Please no genreslop or sad boy core in this thread it makes me sad

File: burgerbook.jpg (1.72 MB, 3062x1061)

1.72 MB JPG

Plz read

>>25445871
>I, or we, love hamburgers.
I was expecting a demonic possession story.
>"You're Thai, right?"
I laughed.

I usually dislike the lEt ThEm ImAgInE iT angle because I find it's often used to mask laziness, and I want to be told the story. but if there's a monster would you prefer to have its key features described to you in detail or implied with broad strokes?

What sounds better to you for example
I tell you "Eyes like empty sunken sockets, and deep in each one tiny green pin points like dying embers"
Or
You imagine "the way those little green lights stare out from the dark where her eyes should be"

>>25445984
>it's often used to mask laziness
yes

>What sounds better to you for example
>I tell you "Eyes like empty sunken sockets, and deep in each one tiny green pin points like dying embers"
>Or
>You imagine "the way those little green lights stare out from the dark where her eyes should be"
anon, I find it concerning that you don't realise you're describing two different things

106k words and the editing is driving me insane. Depression won’t let me edit or write, I wish I could get addicted to working hard

>>25445989
Please explain

>>25445871
Is the protag a Diver?

How do you write about something you don’t believe in like god or forgiveness?

>>25445984
I like describing things in detail, but not when it's going to slow the plot to a crawl.
Generally, on non-vital descriptions, unless I can both forward the plot and describe something, I forward the plot over descriptions.

File: GNU TP.png (337 KB, 320x482)

337 KB PNG

>>25446001
>Eyes like empty sunken sockets
"like" implies the eyeballs are still there, but sunken quite deep, and the "tiny green pin points like dying embers" refers to light reflected from irises
whereas
>little green lights stare out from the dark where her eyes should be
means, as I think you wanted, that this monster does not have eyeballs, but has tiny green lights inside empty sockets

may I suggest
>No eyes, just empty sunken sockets, but deep in each one tiny green pin points like dying embers

in answer to the original question, usually I prefer description, because 1) anons here lack description, and compound their white room syndrome with 2) purple prose when they do write. as if the two extremes are the only thing they are capable of doing.

that being said, in one paragraph of describing the monster, it's good to throw in one fancy line to show off your prose, make it all less boring, and crucially, to build suspense and tension, climaxing in the reveal of the most horrifying element
hence applied to your case, what I would like is one (1) descriptive paragraph of the monster, detailing its features in simple, un-purpled language, and then
>little green lights stare out from the dark where her eyes should be

this is a hallmark of Lovecraft's writing. for example,
>The caller had on one of Edward's overcoats—its bottom almost touching the ground, and its sleeves rolled back yet still covering the hands. On the head was a slouch hat pulled low, while a black silk muffler concealed the face. As I stepped unsteadily forward, the figure made a semi-liquid sound like that I had heard over the telephone—"glub ... glub"—and thrust at me a large, closely written paper impaled on the end of a long pencil.
>...
>When they came I had been taken upstairs to bed, but the—other mass—lay where it had collapsed in the night. The men put handkerchiefs to their noses. What they finally found inside Edward's oddly-assorted clothes was mostly liquescent horror. There were bones, too—and a crushed-in skull.

>>25445984
you got it wrong both times

>>25445871
>Ralph shrugged his shoulders
You can just say "Ralph shrugged"
>"I think they add too much sauce."
unless you want him to sound especially pensive, you can just write, "they add too much sauce."
>"The buns are way too dry, the lettuce rotten, the tomatoes sour, the meat gross, and the cheese unmelted!"
You can instead write, "Dry buns, rotten lettuce, sour tomatoes, gross (perhaps a different adjective like nasty or old) meat, and unmelted cheese!"
>...droplets of sauce splattered around the table."
I think you added an extra quotation mark there
>...you chose *Best Burger*!"
You should also italicize the exclamation point
>Parker's eyes grew as large as he was loud.
I get the parallel you're going for here, but it didn't read smoothly to me--as in, I needed to reread the sentence a few times to understand what the comparison was. Perhaps you're looking for "Parker's eyes grew to match his volume."
>I nodded in agreement.
You can just say "I nodded" or "I agreed." There's no reason to believe a nod wouldn't imply agreement.

I don't think you need the first paragraph at all. You can infer all of its information from everything else on the first page: their dissection of the burger quality demonstrates an expertise/love for burgers, their preferred preparation is already directly mirrored in Dong's complaint, and overall dissatisfaction is painted in every line. The exposition is redundant and doesn't set up the conflict any better than the preexisting dialogue.

Introducing five characters on page one is very challenging. Introducing five characters of similar age, gender, culture, speech cadence, attitude, and motivations on page one is approaching impossible, especially with dialogue with multiple breaks between quotes during the same character's line. Although it is a very natural scene for a script, it's significantly more difficult to follow in book format; I didn't even know there were five people in this scene until I went back and counted the names. Unless it's absolutely necessary for the plot, I'd cut out at least one, recommending two. If you're gonna keep all five, give them more space on the page before bouncing rapidly between them. Let one or two engage in an extended dialogue, then introduce one or two more characters in another distinct dialogue. On a first read, the dialogue read very clear and motivated. Trying to track who said what when and where was a tribulation. It's a complicated tangle that only you, the webweaver, are comfortable with so far. The reader walks through it, tearing it apart, or gets caught in it and stopping. The navigation is difficult.

And personally, I'm not convinced that finding a good burger is an intricate enough plot to justify writing a whole book on it. Perhaps there are some deeply rooted character ideals in their love for burgers, but I didn't find them. I struggled to see a reason to care about high schoolers complaining about a shitty burger joint.

Nonetheless, good prose.

File: Pepes.jpg (15 KB, 381x345)

15 KB JPG

>>25446057
>>Ralph shrugged his shoulders
>You can just say "Ralph shrugged"
I disagree because shrugging your shoulders is different from shrugging your arms or shrugging your hands.

That being said if your characters only shrug their shoulders, "shrugged" is good enough.

File: Screenshot 2026-04-03 002545.png (92 KB, 219x215)

92 KB PNG

>>25446063
research the definition of "shrug" and get back to us on your findings

File: Pepeglyph.png (18 KB, 750x616)

18 KB PNG

>>25446071
>you have to be literal with your word meanings
>as a "writer"

>>25446063
people know what shrugging is. meanwhile I have no idea wtf shrugging your hands is

File: 1680209918762392.png (970 KB, 781x694)

970 KB PNG

>>25445984
its so much more amusing your vitriol against some fundamental of writing that you have completely misunderstood. Both passages are examples of "over-telling". The way lean writing would really work is:

"(character reacts)
Dim lights glowed in the underbrush. Character gripped the wall, trembling, watching the green glint feverishly. Character pressed hard against the something wall, taking one step back, then another."

1. you establish a moment of horror
2. you establish something thats not supposed to be there
3. using action, and/or established character traits, you imply a sense of danger

Point is, too much information kills tension, because its not the point of why you are writing. Get to the point, get to the action.
And no, "lEt ThEm ImAgInE iT" has nothing to do with laziness. Its a basic principle in writing: permitting the reader to use his imagination is engaging the reader. Verbal diarrhea is distraction. The less writing you do the better in all cases. The sign of a great writer is one who elicts much vision and emotion with the fewest words. Not to mention it respects the reader's intelligence and time.

I would be a new kind of entitled to believe the audience needs to slog through my long winded drivel, just because I need them to see exactly what I see. If you were skilled enough, you don't need to waste space doing that.

File: Pepeglyph 2.png (19 KB, 750x616)

19 KB PNG

>>25446082
>I have no idea wtf shrugging your hands is
Sounds like a you problem.

>>25446081
>>25446090
you are the liberal who says women work at oil rigs

File: Be radical.png (115 KB, 500x720)

115 KB PNG

>>25446091
>you are the liberal

>>25446090
I have no idea what that childs drawing is supposed to represent but if you mean "raising" hands then you just say "raising hands". If you don't want to have to explain it is an action done to express confusion or blitheness, then just "shrugged"

Its really not that complicated. I have met many aspiring authors who get hung up on not knowing the exact word for a specific body movement. Good writers never get bogged down by that, just relax dog, its not that important

File: Pepe ok.png (54 KB, 832x800)

54 KB PNG

>>25446102
>I have no idea what that childs drawing is supposed to represent

File: SmartSelect_20260805_0152(...).jpg (210 KB, 1002x1117)

210 KB JPG

>>25446039
I see
I'll need to give this a lot of consideration because it happens at the very beginning of the story. It's a short story not a novel so the hook is the monster in pursuit of the character from the jump
The entire plot is the cat and mouse between them
And the intention in my mind was empty sockets with lights. More similar to this vibe
>>25446014
I'm trying to just do it once so the reader can gets the picture in their mind, so when events take place later not as much exposition is needed
>>25446040
D:
>>25446087
I'm being humble bro, but I just feel like if the character is running from and eventually attempting to fight with a creature I owe it to the folks at home to know what they're looking at
I'm not trying to be fruity, I just want to give the people what they came for

>>25446063
>>25446081
You can't shrug your hands, just like you can't blink your ears. Retarded frogposter.

>>25446107
>It's a short story
Yeah definitely don't bog it down with a description. Sprinkle details in when they become relevant.
Dickless Bore wants to do camera writing, but THINKING from a camera perspective is a good trick. What would the camera capture at any given moment? Filter it through human perspective.

If you are looking at a woman across the table, nothing in particular is happening at the moment, and she's making your dick harden, you will probably look at her and think that she has a really cute smile, or massive fucking tits.

If a massive monster is about to snap its maw on your head and you are wondering where did your life go wrong to end up in a situation like that, you will probably not think that the monster is big and strong and muscular like it came straight from a milking farm.
You'll think "oh, teeth".

>>25446118
I can clap your cheeks you fucking homo.

>>25446107
>the intention in my mind was empty sockets with lights
I know
>I'll need to give this a lot of consideration
Consider this:
>"Eyes like empty sunken sockets, and deep in each one tiny green pin points like dying embers"

which "like" is metaphorical, which "like" is literal, and why is there a difference in the same sentence?

>>25446127
I see what you mean, it's because I'm writing this from the head space of the character
There very well could be eyes back there but if there are he can't see them
So as the one above all I'm privy the details, but wrote it as though I saw a Spook and was describing it to you, I didn't intentionally mean for it to be confusing metaphors.

>>25446120
I don't know if it makes a difference that the tense is going to change mid way, it starts with recounting and ends what happens presently

>>25446162
>it starts with recounting and ends what happens presently
The key point doesn't change. I wouldn't describe anything in detail unless he got to see the monster, and even then, it's possible to misremember things.

File: 1623086668215.png (329 KB, 736x960)

329 KB PNG

>wrote over 800 words tonight
>finished a major section
>am on the verge of finishing a book of the story

Feeling very accomplished, lads.

we're reading, and widely. we're writing what we know. we're killing all our darlings, and not telling 'cause we show.

>>25446162
I fucking goddamn hate Chrome, it fucking swallowed a longer post
Anyway, forgive the terseness but TLDR
>So as the one above all I'm privy the details, but wrote it as though I saw a Spook and was describing it to you, I didn't intentionally mean for it to be confusing metaphors
I see
So there are 3 issues here really
1) an accidental literal vs metaphorical "like". Replace with "as if" or describe the face as shadowy and concealed, which I think many authors do (Tolkien amongst them)
2) leaving yourself room to correct an unreliable narrator
And
3) the general level of description as originally asked

Writing is about precision and emotion both. To accurately describe what the character sees in such a way that the reader can see it too.

>Robert Jordan saw them there on the slope, close to him now, and below he saw the road and the bridge and the long lines of vehicles below it. He was completely integrated now and he took a good long look at everything. Then he looked up at the sky. There were big white clouds in it. He touched the palm of his hand against the pine needles where he lay and he touched the bark of the pine trunk that he lay behind. Then he rested as easily as he could with his two elbows in the pine needles and the muzzle of the submachine gun resting against the trunk of the pine tree.
>...
>As the officer came trotting now on the trail of the horses of the band he would pass twenty yards below where Robert Jordan lay. At that distance there would be no problem.

>>25446162
Found it

>Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits.
And then
>As Frodo drew near be threw back his hood, showing a shaggy head of dark hair necked with grey, and in a pale stern face a pair of keen grey eyes. "I am called Strider," he said in a low voice.

So that is one way to describe a character whose features cannot at first be fully seen, and then reveal further detail later.

>>25446313
>>>Robert Jordan saw them there on the slope, close to him now, and below he saw the road and the bridge and the long lines of vehicles below it. He was completely integrated now and he took a good long look at everything. Then he looked up at the sky. There were big white clouds in it. He touched the palm of his hand against the pine needles where he lay and he touched the bark of the pine trunk that he lay behind. Then he rested as easily as he could with his two elbows in the pine needles and the muzzle of the submachine gun resting against the trunk of the pine tree.

wtf is this dogshit I thought it was meant to be a parody

The big pile of pine needles contained needles that were made of pine, from a pine tree, sharpened, and needlelike, and made of a pinelike material that was shaped into needles made of pine that were all needly and piney.

And there are some big white clouds in the sky I guesssssssss.

File: tumblr_o66quaFPMu1u7irvzo1_500.png (201 KB, 500x630)

201 KB PNG

>>25446200

File: Michael.png (1.07 MB, 5100x6599)

1.07 MB PNG

Thoughts?

>>25446386
What have you read recently?

>>25446398
Moll Flanders, and Arthas.

>>25446057
Thanks editor sama

File: 1538709178451.png (48 KB, 143x162)

48 KB PNG

Bros... Sometimes I get so excited to finish my first draft that I forget how much I HATE draft 2 and beyond

>>25446013
Research. Otherwise, write what you know.

>>25446483
Really? I have the opposite problem. Completing the first draft is an agonizing chore. Once it's done, I can edit and tweak freely until I don't know how to make it any better. Then I ship!

>>25446013
Simple. You make fun of it and strawman everyone who believes in things you don't believe.

>>25446565
I think I tend to wizz through my rewrites in chronological order, rather than taking my time with each chapter as it needs. Like refreshing a page over and over, hoping that it will suddenly load perfectly. It's like as I get closer to the goal, I get more and more impatient.

Haven't added a chapter to my shitty AO3 fanfic in almost a year IT'S SO OVER

>>25445706
It's time for me to do research for my book!
(read books in my favorite genre for 6 hours)

man, every single post ITT has been stupid. you niggas fuckin suck!

>>25446775
We're not here for your entertainment. You sound like a passive reader, not a writer.

File: images.jpg (27 KB, 678x452)

27 KB JPG

How do people write stream of consciousness?

I try to write a short story every other day, and though I experiment with styles a lot, stream of consciousness is the one that goes against every artistic instinct I have. I've seen the advice thrown around that you should just free-write (basically writing from the heart and never looking back), but I keep coming back to that quote, "Easy writing makes for damned hard reading." That's exactly how I feel when I go back and read what I've written in this style. I get that there's real effort in stripping away the unimportant stuff, but seriously, how do you actually write stream of consciousness well?

Before anyone asks, yes, I've read Faulkner and Woolf. But I want the advice to be practical, so I'm hoping for something better than
>go read X

Here's a part of what I've written in this style:
>I looked around, and there was nothing to see; down I went upon all fours, and my heart, at the sound of that loud wailing noise the creatures above me made, began to beat faster than I could steady it, so that I found myself looking up again and again, wondering whether one of them had marked me where I crouched, or whether, not having marked me, one might still come wading through that hallway without hurry or purpose, and kill me all the same, for it would cost them nothing; and upon feet that would not hold steady I stood, unable to go past two feet in any direction without my eyes narrowing against what might be waiting there, and without the fear rising in me of whatever lay beyond what I could see.

>>25444285
We are waiting.

>>25446779
none of you sound like writers. sound like you need a phone-book upside your head and then tossed into a padded cell.

File: 3f5.jpg (19 KB, 600x501)

19 KB JPG

>>25446782
1. i do free writing with a topic, ill think of something i want to write about, like death, or love, or anything. and then ill sit down and write what pictures or scenes come up in my head

2. i dont think of words, i think of pictures/movies and write down the pictures

3. when im done i edit, i change words, delete things, rearrange the sentences

its that shrimple

File: 1785802219081348.png (193 KB, 447x447)

193 KB PNG

https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/176028/the-chemical-divorce/chapter/3773697/curtain-call

New section is up. I like the NDE part, personally. Let me know what you think

>>25446782
the nature stream of consciousness is meant to be similar to how someone thinks, right? its pretty normal for people to interrupt their own thoughts or to think one thing and then contradict themselves right after.
when and where this happens is kind of dependent on the character themselves so it might help for you to model the psychology of the narrator or get an idea of their shortcomings and misunderstandings, their passions and interests first. like what they would ignore or instinctively focus on

Does /wg/ enter literary contests?

I submitted a short story for the first time recently and I don't expect to win because it's not that great and there are a lot of participants. However, it made me look into other contests out of curiosity and I'm legit gobsmacked by the amount of shit getting prizes and the amount of garbage authors in the juries.

One contest I saw gave 1st place to an instagram level text where you were supposed to read the first letter of each sentence. It read out "Help, I'm still alive".

Literally anything I've read in this thread is better than 90% of the winners I came across.

>>25447070
And that's why I don't enter literary contests.
I know I'm good enough, and they'll just award the prize to some jeet tranny writing about how oppressed xey were.

>>25447077
yeah, but you could win money, or something. Legend tells of a woman that entered every single contest/raffle she ever came across, playing the statistics game. She never had to pay for anything.

>>25447077
The last contest I entered I didn't expect to win, but I didn't expect what won to win either.

A baffling experience.

>>25447084
I've heard those too
for every actual one such person, there are thousands if not millions of others for whom it was a colossal waste of time

>>25447207
I imagine that it takes crazy dedication, and most people just can't follow through. I couldn't. Imagine the time and energy it would take.

File: 412~3.jpg (10 KB, 214x285)

10 KB JPG

>>25446787
I actually finished it but...

I didn't like how the review came out so I didnt post it. I'm in the middle of writing lyrics so I am very distracted and phoned in the last 3 exerpts so I can get back to work

>>25446386
what the fuck am I even looking at

>>25446775
thanks for keeping up the pattern faggot

>>25447251
based

>>25447286
nah that was a good post, he accurately read the (curry-scented) room.

>>25445871
Is this burger story seriously the only excerpt we have? Someone post theirs.

>>25446057
It's a story about influencers. I'm just using a burger as the catalyst. I'm aiming for a shorter story at about 50k words. A middle.school novel.

File: 69214136-skeleton-sitting(...).jpg (127 KB, 866x1300)

127 KB JPG

>>25445871
i patiently await the day anon posts something not written in 1st person

Fuck it. I finally realized I need to go somewhere other than my home office to get any writing done. I've made more progress in this revision from coffee shops the past few days than in weeks. Also, sometimes cute girls walk in and they're nice inspiration: some day when I'm published I'll have the self confidence to talk to them.

File: posting.jpg (2.26 MB, 4074x1093)

2.26 MB JPG

>>25447543
Just for you anon. I also got tired of posting chapter 1 all the time.

>>25447251
Any feedback is rare and welcome. Post what you got, come on, dont be a pussy. At the very least post your opinion of the excerpt 3, it was the best according to AI so that this whole exercise doesnt lead to nothing.

>>25447588
I never knew posts had a 3000 character limit

1 surreal courtroom
Theatrical writing. aka action at the start. But its not as bad as others.
i dont know what shit author is inspiring anons to spam run on sentences, but you really need to stop.
Things are happening, which is a good sign. I always appreciate stuff moving in a story. ok amount of establishing sentences, not being dragged along is nice. descriptions for the characters are kinda confusing in terms of what they are supposed to be but whatever.
so far its actually ok, if its an exerpt.

Review of Clanker anal sis
Strengths: seems like it just pulled "surreal" from the prompt, because there isn't any emphasis on the courtroom being surreal, just the characters in it. "confident atmosphere" compared to what? unconfident atmosphere? LLM drivel.
Weaknesses: its more interesting to me it didn't use the term "run on sentence". "too many competing oddities" ???? it states "dialogue becomes generic" but there isn't enough dialogue to make context. the assessment is useless
Evidence: no idea what metrics it is using to assess "strong" but the examples it uses are not impressive on their own. it seems to take words out of context and superficially rate them on a level of algorithmic uniqueness
Verdict: just a bunch of random shit that means nothing. there isn't even enough content in the fucking exerpt to make an assessment anywhere near that absolute. It just picked some principle out of nothing and applied it to a surface level element that wasn't even that strong to begin with
Clanker score: 1/10 sucks to suck

>>25447631
I may have spent more time reviewing the LLM

2 coffee
Wow em at the start: gotta keep those ADD riddled brains reading somehow.
Full stops or commas would be preferable. Thats not how em dashes are used anyway.
neurotic and dramatic stream of consciousness narration going throughout the day. very cool very boring can't relate.
I normally don't like le modern relatable writing but I laughed when you did the virgin walk away from the barista.
in terms of a story it would be nice if there was one. none of the visuals or characters were used for anything and it just seems like you are writing what happened to you that day. But I still have to review it cuz it was on the clanker sheet.

Review of Clanker Anal sis
Strengths: sometimes the LLM review is funnier than the writing. "psychologically precise characterization" is what I would say if I were at a Davos summit and was describing what a neet was. I am assuming it is referencing the narrator and if so there was no character at all. "strong dramatic irony" no idea where it got that from. Strings of half contextual gobbledygook, hallmark of LLMs. designed for users to divine meaning from, like a horoscope. Don't ask me to explain its hallucinations like "jokes arise naturally" its like asking where does the 50 foot gorilla hide in your room. Answer: up my ass
Weakness: after it once again insisted there were jokes in the passage, it then went on to call them clumsy and self explanatory
Evidence: The gaze was strange, and other inane observations
Verdict: apparently this was a comedy, which is a stiffer read-in to my own assessment. it was also "controlled". do not inquire what that means to the LLM. It probably already forgot
Clanker score: 1/10 sucks to suck

>>25447633
For 3 I just said yep. its cool

3 dying shaman
its a... cool scene. yep. prett kewl dawg. yep. its aight... yep.
The perspective change is off, but that can be fixed by simply putting the entire section in quotes and removing the quotes within, to be read as an inner thought, rather than speaking out loud.

Review of Clanker Anal sis
Strengths: says its emotional and it progresses. I hope you don't pay for this thing. as if to spite itself, it picks "coherent" out of the pool of words.
Weakness: I get the dialogue is supposed to be melodramatic and probably a tiny bit of an archaic throwback, so grok here likely detected repetition and docked points. if only it detected its own repetitive diarrhea. The perspective change is the only point it has, but it doesn't offer any suggestions
Evidence: thats algorithmically POWERFUL. YEAH. Fuck off grok or whatever the fuck you are. fucking normie memes. LLM picks random bit and calls it amazing ok moving on
Verdict: it forgot to quote the passage in the verdict section. 30£ a month well spent
Clanker score: 1/10 sucks to suck

>>25447637
I started getting impatient here

4 metafictional ending
I think anon copied this one wrong. either way very theatrical. don't know the significance or what is happening. i would forgive it being so hammy if I knew the context. You can get away with a lot if you get the reader to care about the character and the story. or... about anything at all

Review of Clanker Anal sis:
Strengths: it got the ending wrong, it doesn't end with a comma, it ends with the "comma, The End" no idea wtf formal experimentation is. Ok from now on, why don't I just type NIWIGTF for No Idea Where It Got That From? is that OK??
Weakness: NIWIGTF. the LLM also seems confused at the similes
Evidence: it also doesn't get any context, which is expected. Apparently it can't formulate much without a certain amount of content first, except of course calling you a tryhard
Verdict: still have no idea wtf these assessment terms are its using like "controlled"
Clanker score: 1/10 sucks to suck

>>25447561
>4page chapter
Automatically shit

>>25447639
I wanna go to Wendys

5 Laura and the tablet
the dialogue's stiff. could use more focus on visuals like with body language and facial movement, subtle stuff. like, lean into the tension, the creepiness slash horror angle. then again I dont know if it is horror. also why reveal the bad guy got on the car now? would that not be a better reveal later? that would open you up to do all sorts of things in between like weird noises and shadows and shit

Review of Clanker Anal sis: im not reviewing this shit anymore I'm just repeating myself
6 the unexplained sound
kinda sounds like this got dumped from gluegun Translate. otherwise not grossly offensive, besides the odd and sometimes very odd word choice. but I get it. Its old style
7 laboratory dialogue
so sensational. your so baad dude. look at this dude everybody. aint he fuckin cool? so slick. such a bad bad dude
8 hollywood party
hello checkout aisle
9 Dick and the fluffer job
is this smut?

>>25447561
i was talking about /lit/ as a whole. Also are you switching from 1st person to 3rd in the same book?

>>25447695
No. It has always been 3rd limited

>>25447697
its very dramatic. its uh... pace is kinda all over the place and a lot of time is dedicated to internal musing. in terms of just everything here, not much of a set up to anything. stuff just kinda happens and I don't know what the focus is besides character mad

File: Screenshot 2026-08-05 193243.png (661 KB, 2106x1353)

661 KB PNG

i've been travelling a lot and writing this "journalistic" kind of travel essay. not sure what to do with these though...

>>25445984
For me it's about what sets the proper pace for the scene and how unique something is.

Like I don't need a detailed explanation of how some generic thug looks like in what should be a fast paced action scene. Stopping to explain what the thug looks like would kill the pace of a scene that should be cracking like a whip with a sense of urgency.

Meanwhile the monster that the whole story has been building towards and has haunted the narrative from page one all the way to the end of the story and is now at the climax finally revealed in all it's horrible glory. You bet I want the writer to spend a good amount of time describing the monster in vivid detail.

>>25446013
I use my imagination and mentally roleplay like it's a game.

Same way I write about most fictional things in a semi-believable way.

>>25446732
Maybe you have finally outgrowned fanfics and it's time to move on to writing original stuff.

>>25447640
Too long for you?

>>25447598
Anyone half decent realizes they don't need to post their stuff here as the quality of feedback is comically poor and the critics are hyper sensitive and egotistical to insane extremes.

So for anyone but newbies this place is just to shoot the shit, not a place to get input on their writing, and certainly not a place to entertain you.

>>25447773
No, but it does need stat screens. having something like
-----------------------------
+1 Skill: Throw Increased!
+1 Equip: Book Increased!
+1 Strength
+2 Dexterity
+1 Intelligence
+2 Constitution
-1 Mental Defense
-1 Luck

Obtained Item: Scroll
------------------------------------------


That would quicken the pace of the story, make it far more engaging, and actually give the protagonist growth, development, and stakes.

This screaming girl throwing books because her fiancé left her is stupid. Where'st he growth in this?

>>25447780
i can't tell if you are joking anymore

>>25447777
I don't care if someone disagrees with my critiques. Wtf do you expect anyway. this is the worst way to do writing workshops in the first place. submitting tiny pieces of your work without any context or trying to get your point across. we get little text boxes and most anons will never be that commited to helping or engaging with what you write on any meaningful level. The system itself just sucks

>>25447805
People submit tiny bits because nobody got the attention span to read anything longer than a page long in these threads.

Don't blame "the system" when it's the people who suck.

File: fldlh5ikdkhh1.jpg (155 KB, 720x936)

155 KB JPG

>>25447816
Read this then. Be the change you want to see.

>>25447816
I could look over everyone's shit if I wanted but I don't because every time I start typing a goddamn college thesis I get annoyed about how inefficient it is compared to if I was discussing it in person. if anon posts 1 or more pages, I never know the context, if there are other chapters, the prevailing theme, if there is a specific voice or narrative style. Its just strings of words I have to critique based on mostly assumptions, and most anons get upset at critique because of that.

What elements of the writing do you want people to focus on? You need nothing short of a spreadsheet to get any adequate critique, but most anons just post shit and go "what do you think?"

i dont fucking know, what do you want me to do with it? tell u muh vibezz?

>>25447842
>but most anons just post shit and go "what do you think?"
Because if they say literally anything else they get attacked for it.
Y'all complaining about people doing what they have been conditioned by this thread to do.
They only submit short bits because that is the only thing that will get a somewhat honest response. They say anything but "what do you think" because anything else offends the critics and makes them spend the rest of the thread and maybe two or three other threads in a rage over it.
Even in the OP it says not to post anything longer than can fit in a single post. So nothing longer than 3000 characters, with often even that being treated as too long.
Honestly the critics of this thread would probably be happier if this place had twitter's character limit and all writing samples were limited to 120 characters long.

>>25447833
Well, that was short. Action scenes usually keep going and going and going.

>>25446789
I don't consider you an expert in any worthwhile subject. Go seethe somewhere else.

>>25446782
Writing stream of consciousness is easy. Writing it well is irrelevant. Your first draft, no matter how you write it, is going to have quality problems. See >>25431956.
My outlines tend to start as stream of consciousness, more so when I try to fill out the details.

>>25447598
Then post your writing, and show us all how it's done. Until then, your input is not value-added.

>"[dialogue]," he lied.
Writingkino. Gets me every time

>>25448060
I like to do this and it makes you feel cool as you're typing it. My story's full of liars so it gets a fair amount of use.

File: Screenshot_20260721-215342~2.jpg (125 KB, 720x928)

125 KB JPG

>/wg/

File: 1785863035784054.png (222 KB, 1537x980)

222 KB PNG

>>25447368
since you ask, here's mine from late last thread

happy to accept all critique
especially from SF fans

>>25448060
I did it too

>>25447561
>Victoriya grabbed a heavy tome and hurled it across the room; her hands found another and sent it after the first.
It might be an inevitable pattern when making first drafts, but feeling the need to say a character picked something up before using it is usually superfluous and doesn't enhance the significance of the action. You can reduce this to "Victoriya hurled a heavy tome across the room. Then another."

Holy shit, Amazon really wants me to return my ruined author copy they left out in the rain in their paper packaging. They will literally just throw it out the way I am. We'll see if I actually go out of my way to return it and get my 6 bucks back.

>>25448201
I haven't and won't read anon's work because it hasn't been sold to me but based on this post alone you're full of it. The quote you posted has a visceral quality utterly lost in your destructive "edit."

>>25448122
moron master race

>>25448060
Feels like telling instead of showing.

I decided to quit telling instead of showing so I deleted all the words in my story and drew a comic instead

>>25448219
I just use ai, friend!

>>25446779
>You sound like a passive reader, not a writer.
damn you fucking bodied that fool

>>25447762
Essays usually have a thesis statement or main idea in the first paragraph. This, instead, describes a series of events with no clear beginning or destination. It feels like you dropped the reader in the middle of a novel with no context. I hope these aren't meant to be the first words the reader sees

>>25448210
>I didn't read it but you're wrong
cheers

>>25447762
This isn't an essay, this is a (presumably nonfiction) narrative. It's also way too aimless, wandering, and stream-of-conciousness for my great ape brain to hold an interest in. I started skimming and didn't finish it.

>>25448230
https://youtu.be/-QPJoRWz8Sc

>>25447833
present-time, close-perspective action constantly interrupted by broad-stroke historical exposition? The narrative voice is pretty all over the place. It'd be fine if you did it maybe once every few pages but this is egregious. Who the fuck brings up art history in the middle of a battle? Is your narrator autistic or ADHD?

>>25448219
it may surprise you to know thats not good for comics either

>>25445984
Personally, I don't like wasting time on shit that doesn't matter. I think there's a big difference between describing things poorly and choosing not to describe shit that's irrelevant.
Take character descriptions, for example.
Do I fucking NEED to know what kind of shoes the bastard is wearing, when it's not relevant? Hair color, eye color, face shape, hair style, how big their nose is, the cut of their shirt, pants, their frame, how they move, etc.
Just tell me he's fat and dresses like a jabroni and move on. Even if you're capable of writing good descriptions, the shit you describe needs to be relevant for some plot, theme, character trait, etc. I hate when people describe shit just because they think literally every single detail in their imagination NEEDS to be on the page. If it doesn't matter what shoes they have on, just don't bother with it. It's not necessary for me to know, I'll conjure some generic footwear on my own in the vague abyss where all the other irrelevant bullshit goes. You don't need to kill your pacing to baby me like I'm a retard.

>>25448319
But you are retarded.
And everything doesn't need to be ultra fast action packed flash fiction.

>>25448381
>you either write at breakneck speed or you take 3 paragraphs describing something

You suck at everything and you should be ashamed of yourself

File: first page.png (266 KB, 610x1422)

266 KB PNG

>>25447543
first draft

>>25448468
well thats 3rd person. but your formatting is all fucked

>>25448453
Histrionic nonsense.

>>25448487
I accept your concession

>>25448498
Pointing out that you are mentally ill isn't a concession retard.

>>25448319
>Even if you're capable of writing good descriptions, the shit you describe needs to be relevant for some plot, theme, character trait, etc. I hate when people describe shit just because they think literally every single detail in their imagination NEEDS to be on the page.
Scathing criticism of Boor.

I'm stuck in a scene
maybe I need to mix things up or brute force it

File: 1532183072923.jpg (1.07 MB, 4332x3990)

1.07 MB JPG

96,000 words. About to tentatively start on draft 2. Should I just pick at the bits I'm not happy with? Go through systematically? Or what exactly? Completely rewrite every scene?

Somebody please critique me.

>>25448764
Do a reverse outline to see if each scene is doing what it needs to. This helps diagnose any structural issues in the plot as well.

Another tip is to run it through a TTS and listen to it while you read the text to hear for various issues like clunky sentences, unintentional repetition, errors, etc.
Might help you spot issues you would miss just reading it alone. I do this when I am doing major editing sessions. I swear by it.

>>25448780
You need to brush your hair.

>>25448805
Okay.

Since empathy is so important for people wouldn’t it be moral to instill empathy on the wicked? Like a killer should see his family killed. Or a thief robbed of their possessions and forced to live off the charity of others?

>>25448830
>Like a killer should see his family killed
Brother, what?

>>25448830
vengeance is apathetic
forgiveness is empathetic

>>25448830
You can't instill empathy in people—sociopaths and psychopaths exist. Also, your viewpoint is called "an eye for an eye".

File: Gilbert and Sullivan.png (86 KB, 522x966)

86 KB PNG

>>25448851
>your viewpoint is called "an eye for an eye".
worse than that, it is punishing the innocent for the crimes of the guilty for no reason
they're not even like enemy civilians in a war as enemy civilians arguably might be supporting the war effort by working in factories and so on

>>25448830
>wouldn’t it be moral to instill empathy on the wicked?
to attempt to teach, yes
but that's not what you're talking about
you're talking about letting the punishment fit the crime
you might not have realised it but your objective and your method are actually 2 different things

>a killer should see his family killed
not fair on the family
>Or a thief robbed of their possessions
yes, that's called a "fine"
>and forced to live off the charity of others?
and that's called "prison"

>>25448844
Well if he was okay with doing it to others then he should be fine with seeing it done to his family, right? And if it turns out he doesn’t like that then maybe he now knows how his victims and their loved ones feel.
>>25448849
It’s not vengeance. It’s teaching empathy. This should lead to a kinder society.
>>25448851
Exactly! If you take someone’s eye then you should lose yours to know how that feels.

>>25448865
>not fair on the family
So? The murderer wasn’t fair to his victims. He needs to understand the pain that causes.

>>25448867
An eye for an eye leaves us all blind.

>>25448867
you can't teach empathy to people who lack it
we lock up criminal sociopaths for a reason

>>25448873
then if you wish to be unjust in return to the murderer, you need to be unjust to the murderer ALONE and not unjust to his family as well
explain why you think the family should pay the penalty of being killed for crimes which they might not even have known about, and probably were powerless to prevent

>>25448875
only if we are all murderers, in which case, we deserved it

>>25448867
>>25448873
>killing innocent people will make a kinder world
This is the stupidest fucking opinion I've ever read on this godforsaken site.

>>25448875
It’s cute that you’re quoting Gandhi. Try having a thought of your own someday. How about this: if it leads to a blinded society then maybe that’s what the society deserves.
>>25448876
If they’re so hopeless then why not just execute them? At least I’m offering an attempt at rehabilitation.

>>25448883
plenty of countries have the death penalty

>>25448883
>If they’re so hopeless then why not just execute them?
we should, in many cases

>>25448881
>then if you wish to be unjust in return to the murderer, you need to be unjust to the murderer ALONE and not unjust to his family as well
Explain how the murderer’s victims deserved to be killed.
>>25448882
I understand it’s scary for a dullard like you to be confront by ideas greater than “be gay.” Or whatever they teach kids in cartoons these days.

>>25448889
>Explain how the murderer’s victims deserved to be killed.
Irrelevant.
It's unjust to inflict injustice as a punishment; that would render justice, well, unjust.

>>25448867
But what about his family, anon? Now they have been murdered for no reason. If your brother committed a crime, and to punish him they put you to death, how would you feel about it?

>>25448889
If you need to have it explained to you why innocent people don't deserve to die for the actions of another, then you are literally dumber than a 3 year old. I legitimately hope that you're trolling. Don't fucking respond to me.

File: gorge.png (814 KB, 504x565)

814 KB PNG

I finished a massive project, which started as my first crack at travel / gonzo-lite reporting. It's a real story of course. Originally released it in four parts, I compiled the whole thing here:
https://verticalman.substack.com/p/blood-sweat-and-chalk-the-full-climb

I've been kind of in a haze since I published it. Lot of my identity was wrapped up in the whole thing.

File: Screenshot_20260806_11375(...).jpg (601 KB, 1080x1765)

601 KB JPG

>>25446885
I think presenting Hell as a dysfunctional theater production where the devil is the stage director was a pretty cool and original idea, but someone else may have done this before that I'm unaware of

>>25448956
>someone else may have done this before
that doesn't matter. it is a cool idea, so use it.

>>25448956
>Hell as a dysfunctional theater production where the devil is the stage director was a pretty cool and original idea, but someone else may have done this before that I'm unaware of
in Sandman, Hell is turned into an impromptu variety theatre for the duel between Dream and the demon who stole his gadget

not hell, but the "dream as a theatre production" metaphor has been used in Sandman, Inside Out, and Calvin & Hobbes

just go with it

>>25448966
didn't know about the Sandman connection but The Chemical Divorce was originally supposed to be a comic book inspired by Gaiman so that makes sense

>>25448830
Knowing that posts like these are unironic makes me wonder if we shouldn't just wipe humanity out.

where the fuck do I start, I'm so retarded.

File: file.png (2.35 MB, 937x1440)

2.35 MB PNG

>>25448970
found the page
anyhow, go for it. it's an interesting metaphor and can't be much worse than Dante's fanfic

>>25448972
if you can't start at the beginning, start in the middle

File: 1550599546683.gif (2.96 MB, 576x324)

2.96 MB GIF

>>25448972
Top left, bud

>>25448781
I think my problem right now is: I can't tell if my edits are better or worse than before. I mean they could be, or they could just be adding bloat.

I might be too autistic to write dialog

>>25447833

Show don't tell sweaty

File: 1766899501422331.jpg (97 KB, 791x861)

97 KB JPG

>>25449124
DIALOGUE***
YOU FUCKING STINKY INDIAN
NO YOU'RE NOT A WRITER
YOU AND YOUR 82 IQ KINDLY GTFO

>>25447561
This is pretty good. Can you post chapter 1?

>>25447561
Boor is pretty good. Annoying as shit, but he can write

File: Screenshot_1.png (137 KB, 1138x638)

137 KB PNG

Any impressions are welcome. It's just one excerpt.

>>25449547
NJB wrote Dark Triad and King of L.A. not that fag shit

>>25448505
no argument. You lose

>>25449678
Oh, OK, in that case Boor can't write

>>25449222
>William Safire has predicted the demise of -ue forms:
>“Note the lack of a u in . . . [what] most of us would until recently spell [read have spelled] as demagoguing. But we live in a non-U world; just as catalogue and dialogue have been dropping their ue endings, so too will demagogue soon enough be spelled demagog, with its gerund demagoging.” William Safire, “On Language,” N.Y. Times, 21 May 2000, § 6, at 28, 30. For now, the traditionalist will continue to use the -ue forms—and their disappearance, if Safire is right, will be gradual enough that no one will get all agog over it.

>>25449798
NJB revealed this board to be nothing more than a bunch of sissified sad boy brownoids
>>25449821
i predict (Your) demise

>>25449859
Booring boy ran away the moment I called him out. KWAB.

File: Screenshot 2026-08-06 194700.png (102 KB, 1917x871)

102 KB PNG

What do you anons think of this?

>>25449727
You also don't have a argument therefor you by default lose by your own stupid standards.

>>25446386
yeah this is solid, please keep going. do not go back and revise anything, just go.

rate my short story:
Cast your gaze unto the brownoid she-man and watch as the sacred ritual of their pubescent elders begins. In the dark of this Manhattan alley's filth the cries of a wicked baby reverberates throughout this incandescent night.
Winnifred, their shaman, holds the child with long, atrophied fingers, those painted nails chipped and flaking like the side shingles of a home in Tornado Alley. Her pleather mask and harnesses and buckles, like the great Rust Belt, chipped and flaking like the side shingles of a home in Tornado Alley. Her ashen skin, porous like volcanic stone, chipped and flaking like the side shingles of a home in Tornado Alley.
First, the shaman must drink and smoke from sacred herb and tincture. A bellyful of a foul fermentation, her breath heavy laden with thick ambrosial vapour. These offerings given by the initiate only known as Michele, the mother. It is her rite, for what must be done.
"Sheeit, chile, you tellin' me that this heeuh bay-beh done funcked up yo' shit and you aksin' me to killa? Girl, you wylin'."
"Ain' tha' righ', twi'!"
Lastly, the shaman rolled the maleficent infant underneath the dumpster like a tornado barreling down Tornado Alley. Strike.

>>25448972
>>25448990
This. The OP is full of advice for writers of all skill levels.

>>25449923
very good. Much better than many writers here. Very remanencent of victorian writers.

>>25450189
>very reminiscent of victoria
no need to get insulting

File: peachmom.jpg (90 KB, 680x665)

90 KB JPG

>>25445706
It's not fair that I'm not a nepo baby.

File: 1601090477211.png (344 KB, 575x680)

344 KB PNG

>>25450233
It's not fair that I'm not a part of the ruling minority.

>>25450043
Nope. you selectively ignored my post and claimed I have no argument. try again

>>25448780
you smell

>>25449586
So, I understand what you're going for. Shy guy, stuck in his head, fixating on his senses, maybe a little overwhelmed by the chaos.
I think it's a solid concept, and relatively solid execution of the concept, because I can tell the sentences I'm reading are happening for a reason.
That said, I think the flaw of the execution is that it's too filtered, a little too blow-by blow. For it being a little too filtered, I'll point at an example sentence: "What he noticed, all at once, was the silence in his own apartment, a silence that came from no one but himself."
Too fixated on it being his perspective, his apartment. The narration is already implied to be from his perspective, you don't need to belabor it. Here's how I'd edit it: "A silence filled the apartment, with no source other than himself."
Shorter, sweeter, conveys the information you want, but doesn't require the reader to pass through the sensory gate of being reminded that it's the perspective character noticing these things.
When you get into these kinds of internal scenes, your priority should probably be how to convey these very internal, mental reveries while still maintaining a sense of "presence."
The character is hyper-fixated on sensory details; he's really there. You want the reader to be in the same mindset, like they're fixating on those sensory details as well. Reminding them that it's *his* senses breaks that.
In short, reduce the filter words. We don't need to be reminded of the exact PoV for every piece of info, we know the PoV. And increase the activity, active voice. The silence isn't *in* the apartment, it *fills* the apartment. You need to add a sense of motion and occurrence.

File: 1614408479812.png (243 KB, 454x456)

243 KB PNG

>ask friend for his opinion on my new short story
>they start reading it out loud

>>25449891
>haha i trolled and annoyed the only good writer on /lit/ and he left the thread!!
uh, congrats?

>>25450768
>and he left the thread
You're still bitching here so apparently not.
You just know your place as a victim now.
Never post AIslop again. If you want to shill, be humble about it.

File: 54364265634.jpg (328 KB, 960x1072)

328 KB JPG

>>25450769
or option B - you could suck my long German cock until you cry tears of joy.

>>25450769
>You're still bitching here so apparently not.
A palpable hit.

>>25450774
>N.J. Boor
>is a boor
who wrote this shit

File: KofLA Don Corleone.jpg (262 KB, 832x1248)

262 KB JPG

>"writer"
>brown and <90 IQ
who comes up with this shit??

File: 1782018917923173.png (740 KB, 810x1080)

740 KB PNG

>American English

Herbert considered asking the Lady’s name, but decided not to. The mystery created a chunk of the appeal, he thought. Though she could have been named anything and still been appealing. She did not ask Herbert’s name.
Wine, wine; rebirth of Dionysus, or Bacchus, being in Rome-lite: Bacchus, I drink your wine, I stand before a beautiful maenad, I a satyr, let us carouse.
Carouse they did. Revelling in red wine the pair drank and spoke and laughed. No TV, no distraction. It was all life. All life bubbling and flowing inside Herbert, a warm current of honey and nectar. All life flowing from the Lady, cheerful conduit, crowblack-haired goddess. They drank and they laughed. All life. As drinks were refilled, seats gotten up from and re-sat-down on, the pair gradually edged closer and closer to one another, closer and closer over a few hours, until within touching distance. They needed a new bottle of wine. The Lady made to stand up, but looked at Herbert; right in the eyes, and, Herbert knew, made an offering, a test of sorts, a trial. Herbert swallowed and the eel fell unconscious. Herbert lightly grabbed the Lady’s cheek and kissed her.
How long, how long since such a connection, since such a moment? The warmth. Molten lead hardened and became gold; solid gold liquefied and became molten lead. Alchemical lover! My tincture, elixir of life, this is my albedo…
The Lady pulled away and smiled. She extended her hand and Herbert took it with no hesitation. She led him slowly out of the room, past the philodendrons, cacti, snake plants, strings of pearls, Boston ferns, and into the dim corridor. Heart thrumming. Her hand so light, a blackbird’s feather. How goes the blackbird at its song, singing, chirping, mellifluous intonations into the evening air. They reached the bedroom and went inside.
The bed at the far end of the room. A thin one, single-bed, post carved of living oak? The Lady made her way over and sat down on the bed, beckoning to Herbert. The eel was unconscious… Herbert walked over. A pull.
It was as if it was meant to happen, pre-ordained: Fury-ratified, always was going to happen, perhaps always was and would be happening to. Destiny struck. Rightwise king of all England was crowned. Water follows the path of least resistance; electricity follows the path of least resistance; lovers enraptured follow the path of least resistance, indeed no resistance, such was the ease, the joy of it. A life dragged in the round bloodtorrent eschewed its role in the tragedy, shredded its lines grasping a new axis, orthogonal, rising up unbound, privy to the panoply beasts skirting the ouroboros; but for one engraved moment, removed, free in a peaceful genesis.
What was generated? Who can say. Laying on the bed, the pair, exhaling hard. All life. Some time passed–how much, who can say–before the Lady rose and dressed. Herbert did the same.
“Come on,” she said, “you need to catch your bus.”

File: 1Smg4.jpg (254 KB, 1312x784)

254 KB JPG

Boor means farmer in German, brown boy.
niggas talk shit while i plant and harvest.

>>25450807
And jeet means victory.

>>25450834
>victory
>victoria
everything's connected

>>25448780
Your post is perfectly readable but personally I prefer "someone" to "somebody"

How do I come up with oozing, evocative item descriptions, as if I'm a John Darksoul himself?

>>25451008
Wait so boor is the jeet that pretends to be German as she anally fucks him with an ivory dildo on the taj mahal? I need this story now.

>>25450807
>Boor means farmer in German
literally doesn't

File: 817fdd87a9742190f160673bc(...).jpg (89 KB, 480x476)

89 KB JPG

98000 words into my fantasy/scifi slop. Just fucking powering on with it. Had some good feedback. Fantasy intimacy seems to be so much harder than love interests set in the modern day.

File: 5462456236523.png (25 KB, 767x474)

25 KB PNG

>>25451087
go be retarded somewhere else, loser (mopping up the local 7-11 perhaps?).

>>25451225
bauer is german
boor isn't
even says so in your pic
idiot

File: f340f3172d76e2053497377dd(...).jpg (157 KB, 1200x900)

157 KB JPG

I'm writing a monster book, but I can't come up with good monsters without them being derivative and boring. Can I just steal monsters from pinterest? It's not like there will be illustrations for my book. Is that ethical? I'm not sure I care.

File: file.png (342 KB, 410x583)

342 KB PNG

hello I'm writing a story for a comic
in this story an old-man bandit descends from the mountains onto the village and he happens to steal fruits from the priest's garden; the priest insted of allerting the authorities (he's actually the villain of the story) choses to write him a short poem and in the climax of the story the bandit will reply with his own crass quatrain.
I'm not much of a poem writer so here's what I came up with so far
the priest quatrain, I tried my best to keep the syllables count to 10 each verse:
1- I am Alphonse Rosiver, man of God;
2- I pray for the little worm in my pear,
3- and yet they steal what my hands have sowed,
4- they will come to shoulder Heaven's Care.
the bandit quatrain so far:
1- I am the worm who is eating your pear
2-
3-
4- and fuck you father Alphonse Rosiver.
my questions are, what do you think of the priest's section? I'm really struggling on the bandit 2 and 3 verses since I always make it sound like r/atheism instead of an ignorant agropastoral thug, got any advice? also I came up with the name of the Priest so that the bandit can rhyme it with Pear in the last verse, did it rhyme well in your head the first time you read it? should I change the spelling or the name entirely?

File: Lv16G.jpg (222 KB, 1248x832)

222 KB JPG

>>25451233
it is the same root, that's why it's listed there. it also has Dutch origins (Boer farmers). i am German/Dutch and you are btfo again in your pointless room temp IQ argument.
nobody cares to discuss your lineage because it's buried under a massive pile of steaming shit.

>>25451367
>Boer farmers
you just said "farmer farmers"
boer is dutch for farmer
t. literally dutch living in the netherlands

you said "boor" is german and I corrected you
keep coping about roots
english and frisian share the same root
doesn't make it the same language

I don't get what's wrong with Boors writing. The subject matter isn't my taste, but I don't see anything fundamentally wrong with his writing. Maybe some different syntax but nothing so egregious I stopped reading
>>25447561

File: ghostscover2.jpg (189 KB, 400x600)

189 KB JPG

I need some feedback on my cover/blurb. I used the attached for the last week but I've only gotten 28 views on my first chapter with daily uploads. Retention is good, 20 out of 28 still there as of chapter 5, granted the numbers are so low that who knows.
Here's the blurb. I like it, but I like the cover, too, and I realize I'm not most people.

I’m guilty, of course, but not of the actual crimes I’m being charged with. I’m not, after all, a murderer or an insurrectionist, and neither was I complicit with the successful assassination of the Marquis and his eldest son, nor was I involved with the attempted insurrection, which never even got off the ground. But that final charge, sedition, is such a vague, catchall term. Who isn’t guilty, somewhere in their heart, of harboring those sorts of fanciful dreams, even if they’ll never cross into reality? Naturally, of that, I am unmistakably guilty.

I'm guilty of a lifetime of extraordinarily bad judgment, guilty of the simplest crime, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, guilty of friendly association with the person who did commit those murders, and who did attempt to commit the awful, unforgivable crime of making dreams into reality. I’m going to be punished, because the guilty deserve to be punished; that’s what I’ve been taught, and that’s what I honestly believe. But it would be a lie, more shameless and more egregious than my usual lies, if I try to claim that I’m not interested in making my own dreams, hidden deep inside my own heart, real, as well.

File: ghcover.jpg (197 KB, 400x600)

197 KB JPG

>>25451388
And here's the cute gril cover I just ginned up and slapped on to try and get more asses in seats. Better/worse? Is this what readers want to click on?

>>25451390
I think the mask should be higher. Hide everything but her eye

>>25451404
I tried. I really tried. I wanted half her face covered, like she was pulling it off to the side but comfyui was just not cooperating. It kept spitting out images with the bottom half of her face covered no matter how much I beat it with a stick.

>>25451372
ok pedantic language policia nobody gives a fuck, the facts are all the same, the name is German/Dutch and means farmer like I said it does.
i do apologize for confusing you with Ranjesh ITT, i love the Netherlands and want to visit one day soon.

>>25451417
fact: boor is not a german word

File: 4436543263642.png (33 KB, 732x279)

33 KB PNG

>>25451422
fact: it's fuckin weird you're this obsessed about it, but yeah wrong again, bucko.

File: image_2026-08-07_223412932.png (45 KB, 1130x217)

45 KB PNG

>>25451428
nta you're wrong

>a surname has to be an official "word" recognized in the fucking dictionary
i'm out of here. supreme faggotry on this site today good lord.

>>25451428
boer: a dutch word meaning farmer
bauer: a german word meaning farmer
boor: an english derivative meaning a rude person
in dutch boor means "drill"
in german it is not a word

these are simple facts
obviously a surname can have historic roots which has disappeared in modern usage, but that doesn't make it a valid word.
you said "Boor means farmer in German"
that is a false statement.
and it's weird that you seem resentful about this.

>>25451442
nobody said that. I corrected your earlier statement
obviously names don;t follow dictionary rules
moron

>>25451410
Oh well a.i. sucks

File: Jesus christ.jpg (77 KB, 887x1097)

77 KB JPG

>Fluffin' Boor can't handle the fact his name is an aptronym

>>25451509
The cover *is* shit.

>>25451390
Looks like Victoria book

>>25451428
>using an LLM generation as a citation
classic Boor, o im laffin

>>25451375
He writes screenplay-style prose. Screenplays aren't even meant to be read by the public.

>>25451410
lmao AI fags are so pathetic

File: Syrians_page-0001.jpg (995 KB, 1240x1755)

995 KB JPG

What do you anons think of this? It's not the beginning of anything longer just something short I wrote inspired by a video I saw.

>>25451854
>grammar issues in the first sentence
>run on
>complete nonsense
Garbage. Next.

>>25451854
Visage means a literal face or the expression on a face and is used incorrectly here. You can just say "face" since you mean the surface of the desert. I stopped reading there

>>25451854
The contrast between the blatant thesaurus abuse and the highschool level of grammar issues is unintentionally funny.

You need to go back to basics and focus on forming proper sentences instead of trying to impress people with word choice.

The most important step in writing fiction is to take your dick out of your pants. There is no other way to get yourself in the proper mood to write. The single most important step in freeing your mind is to free your body, and you cannot free your body unless you let your dick swing freely. You might feel embarrassed the first few times you whip out your dick at a coffee shop or a public library, but you shouldn't be. If you get any questions, just announce that you're writing fiction; then people will not only tolerate seeing your dick in public, they will respect you for it. Everyone recognizes that true creativity sometimes requires stretching the bounds of convention and taste, so displaying your dick marks you as an inimitable genius. Don't be shy! The more you show off your dick, the better your writing will be.

>>25451450
desu so many words have changed being anglicized over time, krueger turned into kruger, boer turned into boor, gruene turned into grene turned into green. the root is the same, words evolve over time. both you fags are annoying though.

I'm literally about to write!

>>25451917
You joke but I do most of my best writing while nude.
Mostly because I just prefer to hang out in my home in the buff because it's comfy, and I write well when I am comfy and able to just focus on the work.
So I second rocking out with your cock out. Though I would say you should probably stick to writing in the buff while at home or other clothing optional areas.

File: Screenshot_20260706_13045(...).jpg (639 KB, 1080x1360)

639 KB JPG

>>25451554
For the record, the exact prompt I gave the artist was "The Lovers tarot card torn vertically down the middle, separated by a golden elixir, the Elixir of Life. On the right half is Otto Thorne in Adam's position. He is white and bald with a goatee, looks similar to Anton LaVey. His right wrist is handcuffed, chained to a standing unhinged church door. He's an ostiary, or a doorkeeper, who spends his evenings practicing witchcraft in a church basement.

On the left is Barbara Siefert in Eve's position. She is pale, bleached blonde, looks sort of like Zeena LaVey. An octopus wearing a knight's helmet is draped over her shoulder; its limbs are encircling hers, censoring her chest. Barb stands in front of an obsidian mirror, taller than she is. She is a gothic prostitute with a black eye who always wanted to be an actress.

In the background, WW2 firebombs are falling over a destroyed church that resembles the Frauenkirche. Instead of the sun atop the tarot card, it is the moon, making it night.

The title, THE CHEMICAL DIVORCE, is written in white atop a horizontal black censorship line that obscures the private parts of both Otto and Barbara. At the bottom, where the title of the tarot card would be, is the author's name: FRANK ZEIST, also in all caps."

My prompt was perhaps too wordy and complicated, but the core concept was sound. Incidentally, the color scheme was derived from inverting the color palette of The Lovers, which was also my idea.

The forthcoming cover is much simpler and sexier. Of course, none of this matters because you're not supposed to judge a book by its cover. ;)

>>25450797
Says the guy generating endless amounts of self-stroking AI slop.

>>25451442
gee why would writers care about words, i know right?

>>25451959
everyone is always "about to write"

File: Screenshot_20240428-230319~2.png (469 KB, 1080x802)

469 KB PNG

>>25451410
why don't you... just fucking draw it. I cannot fathom anyone besides the normiest of normies not being able to do such a benign thing. Its so fucking easy it hurts. Holy fuck I hope for you're sake you are trolling

>>25451267
>Can I just steal monsters from pinterest?

just use LLMs. its the same thing

>>25451854
Tortured words; purple prose at best, plagiarism at worst

>>25451827
that didn't read like a screenplay

Trying to gather Ideas for a story that's basically Scream meets who Framed Roger Rabbit. So far, The synopsis is that It's a world where real life and animated cartoon characters live together in this one town that are at fret by a clan that hates cartoon characters and it's up to a Dick Tracy-like character to hunt them down. Trying to Incorporate as many animation mediums as I could like Japanese immigrants be Anime characters. A relationship between a normal person and an animated character via Cool World to spoof on mix-race relationships.

>>25451854
first paragraph sucked donkey had to stop there. a Levantinian plain whose visage would cook your palm to the touch? are you esl or something? that sentence is all fucked up.

File: dick.jpg (16 KB, 474x299)

16 KB JPG

>>25440212
>>25440213
>>25440215
The sordid saga continues...

The stench hit Dick like a spiked fist as soon as he opened the door. The combination of sour musk, suffocating heat, and sweaty ass nearly made him double over. Peering through the fumes wafting through the room, he could see bright studio lights and some sort of movie set. One man saw Dick, smiled, and waved.
Dick's heart soared. Standing before him was a fortysomething man wearing a crushed lavender velvet jacket, a cream-colored silk button-down revealing his hairy chest and a throat tattoo of a crowned, snarling gerbil. It was like something out of his dreams! Dick stood erect and drooled slightly as he bounded over.
"You must be Dick!" the man gushed, gleaming gold teeth filling his smile. "I'm Mahboob!" He thrust out his hand; Dick shook it, trying hard not to recoil from the slimy feeling of his sweaty mitt.
"So what's your writing challenge?" he asked. "What do you need fluffed?"
Mahboob pointed to an actor. "Him."
Dick's pupils constricted, and he shuddered. Standing before him was a swarthy, well-built Indian man, easily six foot three, with a chiseled chest like a Greek deity. His well-trimmed mustache effortlessly supported his piercing brown eyes. What really struck Dick is that the man was completely naked from top to bottom, hairless, and oiled.
Dick suddenly noticed the rest of the set—a simple bed in the middle of the room, a small scattering of other majestic male forms, and dolled-up manlets behind the cameras and holding boom rods, their microphones dangling from them like fuzzy black eggplants. Their shirts read "Groendyke Productions"; he wondered if they were related to the trucking firm based in his home state, back before his father kicked him out of the house.
"Dick," Mahboob oozed, "meet Prahabadubudiwidawa!"
Dick hesitantly offered his hand; Prahabadubudiwidawa grabbed it and shook it like he was stroking a long shaft. Mahboob's hand felt dry compared to this tribute to garbage-choked rivers flowing through Third World slums. Dick wiped his hand on his pants, leaving behind a greasy smear.
"So," Dick gulped, "what sort of writing can I help you with?"
"I've got a pen you can help me with," Prahabadubudiwidawa hinted slyly.
"Where is it?" Dick asked.

File: less.jpg (14 KB, 318x240)

14 KB JPG

>>25452226
Prahabadubudiwidawa merely looked downward. Dick froze. He noticed that man's penis was at least three times the size of his own, with balls like golden mangoes.
Dick shuddered. "What do you want me to do with *that*?"
The brobdingnagian pajeet narrowed his eyes and fixed Dick with a mocking glare. "Are you trying to be coy, or are you just stupid?"
"This is your interview!" Mahboob declared. "If you can fluff this man, you'll get paid very well! At least ten times what you make at that stupid restaurant."
Dick's jaw dropped slightly. "How did you know where I work?"
"All things are known to me!" Mahboob proudly proclaimed. "I am a man of mystery."
"Get to it already!" Prahabadubudiwidawa blasted. "We're burning money here!"
"But where's the script you need fluffed?" Dick asked, looking around for anything resembling a screenplay.
The clean-shaven Hindu let out a belly laugh that would have put Errol Flynn to shame. "He's not being coy! He's really that stupid!" The film crew joined in with mocking laughter.
Dick's eyes flitted around the room nervously. The crew stared back with wide eyes.
"Bet he's a virgin, too," one cameraman purred.
"Mmmm," a grip responded. "Tight back door."
"What are you waiting for?" Mahboob blared. "Start stroking that man's dick! Get him erect! Fluff him up! We've got nineteen scenes to shoot today!"
Dick felt woozy; he thought he might fall over. Prahabadubudiwidawa's giant manhood swayed gently before him like an elephant's trunk.
"Don't I get gloves or something?" he mumbled.
"What are you, shy?" the towering punjabi thundered. "Get to work! I prefer the feel of natural flesh anyway. There's too much latex around here as it is."
Dick swallowed hard, crept over to the flopping salute to super-sized sausage, and began fondling it. Prahabadubudiwidawa's face instantly went beatific. "Mmmmm," he burbled. "Daddy like."
Dick's mind raced. What did he usually do to get himself erect? The answer came to him naturally, and he continued to caress the curry chorizo. A moment later, he felt his pants tighten. Quickly, he stopped fantasizing; he realized that only worked to get himself hard, not someone else. This was all so confusing for him.

File: bore.jpg (51 KB, 474x599)

51 KB JPG

>>25452228
"Unbutton your shirt." Prahabadubudiwidawa stared at him, panting lightly.
Before Dick could ponder how to do that without pausing his petting, he heard someone sidle up behind him. Hands groped expertly at his shirt buttons. "Not to worry," an effeminate male voice whispered in his ear. "I got your back."
Dick continued his homage to hot dog stuffing. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see many of the others were stroking themselves as they watched him intently. Revulsion and nausea rose from his stomach and inched its way up his esophagus. There'd better be a big paycheck for this, he thought.
"Never mind," the hairless he-man huffed. "Shihpupi, can you button him back up? He looks too much like a girl. Even without tits."
Dick felt a warm body press against his backside, furtive fingers feeling up his front. "Don't mind him," Shihpupi whispered. "I liked it. I hope I see it again."
"OK, enough!" Dick quickly pulled his hands back. "Good job!" the buff bengali belted. "Any more and I would have made a mess all over your shirt." He struggled to roll a condom over his engorged shaft.
Mahboob clapped. "OK, people, let's get it on!" Crew members raced into position as a ripped Middle Easterner, wearing a headband that wouldn't be out of place in a 1980s aerobics video, leapt on to the bed and knelt on all fours. Prahabadubudiwidawa raced to get behind him, his stiff kielbasa flopping with his gyrations.
"And... action!" Dick recoiled as he watched his handiwork plunge into the camel jockey's willing, wavering oasis. He stepped back slowly as the grunting, sweating action continued. This can't really be happening, he thought. I'll wake up any second now and find the air conditioner's flipped a breaker again.
Abruptly, he felt a hot breath on his neck; a greasy hand thrust a hundred-dollar bill before his face. "Good work, kid," Mahboob muttered lasciviously. "You got the whole crew worked up. That sort of talent is hard to come by. Consider yourself hired."
Dick turned slowly to face Mahboob; his oily grin overwhelmed his entire face. "So you don't really need my writing at all?"
Mahboob grimaced. "Ew. I hate when pornos try to have a plot."

File: jules vincent KofLA.jpg (204 KB, 1568x656)

204 KB JPG

>>25451375
I did not write some faggoty wannabe-Tolstoy bullshit called "Anastasiya."
For anons who recognize the loser brigade who has been activated against me and wish to be frens or support an indie author read The Dark Triad or King of L.A. and watch your estimation of the criticism here drop back in the crab bucket where it belongs!

>>25452239
You should have written it. It's quite good.

>>25452239
I tried to read The Dark Triad. It's clearly a screenplay masquerading as a novel. All the details are either visual or audible. There are no smells, bodily sensations, metaphors, or anything else that might aid immersion. And the implicit camera-cutting between viewpoints is just hilarious.

>>25452261
I did not ask for your same shitty opinion that you've posted 50 times at this point. We know you think it reads like a script. No one cares buddy.

>>25452263
NTA. That's the conclusion of more than one anon. Plus it's kinda obvious. The AI slop isn't helping your case, either.

>>25452198
I didn't read it so I'm not sure if you're playing up a in-joke or just incorrectly assuming Boor wrote it

>>25452263
That wasn't me, the person who gave you a tepid review and who you've grown a twisted obsession with. But I still encourage you to actually read Consumptive Cur so you can insult it more effectively than just calling it shit.

>>25451854
You can find words like palimpsest but can't place commas where they belong. Your priorities are backwards.

File: dre snoop game KofLA.jpg (271 KB, 1248x832)

271 KB JPG

>>25452316
You posted a bitch ass troll review to try and take down my numbers but I get 5 stars from actual readers. You're dumb as fuck and mad that I'm here to mog you. Need some sense smacked into your faggot ass, and I'm here to do it, nigga.

File: Screenshot_20260808_01492(...).jpg (693 KB, 882x1745)

693 KB JPG

>>25452353
lel, it wasn't even a bad review, just tepid. IIRC I even (conditionally) reccomend the damn thing. Picrel is what a bad review from me looks like. And if I was trying to tank your numbers I did a very bad job since I didn't even leave you a review. Boor, you are truly something special.
My only wish is that you'd smack some sense into me by absorbing at least the blurb to CC and giving it a brutal takedown instead of just saying it's shit and playing around with the title.

>>25452373
>I didn't even leave you a review.
*I didn't even give it a rating.
Forgive me I just worked a 15 hour day topping off a 50 hour workweek

>>25451943
that's cool and all but boor is still not german for farmer

>>25451442
bro what was even your intention posting this, like what the fuck are you even talking about, like we're on a forum about small vessels in a thread for general discussion of water speeds and arguing the distinction between a schooner and a schallop and you stomp in like "wtf you people really think a schooner is faster than a shallop? I'm out" like who the fuck even said that are you even paying attention or just skimming

File: h2g2.png (92 KB, 1065x477)

92 KB PNG

As someone who wants to write comedy, how do I deal with the fact I'll never write anything as funny as this? How does a person even improve their comedic writing skills? The definition of what's funny is so nebulous and everyone seems to have their own different sense of humor.

>>25452513
just wtite the way you normally do and we will all laught

File: Screenshot.png (142 KB, 470x463)

142 KB PNG

>>25452513
This is just aping Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Oh wait, that's not your writing. It literally is Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I get confused whenever anyone posts anyone else's writing ITT. Why do you do this, especially if it's a well-known author you could make a new thread about?
Anyway, here's a funny-bone tickler by this one.

>>25452513
Start with the easiest, slapstick

>>25452373
you are a lying cocksucker. i know you did your little drive-by 2 star rating on Amzn too. can't wait to trash your little sissy garbage when you finally roll it out ;)

Also, change your fucking name, bitch. Your swarthy brownoid ass doesn't get to appropriate an Anglo name like Johnson, a name which also requires that you have a dick. Total Bitch Junior will be putting a skirt on and doing a little dance for us before I'm done with him.

>>25452030
no but you eat with your eyes first, so if you have a shit cover no one is going to pick up your book. lesson learned for you, maybe. can't wait to see the new one.

>>25452513
i don't own enough funkopops for this to be funny

File: 1786193005789824.png (292 KB, 2341x1618)

292 KB PNG

what do you think of my writing

>>25452330
I'm Cormacpilled on commas.

>>25453005
Please stop interpreting the dog needlessly. Let the reader decide how he feels about the interaction. It doesn't even make sense that the narrator "knows" how a dog feels by the first impression. How can he know if the dog doesn't mind his fur riddled with debris? This is all redundant, and often conflicting. One moment the dog is "polite", next he is nervously circling the narrator and displaying predatory behavior. Stick to observing the behavior, and don't describe things redundantly. The nuts fell on the floor. The reader understands this is clumsy. No need to specify it.

Some descriptions are overly specific without any real importance. Put emphasis on things that matter, leave things out that don't. As it is, every sentence in this text seems equally unimportant, because everything seems and inconsequential string of events. I've heard more compelling children's fantasies following the same structure; there was a dog, and then I went to pet it, and then there was a house, and then we went inside, and then, and then, and then...

Other descriptions remain needlessly vague. What business does a cloud have blending with the universe? This makes no sense. What does it mean when a dog "kept filling his mouth with air and huffing it out"? It was breathing nervously? These pseud-poetic abstractions don't invoke familiarity, but rather dissuade further investment. Perhaps English is not your first language, and you should perhaps consider practicing and honing your writing skills in your native tongue.

Other times, you expect the reader to be familiar with dog behavior (and photography!) without elaborating. Tail upright, avoiding eye contact? Can everyone interpret this? No, they can't. And the narrator could neither, as his excessive interpretations are constantly readjusted, contradictory or outright uncertain ("He was panting or smiling -- I couldn't tell).

1/2

>>25453098
2/2

Furthermore, the attitude of the narrator contradicts his actions. An experienced photographer, yet unprepared and hasty. Done for the day, yet he treks into a field to explore a shack. Where is the haste and concern for his equipment then?

After these mixed signals, the image of the dog hasn't become any clearer, while the story itself has become somewhat of an unclear smudge.
I don't even understand how the narrator was perceptive enough to discern a dog and a crow from a blotch, but it might all have been part of the imagination with which he frequently anthropomorphised his new yellow friend under the cosmic clouds. Wait, why was he "too" yellow again?

Did it ever matter?

>>25453005
I really did not like it.

starts talking about how you have a dog, then it jumps backwards in time to when you were taking pictures of a field of rye while the clouds blended with the universe and your camera wasn't weather sealed (jarring contrast between the overly poetic language and the matter of fact language). then you start talking about aligning your tripod properly, like who gives a shit? you're introducing your dog and you've spent two whole paragraphs talking about your camera and the file format of your photographs.
how did you know the dog was male before meeting it? you're using future knowledge to describe a past event, but at the same time contradicting that by describing the events as if you don't know what's going to happen in the future (don't know if the people there are interested in the pictures)

would not continue reading past the first few paragraphs. indeed, I didn't.

>>25453098
>>25453100
>>25453119
OP probably won't read this
someguy from /int/ posted it here
>>>/int/223740231

>>25452912
And this is why it never pays to use your real name in this thread.

>>25453132
what a miserable asshole you are, wasting peoples time just to prove a point.

>>25453312
What point was made? What time was wasted? Why are you angry? You still got to critique original writing. Do you know for a fact the author didn't follow here to read it? Do you know for a fact he didn't post it here himself? Does he owe you a reaction either way? Do you only ever do anything for gratification?

>>25453332
Do i know for a fact you swallow cocks at an unreasonable rate? Yes, im fairly confident. Im mad if your the dutch nigger who just came because of a pissing match with a Somalian. There's no point in posting this in the WRITING GENERAL, if its not to help the author and especially if its just being a spiteful prick.

>>25453356
Then you are pre-emptively mad, because you do not know the motives for a fact. Is that reasonable? Why not assume good intentions, if only to keep your own mind and heart clear of bad intentions?

>>25453369
i cant tell if this is bait when the intention was literally just spite and that the dutchman could prove himself right. if I mistook you for him and you just wanted to tell people not to waste their time, then sorry mate

>>25453376
Does anyone owe you anything?

>>25453388
you owe me fellatio. now lets stop shitting up this thread with this dumb conversation

>>25453390
I don't owe you silence. Leave at your discretion if that is your wish.

>>25453284
put your real name on your writing, or you ain't shit.

>>25453356
>>25453390
So you're a fairly confident expert of swallowing cocks? Weird flex but OK