Am I lying to myself? I've always said that I've never been lonely and that I never get lonely, I've always stood by that, but recently I've made new friends and I'm always anticipating a text back from them, does that make me a lonely person?

The conversation has gotten to a point where I can't think of what to say. I've already used all of the classics up to this point:
>Seen any good movies lately?
>Read any good books lately?
>How's work been?
>How's life been?
etc.

I'm thinking of asking them if they believe in bigfoot, that's something random that could re-ignite the conversation.

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>/lit/ meetup
>they're all brown

>>23521111
checked

>>23521111
>/lit/ meetup
Please tell me this isn't real.

>>23521042

what happened to that hindu larper that created these threads? i liked that he was just a religion lore nerd instead of the other insufferable christfags and rene gaynons on this board

>>23521042
hey what happened to the londonfrog poster from 2018/19? or was that on /fit/?

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>>23521111
This takes me back.

>>23521156
It's from HWNDU:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_p4h3jwJob0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vw9zyxm860Q

>>23521156
newfag spotted

What's the point of fornication if you go to hell for it?

I keep trying to come up with strategies to improve myself that can be encapsulated in a simple phrase:

Right now I have two:
* Smile more.
* Put yourself in uncomfortable social situations.

The first is supposed to improve my mood.
The second is supposed to help me deal with approach anxiety and social rejection.

>>23521271
For me a big one was something like "never take the spiteful option, there's always more to the situation and you'll always regret it later."

Isn't it awkward when you meet a guy who is self proclaimed leftist and then you find out he's a mid Clinton/Biden supporter.
Super awkward.
I guess rainbow colored bombs spread diversity.

>>23521282
That sounds like a good one.
I'm too sensitive.
I feel immediately slighted if others do something I don't like, even if that wasn't their intention.

I need to handle with my boss this coming week and I need to remember to go there with a smile and not immediately accuse him of trying to fuck me over.

I once helped organize a /lit/ meetup in my city and I ended up not going lmao

Loud Christians tend to be awful people.
Most of them still have this Old Testament mentality of them being the chosen tribe and God being on their side against everyone they don't like.

>>23521301
So, fundamentalist evangelicals.

>>23521297
This, but it was an orgie for furries at the local uni.

BTW my uni had both a polygamy student group and a furry student group.
What's funny is that it was a technical college with like 85% male student body. I can just imagine...

>>23521305
No, I mean, even mainline Protestants and Catholics, even the ones with bland PC flavors. It's not their beliefs. It's their mentality of self-righteousness.
If they end up in a conflict with someone, they have no self reflection. They are obviously the victim, but they will be victorious, because God is on their side.

>>23521301
I mean, that's mostly every loud member of all religions, no?
But I agree

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The women of the island keep secrets. They don't speak a lot, and in their silence there are stories, tales long forgotten, soft words spoken to the inside of their thighs, to the warmth of their neck. They do not speak, but they remember.

Isn't it sad that the man and woman within a couple are typically not on equal terms when it comes their mutual attraction?

The man typically falls in love much faster. The man typically has less options, has to put in most of the effort and have to basically play at a disadvantage trying to woo the woman.

The woman, on the other hand, typically has more suitors than she knows what to do with, has to only be careful to choose the right one, and will be more cautious going forward than the man is.

The only time a woman will fall in love with a guy faster than him, is when she is dating someone out of her league.

IDK to me it seems as though only the very pretty people of this world can be truly content. Everyone else is sort of fucked. The more average woman will have to either content herself with somebody who is mid (according to her expectations) or be with somebody out of her league who very likely won't be loyal to her. The man, if he bags an attractive wife, will have to live with the knowledge that she probably does not find him as sexy as he finds her. Or he can settle for somebody he doesn't find that attractive, but who will be more eager to be with him.

Either way, shit's fucked.

>2024
>gf dumped me
>grandpa died
>father wont talk to me
>brother wont talk to me
>friends all moved away
>unemployed
>disc prolapse, limited mobility
>no money
>my hair is 90% gone
>gained 10 kilos
life is completely in the shitter bros, my body is in shambles
my heart is completely closed like it's tightly wrapped in clingfilm and forced to suffocate itself to death

>>23521490
Or you marry a hot girl, but she only married you cause she is not very visual and not very into physical intimacy, and never wants to touch your pp.

>>23521499

>only had a gf for a couple of days one time
>only one grandparent left and she's demented
>father talks to me but cannot hide disappointment in my lack of success in life
>brother talks to me but is only focused on his own shit
>no friends since a long time
>employed but soon to be unemployed cause I am basically a slave
>also disc prolapse
>also no money
>also bald
>also gaining weight

Brother I feel you, so much.
But at least we haven't given up, yet, right?
We still going.

>>23521319
The smarmy PC Christians are the worst. My church is going that route. It's horrible.

>>23521519
>Smarmy Christians.
Is there a different kind?

>>23521058
>The conversation has gotten to a point where I can't think of what to say
Dating app? I have a ton of weird random questions I use to reignite the conversation if it starts to die. It's best if it's something you can use to then direct the conversation back to a mutual interest. So for example, if someone is a "foodie," I like to ask "if you could travel to any point in space and time to eat a meal, where would you go and what would it be?" Your bigfoot idea could work great for someone who is into hiking. Media related questions are often a dead end unless you are asking the rare person who is legitimately obsessed and knowledgeable. Otherwise there's not a ton to talk about.

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>>23521515
tell me we're gonna make it someday soon bro

>>23521058
I like to random tell them about some random crazy encounter I just had. Sometimes real, often embellished.

>>23521551
We got no options left, but to fight another day.
But I think at this point, it's worth it to take some risks and be bold.

>>23521548
>Dating app?
No, it is a chick though.
>>23521552
Unfortunately for me my life is worse than boring.

Been 3 years and I still miss her, and she never loved me.
But in my defense it's because I did not have any girl before her and never since either.

Do you not remember everything and have to cancel notion of it by emitting an opposing resonance of thought simply to pretend that you're not thinking about the thing you've "forgotten" or am i not getting the picture here, because it's all right here in front of me, just it's under the atlasian shelf of my own cognition, my amygdala's fearbox of representations within the representation, the tiny model universe in which it pretends to exist, i get he's trying to help and is important but it makes me crazy thinking that it doesn't exist because i've simply "forgotten it", when instead it's right in front of me but my own brain has gaslit me into pretending it's not there for the convenience of thinking about things which are *not that thing*
let's say for instance, the fan i have on in my room. the other room even. not the one in my computer, that one's too loud to even truly "forget", or "ignore"

Anyone else here seen Don Jon?

Seems normies tend to not put effort into anything at all. I've heard some false rumors heading around and I've made it a thing to stop really hanging with some of the dudes who in turn are mad at me because I exposed them.

The two voices (of a dumb cunt):

The more you cultivate your imagination, as a person that has a hard time seeing the point, the more you spend in it instead of getting on with the bullshit of life. I can't help but think that this is just swapping one bullshit for another, but then again, if there is no point, everything is bullshit. So you might as well indulge in the bullshit you prefer. Still, I hope that this is just a symptom of being in the middle of cultivating that imagination and that further along that path comes a new intersection with acting in the world that can make being feel worth while. Unfortunately this hoping isn't helping me get on with it and may not before my stasis ends any it to get on with.

Trust the process dipshit. It's all you've got.

I have recently started seeing German women dressed in Muslim garb and I cannot help but think, how fucking deeply they must love this Muslim boy, to ditch all their freedom and everything and become ostracized from society just to be with him.

Fuck I want that kind of love.

What's the place to go to meet straight edge people who aren't religious?

>>23521841
Over at the water bar where people chew on carrots and celery sticks.

I'm pretty sure I have borderline personality disorder. I'm pretty sure that's what Aileen Wuornos had too.
It's like there are a few reactions to being found out committing some terrible crime. The psychopath sits there nonchalant, smiles like they're at the library. The sociopath didn't do anything wrong and plays the victim. The borderline puts their face right up to the camera and tells everyone that they hope the whole world gets nuked.
I don't know how to break out of that constant feeling like I need to strike back, like I need to get some last laugh or some bullshit. I feel like I can't. Well then what else? I just need to be put out of my misery, run at some armed police shouting. There's like this part of my brain that can function in society and be nice, and then there's this gremlin constantly watching everyone and waiting for people to give them a reason to fuck everything up. I have no idea how to change. Hopefully it fades with time, but it'll probably just get worse. Oh well.

>>23521948
blud i ain readin allat :skull:

>>23521948
you are not special. Good portion of /lit/ are bpd women

>>23521913
Sounds fun, desu.
I drink beer socially, but I HATE getting drunk and I hate people forcing me to drink more than two beers.

>>23522021
Okay, okay, wait, let me dig it up.
>Fuck you. Do you like your bones on the inside? Do you like not watching your little pet dog or cat not get gutted whilst I ram its entrails up your gasping nostrils?
Or something like that.

Anyone else feel like all the white people left in this country are white trash now? They’re everywhere and you can’t get away from them.

I blame country music.

I did it again.. succumbed to alcohol in order to defeat boredom

I'm gonna... le sleep

Isn't it crazy that in 2024 it has become almost taboo for a guy to hit on a girl irl?
Like, literally how the fuck did we come to this point?

really makes you think

>>23522099
I'm the same.
I like getting in that 3 beer zone. No more than that cause I know what happens after that. Hangovers and all that mess.

>>23522199
only if you're unattractive. if there's anything that modernity as good at, it is exterminating proximity bias

>>23522206
Not true.
When was the last time you saw an attractive guy hitting on a girl in public? For me it was a decade or so ago.

No, these days, you need to build a very sturdy pretense to even talk to a girl. Because God forbid you found her attractive and might want to get to know her. Only weirdos would do that.

I'm kinda tempted to download the apps even though I know it's a shitty game to play as a guy.

But what's stopping me is that if I met a girl from the apps and I liked her, I would always think of the way we met. Why was she on there? How many have she already tried it with before me? How little effort does she need to get back on there and find another one?

Because girls get 1000s matches almost guaranteed.

>>23522235
That's why you snuff those out on the first date.
Was she on it to hoe around or is she there to meet some guy and leave the platform forever.
I've met a few girls who hated being on there, but it's the only way to really date these days.
Pick the right app, Tinder tends to be for hoes while other ones are less so. Bumble is good because a true hoe often times don't even want to put in the effort to message first.

I'm not even a puritan about it, I don't expect some pure virgin, but someone who goes around cruising for cock is not worth spending your time with.

can you guys read my manuscript and tell me what you think
https://files.catbox.moe/vh1p6u.pdf

>>23522249
Don't click this gave me a virus and filed my screen with Brazilian ass olympics videos

I'm obsessed over THAT dance scene on the second Ivan the Terrible movie.

>>23521841
Straight edge hardcore punk shows

Previous project is slowing down so now I'm half in the office and half on the project.
I think this has given me even more opportunity to slack off since they will be thinking I'm either doing work for the office or for the project.
I keep winning.

How does one recognize bad writing? What makes something purple and the other masterly writing?

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I'm not getting a job.

I just read Philemon on the recommendation of yesterday's sermon. Anyone interested in my impressions?

>>23521948
>reposting after fixing some bad editing typos
The melodramatic, hair-trigger, and spiteful aspects of BPD are intertwined and at least partly come from having a too small view of the world. If the world is a small place and your life is simply a shitty thing in it, it's easy to overrate the "size" of your running feud with your mom or partner or whatever.

I think BPD and some related disorders would fade considerably if religion were still a major part of people's lives, but I mean the sort of day to day religiosity that was itself interwoven with community and family. The reason for this is partly that it would give you a worldview with larger reference points, beyond your local petty psychodrama(s), and partly that you would see those reference points being referred to by others, people living out their own lives in a more complex, overlapping tapestry. You wouldn't be trapped in an endless bitterness cycle with some fucking person you had a bad relationship with 9 years ago. Basically if you sincerely believe in Jesus, and the sincerity of your belief is daily strengthened by seeing others do good things from their own sincere belief in Jesus, it's easier not to get what I call BPD tunnel vision. And when you do you're more likely to get jarred out of it.

Doesn't have to be Jesus. Just using it as an example.

Another version of this cure for BPD that mostly works for highly autistic men is obsessive puritanical morality as part of a larger gnostic quest. It's like a main-line version of the above but it only works if the quest is genuine. Basically, any time you want to lash out and "get into it" with your codependent equally mentally ill spouse or family member or whatever, your mind says "But I literally actually believe this is bad karma and I'm damaging my ability to build a Dzogchen rainbow body if I act on these emotions / This isn't what Plotinus would have wanted, this is contra-indicated by my teleological rational psychology / etc.", and you aren't LARPing, you actually see it as bad to get "sucked into" your own BPD in the same way you see lapsing and doing crack cocaine as bad, then you can build a reference point INSIDE yourself that is always "there" whenever you go to have a retarded episode. Unfortunately this method is also dangerous because a lot of cluster B sufferers have comorbid grandiose/narcissistic or psychopathic tendencies and they can miss the genuine moral aspects of the quest and replace them with some kind of vulgar Nietzschean vitalism, in which case their BPD is worsened and they usually go schizo later.

>>23522322
Yes

>>23522330
>>23522330
I think some you both are overthinking this and what you need is consistant giant bear hugs from some, large and authorative father figure with a stern voice not asking but telling wtf you can and can not do and handing you damn cup of tea with tired but caring look.

>>23522330
The message seems clear enough: as both of you are members of the church, I see the potential to turn you from bitter enemies into brothers in the faith, and as such to become a united force for the good of all involved through the mighty power of forgiveness and reconciliation. It's a potent message, although I don't know how the situation ended. The letter-writer makes the offer to pay back any amount of debt owed by the slave to his master in order to make good the promise, and reminds the master of their own spiritual subservience to the messiah. "I see the potential in both of you to become far more together than you ever were apart" says this letter. "Please put your differences aside and grow together as members of the church. Once I have been released from my current obligations I would see myself in your care for a time to see how it all shook out. We are very interested in this situation."

As a metaphor for my current situation, things get..... murkier.

alright bedtime everyone

>>23522295
robert graves said to tell the good from the bad is the same as telling good fish from bad, surely from the smell, use your nose

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I literally do nothing to help myself unless I'm coerced by my circumstances. I would be perfect for either homelessness or the military.

>>23522244
Been a lot of dating app talk on here lately. Wonder what's up with that?

>Bumble is good because a true hoe often times don't even want to put in the effort to message first
I said this to someone the other day: the women on Bumble are ultra-normies. I did not find many I was interested in.

>>23522389
These threads are just run over by people who can't get laid or can't find a good partner.
It is getting very annoying., but occasionally I'll give one of these people advice.
>I did not find many I was interested in.
What's the interest? For me it was just someone who looked fine, was not a hoe, wanted a family and wasn't a feminist (in attitude).
You can find those. I don't give a fuck if they're into my hobbies or like the weird movies/music I like.

>>23521111
>noo you can't just browse this site and be a minority!
cope cracker

Whats the deal with calling people midwits? Especially when paired with a certain iq score? Like:
>Ugh midwits with 110-120 iq are the worst, theyre smart enough to grasp certain concepts but not true geniuses

>>23522410
Hahahahaha brown

>>23522421
yeah your girls love it

>>23522400
I dunno, I think if those are your criteria then you're basically signing up for conflict down the line. Not that shared hobbies make a good basis for a relationship. But the guys on /lit/ are weird, and a lot of times I think they filter out similarly weird women through having a narrow window for what "looks fine" or "not a feminist" means

>>23522422
>muh dick
you did the meme

>>23522400
If I had a gf, it would be all the social interaction I need.
I would never come on here again.
Why are you here?

>>23522423
What conflict?
If she wants children, is not caught in feminism and you can get along with here, where does the conflict come from?

>>23522433
I'm at work right now killing time.
And I've been here for nearly 15 years now, it's my go to site.

>>23522435
>and you can get along with her
This is the rub. Maybe to you a Christian nurse who talks about "love languages" and whose passions are her two dogs, Chinese take out, and The Office seems like a fine life companion to you but I could not live with someone like that.

im really getting tired of this perception that the only way to qualify as a person on the internet anymore is to talk insightfully about the culture war. as if I'm going to spend my life cataloguing and recording social trends on the internet like I'm a fucking naturalist in Patagonia. pass

Ive gotten back to the point where I can read a page in a few seconds. A very dense page in terms of word count but not extremely dense in intellectual content. Feels nice man.

>>23522445

Dude, if she's cute and makes you feel good, you wouldn't fucking care.
You're a virginer virgin than my virgin ass.

>>23522448
What do you want to talk about, my woman?

>>23521111
I like how the old attention seeking e-celeb I recognize is nowhere near the middle. Did they just ignore her?

>>23522457
anything else.

>>23522461
typical woman answer,
you did not add anything that I did not already know
literally sample from your anything else distribution and give me an example

>>23522465
>"le_roasties.exe" brain worms activated
I see.

>>23522448
You're a fucking retarded LGBTQ commie faggot if you believe that.
I'm jk... The zeitgeist is annoying but transient. It may be more productive that the internet feels borderline unusable most days. Really helps me go outside and explore things I otherwise wouldn't have.

>>23522471
Yeah, it's been a blessing.

>>23522431
Yes. Does that upset you?

>>23522445
What is it exactly you want?
You're looking for the mother of your child, who cares what tv shows she watches?
Is she capable of putting family before herself? Is she willing to work hard, because being a mother can be hard.
Those are important, not that she's into David Lynch or your microgenre of Jazz.
I feel like a lot of people try to replace the void of a good friend with a woman, bad idea.

I hate civilized life. I want back to tribal warfare.

I hate this about myself but I only like girls with pale skin. I have been like this since I was a tiny little child and it never changed.

I'm not fussy about lots of other things, but for some reason this one doesn't go away.

>>23522514
> I hate the fact that I want a woman of my own race
Stupid amerimutt

>>23522520
Im black.

>>23522456
I'm married and have two kids lol. "Cuteness" fades, and no one can make you feel good all the time. Little things will start to rankle, or you might find that you and such a nice, normal woman have extreme ideological differences about raising kids or whatever

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I believe in the good cop. The one who does their job, has integrity and moral principles, and is even willing to go above and beyond in extreme circumstance.

To oppose law enforcement on principle is just lawless, but to denounce corruption and abuse of power is a moral duty. Things are not always as simple as they seem.

My uncle was a cop, retired and work night security at a museum, like the movie kek. Was a man of good character, my other uncle was a robber who did life for murder in prison.

There are moments in life where you make certain decisions that have an outsized effect on your future, I think we often discount exactly how much power our choices have over our fate.

Changing jobs, moving to a new place, and especially situations of life and death. Sometimes you have to make a decision, even quickly, that will permanently determine life, death, mortal injury.

>>23522520
I'm not even very white myself, lol.
Maybe that is it though.
I'm like 3/4 White and 1/4 Sicilian.

>>23522523
So you admit white women are better?

>>23522524
So what do you do then?
Cause you paint a dire picture.

>>23522528
The Sicilians I know have blue eyes blonde hair.

People living in sin have such a weird, hateful relationship with food. Sadly none of them can write for shit, it would make for a good novel exploring the cuisine of scumbaggery.

>>23522539
I think those are the Normans. They aren't local.

I hate the fact that I worked McDonalds for a period of 1.5 years. It doesn't fit the biography of someone who wants to lead the life of a 17th Century nobleman.

>>23522540
Reminds me of Trump eating McDonalds.
I just literally cannot fucking understand that.

I had McDonalds like three times in my life and all of those experiences were awful.

The guy is a fucking billionaire.

>>23522549
Why do you want to betray the memory and spit on your forefathers?

>>23522543
Still native Sicilians. What do your Sicilian relatives look like? And where is the rest of your family from?

>>23522554
>What do your Sicilian relatives look like?
Dark enough and not even among the darkest from the region.

>>23522496
Like I said to the other anon, I'm married with kids, at this point I'm not looking for anything. It's not really about taste in movies or music, I was just trying to give an example of your typical mundane Bumble woman. They are nice but they lack substance, and yes I think they are better suited to men who are on a similar wavelength. It doesn't matter if she's a hard worker and willing to make sacrifices in the abstract, it matters if she's willing to do that FOR YOU. And shared goals, values, and interests make her more likely to do that.

>>23522553
My forefathers were peasant pilled farm property owners. It was my parents who betrayed this memory and became city people and as a consequence I grew up mostly in the city too. Now that I moved to the country I only hate the fact that I lived in the city more.

>>23522558
Why the fuck do you care? 1/4 is not even that much depending on the rest of your ancestry. In the contrary it ennobles the barbarian spirit towards civilization rather than ruining it completely, like when it is immersed into the negro or insect essence. You can compare yourself to an Alexander or Socrates racially they were of analogous composition.

Whenever I go outside, I get filled with unbearable rage and self-hatred. I hate seeing all these pretty women to whom I'm nothing and all these filthy homeless crack addicts. I unironically feel like that guy from Taxi Driver. Shit's fucked. Time to crack open a beer.

>>23522562
You're not saying much at all.
You seem to be drawing all kinds of conclusions to a very, very brief description of what I consider a good woman to be. Obviously I can expand on it but my point was about people who think a wife should be a 'soul partner' who is into the same hobbies.

>>23522577
then why does my pp only want to go into white pale skinned women?

>>23522235
You won't get matches unless you have model-tier photos or are a literal gigachad. You also risk absolutely decimating your self-esteem and confidence and driving yourself into depression when you realize that after thousands of women viewing your profile, not a single one found you attractive enough to click like whereas I myself found probably 60% decent looking on there.

>>23522581
Dude did you lurk too much on /pol/ and /his/ or what. Why the fuck do you care if 3/4 of your ancestry is Northern European why does it surprise you that you want pale skinned women?

>>23522526
Our society is built on the lie, which we have to tell ourselves daily to be able to live, that it's a mid-20th century liberal nation with the same prospects for social and economic reform that liberal nations had around that time. In actuality our societies have been totalitarian managed zoos filled with unmanageable people since the '60s. The last people who lived normal lives and had normal upbringings in states actually resembling the lie were the boomers, which is why everything is so stagnant, the boomers believe the lie easiest of all, so they are willing to keep everything in stasis.

Each successive generation after them has had to strain more and more under the pressure of lying to itself that it isn't living in hell. We're supposed to tell ourselves that dirty, trash-filled concrete jungles that increasingly resemble the third world, in which the small producing class is systematically tortured so that the non-producing classes can have an endless party with no consequences, right up to and including raping and murdering members of the producing class, is the same as the 1950s. We're supposed to think that modern theologies of social liberation are the same as they were for the hippies, when there was actually some merit in rebelling against stuffy alcoholic parents who suffered in silence and took their problems out on their families. We're supposed to believe that the drug-addicted, obese, gay, ugly, stupid consumer of today is "fundamentally the same" as his 1950s and 1850s predecessor, just contingently and externally different.

We all narcotize ourselves to accept the lie every day in our own ways. Millennials become shrill freaks in constant cognitive dissonance, even turning this into their primary hobby and their religion. Zoomers retreat into themselves, and become "the beautiful ones" from the Calhoun rat experiments.

Only a minority of emergency-related professions has to face the truth on a daily basis and do the dirty work of maintaining the substructure at its lowest, usually invisible levels, and cops are one of them. We all just step over the schizo and tell ourselves unconsciously "every city has schizos, it's always been like this." Cops know just how many schizos there are, how fucked the so-called average person is. They have to see the actual decay and rot in the substructure, while getting screamed at by everybody else, because screaming at cops is (hilariously) part of everybody else's own self-lying technique.

>sex women sex bumble tinder my pp sex sex
can you faggots just fuck off to /adv/?

>>23522532
they are in some aesthetic ways, but black women are great if you can find one whose attitude isn't total shit

>>23521042
It's a shame how much art these days is a subject of money laundering, national prestige, or lame bitching about this or that tribal heritage, and how little it takes full advantage of the technology of manufacturing for sheer sensational effect. A kind of Versailles meant from the outset only to be seen passing through, never resided in.

>>23522592
This is why you should move to the country side.
The warrior locked inside his house there is king, but what king doesn't want a large kingdom?

>>23522593
it's literally why we are all here,
and I don't mean here on 4chan,
but here, alive,
I think you lost the plot somewhere along the line

>>23522593
They should just all an hero.

>>23522598
>This is why you should move to the country side.
The fact that conservatives think the countryside is some secret paradise is laughable. People are just as fat, subhuman and depressed there as in the city - compounded with the fact that now you NEED a car and you won't have the opportunity of meeting a young woman your age.

>>23522580
You're fixated too much on hobbies here man. I'm not talking about finding a "soul partner" but there's a lot more to it than both of you wanting kids

>>23522608
You're not talking about anything. All those replies and you said literally nothing.

>>23522600
we're here, alive, because of that big ball of light in the sky. where are my heliotheist anons?

The symbiotic mutualism between Nile crocodiles and thick-knee birds is interesting. Together, both help ward off thieving monitor lizards who are after croc eggs.

>>23522607
Yeah but if you live in a farm lot surrounded by a fence with a house in the middle there's no fat people around, no blacks, no faggots, just you, the cattle, the plants, the forest, your wife, your children.
The warrior locked up in his house there is king.

>>23522621
The idea of not hearing blacks' mufflerless cars, music, and screaming is so distant to me now that it's like someone telling me about some 7th heaven in Pure Land Buddhism.
>Chocolate rivers? Nymphs that show you their tits? Sounds nice, but too fanciful for me.

>>23522628
I live in a country where I can go months without seeing a black face.

>>23522628
Do you seriously believe that it is possible to re-create a white urban lifestyle? Me, I don't think so. I think even if it was possible the whites themselves have become too degenerated. I think the best possible bet right now is buying a farm wich is the largest territory that is acquirable and individually controllable. Some sort of construction ground for my own private society.

>>23522643
You could always found an Orania
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orania

>>23522651
It's being tried in the U.S now too.
https://returntotheland.org/#/home
I'm not backing it since I haven't read up on it much, but if you're dead set on living in a White community this might be worth it.

>>23522651
> move into the heart of a country plagued by niggers
No thanks.
And as I said I basically hate most modern whites because of how old and boomer-like they behave, because of how stupid and selfish they are, because they tolerate faggots, because of how cowardly they are, and many other reasons. Of course this doesn't apply to all whites but most of them are an insult to the most noble of races.
I want a huge farm with cattle and a blue eyed blonde haired wife to continue the race. Not to make any attempts at re-creating something lost, to live amidst these swathes of misery and become ill myself, like all those LARpagans and 'conservatives' who, in attempting to fight a social gangrene, have long catched gangrene too.
In the contrary, and Rousseau gives great advice on this, to isolate my future children from the influence of society as much as possible, no TV no internet at home, nothing but the farm where they will grow strong, healthy and sane-minded.

>>23522671
How come you haven't cut off your own internet yet?

>>23522663
>We feel this is a much better arrangement than many so-called “intentional communities” where a family can pay their life savings to “buy into” a community with no legal paperwork, only to be kicked out with no compensation a few years later when they have a falling-out with the cult-like inner circle (many such cases.)
I can tell someone thoughtful is behind this and genuinely wants to avoid some of the obvious pitfalls. Interesting.

>>23522673
Wise decisions take years in planning.

>>23522607
Paradise, urban, suburban, exurban, rural, is mostly matter of legacy at this point, cultural most particularly: Under no circumstances, no much money I had, would I live in Scottsdale, but would like life in Wilmette more than about anywhere else in the world, a shade above where I'm now. Needing a car is a minor issue, at least by the standards I'm accustomed to. The fact that most alleged conservatives are delusional reactionaries with no sense of the global scene, is another matter.

>>23522671
Why do you feel an obligation to a race that has disenfranchised you?

>>23521526
Have you tried being normal?

>>23522621
Basement dweller fantasy. Farms these days are mostly owned and operated by multi-generational experts. I live about 10 miles away from what is essentially remote resort town, rather a lot of the residents of which are owners of farms, who operate them as professional managers. Good luck trying to live off the land well as they do .

>>23522763
Have a wank, big bollocks.

>>23522789
You you put that so sweetly, I believe you're being ironic.

>>23522810
Lulz if true or not.

>>23522759
Victor Davis Hanson has many good insights on this, as he was a farmer before his PhD and after. He also wrote a book on the historical importance of the independent farmer to ancient Greek consciousness, The Other Greeks, which every "back to the land" type person should read.

What's interesting about him is he tells you realistically how incredibly hard it is to farm.

Since I've become /lit/ I keep thinking about my old /lit/ girlfriend that I didn't appreciate, at all. Didn't once ask her what she was annotating in the classics, also used to switch off when she spoke about them. Hold me

There's such remarkable larpers and pseuds on this board

>>23521042
I've a an inordinate fondness for vacuum fluorescent displays. My favorite one is built into the rear view mirror of my car, and which displays only compass readings, the second favorite of which displays MPH heads-up reflected off the windshield. Both are in that same aquamarine that almost nothing else looks like.

this bitch got me smiling and shit

>>23522866
I can understand, it's a unique look. It's more of a meme but I quite like the way characters look when displayed in nixie tubes.

Unpleasant morning today.

With blacks, 70% of your soft drink orders will be wrong. Just accept it. It's a human constant. Black people are the same as other humans so it can't be because they're black. It must just be part of life. Just accept that everything is not quite what it should be or always broken or run down. Accept it. It's how it's always been. London has always been mostly black and filled with knife crime.

>another chapter where a younger girl makes fun of the MCs balding head and says it's no wonder why he doesn't have a girlfriend
>MC fantasizes about breaking into her home at night and blasting her smug, gap-toothed, mole-rat face off with a shotgun while he grudgingly continues to work.
The author really is running out of ideas this time. Think I might drop this book soon.

If u spend to much time looking at your phone in the toilet a muscle in your ass can rupture ...that happened to a buddy...I'm gonna short my toilet time now ..

>>23522859
welcome to /lit/

>>23522638
then why the fuck are you so racist?

>>23522903
>Rich kids playing with rich kid toys and a bunch of poorfags trying to vicariously live that dream through donations, it's so fucking pathetic.
You just described the next 100 years of human culture in the most likely outcome for our species. Most likely outcome: things continue being just as bad as they are, actually getting worse, but technocratic elites and legacy governments perfect techniques for keeping it all under the surface while maintaining their control. One hundred years of increasingly racially mixed neo-Brazilians watching a small, semi-autonomous set of rich e-celebrities having fun, basically a form of serfdom where you pay your distant masters to jetski with your attention, your ad revenue, "clicks" and "upvotes." This soft form of control and stagnation is easily brought into line with whatever hard forms of control the post-human governments will actually use. The whole human race will come to have the same level of consciousness as a random faveloid or Chinese housewife using social media and watching reality TV all day, except it'll be perfected and homogenized.

It's either this or fascism.

>>23522763
like 99.999% of men watch porn and masturbate according to pretty much every study ever conducted on the matter

even women watch porn these days

you'd end up with a planet populated by asexual dykes lol

>>23522893
>soft drink orders
Can you be more of a caricature?

I do way too much research for the historical fiction I write. I'm talking reading 4+ books on the topic just for one 5k word short story. It's a compulsion and a waste of time. I mean who the fuck cares about this level of accuracy, everyone makes shit up about this historic period in particular anyway.

>>23522909
It's not a board I usually frequent and I guess I didn't expect it to be -this- bad.

>>23522903
I come from southern Europe and my father still operates our small farming operation.
But it's strictly for our consumption. Profit is not possible. At best, excluding labour, one can get slightly cheaper produce.

The big thing these last few years has been climate change fucking up our harvests.

>>23522941
ISPs and Google can accurately tell how much people watch porn.
It's no secret.

>>23522939
still better than the rest of them, or do you have a suggestion?

>>23522859
DFW commanded us to create new sincerity so we did.

>>23522944
But all the cool retrvn to tradition tradcons told me climate change was a hoax/scam/conspiracy

>>23522957
no, we need to create a new cult, that is centered around strong moral fibre,
an atheist Mormonism of the future

>>23522953
Fucking gottem, the collective "posts return to tradition memes" x "posts anti climate change disinfo on facebook" community will be reeling once they're alerted of your post against them

>>23522951
Not really I guess. I used to spend a lot of time on /k/ but it's just entirely unusable most of the time these days, and nobody on /tg/ plays games anymore.

>>23522962
I certainly seem to have gotten you.

>>23522953
my father, is actually really depressed about it,
he doesn't know what climate change is,
but he's so sad that the climate has been fucking up his harvests for the past few years,
and it's never returning to what he was used to

kinda makes me sad too, cause he got not much time left and he will only see the world getting worse and worse from his perspective

>>23522969
>no cult has EVER been about spreading moral values or truths

Mormons tend to be financially successful and have nice big healthy families. I kinda envy them.

>>23522971
You always get me anon, whenever you post "umm funny how Blumpf supporters are pro national SOCIALIST and also worship the NEOCON Reagan isn't it??"

Whenever you shadowbox with phantoms that aren't there, I'm there, laughing at you

>>23522972
That's rough. I'm not sure what I'd recommend for that really, other than whatever you're probably doing to be nice to him. It's hard when these things happen at the end of someone's life.

>>23522921
>Please GOD where the fuck is it so I can move
Balkans

>>23522939
It was "bad" even in 2019 when I took a 5 year hiatus. A lot of the same issues back then but finding quality posts used to be so much easier. Now they basically don't exist at all.
>>23522951
/lit/ is the most intellectually dishonest board on the entire website. A true /lit/ poster will not ever tell you their opinion, tell you what they believe, tell you the reasoning behind their beliefs, and never tell you how they feel. You have people who have never read the subject matter thinking themselves to be genius experts, arguing only in bad faith, using every fallacy and posting every ugly wojak because they are unable to form honest arguments. They are retards who unironically think they're too intelligent to form an earnest argument, and all of the problems in their life result from their intelligence and not from their retardation. If you're looking for earnest discussion this is easily the worst board on this entire website, and yes, it's worse than any "shit" board you can imagine.

>>23522985

How dare you?

>>23522843
Sounds interesting. Agriculture where I live (corn and basedbeans) is these days is automated almost beyond belief, with air-conditioned cabs & such in front of or atop huge combines that obviously must be foldable to take from one region to another by highway. Indeed, it all seems quite like an alien world from the typical highway perspective: I've never seen a single human figure in the open, on foot, in or on borders of any of the several hundred square miles in plowed fields in view of my car, over the last decade. It all seems to happen as if by some kind of magic that's not to be believed even when seen.

I foresee an American diaspora of aging millennials in the next decade or so. Generation of wrinkled children getting chewed up and spat out by the first world's cult of youth hightailing it for Eastern Europe or something. Too bad, so very sad.

>>23522984
is that the place where they make white women wear the muslim shit?

I saw a white girl in a fucking burqa the other day, not even a headscarf, a fucking burqa.
You could still tell that she was pretty because she was pale and had the most beautiful deep blue eyes.

No white girl should be treated like that.

>>23522998
Even planting a few tomato plants in my backyard is hard work, it is astonishing to me that it is something that happens at a billion times the scale, but we still waste so much food, and so much of it gets shunted to the cities.

>>23523001
Even in Albania women don't wear the "muslim shit". No.

>>23522985
>the whole second part
Yeah this has been my observation so far. I think the boards that are associated with topics that're traditionally considered intellectual and high minded (/lit/, /sci/, /g/, etc.) have attracted just the absolute WORST of the pseuds and posers. I think the vast majority of the userbase of boards like these is people who want to appear interested in the topic, if nothing else to themselves, rather than people who're actually already interested in it.

>>23523010
Also this might seem obvious as an assumption, but seeing it actually true in reality is really something.

>>23522997
I don't even care if you believe that. But your kind are an intellectually dishonest cancer on this board. Follow the rules, stop spamming off-topic threads, stop throwing tantrums and accusing everyone that disagrees with you of being a tranny. It's just embarrassing. I value honesty and consistency and you people are generally dishonest, emotional, tantrum throwing babies.

>>23523010
I'll take /lit/ over /his/ and /pol/ any day.

>>23523007
They don't even eat pork.
I trust no man who doesn't eat bacon.

>>23523008
Then where are all these white girls in Germany wearing these Muslim garbs coming from?

>>23522897
Serves you right for reading my diary, dumbass.

>>23523017
Remarkable how they accuse everyone else of behaving like that though, isn't it? And go on at length about how completely unacceptable and subhuman that kind of behavior is.

>>23523018
/his/ was maybe usable with interesting discussion for like a week, tops, after it was created.

>>23523028
Germany isn't part of the Balkans.

>>23523044
might as well fucking be
lots of balkan monkeys cruising around
with their clapped out mercs

>>23523037
/his/ is even worse than /pol/ at this point. It doesn't even have funny shitposts or any sort of board culture to speak of. There's never anything other than Hitler, haploautism, Christians and atheists trying to out-edgelord each other, and coomers spamming Yugoslav female partisans and pregnant Anne Frank. Why anyone bothers to make the occasional rare interesting thread in that hell, I don't know.

>>23523048
I love it when masculine Balkans make their domesticated European cousins seethe. You won't do shit

>>23523063
I can't believe time warp /his/ is stuck in with respect to Christian/atheism debates, it's like 2006 redux for the zoomer generation.

>>23523063
Every chad knows the only thing /his/ is good for are the mesoamerica threads.

>>23522877
It's surprising how long the manufacture of them persisted, given how elaborately artful it is: The oldest working display I have is in a Realistic cassette recorder circa 1982 , the youngest in a Sony home theater receiver circa 2013, and the most elaborate, in 3 colors, in a 3-head Sony cassette deck that has 3 colors. It should go almost without saying that I collect monitors for fun, and have about 4 working VCRs.

>>23523090
That sounds cool anon. I don't have nearly that level of interest in this, but that sounds like a neat collection.

i would rather sit here and listen to these niggas talk about flourescent lights for the rest of the thread than suffer another coomer therapy session

>>23523107
I was sitting on the tram coming back from the Gyro place today and this girl on the same bench smiled at me as if she recognized me.
And I just cannot take it out of my head.
I don't think I know her of ever knew her.
But then, why was she acting as if we knew each other?
God, and she was pretty too.
I didn't even have time to make conversation as it was my stop.

>>23523116

She felt sorry for you

>>23523122
Somebody cared enough about me to have a reaction.
I feel human again.

>>23523116
The girl at the liquor store asked me how my day was and now you WILL hear about it.

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Girlmoded for around 3 hour in town again. Might do it again tomorrow, hoping to pick a nice blouse or maxidress up.

>>23523127
So how was your day, anon?

>>23523130
hang yourself

>>23523135
it was. as for the girl, I mumbled "good" and left.

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>>23523116
She could've saved you. You let the opportunity pass and now you will suffer for it.

>>23522975
Too bad the underlying system makes them miserable and cheats them of their money besides. It's in quiet decline, though LDS HQ hates admitting it.

>>23523093
It just sort of happened. For instance the relatives of a recently invalid neighbor practically gave me an almost unused TV with all sorts of legacy inputs, along with a century old oak kitchen table. Naturally I set one of the Panasonic Omnivissions on it with the other, made the proper connections, and let it rip inserting a cassette.. "Make sure the rope is tight. It's got to hold the weight of a pig."

>https://www.sothebys.com/en/buy/auction/2024/master-sculpture-from-four-millennia-l24264/a-roman-marble-portrait-bust-of-caracalla-212-217
disdain for plebs is coming up for auction! anybody got 2 million pounds to blow?

>>23523169
Sounds cool anon, antique furniture and stuff is always really nice, and just kinda pleasing to have. I think my most prized possession in this vein is a Winchester 1897 takedown model, with a hunting length barrel, from a little over a hundred years ago. She's beautiful and I love her and I'm completely ashamed that I haven't taken her to a gunsmith to get a couple problems looked at, and thus haven't ever shot her.

>>23523133
Exactly so I drive a 2003 Buick Park Avenue that has about 4 vacuum fluorescent displays in in the same color: One in the dashboard, one in the soundsystem, one in the rear view mirror, one in the heads-up display, On the other hand I owned a whole set of JVC stuff with amber/orange vacuum fluorescent displays.

>>23523130
I bet you are 6'5 250 lbs of pure muscle or something ridiculous like that.

>>23522503
War is only an aspect of civilised life, not human nature.

We have an obvious capacity to engage in warfare, but our brains are not hardwired to identify and kill outsiders involved in collective conflicts. Group attacks emerged with the birth of agriculture (birth of civilisation).

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>>23523231
>6'5 250 lbs of pure muscle or something ridiculous like that.
5'11, 120 pounds, long hair.

>>23522249
so it turns out that NOBODY on here reads
but that's okay because i'm rewriting this again

>>23523267
Do squats and post ass

I want an egl gf so bad bros

Years ago someone here gave me the advice to not even try to publish anything until I was at least 30 years old. At the time I thought it was good advice but in retrospect it was terrible advice.

>>23521042
There's this instagram page, creatures_of_new_york, that keeps popping up in my feed. Every video is some NYC whacko greenscreened against the Cologne cathedral with Rammstein playing in the background, I cannot tell if it's cruel poverty ogling or if the page is trying to garner sympathy for these unfortunate people. Anyway, I feel great sympathy for mankind as a concept, abstraction, but face to face with people I am always plagued by haughty arrogance. I have heard myself described as a "loner", but I'm really not, I'm just constantly terrified that everyone dislikes me / I am being obnoxious and I make almost no effort to reach out.

I just had sex

>>23523227
i knew what the table was worth (way above the 150 they asked.) Beautiful piece of work, that would take about 2K to decently replicate. My standards aren't so mercenary in general, and when shopping a massive antique store near me, i tend to go with what i like without regard to investment value, and have gotten away with few beautiful pieces for a song, among which is a unique piece of Bohemian art glass, and a weirdly light octagonal pitcher I use everyday, the like of which I've never seen anywhere else. The strangest thing in that store , aside from uranium glass, is a huge cabinet with about 150K stereo prints of photos from about 1915-1929, mostly of Europe. It obviously belongs in a major metropolitan museum, but who knows why it's there.

Somehow I gotta find about 9 more hours worth of things to do today. They told me it was going to get boring, and boy oh fucking boy were they right.

>>23523322
Ever seen such a heads-up display register 97? 105? Ever added 9k and 20K lights to an indoor grow setup for no other reason for than for the extra frostiness to the look of what blooms there?

>>23523286
squats aren't really an ass-focused lift.

>>23523424
Not lifting. Squatting alone.

>>23523431
still quad dominant. glute bridges are the actual butt hypertrophy exercise.

>>23523355
It's a nice piece of work. The chairs came with the price, but I I could tell they were of a much later date, and told the seller to take that shit away (if rather politely.) My kitchen is generally of Scandi moderne style, but it somehow goes with it, and looks striking where it is. Of course the wood is beautiful, and seen better advantage than the previous owner did, who kept it under rather too much heavy cloth.

>>23521792
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maladaptive_daydreaming

>>23521042
---- Solaria ----
9307
Film Catastrophe

Yet another day where nothing has gone wrong
In this life of usual first world luxury,

Where NEETs ride in leather seats
Scenic drives faraway

From even geological risk in a statistical lifetime.

Somehow I ended up almost exactly like a NEET even though I’ve been working since I was 17.

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NOTHING EVER FUCKING HAPPENS I DON'T WANT TO BUY MILK JUST SO I CAN DRINK MILK JUST SO I CAN GROW BONES JUST SO I CAN CARRY MORE MILK TO DRINK TO MAKE MORE BONES TO CARRY MILK TO BUILD BONES

I am obsessively in love right now, I cannot stop thinking about this hoe. It's pulsing through my body it's so fucking annoying, it's been a while since I've felt such a thing. Though it might just be infatuation. I did not care too much about her in the first month but now I'm fucked, I need to see her again so I can find flaws and get this shit feeling off me FUCK.

>>23523521
I didn't work at any time except around 19, nor at time between then and 28, and then only desultorily till about 37 when the inheritance began to run out. At 17 my idea of work was taking home decent grades in math and physics and English.

Holy shit I'm so fucking bored. I went to my class. I went for a 5 mile walk. I read a book. I made a sandwich. I masturbated. I took a nap. I did some preparation for work tomorrow. I requested an autopsy report. AND ITS STILL ONLY 6PM. WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO WITH ALL MY TIME.

>>23523540
Whst the fuck does one even mean by saying nothing ever happens?

https://youtu.be/m94N7oAdv0o?list=RDEMYGtiL1tlAs5ckQ4a4yrUIg

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Sometimes when I discover something new, a new: story, film, book, game etc I immedieatly look up its ending and then I start working my way through the main story until I arrive at the end that I spoiled myself. Wtf is wrong with me?

>>23523639
Nothing, some studies suggest this improves enjoyment, at least with some forms of media. Do -you- prefer this?

>>23523654
sometimes, and sometimes I don't. Its not dependant on media either, like games, I spoil some games and others I do not. I do not know why

My personal space is perfectly organized. My apartment is clean, my car is parked in the lot, the laundry is all put away, the bed is made, and the toilet is clean. All the doors and windows are shut and locked. The towels are all folded. At work, my office is organized. I have just a few errands to run over the next few weeks, and it'll be easy to take care of them. I have no upcoming social engagements of any kind, which is exactly how I like it.

My dumbphone is nearly empty. Apart from a few ongoing personal and work related things, all text and call history is deleted, and most default apps are disabled apart from basic functionality. The background is a flat black 2 x 1 rectangle. The contacts app itself is disabled. Whenever I want to get ahold of someone, I punch in the number by hand. I do not have some second "burner" phone where I keep the "real" information. I regularly reset the memory on the basic apps that I do use.

There once was a man named pat, who looked quite awkward and fat.

Fat Pat saw a gnat on a servants hat.

He took a large bat, which was laying on this mat, and beat the man till he lay flat, he missed the gnat.

When asked “Now why did you do all that”?

He sighed, was taken aback and replied “I don’t like blacks”

>>23523665
Maybe see if you can't figure out what the difference is, between something you enjoy after you spoil yourself and something you don't. That seems like a good start at least.

>>23523666
Didn't you post this like a week ago? Is your posting also perfectly organized?

>>23523639
Fun fact: in roman theatre they told the audience the whole plot right at the start of the play.

>>23523673

Making the bed is usually the last thing, and honestly pretty pointless. But I like it when everything is squared away. Once that's done and I can truthfully post in the present tense, I enjoy doing so.

For a period of a few years, despite being OCD, I lived in absolute squalor. I've since cleaned up in here, and even made a few small repairs.

>>23523672
idk, maybe the weight of the story. If I think the story won't scar me emotionally for few weeks then I don't spoil it but if I'm afraid of it scaring me then I look up the ending to build a resistance of sorts before I get hit by a real thing. That would be my guess.

>>23523666
>My dumbphone is nearly empty. Apart from a few ongoing personal and work related things, all text and call history is deleted, and most default apps are disabled
>default apps
>dumbphone
ur doin it wrong

>>23523689

In the sense that I own a dumbphone at all, yes, I'm doing it wrong. I would prefer to only have a landline at home, but unfortunately employers expect it.

That said, I'm sure you have something more specific technical idea in mind. But I don't much care about the minor technical differences from one dumbphone to the next. At the present moment, it's all very much the same slop, the same garbage.

>>23522456
Ironic, because you sound like the one with lack of experience here.
>>23522562
It's possible, but doubtful.
>>23522580
Show us your tits.

>>23522922
checked and playing with my revolver right now. Bleak.

>>23521042
My favorite kind of scene in high waking is that of huge trees in a suave lawn. In REM dreams I seem to delight more in night, but not much more so in endless malls, schools, apartment complexes, city grids, industrial complexes, variations on cars, hotels, airports, parks, resorts.

>>23523711
Anon probably means there are phones which are only for texting and calling. They're the phones which were common around the late 90s to 2000. Most companies make revamped versions of them now which can connect to radio and have a flashlight for millennials who want a nostalgia trip but also a flashlight and music.
A smartphone with a couple apps and internet connectivity was normal for most people around 2010 and a iPhone was huge flex, so anon probably thinks you're old enough to remember that when you're probably not.
>inb4 but it has apps _and_ buttons to type
You don't want to let crackberry addicts into your life like that in 2024

anon, you just make me mad.

>>23523769
>Most companies make revamped versions of them now which can connect to radio and have a flashlight for millennials who want a nostalgia trip but also a flashlight and music.
Let's be real, they're for paranoid drug dealers

>>23523769

I'm past 40. I just never cared about modern phones, and I have always had a thoroughgoing contempt for everything about them. I vaguely remember the estranged aunt having a blackberry circa 2006 or so, shortly before iphone hegemony in the dumbphone market.

Literally thirty percent of the population are darting their eyes down at these stupid fucking things that do not matter while operating their death machines on the highways. I see them constantly. Stupid shits, quite literally of all ages and races. I welcome any law, policy, rule or social norm which limits, restricts, or physically takes them away from people. Recently people have started coming round to the idea that they are a special form of poison and need to be physically taken away from teenagers while high school is in session, a policy which I would like to see spread as far, wide and deep in the school systems as possible.

>>23523785
>I have always had a thoroughgoing contempt for everything about them
Why can't people on this site just dislike things.

She got engaged 8 months after rejecting me.

>>23523785
I know for a fact future Hitler is browsing /lit/. He needs to add "ban smartphones" to his Day One policies.

who do i need to pay to review my manuscript

>>23523864
>I know for a fact future Hitler is browsing /lit/
This is absolutely true, here or somewhere like it.

It feels like my whole life was an exercise in training stoicism in me for the impending breakdown of social and metaphysical fabric that will come with ai expansion.
Stoicism in the face of impending death.
And the faint hope that it will be comfortable fade out with drugs and forgiveness.

Like I was born to be alone.
And I want to feel sad about that, but I can't.
And that worries me.

I can be perfectly sociable, but i get nothing out of it any more.
There's a digital clock in my bank account slowly ticking down, as i stuff my face with pizza and mcdonalds and childish video games and sleep in my racecar bed.
I was a senior machine learning engineer at a major bank, and I have been unemployed for over a year.
I feel like even if I got a new job, which I can't, I don't know if its the weed dependence or some other subconscious tell that keeps me from getting past interviews, that even if I had a job, it would be gone in a few years to an ai software engineer.
So what do I do?
School? For what? Learn what that ai wont also be doing?
Learn to teach? Teach who? Kids will be gone.
Teach what? They'll have perfect ai assistants with all knowledge and logic in their pockets 24/7.

What do I do?
I'm not burning too fast. I'm sleeping in my old childhood bedroom saving money.
My Dad is very understanding and doesn't really pressure me at all, and assures me he'll leave me a pretty sizeable amount when he dies.
He's a very cool and generous guy.
I hate gambling, and thus hate stock trading.
I've thought of making a bot that just copies all of rich peoples stock deals, but I'd be too pussy to put any real money in it.
Lately I just get high and play Kingdom Hearts on Steam.
It was a really formative video game for me.
I was a Disney faggot overly-moralized liberal kid.
And it released exactly as I hit puberty and realized I would never have beautiful romantic love, and my friends moved on to be cool and have sex, and a simplified light and dark understanding of the world and justice abandoned me.
And you get to run around with all of the beautiful heroes of love and light in all the Disney movies, and vanquish evil, and kiss the girl, and save your angsty friend rival from Darkness.
A world where your deepest cringiest innocent wishes become real.
A world where love is real.
If your love is righteous enough, the elements of light and dark and time and space bend to your will.

>>23521042
I feel bad for my younger brother. He's 9 years old yet acts like a 3-4 yr old. He spews out random words, can't provide a proper reply, is impulsive, etc. I've come up with a few reasons as to his behavior. 1.) Genetics (I'm ngl I was a bit spergy too, but my bros weren't the same), 2.) My parents had him late 3.) I pressed down on his head when he was born (unsure how far I pushed), and 4.) a lack of socialization- ever since he was born he has rarely engaged with kids his age; he's always been on either a phone or watching T.V.; at least with me and my bros, we had each other to hang with. He has no one.
My mom, ever the hysteric, doesn't want to take my brother to a child psychologist fearing he'll be put on meds. I'm unsure where his future lies. How could I steer his future in the best way possible guys?

>>23523917
He's just letting you know he's ready to begin his posting career on 4chan

>>23523931
Will he at least make good posts?

>>23523917
Take him to an adult psychologist later when your hysterical mother can't forbid it. Before that I dunno, just try to do your best with your own life experiences as being kinda spergy, try to engage him with stuff that isn't on a screen.

i swear these dudes who beat grim dawn on hardcore ultimate have to be like mindfulness gurus or sth cuz if u space out for like two minutes while ur grinding some shit will fucking kill you. like in a boss fight it's easy to stay alive cuz ur like oh fuck it's a boss fight better be on point, but when ur just grinding for levels or drops or sth, u inevitably space out, and next thing you know ur fucking dead. i'm playing it on normalcore ultimate and i died like 450 times already and i didn't even hit level 100 yet. the kind of concentration and mindfulness needed to not get smoked by some trash mob while ur grinding is insane. maybe they just pop ritalins all day while they play? idk man. some games are a test of reflexes, or strategy, or whatever, but grim dawn hardcore mode tests your concentration.

He remembered his "best friend" who died four years ago. His best friend, he thought, a pathetic asshole.
And yet he remembered when he was fifteen and getting into drinking bootleg beer with him.
>hunh, me and his older brother are the ones who actually got him into smoking weed.
I had problems with alcohol, he admitted.
I fucked up bad, really bad, when I was drunk. That time I had a habit of breaking into houses even if the person was there, he thought. He didn't know why. He remembered checking doors and trying to slide windows open. Getting in somehow and not even stealing anything, just sitting on the couch and spacing out while gravity rode like canoe in a great heaving ocean with no paddle or rudder. Sometimes he passed out and woke up a few hours later still in the early darkness of near morning.
Waking up "what the fuck what the fuck shit shit!" Remembering nothing of the previous twenty four hours.
He remembered getting up, wherever he was, and looking for a door, sometimes he woke up on the floor or outside beneath a window he may have been looking at entering.
He never knew.
There was something comforting and safe in not remembering things, he thought.
His other "freinds" sometimes told him what he did during those times with great glee and admiration sometimes, and anger and horror other times.
He didn't feel shame at the bad things. It just felt like a part of his brain just shattered like a cracked mirror. Just like in the movies where a comically ugly person looked in a mirror and smiled.
The horror and what could only be called criminal acts of depravity felt far, far from his person. Like stories he used to read in his old uncles stacks of True Detective and Real Crime. Full of pictures of bloody women laying naked in bloody beds, all in black and white newsprint.

Probably spend 50% of my day thinking about women. They are present in my dreams and when I wake up with a raging boner. This is torture! An injustice!

Two girls smiled at me today. So that means I'm the biggest Chad on /wwoym/

So, does the experience of life for everyone at a certain psychological point in growth, or moment of recognition of one's inadequacy and incompleteness, turn into a daily struggle of finding propositions and seemingly fulfilling things to occupy one's time with as a way of not committing suicide? If so, why did nobody tell me this?

>>23524137
only for unattractive people, yes. just hopping from lily pad to lily pad of cope. become a monk or commit suicide.

>>23524143
Wow, epic diss!

>>23524146
Nobody was dissing you. It's the truth. You're either invited to the feast or you're chained outside like a dog.

>>23521042
Caffein is such a weird inconsistent drug for me. Yesterday I had an americano and a bunch of coke zeros. I felt like a god extremely euphoric. pumped, thinking and socializing better than normal.
Today i had an americano again but this time it just made me feel depressive and irritable.

>>23524197
Did you have it on an empty stomach today or something?

>>23522881
This didn't really improve.

A recurring sad thought is of a person before their flight, afraid of flying but entertaining coping mechanisms, who's plane then crashes. There must be at least a few on every commercial flight that has crashed. Sometimes I see videos of major turbulence with all the people screaming and praying, and the comments will scoff at the behavior of the terrified people, claiming they wouldn't be like that. Yet that's probably only because they can easily dismiss it as 'just turbulence'. I'm sure the scene in most cabins before a crash resembled the same hysteria.

I wonder why exactly I find it comparatively more sad than the rest of the plane crashing. Certainly for everyone involved it is equally terrifying in the moment. Maybe it's the fact that they are dismissive of the fear, which then comes true. It feels more tolerable to instead accept it as a possibility. But again, if I was in a plane going down, would I at all be comforted by the fact that I expected it? I think if I were a samurai preforming seppuku, I would vomit before slicing my belly. Embarrassing.

>>23524137
Of course not.
>>23524143
Depends on what you mean by unattractive. There's such a thing as charming awkward fugs that have a good time of it generally, and by contrast beautiful looking men and women that almost everyone avoids, for good reason. Of course the toss-up of congenital and background combinations is goddamn endless, but the main thing is not to resent anyone who is truly or deeply fine in whatever way one only wishes to be.

Apparently the concept of "things" (an object with properties), something everyone considers common sense now, didn't exist before Aristotle's Categories; it's not seen in Plato or the Presocratics, according to the book The Discovery of Things.

shit man i feel like bursting into tears when I think of how I wasted my life, everything was there for me and I squandered it all with my anxieties and insecurities and lack of direction, and it feels impossible to make things right at this point

I dont like this feel one bit

>>23524327
>but the main thing is not to resent anyone who is truly or deeply fine in whatever way one only wishes to be.
true. well said

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>reading a book about economics and politics
>24 pages in
>it's only describing how the book was made, printed, talks about the author, popularity of his work and his career, books sold and its cultural relevance
I know I'm only 24 pages in but why do I have to read this? Wouldn't it have made more sense to put that at the end of the book instead of the beginning?

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>>23521042
Do you ever check the archive for threads you've missed, come across a post that is just fucking 10/10, and then it lives in your head rent free for weeks because you were never able to react to it or share it with anyone?

>>23524375
Keith Tribe's translation of Economy and Society?

>>23524379
Road to Serfdom by Hayek.

>>23524375
Are you reading the fucking Foreword/Preface/Introduction?
Skip to Chapter 1. All non-fiction does this.

>>23524213
No, but I got very little sleep the night before cause I was so pumped on caffeine.
I just want to feel the caffeine high every time but it never works

I'm really bothered by the fact that I am a dork. I am not cool, relaxed, or down to earth. And I never will be perceived that way.
Yesterday my coworker, a woman, said "you are a dork" while smirking.
It's really painful to me how obvious my awkwardness is to everyone around me. To be out of tune and ridiculous in the eyes of others is painful. I catch so many smirks in my direction.
Those who take themselves the least serious get the most respect. But I know I can't be like that. I am too high strung and self conscious.

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I kind of like /his/ but I cannot stand going on it because of American apologism

I'm done with you freaks.

>>23524250
One of the best and happiest experiences of my life was flying from Acapulco to Chicago on a DC 10 that had only about 30 passengers on it, around mid December. Even before takeoff I took a window seat, and enjoyed the view the whole way. which was truly spectacular for the first hour and the last. The (chatty) captain almost seemed to read my mind, and took us directly over the North Loop twice, at about 8000 feet, on a course that also afforded views of the city from 20 miles out into the comparatively inky black of Lake Michigan at night. Odd thing is that I live now where some of the most vivid and subtle night views are from that flightpath, the grid almost preposterously delicate, individual cars here and there, winding their way across light reflective snow.

>>23524404
It's sad, because dorks like us get conditioned to adopt a defensive posture from an early age with all the inevitability of the weather, and the same applies to the others who aren't high-strung. The only advice I can give you is let yourself feel this pain as deeply as you can, and to not be so mesmerized by the self-assurance of normies. They don't take themselves seriously in casual settings but when push comes to shove they're not so impressive. They're just less clenched than us. I hope you find peace.

>>23524427
>The only advice I can give you is let yourself feel this pain as deeply as you can,
Wdym?
>and to not be so mesmerized by the self-assurance of normies
I try sometimes I can almost mimic that self assurance if I get into a groove, but I can't stand the feeling of eyeballs on me. I feel like a glance pierces through me.
I once took an order at my job and the entire time the lady seemed to be giggling at me and I couldn't think what was so funny. Was it my appearance, something off about my mannerism or speech? I really don't know but I hate when people think I'm too stupid to notice

Song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLxsu8d3IQI

>>23524451
Feel the pain so it inspires you to make a drastic change. Don't spend a decade coping with palliatives like drugs and vidya. By change I don't mean the gym or approaching girls in public. I mean quitting your job or fucking off to a monastery or signing up for the peace corps or just checking out entirely or whatever. A normal life is not an option for us.

>I once took an order at my job and the entire time the lady seemed to be giggling at me and I couldn't think what was so funny.
I've been there.

>>23524451
As someone who doesn't really have this problem, my advice (that you've probably heard plenty) would mostly just be that for most people it's less "self assurance" and more "not giving a shit", both in terms of how they perceive others and themselves. People don't give even close to as much of a fuck about you as you think, and they come off with confidence largely because they do things unthinkingly. Really getting your head around this won't solve all your problems, but it can really help with the anxiety of just talking to people.

>>23524459
>A normal life is not an option for us
Being an awkward weirdo does not mean your life is over, but being a bitter and spiteful awkward weirdo sure makes your chances a lot worse.

We're going to have a Golden Age of Global Islam that will need correction via World War Crusades.

>>23524478
>it's less "self assurance" and more "not giving a shit", both in terms of how they perceive others and themselves. People don't give even close to as much of a fuck about you as you think,
That's mostly what I meant--not caring what others think and being easy going.
I am not that person. I wish I could just not give a fuck, but I can't. I only ever feel like myself when I'm drunk. Otherwise I always feel detached somehow. When I drink I become real and alive briefly.
Everyone is natural and real but me. When I do anything I am conscious that I am doing this. When I stare I am conscious that I am staring at something. I am never just being, existing in the world, but rather am always perceiving some specific thing.

>>23524404
This black manager chick said to me, one day, "Long hair is definitely not you." Of course she was right, and while I felt a little hurt about it at the time, I promptly went with a shorter cut, to satisfactory effect all round. I used to be a kind of fashion bitch, but then as now I don't mind looking ridiculous, within obvious limits. I guess I'm pretty conservative when it comes to appearances, if less so when it comes to private taste.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oScFgLWqug4

>>23524493
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOnOn0xFe7o

>>23524486
Well, that on it's own is something to work on, but the first step I'd say is just accepting that you're that kind of person. It's not some terrible sin or anything, it just sounds like you're high strung and uptight, as some people are. It might sound counterintuitive, but accepting that you're an awkward weirdo and that that's ok will help a lot with being less awkward.

>>23524459
I'm making changes. I am back in school. And the job I have, while not great, is helping me in small ways to re-acclimate to socializing after a long period of isolation
I've considered making a big change. I had a commission in the military but I ended up backing out at the last moment. Idk if a career will really fix my issues. And I had my doubts about that kind of lifestyle.
Before that I lived out of my car for a long stretch for no reason at all. And I worked a job at a crisis center. I have had some interesting experiences but I haven't really grown as a person. I feel cut off from others. I haven't had a heartfelt conversation with a real person in so long

>>23522503
You say that but then you wont join a tribe

I hate tribal life. I want back to cyber warfare.

>>23524415
The rare times I fly there's always a sense of wonder that breaks through all my anxieties about it. On the landing to my hometown after a while away and seeing the lights of its endless sprawl, wondering how many of those places I've been to. I'm big into those little model towns, like the ones built around train sets, and seeing places from a plane is sort of like that. I always preferred those little z-scale sets too now that I think about it.

>>23521042
imagine life in China. You can't watch anything resembling a documentary in a calm mood, or without serious risk of arrest or execution..

It was a nice, sunshiney day.

The man blew his goddamn brains out.

The end

>tfw jannies deleted my whole post history because I said the n-word
all this work for nothing

>>23523785
>past 40
>doesn't know what a dumbphone is
I believe this anon >>23523769 is past 40, but not you. If you're trying to write to fake a character age, you should take notes.

Ow I hurt my ankle

>>23524805
Good.

I have a loser job

>>23521042
most of what you see online is designed to harm your ability to love your fellow human being, whether it's intentionally so or not.

>>23524993
Very true anon I'm glad you could see it..

>>23524993
Jokes on you, big internet, I've never been able to love another human, I've only ever pretended to to make them happy.

New: >>23525013
New: >>23525013
New: >>23525013

>>23524841

You are mistaken. The point is that where it really counts (culture, and the effects of technology on culture), all mobile phones are dumbphones, regardless of historical era, regardless of whether (or not) a given phone is a flip phone, a "feature" phone, a "smart" phone according to some technological standard, an iphone, etc, etc.