Fighting Earth Weather EditionPrevious Thread: >>41099497Fauster's Story Archive: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1XiJRe1NWl_kIoWsHssZ27BMV7bZAe1jgX59-dWggYkA/Uh-hmmm's Prompt Archives:https://ponepaste.org/1046Have a broken Pastebin link? Replace pastebin.com with poneb.inRemember:not to save anything of value on Pastebinignore all attempts at early new threadsignore new threads by the cheerimac posterkeep your thick, colty mare (or mares) perpetually pregnant and give 'em the licc
first for mares giving my cock an indian rug burn
Is femcel Rarity a universal constant in RGRE?
>>41137912You can interpret any mare as a femcel with her unique traits.
>>41138143Hello Caramel, fancy a spa trip?
>>41137382 #Same, and I have a dive license. I read a book a while back by a guy who did underwater search and rescue (which usually meant body recovery). Cave diving mishaps almost always ended in death unless you could find a large air pocket and stay there until the rescue team showed up. Convinced me to avoid anything that hasn't been thoroughly mapped and had the dangerous parts blocked off.I can find the book, if you have a good imagination and want to scare yourself.
>>41138255>picIs that one of those sacrificial nodes on the sign to prevent the steel from rusting, or is it a bolt attaching it to an unseen wall-attachment? If it's the former, then they probably just could have used aluminum instead. Fuck me, steel rusts so fast it's not even funny. I did steel sample prep for a little bit and those fuckers rusted so fast. Etch them, rinse the acid off in water, and then FUCKING BOLT to dip it into the alcohol so that the sample doesn't start to rust.
>>41138255>I have a dive license.And just like that, you're braver than me. I don't even like playing Subnautica because the ocean is scawy to me.
>>41137706>Wait til ponies find out about Feng Shui>the ancient chinese may have been onto something>when twilight looks into it she just winds up with more questions than answers>*distressed and confused bookhorse noises*
>>41138255>>41138263My friend invited me to a dive class with him once. Mind you, I'm already afraid of water higher than my waist. Within the first five minutes the dude had said something to the effect of "8 out of 10 of you will have died in the next 10 years while diving" and I noped the fuck out of there.
>>41138405>hear this>get spooked and shit self in the pool>dive lesson cancelled due to cloud of shit
>RGRE>diving advice thread
>>41138478Imagine all the innuendos and lame puns you'd hear from the gals.Really fengs my shui.
>>41138255am I going crazy or does the left side kinda look like a pony?
>>41138536Fucking sirens, waiting to snatch a male diver. That's what 90% of those supposed "deaths" from cave diving really are. You never see the men again because they're in a cave cooking seafood for their fish-wives.
>>41138653Need siren fishy gf
>>41138405*scrunch* What the fuck? Maybe if you're exclusively diving unexplored caves / submerged structures, getting inside wrecks, or consistently going deep enough for the bends to be a serious risk, that might be true. Standard open water diving is very safe, and even an explored cave that's had the danger zones marked is safe as long as you don't ignore the warning signs.>>41138263Freshwater diving in lakes, springs, or rivers usually takes dangerous wildlife out of the equation.
>>41138728>even an explored cave that's had the danger zones marked is safe as long as you don't ignore the warning signs.All it takes is for you to stop moving or a bit too eager movement and you lose all visibility.
>>41138728>Freshwater diving in lakes, springs, or rivers usually takes dangerous wildlife out of the equation.>he doesn't want to give lemon sharks headpatsfluttershy would have a field day with earth's fauna, but I imagine she'd be really creeped out if not stonewalled entirely by earth equines
>>41138798>she'd be really creeped out if not stonewalled entirely by earth equinesThey are just like normal stallions though: barely capable of thought.
>>41138728Scuba flippers look like those long ornate betta fish finsWould sirens like them or think you're competition?
>>41138536Looks like shrek turning away in disgust on the right
>>41138894While wearing a wig
>>41138904>afro shrek
>>41138536>>41138894>>41138904>>41138906Kinda has the carl aqua team hunger force, looking face.He is disgusted by the lack of meme magic, radiating off the mare on the left, too much normie energi!
>>41138341>Humans have no inherent magic>Humans are however very good at figuring out bullshit>Twilight realizes Rarity's cycles of manic-depression coincided with her regular redecorations>Pinkie's room immaculately followed feng shui, no surprise there>Canterlot Palace was very wide and open for energy to flow>The Everfree castle was a medieval shithole>Twilight is on the verge of an existential breakdown>How the fuck did these monkeys figure this out?>How the fuck did ponies not?>>>41138840I think at worst most ponies would be unnerved by feral horses. Like, diamond dogs and dogs exist, clearly ponies can understand the concept of a lesser-minded cousin.
>>41138981The fatalistic view that many of us exist to suffer because the intelligent designer hates us is more comforting than the idea we may simply only exist because we were the fastest sperm on the night dad rawdogged mom.
>>41138798>he doesn't want to give lemon sharks headpatsI quite like saltwater dives, I'm just trying to give the thalassophobes in the thread some alternatives.
Mare fucks you in front of your now ex-girlfriend as an assertion of dominance.https://twibooru.org/1263338/
>>41138728Who knows. We drifted apart for unrelated reasons after that. He didn't talk a whole lot about diving, but he did mention something about cavern diving once or twice.
>>41138996Where the fuck you get that nihilstic shit from? Twilight's mind is simply not built for the idea that another species could be smarter than her, specifically, in one specific area
>>41138405I'm fine with deep water and swimming around, but I have to admit that I could wake up tomorrow capable of breathing underwater or turned into a mermaid or some shit, and I still wouldn't be willing to go into underwater caves.
>>41139564>thalassophobic "bathtub mermaid"Is that the equivalent of a shut-in for them fishwives?
>>41139584>An unexpected migration of some dumbass predators near her home forces Sonata and her sisters to find alternative lodgings for the foreseeable future>Sonata is very upset that the only safe route to her new home passes by a continental shelf break>The safe ocean floor along her path home just suddenly... drops off.>Nearly vertical drop for thousands of meters>The gentle, safe blue hues of the ocean give way to an inky, oppressive pitch-blackness>The deep ocean floor is so deep that the sunlight just gave up>Pitch-black endless depths beneath her, and an endless expanse of ocean ahead of her>She's never seen anything move in the darkness.>She doesn't know if anything lives in there at all.>Sometimes when she swims alongside it, Sonata feels like it's going to swallow her up whole, or like an ocean current is pulling her down into the pit>It's all in her head, of course>But that doesn't make it feel any less for realsies
>>41139873>even sirens fear the abyss>>41138981>>How the fuck did ponies not?>as revered as starswirl the bearded is/was, he was still a stallion and had flights of whimsy, often losing entire notebooks when he got distracted by some tangent of whatever he was researching at a given time>he sure meant to write down and put to words a pony equivalent to feng shui, but then he went down the rabbit hole that is astrology and how it may or may not affect magic based on individuals, what day it was, what year it was, etc etc
>>41138981>How the fuck did those monkeys figure this out?Wow Twilight, cool it with the anthrophobic remarks
>>41139873Something something deep ocean horrors, something something not even the chinaman or sirens would eat it.
>>41139998I don't appreciate your phobophobic remarks, please respect my beliefs
>>41140038You underestimate the Chinese appetite.
>>41138981Humans are big gnomes. We like science, blowing things up and chaos.
>>41140046Twilight, I'm going to need you to post your snout for me.
>>41140108……and what anon?
>>41140221I'll do you one better- I hear you humans just LOVE leaving war crimes lying around!
>>41138894>>41138904>>41138906>>41138921
>>41140056If cannibalism weren't against the law, the chinese would engage in it.
>>41140038>All sirens have an instinctive fear of the deep abyssal oceans>This is due to what lurks in the darkness
>>41141049But anon, it is against the law, and humans still do.
>>41141273https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xqKPe9w5bUs
>>41141052Do you think the sirens would find Cthulhu attractive?
>>41141273Yeah, but China is all about saving face. They wouldn't publicly admit to eating people, they'd just say "oh that village was never there, what village?" and then yum yum yum
>>41141049They did it as late as Mao's revolution and it wouldn't surprise me if it's still done among the party elite.
>>41141389Just looked up that famine. Holy shit, they really did probably eat a huge amount of people, what the fuck
Something a little more on-topic...>One of those takes on Equestria where humans are a myth.>Legend says they can steal a mare's soul with a kiss.>You get told this by a mare and your immediate reaction is "Oh, horseshit! Here, I'll prove you wrong!">Grab the mare and kiss her.>You feel something numinous in your mouth, like inhaling thick fog, and the mare flops limp in your arms.>OH SHIT >QUICK, BREATHE IT BACK IN!>You frantically clamp your lips over hers and exhale, trying to force her soul back into her body >Mare starts breathing again and regains consciousness, but now you can feel a connection to her...
>>41141422Derp. Forget pic.
>>41139564>I still wouldn't be willing to go into underwater caves.This, for... Other reasons...>>41139873She fears the abyss because it's the abyss, I fear the abyss because I know what's inside it.We are not the same.
>>41141981Don't be silly. Dolphins aren't real. Why would mammals go back to the ocean?
>>41142021Because law enforcement has no jurisdiction to make arrests there for rape.
>>41142021>He doesn't know that Mother Ocean provides all we need under her tender wavesFool.
>>41142111We need to recruit sirens to be the long fin of the law, then the water bastards will finally know who's boss
>>41139976>mares blame starswirl, the one pony who delved deepest into magic for lack of knowledge about feng shui>instead of the bit a dozen "witches" researching magic but not realizing a single fucking thing for the literal millenia since SSTB's eraMares, man.
>Be mare>You HATE humans>You hated the way they talked>Their stupid faces>How dyke-y their mares are and how their colts think they have some teats>You were very much against their stallions being brought here to Equestria>There were already too many immigrants being brought over here>Equestria was for ponies darnit!>They, by order of her royal highness, you were sent one of them>A green colts, wearing a suit, speaking broken Equish>Mare, you weren't happy in the slightest>You tried sending him back, but the request was sent by Princess Cadence herself>You might not have liked these freaks, but nopony said no to an alicorn>As loathe as you are to admit it, you were pretty mean to the colt>Anon was his name>You honestly treated him little better than a servant>Not being the most... tidy mare, your house was pretty dirty>So he had to clean it from basement to the roof>You made him cook for you as well>And you also made use to dirty as much fabric you had in the house so he had to do washing>This was with barely any conversation on your part>Just orders and mean looks>No matter what you did however, Anon was always smiling and talking in his broken Equish>He never complained, or got upset, even when you had him doing yardwork with scissors one day in the hot sun>After a few weeks, you sort of got used to him>Monkey weirdo or not, it was nice to have somepony in the house>You had been alone for... a good long while>Not many friends>Family almost never reached out>So having him at least made you feel not to alone>You house had also never been so clean>You hadn't eaten so well either>One day, after a few ciders, you made Anon sleep in the same bed as you>Maybe a part of you thought he'd finally get freaked out and run away or something>But he didn't>He got in with you>Even snuggled with you all night>You>The mare colts sort of stayed away from because they thought you were weird>But there he was, letting you hold him>You remember waking up with your muzzle in his hair>You had just laid there, feeling his heartbeat against your chest as he softly snored>You didn't even think of getting out of that bad until your bladder finally made you do so>It took days for you to sort through your feelings>But then, like a bolt of lightning, a realization hit you>You HATED humans>Did not like them even a little bit>Anon here was a good colt>Thoughtful, diligent; a good cook and housekeeper>He would make a good horseband for a lucky human filly>Which is why you, a unabashed racist, needed to make him YOUR horseband>You needed to take good colts out of their filthy gene pool>Let them only have the trash stallions >You'd keep a good horseband and the perfect family stallion out of their hooves>Keep good children off their dirty planet>You'd show them just how much better you were as a mare, a mother, and lover>Show just how superior ponies really were>Because you were, you know, a racist>No other reason
>>41142565>Never ask an equine supremacist the species of her coltfriend
>>41142565I want to get drunk with racistpone and talk mad shit about griffons.
>>41142565Aryanne finally can relate to someone.
>>41142371tbf, when your two famous male wizards are "wrote the book on astrology" and "enslaved Horse Atlantis and dragged into a thousand year deep dark oblivion," that probably throws off the statistics a bit.
>>41139976how would they see Grogar creator of monsters emperor of the land before equestria
>>41141422>>41141428>Humans are Magic Resistant>However, that does not mean they are magic IMMUNE.>Nor does it mean they can't DO magic, just not back home. A human needs intent, an image and a purpose.>So, a human who's passively absorbing ambient magic (or direct if casted upon for various reasons) might accidentally draw upon previously empty magic reserves. What they end up doing once they draw from those reserves might vary.>...in this case, accidentally confirming a myth. Thankfully, with no casualties. >Other than maybe Anon's poor underpants...the brick he could've shat would've been legendary.
>>41142999>Humans have non-regenerating but massive mana reserves>Humans also have a deep-seated need to befriend things that aren't Human>These combined with the Magic of Friendship can cause a human to seemingly steal a pony's soul, but don't worry, it's just a temporary mana vacuum for the pony>The translation is debated to this day- one scholar says "steal a mare's soul,' another "steel.">Human males are inherently geared towards being janefilly dommy daddies>Theoretically this means a human female could be that kind of byronic sensitive type that colts swoon over, if only it wasn't the skittle-haired ones that keep running into ponies>Come to think of it, why the hell do we pack bond with anything remotely cute?>Did God actually want us to fuck aliens?>There has to be a reason we're horny for the craziest shit all the time>Hell, pregnant women end up with their babyfadda's DNA in their brains>Why in the fuck?>Anon's ponderings were confirmed in the papers one morning>Namely, a bunch of humans and ponies had apparently been shipwrecked on Shithole Island for years before official first contact>Ensign Cletus Jamal Jr. tried to install a screen door on a minisub at the exact time a small village of ponies was trying to teleport out of Equestria on the eve of Nightmare Moon's return>The resulting vortex of Stupid and Desperate wrecked a hundred-odd of each species on one of those decent-sized islands every map pretends isn't there because it's earmarked for another bohemian sex grove>The humans not being from Arkansas, and the ponies not being Apples, understandably didn't want to risk damning their offspring to either inbreeding or dying childless, and so started dating the opposite species>Then the women stopped being weak and kinda cunty>And gave birth to what can only be described as IRL anime girls>Every one of them reported feeling stronger, more assertive, and less inclined to act like real life is a soap opera right after getting knocked up>Likewise, the men were finally able to not feel worthless and emotionally-stunted>Later studies would confirm neurological and physiological adaptations to better integrate with pony mating groups>The, ahem, early adopters were even able to cast spells at a kindergarten level>By the power of horse breeding, the castaways' mortal flaws were being cleansed>It's like humanity was a bunch of inbred brittle-boned dumpster babies>And our new foster home actually had vitamins>Celestia offers to call her parents about this>Faust and Bucephalus agree to contact their coworkers>Celestia calls a press conference 2 days later>"Yes, YHWH did intend for your kind to be breeding outside your species. He was quite concerned at your lack of expansion and almost ready to start... ah,">She pauses, examines her papers, and continues>"Eee-seh-kay-ing every last one of the incels and femcels, just so your white women would stop fu- OH MY."
Pre-bed freshening of the bread
>>41143189Time to be fruitful and multiple.
>>41144061>a thunderlike chorus of "DEUS VULT" and "INSHALLAH" rumbles across the landscape>…followed shortly by the sounds of wet slaps and moaning
>>41144313>Christians, Muslims and Jews sharing Jerusalem>The new crusade unites under the banner of "WE WILL REPOPULATE THE HOLY LAND!">Smooth jazz and dulcet tones play across the ancient city>For the first time in maybe ever, all is well>God is in His kingdom, and we are balls-deep in ponies
>Be Cadence>You and Shiny came to Ponyville to see your sister-in-law Twilight>Shiny wanted to make sure his little sister was doing good>Your colt was a thoughtful one>It was supposed to be a casual, pleasant few days, but things went south almost as soon as you stepped off the train>You had felt it while you were still north of the town>Absolute heartbreak>The sort you had never felt in all of your years being a love horse>It was so bad that some of the train staff, ponies that were nowhere as attuned to emotions as you, were able to feel it>By the time you were off the train, it was so thick that you were almost ready to chew a hole through the floor>You had all but carried Shiny and your darling, strong little daughter to Twilight's, said some quick hellos, then went out to find the source>It didn't take long>You found Anon sitting on a park bench by himself>You knew Anon>Twilight had introduced you to the funny alien>Flurry really seemed to like him>He made you peetzer, which had been better than average>It looked like he hadn't slept well in a week>His hands were in his lap, and he had just been sort of staring at nothing when you had trotted up to him>It actually took effort to get him to focus on you, he was in so much inner agony>You couldn't imagine how it felt, or how he was just able to wallow in it>It took some time, but you were able to work out just what had happened>A mare that the hyoo-man had been dating had been unfaithful>He had found her with another colt>She had said... some hurtful things and proceeded to kick him out>The walls Anon had built up had cracked for a moment when he had told you that>He said he probably deserved it>He wasn't a good enough coltfriend>He had done something wrong>She deserved better>The whole time he said this he wasn't able to look you in the eye, too empty to even cry>You weren't a wrathful sort of mare>That was Luna's thing>You liked to think you were a slow to anger sort of princess>Forget out the cruelty, or the complete lack of love, even though both of those were horrible>But a mare didn't DO that to a colt>Who the hay was she to abuse a stallion while there were so many mares out there that would give a HOOF for a colt of their own>It was breathlessly horrible>So, you gave poor, sweet Anon a gentle pat on his head and assured him that you'd personally make sure he'd forget this mean mare>There were so many fish in the sea>Mares that would treat him so much better>You also asked for the mare's name and address>You know, just to have a nice, calm conversation
>>41144616>Empress Lovehorse decided some reconnaissance was in order>it wouldn't do to take things to a 10 without having all the pieces of the puzzle, after all>she could hear the mare inside the house ranting about "the weird clingy monkey" and laughing about the breakup to her new boytoy to sound badass>among friends, how she'd just wanted a quick "alien colt" notch to add to her bedpost for bragging rights>Cadence scrunched>not the instant scrunch of the surprised or the merely indignant though>this was a slow, involuntary scrunch that refused to stop>with every millimeter her snootle retracted, you could hear sounds reminiscent of the metallic groaning of architecture, or the creaking of a great ship
>>41144363I mean, hell, the sand people had an entire war over a pretty mare way back when. It only makes sense they'd mellow out when faced with an abundance of pretty mares.
>>41144887>it wouldn't do to take things to a 10 without having all the pieces of the peetzerOne job
Was thinking about RGRE in the shower. Especially herding, but in a noble context. Do nobles just stick to monogamy when they can to make things simpler?
>>41145242Quite the opposite.If you get into a herd with the daughter of someone influential, you get some of their power, too. Sometimes you have herds planned generations in advance, for the sake of "repayment" of the formation of a herd. It's like a dowry system, but you're dealing in yet-to-be-born stallions.Getting into a upper-echelon herd, even on paper, can be some mares' life goal. They can get desperate.Shining Armor and Princess Cadence have whole teams to screen for love potions and enchanted love-letterbombs.
>>41145242Depends, I suppose. Herding is an easy way to solve all the dumb feuds that crop up, as well as the usual 'continue the bloodline' shit in low stallion population RGRE, but you have to worry about all the different agreements on which noble family an individual mare's foals belong to. Not to mention the inevitable intra-herd intrigue and fights between foals belonging to different houses.
>>41145259>>41145267I think at most I can see it as a neat way to deal with succession. No splitting lands here.>"Okay girls, buck all that land feuding, just ride the same weiner and be co-mothers."
>>41145259>If you get into a herd with the daughter of someone influential, you get some of their power, too.Is this the Equestrian equivalent of military wives demanding that you refer to them by their husband's rank?
>>41145303Do nobles in Equestria still hold land or is it more of an honorific now?
>>41145321if you're going by EDLWGM rules then it'd be at the early industrial phase where landowning aristocrats are getting phased out
>>41145321Equestria has existed for 1000 years at the absolute least, it likely referred to land ownership at some point.
>>41145309More like graduating last in your class at med school. They really are part of that family, but not by blood.
Herd that is made up of sisters, refuse to tell their firstborn who the biological mother is because they find it funny (mares are stupid)
>>41145378(started by the stallion too ashamed to admit he forgot which one it was)
>>41145378>>41145399I didn't know Equestria had a Maury show
>>41138894I don't see this at all but this is the funniest shit I've read all week. Have a mare anon
>>41145402>Moor-ey, Equestrian reality television show.>"And the results are in! Cloud Drizzle, you ARE the mother!">Crowd goes ballistic>The mares double over in laughter, trying and failing to support one another>Their colt is yelling, "Finally, bucking finally!">Their husband breathes a sigh of relief- so it was THAT one.---->Celestia turned off the television, humming to herself.>"Maybe I should reduce the amount of fluoride in the water supply..."
>>41145448>"...you ARE NOT the mother!">Stallion runs off stage in tears>Camera pone chases after the stallion>Camera cuts from close up of stallion in tears back to on stage when mare is backfipping and celebrating with the mares in the crowd
>>41145021>>it wouldn't do to take things to a 10 without having all the slices of the peetzernigga YOU had one job
>>41145456Wait how would that work? Mares are the ones giving birth so they should know who their foals are.
>>41145649the silliness of mares can quickly reach critical mass when exposed to stallion whimsy
>>41145649>>41145723Mares are as cuddly and whimsical as stallions, but the sexist mare-driven Equestria tends to brush that off as 'fillies will be fillies.'
>>41145415
>>41138536>>41138894>>41138904>>41138906>>41145817
>Week 3 in Equestria>You've adapted nicely, better than nice, you got the good roll of alternate realities and this entire planet has reversed gender roles>The mares have been falling over themselves to suit your needs as an 'exotic' male since you got here and life is almost perfect>"Anon! Anon!" Almost you think again as Caramel beats at your door"What is it, I was just waking up.">"I want to have a guys day with you." You yawn and walk over to the window"Why are you here at- 2pm? Oh fuck I overslept.">"That's exactly why I am here Anon. You need an intervention." Caramel responds showing some concern>You're pretty sure he's still mad you ditched him to bring some crazy purple drinking buddy home"I don't have a drinking problem and I'm not on drugs. I know I drank a lot last night but honestly, pony booze does nothing for me.">"You do plenty for me hot stuff!" A slurred voice in the bed behind you. A hole is a goal, you absolutely slept with said drinking buddy>"IS THAT HER?! MAYBE SHE COULD HAVE PUT SOMETHING IN YOUR DRINK- AND- THE WAY YOU'VE BEEN ACTING HAS BEEN DANGEROUS ANON!""Is this because I got laid?">"BRINGING RANDOM MARES HOME FROM A BAR, NOT COMING TO OUR MEETINGS-" You make your way to the door and open it as he yells"I have a good excuse for that. All you ever want to go eat is hayburgers, I can't eat those. Human needs are different.">"That is why I went out of my way to get a solution. Here try this." Caramel offers what appears to be a chocolate bar>You've tried pony chocolate, it's never any good but a few bites of this and it's actually edible"I guess it's okay but it's not really a meal.">With every word Caramel seems to get a little taller, maybe he's on tiptoes- tip hoof? Or he's standing- Why is he as tall as you now>Looking down gives you your answer as your two trusty feet have been savagely turned into green stumps like someone hacked them off with a saw>Caramel immediately bringing out his saddlebag mirror showing you, well YOU, a new you>There's no way to sugarcoat that you're seeing yourself as a green stallion "I got Twilight to fashion together something, I told her you were struggling to adapt as a human.""You're saying I have to be concerned somepony drugged my drink and then you give me MAGIC chocolate!?">"Exactly, you should never take food or drink unless you know where it's from. This is a lesson Anon. You can't trust mares.">You give Caramel your best "Really?" expression and sigh, honestly this ain't that bad and you can sweet talk Twi into undoing it later>"Hot new bod, wanna do that thing with your mouth again?" The purple mare rolls out of your bed, sauntering over tipsy with a half full bottle and pushes into your side>A shiver runs through your body, her breath reeking of booze and the way she grinds against you makes you swallow hard involuntarily
"I'm not in the mood for it, I clearly just got turned into a pony against my wishes. AND you're spilling your drink all over the floor! Get out of my house.">You can only hope that doesn't stain the carpet "Ugh, no fun stallions. Know you're missing out on a whole LOTTA mare." Waving her ass around as she leaves>You catch a glance only to look away again, a well used hole and she hasn't even bothered to wash>How you managed to sleep next to her without being disgusted is miraculous"I get it. Alright Caramel maybe my standards haven't been at their highest. But that doesn't mean you can spring this on me.">"Nobody said interventions were easy, now why don't we get hayburgers." Of fucking course, this fucking horse>There's some novelty to walking through Ponyville at half your regular size, doors seem less of a hassle to get through, you dont need to worry about knocking things over as much>"Phooo phoooo." A bad whistle coming from above. "Hey there new stud in town, why don't we get introduced, surely you've heard of me? Want an autograph." You recognize that voice"Rainbow, it's Anon. I got turned into a pony.">"Even better, I don't need to try! Come have fun with me, Having a new dick means I can count you as me having slept with two stallions, the girls will be jealous my numbers higher.">Does she just think you're going to stop what youre doing to rut some whiny mare, is that how little she thinks of you, that youre that easy"I think I owe it to hang out with Caramel since I already ditched him yesterday.">She scoffs "Come on Anon, YOU? With a stallionist? You aren't that type of guy" She follows on her cloud "We can have have some real fun, you know I'm the fastest ride in ponyville.">"Anon said NO dash." Caramel speaks up "Keep following us and I'll yell!" This makes Dash scoot back on her cloud>"Well whatever, come see me when you're actually interested in being fun, you'll let Caramel's frgidity rub off all over you and ruin a good thing!">"Anon isn't just some easy pole you can slide down. He deserves respect even if he doesn't know it yet." You don't know how to feel about that one>Normally Caramel's outbursts of protecting your sanctity or whatever he thinks he's doing is unwelcome>But now, you aren't really feeling those urges and these mares seem to be pushier than you remember as you arrive at SubHay and get some sandwiches>"I know you said humans do things differently, but you aren't in humanville anymore. This is ponyville and well. Word is going around about you.""I'm a bipedal cross dimensional fully intelligent alien, I'd be shocked if word wasn't spreading.">"The only word they're spreading is how you act. Hussy behavior Anon. It's not right.">As you're about to respond a hoof lands on the table, a white pony in close "Anon! The second Twilight told me you felt and that you wanted to be a pony I came to find you!""Ah, Rarity? How did you know which pony was me- Wait no. Small town. I get it."
>>41145964>Rarity nods "I know humans feel better in clothes so Mommy Rarity brought some things for you.">You cringe, for some reason she really likes when you call her Mommy, for free clothes it felt like an easy deal but right now it makes you want to throw up>She puts some saddles on the table. "Just tell Mommy which one you want-""Do not say that again. I'm fine. I haven't even thought of clothes since I chang-">Wait that is odd. You're sitting her stark naked and it hasn't for a moment felt unnatural, everything has felt normal>"Anon you know how you're supposed to address me when I bring you some new clothing." Rarity chides>Oh Celestia she can't really want you to say it here, in public, you'd rather drown yourself in a puddle than call her mommy right now>The way she prances about and how thin her hips are, she doesn't fit the title at all, she's just, so, COLTISH>It hits you like a sack of bricks, you've been ponyfied brain and all>You don't just look like a pony, youre thinking like one and finally seeing the world through a stallion's eyes for the first time>Caramel again stands up for you while you're dumbstruck "Are you sexually harrassing Anon? Mares like you think you can just demand favors for helping a guy out like you're ENTITLED to it.">His stallionist rhetoric seemed ridiculous before, but now, everything rings true this entire world is WILDLY sexist>You weren't even allowed to own your home before Twilight pulled some royal strings>A quick glance around and you see the looks mares are giving you, acting like you're a piece of meat, Rarity wasn't quiet so they all know you're Anon the easy stallion>Lecherous, disgusting, they don't care how you feel they just want to ride the stick between your legs to brag about it>It feels like the entire world is watching you, slowly cracking, slowly breaking, until finally you can't take it anymore, hoof hitting the table and shaking it mid Rarity and Caramel argument"I can't stand another moment of this! I NEED TO GET THIS FIXED!">With a sprint away from the resturaunt leaving everyone behind in a cloud of dust, galloping to Twilight's library like you've lived an entire lifespan running with hooves>A quickened desperate knock as you weakly yell "Twilight! Twi! Let me in, it's important!">It's not long before you hear her stammer behind the door, but not opening it immediately >She's breathing heavy and there's an audible spritz which you can't place until the door opens
>>41145967>The raw putrid stench of BALE Bodyspray on a sweaty once a week showering mare as she gives a crooked twitchy smile from an awkward lean>"O-Oh, hey Anon. I see you liked the chocolate? I didn't know it was you at the door- I mean- I get a lot of visi, MANY stallions here a lot- What do you need?">You have to stifle back a gag and push past her inside, ignoring that she's slightly damp but knowing you'll need a hell of a shower when you get home"Twilight, I have very quickly come to the conclusion that I do not want to be a Stallion.">"Oh you're ah... You'd rather be a Mare?" A side glance"NO! What I mean to say is. I want to human again. A human, non pony. Man.">"Ooh." She nods as her thoughts shift "I thought you were here to, you know. You did promise a few days ago to, r-rut my brains out.">You stare at this horse as if for the first time, the unconfident way she holds herself, the flicker of her eyes unable to keep contact, mane and coat both filthy and unbrushed>Not even her hooves are clean and she barely goes outside>You may know it's the ponybrain talking but if there was any mood or sexual tension she took it out back and turned it to stone>"Oh Anon, did you need a map for my eyes?">The fuck is this horse saying>"Because I am equally as enraptured by yours. I'll need a starmap. Because, your eyes are like. Stars. And I'm lost in them making constellations.">Death would be a mercy but you know if you were human, you'd hit it>Wait that's it!"Twilight if you make me a human again. I will f-ffff- Ruuuu-">You're gagging at the thought suddenly, eyes welling with tears at what heresy youre trying to say"On the bed... We'll NGH-">HOLD IT TOGETHER ANON, HOLD IT TOGETHER, IF YOU DONT GET THIS OUT YOU'LL BE THINKING LIKE CARAMEL FOREVER"I WILL FUCK YOU!">Deep breaths, are you spluttering or about to throw up, you can't tell anymore>"Oh I'd love to! But, actually I can't.">You'll kill her, you'll wring her neck with your difficult to grip with hooves in a second and Caramel will be next>"Wha-What's with that look? I'm just trying to say, the spell wears off after 24 hours. It doesn't have an undo.">Praise Celestia, praise the pony gods this hell will soon be over for good>"But we can take this prime stallion MEAT for a ride while you have it right?">In moments of speed unseen since the last wonderbolts show above ponyville you are gone as far away from this unfuckable incel mare as you can get>Bursting into your house, locking the door and shoving every desk you have infront of it and collapsing in bed to sleep the rest of the spell off>You have gained a newfound respect for the stallions here, walking in their hooves has shown you just how bad these mares are>You might even listen to Caramel and go to a stallionist rally between fucking (Less) mares, like not Twilight, alright maybe still Twilight>But she has to shower first
>>41144887Go on. Not many greens where we see mares actually just use Anon for some fun.
>>41145968These ponies will drive me to drink! Good stuff Anon.
>>41145968good shit Anon
>>41146019It would be a nice break from the blatant wish fulfilment. I know this is (and nmm) are wish fulfilment threads, but it's nice to try something new every couple of years.
>>41145415Thanks Anon ;3... it Was the first thing i saw, when i Was looking at the pic.
>>41145968>mares want one thing, and they are disgusting>so wash them
What does RGRE think about size difference?
>>41146890Imagine not having to get up from the couch and your beer because your husband needs help reaching something, or needs help opening a jar. Just a straight beer to sandwich pipeline.
>>41145968>"Because I am equally as enraptured by yours. I'll need a starmap. Because, your eyes are like. Stars. And I'm lost in them making constellations."shes so smooth bros….
>>41145968>not enjoying mare muskWhat, is anon gay?
>>41146890>be mare>get invited to cute human coltfriend's house>see his bed>it's fucking gigantic>he must be planning to have a massive herd of a dozen mares>holy shit you landed a stud
>>41147260>inb4 his snores rattle the windows
>>41147301>Implying mares wouldn't spin that into a personal win>"Ayep, my husband's a total bear in the sack"
>>41146019>>41146432Honestly my headcanon for that is 'Applejack beats em up'
>>41147398>beatsbreeds*fix it for you
>>41147656she breeds the mares?
>Hide your husbands>The mares are coming>You cannot compete
>>41143189How does Anon and his mare friend deal with the stereotype of all humans being super hard core doms.Like does mare friend do when all her birthday gifts are bdsm themed sex toys for her?
>>41147818>tfw lesbians are nasty but stallion on stallion cuddling is considered super hot
>>41147818>>the stereotype of all humans being super hard core doms>Anon is a bit of a femdomfag >Rarity is a maledomdyke>Rarity constantly hits on Anon in maledom fashion, making herself seem 'submissive and breedable'>This does nothing as Anon goes to watch AJ and RD hoof wrestle again
>>41146982I mean he was inside a stallion.
Pre-bed boop
>>41147260>>41146909What about extreme size difference?https://ponerpics.org/images/6980129
>>41145962>Caramel and Twilight conspire to transform me without my knowledge or consent.Honestly, I would beat the shit out of both of them. That's not something you just do to someone.
>>41148338Lyra just wanted to start a movie review channel
>>41148706I'd be tearing both of them a new asshole, and not in the fun way.
>>41148706no matter what form you take, you'll always be good at fighting! thy are my most strongest warrior
>>41148655Only if you're a fag.
>>41148753Would Lyra say human movies are overall good cause they're human or bad because they don't have enough films of half naked big dicked men being save by the most maresculine of female role models
>>41148762>thy are my most strongest warrior>ywn be a battle mai- a battle BUTLER of a certain weeby lunar princess
Caramel and I would be besties in RGRE. I wouldn't be seen as an easy guy because I learn from the mistakes of others and know to stay away from hookups and situationships.Just look at him! I wanna hang out and chat about mares with him.
>>41148903Lyra is an artist, not some base conscoomer. She'd say they're great because they have so many half-naked men doing mare stuff.
>>41148977Funnily enough, the era appropriate male equivalent term for maiden is knight, not butler.Cause from the old english root, maiden literally just meant "young woman", and knight literally just meant "young man". It's only on the modernization of old english that the term maiden gained a "purity and innocence" connotation, and the term knight gained a military connotation, since, for a good chunk of time, knights (read: young men) would've been the main military units for any city, town or country, thereby gaining the military association between "young men" and "soldier". People believe maiden comes from "maid", so assume the male would be butler, but this is factually not so, for the aforementioned reason.You'd be Luna's battleknight.
>>41148853Don't tempt me to write a green about extreme size difference RGRE, anon.
>>41148977>>41149520>You'd be Luna's battleknight.>It is better to be a warrior in a garden. Than a gardener at war.
>>41146890Not usually my thing, but occasionally I can see the appeal. https://ponerpics.org/img/view/2023/10/16/6808738.png
>"Hey Fluttershy check out this weird stallion I found in Tartatus">"In Tar- Wait, WHAT?">"Not tar, silly! Tar-TARUS! Anyway I think he'd be really good at taking care of our foals, he really loves bunny rabbits-">"B-bunnies? Ok, I'll marry him too um, if that's alright, I guess">"You sure? Aren't you and Discor-">(Sounds of extreme ape violence)>"Oh, guess Discord's not a problem anymore! Guess there's no more chocolate rain but honestly I didn't like that guy most of the time!"
>>41150260why would doomguy rip and tear discord? he's annoying, but not especially maliciousbesides discord's a reality warper. he would quite literally pull himself together after the ripping and tearing while commenting on how rude that wasconning him into weekly paradox poker games seems like it'd be a better and more entertaining idea
>>41150410>WhyDemon, or at the very least, demon-ajdacent.>Discord survivesDoes he? He's not all-powerful. Chrysalis's throne kept him from teleporting into the hive. Stands to reason there might be other ways of subverting him.>Playing cards with DiscordDoomguy is less a man and more an avatar of divine wrath. Even if he can't kill Discord he'd just be tearing him apart constantly....Actually that could be funny. Discord can't die, Doomguy can't not try to kill him, cue an Odd Couple scenario.
>>41149820Whoa mama thats a big mare, just how i like them
>>41149536>ywn ride on your horse-waifu's back when you go out and about
>>41150817>tfw your waifu will never ride on your shoulders when you go out and about
>>41150817>>41151134>meanwhile Eris be like"Why not both Anon?"
>>41151266>as she rides on your shoulders and you ride on her back, you slowly fold into each other, forming a non-euclidian piggyback ride feedback loop that transcends dimensions and becomes physically painful to look at from the outside>you two do this everyday, and Twilight is sick of having to take pain pills for the headaches you both cause
>>41151288Twicel is just mad she doesn't get to ride on anyone's shoulders.
>9
I like bigpone because I get to be the small spoon.
>>41151926that's why luna is perfect size: she can be either depending on the mood
>>41151933Lunachads keep winning
>>41151288>>41151134I want to cuddle the twicell.
>>41152452>twicellMonocellular pones were fun. Even if cumming inside one resulted in enough foals to cause a planet-destroying fatherly magic eruption.
Step aside, marelets. The most eligible bachelorette is taking the field.
>>41152510I liked monocellular pones with the eldritch angle of anon being (to them) an eldritch mass of billions of beings acting as a hivemind also applebloom wanting to befriend anon cause she had a "make a friend" class for school, and if she befriended Anon, she simultaneously had billions of friends, with the required upkeep of 1 friend.
>>41152773she’s so eligible bros…
>>41152773That thin line of lipstick looks very wrong and I don't know why.
>>41152946I'll tell you why- cuz those lips ain't pressed against mine!nah but really, it's not lined up with her mouth
>>41152946>>41153033it fits her character!
>>41153073>"You look great Moonie, but we both know you'd look better with a foal in you.">And there was much sexo>And much coping and gnashing of teeth by the marecels
>>41152908>by befriending Anon, Applebloom technically has more friends than anyone else in her class
>>41153428>by marrying Anon, Applejack technically has more horsebands than any mare in history ever.
>>41154026>Applejack's pregnancy is very odd>Mainly: she had one at all>Rather than several billion mitoses, she forms a large abdominal pocket almost, but not quite, like a cell wall>Inside is a single multicellular Apple Anonfilly (limited edition!)>Like, completely visible inside of Applejack's now stretched and jello-y exterior>Roseluck still won't do business with Applejack>As for the rest of the term?>It's surprisingly not inconvenient>A canon mare's fetus can, of course, disrupt her range of movement in many ways>A cellumare's fetus is simply suspended in a sack of mare-scented gelatin, which shifts position whenever needed>This has the hilariously disturbing effect of a gyro-stabilized fetus suspended in a very watery Applejack>The birth goes well, in that she just splits out the womb-cell like she would've had she not decided to marry the friendliest cosmic horror in town>Applejack just had several billion foals in one go>The Sweet Apple Acres family wins the blue ribbon at the Apple Clan Foal-off because of course they have one of those>Cousin Cosmic was sure she'd win for just splitting into quarters, dang it>Anon insists on naming the new collective Legion of Womb.
>>41154422>Legion of wombKek.
>>41154422>Legion of Womb.
So I had a pony dream this night. Don't think this was entirely the first one, but I don't really remember other ones. Since it felt vaguely RGRE related, here goes.>Be me.>Dreaming.>Dream starts with me somehow having knowledge in my head that I'm going on a date/booty call/hookup with a fae.>Yes, a fae. Not some sparkly fairy type of thing, but the medieval version of eldritch horror fae.>I almost immediately get a phone call to my mobile phone.>It's Lyra, being a sperg and hitting on me.>The conversation is weird. I don't remember any words, though I'm fairly certain both her and I talked during the dream.>Instead, I remember looking up at a huge brick bridge, on which multiple trains were passing by.>Despite me looking at it from the bottom at a sharp angle, I can see multiple trains pass by, as if they're moving at different heights.>There's pictures on the trains, on which my conversation with Lyra plays out, instead of words.>First train that passes by has a picture of Lyra, while the second one has her and Hope, her satyr fanon daughter.>I'm fairly certain there was something else, but I don't remember.>After that, the dream immediately cuts to me being inside a train, standing next to and looking at Lyra, who's sitting in the very back of the train.>She's old now. Mad old. A wrinkled old grandma. I assume I'm old now as well.>She's also the absolute fucking smuggest I ever saw someone be.>Like super fucking smug, seriously.>"Taking the whole train for a fun day out with the kids really was a great idea, huh?">The reason is probably the fact that the entire train is absolutely crammed with nothing but our offspring, who are having a whale of a time, shouting and being liddle shits, like kids do, though there's a fair amount of adults there as well. I assume that the kids are actually my grandchildren.>The. Entire. Train. >I don't know how I'm aware of this, but I am.>I agree with her, though I again don't remember speaking. I almost never speak in dreams.>After a moment, I feel like taking a step outside.>I casually appear outside the moving train, lesurly strolling alongside, observing the bizarre dreamscapes passing by.>It's a bit like a scene from that "void train" game, the tracks floating in a strange, fluctuating magical ether, various landscapes materializing and dematerializing as the train moves.>A big megacity, a colorful fog, etc.>I sometimes patch up the tracks beneath the train as I ponder on whatever happened to with the fae.>It's been in the back of my mind ever since I appeared in the train, since I kind of assumed that Lyra, being kind of a spergy weirdo, would have her butt kicked by the totally trixy fae.>But no, there's no sign of the fae anywhere. No sign of us having any kind of herding relationship of any kind. Just Lyra. Lyra, our legion of offspring, and a strange void train passing through dimensions.
>>41154542>and a strange void train passing through dimensions.That's the train that takes you to Equestria.
>>41154542>I ponder on that for a short while longer, walking alongside the train before I suddenly wake up.>It's at least an hour too early for me to get up, though I'd prefer to sleep for at least two more hours, really.>I can't fall asleep again, though. I feel uncomfortable, my heart rate has shot up, and sleep eludes me.>As I rake my mind over and over, I can't find any clues as to what happened to the fae.>I never even saw her. Just somehow had the knowledge that I was about to go to a date with one, and then... Old Lyra and me in the train.>I don't even waifu Lyra, nor do I like satyrs.>So what the hell happened? Where did the fae go?
>>41154561>Why did I dream of [pony I don't waifu] and I having 10 gorillion mutant foals?Your soul is pure and knows any mare is better than no mare. If tickets exist, yours is surely secure. Go in peace, Anon.
>>41154561Maybe Lyra was the fae?
I liked the prompt from a few months ago that Anon is in Hell and that's why the pony's behavior seems tailor made to irritate him.
>>41155342Me too. It was a fun prompt.
How buggy are changelings? Does bug spray hurt them, or is that just a racist caricature? The gender ratio bias makes the most sense for changelings, what with being ruled by a queen and all the worker drones being female. How do you think changeling males are treated? They're emotion-eating bug-monsters who burrow underground, there's got to be something creative in there.
>>41155443If we are basing changelings off of ants then male changelings would only have one job in the hive. That being to fertilize eggs. I could see changelings having even stricter gender roles than ponies with males only serving as breeding stock and nothing else.
>>41155443>How bug?Very bug. I'd say they have chitin exoskeletons and copper-based blood. It's why they can nullify other races' magic, but still use their own. They're different.>How to bug?Yes. They should have very few males. If other races have ~25%, changelings should have <10%. Like >>41155582 said, they would be little more than sperm producers. Hives would trade them as political tokens.They're not usually worked to death, or anything, but they don't get much in the way of luxuries. Most hives are love-starved, and drones only do one thing, and it's not all the time, so you can't feed your drones too much. And it is unheard of that one is metamorphosed into a specialist form.Is this /rgre/ or /bug/?
>>41154561>Where did the fae go?the wicked fae was repelled by the purity of the pony that fills your heart and soulsubconsciously, you chose a family with a mare you don't waifu over a hookup with a fae, and you were rewarded with a vision of you with a mare who loves you and your gorillion childrencongratulations, Anon, and godspeed to Equestria
>>41154422Now I want to know what a human/monocellular organism hybrid would look like.
>>41154422>Anon and Applejack's foal is, at first, a normal monocellular organism in the shape of a pony; despite Applejack's unusual pregnancy>As far as a mono/multi-cellular hybrid can be considered normal, anyway>Then Applejack notices something>The older her foal gets, the greener she gets>She initially dismisses this her filly growing up and "taking on her color" (I'm assuming mono-cellular ponies still look like normal ponies, despite their mono-cellular nature)>But then she discovers a disturbing fact>Thanks to her daughter's multi-cellular ancestry by ways of her father, she can do a few things that regular mono-cellular ponies can't>Whenever she went to the ol' swimmin' hole behind Sweet Apple Acres, she's been exposed to algae in the water>This hybrid filly has been absorbing the chloroplast of the algae, causing her to take on a green hue and giving her the ability to synthesize sunlight>Applejack, poor, simple monocellular creature she is, is horrified>Her daughter has taken on organelles from her environment>What is she?>WHAT IS SHE?!
>>41155582>>41155582>It's not even "you want a job to support yourself, sweetheart? Sure thing, sugardick">It's "you literally exist to spooge on my eggs, what the fuck do you mean 'voting rights', get back in the pit goddamnit"I bet first-time infiltrators struggle with showing empathy to non-changeling males. They've been conditioned their whole lives to see males as breeding stock and nothing more, but now that they're out in horseland they have to 'romance' the walking testicles? Maybe changeling queens send these greenhorns out to podunk towns in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere, where inexperienced, bumbling infiltrators can practice without risk of gaining the princess's attention.
>>41156187Wouldn't it make more sense for infiltrators to take the form of males? You know since it'd be way easier to get love that way. Or do infiltrators refuse to turn into stallions and seduce mares because that would be dykeish?
>>41156197Changeling mares have too much dignity to willingly take the form of a glorified sperm bank.
>>41156199That would explain why Chrysalis replaced Cadance instead of Shining.
>>41156200>Cadance is a ridiculously over the top misandrist.>So much so Shining doesn't notice when Chrysalis (also a raging misandrist) replaces his fiance.>Chryalis calls him a walking sperm bank, slaps his ass and tells him to get back to the kitchen.>Shining just goes "Hmm, she's in a good mood today."
>>41141297>Look at dem tentacles.>Swimming alone at night? He's asking for it.>Raise Ry'leigh up from the sea? Okay sweetie how about you raise me up a sandwhich first?
>>41156230>"You're going to usher in the crawling unending night and snuff out all life on this insignificant planet?">Aria crudely gestures to her fish-gina a few times>"How 'bout you usher in this puss instead?"And then she laughs, high-fives Adagio and Sonata, and swims away. Cthulhu-non cries himself to sleep that night.
>>41156234>This is why Chthulu doesn't visit Equestria anymore.
>>41156235>lower-dimension mortals only want one thing and it's fucking disgusting
you know what this thread needs? more doomstar anonicorn and ketchup-covered icecream stories
>>41156240It's NORAM, okay?!
>>41156178>cue Hesperides, aka Anon Jr., evolving into the ultimate lifeform
>>41156241>NORAMAGAIN, CHROME? WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS!
>>41156240Be the change you want to see.
>>41156240Anonicorn could have been good, not RGREnuff though
>>41156268Aww, but Anon! All she wants is over 300 megabytes of memory for a single page displaying a text document! Is that really so much to ask? Besides, 64 gigs of RAM is standard now, right? R-Right? God, I remember when 8 gigs of RAM was pushing it, and now 32 is more common. You know what was a fucking nightmare in the late 90's? Going through a giant list of soundblaster drivers and trying to figure out which one is yours so that you can play some fucking Warcraft 2 with music.
>>41156268>browsermaresnow those are mares i have not seen in a long timebig F to internet explorer mare
>>41156268>"We don't take kindly to browsermares round these parts"
>>41156347a220 irq5 dma1
>>41152272NO FUCKING WAY
>>41156492
>>41156230Eh, Dagon works better than Cthulhu in RGRE>Full title is Father Dagon.>Consort of Mother Hydra, the true ruler of the Deep Ones, he’s just the stay-at-home dad.>Prime specimen of his species, just look at that tail.>Has sired so many children.>The original undersea DILF.>The Deep Ones’ dad has got it going on.Also fun fact, all hybrid Deep One’s are the result of a female Deep One and a male human. Literal man stealers.>Deep Ones arrive in Equestria.>Do their thing, set up shop near some unsuspecting costal village.>A cult is formed right underneath the watchful gaze of Celestia. Pretty easy to do just look at Starlight.>Podunk town mysteriously gets way more rich. But stallions start to go missing.>Since there’s so few stallions in Equestria the royal guard takes notice quickly.>Too late, Deep One’s have snatched up plenty of horsebands for their schools ( thefishy equivalent of a herd).>Nine months later the first documented sightings of Sirens occur of the coast of Horseshoe Bay.
>>41156347>You know what was a fucking nightmare in the late 90's?Wanting to play a game after you get home from school but your mom is having a 5 hour and 43 minute long phone call with her sister? Early-mid 2000s, but still.
>>41157475God, the hours-long talks over the phone with auntie-whoever. I get it now as an adult, and I'm glad that my mom and her sisters kept in touch and were on such good terms with each other. But when I was a kid, they were the bane of my existence. And don't get me started on how ass Windows 95 was. I'm sitting on my ass trying to install Peter Pan, and then it blue-screens on installation floppy disk 3 of 5 because fuck me I guess.
>>41157491>ywn manually install programs in the days before the installation wizard>Which is to say, >ywn be a small child whose dad has to manually install Sim Town for him to playYou have no idea how good you have it.
>>41157349If Internet Explorer were an actual pony who went and brought me websites, it would be worth any wait. Celestia having my internet data is much better than it going to Microshit anyway.
An Anonicorn prompt >Be Princess Celestia>Currently overseeing Canterlot and awaiting the inevitable descent of your sister's moon>You wait until you feel her magic surround the area and you take your position in raising the sun>This used to be the highlight of your day (eyy)>But now, something came up that made it your all-time favorite>Up until last week, only you and your sister had the power to controll the celestial bodies>But then, one morning you felt somepony else's magic take control >This isn't the work of a group of rogue unicorns, no>It was done by one lone entity>Another alicorn>At first, you were overjoyed at the idea of another one of your species is alive>But then dread sets in that they had the idea and power to control the sun>It started to devolve into a tug of war of sorts>You made sure Luna and all of your little ponies didn't know about your morning scuffle>But one day ,out of genuine curiosity, you decided to let them take control>Granted this was a very risky maneuver, considering your letting a stranger control an aspect of nature that could plunge Equestria into a scorching hellhole or ice age>So you observed how the alicorn controlled your sun>You could tell they were pouring more than necessary magic in changing its trajectory>Likely a novice in magic?>But the sun's location is adjusted around 1 hour previous of its destination>This continued every morning>You decided to probe this alicorn's magic>When two unicorn's magic interwine, like say holding the same object, they are able to feel each other>Their appearance, their attitude, even memories if one overpowers the other>That's exactly what you did >As soon as they grasped the sun, you interwined your own magic alongside theirs>It was akin to holding someone's hoof, but in this case, you were just guiding theirs>You took a deep breath and let their magic slowly pour into yours and...>Oh my>You open your eyes and release your hold over the sun>Your face felt hot at what you had just seen>The alicorn is a male>Male unicorn magic is a bit distinct compared to females>Though that thought is starting to be disputed by the stallionists funnily enough>But you know for a thousand years that a colt's magic is distinct enough for you to know for a fact a male alicorn is trying to reach the sun>This revelation shook your entire world>But you also want to keep it a secret>This was the most interesting thing that happened in your immortal life>But you also felt bad in leaving Luna in the dark>Maybe one day when she's ready for you and her to track down this missing alicorn>As the sun rose on your command, a familiar tug was felt>You honed in on that feeling and held it tight>Suddenly your mind envisions the magic coursing through you>A quaint cabin, surrounded by wooden furniture>A hoof blocks the sun's light>Then you blink, back at the balcony once again
Question. Anon is an easily-tricked rube. Would it not be easy for a mare to try and trick him into giving her a smooch? Does this look like the face of mercy?
>>41157847>Implying Anon needs to be tricked.
>>41157835>An Anonicorn promptBased. Thank you anon.
>>41157835>>But the sun's location is adjusted around 1 hour previous of its destination>Anon is really upset that this new world doesn't have daylight's saving, and has made it his mission as an alicorn to correct that
>>41157835>It was the same thing and you sigh in frustration>By then, the sun was a little more ways back at where it's supposed to be>You could adjust it later>But for know, this day's attempt on learning where the alicorn is unsuccessful>You ordered some of your covert scouts and vanguards to search for remote cabins in Equestria>But none yielded adequate results>Still the feeling of his magic mixing with your own is an unforgettable feeling>Your face burns and you let out a marely giggle>Yes very marely>Turning towards your royal regalia seated at your room, you put on your princess face>For now, you have a kingdom to rule>Be Anon>Get isekai'd in some sort of fantasy land>As a horse>Not just any horse, some sort of hybrid between a unicorn and a pegasus>A pegacorn if you will>First day was a disaster since your mind isn't really used to quadrupedal travel>But you can shoot spells that blow up trees and rocks>That usually helped with the hostile wild life>But then came the food and water problem>You don't got any>You tried eating the grass but you just wanted to throw up after swallowing it>That was a no go>Eating meat taken from fish and dead animals somewhat helped but it felt like your digestive system was having an identity crisis>Also you took up shelter in trees and caves>It was more or less like this for the first few days of your miserable life>Until a bunch of short talking horses approached you>They called themselves ponies and this particular group was made up of farmers>They took you to their home, which is a small town filled other ponies, and gave you a warm meal and a bed>Corn Clan, they called themselves, which made you giggle a bit>Still you were grateful for their help>Papee Corn, or his real name Parag, was the patriarch and the one who strongarmed in taking you in when you first rejected their offer>A stand-up guy, gentle to his own kin unless they needed discipline>Mamee Corn, aka Terra, was the matriarch, short, sweet, and the head of the family, she and her bloodline made the land foster corn and corn produces>Strict against her own family but dotes on you like precious chinaware>And finally we have Uniqua Corn, or just shortened to Uni(kek), is the eldest sister of the family>She is the one who helped settle you in to her family>You two were inseparable to say the least>She is more or less the tallest of the family, while also being the strongest>Until you came along that is>You were naturally strong and are able to use magic (either explosions or pushing/pulling things at least)>While you could tell she had her pride chipped by your presence, she was nonetheless supportive of you and was right by your side whenever you two did manual labor>In any case, this was more or less your life until last week you discovered something about your magic
>>41157864>It was around one morning, you were at the end of a large single-row bed belonging to the younger children of the Corn Family>You were the last to get on the bed so you had to suffer the worst spot in the room>Right near the window>And every morning, you were forced to suffer the blinding light of the sun burning directly into your eyes>You just wanted 5 for minutes of sleep goddammit>But then to your shock, the sun's rays started to move backwards>The light shimmered back form where they came from and the sky grew dimmer>Your big ass horn was glowing and it was the only thing illuminated in the room>You can turn back time>Feel like Lex Luthor becoming Superman >It's like discovering a really awesome, yet terrifying part about yourself>Never tell this to anyone in the family>Not even to Uni>You didn't want to screw up something so you decided to practice this newfound skill of yours everyday at the same time without anyone else noticing it>Every morning, before the Corn Family wakes up, at the same window>You more or less experiment with how much you can reverse time>The maximum amount you allowed yourself was 1 hour rewind>More or less, it became a hobby of yours>But then something else happened>Time was fighting back>You felt it tug back against >You were cocky and decided to give Father Time the middle finger>So you more or less tussled with the invisible force>Sometimes you won, sometimes you lost>Other times it didn't even pull back against you>But now something was going on>You were starting to feel weird during the rewind time>Like someone was watching you>You didn't want to take any chances so you made sure to do the deed before the weird feeling started to grow too much from your liking>"Rise and shine everypony!">The voice of Uni woke every single earth filly and foal from their beds and raced out of the room>But you were still bed, trying to catch some Zs>Uni slowly walked to your side of the bed with an unimpressed look>"You know it's time for everypony to wake up.">Emphasizing the everypony part, you turned to face her "Well the sun's not up yet so...">You snuggle against your pillow while Uni rolled her eyes>"I still don't know what the buck is happening right now. But I could tell it's something to do with you Anonee.">Suppress a giggle since you feel like Loki right now"Not really my fault, don't know any magic besides blowing stuff up and well moving boxes of corn.">You flash her a smug grin and she turns away (blushing) while muttering something about 'colt magic'>"Anyway, the sun ain't cooperating but the clock does. Be down in 5 minutes or breakfast is gone.">With that, she walks away leaving you alone in the room>Well can't have work without an empty stomach>Corn is starting to grow on you>You pulled off the large blanked and stretched like a cat, letting your wings out for no one to see>Time to go to work
Swipe left or right, fellas?
>>41158048>A medical doctor and two princesses have written and signed a document confirming that I have no soul.Same. Oh what the hell, what could possibly go wrong at this point…
>>41157888>fresh anonicorn green>it's goodkeep it up writefren I look forward to more
>>41157864>>You tried eating the grass but you just wanted to throw up after swallowing it>Anon has the body and teeth of a pony, but the diet of a human
>Slip Stream sat on the cloud high above Ponyville. It was early on a Saturday. Normally, she’d be sleeping until noon when her dad would force her to get up, but her mother had insisted that they get up with the sun. Her mother stood next to her at that moment, the wind blowing through her mane.>Slip could feel the butterflies in her stomach. While her mom was a few steps away, to her, it felt like she was breathing directly down her neck. It was hard not to feel anxious, but she did her very best. Peeking over the cloud, she scanned the ground below.>She could see ponies in the market. Over the wind, she could just make out laughter as well as shouts. She could see some of her friends walking around with their parents. There was Mrs. Cheerilee buying some candy. There was Princess Twilight and her dragon assistant buying some carrots. Just below their cloud, she watched as Derpy flew through the air, her saddlebags filled with mail.>“Now take your time,” she heard her mother say. “There’s no need to rush. The worst thing you can do is hurry this up. You understand, kiddo?”“Yes, ma’am,” Slip replied.>She heard her mother move closer to her.>“Now, he’s not going to be hard to spot at all, but for a normal stallion picking him out of a crowd can be tricky, especially if he doesn’t have a flashy coat or mane. My mom taught me it was always better to focus on the little things. How their manes were styled, did they wear something that would make them stand out. Today we don’t need to worry about that, alright? Right now, all I want you to do is spot him and get ready.”>Slip nodded her head. She leaned further out, her eyes scanning until she found her target. Like her mom had said, he wasn’t hard to find at all. With how big she was, she would have been able to pick him out all the way in Canterlot.>Anonymous the hyoo-man was wandering the marketplace. There was a bag bigger than her held casually in one of his hands. The hyoo-man didn’t seem to be in any hurry, looking at each stall and chatting with ponies.>He dwarfed even the biggest mare and stallion. Heck, Slip had seen how huge Celestia was and even she’d have to look up at him. Not only was he tall, but he was wide as well; not in a fat way or anything--she’d never call a colt fat, even an alien colt--but he [i]was[/i] wide. The kind of stallion you could hide behind.>Big critters were nothing really new in Ponyville. The town was spitting distance from the Everfree. Hydras, Manticores, Ursa Majors, and even bigger things were commonplace. What was interesting with Anon was that he was large, and he was shockingly patient with ponies.
>>41158554>Slip’s mom had told her stories that happened back when she was really, really little that some ponies in town did that Anon had just laughed away. Situations where a normal stallion would call the guard and arrests would be made. Over the years, this tolerance had been pushed and some would say abused by the town; what Slip and her mother were currently doing being a prime example.>It was a grand pegasi tradition for a mare to swoop down and steal her mate for marriage. It was something that had been happening long before recorded history, and would continue into the far future. Most mares were given some advice by the older ladies in their lives, maybe they’d be able to watch a swoopening happen live, but there really wasn’t a way to practice. Not on somepony alive and who wouldn’t kick the cutiemark off one’s flank for trying it. That was where Anon came in.>The hyoo-man didn’t mind being swooped. He was so darn big that he made a very easy target, and he was heavy enough that he couldn’t be picked up. He also had no family who would attack a pegasus that was just trying to learn the ropes.>Sure, it still wasn’t completely "safe". A mare going too fast would end up crashing into the hyoo-man’s back and wind up getting her front teeth knocked out for her trouble. He could also make a sudden turn and have them crashing into something hard and painful. Most ponies were used to the pegasi’ shenanigans, but on occasion a mare or stallion new in town might try to intervene. Anon did, on occasion, like to reach back and marehandle a would-be swooper, petting and scratching her whilst dozens of ponies watched on in amusement. Still, despite all that, every pegasus in Ponyville treasured the alien colt and how he helped their little ones.>“Do you see him?” Slip’s mom asked.“Yes ma’am,” Slip replied with a little nod.>“Alrighty. In that case, why don’t we give this a go? Stand up.”>Slip did as her mother asked. She ruffled her feathers, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. Her mom, as if sensing her unease, leaned down to give her a nuzzle.>“You’ll do [i]fine[/i],” she said. “Now, remember, jump off this cloud and give a big flap, then tuck your wings and let yourself fall, alright?”“Alright.”>“You want to fall towards him, but not too fast. If you go too fast, you’ll smash into him, and your father will kill me if you get your nose busted. So, if you think you’re picking up too much speed, use your wings to slow yourself, but not too slow. If you’re too slow, somepony might smack you before you can try to pick ‘em up. Understand?”
>>41158555“I think so…”>“Good. When you’re close enough, aim for under his arms. When you get a hold of him flap your wings as hard as you can. You aren’t gonna be able to pick ‘em up, but don’t get discouraged. When you finally find yourself some lucky mister you’ll be able to pick him up real easy, because you’re my strong little girl. Remember: fast, but not too fast, slow down if you need to, and for Celestia’s sake don’t hurt yourself.”>Slip’s mom gave her a pat on the rump.>“Go get ‘em.”>Slip didn’t think. She knew if she would have started thinking she would have freaked out and frozen. She couldn’t do that; not in front of her mom. If she did freeze she was completely certain that she’d never hear the end of it.>The young pegasus leapt into the air, her hooves outstretched. She flapped her wings hard, which sent her twenty feet upward in an instant. Slip felt vertigo, but she kept her wings close to her sides and her hooves out as she began to fall.>Her mother yelled something, but she didn’t catch it as the wind began to pound in her ears. She could feel it tugging at her fur and feathers as she fell, picking up speed. It took considerable effort not to unfurl her wings. While she did spend a lot of time in the air, she really wasn’t used to falling, especially like this.>A hundred feet down, she had to squint to be able to see. She could feel her heart pounding in her ears. The ground was getting closer and closer by the second. It felt like if she’d blink, she’d crash right into it. Feeling anxiety twist in her gut, the young mare gave her wings a quick flap. It threw off that perfect arch toward the hyoo-man that she had been on, but it slowed her down to a more manageable speed.>Through her narrowed eyes, she could still see Anon. He hadn’t moved from his spot. No pony was in her way. As far as she could tell, nopony had even noticed her yet. She was going to get him. She was going to get him!>Slip flapped her wings again, this time forcing herself to go faster. She flew over the top of stalls, then in between them, dodging and weaving around flags and poles and the occasional balloon. Her eyes were glued right in the center of Anon’s back. >He was just thirty feet away. Twenty. Ten. Remember what mom said and just hoof your hooves right under his arms and [i]lift[/i]!>Her hooves touched the clothing of his back. Slip let out a triumph cry. That cry turned into a yelp when the hyoo-man spun around. She had never seen anything move so fast. He was like a blur the second she touched him. She felt arms wrap around her barrel, then she found herself spinning and spinning, so quickly that the world turned into a mess of colors.
>>41158557>Anon, spinning in circles so he could safely slow the mare in his arms, let out a laugh. “Looks like I caught me an adorable little horse,” he said.>It took a few seconds for Slip to collect herself as the hyoo-man’s spinning slowed to a stop. When the world stopped spinning, she was able to focus up at the hyoo-man’s grinning face.>“Is that you, Slip Steam?” he said. “I thought so. I saw that orange mop of hair up on that cloud. You might want to put a cap on to hide it when you want to swoop that special somepony.”>He lifted her up somewhat and, in front of Celestia and everypony, blew a raspberry right onto her stomach. Slip’s eyes widened in horror. She tried to wrench herself free, but the hyoo-man’s grip was like iron.>“You know, you used to let me hold you like this when you were really little,” he said, ignoring her squirming. “You’d laugh and laugh when I’d blow on your tummy.”>He blew another raspberry on her stomach. Out of the corner of Slip’s eye, she could see that cute colt that she liked in class. He was with his friends. All of them were watching her. Heat flooded the young pegasus’ face as Anon nuzzled her stomach like an affectionate father. >She was trapped. Her mother wasn’t going to fly down here and try to get Anon off of her. If she tried that she might end up in the hyoo-man’s arms too. Slip tried flapping her wings and kicking her legs as hard as she could, but she may as well have been trying to push apart a mighty oak. She didn’t even have the dignity of hiding herself with her wings. All she could do was lie in Anon’s arms, desperately wishing she was somewhere else.>“You still got that belly from when you were little, huh?”>Oh, by harmony did she wish at that moment to just explode.
What she sayin?
>>41157888>corn family finds a MALE alicorn>tells no one>"we just get him enamored with the eldest, and BAM! We're instant royalty!">"THE CHILDREN OF THE CORN WILL RULE ONE MORE!">"hush you silly mare"Surely nothing could go wrong
>>41157888Enjoying this story so far!
>>41158885>male aliCORNClearly it's a sign.
>>41158640Don't know why, but I can see her also running aerodynamics sims for man, stallion and the general cock shape of both.
>>41158559Wonderful short green, anon. Very cute.
>>41158559She never stood a chance.
>>41158885>Celestia, being Celestia, is highly amused by the political chicanery>More than that, she finally has a convenient dumping ground>Blueblood suspected nothing>Not even when his coachmare had sudden diarrhea and had to stop the carriage right outside a cornfield>Perhaps, if he ever had a thought in his pretty little head, he would've thought it suspect that she dared mention a bodily function to a stallion of his breeding>Needless to say, by the time she returned, her ward was gone and somewhere in the fields a princess was getting pregnant>All according to keikaku
>>41158640>ywn spoil ur waifu with oatsJust end it, famalamadingdong.
>>41159597Can oats be a fancy thing to ponies? Is there such thing as gourmet oats, or are they just the sort of shit you can buy on Earth? Asking for a friend
Question. Do you think ponies have higher body temperatures, or lower body temperatures when compared to humans?
>>41159597>"Anon, for the love of Celestia cook anything other than oats.">"Or maybe we can order takeout. Hayburgers or carrotdogs...">"Nope." Anon says as he shovels another helping of oats onto the dinner table.
>>41159899I like to imagine ponies are naturally very warm. Perfect
>>41159901Meant to say perfect for cuddles. Got cut off there.
>>41159900>Raw, machine-cut oats
>>41159906It worked either way.
>>41159900A steady diet of oats keeps your mare stromg and healthy so she can bring home the haybacon.
>>41159900>Waifu is laying on her side on the kitchen floor, weeping>All he ever feeds her is oats>He doesn't even cook them'>Mom always told her that she'd kick her daughter's flank if she got a divhorse
>>41159868>>41159900>>41159927It all comes back to the Great Oat Thief, Loyrah. If she didn't keep stealing the hyoo-mans oats, he wouldn't have to spend all his money on restocking, thus making it so he can't buy anything else.
>>41159900>"Why are you doing thi-!?">"You have to eat ALL the oats."
>>41159949>How Lyra saved Ponyville from a confused colt Tartarus-bent on purchasing power toolsLike a hero.
Pinkie Pie and Applejack are chubby chasers. I don't know why but it feels right.
>>41159960Pinkie Pie for sure, every fatty-lover I knew naturally liked to cook. Applejack I doubt a bit, because she doesn't appreciate lazy-bones.
>>41159977>because she doesn't appreciate lazy-bonesEh, a light chub on her stallion is how a farming mare knows she's doing good. Strong-fat is a thing anyway.
Mare's face when she sees you doing something dangerous that a stallion would never do.
I could really go for a mare whose pussy tastes like hummus.
>>41159915>so she can bring home the haybaconWhich Anon promptly confiscates and replace with more oats
>>41160082"I'm going to take the tag off the mattress and there's nothing you can do to stop me!"
>>41158559MOAR
>>41160082Joke's on her, not only have I burned myself while soldering many times before, I had a drop of solder actually land on me. Not as painful as one might think, at least after a second or five.Now if she'd stop staring and hold that damn wire so I could reattach it without having to hold both it and the solder like some goddamn chopsticks…Rosin flux smells nice btw. I wonder if those horses would come up with some less dangerous lead-less solder that isn't as finicky as the ones we have.>ywn fuck about with old electronics to build some shabby radio receiver so you can listen to some tunes as you help your geeky horse-gf-and-wife-to-be-who-doesn't-know-it-yet that's her indian name btw
>>41159995>Anon mostly stays in and helps Granny with the cooking>She plans on teaching Anon her recipes so that he can cook for Applejack>Naturally, he has to sample his cooking to make sure he's doing it right>Anon is unhappy that he's put on a little weight as a result>Applejack has conflicted feelings she didn't expect to feel
>>41160082How much of a mare's concern for her stallion is genuine protectiveness, and how much of it is condescending "you're not supposed to do that"?
>>41155443>>41155582>>41155856I've done some headcanon about this and had a story idea knocking around:Male breeders are assigned to groups of changelings, with groups usually organised by task and specialisation. Small squads of elite fighters are luckiest, only sharing their breeder with a dozen or two battle sisters. At the bottom of the food chain, vast swaths of menial labourers have to manage their single male. Many changeling mares never mate, breeders are a reward for utility and results, and competition is fierce.Breeders are precious, and affectionately cared for, but expected to be profusely servile and accommodating. Most of a breeder's down time is spent on grooming and preparing themselves to be as pleasant for their mares as possible. A chipper, infantile attitude is inculcated in them, and their more competent female hivemates talk down to them as one would to a child.Hives generally have guarded male quarters, which their mares will check them in and out of between use. Lots of green glowing light and nutrient baths and whatever else bugs would consider luxurious.>One day the most righteous, upstanding, chivalrous paladin of a pony mare finds a lost changeling male, and swears upon her honour to reunite him with his hive. Easier said than done when he's supposed to be the designated plaything of the Hive's most deranged unit of elite assassins. To make matters worse, the brainwashed, submissive little colt keeps offering her the darkest temptation she's ever faced. Can our heroine smuggle a changeling through unsympathetic pony lands? Can she avoid being killed by jealous bug assassins? Can she show her new friend that not all mares are the same? Can she keep her hooves to herself long enough to prevent a war?
>>41160845>Can she keep her hooves to herself?Is he supposed to starve?! What is that mare thinking?
>>41160845That sounds excellent, I accept it as my personal headcanon.>>41160888That's exactly what the changeling male said to her, the slut/
>>41160845>>41160888>"Paladin, paladin, I'm hungry! We need to have sex! Please, my big bag o' jewels is aching for release and my hooves hurt! Can we at least have a quick roll in the hay? Please, palahahahaadin! Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasewithacherrytopop!""No way bug.">*frustrated cricket sounds*
>>41160888Some good new tensions just from the small tweak there>If she doesn't plap him he'll die and changelings will want war>If she does plap him his mistresses will seethe and kill her, pony society will reject her as a freak, and it will undermine her perceived duty to teach him the dignity that chivalry prescribes for colts>He doesn't know any of this and just assumes it's his job to offer himself up to whatever mare acts like she's in charge of him, and that if she rejects him it's because he did something wrong / wasn't tempting enough. Actually has no problem with this lifestyle, totally works for him and is rooted in his biology, he's a perfectly adjusted male of his species.
>>41161010>and that if she rejects him it's because he did something wrongI bet the guilt would eat her alive once she realizes that "this poor sexually abused colt" thinks like this.>tfw the cute buggy rape victim keeps trying to touch your va-jay-jay>tfw he's obviously been brainwashed his entire life to sexually serve mares>conflicted_whiteknight_neighs.scroll
>>41161010>>41161017Here's a thought to add a little twist.If he's well-adjusted, he may come to view his own attractiveness as something to be genuinely proud of in a healthy way (for his species).So, by rejecting him offering himself up to her, she's actually hurting his feelings.Just an idea to make the poor gal feel even more conflicted about her task.
>Be Anon>Be a normal fella>Pretty even keel; not poor, not rich, need to work pretty hard for all the stuff you have>One day come home from work>It had been a long day>Got in early, stayed late, and worked in the hot sun kind of long>You barely make in it the house, and there she is>A strange lady you don't know>In your house>Sitting on your sofa as casual as could be>She had looked up at you with a smile while you just sort of stood there, confused>Getting up, she walked over and gave you a kiss, welcoming you home with a wink and a slap on the butt>Again, you had never met this woman in your life>She told you about her work while leading you into the kitchen>You both ate hotdogs for dinner since, "she wasn't as good of a cook as you, but figured she'd make something since you looked so tired">After eating, she took you to the bathroom and helped you get undressed and cleaned>Like, she got in the shower with you and everything>You were so tired and flummoxed that you just sort of let this happen>What else could you do>Call the cops?>What the fuck would you even tell them?>With your luck, they might end up arresting you>She hadn't murdered you or anything yet, so that meant it was alright maybe?>For all you knew, this was just some weird dream>You had passed out on your couch and would wake up>It was the first time in a good long while you had seen a woman naked, so you weren't going to complain>After the shower, you were lead to your bed>The strange lady pulled you into it, smooshing your face between the biggest tits you had ever personally seen and started running her fingers through your hair>You were out in under a minute you thing>When you did wake up, she was still there>You were in the same place>Unmurdered>With all of your organs as far as you could tell>If it was a long time with you had seen a woman naked, you couldn't remember the last time you had woken up being held by someone>It was amazing>Like a deep clean for the soul you guessed>When the strange mystery women woke up with a smile and say good morning, that was just the cherry on top>It took two more days before you found out that her name was Sunset>She never did leave your house>Every time you came home she was there to welcome you>Nothing in your house was stolen, you were never threatened, no other strangers just appeared>She was just... living there>You started noticing her clothing mixed with yours when you wanted to wash them>She started fixing some things around the house>A door frame you had been meaning to replace, putting in that new sink upstairs>Hell, she even recarpeted your stairs>When you asked about it she laughed and told you that it was her job>"What kind of woman would she be if she didn't keep the house nice?" she had said
>>41161590>Along with the house work, and the mowing--boy did she seem to LOVE to mow the grass-- she was always there for dinner and the shower>She would make dinner, but seemed much happier whenever you'd make it>Sometimes you both would stay up a little while after the shower, other times you'd be led to the bed where you'd fall asleep in her arms>Rinse and repeat>You were still thoroughly confused as to why she was here, but eventually you were afraid to kind of>As pathetic as it was, you didn't want her to go>It would feel weird to just work up the courage and kick her out>She put in new windows for your bedroom last week; it'd be rude to kick her out>Besides, from the way she was so confident and casual, maybe there was something wrong with you?>Like all the overtime you had been doing had done something to your brain that made you forget her>Like she was your girlfriend, or wife or something?>If that was the case why freak her out?>Just roll with it>If you played your cards right you could get her to put wooden flooring in the living room>That'd have to be in a few weeks though, since she insisted that you were going to have a date night soon~_~_~_~_~_~>Be Sunset >You hadn't believed Cadence>Who in Celestia's name would just be okay with someone breaking into their house and acting like they lived there?>Especially a stallion>Alien or not, it was still a colt>And alien world or not, breaking and entering with still a serious crime>But you had overestimated the hyoo-mans>Anonymous had folded like a wet blanket the first night he had gotten an ounce of affection>He didn't say a darn thing>He had just let you take complete control>You did just like the Princess of Love said; be attentive and loving>While you were of nobility, you were a handy mare>You fixed some things around his house>Made him a meal or two>Gave him a little massage and made sure to scent mark him so whores would know to stay clear>Just the most basic things, but whenever you did them Anon acted like you were going above and beyond>He also would just stare at you, like you were an alicorn of something>The colts at home never thought you were anything special, Celestia's student or no>With him though, you were the mareliest mare in the world>It was at the point where you were pretty sure you'd be able to convince him to get married, and he wouldn't bat an eye>He asked no questions, raised no objections, he just went along with all this >Eagerly as far as you could tell>Were the colts here so abused that with just a little affection they'd fold like this?>It was almost too good to be true>And sad>Really sad>Anon here was a good looking stallion, and hardworking as well, with his own house for Celestia's sake!>A good cook too>Back home you'd be fighting to get into a herd with a stallion like this, but here you could have him to yourself>An absolutely intoxicating thought
>>41161634>A stallion to snuggle, and hug, and grope and smooch>All yours>You were glad that you had been sent to this planet with the vanguard>Imagine having to try to find a colt once everypony else was here!Horse woman gaslights you into a relationship where you end up with horse children and going to horse church as a family. Imagine.
>>41161634>>Were the colts here so abused that with just a little affection they'd fold like this?>>It was almost too good to be true>>And sad>>Really sadSmash cut to Sunset/[Mare of your choice] beating up a lady who was mean to (you).
>>41161590>Getting up, she walked over and gave you a kiss, welcoming you home with a wink and a slap on the butt>Again, you had never met this woman in your life>She told you about her work while leading you into the kitchen>You both ate hotdogs for dinner since, "she wasn't as good of a cook as you, but figured she'd make something since you looked so tired"fucking kek.
>>41160765>Granny Smith grabs Applejack's shoulder>"Look dearie, any mare that doesn't like a bit of chub on their colts clearly haven't had therr face sat on.">"Back in the day, mah record was 3 minutes before I needed air."
>>41161794>"Granny, yah sick."
>>41155443Applying insect behavior to changelings is fun.>Be (You)>Against all odds you successfully romance Chrysalis>You're now a changeling prince>Weird how you're the only one>Wedding night roles around>Chrysalis can't stop talking about how much she wants head>Mares am I right?>It isn't until her fangs are clamped down around your skull that you realize what she actually meant
>>41161675>>41161639>Be Jon Doe>Anon's cousin>One day, a weirdo magical girl appeared in your house>You tried to ask her to leave, but he politely declined>Not one to create conflict, you sort of just left her to it>She didn't talk much>You thought she was a mute until you asked her to leave, and even then she said two words, "no thanks">Nothing else really after that>She seemed to be a music lover>You went and bought her one of those i pod squares and upgraded it so that he could hold ten thousand songs >Filling it up with as many illegal downloads as you could, you gave it to her>She REALLY liked that>Now, most nights, she'd have you sit down next to her, one earbud in her ear and the other in yours while you listened to music together>Most of the time, she liked to hold your hand while doing so>One night, the two of you were just walking around town>You wanted to get something to eat and asked the strange girl to come with you>May as well you figured>While on the way to a local shop, you saw your ex Stacy>You tried to say hello>Stacy, being Stacy immediately started yelling at you>When you both had been dating, she had blamed her temper on being Italian>By the end of your relationship, you had a sneaking suspicion it might have simply been because she was an asshole>The magic girl was a lot prettier than Stacy, and you have a feeling she didn't like that much, especially when she saw you were holding hands>She called you creepy>Pathetic>A loser who obviously hired a prostitute to try to look cool>You just tried to tune her out, ready for ten minutes or so of this verbal lashing before she tied herself out>That is until the magic girl let go of you hard>She looked less than happy at your ex, her red eyes narrowed>Stacy, being Stacy, turned her attention toward the girl and started shouting>She might have gotten two words in before a fist connected to her face>You heard her nose broke as she went down with a squeal>The mystery girl have your ex a few hard kicks to the side for good measure>Then you heard shouting from down the road, and the girl grabbed your hand>Before anyone could stop you, you both took off down the road back toward home>Once there you hard the woman speak again>Her name was Vinyl>Vinyl Scratch>And she wasn't going to let any "filthy stupid dyke" talk to you like that again>You both ended up on the couch not long after, listening to music, your head resting against her chest and her arm slung protectively over you
>>41161933See, this is how Chrysalis' hive ended up the way it did; she kept eating the heads off her partners. She didn't think about the long-term regarding love sources.
>>41162116Having her beefcake and eating it too.
>>41161933>The entire hive is invited to the wedding>All the changelings are super emotional and teary eyed>The male changelings keepong saying things like "Enjoy the rest of your life Anon." or "I hope you have a long honeymoon.">The female ones can't seem to look you in the eye>For some reason all of Chrysalis' vows involve food metaphors
>>41161921>"No sicker than when I drank 3 quarts o' scrumpy, lured yer granpappy into a hole and squeezed yer dad out the followin' spring!"
>>41161794>Mares love the ol' natural.>*Inhales sharply*>It is a biologically proven that a mare's vagina must get wet at natural beauty.>Any mare that can't get their vagina wet for colts that look like the bucking Michelin Mare are rapists and sexist pigs.>If ponies were procreating millions of years before the invention of makeup, you don't need makeup.>If you think about it, toilet paper did not exist until just after Princess Luna was banished, and that was still in its experimental stage.>You can see here that toilet paper was a concept created by just some gay yeti.>So if you think about it, before a thousand years ago, toilet paper was not a thing, and anthropologically speaking, colts have been sitting on the faces of mares for thousands and thousands of years, long before the invention of toilet paper.>Eghh, and of course toilet paper was invented by a mare; trying to suppress our standards.>Pphh, excuse me. If we don't want to wipe, we don't want to wipe, damn gay yeti. Yeah, buck you. Nopony's been wiping 'til now.>Biologically, mares are designed to enjoy the unfiltered scent of the *Inhales autistically*>The CLUNGE.>You following me here?>If you want a real mare who's gonna appreciate you for who you really are, Don't Wipe, ever!>Like Bra, like Rockhoof from the bucking Pillars of Old Equestria; you think they had toilet paper?>They only had rocks. Who the buck is going to wipe themselves with a rock?>But you know Somnambula has been burying her nose in that ass.>If you think a bit of smegma is going to stop Somnambula, you get your horseapples together. Come on brotha.>Where did mares come from? That's right, mares came from balls; it's what they're comfortable with, and smelling the stankiest balls of all time will bring them back to the time their dad stood guard over them, and they'll crawl right back under.>It's all anthropology colt, you can't argue with the facts.
>>41161634>>He asked no questions, raised no objections, he just went along with all this >>Eagerly as far as you could tell>>Were the colts here so abused that with just a little affection they'd fold like this?>>It was almost too good to be true>>And sad>>Really sadY-Yeah, sure is...
>>41161639>Horse woman gaslights you into a relationship where you end up with horse children and going to horse church as a family. Imagine.>Imagine.>Imagine.>Imagine.
>>41161933>3buggy5me
>>41162101>>You both ended up on the couch not long after, listening to music, your head resting against her chest and her arm slung protectively over youI'd be way more into music if I had someone to share and listen to it with.
>>41162199Pinkie Pie, why are you like this?
>>41162257https://youtu.be/z-kWZIBmdoY?t=272
>>41162101Need chivalrous mare
>>41162286Ah, Frank. The internet's collective spirit-faggot.
>>41162101>>You both ended up on the couch not long after, listening to music, your head resting against her chest and her arm slung protectively over youLiterally all I want in life.
>>41162235>>41162384Why the fuck do I want to be rescued from society by a mare, bros?
>>41162440I just want to be wanted.
>>41162445Is premarital cuddling frowned upon in RGRE?
>>41162488no, but it is a level of intimacy that's seen as only one or two steps prior to the formality of horse!marriage
>>41162488>>41162544If casual cuddling with your marey friends on the park bench is wrong then I don't want to be right.
If you cuddle with a mare you don't intend to horsemarry you are a whore
>>41161933>Chrysalis wants to get into Anon's pants badly>His ballmusk has been driving mares crazy, and for a changeling's heightened smell sense that's a constant lust-inducing onslaught.>Problem is, the resident human vehemently reduces all of Chrysalis' advances, citing absolutely nonsensical, made up, offensive and, frankly saying, disquieting myths regarding changeling mating behaviors.>*sad and hurt bughorse noises*
>>41162445Ditto.
>>41162577It doesn't help that, since food and love are the same thing for changelings, she does use a lot of food metaphors in her sweet-talk. not to mention the proposed wedding vows that Anon found, that Chrysalis thought she had carefully hidden
>ywn challenge mares to prove their mareliness by eating a can of surströmming
>>41162440Because you're a mentally-ill emotional wreck of a man who's been starved for affection his whole life.N-no, I'm not projecting, you're projecting!
>>41162101>try that in Florida>get shot
>>41161634>>41161590I want to clockwork orange a magic girl with hours of crystal cafe posts and see what would happen. Would she become corrupted by such dark forces, would she become a blackpilled femchud?
>>41163331i feel like some mares wouldn't be able to contain their autistic rage toward human women, but more mares simply would [rightfully] not care what they thought and openly ogle their husbands, flag their tails to tempt them, and so oni suppose one bright side to equestrians coming to power on earth would be female pedos would finally get the rope
>>41163338Hey that'd be really nice.In highschool one of the english teachers went to prison (2 years) for having sex with a bunch of students.
>>41161590>Be me.>Come home from an extra-tiring day's work.>Absolutely exhausted.>Fumble around with my keys for a bit, but eventually get the door open.>There's a woman on my couch.>Never seen her before in my life.>Adrenaline spikes, and I'm suddenly not tired any more.>Pull out my daily-carry .38 and point it at her."Who the fuck are you, and what are you doing in my house!?""Don't 'calm down' me, bitch! You broke into my house!""Who else is here with you?""Bullshit, you expect me to believe that a woman broke into my house alone just to wait on my couch until I got back?""WHAT THE FUCK YOU MEAN YOU CAME HERE FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION TO BE MY GIRLFRIEND!?""BITCH, WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU ON!?""I'm calling the cops. Don't move, or I'll give you six brand new holes."---And that's how my autism made me miss out on my magical girlfriend.
>>41163355I had a male teacher that was having sex with 16 year old girls that got outed. Probably by one of the girls blackmailing him. He had a wife and kid.Blew his own head off with a shotgun in his car.
>>41161590Would this work in reverse?>Be Anon in RGR Equestria>Step 1: Move in to waifu's house>Step 2: Start cleaning up the place, doing chores and feeding your waifu nothing but oats>Step 3: Refuse to elaborate>Step 4: ???>Step 5: Profit
>>41163076It's not projecting if you're actually right.
>>41163338>"And just like that, I no longer feel guilty that I broke up what I now realize was a sham of a marriage. Girls, pick your targets and engage when ready."
>>41163449Sounds like dangerous RGRE-NEET mix.>RGRE NEETmares are in the exact same situation anons are over here>something something one gets isekai'd to the other>something something Love Butt's and Discord's trans-dimensional shenanigans>aka Condense figured out how to direct Discord's unbridled whimsy for LOVE>what could possibly go wrong with trying to bring together the lonely unwanted souls from across the multiverse?>be Floor Bored>you were about to treat yourself to some ramen>then you found a weird creature standing confused in your kitchen>right between you and your comfort food>is it here to eat you?>is it a burglar?>…i-is it going to v-violate you like in that manga you've just read?
>>41163412>horse-god keeps trying to send waifus to Anon, but Anon is too autistic to actually receive any of them>Cadence fucking hates this guy because he's the one case she can't close
>>41161933>get married to chrissy>she lets you do the home decor, since colt sensibilities and what not>you don't know shit about decor so you just buy what seems cool>pretty cool ass prismatic chandelier for the main room>you wait for her to arrive to surprise her>turn on the light>get on the floor>everybody walk the dinosaur>you notice your wife and her guardlings all bumping into the chandelier like flies>what>"chrissy are you alright?">"uh yeah didn't know it was day already, don't you see the sun?">yfwAlso, it turns out that bugs aren't actually attracted to bright lights, it just so happens that they evolved to angle themselves to the brightest light, which 99.99% of the times meant the sun, so when a fly just hovers around a light, it is actually an involuntary reaction that they physically cannot stop, it happens automatically. I would've made it so chrissy was actually aware of this, but her being unaware was funnier.
>>41163509>>41163338Imagine being a cute mare and being told there was a free stallion for you and you meet him and the first thing he does is expose you to horrors beyond your comprehension.
>>41163512>>41163412>then one mare decides to just knock on his door like a fucking sane pony and ask him for a walk in the park and lunch
>>41163449Isn't that basically what Spike did to AJ in that weird life debt episode? She only put a stop to it because he was fucking up, so it'd probably work as long as you did a good job.
>>41163702>"Hi there! My name is Minuette, but my friends call me Colgate, and I think you're really handsome. Would you like to go for a walk and get a bite to eat with me?">anon.exe has stopped working
>>41163702>Anon answers the door wearing pajamas he hasn't washed in days, carrying a body pillow of an anime girl under each arm>"Are you the pizza mare?"
>>41163777Anon is already spoken for
>>41163535Ghoulish, grim, nightmarish
>I read that once in Equestria>A princely mare did raine,>Who had the name Luna,>As poets they did faine.>From natures lawes she did decline,>For sure she was not of my minde,>She cared not for stallion-kind,>But did them all disdaine.>But marke what hapned on a night;>As she saw a handsome sight,>She saw a beggar in his plight,>The which did cause her paine.>The blinded fate that shootes so trim>From heaven downe did thy,>Thou drew a dart and shot at her,>In place where she did lye:>Which soone did pierse her to the quicke,>And when she felt the arrow pricke,>Which in her tender heart did sticke,>She looketh as she would dye.>"What suden chance is this," quoth she,>"That I to love must subject be,>Which never thereto would agree,>But still did it defie?">And as she musing thus did lye,>She thought for to devise>How she might have his companye,>That so did 'maze her eyes.>"In thee," quoth she, "doth rest my life;>For surely thou shalt be my own,>Or else I find peace with bloody knife,>My word shall be set in stone.">Then from her bed she soon arose,>And to his castle gate he goes;>Full little then this begger knowes>When he the night espies.>"The world marvels your majesty,">The beggers all gan cry;>"Vouchsafe to give your charity,>Our foals food to buy.">The princess to them her purse did cast,>And they to part it made great haste;>This silly 'human' was the last>That after them did she,>The princess she cal'd him back againe,>And unto he she gave her chaine;>And said, "With us you shal remaine>Till such time as we dye.>For thou," quoth she, "shalt be our prince,>The object of our love;>We haven't longed for another since,>We found thee under moonlight above:>Our wedding shall appointed be,>And every thing in its degree;>Come on," quoth she, "and follow me,>Thou shalt go shift thee cleane.>What is thy name, faire knight?" quoth she.>"Penelanon, O princess," quoth he;>With that he made a lowe bow to she;>A trim one, as we see.Made a parody of the ballad of Cophetua and the Beggar. It's clunky and I had to use knight as the best male replacement for 'maid', but it was fun.
>>41164101>forgot several 'he'sGod damn it.
>>41164101I like it. Don't think I've seen any other RGRE content in this style.
>>41161639>Still be Sunset>You had just finished date night with Anon>You had taken him to a pretty nice place>It had all you could eat wings, and hoofball, AND an air hockey table>Who knew buffalos could make such a fantastic eatery>While the two of you were walking down the street, hand-in-hand, you were explaining to your soon to be horseband about the horse bible>It was a lot like his bible of course>The Jenny that the Christ-God rode into Jerusalem had found her way to Equestria thousands of years ago>She had preached of man and a equine's duty to love and protect them>Anon thought you'd have a horse Jesus>You patiently explained you had the regular one>You also had Satan too>Otherwise known as Discord>Your aspect of him was a lot less dangerous, since your cutiemarks prevented the sort of corruption he did to hyoo-mans>He just sort of made you all... a little silly sometimes?>Anon looked concerned that not only did the devil exist, but you had spoken to him a few times>You assured him that he wouldn't need to worry about anything with you there >Anon was about to ask more about your horse religion when you heard someone loudly clear their throat>You tried to ignore them, but they did it again, somehow even louder>This made you scrunch up your face>You'd never rut Anon before horse marriage, but Cadence herself encouraged one get at least to second base with their colt, and you had been looking forward to smooching and snuggling session one you got back home>You didn't want that to be interrupted of course, but still, you were in too good of a mood to be nasty at that moment>So, you looked over>There were a group of human women a few feet away>They all looked somewhat concerned>Normally, you'd just ignore them, but that concern have you pause>Patting Anon's arm, you let go of his hand and walked over"Afternoon. Is there something the matter?" you asked>You felt your mood sour when one of the women clicked their tongues>You HATED that>Prissy colts in Canterlot LOVED making that sound>"Don't you think you're hindering the movement doing that?" she said>You blinked"Pardon?">"Holding a MAN'S hand," another sneered. "Letting him lead you around like cattle.">"Why the hell do you even want a mare, gurrrrrrl," another said, wagging a finger. "You should be out here poppin' that pussssssssssy.">Again you blinked>It felt like you should be upset, but you were too flabbergasted to be more than confused>You looked at these women>They didn't seem strange; for humans at least>They just looked like average women"...What in the world are you talking about?">That question had been a mistake, as you were quickly assaulted with a barrage of pamphlets, tik tok dances, and just plain random screaming>It was a lot to take in>Pinkie Pie might have been able to handle something like this, but not you
>>41164237>Not in any way that wouldn't at least caught significant damage to the surrounding property>Without a word, you raced over to Anon, picked him up bridal style, and ran down the street>You thought Cadence was joking when she said phones were rotting human's brains>When you got home, you were going to need to have a talk with Anon about cellular dependency >The invasion was going to be easy, but fixing these creatures was going to be rough>They needed some horse bible you think>Maybe a lot of it>You should also sent a letter to Discord to see if he could turn it down a little over here>...>Sweet Celestia was this place going to need a whole lot of work....
>>41164245>>You should also sent a letter to Discord to see if he could turn it down a little over here>inb4 he sees what satan has done over here and goes into one of his rare serious modes to unfuck things even a little bit>has to concede the curse of eve has made human women FUBAR
>>41164101Holy shet take your (you)
>>41164101Reciting poetry to Luna seems like a sure fire way to court her.
>>41163702>>41163777>hfw
>>41164237>>You had taken him to a pretty nice place>>It had all you could eat wings, and hoofball, AND an air hockey tableI wouldn't say no.
>>41164755>Idiot Anon tries to woo Woona with Shakespeare>Stands outside Luna’s balcony at night>After chucking some rocks outside her window he gets her attention>”But soft, what light through yonder window beaks?”>”Anonymous despite thy best attempts our window remains unbroken. And it is the night, why doth thou not sleep like the others?>”It is the east and Luna is the sun.”>”Art thou drunketh? Did our sister make it legal for colts to wander alone at night in our absence?”>”Arise, fair sun and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief.”>Incomprehensibly angry moon horse noises>Realizing this isn’t working Anon decides to try something else>”There once was a man from Nantucket…”
>>41164755>>41164824I actually had an idea for a serious ShakespeareAnon/Luna romance... would take a fair bit of work to do well tho.
>>41164880What's your idea?
>>41164882Anon is an ex-theatre kid who was lucky enough to get isekaied along with the complete works of The Bard, gets Luna's attention by being the only non-sister being that can communicate well in her original dialect, he starts reading to her, cute shit happens, they fall in love. idk, something I'll do when I run out of easier green ideas.
>>41164893That sounds like a good read. Hopefully you finish it some day.
>>41164824I find it very, very difficult to believe an Anon who had any attraction to Luna at all would be... not even stupid, just uninformed, enough to NOT know he should change the words around a bit.>What light through vaulting fir'ment peek?>It is the Moon, our fair Luna's charge>Arise, fair moon and kill the envious dark, already sick and filled with fear>something something a star by any other name would shine just as bright
>>41164915>Anon literally says "something something a stary by any other name...">Everytime he can't think of the words he just mumbles gibberish>Luna appreciates the effort though
>>41164271>the curse of EvePayback for the man's whimsy with Lilith. Something something man is now making up for that original fuckup by being with marely mares since Adam was such a wuss he couldn't handle his own.
>>41164245>>Without a word, you raced over to Anon, picked him up bridal style, and ran down the street
Alright guys, RGRE mares have invaded and conquered earth and begun reshaping human society. Men now have mare waifus, but there's a price: vegetarianism. Would you give up meat in exchange for a waifu? Or would you join the carnivore underground, staging acts of resistance against the mare regime?
>>41165059Eh, as long as I can still eat eggs and cheese I'd be fine with the mare regime.
>>41165059>Refuse to wash the dishes for my state assigned mareBoom, the matriarchy will collapse any second now.
>>41165059Anon, you do not know the power you possess.>No meat for me? No meat for her.Prevent access to weiner!
>>41165059I'll go get a griffwife and eat nothing but meat.
>>41165059Pegawife. You cannot convince me those birdhorses don't eat fish.
>>41165059Gib state mandated marefriend pls
>>41165059>Mandatory vegetarianism.>A couple years into this, those humans that complied start to suffer from malnutrition.>Provisional Pony Government comes to realize that forcing an animal to conform to an unnatural diet is a bad idea.>Fluttershy in particular is extremely frustrated, because she's been saying this from the beginning.>Mares feel extremely guilty, because they've been effectively starving their men for years.>The PPG realizes that the law was stupid to begin with, and it's repealed immediately.
>>41165059I once had a halloumi cheese burger, purely vegetarian and fucking deliciousas long as vegetarianism includes eggs and cheese and as long as I'm not expected to eat hay, I can learn to make dodo you think they'd allow one meal with meat in it a year?
>>41165666>Mares feel extremely guilty, because they've been effectively starving their men for years.>Mares feel even worse as they realize their husbands were willingly starving themselves just to keep the affection in their lives>Mares feel even more worse as they start to see themselves as abusers just as bad as the human women they took their horsebands away from>The fact those same horsebands immediately forgive them and treat them to extra pets and snuggles does nothing to assuage their guilt
>>41165729Were you wearing a chastity cage while you typed this?
>>41165729DID YOU KNOW HALLOUMI CHEESE DOESNT MELTIT DOESNT MELTITS THE ONLY CHEESE THAT DOESNT MELTIT DOESNT MELT
>>41165059If push came to shove, I'd just eat lab-grown meat. Animals don't have to die for it, so any ethical issues Equestrians have are now moot. But if that's not good enough for them, if they aren't willing to compromise on their husband's dietary choices "just 'cuz it's icky", then won't be willing to compromise on less essential issues in the future like your happiness and your consent. If their main concern is ethics and I find a way around the ethics and they STILL don't want me to eat meat, then it's not about ethics anymore. And I'll bet that they won't "want" me to do a lot of things in the future as well.
>>41165821Anon you're being delusional.It is halloumi. What else could it be?
>>41165733>"Maybe if we were the sort of mares who would willingly invade an entire world, uprooting replacing 50% of the population, and essentially commit cultural genocide as we reshape their entire futures going forward with us as the ones in charge (up to and including having sapient beings 'assigned' to mares without their input or even consent on the matter)...">"...maybe we're not in a very good position to judge the billions of people we replaced during our unprovoked invasion. Are we maybe not the good ponies here?"This recent conversation is giving me turbo-femdom /trash/ thread flashbacks, Anon. What end with "axy" and begins with a capital "D"?
>>41165824ITDOESNTMELT
>>41165762>>41165821>getting this angry over cheese
>>41165844>>getting this angry over cheeseMy impression was that he was commenting on the "mommy can I pwease um uh er i mean eat meat, just once a year, just one meal a year with meat it it mommy, pleeeease" part of the post. I was going to shit on the guy too for being such a pussy about asking permission and begging to have meat just once a year, like your state-appointed waifu is your fucking legal guardian or some shit like that.
>>41165847>"mommy can I pwease um uh er i mean eat meat,meant that to be "can I pwease cum", not "can I plwease um".
>>41165844I'm not mad, I'm just getting creepy BDSM vibes from the>Do you think she'll let me eat actual food this year?line.
>>41165828>What end with "axy" and begins with a capital "D"?Dungeons & Dragons creator Gary Gygaxy?
>>41165867Yeah, man, you got it.
>>41165828>"Sister, art we the wicked?"
>>41165733I don't really eat a lot of meat anyways. Mostly slop from 7/11 or McDonalds or the pepperoni on pizza, which probably isn't even meat.Mandatory vegetarianism might be healthier for me, all things considered.
>>41165879>"Perhaps we know not the ebbs and flow of the new workd? Nay, Luna, tis the foals who hast gone awry."To be fair, Twilight WOULD be the sort of student who would go to the Canterlot Natural History Museum.
>>41165059Equestria would regret invading earth. Earth has a secret weapon, one which will lead to the complete destruction of Equestria. Leftism, it would spread into Equestria like a plague, pretty soon there would be mass immigration of zebras and griffins into Equestria, forced diversity, Stallions would gain equal rights. Pony reproduction rates would quickly drop below replacement rates.
>>41150817Fun, though I meant it in reverse. As in, giant Anon and tiny world.
>>41166289>ywn be known as the gentle giant who once fucking soccer-kicked a timberwolf that was going after some foals
>>41156197It's not about getting something that's easy, it's about stealing something that's valuable.
>>41165059Letting mares take away your right to eat meat is a slippery slope. >First they take away your right to eat delicious sirloin steak.>Next they put you on a mandatory exercise regimen so you can become /fit/ for the mare gaze.>You’ll be eating nothing but eggs, bread, pineapples, protein supplements, dairy products and fresh fruit and vegetables instead of your delicious fast-food slop.>Then they take away your right to own land, get rid of all the landlords and make you live in a twenty-acre homestead away from the cities (Your mare and foals are going to need a lot of land to graze in).>Then comes the mandatory population increase, each male has to sire at least FIVE foals to secure their bloodline. No exceptions.>Of course you’ll be too busy taking care of the kids, so it makes sense to take away your right to work outside the home doesn’t it?>No more nine to fives at the office, all your time will be spent taking care of your kids and the home, which will leave you with only a few hours a day to spend on your hobbies and interests, excluding your daily workouts.>Right to vote? Vote on what? The entire world will be under the rule of benevolent, wise and immortal princesses with your best interests in mind.>Said princesses reestablish the gold standard, replacing fiat currency with gold bits. As a result the economy is thriving, and your mare wife brings in more money than either one of you know what to do with.>Yearly vacations anywhere of your choosing thanks to all the bits pouring in. But most days you choose to stay in your small high trust communities where everypony knows each other. You leave your door unlocked while the foals play in the streets.Think of the horror. You’d be in the best shape of your life, loved unconditionally by your huge family, never having to work for anything but you’d lose all your freedoms like voting in two party elections and eating meat. Is it really worth it?
>>41166263Griffon GF time
>>41166642>not attractive enough to be part of the husband elite class>get to be part of the industrial hive city labor forces instead>work in a foundry with less safety standards than china alongside women and the other bottom 80% of men>you didn't even have to live like this for more than a month before one of the unicorn foremares killed you to set an example for productivity quotas>it was a quick few seconds of agony as you were vaporized from the inside out and you were finally free from it all
>>41166691>what if good thing was... le bad?>>41166668>what if bad thing was... le good?I just want magical girl
>>41166451Like Kennedy said about the moon.
>"Hello mare. I would like to ride you please.">Be Pinkie Pie>Doing regular Ponk things >Or you had been at least>Looking up, you saw Anon standing next to you>The sight of him almost made you jump>Your Pinkie Sense never worked on him>You tried getting him a little bell to wear, but Twilight didn't like that very much>The purple flank kisser"What was that, Nonners?" you asked>"I would like you ride you, Mrs. Mare," he said, with his thick accent>You nodded>So you DID hear that right...>Out of the corner of your eye, you could see a group of stallions carefully watching for your reaction>You didn't know why they thought so poorly of you>Horse marriage before any sort of 'hard riding', just like the good Horse Bible taught"What do you mean by ride, my favoritest hyoo-man friend?" you asked>It took Anon a few beats to answer>His hyoo-man language was a lot different from Equish, so he had a hard time sometimes>You were SUPER proud that he was even trying to learn Equish>Colt or not, learning anything like that was super hard>Which was why you threw a you-said-your-first-pony-word party for him all those months ago>It was, as the foals say, an absolute banger >"I would, um, like to sit on your back while you walk around," he explained, doing some odd motion with his hands.>You blinked"Sit on my back," you said, looking over your shoulder at said back. "Why?">"Caramel said to," he replied with a shrug. "He said it would break the chains of stallion obsession.">You made a silly face>The not funny kind>Every since Caramel learned that Anon's world was all funny, what with the stallions leading things over there, he had gotten some even funnier ideas than usual in his head>Last week, you caught him trying to get Anon to vote in the local election; a thing colts weren't supposed to do >Obviously>Who in their right mind would let a stallion vote?>Rainbow told you the other day she saw him burning ball bras again too, so he must have been in rare form>It must have been the moon>It was full>A full moon mean even crazier stallions...>Nopony in town blamed Anon for any of Caramel's shenanigans>He was a little odd, but he was really nice>Good with foals>He also liked to pet and scratch all of you>Just looking at him, you could tell there wasn't a bad thought in the stallion's body"I think you mean OPPRESSION, Nonners," you gently correct>"Ah," Anon said with a head nod. "Thank you, Mrs. Mare. Now, may I ride you?">Thinking about it for a few seconds, you shrugged>Honestly, you didn't really see the harm in it, Caramel or not>How was Nonners riding you going to drive stallionism or whatever he was always on about?"If you want, Nonners," you said, giving your rump an inviting shake. "Hope aboard the S.S. Pinkie Pie. Watch your step, and keep your grabbers in the ride at all times!">Anon smiled>"Thank you, Mrs. Mare," he said with another one of his cute little bows>Anon swung a leg over you
>>41166854>It was a little awkward, since he was a lot bigger than you, but you figured you'd be able to easily hold his weight>You were an earth pony after all>Anon, shifting his body around, finally settled a little further up your back>He then pressed his entire weight down>The weight you were able to handle as you figured>What you weren't able to handle was the sensation>Your body went ramrod stiff, your eyes widened, and your mane and tail went CRAZY>Then something in you clicked>It was like you had been missing something all of your life but suddenly found it>Kinda like when you got your cutiemark, but somehow more intense>You took a step forward>Anon shifted on your back, smoothly following your movement so it was like he was no longer there>No>Like he was a part of you"I... oh. Wowie zowie...">You believed this was going to awaken something in you>Something to make you even more silly>Sillier if you will
>>41166723giwtwm
>>41166859>pic>You once got Pinkie with that "got yer nose" trick>She went 3 full days being unable to smell anything before her friends figured out what her problem was and contacted you>You had to 'give' her nose back, which involved doing exactly what you expect it to>You just pinched your thumb between your forefinger and middle finger, booped her with your thumb, and then retreated.>Pinke let out a big SNIIIIIIIFF and declared herself back to normal, sense of smell and all>You have no idea how much of that was real and how much of that was just Pinkie fucking with you, but you've never tried anything like that on her ever since
>>41166854>>41166859>mare gets ridden in public by foreign stallion!oppression destroyed>>41166871supervillanon strikes againall in all love ponk
>>41165059ggf bros stay winning
>>41166936would
>>41166859We should all be so lucky as to ride the S.S. Pinkie Pie someday>>41166871oh, neat, I wanna try>give ponk her nose back>she says that she's forgotten everything that she's ever smelled now>starts trotting around town, letting her nose go a-sniffin' every ol' where she can>she's getting all the old smells back in her>ones she forgot about>ones she remembers right away>Fluttershy's wingpits>and all the chocolatey ones>oh, those are some real good ones>they might even be her favorites>then she gets to your house>she starts smelling around>she starts to linger a little longer than she should, especially around the laundry room>but, oh, yeah, she definitely remembers some of these good scents>her muzzle is facing your crotch as she says this>she deeply inhales, and she can feel the hairs of her mane and tail all snapping up like each one is an overwound guitar string>when her chest deflates, following her breathy exhale, she's smacking her lips, tasting your scent>it's not quite as chocolatey as all those smells she liked earlier, but it's definitely tasty in a different way>your scent feels good in her mouth, in her head, in her heart, and even in her tummy>and even further down than that too>down in those hot parts of hers that would be touching your back, if you ever let her ride the S.S. Anon someday>geeze>after smelling THAT, she knows that she would feel really, really silly if you ever rode her again>rode her for a really, really long time>long enough this time to leave that smell of yours all over her back, really grind it deep into her coat>she wanted to smell you on her when she went to bed at night, to stink up her covers with that rider's scent of yours>her tail starts a-twitchin on its own at the thought, as she bends down to the ground and gets a-sniffin everywhere else>she tells you that she's gonna have to be really, really thorough here after all>probably gonna have to smell everything, honestly>maybe even a few times>she keeps trying to sneak into the laundry room when you aren't looking>insists that she knows what your dirty ball bra smells like, she just doesn't remember it anymore>but she knows it's gonna be one of her new favorites when she does remember>she can only dream about how good dirty, chocolatey ball bras must smell>she wishes she could get under the covers in her bed, press your chocolatey ball bras against her muzzle, and huff them>all while licking the chocolate sauce off of the fabric>as you straddle her back>maybe that's a little too much to dream, seeing as how you're currently shooing her towards the door right now like she's a big pink goose>but, well, she won't give up hope that maybe she'll know that smell someday>the smell of your dirty chocolatey ball bras, as you lie in bed with her after a long, long ride>that is her dream>and she has hope that she will achieve it someday>just as long as you never take her nose away again
>>41166936>kiss>beakHow?
>>41166996If you can't tell, she doesn't want to kiss, she would rather do "stuff"
>>41167011But I want kisses.
>>41166996french kissing would work no?
>>41167105kiss her cervix
>>41166996Obviously, birds in Equestria take advantage of their pneumatized skeletons to form an inflatable inner edge to the beak, seen as "teeth" in the show. This works like the inflatable portions of brids like the sage grouse or the frigate bird, but is used to allow the chicks to nurse from their mother's nipples. (All animals of that world have mammary glands.) The inflated edge allows the beak to close tight without pinching the nipple shut, and the young can suckle.Don't worry about it, they kiss just fine.
>>41167248>All animals of that world have mammary glands>All>AnimalsEMBER! LET ME DRINK SOBE STRAIGHT FROM YOUR TITS, AND MY LIFE IS YOURS!
>>41166859More of this
>>41167281Now we're talking!
Come to think of it has there ever been an RGRe story with Ember?
>>41166854>>41166859This is adorable
>>41166859>Next thing you know, she's dressing you in boots, a wide-brimmed hat and chaps but no pants, though you keep telling her that they should be worn with the chaps>The two of you keep breaking into spontaneous songs.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0ofuXYkYi0https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGw691Kt3d0
>>41152908If a a white blood cell kills bacteria and a pony sees, is it considered murder?
>>41167357maybe if it was blueblood
>>41167357Nope. It's the equivalent of a guard killing a raping pillager. It is celebrated.
>>41166691>hive citySomething something nerdy technofetishist techpriestess waifu.Something something become beautiful for her and badass for yourself with all the new sparkling chrome.
>>41137866I can't help it. I love rgre. Is shameful but it's who i am.
You know what I miss? The old 'Anon accidentally herds with the heads of several rival mafia families' discussions. Often very silly, therefore fun.
>>41167662I missed those ones. How did he manage that?
>>41167471Why is it shameful?
>>41167662I'm interested. Got a link?
>After a few years, a portal back to Earth is finally achieved!>As Celestia goes off to smoothe things over with President Ryan Gosling, Anon thinks over a conundrum.>How is he going to explain being in a herd to his friends and family?
>>41168001Just let the mares do the talking.Sure, it'll go down like a fire in a firework factory.But, if nothing else, it'll make for a hell of a show.
>>41168001>"Well son at least you aren't gay. When can I expect grandkids? Or would it be grandfoals?"
>>41168001>Celestia, we must have entered a different timeline from my own>The President... he's Literally Me
>>41167662sounds funny reminds me of this one yandere mafia boss pinkie green
>>41166691>Equestria barely had a population of 50 million>Still, they managed to defeat and conquer Earth>50% due to internal sabotage, because most people fucking hated their governments, the other 50% was due to wild incompetence from leadership>The US was unable to defeat the vietcong and the taliban, nor was it able to supply Ukraine with enough supplies to battle Russians with their conscripts and WW2 surplus gear>Even Israel's mighty Iron Dome was only good at intercepting shitty Palestinian rockets built in a garage>Ponies didn't have the best military doctrines either, and had to quickly learn not to march in formations on battlefields>But they had constant supply lines and improving tactics helped by people who refused to be drafted or fragged as soon as they were given a gun>A few drones even went down because one of the drone operators snapped and shot up the office>Life under Equestrian occupation was only marginally better>A grand majority of humans were confined to cramped cities while Earth was returned to a natural state and pioneered by ponies who built sparse villages and castles>The hive cities were industrial centers for Equestria's economy who was now able to pump out unthinkable quantities of steel, gems, and other extremely rare materials on their side of the portal>Only a few million men were allowed to be part of the pioneering project, selected by a council of ponies from various parts of Equestria and all walks of life while the rest remained in the hive cities guarded closely by volunteer changelings who could handle the oppressive and cramped atmosphere>The council would review those who volunteered for the project, but only a fraction of a percentage would make it to an interview>From there, you introduced yourself to a selected council of 10 mares and answered questions about everything from your household skillset to what you did during the human-pony war under a truth compelling spell>Their questions would get more and more personal and embarassing as they pried deeper and deeper into your personal life>At the end, you'd need at least 8 of the 10 councilmares to approve of you>Sub-8s were sent back to live like insects
>>41167315I vaguely remember one from like 5 years ago. The market is ripe, go for it.
>>41167662>ywn allow cooler heads to prevail by creating a 'penalty box' situation, where the mares who lose their temper have to go sit in Anon's lap until she settles down>profits go up 15% due to their lack of angry snap-second decisions
>>41168126>He didn't cozy up to a guard mare during the initial occupation>He didn't become a war trophy husband>He didn't get to go through the portal with his wifeSkill issue.
>>41168126correct me if i'm wrong, but this is just the plot of Half-Life isn't it?
>>41168126>the mares who view you as lesser than them maybe might not have only your best interests at heartHashtag too real for me, dawg. I want my escapism instead, where I'm beloved and doted on simply because I have a penis.
>>41167315I vaguely remember some prompts of a KnightAnon ending up in an RGREquestria where dragons have stories of human knights fighting them into submission then fucking them and Ember secretly having a massive fetish for itshenanigans ensued in various short form posts
>>41168126>Sub-8s were sent back to live like insectsgenocide would be preferable
>>41168211>dragons have stories of human knights fighting them into submission then fucking them and Ember secretly having a massive fetish for itYeah well what else is new here? RGRE loves it when the characters don't behave like they belong in RGRE. Every single fucking mare has a maledom fetish (and can be described specifically as "colty") and you won't find a single instance of sexism having a tangible lasting negative effect on Anon beyond annoying him slightly, or giving him an opportunity to "emmaresculate" whichever mare is being mildly rude to him. None of you want reversed gender roles, you want to be catered to and pampered by mommies.
>>41168153Seems more like District 9 but reversed
>>41167702The better question is, how does he manage to remain clueless of their criminal affiliations?
>>41168294I can see them hiding their criminal affiliations as to “not worry his lovely head” but I don’t know how they’d hide the>myeh youse tell em bossmares that’d no doubt be sent to guard/monitor him.
>>41168304>"I didn't herd with Anon because he's smart, I herded with him because he looks nice in socks."
>>41168233>people want escapism and fantasy wish fulfilmentI am shocked
>>41168294They are all afluent buisnessmares who use their various enterprises to launder money and serve as cover stories.One owns a line of mattress stores that never have customers but always seems fo stay afloat. Another owns a very successful line of pizza shops in the inner cities. One owns nightclubs and speakeasies in every major city. The fourth one runs a carriage repair shop that never seems to run out of spare parts for sale.They are all out on buisness trips most of the time, coming home to Anon at odd hours of the night tired and with a weary look in their eyes. So burnt out that they never speak about how their day except very vaguely.
>>41168233I disagree on the sexism since it works best in a more comedic light, but literally everything else is on point. I never understood why that stuff is posted, it's just normal stuff with a RGRE label.
>>41168126>You applied, like many others>The conditions of the hive city left much to be desired, namely space>While your cramped quarters were rough, you'd heard of hive cities where people were bunked 6 to a room because the huge population of indians were okay with that>You were thankful to be in the outskirts of Detroit repairing trains rather than in the city's foundries>The Detroit hive city was packed with near-feral hood rats, it was more of a prison than anything>Your interview with a council of mares saw you get only 4 approvals due to your age approaching the wall of 35 and your meager stature, but it did get you reassigned to the trainyard when they found out you could work an engine>Hive city life had done you no favors the past year, leaving you beaten down by circumstances and also the guards once or twice>The changeling guards had a very low opinion of humans, seeing how the Detroit populace divided up into gangs and killed eachother over scraps of contraband goods>Changelings could work together flawlessly, the chaos and filth of humans cramped into these horrible cities turned many of them off from even trying to get love from them>And when they did try, they found most people were shallow and didn't really have love to give>Luckily from the trainyard you could look south of Detroit and see the ongoing reclamation as the landscape slowly turned to nature>From a high enough vantage point atop what used to be a phone tower on a the commieblock you lived in, you could see a pony village way out in the distance>Originally you came up there to kill yourself, but you ended up staring at that little village the whole evening, wondering what it was like out there
>>41137866Nice to see RGRE is in it's doom and gloom phase."Um, actually Mares would be bad." - Expert Story Teller 2024
>>41168376>noooo not greentext, i want more of the same thing we've had for months when bored writefags can bother to show up, i subside on scraps, ew contentneck yourself
>>41168381Don't worry I'm sure some sad sap will neck themselves in one of these greentexts pretty soon. :)
>You awake with a start, almost tumbling out of bed.>But... hive cities, factory, your execution..?>You equip your cloud-walking slippers and make your way to the kitchen.>Where is->"Hey babe!" *slap*>You're enlightened to the location of Rainbow Dash by way of a hoof slapping your ass."You know, I had the strangest dream...">She freezes, wings primed to 'get the heck out of dodge'.>"...a 'I cheated on you in the dream so now I have to buy flowers' sorta dream?""No. I think you...shot me?">"...is that better or worse?">You snort and kiss Dash.>Nightmares didn't really matter when real life was like a dream.>...you'd still bitch at Luna next time you saw her, though.
>>41168233That's why I like that one greentext with the changeling prince anon. Felt like a breath of fresh air having a story lean away from the typical 'Anon is a janefilly and his love interest has a secret colty side to her' for once.
>>41168418>Luna was behind the doom posting all alongThat mare needs to go outside and find herself a coltfriend. She's spiraling out of control.
>>41168233>>41168422where are these stories with janefilly anon and secretly colty mares? because they only things I’ve seen that are close to that have anon and the mare basically acting the “same”also>you want to be catered to and pampered by mommieswhat are ye gay?
>>41168428She's a marecel, even before getting moon'd.
If we're getting things off our chest, Anonicorn was a fun idea and the only flaw was letting retarded people write things like 'doomstar'.
>>41168454I liked Anonicorn too. Including the stuff posted in this thread.
>>41168454I really hope the writefag for Where the Alicorns Roam comes back, it's the best Anonicorn story.
>>41168439Marecel rage strikes yet again!
>>41168294What is Anon was also secretly a mobster back on Earth and was pretending to be naive?
>>41168472>mobsterthought it said lobster
>>41168418this is so skibidi i'm cumming and farting
>>41168554>Larry the lobster in RGRE
>>41168573>>41168554Will cause maregasm.
>>41168577Mares are LARRY-ONLYSpongebobcels and Patrickmaxxers need not apply
>>41168329>Anon is clueless about his wives business>One day while shopping, a series of unfortunate accidents lands him in trouble.>Trouble that a nice ponicemare helps him out of.>In thanks, Anon invites her to a family diner.>Shenanigans ensue.
>>41168632>There is no secret to loving mares>It's just (You)> :|> :)
>>41168454Engie did a neat Anonicorn. I liked how he used spoiler tags to represent whispers of Anon's previous self, offering insight to the narration that a foal Anonicorn's age would never have considered.https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/34970939/#34974045
>>41168641Take it one step further. Imagine a herd made up of mob mares and a policemare.
>>41168661>For years, Policemare has failed to curb the actions of Canterlot's crime syndicates>Until she discovers a secret weapon: her coltfriend>It starts innocently enough, with Anon accidentally flirting with the head of the biggest Pegasus gang>Suddenly crime in that area starts to drop>And it turns out she's a pretty cool mare>Policemare lets her form a herd and the city has never been more peaceful>After explaining the situation to her superiors, they put her in charge of Project Monkey: a daring method to introduce the most dangerous mares in the world to the wonders of human snuggles>All while somehow hiding the truth from Anon
>>41168661>It's Cuddle Wings>The herd is surprisingly healthy, even with the daily living room "business discussions", if for no other reason than because of mutually assured destruction>Cuddle Wings can't act on anything she hears, because the mob would ensure Anon learns Jane the Cuddler's identity.>Mob mares can't do anything to Cuddle Wings, because Anon would find out about their dealings too.>That's definitely the reason, and not because the Racketti's Donna is REALLY good at preening>And it's DEFINITELY not because Cuddle Wings has huge, soft flappers big enough to completely envelop two ponies at once.>That would be a little dyke-y.
>>41168381>No, bad new content, more of the sameNigger, I been coming to these threads for the past year/year and a half, and doomposting is the only constant. I get that RGRE is the wish fulfillment for self-loathing anons but got dang can we get some>actually, mares are pretty greator maybe even>Shit, I accidentally an entire herdonce in a while?>>41168233>Nobody here wants actual RGRE, just mommy storiesYeah, that or extremely thinly veiled misanthropic self-loathing/mommy issues/literal incel seething. Like, I get it, my cousins on my mom's side are the exact kind of criminal, perpetually-pregnant skank that all the blackpills warned you about. Bitches ran off with our new SUV and my mom's purse the day she died, but even I got out of that interaction without getting full blackpilled.I hope the guy writing that changeling prince anon and single father with daughter stories comes back soon, those were great. He goes by Kind of Brony on fimfiction, idk if he namefags here. If you're reading this, Gilded Sister update when?
>>41168851>Bitches ran off with our new SUV and my mom's purse the day she diedDamn that sucks dude. Hope you're doing alright.
>>41168813I keep seeing Cuddle Wings pop up in RGRE stories. What's the run down on her? Is she an OC of this general?
>>41168876pegasus ponice mare in i think baltimare, could be detrotcan't post a pic because i'm shitposting at work and have to conceal my powerlevel
>>41168876Yeah. Started off with Anon getting preyed upon by Jane the Cuddler, who turned out to be the chief of ponice who was upset that nopony appreciated the hard work she put in. She and Bombshell are the 2 frequently-referenced thread OCs.
>>41168888Huh. I figured there would be some deeper lore but guess not.
>>41168876>inb4 spoonfeedingPolice Chief with severe insecurity/self-worth issues she hides. Moonlights as Jane the Cuddler, a serial cuddler of lone stallions in the night. Look up jane the cuddler on desu and you should be able to find the original few bits of green. I think it's from around 2016?
>>41168851Anon, please tell me you prosecuted your cousins for theft and grand theft auto. Tolerating your relatives' flaws only goes so far.
>>41168928>TolerateNah, it was more like they dropped off the grid and traded the SUV to a drug dealer in Georgia. That's how we got a fun call from the highway patrol!
>>41168813You just know the holiday dinners with the extended families get intense. A room full of criminal families all staring each other down while the one law abidding mare is just waiting for someone to slip up.
>>41168945Harder still would be convincing them not to retaliate against every small time gangster she gets bruised in a scuffle with. After all, she's still their herdsister, and that makes an attack on her disrespect to them.
>>41168983That's how Cuddlewings became chief of the ponice. All the criminals are too afraid to resist arrest.
>>41168983In this episode, Cuddle Wings turns off her bodycam
>>41168888quads cuddle is blessed
I want - NEED - to expose mares to the most brutal blackpilling posts straight out of crystal cafe to see if they go insane.
>>41168935That's still grounds for pressing charges, though, even if the GA highway patrol caught the guy they traded it to. (And hopefully shot his presumably nigger ass.)
>>41169083Nah, that's Georgia. Probably a meth dealer. Niggers don't usually sell meth. If it was Atlanta maybe a different story.
What about Anons refusing to use a bunch of (completely safe and legit) Equestrian stuff because the Earth equivalent should've never left the prototype phase?>Won't use nonstick pans, "the coating gives you cancer.">Gets freaked out by the recent trend of Come To Life Karts, "people die in car wrecks every day">Won't use (trendy herbal remedy that works because magic), insists on shots of meds ponies save for plan Z>Shoots a chimera with the gun he totally had on him when the space wedgie took him, instead of jabbing it with a chair and throwing ricotta cheese at it like a sane creature>What the fuck did his parents teach him?>Mares realize they need to save human males from their poorly-run world>The crusade is levied>The portals open>Mares find out human females are so henpecked they've let the world be run by Flim and Flam types>The crusade continues, but with a new goal>Human women are rounded up and sent to trade school>Men are issued frilly aprons and 'training dad' scenarios (read: babysitting jobs and the like)
Changing a culture by force: a think that is totally ethical and has never backfired in any way. Surely this entirely different species from a dimension so different even the laws of physics do not match will manage what thousands of years of human history hasn't.
>>41169010There's nothing wrong with taking an uncooperative suspect behind the station and showing her exactly how she earned that name.
>>41169252>>Gets freaked out by the recent trend of Come To Life Karts, "people die in car wrecks every day"I know the intention here was to convey that Anons would be weary of magic self driving cars but the way this worded makes it sound like they're a bunch of luddites with an irritional fear of cars. Like if a bunch of Amish Anons somehow got lost in Equestria.
>>41168990>become chief of ponice>find one of your herdsisters walking into the office>mfw the rumors about the chief being corrupt was true
>>41169358>Amish AnonApplejack came as soon as he entered the world.
>>41169371This is the look your mare gives you when you tell her she can't do something incredibly stupid/dangerous. Like ducktaping a bunch fireworks to grocery carts and drag racing them with her gal pals.
>>41169383It would never work out. Consensual, adult baptisms are a major point of the Amish faith, and Apples are anointed with applesauce at birth.
>>41169409>anointed with applesauceI believe that is just amniotic fluid that just happens to be applesauce.
>>41168990>Be Looty MacStealingfings, burglar extraordinaire>Some dumb copper drops down in front of you and your crew as you sneak through the back alleys with ill-gotten gains>Smack her in the snoot with your trusty tray table>Silence>Not one bird chirps, not one rat squeaks>Even the white noise of the breeze blowing past your ears ceases>Your partners in crime drop their sacks of loot, sign some weird plus symbol across their chests, and walk away empty hooved>The fuck?
>>41169456>Looty MacStealingfingsI wonder if Equestria considers Ill-Omened Nomenclature as an extenuating circumstance.
>>41169466>"Your honor, my client Deathwing Rapehoof is a reasonable mare..."
>>41169358>irrational.Anon. What is the cause of the simile 'like a deer in headlights'?What do deer have? Hooves.What do ponies have? Hooves.Cars are just as dangerous for ponies as they are for deer. Think of the foals, BAN MECHANICAL CARRIAGES!
>>41169456>>Your partners in crime drop their sacks of loot, sign some weird plus symbol across their chestsWhich one of you introduced the ponies to Catholicism
>>41169506they’re just vaguely gesturing a sun
>>41169476Luddites get the rope.>luddites and amish anons fighting the technofetishist and transhumanist anons>on-looking mares just whistle like it's a catfight>the marewife of one of the anons just sighs and walks off to get the others>nopony can tame the whimsy of a stallion, but a wife knows how to at least channel it into something useful>…or how to ride them silly to get their minds off of whatever's causing this
>>41168648Woah coolIs there more/a pastebin/ponebin?
>>41169636Nah, just that.
>>41169602I wasn't thinking luddite when I wrote that- just a paranoid husbando and dadderu who doesn't know how tf ponies control these karts with hooves
Good night, niggers. Sleep tight, don't let the faggot of timberwolves bite.
>>41169763"That's no way to talk to a dog, Twilight.">"Anon, what are- WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?">You approach slowly, with outstretched hand"Who's a good girl?">The leader of the pack is conflicted>The part of it that is a dangerous wood sprite wants to kill you, feed you to a chimera, and encourage said chimera to shit on the tree roots>But there is another part of it>One the ponies never saw, but is plain as day to you>Twilight tries to pull you away, but is surrounded by the pack runts>"Anon what the buck are you doing?">You make contact>The entire forest holds its breath>Eventually you cradle the beast's head>"anonpleasethisisnotthetimeweneedtorun""You're a good girl! Yes you are!">Every timber wolf in the area cocks its head>Their eyes begin to glow with understanding>Friendship magic is pouring through you and into the wolves>Each one sprouts a full coat of leaves and flowers>The tension leaves the area, and for but a moment even the Everfree feels safe>The chaos and cruelty has been overwhelmed by the covenant you formed"I think I'll name her Blodeuwedd. What do you think, Twilight?">"I think I want to know WHAT THE HAY WAS THAT? HOW?""Man's best friend.">You stare at each other>"That's it?""...Dogs are man's best friend?">"Great. I knew it. Mom told me green stallions fuck dogs but I didn't listen to her!">She's so focused on her rant she wanders right into a patch of poison joke>She kind of looks like a timber wolf now..."Well, you said it yourself Twilight. Let's get to your bedroom."
>>41169047Edgy!mares from enslaving shitquestria invade, get hit with blackpilling reality of earth, promptly kill themselves.Misanthrope-fag shits himself while seething.
>>41169945>"...Dogs are man's best friend?">ywn play fetch with your timberdogs
>>41168748>>41168945The tension, however, gets alleviated by Anon not only keeping the table on the verge of buckling with tastiest homecooked food don mares tried, but also giving headpats and scritchies to any mare that looks a bit too wound up.Over time, the level of crime in the city drops drastically. It's kind of hard to keep up your hardened criminal demeanor when you were told in no uncertain terms that you are a good pony.
>>41170019>Once, Anon tried hosting a dinner party>A small-time noble made the mistake of calling Anon's sauce store-bought>She wasn't found until a week later>Marinating in her own Ragu>The police chief blocked all attempts to get her fur-cleaning bill comped
>>41169748Luddites were paranoid too, thinking the machines were going to replace them.Later mutating to encompass everyone who was afraid of technology (replacing them).But fair enough.A luddite would be an interesting take actually, if it's closer to the original source.>luddite Anon trying to channel Caramel's stallionist autism to fight the industrial revolution before it's consequences set in"Don't you see dude, they'll come up with some magical or techy… THING that would replace even the stallions!">bunch of other guys listening gasp dramatically>"Now, Anon, don't be silly. I'm sure the mares love playing with their power tools and whatnot, but nothing can possibly replace a proper stallion. We-" he waves his hoof in the direction of his horseguy congregation "-are irreplaceable.">pausing for a couple beats for dramatic effect, Anon pulls out a page he tore out of some magazine>it was an ad for a revolutionary device to give any lonely mare a ride of her life>the fact it was made by the known cons Flim&Flam wasn't lost on Caramel either>he tried to form some words after picking his jaw off the ground, but nothing coherent came out>he then composed himself again and turned to address his friends with an uncharacteristic calm>"Call the others, tell them we have a situation, for real this time, so don't take no for an answer.">he turns back to Anon>"Anon, my eyes are open and my ears are perked. Tell. Me. Everything."Something something "ban the dildo" campaign.Something something RGRE.
>>41170049>Ban the dildoI kinda think that wouldn't fly well. Sure, it'd be fun for a while, and both the stallionists and orthodox princessists would be in agreement for once, but it only takes one shriveled up stallion to start a doom spiral of hysterical males and overprotective females. Save the dildo, save your marriage!>Twilight finds out humans have a 52/48 sex split compared to ponies' 5/1>Obviously a dildo could wreck a monogamist marriage, but a herd?>Anon's hysteria has set stallionism back by several decades>The rash of shriveled-up househusbands didn't help either
>>41169252>>Human women are rounded up and sent to trade school>>Men are issued frilly aprons and 'training dad' scenarios (read: babysitting jobs and the like)I had a dream about this, people were posting that one wojak meme where the e-girl morphs into the tradwife as soon as she sees the draft notice but instead the e-girl turns into a pink female screaming wojak in a mechanic jumpsuit
>1st or 2nd grade in school>we get together in playground boys and fillies after school>decide to play kissing game>boys have to catch the fillies and then get to kiss them>I catch one>She starts crying and is upset>Let her go>One of the chads catches her and starts kissing her>She cant stop giggling happilyIt's joever
Behead all demoralizationcucks.
Imagine having to split the bill on a first date. In this love market? Mare, I have twenty others far better than you lined up.
>>41170600t. Caramel
>>41169945>>"Great. I knew it. Mom told me green stallions fuck dogs but I didn't listen to her!"
>>41170012My one fear is getting splinters from their wood bodies, or getting gross bugs on me because they're plant creatures.
>>41169409The Pie sisters on the hand...
>>41170600>Mare, I have twenty others far better than you lined up.Having twenty different flavors of ice cream in your freezer doesn't count, Caramel.
>>41170736>anime tsun 24/7>non-verbal autist>adhd turbo-autism>fluttershy but worseyeah mang perferct herd
>>41170508*Befriend all demoralizationchads
>>41170735female timberwolves have magic green pussy, no splinters on your dick
>>41170752I meant petting them as pets, man. Also I think that already happened in a greentext already. One of Shukaku20's early works. would you a wood pussy?
>>41170754>>would you a wood pussy? that sounds like a wonderful time!
>>41170754yes!
>tfw ywn have a faggot of timberpups climb on a roof of your shack to photosynthesize
>>41170414many such cases
>>41170782>Anon accidentally D*sney princess'd some of the Everfree monsters>a pack of timberwolves guards him fiercely>mostly protecting him from the shallow mares only looking to ride the HMD for bragging rights>local hydra has been sighted playing fetch with Anon>all those rumors of Anon taming the wild Everfree>all those sightings of chaotic creatures treating Anon as one of them>all of those things, and more, make one weeby animal-loving mare's heart go doki-doki>thus begins the story of Beastmaster Anon and Fl[unintelligible mumbles]
>>41170745I think Limestone would probably mellow out rapidly after a few rough ducklings
>>41170812Goddammit, autocorrect.*dickings
>>41170812>>41170815>Turns out that Limestone is actually a pretty nice and thoughtful mare>Not up there with Pinkie Pie, but enough that you actually tell they're related>She's just got a lifetime of pent-up sexual energy that's been frustrating her practically since day 1 of puberty>After blacking out the first time Anon touched her cooter (and a week or two to get everything out of her system) she's finally recognizable by strangers as the sibling of the weird, happy, energetic mare who likes making ponies happy>But pony names (and cutie marks) are usually prophetic to some degree, and Limestone (with her embarrassingly on-the-nose cutie mark of a lime and a stone) is no different>Limestone as a pony has worked her entire life on the rock farm and is a hard-working and dependable mare who has the willpower to see her family's desolate rock farm succeed>Limestone (the rock) is formed out of a combination of minerals particles under great pressure over a long period of time, and the end result is a strong >Limestone is strong because it is composed of different materials, and Limestone is strongest when she is surrounded by ponies help her fulfil her needs>Not just sexual, but being able to calm her down when she's being stubborn, or making sure she feels appreciated for all the hard work she does>Which is why she mellowed out so hard after an appropriate number of dickings and as much cuddling as her skin-hunger demanded>And I guess if you want to lean harder on the lime (the fruit) aspect of her name, you could say that a lime plus cream gives you a key lime pie, which can be sweet but is often tart>(do you get it, cream is like semen)>And much like how the lime needs some help to achieve its full potential, Limestone is a mare who needs emotional and sexual support to be able to achieve and maintain her strength
>>41170924Now I'm craving Key Lime Pie. Thanks.But seriously, that was a well-done bit of lore.
>>41170807>A pack of timberwolves that cares for Anon, who probably make up his family and best friend(s).>An out-of-place hydra that tags along, given they're also Anons friend.>In-depth know-how of the Everfree results in a group of ponies using him to better understand the wildlife (with some ponies trying to literally *use* him).>Ultimately Anon and Pony fall in love and decide to stay in the Everfree.So, Tarzanon.
>>41170960God I love key lime pie. But thanks, brainstorming autistic "what if X thing were related to Y thing" lore is my favourite thing to do.
>>41170972Definitely the first part, and only somewhat on the third part is in Functional Dysfunction by Combatcomma.https://poneb.in/NAkMQMqrBern an age since they were around though; I had to use Ponebin to even link this.Though, after a short check it was archived either under a generic "Guest" account tag or it's a real person that's just decided to... archive 32 pages of stories and name themselves Guest. Either way, I should try to grab both parts and the oneshot and archive them properly. If I remember.
>>41170972>your human son feels lost growing up in a world of ponies>https://youtu.be/tiBaBca7-rY?si=AMA0a3Qjigt9qnYi
>>41170750so this is the magic of friendship
NEW BREAD WHERE?
>>41171823Bakers being accosted by the mob
fine, one sec.
>>41137866>>41171940>>41171940>>41171940bread
