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Fighting Earth Weather Edition

Previous Thread: >>41099497

Fauster's Story Archive: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1XiJRe1NWl_kIoWsHssZ27BMV7bZAe1jgX59-dWggYkA/
Uh-hmmm's Prompt Archives:
Have a broken Pastebin link? Replace pastebin.com with poneb.in

not to save anything of value on Pastebin
ignore all attempts at early new threads
ignore new threads by the cheerimac poster
keep your thick, colty mare (or mares) perpetually pregnant and give 'em the licc
first for mares giving my cock an indian rug burn
Is femcel Rarity a universal constant in RGRE?
You can interpret any mare as a femcel with her unique traits.
Hello Caramel, fancy a spa trip?
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>>41137382 #

Same, and I have a dive license. I read a book a while back by a guy who did underwater search and rescue (which usually meant body recovery). Cave diving mishaps almost always ended in death unless you could find a large air pocket and stay there until the rescue team showed up. Convinced me to avoid anything that hasn't been thoroughly mapped and had the dangerous parts blocked off.

I can find the book, if you have a good imagination and want to scare yourself.
Is that one of those sacrificial nodes on the sign to prevent the steel from rusting, or is it a bolt attaching it to an unseen wall-attachment? If it's the former, then they probably just could have used aluminum instead. Fuck me, steel rusts so fast it's not even funny. I did steel sample prep for a little bit and those fuckers rusted so fast. Etch them, rinse the acid off in water, and then FUCKING BOLT to dip it into the alcohol so that the sample doesn't start to rust.
>I have a dive license.
And just like that, you're braver than me. I don't even like playing Subnautica because the ocean is scawy to me.
>Wait til ponies find out about Feng Shui
>the ancient chinese may have been onto something
>when twilight looks into it she just winds up with more questions than answers
>*distressed and confused bookhorse noises*
My friend invited me to a dive class with him once. Mind you, I'm already afraid of water higher than my waist. Within the first five minutes the dude had said something to the effect of "8 out of 10 of you will have died in the next 10 years while diving" and I noped the fuck out of there.
>hear this
>get spooked and shit self in the pool
>dive lesson cancelled due to cloud of shit
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>diving advice thread
Imagine all the innuendos and lame puns you'd hear from the gals.
Really fengs my shui.
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am I going crazy or does the left side kinda look like a pony?
Fucking sirens, waiting to snatch a male diver. That's what 90% of those supposed "deaths" from cave diving really are. You never see the men again because they're in a cave cooking seafood for their fish-wives.
Need siren fishy gf
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What the fuck? Maybe if you're exclusively diving unexplored caves / submerged structures, getting inside wrecks, or consistently going deep enough for the bends to be a serious risk, that might be true. Standard open water diving is very safe, and even an explored cave that's had the danger zones marked is safe as long as you don't ignore the warning signs.


Freshwater diving in lakes, springs, or rivers usually takes dangerous wildlife out of the equation.
>even an explored cave that's had the danger zones marked is safe as long as you don't ignore the warning signs.
All it takes is for you to stop moving or a bit too eager movement and you lose all visibility.
>Freshwater diving in lakes, springs, or rivers usually takes dangerous wildlife out of the equation.
>he doesn't want to give lemon sharks headpats
fluttershy would have a field day with earth's fauna, but I imagine she'd be really creeped out if not stonewalled entirely by earth equines
>she'd be really creeped out if not stonewalled entirely by earth equines
They are just like normal stallions though: barely capable of thought.
Scuba flippers look like those long ornate betta fish fins
Would sirens like them or think you're competition?
Looks like shrek turning away in disgust on the right
While wearing a wig
>afro shrek
Kinda has the carl aqua team hunger force, looking face.
He is disgusted by the lack of meme magic, radiating off the mare on the left, too much normie energi!
>Humans have no inherent magic
>Humans are however very good at figuring out bullshit
>Twilight realizes Rarity's cycles of manic-depression coincided with her regular redecorations
>Pinkie's room immaculately followed feng shui, no surprise there
>Canterlot Palace was very wide and open for energy to flow
>The Everfree castle was a medieval shithole
>Twilight is on the verge of an existential breakdown
>How the fuck did these monkeys figure this out?
>How the fuck did ponies not?
I think at worst most ponies would be unnerved by feral horses. Like, diamond dogs and dogs exist, clearly ponies can understand the concept of a lesser-minded cousin.
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The fatalistic view that many of us exist to suffer because the intelligent designer hates us is more comforting than the idea we may simply only exist because we were the fastest sperm on the night dad rawdogged mom.
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>he doesn't want to give lemon sharks headpats

I quite like saltwater dives, I'm just trying to give the thalassophobes in the thread some alternatives.
Mare fucks you in front of your now ex-girlfriend as an assertion of dominance.

Who knows. We drifted apart for unrelated reasons after that. He didn't talk a whole lot about diving, but he did mention something about cavern diving once or twice.
Where the fuck you get that nihilstic shit from? Twilight's mind is simply not built for the idea that another species could be smarter than her, specifically, in one specific area
I'm fine with deep water and swimming around, but I have to admit that I could wake up tomorrow capable of breathing underwater or turned into a mermaid or some shit, and I still wouldn't be willing to go into underwater caves.
>thalassophobic "bathtub mermaid"
Is that the equivalent of a shut-in for them fishwives?
>An unexpected migration of some dumbass predators near her home forces Sonata and her sisters to find alternative lodgings for the foreseeable future
>Sonata is very upset that the only safe route to her new home passes by a continental shelf break
>The safe ocean floor along her path home just suddenly... drops off.
>Nearly vertical drop for thousands of meters
>The gentle, safe blue hues of the ocean give way to an inky, oppressive pitch-blackness
>The deep ocean floor is so deep that the sunlight just gave up
>Pitch-black endless depths beneath her, and an endless expanse of ocean ahead of her
>She's never seen anything move in the darkness.
>She doesn't know if anything lives in there at all.
>Sometimes when she swims alongside it, Sonata feels like it's going to swallow her up whole, or like an ocean current is pulling her down into the pit
>It's all in her head, of course
>But that doesn't make it feel any less for realsies
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>even sirens fear the abyss
>>How the fuck did ponies not?
>as revered as starswirl the bearded is/was, he was still a stallion and had flights of whimsy, often losing entire notebooks when he got distracted by some tangent of whatever he was researching at a given time
>he sure meant to write down and put to words a pony equivalent to feng shui, but then he went down the rabbit hole that is astrology and how it may or may not affect magic based on individuals, what day it was, what year it was, etc etc
>How the fuck did those monkeys figure this out?
Wow Twilight, cool it with the anthrophobic remarks
Something something deep ocean horrors, something something not even the chinaman or sirens would eat it.
I don't appreciate your phobophobic remarks, please respect my beliefs
You underestimate the Chinese appetite.
Humans are big gnomes. We like science, blowing things up and chaos.
Twilight, I'm going to need you to post your snout for me.
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……and what anon?
I'll do you one better- I hear you humans just LOVE leaving war crimes lying around!
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If cannibalism weren't against the law, the chinese would engage in it.
>All sirens have an instinctive fear of the deep abyssal oceans
>This is due to what lurks in the darkness
But anon, it is against the law, and humans still do.
Do you think the sirens would find Cthulhu attractive?
Yeah, but China is all about saving face. They wouldn't publicly admit to eating people, they'd just say "oh that village was never there, what village?" and then yum yum yum

They did it as late as Mao's revolution and it wouldn't surprise me if it's still done among the party elite.
Just looked up that famine. Holy shit, they really did probably eat a huge amount of people, what the fuck
Something a little more on-topic...

>One of those takes on Equestria where humans are a myth.
>Legend says they can steal a mare's soul with a kiss.
>You get told this by a mare and your immediate reaction is "Oh, horseshit! Here, I'll prove you wrong!"
>Grab the mare and kiss her.
>You feel something numinous in your mouth, like inhaling thick fog, and the mare flops limp in your arms.
>You frantically clamp your lips over hers and exhale, trying to force her soul back into her body
>Mare starts breathing again and regains consciousness, but now you can feel a connection to her...
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>I still wouldn't be willing to go into underwater caves.
This, for... Other reasons...
She fears the abyss because it's the abyss, I fear the abyss because I know what's inside it.
We are not the same.
Don't be silly. Dolphins aren't real. Why would mammals go back to the ocean?
Because law enforcement has no jurisdiction to make arrests there for rape.
>He doesn't know that Mother Ocean provides all we need under her tender waves
We need to recruit sirens to be the long fin of the law, then the water bastards will finally know who's boss
>mares blame starswirl, the one pony who delved deepest into magic for lack of knowledge about feng shui
>instead of the bit a dozen "witches" researching magic but not realizing a single fucking thing for the literal millenia since SSTB's era
Mares, man.
>Be mare
>You HATE humans
>You hated the way they talked
>Their stupid faces
>How dyke-y their mares are and how their colts think they have some teats
>You were very much against their stallions being brought here to Equestria
>There were already too many immigrants being brought over here
>Equestria was for ponies darnit!
>They, by order of her royal highness, you were sent one of them
>A green colts, wearing a suit, speaking broken Equish
>Mare, you weren't happy in the slightest
>You tried sending him back, but the request was sent by Princess Cadence herself
>You might not have liked these freaks, but nopony said no to an alicorn
>As loathe as you are to admit it, you were pretty mean to the colt
>Anon was his name
>You honestly treated him little better than a servant
>Not being the most... tidy mare, your house was pretty dirty
>So he had to clean it from basement to the roof
>You made him cook for you as well
>And you also made use to dirty as much fabric you had in the house so he had to do washing
>This was with barely any conversation on your part
>Just orders and mean looks
>No matter what you did however, Anon was always smiling and talking in his broken Equish
>He never complained, or got upset, even when you had him doing yardwork with scissors one day in the hot sun
>After a few weeks, you sort of got used to him
>Monkey weirdo or not, it was nice to have somepony in the house
>You had been alone for... a good long while
>Not many friends
>Family almost never reached out
>So having him at least made you feel not to alone
>You house had also never been so clean
>You hadn't eaten so well either
>One day, after a few ciders, you made Anon sleep in the same bed as you
>Maybe a part of you thought he'd finally get freaked out and run away or something
>But he didn't
>He got in with you
>Even snuggled with you all night
>The mare colts sort of stayed away from because they thought you were weird
>But there he was, letting you hold him
>You remember waking up with your muzzle in his hair
>You had just laid there, feeling his heartbeat against your chest as he softly snored
>You didn't even think of getting out of that bad until your bladder finally made you do so
>It took days for you to sort through your feelings
>But then, like a bolt of lightning, a realization hit you
>You HATED humans
>Did not like them even a little bit
>Anon here was a good colt
>Thoughtful, diligent; a good cook and housekeeper
>He would make a good horseband for a lucky human filly
>Which is why you, a unabashed racist, needed to make him YOUR horseband
>You needed to take good colts out of their filthy gene pool
>Let them only have the trash stallions
>You'd keep a good horseband and the perfect family stallion out of their hooves
>Keep good children off their dirty planet
>You'd show them just how much better you were as a mare, a mother, and lover
>Show just how superior ponies really were
>Because you were, you know, a racist
>No other reason
>Never ask an equine supremacist the species of her coltfriend
I want to get drunk with racistpone and talk mad shit about griffons.
Aryanne finally can relate to someone.
tbf, when your two famous male wizards are "wrote the book on astrology" and "enslaved Horse Atlantis and dragged into a thousand year deep dark oblivion," that probably throws off the statistics a bit.
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how would they see Grogar creator of monsters emperor of the land before equestria
>Humans are Magic Resistant
>However, that does not mean they are magic IMMUNE.
>Nor does it mean they can't DO magic, just not back home. A human needs intent, an image and a purpose.
>So, a human who's passively absorbing ambient magic (or direct if casted upon for various reasons) might accidentally draw upon previously empty magic reserves. What they end up doing once they draw from those reserves might vary.
>...in this case, accidentally confirming a myth. Thankfully, with no casualties.
>Other than maybe Anon's poor underpants...the brick he could've shat would've been legendary.
>Humans have non-regenerating but massive mana reserves
>Humans also have a deep-seated need to befriend things that aren't Human
>These combined with the Magic of Friendship can cause a human to seemingly steal a pony's soul, but don't worry, it's just a temporary mana vacuum for the pony
>The translation is debated to this day- one scholar says "steal a mare's soul,' another "steel."

>Human males are inherently geared towards being janefilly dommy daddies
>Theoretically this means a human female could be that kind of byronic sensitive type that colts swoon over, if only it wasn't the skittle-haired ones that keep running into ponies
>Come to think of it, why the hell do we pack bond with anything remotely cute?
>Did God actually want us to fuck aliens?
>There has to be a reason we're horny for the craziest shit all the time
>Hell, pregnant women end up with their babyfadda's DNA in their brains
>Why in the fuck?

>Anon's ponderings were confirmed in the papers one morning
>Namely, a bunch of humans and ponies had apparently been shipwrecked on Shithole Island for years before official first contact
>Ensign Cletus Jamal Jr. tried to install a screen door on a minisub at the exact time a small village of ponies was trying to teleport out of Equestria on the eve of Nightmare Moon's return
>The resulting vortex of Stupid and Desperate wrecked a hundred-odd of each species on one of those decent-sized islands every map pretends isn't there because it's earmarked for another bohemian sex grove
>The humans not being from Arkansas, and the ponies not being Apples, understandably didn't want to risk damning their offspring to either inbreeding or dying childless, and so started dating the opposite species
>Then the women stopped being weak and kinda cunty
>And gave birth to what can only be described as IRL anime girls
>Every one of them reported feeling stronger, more assertive, and less inclined to act like real life is a soap opera right after getting knocked up
>Likewise, the men were finally able to not feel worthless and emotionally-stunted
>Later studies would confirm neurological and physiological adaptations to better integrate with pony mating groups
>The, ahem, early adopters were even able to cast spells at a kindergarten level
>By the power of horse breeding, the castaways' mortal flaws were being cleansed
>It's like humanity was a bunch of inbred brittle-boned dumpster babies
>And our new foster home actually had vitamins

>Celestia offers to call her parents about this
>Faust and Bucephalus agree to contact their coworkers
>Celestia calls a press conference 2 days later
>"Yes, YHWH did intend for your kind to be breeding outside your species. He was quite concerned at your lack of expansion and almost ready to start... ah,"
>She pauses, examines her papers, and continues
>"Eee-seh-kay-ing every last one of the incels and femcels, just so your white women would stop fu- OH MY."
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Pre-bed freshening of the bread
Time to be fruitful and multiple.
>a thunderlike chorus of "DEUS VULT" and "INSHALLAH" rumbles across the landscape
>…followed shortly by the sounds of wet slaps and moaning
>Christians, Muslims and Jews sharing Jerusalem
>The new crusade unites under the banner of "WE WILL REPOPULATE THE HOLY LAND!"
>Smooth jazz and dulcet tones play across the ancient city
>For the first time in maybe ever, all is well
>God is in His kingdom, and we are balls-deep in ponies
>Be Cadence
>You and Shiny came to Ponyville to see your sister-in-law Twilight
>Shiny wanted to make sure his little sister was doing good
>Your colt was a thoughtful one
>It was supposed to be a casual, pleasant few days, but things went south almost as soon as you stepped off the train
>You had felt it while you were still north of the town
>Absolute heartbreak
>The sort you had never felt in all of your years being a love horse
>It was so bad that some of the train staff, ponies that were nowhere as attuned to emotions as you, were able to feel it
>By the time you were off the train, it was so thick that you were almost ready to chew a hole through the floor
>You had all but carried Shiny and your darling, strong little daughter to Twilight's, said some quick hellos, then went out to find the source
>It didn't take long
>You found Anon sitting on a park bench by himself
>You knew Anon
>Twilight had introduced you to the funny alien
>Flurry really seemed to like him
>He made you peetzer, which had been better than average
>It looked like he hadn't slept well in a week
>His hands were in his lap, and he had just been sort of staring at nothing when you had trotted up to him
>It actually took effort to get him to focus on you, he was in so much inner agony
>You couldn't imagine how it felt, or how he was just able to wallow in it
>It took some time, but you were able to work out just what had happened
>A mare that the hyoo-man had been dating had been unfaithful
>He had found her with another colt
>She had said... some hurtful things and proceeded to kick him out
>The walls Anon had built up had cracked for a moment when he had told you that
>He said he probably deserved it
>He wasn't a good enough coltfriend
>He had done something wrong
>She deserved better
>The whole time he said this he wasn't able to look you in the eye, too empty to even cry
>You weren't a wrathful sort of mare
>That was Luna's thing
>You liked to think you were a slow to anger sort of princess
>Forget out the cruelty, or the complete lack of love, even though both of those were horrible
>But a mare didn't DO that to a colt
>Who the hay was she to abuse a stallion while there were so many mares out there that would give a HOOF for a colt of their own
>It was breathlessly horrible
>So, you gave poor, sweet Anon a gentle pat on his head and assured him that you'd personally make sure he'd forget this mean mare
>There were so many fish in the sea
>Mares that would treat him so much better
>You also asked for the mare's name and address
>You know, just to have a nice, calm conversation
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>Empress Lovehorse decided some reconnaissance was in order
>it wouldn't do to take things to a 10 without having all the pieces of the puzzle, after all
>she could hear the mare inside the house ranting about "the weird clingy monkey" and laughing about the breakup to her new boytoy to sound badass
>among friends, how she'd just wanted a quick "alien colt" notch to add to her bedpost for bragging rights
>Cadence scrunched
>not the instant scrunch of the surprised or the merely indignant though
>this was a slow, involuntary scrunch that refused to stop
>with every millimeter her snootle retracted, you could hear sounds reminiscent of the metallic groaning of architecture, or the creaking of a great ship
I mean, hell, the sand people had an entire war over a pretty mare way back when. It only makes sense they'd mellow out when faced with an abundance of pretty mares.
>it wouldn't do to take things to a 10 without having all the pieces of the peetzer
One job
Was thinking about RGRE in the shower. Especially herding, but in a noble context. Do nobles just stick to monogamy when they can to make things simpler?
Quite the opposite.
If you get into a herd with the daughter of someone influential, you get some of their power, too. Sometimes you have herds planned generations in advance, for the sake of "repayment" of the formation of a herd. It's like a dowry system, but you're dealing in yet-to-be-born stallions.

Getting into a upper-echelon herd, even on paper, can be some mares' life goal. They can get desperate.

Shining Armor and Princess Cadence have whole teams to screen for love potions and enchanted love-letterbombs.
Depends, I suppose. Herding is an easy way to solve all the dumb feuds that crop up, as well as the usual 'continue the bloodline' shit in low stallion population RGRE, but you have to worry about all the different agreements on which noble family an individual mare's foals belong to. Not to mention the inevitable intra-herd intrigue and fights between foals belonging to different houses.
I think at most I can see it as a neat way to deal with succession. No splitting lands here.
>"Okay girls, buck all that land feuding, just ride the same weiner and be co-mothers."
>If you get into a herd with the daughter of someone influential, you get some of their power, too.
Is this the Equestrian equivalent of military wives demanding that you refer to them by their husband's rank?
Do nobles in Equestria still hold land or is it more of an honorific now?
if you're going by EDLWGM rules then it'd be at the early industrial phase where landowning aristocrats are getting phased out
Equestria has existed for 1000 years at the absolute least, it likely referred to land ownership at some point.
More like graduating last in your class at med school. They really are part of that family, but not by blood.
Herd that is made up of sisters, refuse to tell their firstborn who the biological mother is because they find it funny (mares are stupid)
(started by the stallion too ashamed to admit he forgot which one it was)
I didn't know Equestria had a Maury show
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I don't see this at all but this is the funniest shit I've read all week. Have a mare anon
>Moor-ey, Equestrian reality television show.
>"And the results are in! Cloud Drizzle, you ARE the mother!"
>Crowd goes ballistic
>The mares double over in laughter, trying and failing to support one another
>Their colt is yelling, "Finally, bucking finally!"
>Their husband breathes a sigh of relief- so it was THAT one.
>Celestia turned off the television, humming to herself.
>"Maybe I should reduce the amount of fluoride in the water supply..."
>"...you ARE NOT the mother!"
>Stallion runs off stage in tears
>Camera pone chases after the stallion
>Camera cuts from close up of stallion in tears back to on stage when mare is backfipping and celebrating with the mares in the crowd
>>it wouldn't do to take things to a 10 without having all the slices of the peetzer
nigga YOU had one job
Wait how would that work? Mares are the ones giving birth so they should know who their foals are.
the silliness of mares can quickly reach critical mass when exposed to stallion whimsy
Mares are as cuddly and whimsical as stallions, but the sexist mare-driven Equestria tends to brush that off as 'fillies will be fillies.'
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>Week 3 in Equestria
>You've adapted nicely, better than nice, you got the good roll of alternate realities and this entire planet has reversed gender roles
>The mares have been falling over themselves to suit your needs as an 'exotic' male since you got here and life is almost perfect
>"Anon! Anon!" Almost you think again as Caramel beats at your door
"What is it, I was just waking up."
>"I want to have a guys day with you." You yawn and walk over to the window
"Why are you here at- 2pm? Oh fuck I overslept."
>"That's exactly why I am here Anon. You need an intervention." Caramel responds showing some concern
>You're pretty sure he's still mad you ditched him to bring some crazy purple drinking buddy home
"I don't have a drinking problem and I'm not on drugs. I know I drank a lot last night but honestly, pony booze does nothing for me."
>"You do plenty for me hot stuff!" A slurred voice in the bed behind you. A hole is a goal, you absolutely slept with said drinking buddy
"Is this because I got laid?"
>"BRINGING RANDOM MARES HOME FROM A BAR, NOT COMING TO OUR MEETINGS-" You make your way to the door and open it as he yells
"I have a good excuse for that. All you ever want to go eat is hayburgers, I can't eat those. Human needs are different."
>"That is why I went out of my way to get a solution. Here try this." Caramel offers what appears to be a chocolate bar
>You've tried pony chocolate, it's never any good but a few bites of this and it's actually edible
"I guess it's okay but it's not really a meal."
>With every word Caramel seems to get a little taller, maybe he's on tiptoes- tip hoof? Or he's standing- Why is he as tall as you now
>Looking down gives you your answer as your two trusty feet have been savagely turned into green stumps like someone hacked them off with a saw
>Caramel immediately bringing out his saddlebag mirror showing you, well YOU, a new you
>There's no way to sugarcoat that you're seeing yourself as a green stallion "I got Twilight to fashion together something, I told her you were struggling to adapt as a human."
"You're saying I have to be concerned somepony drugged my drink and then you give me MAGIC chocolate!?"
>"Exactly, you should never take food or drink unless you know where it's from. This is a lesson Anon. You can't trust mares."
>You give Caramel your best "Really?" expression and sigh, honestly this ain't that bad and you can sweet talk Twi into undoing it later
>"Hot new bod, wanna do that thing with your mouth again?" The purple mare rolls out of your bed, sauntering over tipsy with a half full bottle and pushes into your side
>A shiver runs through your body, her breath reeking of booze and the way she grinds against you makes you swallow hard involuntarily
"I'm not in the mood for it, I clearly just got turned into a pony against my wishes. AND you're spilling your drink all over the floor! Get out of my house."
>You can only hope that doesn't stain the carpet "Ugh, no fun stallions. Know you're missing out on a whole LOTTA mare." Waving her ass around as she leaves
>You catch a glance only to look away again, a well used hole and she hasn't even bothered to wash
>How you managed to sleep next to her without being disgusted is miraculous
"I get it. Alright Caramel maybe my standards haven't been at their highest. But that doesn't mean you can spring this on me."
>"Nobody said interventions were easy, now why don't we get hayburgers." Of fucking course, this fucking horse
>There's some novelty to walking through Ponyville at half your regular size, doors seem less of a hassle to get through, you dont need to worry about knocking things over as much
>"Phooo phoooo." A bad whistle coming from above. "Hey there new stud in town, why don't we get introduced, surely you've heard of me? Want an autograph." You recognize that voice
"Rainbow, it's Anon. I got turned into a pony."
>"Even better, I don't need to try! Come have fun with me, Having a new dick means I can count you as me having slept with two stallions, the girls will be jealous my numbers higher."
>Does she just think you're going to stop what youre doing to rut some whiny mare, is that how little she thinks of you, that youre that easy
"I think I owe it to hang out with Caramel since I already ditched him yesterday."
>She scoffs "Come on Anon, YOU? With a stallionist? You aren't that type of guy" She follows on her cloud "We can have have some real fun, you know I'm the fastest ride in ponyville."
>"Anon said NO dash." Caramel speaks up "Keep following us and I'll yell!" This makes Dash scoot back on her cloud
>"Well whatever, come see me when you're actually interested in being fun, you'll let Caramel's frgidity rub off all over you and ruin a good thing!"
>"Anon isn't just some easy pole you can slide down. He deserves respect even if he doesn't know it yet." You don't know how to feel about that one
>Normally Caramel's outbursts of protecting your sanctity or whatever he thinks he's doing is unwelcome
>But now, you aren't really feeling those urges and these mares seem to be pushier than you remember as you arrive at SubHay and get some sandwiches
>"I know you said humans do things differently, but you aren't in humanville anymore. This is ponyville and well. Word is going around about you."
"I'm a bipedal cross dimensional fully intelligent alien, I'd be shocked if word wasn't spreading."
>"The only word they're spreading is how you act. Hussy behavior Anon. It's not right."
>As you're about to respond a hoof lands on the table, a white pony in close "Anon! The second Twilight told me you felt and that you wanted to be a pony I came to find you!"
"Ah, Rarity? How did you know which pony was me- Wait no. Small town. I get it."
>Rarity nods "I know humans feel better in clothes so Mommy Rarity brought some things for you."
>You cringe, for some reason she really likes when you call her Mommy, for free clothes it felt like an easy deal but right now it makes you want to throw up
>She puts some saddles on the table. "Just tell Mommy which one you want-"
"Do not say that again. I'm fine. I haven't even thought of clothes since I chang-"
>Wait that is odd. You're sitting her stark naked and it hasn't for a moment felt unnatural, everything has felt normal
>"Anon you know how you're supposed to address me when I bring you some new clothing." Rarity chides
>Oh Celestia she can't really want you to say it here, in public, you'd rather drown yourself in a puddle than call her mommy right now
>The way she prances about and how thin her hips are, she doesn't fit the title at all, she's just, so, COLTISH
>It hits you like a sack of bricks, you've been ponyfied brain and all
>You don't just look like a pony, youre thinking like one and finally seeing the world through a stallion's eyes for the first time
>Caramel again stands up for you while you're dumbstruck "Are you sexually harrassing Anon? Mares like you think you can just demand favors for helping a guy out like you're ENTITLED to it."
>His stallionist rhetoric seemed ridiculous before, but now, everything rings true this entire world is WILDLY sexist
>You weren't even allowed to own your home before Twilight pulled some royal strings
>A quick glance around and you see the looks mares are giving you, acting like you're a piece of meat, Rarity wasn't quiet so they all know you're Anon the easy stallion
>Lecherous, disgusting, they don't care how you feel they just want to ride the stick between your legs to brag about it
>It feels like the entire world is watching you, slowly cracking, slowly breaking, until finally you can't take it anymore, hoof hitting the table and shaking it mid Rarity and Caramel argument
"I can't stand another moment of this! I NEED TO GET THIS FIXED!"
>With a sprint away from the resturaunt leaving everyone behind in a cloud of dust, galloping to Twilight's library like you've lived an entire lifespan running with hooves
>A quickened desperate knock as you weakly yell "Twilight! Twi! Let me in, it's important!"
>It's not long before you hear her stammer behind the door, but not opening it immediately
>She's breathing heavy and there's an audible spritz which you can't place until the door opens
>The raw putrid stench of BALE Bodyspray on a sweaty once a week showering mare as she gives a crooked twitchy smile from an awkward lean
>"O-Oh, hey Anon. I see you liked the chocolate? I didn't know it was you at the door- I mean- I get a lot of visi, MANY stallions here a lot- What do you need?"
>You have to stifle back a gag and push past her inside, ignoring that she's slightly damp but knowing you'll need a hell of a shower when you get home
"Twilight, I have very quickly come to the conclusion that I do not want to be a Stallion."
>"Oh you're ah... You'd rather be a Mare?" A side glance
"NO! What I mean to say is. I want to human again. A human, non pony. Man."
>"Ooh." She nods as her thoughts shift "I thought you were here to, you know. You did promise a few days ago to, r-rut my brains out."
>You stare at this horse as if for the first time, the unconfident way she holds herself, the flicker of her eyes unable to keep contact, mane and coat both filthy and unbrushed
>Not even her hooves are clean and she barely goes outside
>You may know it's the ponybrain talking but if there was any mood or sexual tension she took it out back and turned it to stone
>"Oh Anon, did you need a map for my eyes?"
>The fuck is this horse saying
>"Because I am equally as enraptured by yours. I'll need a starmap. Because, your eyes are like. Stars. And I'm lost in them making constellations."
>Death would be a mercy but you know if you were human, you'd hit it
>Wait that's it!
"Twilight if you make me a human again. I will f-ffff- Ruuuu-"
>You're gagging at the thought suddenly, eyes welling with tears at what heresy youre trying to say
"On the bed... We'll NGH-"
>Deep breaths, are you spluttering or about to throw up, you can't tell anymore
>"Oh I'd love to! But, actually I can't."
>You'll kill her, you'll wring her neck with your difficult to grip with hooves in a second and Caramel will be next
>"Wha-What's with that look? I'm just trying to say, the spell wears off after 24 hours. It doesn't have an undo."
>Praise Celestia, praise the pony gods this hell will soon be over for good
>"But we can take this prime stallion MEAT for a ride while you have it right?"
>In moments of speed unseen since the last wonderbolts show above ponyville you are gone as far away from this unfuckable incel mare as you can get
>Bursting into your house, locking the door and shoving every desk you have infront of it and collapsing in bed to sleep the rest of the spell off
>You have gained a newfound respect for the stallions here, walking in their hooves has shown you just how bad these mares are
>You might even listen to Caramel and go to a stallionist rally between fucking (Less) mares, like not Twilight, alright maybe still Twilight
>But she has to shower first
Go on. Not many greens where we see mares actually just use Anon for some fun.
These ponies will drive me to drink! Good stuff Anon.
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good shit Anon
It would be a nice break from the blatant wish fulfilment. I know this is (and nmm) are wish fulfilment threads, but it's nice to try something new every couple of years.
Thanks Anon ;3... it Was the first thing i saw, when i Was looking at the pic.
>mares want one thing, and they are disgusting
>so wash them
What does RGRE think about size difference?
Imagine not having to get up from the couch and your beer because your husband needs help reaching something, or needs help opening a jar. Just a straight beer to sandwich pipeline.
>"Because I am equally as enraptured by yours. I'll need a starmap. Because, your eyes are like. Stars. And I'm lost in them making constellations."
shes so smooth bros….
>not enjoying mare musk
What, is anon gay?
>be mare
>get invited to cute human coltfriend's house
>see his bed
>it's fucking gigantic
>he must be planning to have a massive herd of a dozen mares
>holy shit you landed a stud
>inb4 his snores rattle the windows
>Implying mares wouldn't spin that into a personal win
>"Ayep, my husband's a total bear in the sack"
Honestly my headcanon for that is 'Applejack beats em up'
fix it for you
she breeds the mares?
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>Hide your husbands
>The mares are coming
>You cannot compete
How does Anon and his mare friend deal with the stereotype of all humans being super hard core doms.

Like does mare friend do when all her birthday gifts are bdsm themed sex toys for her?
>tfw lesbians are nasty but stallion on stallion cuddling is considered super hot
>>the stereotype of all humans being super hard core doms

>Anon is a bit of a femdomfag
>Rarity is a maledomdyke
>Rarity constantly hits on Anon in maledom fashion, making herself seem 'submissive and breedable'
>This does nothing as Anon goes to watch AJ and RD hoof wrestle again
I mean he was inside a stallion.
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Pre-bed boop
What about extreme size difference?
>Caramel and Twilight conspire to transform me without my knowledge or consent.
Honestly, I would beat the shit out of both of them. That's not something you just do to someone.
Lyra just wanted to start a movie review channel
I'd be tearing both of them a new asshole, and not in the fun way.
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no matter what form you take, you'll always be good at fighting! thy are my most strongest warrior
Only if you're a fag.
Would Lyra say human movies are overall good cause they're human or bad because they don't have enough films of half naked big dicked men being save by the most maresculine of female role models
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>thy are my most strongest warrior
>ywn be a battle mai- a battle BUTLER of a certain weeby lunar princess
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Caramel and I would be besties in RGRE. I wouldn't be seen as an easy guy because I learn from the mistakes of others and know to stay away from hookups and situationships.
Just look at him! I wanna hang out and chat about mares with him.
Lyra is an artist, not some base conscoomer. She'd say they're great because they have so many half-naked men doing mare stuff.
Funnily enough, the era appropriate male equivalent term for maiden is knight, not butler.
Cause from the old english root, maiden literally just meant "young woman", and knight literally just meant "young man". It's only on the modernization of old english that the term maiden gained a "purity and innocence" connotation, and the term knight gained a military connotation, since, for a good chunk of time, knights (read: young men) would've been the main military units for any city, town or country, thereby gaining the military association between "young men" and "soldier".
People believe maiden comes from "maid", so assume the male would be butler, but this is factually not so, for the aforementioned reason.
You'd be Luna's battleknight.
Don't tempt me to write a green about extreme size difference RGRE, anon.
>You'd be Luna's battleknight.
>It is better to be a warrior in a garden. Than a gardener at war.
Not usually my thing, but occasionally I can see the appeal. https://ponerpics.org/img/view/2023/10/16/6808738.png
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>"Hey Fluttershy check out this weird stallion I found in Tartatus"
>"In Tar- Wait, WHAT?"
>"Not tar, silly! Tar-TARUS! Anyway I think he'd be really good at taking care of our foals, he really loves bunny rabbits-"
>"B-bunnies? Ok, I'll marry him too um, if that's alright, I guess"
>"You sure? Aren't you and Discor-"
>(Sounds of extreme ape violence)
>"Oh, guess Discord's not a problem anymore! Guess there's no more chocolate rain but honestly I didn't like that guy most of the time!"
why would doomguy rip and tear discord? he's annoying, but not especially malicious
besides discord's a reality warper. he would quite literally pull himself together after the ripping and tearing while commenting on how rude that was
conning him into weekly paradox poker games seems like it'd be a better and more entertaining idea
Demon, or at the very least, demon-ajdacent.
>Discord survives
Does he? He's not all-powerful. Chrysalis's throne kept him from teleporting into the hive. Stands to reason there might be other ways of subverting him.
>Playing cards with Discord
Doomguy is less a man and more an avatar of divine wrath. Even if he can't kill Discord he'd just be tearing him apart constantly.
...Actually that could be funny. Discord can't die, Doomguy can't not try to kill him, cue an Odd Couple scenario.
Whoa mama thats a big mare, just how i like them
>ywn ride on your horse-waifu's back when you go out and about
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>tfw your waifu will never ride on your shoulders when you go out and about
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>meanwhile Eris be like
"Why not both Anon?"
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>as she rides on your shoulders and you ride on her back, you slowly fold into each other, forming a non-euclidian piggyback ride feedback loop that transcends dimensions and becomes physically painful to look at from the outside
>you two do this everyday, and Twilight is sick of having to take pain pills for the headaches you both cause
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Twicel is just mad she doesn't get to ride on anyone's shoulders.
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I like bigpone because I get to be the small spoon.
that's why luna is perfect size: she can be either depending on the mood
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Lunachads keep winning

I want to cuddle the twicell.
Monocellular pones were fun. Even if cumming inside one resulted in enough foals to cause a planet-destroying fatherly magic eruption.
Step aside, marelets. The most eligible bachelorette is taking the field.
I liked monocellular pones with the eldritch angle of anon being (to them) an eldritch mass of billions of beings acting as a hivemind also applebloom wanting to befriend anon cause she had a "make a friend" class for school, and if she befriended Anon, she simultaneously had billions of friends, with the required upkeep of 1 friend.
she’s so eligible bros…
That thin line of lipstick looks very wrong and I don't know why.
I'll tell you why- cuz those lips ain't pressed against mine!
nah but really, it's not lined up with her mouth
it fits her character!
>"You look great Moonie, but we both know you'd look better with a foal in you."
>And there was much sexo
>And much coping and gnashing of teeth by the marecels
>by befriending Anon, Applebloom technically has more friends than anyone else in her class
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>by marrying Anon, Applejack technically has more horsebands than any mare in history ever.
>Applejack's pregnancy is very odd
>Mainly: she had one at all
>Rather than several billion mitoses, she forms a large abdominal pocket almost, but not quite, like a cell wall
>Inside is a single multicellular Apple Anonfilly (limited edition!)
>Like, completely visible inside of Applejack's now stretched and jello-y exterior
>Roseluck still won't do business with Applejack

>As for the rest of the term?
>It's surprisingly not inconvenient
>A canon mare's fetus can, of course, disrupt her range of movement in many ways
>A cellumare's fetus is simply suspended in a sack of mare-scented gelatin, which shifts position whenever needed
>This has the hilariously disturbing effect of a gyro-stabilized fetus suspended in a very watery Applejack
>The birth goes well, in that she just splits out the womb-cell like she would've had she not decided to marry the friendliest cosmic horror in town

>Applejack just had several billion foals in one go
>The Sweet Apple Acres family wins the blue ribbon at the Apple Clan Foal-off because of course they have one of those
>Cousin Cosmic was sure she'd win for just splitting into quarters, dang it
>Anon insists on naming the new collective Legion of Womb.
>Legion of womb
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>Legion of Womb.
So I had a pony dream this night. Don't think this was entirely the first one, but I don't really remember other ones. Since it felt vaguely RGRE related, here goes.

>Be me.
>Dream starts with me somehow having knowledge in my head that I'm going on a date/booty call/hookup with a fae.
>Yes, a fae. Not some sparkly fairy type of thing, but the medieval version of eldritch horror fae.
>I almost immediately get a phone call to my mobile phone.
>It's Lyra, being a sperg and hitting on me.
>The conversation is weird. I don't remember any words, though I'm fairly certain both her and I talked during the dream.
>Instead, I remember looking up at a huge brick bridge, on which multiple trains were passing by.
>Despite me looking at it from the bottom at a sharp angle, I can see multiple trains pass by, as if they're moving at different heights.
>There's pictures on the trains, on which my conversation with Lyra plays out, instead of words.
>First train that passes by has a picture of Lyra, while the second one has her and Hope, her satyr fanon daughter.
>I'm fairly certain there was something else, but I don't remember.
>After that, the dream immediately cuts to me being inside a train, standing next to and looking at Lyra, who's sitting in the very back of the train.
>She's old now. Mad old. A wrinkled old grandma. I assume I'm old now as well.
>She's also the absolute fucking smuggest I ever saw someone be.
>Like super fucking smug, seriously.
>"Taking the whole train for a fun day out with the kids really was a great idea, huh?"
>The reason is probably the fact that the entire train is absolutely crammed with nothing but our offspring, who are having a whale of a time, shouting and being liddle shits, like kids do, though there's a fair amount of adults there as well. I assume that the kids are actually my grandchildren.
>The. Entire. Train.
>I don't know how I'm aware of this, but I am.
>I agree with her, though I again don't remember speaking. I almost never speak in dreams.
>After a moment, I feel like taking a step outside.
>I casually appear outside the moving train, lesurly strolling alongside, observing the bizarre dreamscapes passing by.
>It's a bit like a scene from that "void train" game, the tracks floating in a strange, fluctuating magical ether, various landscapes materializing and dematerializing as the train moves.
>A big megacity, a colorful fog, etc.
>I sometimes patch up the tracks beneath the train as I ponder on whatever happened to with the fae.
>It's been in the back of my mind ever since I appeared in the train, since I kind of assumed that Lyra, being kind of a spergy weirdo, would have her butt kicked by the totally trixy fae.
>But no, there's no sign of the fae anywhere. No sign of us having any kind of herding relationship of any kind. Just Lyra. Lyra, our legion of offspring, and a strange void train passing through dimensions.
>and a strange void train passing through dimensions.

That's the train that takes you to Equestria.
>I ponder on that for a short while longer, walking alongside the train before I suddenly wake up.
>It's at least an hour too early for me to get up, though I'd prefer to sleep for at least two more hours, really.
>I can't fall asleep again, though. I feel uncomfortable, my heart rate has shot up, and sleep eludes me.
>As I rake my mind over and over, I can't find any clues as to what happened to the fae.
>I never even saw her. Just somehow had the knowledge that I was about to go to a date with one, and then... Old Lyra and me in the train.
>I don't even waifu Lyra, nor do I like satyrs.
>So what the hell happened? Where did the fae go?
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>Why did I dream of [pony I don't waifu] and I having 10 gorillion mutant foals?
Your soul is pure and knows any mare is better than no mare. If tickets exist, yours is surely secure. Go in peace, Anon.
Maybe Lyra was the fae?
I liked the prompt from a few months ago that Anon is in Hell and that's why the pony's behavior seems tailor made to irritate him.
Me too. It was a fun prompt.
How buggy are changelings? Does bug spray hurt them, or is that just a racist caricature? The gender ratio bias makes the most sense for changelings, what with being ruled by a queen and all the worker drones being female. How do you think changeling males are treated? They're emotion-eating bug-monsters who burrow underground, there's got to be something creative in there.
If we are basing changelings off of ants then male changelings would only have one job in the hive. That being to fertilize eggs. I could see changelings having even stricter gender roles than ponies with males only serving as breeding stock and nothing else.
>How bug?
Very bug. I'd say they have chitin exoskeletons and copper-based blood. It's why they can nullify other races' magic, but still use their own. They're different.
>How to bug?
Yes. They should have very few males. If other races have ~25%, changelings should have <10%. Like >>41155582 said, they would be little more than sperm producers. Hives would trade them as political tokens.
They're not usually worked to death, or anything, but they don't get much in the way of luxuries. Most hives are love-starved, and drones only do one thing, and it's not all the time, so you can't feed your drones too much. And it is unheard of that one is metamorphosed into a specialist form.
Is this /rgre/ or /bug/?
>Where did the fae go?
the wicked fae was repelled by the purity of the pony that fills your heart and soul
subconsciously, you chose a family with a mare you don't waifu over a hookup with a fae, and you were rewarded with a vision of you with a mare who loves you and your gorillion children
congratulations, Anon, and godspeed to Equestria
Now I want to know what a human/monocellular organism hybrid would look like.
>Anon and Applejack's foal is, at first, a normal monocellular organism in the shape of a pony; despite Applejack's unusual pregnancy
>As far as a mono/multi-cellular hybrid can be considered normal, anyway
>Then Applejack notices something
>The older her foal gets, the greener she gets
>She initially dismisses this her filly growing up and "taking on her color" (I'm assuming mono-cellular ponies still look like normal ponies, despite their mono-cellular nature)
>But then she discovers a disturbing fact
>Thanks to her daughter's multi-cellular ancestry by ways of her father, she can do a few things that regular mono-cellular ponies can't
>Whenever she went to the ol' swimmin' hole behind Sweet Apple Acres, she's been exposed to algae in the water
>This hybrid filly has been absorbing the chloroplast of the algae, causing her to take on a green hue and giving her the ability to synthesize sunlight
>Applejack, poor, simple monocellular creature she is, is horrified
>Her daughter has taken on organelles from her environment
>What is she?
>It's not even "you want a job to support yourself, sweetheart? Sure thing, sugardick"
>It's "you literally exist to spooge on my eggs, what the fuck do you mean 'voting rights', get back in the pit goddamnit"
I bet first-time infiltrators struggle with showing empathy to non-changeling males. They've been conditioned their whole lives to see males as breeding stock and nothing more, but now that they're out in horseland they have to 'romance' the walking testicles? Maybe changeling queens send these greenhorns out to podunk towns in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere, where inexperienced, bumbling infiltrators can practice without risk of gaining the princess's attention.
Wouldn't it make more sense for infiltrators to take the form of males? You know since it'd be way easier to get love that way. Or do infiltrators refuse to turn into stallions and seduce mares because that would be dykeish?
Changeling mares have too much dignity to willingly take the form of a glorified sperm bank.
That would explain why Chrysalis replaced Cadance instead of Shining.
>Cadance is a ridiculously over the top misandrist.
>So much so Shining doesn't notice when Chrysalis (also a raging misandrist) replaces his fiance.
>Chryalis calls him a walking sperm bank, slaps his ass and tells him to get back to the kitchen.
>Shining just goes "Hmm, she's in a good mood today."
>Look at dem tentacles.
>Swimming alone at night? He's asking for it.
>Raise Ry'leigh up from the sea? Okay sweetie how about you raise me up a sandwhich first?
>"You're going to usher in the crawling unending night and snuff out all life on this insignificant planet?"
>Aria crudely gestures to her fish-gina a few times
>"How 'bout you usher in this puss instead?"
And then she laughs, high-fives Adagio and Sonata, and swims away. Cthulhu-non cries himself to sleep that night.
>This is why Chthulu doesn't visit Equestria anymore.
>lower-dimension mortals only want one thing and it's fucking disgusting
you know what this thread needs? more doomstar anonicorn and ketchup-covered icecream stories
It's NORAM, okay?!
>cue Hesperides, aka Anon Jr., evolving into the ultimate lifeform
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Be the change you want to see.
Anonicorn could have been good, not RGREnuff though
Aww, but Anon! All she wants is over 300 megabytes of memory for a single page displaying a text document! Is that really so much to ask? Besides, 64 gigs of RAM is standard now, right? R-Right? God, I remember when 8 gigs of RAM was pushing it, and now 32 is more common. You know what was a fucking nightmare in the late 90's? Going through a giant list of soundblaster drivers and trying to figure out which one is yours so that you can play some fucking Warcraft 2 with music.
now those are mares i have not seen in a long time
big F to internet explorer mare
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>"We don't take kindly to browsermares round these parts"
a220 irq5 dma1
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Eh, Dagon works better than Cthulhu in RGRE
>Full title is Father Dagon.
>Consort of Mother Hydra, the true ruler of the Deep Ones, he’s just the stay-at-home dad.
>Prime specimen of his species, just look at that tail.
>Has sired so many children.
>The original undersea DILF.
>The Deep Ones’ dad has got it going on.

Also fun fact, all hybrid Deep One’s are the result of a female Deep One and a male human. Literal man stealers.
>Deep Ones arrive in Equestria.
>Do their thing, set up shop near some unsuspecting costal village.
>A cult is formed right underneath the watchful gaze of Celestia. Pretty easy to do just look at Starlight.
>Podunk town mysteriously gets way more rich. But stallions start to go missing.
>Since there’s so few stallions in Equestria the royal guard takes notice quickly.
>Too late, Deep One’s have snatched up plenty of horsebands for their schools ( thefishy equivalent of a herd).
>Nine months later the first documented sightings of Sirens occur of the coast of Horseshoe Bay.
>You know what was a fucking nightmare in the late 90's?
Wanting to play a game after you get home from school but your mom is having a 5 hour and 43 minute long phone call with her sister? Early-mid 2000s, but still.
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God, the hours-long talks over the phone with auntie-whoever. I get it now as an adult, and I'm glad that my mom and her sisters kept in touch and were on such good terms with each other. But when I was a kid, they were the bane of my existence. And don't get me started on how ass Windows 95 was. I'm sitting on my ass trying to install Peter Pan, and then it blue-screens on installation floppy disk 3 of 5 because fuck me I guess.
>ywn manually install programs in the days before the installation wizard
>Which is to say, >ywn be a small child whose dad has to manually install Sim Town for him to play
You have no idea how good you have it.
If Internet Explorer were an actual pony who went and brought me websites, it would be worth any wait. Celestia having my internet data is much better than it going to Microshit anyway.
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An Anonicorn prompt
>Be Princess Celestia
>Currently overseeing Canterlot and awaiting the inevitable descent of your sister's moon
>You wait until you feel her magic surround the area and you take your position in raising the sun
>This used to be the highlight of your day (eyy)
>But now, something came up that made it your all-time favorite
>Up until last week, only you and your sister had the power to controll the celestial bodies
>But then, one morning you felt somepony else's magic take control
>This isn't the work of a group of rogue unicorns, no
>It was done by one lone entity
>Another alicorn
>At first, you were overjoyed at the idea of another one of your species is alive
>But then dread sets in that they had the idea and power to control the sun
>It started to devolve into a tug of war of sorts
>You made sure Luna and all of your little ponies didn't know about your morning scuffle
>But one day ,out of genuine curiosity, you decided to let them take control
>Granted this was a very risky maneuver, considering your letting a stranger control an aspect of nature that could plunge Equestria into a scorching hellhole or ice age
>So you observed how the alicorn controlled your sun
>You could tell they were pouring more than necessary magic in changing its trajectory
>Likely a novice in magic?
>But the sun's location is adjusted around 1 hour previous of its destination
>This continued every morning
>You decided to probe this alicorn's magic
>When two unicorn's magic interwine, like say holding the same object, they are able to feel each other
>Their appearance, their attitude, even memories if one overpowers the other
>That's exactly what you did
>As soon as they grasped the sun, you interwined your own magic alongside theirs
>It was akin to holding someone's hoof, but in this case, you were just guiding theirs
>You took a deep breath and let their magic slowly pour into yours and...
>Oh my
>You open your eyes and release your hold over the sun
>Your face felt hot at what you had just seen
>The alicorn is a male
>Male unicorn magic is a bit distinct compared to females
>Though that thought is starting to be disputed by the stallionists funnily enough
>But you know for a thousand years that a colt's magic is distinct enough for you to know for a fact a male alicorn is trying to reach the sun
>This revelation shook your entire world
>But you also want to keep it a secret
>This was the most interesting thing that happened in your immortal life
>But you also felt bad in leaving Luna in the dark
>Maybe one day when she's ready for you and her to track down this missing alicorn
>As the sun rose on your command, a familiar tug was felt
>You honed in on that feeling and held it tight
>Suddenly your mind envisions the magic coursing through you
>A quaint cabin, surrounded by wooden furniture
>A hoof blocks the sun's light
>Then you blink, back at the balcony once again
Question. Anon is an easily-tricked rube. Would it not be easy for a mare to try and trick him into giving her a smooch? Does this look like the face of mercy?
>Implying Anon needs to be tricked.
>An Anonicorn prompt

Based. Thank you anon.
>>But the sun's location is adjusted around 1 hour previous of its destination
>Anon is really upset that this new world doesn't have daylight's saving, and has made it his mission as an alicorn to correct that
>It was the same thing and you sigh in frustration
>By then, the sun was a little more ways back at where it's supposed to be
>You could adjust it later
>But for know, this day's attempt on learning where the alicorn is unsuccessful
>You ordered some of your covert scouts and vanguards to search for remote cabins in Equestria
>But none yielded adequate results
>Still the feeling of his magic mixing with your own is an unforgettable feeling
>Your face burns and you let out a marely giggle
>Yes very marely
>Turning towards your royal regalia seated at your room, you put on your princess face
>For now, you have a kingdom to rule

>Be Anon
>Get isekai'd in some sort of fantasy land
>As a horse
>Not just any horse, some sort of hybrid between a unicorn and a pegasus
>A pegacorn if you will
>First day was a disaster since your mind isn't really used to quadrupedal travel
>But you can shoot spells that blow up trees and rocks
>That usually helped with the hostile wild life
>But then came the food and water problem
>You don't got any
>You tried eating the grass but you just wanted to throw up after swallowing it
>That was a no go
>Eating meat taken from fish and dead animals somewhat helped but it felt like your digestive system was having an identity crisis
>Also you took up shelter in trees and caves
>It was more or less like this for the first few days of your miserable life
>Until a bunch of short talking horses approached you
>They called themselves ponies and this particular group was made up of farmers
>They took you to their home, which is a small town filled other ponies, and gave you a warm meal and a bed
>Corn Clan, they called themselves, which made you giggle a bit
>Still you were grateful for their help
>Papee Corn, or his real name Parag, was the patriarch and the one who strongarmed in taking you in when you first rejected their offer
>A stand-up guy, gentle to his own kin unless they needed discipline
>Mamee Corn, aka Terra, was the matriarch, short, sweet, and the head of the family, she and her bloodline made the land foster corn and corn produces
>Strict against her own family but dotes on you like precious chinaware
>And finally we have Uniqua Corn, or just shortened to Uni(kek), is the eldest sister of the family
>She is the one who helped settle you in to her family
>You two were inseparable to say the least
>She is more or less the tallest of the family, while also being the strongest
>Until you came along that is
>You were naturally strong and are able to use magic (either explosions or pushing/pulling things at least)
>While you could tell she had her pride chipped by your presence, she was nonetheless supportive of you and was right by your side whenever you two did manual labor
>In any case, this was more or less your life until last week you discovered something about your magic
>It was around one morning, you were at the end of a large single-row bed belonging to the younger children of the Corn Family
>You were the last to get on the bed so you had to suffer the worst spot in the room
>Right near the window
>And every morning, you were forced to suffer the blinding light of the sun burning directly into your eyes
>You just wanted 5 for minutes of sleep goddammit
>But then to your shock, the sun's rays started to move backwards
>The light shimmered back form where they came from and the sky grew dimmer
>Your big ass horn was glowing and it was the only thing illuminated in the room
>You can turn back time
>Feel like Lex Luthor becoming Superman
>It's like discovering a really awesome, yet terrifying part about yourself
>Never tell this to anyone in the family
>Not even to Uni
>You didn't want to screw up something so you decided to practice this newfound skill of yours everyday at the same time without anyone else noticing it
>Every morning, before the Corn Family wakes up, at the same window
>You more or less experiment with how much you can reverse time
>The maximum amount you allowed yourself was 1 hour rewind
>More or less, it became a hobby of yours
>But then something else happened
>Time was fighting back
>You felt it tug back against
>You were cocky and decided to give Father Time the middle finger
>So you more or less tussled with the invisible force
>Sometimes you won, sometimes you lost
>Other times it didn't even pull back against you
>But now something was going on
>You were starting to feel weird during the rewind time
>Like someone was watching you
>You didn't want to take any chances so you made sure to do the deed before the weird feeling started to grow too much from your liking
>"Rise and shine everypony!"
>The voice of Uni woke every single earth filly and foal from their beds and raced out of the room
>But you were still bed, trying to catch some Zs
>Uni slowly walked to your side of the bed with an unimpressed look
>"You know it's time for everypony to wake up."
>Emphasizing the everypony part, you turned to face her
"Well the sun's not up yet so..."
>You snuggle against your pillow while Uni rolled her eyes
>"I still don't know what the buck is happening right now. But I could tell it's something to do with you Anonee."
>Suppress a giggle since you feel like Loki right now
"Not really my fault, don't know any magic besides blowing stuff up and well moving boxes of corn."
>You flash her a smug grin and she turns away (blushing) while muttering something about 'colt magic'
>"Anyway, the sun ain't cooperating but the clock does. Be down in 5 minutes or breakfast is gone."
>With that, she walks away leaving you alone in the room
>Well can't have work without an empty stomach
>Corn is starting to grow on you
>You pulled off the large blanked and stretched like a cat, letting your wings out for no one to see
>Time to go to work
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Swipe left or right, fellas?
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>A medical doctor and two princesses have written and signed a document confirming that I have no soul.
Same. Oh what the hell, what could possibly go wrong at this point…
>fresh anonicorn green
>it's good
keep it up writefren I look forward to more
>>You tried eating the grass but you just wanted to throw up after swallowing it
>Anon has the body and teeth of a pony, but the diet of a human
>Slip Stream sat on the cloud high above Ponyville. It was early on a Saturday. Normally, she’d be sleeping until noon when her dad would force her to get up, but her mother had insisted that they get up with the sun. Her mother stood next to her at that moment, the wind blowing through her mane.
>Slip could feel the butterflies in her stomach. While her mom was a few steps away, to her, it felt like she was breathing directly down her neck. It was hard not to feel anxious, but she did her very best. Peeking over the cloud, she scanned the ground below.
>She could see ponies in the market. Over the wind, she could just make out laughter as well as shouts. She could see some of her friends walking around with their parents. There was Mrs. Cheerilee buying some candy. There was Princess Twilight and her dragon assistant buying some carrots. Just below their cloud, she watched as Derpy flew through the air, her saddlebags filled with mail.
>“Now take your time,” she heard her mother say. “There’s no need to rush. The worst thing you can do is hurry this up. You understand, kiddo?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Slip replied.
>She heard her mother move closer to her.
>“Now, he’s not going to be hard to spot at all, but for a normal stallion picking him out of a crowd can be tricky, especially if he doesn’t have a flashy coat or mane. My mom taught me it was always better to focus on the little things. How their manes were styled, did they wear something that would make them stand out. Today we don’t need to worry about that, alright? Right now, all I want you to do is spot him and get ready.”
>Slip nodded her head. She leaned further out, her eyes scanning until she found her target. Like her mom had said, he wasn’t hard to find at all. With how big she was, she would have been able to pick him out all the way in Canterlot.
>Anonymous the hyoo-man was wandering the marketplace. There was a bag bigger than her held casually in one of his hands. The hyoo-man didn’t seem to be in any hurry, looking at each stall and chatting with ponies.
>He dwarfed even the biggest mare and stallion. Heck, Slip had seen how huge Celestia was and even she’d have to look up at him. Not only was he tall, but he was wide as well; not in a fat way or anything--she’d never call a colt fat, even an alien colt--but he [i]was[/i] wide. The kind of stallion you could hide behind.
>Big critters were nothing really new in Ponyville. The town was spitting distance from the Everfree. Hydras, Manticores, Ursa Majors, and even bigger things were commonplace. What was interesting with Anon was that he was large, and he was shockingly patient with ponies.
>Slip’s mom had told her stories that happened back when she was really, really little that some ponies in town did that Anon had just laughed away. Situations where a normal stallion would call the guard and arrests would be made. Over the years, this tolerance had been pushed and some would say abused by the town; what Slip and her mother were currently doing being a prime example.
>It was a grand pegasi tradition for a mare to swoop down and steal her mate for marriage. It was something that had been happening long before recorded history, and would continue into the far future. Most mares were given some advice by the older ladies in their lives, maybe they’d be able to watch a swoopening happen live, but there really wasn’t a way to practice. Not on somepony alive and who wouldn’t kick the cutiemark off one’s flank for trying it. That was where Anon came in.
>The hyoo-man didn’t mind being swooped. He was so darn big that he made a very easy target, and he was heavy enough that he couldn’t be picked up. He also had no family who would attack a pegasus that was just trying to learn the ropes.
>Sure, it still wasn’t completely "safe". A mare going too fast would end up crashing into the hyoo-man’s back and wind up getting her front teeth knocked out for her trouble. He could also make a sudden turn and have them crashing into something hard and painful. Most ponies were used to the pegasi’ shenanigans, but on occasion a mare or stallion new in town might try to intervene. Anon did, on occasion, like to reach back and marehandle a would-be swooper, petting and scratching her whilst dozens of ponies watched on in amusement. Still, despite all that, every pegasus in Ponyville treasured the alien colt and how he helped their little ones.
>“Do you see him?” Slip’s mom asked.
“Yes ma’am,” Slip replied with a little nod.
>“Alrighty. In that case, why don’t we give this a go? Stand up.”
>Slip did as her mother asked. She ruffled her feathers, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. Her mom, as if sensing her unease, leaned down to give her a nuzzle.
>“You’ll do [i]fine[/i],” she said. “Now, remember, jump off this cloud and give a big flap, then tuck your wings and let yourself fall, alright?”
>“You want to fall towards him, but not too fast. If you go too fast, you’ll smash into him, and your father will kill me if you get your nose busted. So, if you think you’re picking up too much speed, use your wings to slow yourself, but not too slow. If you’re too slow, somepony might smack you before you can try to pick ‘em up. Understand?”
“I think so…”
>“Good. When you’re close enough, aim for under his arms. When you get a hold of him flap your wings as hard as you can. You aren’t gonna be able to pick ‘em up, but don’t get discouraged. When you finally find yourself some lucky mister you’ll be able to pick him up real easy, because you’re my strong little girl. Remember: fast, but not too fast, slow down if you need to, and for Celestia’s sake don’t hurt yourself.”
>Slip’s mom gave her a pat on the rump.
>“Go get ‘em.”
>Slip didn’t think. She knew if she would have started thinking she would have freaked out and frozen. She couldn’t do that; not in front of her mom. If she did freeze she was completely certain that she’d never hear the end of it.
>The young pegasus leapt into the air, her hooves outstretched. She flapped her wings hard, which sent her twenty feet upward in an instant. Slip felt vertigo, but she kept her wings close to her sides and her hooves out as she began to fall.
>Her mother yelled something, but she didn’t catch it as the wind began to pound in her ears. She could feel it tugging at her fur and feathers as she fell, picking up speed. It took considerable effort not to unfurl her wings. While she did spend a lot of time in the air, she really wasn’t used to falling, especially like this.
>A hundred feet down, she had to squint to be able to see. She could feel her heart pounding in her ears. The ground was getting closer and closer by the second. It felt like if she’d blink, she’d crash right into it. Feeling anxiety twist in her gut, the young mare gave her wings a quick flap. It threw off that perfect arch toward the hyoo-man that she had been on, but it slowed her down to a more manageable speed.
>Through her narrowed eyes, she could still see Anon. He hadn’t moved from his spot. No pony was in her way. As far as she could tell, nopony had even noticed her yet. She was going to get him. She was going to get him!
>Slip flapped her wings again, this time forcing herself to go faster. She flew over the top of stalls, then in between them, dodging and weaving around flags and poles and the occasional balloon. Her eyes were glued right in the center of Anon’s back.
>He was just thirty feet away. Twenty. Ten. Remember what mom said and just hoof your hooves right under his arms and [i]lift[/i]!
>Her hooves touched the clothing of his back. Slip let out a triumph cry. That cry turned into a yelp when the hyoo-man spun around. She had never seen anything move so fast. He was like a blur the second she touched him. She felt arms wrap around her barrel, then she found herself spinning and spinning, so quickly that the world turned into a mess of colors.
>Anon, spinning in circles so he could safely slow the mare in his arms, let out a laugh. “Looks like I caught me an adorable little horse,” he said.
>It took a few seconds for Slip to collect herself as the hyoo-man’s spinning slowed to a stop. When the world stopped spinning, she was able to focus up at the hyoo-man’s grinning face.
>“Is that you, Slip Steam?” he said. “I thought so. I saw that orange mop of hair up on that cloud. You might want to put a cap on to hide it when you want to swoop that special somepony.”
>He lifted her up somewhat and, in front of Celestia and everypony, blew a raspberry right onto her stomach. Slip’s eyes widened in horror. She tried to wrench herself free, but the hyoo-man’s grip was like iron.
>“You know, you used to let me hold you like this when you were really little,” he said, ignoring her squirming. “You’d laugh and laugh when I’d blow on your tummy.”
>He blew another raspberry on her stomach. Out of the corner of Slip’s eye, she could see that cute colt that she liked in class. He was with his friends. All of them were watching her. Heat flooded the young pegasus’ face as Anon nuzzled her stomach like an affectionate father.
>She was trapped. Her mother wasn’t going to fly down here and try to get Anon off of her. If she tried that she might end up in the hyoo-man’s arms too. Slip tried flapping her wings and kicking her legs as hard as she could, but she may as well have been trying to push apart a mighty oak. She didn’t even have the dignity of hiding herself with her wings. All she could do was lie in Anon’s arms, desperately wishing she was somewhere else.
>“You still got that belly from when you were little, huh?”
>Oh, by harmony did she wish at that moment to just explode.
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What she sayin?
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>corn family finds a MALE alicorn
>tells no one
>"we just get him enamored with the eldest, and BAM! We're instant royalty!"
>"hush you silly mare"

Surely nothing could go wrong
Enjoying this story so far!
>male aliCORN

Clearly it's a sign.
Don't know why, but I can see her also running aerodynamics sims for man, stallion and the general cock shape of both.
Wonderful short green, anon. Very cute.
She never stood a chance.
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>Celestia, being Celestia, is highly amused by the political chicanery
>More than that, she finally has a convenient dumping ground
>Blueblood suspected nothing
>Not even when his coachmare had sudden diarrhea and had to stop the carriage right outside a cornfield
>Perhaps, if he ever had a thought in his pretty little head, he would've thought it suspect that she dared mention a bodily function to a stallion of his breeding
>Needless to say, by the time she returned, her ward was gone and somewhere in the fields a princess was getting pregnant
>All according to keikaku
>ywn spoil ur waifu with oats
Just end it, famalamadingdong.
Can oats be a fancy thing to ponies? Is there such thing as gourmet oats, or are they just the sort of shit you can buy on Earth? Asking for a friend
Question. Do you think ponies have higher body temperatures, or lower body temperatures when compared to humans?
>"Anon, for the love of Celestia cook anything other than oats."
>"Or maybe we can order takeout. Hayburgers or carrotdogs..."
>"Nope." Anon says as he shovels another helping of oats onto the dinner table.
I like to imagine ponies are naturally very warm. Perfect
Meant to say perfect for cuddles. Got cut off there.
>Raw, machine-cut oats
It worked either way.
A steady diet of oats keeps your mare stromg and healthy so she can bring home the haybacon.
>Waifu is laying on her side on the kitchen floor, weeping
>All he ever feeds her is oats
>He doesn't even cook them'
>Mom always told her that she'd kick her daughter's flank if she got a divhorse
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It all comes back to the Great Oat Thief, Loyrah. If she didn't keep stealing the hyoo-mans oats, he wouldn't have to spend all his money on restocking, thus making it so he can't buy anything else.
>"Why are you doing thi-!?"
>"You have to eat ALL the oats."
>How Lyra saved Ponyville from a confused colt Tartarus-bent on purchasing power tools
Like a hero.
Pinkie Pie and Applejack are chubby chasers. I don't know why but it feels right.
Pinkie Pie for sure, every fatty-lover I knew naturally liked to cook. Applejack I doubt a bit, because she doesn't appreciate lazy-bones.
>because she doesn't appreciate lazy-bones
Eh, a light chub on her stallion is how a farming mare knows she's doing good. Strong-fat is a thing anyway.
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Mare's face when she sees you doing something dangerous that a stallion would never do.
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I could really go for a mare whose pussy tastes like hummus.
>so she can bring home the haybacon
Which Anon promptly confiscates and replace with more oats
"I'm going to take the tag off the mattress and there's nothing you can do to stop me!"
Joke's on her, not only have I burned myself while soldering many times before, I had a drop of solder actually land on me. Not as painful as one might think, at least after a second or five.
Now if she'd stop staring and hold that damn wire so I could reattach it without having to hold both it and the solder like some goddamn chopsticks…
Rosin flux smells nice btw. I wonder if those horses would come up with some less dangerous lead-less solder that isn't as finicky as the ones we have.
>ywn fuck about with old electronics to build some shabby radio receiver so you can listen to some tunes as you help your geeky horse-gf-and-wife-to-be-who-doesn't-know-it-yet that's her indian name btw
>Anon mostly stays in and helps Granny with the cooking
>She plans on teaching Anon her recipes so that he can cook for Applejack
>Naturally, he has to sample his cooking to make sure he's doing it right
>Anon is unhappy that he's put on a little weight as a result
>Applejack has conflicted feelings she didn't expect to feel
How much of a mare's concern for her stallion is genuine protectiveness, and how much of it is condescending "you're not supposed to do that"?
I've done some headcanon about this and had a story idea knocking around:
Male breeders are assigned to groups of changelings, with groups usually organised by task and specialisation. Small squads of elite fighters are luckiest, only sharing their breeder with a dozen or two battle sisters. At the bottom of the food chain, vast swaths of menial labourers have to manage their single male. Many changeling mares never mate, breeders are a reward for utility and results, and competition is fierce.
Breeders are precious, and affectionately cared for, but expected to be profusely servile and accommodating. Most of a breeder's down time is spent on grooming and preparing themselves to be as pleasant for their mares as possible. A chipper, infantile attitude is inculcated in them, and their more competent female hivemates talk down to them as one would to a child.
Hives generally have guarded male quarters, which their mares will check them in and out of between use. Lots of green glowing light and nutrient baths and whatever else bugs would consider luxurious.

>One day the most righteous, upstanding, chivalrous paladin of a pony mare finds a lost changeling male, and swears upon her honour to reunite him with his hive. Easier said than done when he's supposed to be the designated plaything of the Hive's most deranged unit of elite assassins. To make matters worse, the brainwashed, submissive little colt keeps offering her the darkest temptation she's ever faced. Can our heroine smuggle a changeling through unsympathetic pony lands? Can she avoid being killed by jealous bug assassins? Can she show her new friend that not all mares are the same? Can she keep her hooves to herself long enough to prevent a war?
>Can she keep her hooves to herself?
Is he supposed to starve?! What is that mare thinking?
That sounds excellent, I accept it as my personal headcanon.

That's exactly what the changeling male said to her, the slut/

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