>>41959091
The allure of being the little spoon.

dubs and i make some food to eat
(im 7 days clean cmon please)

>>41959207
thank fuck

>>41958976
> I just tolr people online I was a woman, never got on mic
Sounds nice, i never managed to do that.

Sounds like you're pretty set on it, happy for you. Just don't tell them you're on it, hopefully your can hide it during family events.

I realized that one thing holding me back, is probably the idea that i want kids of my own. But now counting down to 30, still not having had a normal longterm relationship, i'm slowly giving up on it.
Life is such a bother sometimes, with so many things pulling in different directions. I wish i had the single minded determination of those who start asap, i respect it and wish i was the same. That's also one of the reasons why i can't hate on them or envy them, even if they were lucky with genetics, family, etc. It's still them who made their life what it is now.

>>41959449
>i want kids of my own. But now counting down to 30, still not having had a normal longterm relationship, i'm slowly giving up on it.
nta but I was in the situation, but I had always wanted to be the mom instead and settling for being a dad felt like a cope so I completely gave up.

>>41959505
I never really thought about the parent gender much, more just raising kids. To be fair, i might be a little messed up in that regard because my father was a (to put it kindly) very stressed man during my childhood, something that luckily has become much better. But to a degree i still think i viewed myself as the masculine partner, mostly because i idealized my grandfather and wanted kids to be like him to them.

Ik many tranners still get kids, and raise them as the gender they decided on. But idk if i want to do through the whole freeze your sperm, then maybe one day have a kid that thinks you're their mom but actually you're their bio dad rigamarole. Life's a fuck

>>41958048
this but homeless

i just want to wake up in a hospital to find out i was a woman all along, and that my entire life until then was a coma dream

>>41960460
I had some temporary memory loss because of a brain infection and I was honestly a lot happier only remembering life as a tranny/woman

ive been trying to microdose blunt force trauma to the head to cure the condition but to no avail
all i got was weirdly dilated pupils :(

we r millions n millions
weer comin to getcha
were protectid by unions
so don leddit upsetcha
cant escape de conclusion
'tis problably gods will
dat civileyezation
will grind to a standstill

>>41960460
Anon I have literally cried myself to sleep praying this one would happen.

Think I am at the point where I want to take a leap and do something I think about a lot rather than doing nothing because I don't want to take a risk. I think it helps that I am very bored and just want to have something interesting happen. Starting at 30 isn't great but don't have much of a reason not to desu .Will maybe order stuff tomorrow.

>>41960987
Want to join the other anon and i with the new year new life idea? Might just be honing out, but art least it's trying something new

>>41961017
sounds good

>>41961067
>>41958175
discord, in case you wanna chat. The other person should add me when they're back, least they told me so.

How old are u?

>>41961103
30

>>41961108
yaay, same age as me. I figure you'd Amerikan?

>he thinks hrt repping is a baby step towards transition
lol
lmao even

>>41961547
ywnbar

>>41956632
this cyoa is so reppercore

>>41961656
you will always be a cute woman on the inside

>>41961547
Is for me. If it goes well by some miracle, bam.
>>41961671
That's not Royal Revival or A Horrible Curse.

>>41961674
thanks fakerepper anon, I'd like to think so

next >>41962144

>>41961678
Witch Awakening >>>

>>41962095
I'm not a fake repper, i'm certified. You have a feminine soul, maybe not expressed irl but it's inside of you

>>41962184
I like Witch Awakening but it's got very little to do with being a repper. You turn into a girl by default sure, but no real weight is put on you being a girl. Royal Revival basically opens with this girl saying "You are the reincarnation of my sister, please drink this potion and become my sister again," and A Horrible Curse is about some cosmic entity turning you into a girl and giving you a bunch of free shit because she's retarded and thinks you don't want it.

>>41960698
please don't hurt yourself nona

>>41962345
ive been doing it since i was a kid, absolutely a moidbrained way of sh as opposed to like cutting or starving or whatever but i dont care at this point
ironically i was more retarded as a kid than i am now

>>41962404
:(

>>41962338
yeah that's fair I guess, I just think it has cozy underlying gender bender vibes (also I just replayed it more recently desu)

>>41962433
lets be honest im brain damaged anyway cause i was born a sperg and got raped as a kid so now i wanna be a tranny too so like a bit of blunt force head trauma isnt doing much but adding flavour to the mix yknow

I need to stop looking at social media and seeing trans girls who are happy

i want to be a girl i can't take it anymore

>>41958010
I was a twink but testosterone/aging took it from me and my life has steadily gone downhill from there