>>42327095
I cant help either but im also very much in the same situation rn.

Am 3 mo hrt rn after more than half a decade of repping. And i was so fucking certain i was doing the right thing ~1 mo in and now im super unsure all the time again :c.

i hate it.

>>42327095
uncertainty is part of life
i'm 'faketrans' (according to this board) and i'm still unsure about things. i take hrt because i want to. that's reason enough
>how do i have opinions abut how i feel
what is this neurotic shit? just live, lol
comparison and self-doubt are the enemies of joy

>>42327965
Not op, but I genuinely really struggle with not being neurotic about anything and everything. It feels almost impossible to actually trust myself. I think I probably do like the effects of hormones, but I still can't help but fear the possibility that I actually don't deeper down, and I'm only gaslighting myself into liking them

>>42327990
Yeah i do the same (also not op).

If i feel good about the effects of E i doubt if i *actually* do or if deep down im actually scared or dont care or if i just feel like i should like them but actually dont (whatever that means).

If i feel bad about the effects of E i doubt if i *actually* feel bad or if im just scared of making such a big change in my life or if its just because im not used to it yet (this is mostly about breast growth desu tho, everything else just seems like an improvement).

Repeat ad nauseam.

>>42327990
>but I still can't help but fear the possibility that I actually don't deeper down, and I'm only gaslighting myself into liking them
Sorry to hear that nona :(
I guess the reason I don't suffer from this is because I already failed at everything as a man. Hit the absolute rock bottom. So there was no way to go but up.

>>42327095
the difficulty for me is that ive always felt ugly, since i was a kid, and this feeling has followed me all until now, getting worse and worse. i cannot convince myself that im really trans, but i need to believe i am so that i can transform my appearance, so that i have hope i can stop being ugly, because if i stay a man, im only going to get uglier, more monstrous, im so tired of being trapped here, i lost my entire youth to self hatred

>>42327095
You’re just a retard being influenced by satanic demons and communist pedophile rapehon culture

>>42327095
I dealt with that uncertainty by distracting myself and forcing myself to see it as unimportant.

So... Just do it. If it works it's no big deal, if it doesn't it's no big deal.

Nothing is a big deal.

>>42328047
>Hit the absolute rock bottom. So there was no way to go but up.
Same, except it's any up is actually inconceivable for me. It really feels like I should just accept that I'm just a man, as I will never feel any better than I already do, which is already horrible, but it can always get worse. I want transition to be the right path to not feeling this way anymore, but I can't help but worry that it just won't

>>42328136
>except it's any up is actually inconceivable for me
Learn to conceive it. I'm not joking.
I started to write things down. Small things like:
- i finally wake up calm
- oh look, skin is better
- today i was slightly less afraid to talk to people
etc.
Fake it till you make it works. Now I laugh at how fearful I was in 2017.

>>42328157
That's actually what I'm desperately trying, but I can't stop myself from double guessing everything and constantly worrying "what if I actually hate this deep down? what if I'll come to regret it all? what if I won't feel any better, or even worse? what if I'm actually making myself dysphoric for no reason?". It's quite exhausting

>>42328201
>what if I'll come to regret it all?
unironically the answer to that is "we'll cross that bridge if or when we get to it"
I was unsure about stuff almost 3 years into it. But slowly, one by one, I killed the brainworms with "so what?", "we'll see what happens" and "who cares?". I realize it sounds cliche but it works more often than not.

>>42328217
It is pretty cliche advice, but you're right. I'm currently being needlessly neurotic, but it's extremely difficult to not be for me. Especially because I *want* this to be the right path, as I can't help but feel that being a man is akin to a death sentence

>>42328229
>I *want* this to be the right path, as I can't help but feel that being a man is akin to a death sentence
Fake it till you make it.
It works. It works with everything, not just tranny stuff. The only variable is how long it takes. Took me 3 yrs to accept that transitioning is a good idea and another year and a half to start loving my feminine identity. Now I'm starting to love my fake meme job because the benefits are great.
Neuroplasticity is real. Feed your brain worms, it will cough out brainwormed thoughts. Feed it useful stuff, it will cough out useful stuff.
Just take it slow. Don't feed your brain delusional stuff. You're not (and likely won't be) a 9/10 model indistinguishable from a cisf. But you can be a 6/10 average woman with a better life than now. Be realistic and strategic about it.
Sounds cold, but it works.

>>42328157
Are you by any chance the nona who posted this thread >>42222223?

>>42328529
uh oh. Got clocked.
Yes, I am "incel nona" (as a lovely anon here nicknamed me).

>>42328553
I'm the anon you talked with yesterday in this thread >>42318414. That's the only reason I was able to tell it's you. Wouldn't call you "incel nona" though

>>42328570
>Wouldn't call you "incel nona" though
That's okay. I actually found the nickname quite endearing even though I'm no longer an incel.
After all it is a way to distinguish given that most former incels lurking this board are ashamed of their past or w/e whereas I'm not.
I'm still serious about the fake it till you make it though.

>>42328577
>I'm still serious about the fake it till you make it though.
I do believe that you're completely right about this, but I find the notion of having to fake it really disturbing.
To me, faking it till I make it in terms of transitioning implies that I'm actually a cis man deep down, and I've just decided to try and become a woman for no discernable reason. It's the thought that I actually am a cis man that's disturbing