Previous Thread: >>41137866Fauster's Story Archive: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1XiJRe1NWl_kIoWsHssZ27BMV7bZAe1jgX59-dWggYkA/Uh-hmmm's Prompt Archives:https://ponepaste.org/1046Have a broken Pastebin link? Replace pastebin.com with poneb.inRemember:not to save anything of value on Pastebinignore all attempts at early new threadsignore new threads by the cheerimac posterkeep your thick, colty mare (or mares) perpetually pregnant and give 'em the licc
first for best pony
Do marecels really?
>>41171957A coomergf might be fun, as long she isn't only interested in rubbing her clit. Nymphos aren't it.
>>41171975>a coomergf might be funyeah for how long?
>>41172032That's what I said, as long as she ain't a nympho. There's levels to it.
Never been in one of these threads but honestly RGR is the primary way I've imagined the MLP universe for years now. I just prefer girls who take initiative and I feel like assertive females would be more common in the MLP universe for various reasons.Here's my headcanons>Earth Ponies are traditionally patriarchal. Their whole shtick is strength, and a society that revolves around that is going to have males being the ones in charge (I imagine female Earth Ponies are often stronger than males of the other Pony types, but not as much as Earth pony males) Earth mares want strong stallions, Earth stallions want a trad wife>Pegasi are more neutral, but lean towards patriarchy. Females are tolerated in positions of authority so long as they're demonstrated to be fierce/daring.>Unicorns are close to neutral, but lean a lot toward being a matriarchy. The Unicorns' entire race doesn't give a single fuck about physical strength because they can just lift shit telekinetically. Unlike muscles, a Pony's magical strength is completely unrelated to their sex. So mares and stallions are at an even playing field. If stallions try to take control the mares can just as easily fight back and vise-versa. However, Unicorn society does lean toward matriarchy because Unicorns care about stuff like beauty, sensitivity and being emotionally intelligent which girls tend to be better at. Also male Unicorns tend to be picked on by other races for being scrawny nerds, whereas Unicorn mares are celebrated for their femininity.>Bat Ponies are just neutral. They represent edgy counter-culture so of course they don't give a shit about traditional family values. They just simply do whatever, their proclivities are all over the place>Kirin are heavily matriarchal. I think this because "telekinesis puts the sexes on an even playing field" like Unicorns, and because Kirin males have colt-like snouts. We know that Pony colts don't grow their big horsey stallion muzzles until after they go through puberty. Therefore, if male Kirin have colt-like snouts, that would IMPLY the Kirin females LIKE this. It implies that Kirin girls are deliberately sexually selecting for cute, sweet stallions. They are applying evolutionary pressure opposite to the usual direction. So they must be matriarchal.>Lamia (not that many people care or accept them as a race) are also matriarchal, simply because female snakes are larger than male snakes.
>>41172186>no griffons>LAME-ia
>>41172186Nice headcanons. I do hope you stick around, this thread could always use fresh ideas. And we could especially use more Kirin RGRE stuff.
How would (You) deal with sexist mares gatekeeping you from hobbies?
>>41172215Spank her on the pussy
>>41172186>all non-unicorn ponies are acktyually not matriarchal but it's still reverse gender roles equestria because....well? explain to me how your headcanons are still rgre despite most ponies being normal gender roles, because after reading it i get the feeling you're trying to convince me that 2+2=5
>>41172205God she looks like a soijak
>>41172215Push their buttons because as a certified troll gamer I know how to make them seethe
>>41172234>routinely embarrass metaslaves because they don't want to think and adapt to troll strategies
What are your guys' takes on lineage? I headcanon RGREquestria to be matriarchal but patrilineal. Family trees would prioritize males, foals would be referred to in relation to their fathers.>"Oh, you're [father's name]'s kid?"As opposed to >"Oh, you're [mother's name]'s kid?"Mares would leave their families and become part of the stallion's family>Mare shall leave her father and mother and be joined to her husband; and the two shall become one flesh
>>41172215call my older mare friend (friend who’s a mare) with anger issues and tell her.
>>41172205>>41172231When I say they're patriarchal, it's still in the context of this being a My Little Pony cartoon. All the Mane 6 and the royals are girls, clearly Equestrian society is far more "girl-power" than in real life. I think the patriarchal races have most people in positions of authority as males, and it's the norm for that race to follow traditional gender roles. Where I think they differ from real life however is that Ponies are much more free to break their expected gender roles without a whole big fuss being made about it. So Earth Ponies are "patriarchal" but of course in reality they're much more tolerant of girls breaking their expected roles than in the real world. Which means RGR is a lot more common in their world in general.If I think any one race is patriarchal in the same way humans in real life are, it's Griffons. They might even be slightly more patriarchal than real-world humans.
>>41172243There was a greentext with that same premise about Anon trolling some gamer mare at an arcade. They where playing some pony streetfighter clone.
I think the rest of the world is patriarchal to various degrees, and Equestria is the weird one. So strong is their sexism that they remain a stalwart island in the middle of an ocean.
>>41172251>Patrilineal family unitsI like this. Mothers don't spend all those years building a big house and raising a son, just for some charming little hussy to take her prince away.Taking it further, how does voting even work in a divine diarchy? I assume Equestria has old-fashioned voting laws, I.E. a landowner votes on behalf of her household on regional issues and maybe has the right to vote on parliament appointments?In that scenario, the stallions wanting the vote would be a facet of stallions wanting the right to own/inherit land. Equestria centers the family around the male caretaker but won't let the male be the one to vote for Mayor Mare for the 100th time in a row? I dunno I'm just spitballing ideas.>>41172231>>41172186NTA but RGRE settings usually assume males are less common than females, therefore valuable therefore fairer. I don't mind the idea of different tribes having different concepts of proper gender roles, but I agree with >>41172231 that having two of the three tribes be patriarchal kinda defeats the core precepts of RGRE.Am also fond of RGRE interpretations where masculinity/femininity aren't just reversed and mares act like beer-swilling dads but with vaginas. Just because it requires more thought and worldbuildingfaggotry than just swapping the sexes in a 1950s dating advice book.Maybe femininity is still associated with emotional sensitivity and that's exactly why males are kept out of non-ceremonial/support roles in the military- ponies are prey animals, Equestria would rather have a dozen mares smart enough to run like hell and warn the others over a hundred stallions who'd charge into a phalanx?>Earth PoniesVery conservative and traditional on paper, very egalitarian in practice. Fathers, sons, brothers all help wherever shit needs doing because this is a farm, not the big city, and we can't afford that kind of pretension. Stereotyped as being extremely janefilly as a result, though they're not inherently any less fatherly/masculine than any other tribe.>PegasusHighly competitive culture with a lot of militarization. Stallions have more power over their familial affairs than is common, but they're also more restricted outside the home. Think medieval Scotland, where a castle and its troops would have no problem taking orders from the baroness while said baroness is little more free than any other woman outside the castle.>UnicornsI kinda dig your take, actually.
>>41172266found a couple it could have been>404>403>not found>404it's a wasteland in there
>>41172335When was the last time the story archive was updated?
>>41172335names?
>>41172341Already closed the tabs, I'd have to scroll through the list again.
>>41172305>a landowner votes on behalf of her householdI like to imagine that the stallions are owners of the land, especially if patrilineal family units are the product of herding. The landowner not only takes care of the land, but the children of said land, becoming househusbands while the mare(s) provides for her family.
>>41172305>how does voting even work in a divine diarchy?Only relevant in local government, of course>>41172356Land belongs to the stallion's family, but the immediate matriarch holds the deed. Herd alpha, if the stallion is married, otherwise it's held by the stallion's mother(or closest female kin). In fact, I headcanon the herd alpha to be more of a legal entity than a cultural one. The herd alpha functions much like a parent company does.
>>41170972I prefer spear-anon>CavemAnon with his trusty t-rex buddy take on sexist equestria>while fighting silly ponies trying to get him to go on a veggie diet
>Cuddle Wings mentioned in the last thread, as well as supposed pics of herI tried looking up the name in the boorus, but there's absolutely nothing.
>>41172609What would the T-Rex eat? Sure an Anon wanting meat in Equestria could manage but a 7-ton apex predator? It's going to run out suitable prey items sooner or later.
>>41172730I think that anon was mistaken. I've never seen art for Cuddle Wings either. I doubt there's any artists lurking here but one can hope.
>>41172305Local elections decide the mayor and sheriff. The heirarchy goes mayor, lord or lady since it's RGRE, countess and duchess. All appointed by the Princesses save for local govemernt officials. If Equestria does have a parliment it'd be an old school one, basically a council of high ranking nobles chosen at the discretion of the monarch.
>>41172335don't forget that you can switch out pastebin for poneb.in/xxxxx to get (some) removed pastebin greentext
>>41173021There are plenty of large monsters in the show; at some point you have to assume they don't exclusively rely on unlucky ponies.
>>41172215Act like the bigger /man/ and go home. Afterwards, report her on Trotter, tagging the official account for the outrage likes. First comment would link to my gamercolt stream.
>>41172215I'll make my own hyperspace hyperwars gaming club!>painting nights with the boys>book club where we talk about the novels>no one really plays the game except with a really loose ruleset that is focused on narrative play and the RPG version of it>no sweaty WAACdyke competitive players allowed
>>41173263Don't forget to teach your bros how to make their own bootleg minis so they don't have to pay pony Games Workshop.
>>41173021>CavemAnon arrives in Equestria>REALLY wants to do typical caveman stuff>But he has a mouth to feed>Having to import several tons of dino feed from Griffonstone isn't cheap>Has to settle down and find work as a secretary>Or become an exotic trophy husbandYet another bright eyed stallion chewed up and spit out by the harsh realities of being a single (Dino) Dad in Equestria.
>>41173263>>no one really plays the game except with a really loose ruleset that is focused on narrative play and the RPG version of itUnfathomably based.
>>41171956I don't know if I can trust a celebrity horse to be sincere about loving me and not ending up like a trophy object.
>>41173929An ESL anon was writing a pretty good green featuring Songbird a few years back. Alas, the propeller taketh.
>>41173957Are you talking about this one?https://pastebin.com/cMtZjL1F
>>41173571Agreed. Rogue Trader will always be the truest form of 40k, no matter how hard GW seethes.
>>41173929Coloratura could do it. After ditching her manager of course.
>>41173571>Of all the gamers in Ponyville, Rarity is truly the sweatiest>She will sell her old models to buy a new army whenever the meta changes>She only plays in league matches on perfectly symmetrical battlefields>Her models are unpainted, not even primed>She recently sold off her Celestial Jannisaries when they got nerfed in a new update and it was revealed some of them might be stallions>You and the boys got to pool some money and have more figures for the RPG>Caramel says he and Big Mac are working on an adventure where you all return to Equestria to save the empress of ponykind>Rarity and the wargaming league of evil continue to seethe as you have fun in the wrong way
>>41174300>ywn offer to flash Rarity your balls in exchange for those minis she's about to throw awayYou even get the fun of painting them yourself.
>>41174156Cute mare. Good mare. Would lewd this mare.
>>41174300>unpainted modelsI feel like Rarity would definitely be the one to paint her models to perfection
>>41174367Rarity is absolutely the one who takes it upon themselves to police the game store for bad painting and try and get unpainted model users expelled.
>>41174353I'm gonna ruin her career by revealing that she tried to use her fame to solicit me for weird sex stuff
>>41174376I'm gonna ship you to gelding grotto
>>41174373Mares, baka.
>>41174367The beauty is in her grand and perfect strategies, showcasing her superior intellect and sophistication.
>>41174386Go ahead. It won't make her any less of a stallionizer. You think she doesn't have "a colt for every port", so to speak?
>>41174398aka, she is the one who did the white scars exploit.https://www.reddit.com/r/gaming/comments/n02wvp/when_griefing_a_warhammer_40k_tournament_goes/
>The Countess has a bunch of half dressed stallions prancing around at all her showsEquestria slides further into degeneracy with each passing day. What next? Is she going to make them put on socks on stage?
Did Aladdinanon survive the Israeli attempt to genocide the Palestinians?I was really enjoying his reverse harem story.
>>41174770You mean gryphon attempt to eat the Palomino-stinians
>>41174770As far as I know he's still rangebanned.
>>41174778Shut your (((witch))) mouth, I'll have none of your slander.No more hippo-griff wars.
What's the Equestrian version of a Timmy player?
>>41174806A twilight player. Named after the biggest tryhard mare of all time.
>>41174770Was the dude actually Palestinian?
y'all niggers too coward to snug a mare.
>>41174847I don't believe in premarital snuggling.
>In order to keep troops from just being kidnapped by mares, a female-only draft is instated and all male enlisted personnel are discharged
Pre-bed life lessons + boop
>>41175422
>>41175453Nah. Pure C89 is where it's at.>ywn land in late 70s tech era equestria and help create the first versions of PUNIX (Pony UNIX) on some giant mainframe computers.>ywn create a herd of programmer mares and breed them silly while subtly influencing their work to avoid certain pitfalls that humans already had.
>>41174770he's doing cartwheels
>>41175113>Now suddenly there's societal outrage at how "cruel" and "inhumane" the draft is, and it's abolished in 2 weeks>The women who sat behind a desk now get a yearly parade for their "brave service"
>>41175767Why not hang-gliding?
And now for something completely different.>while indeed possessing the incredible sexual stamina by pony standards of a typical stallion, snowponies suffer from one of the, if not the worst case of the skewered male-to-female ratio>most cited among the reasons for this is the extreme cold of the region they inhabit>it is theorized that the equally incredible effort required to arouse a stallion serves to protect their tender parts from the extreme cold>while that presents an obvious problem, the mare's persistence is rewarded with hours of rigorous copulation>it is likely an evolved response to the difficult climate, which ensures reproduction when favorable conditions have been created for the future foals>the tough life in the polar and subpolar regions strongly favors cooperation>it is only natural that such a trait would find it's way into the privacy of one's bedroom>the scarcity of males, their insatiability, and the great lengths of foreplay required to get the stallion into the mood, all naturally lead to herding>there is still much to learn about the tough and resilient tribe of snowponies>their migratory lifestyle and the climate make research difficult, but the efforts to learn more about this mysterious pony tribe are ongoing
>>41176064>We decided-UNF- to test the arousal -UNF- triggers of the Snowpony -HNG->We took one -eep- male volunteer to the -OFUCK- comparatively balmy climate of the Crystal Empire'sHIT frozen wasteland>After feeding him -ohrightthereyes- an abnormally large -ohshitthat'shuge- amount of oats and sardines, our theory was confirmedAYUM BABY>Legends say he is still impregnating mares to this day>And by leg-OOF-ends I mean he's fucking our researcher right now>He's gotta stop soon, right?>They can't fuck while she's giving birth>.....Can they?>Uh>Might need to distract him so the foal can physically>Y'know>Exit the body?>>Welp, this has been Planet Horseyburg with Danna Trottenburough, I've been your hostess, and Faust willing I'll be pregnant in like an hour>C'mere baby>No, you keep that camera rolling>I want my bitch mother to see this
>>41173021Since hydra's are canon and are known for their magical regeneration growing back their heads, I'd capture one and live off the neck meat and brains effectively turning it into an infinite food glitch.
This is what happens when you feed your mare nothing but oats. She get's BIG.
>>41176797>"Bigpone, I'm going to be real with you">"The fact that one of you eyeballs is the size of my head is really fucking with me"
>Be Anon>You finally got your state-mandated magic wife>The letter you got said you were supposed to get her in three months, and it had only been three days, so that was pretty neat>Her name was Adagio >She was short, sassy, and had an almost upsetting amount of hair on her head>A few of your buddies around town had gotten themselves magical wives, and every one seemed nervous around your new magic wife>They called her a siren>Said she was dangerous, and maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to send a letter to the new horse government to maybe get a new wife>You didn't mind>She cleaned up after herself>While she was extremely sassy, she was never mean>Not really>She reminded you of your cousin's Mexican gf honestly>She really didn't understand things like your stove, or your shower>When you showed her the washing machine she had run up the stairs when you turned it on, then insisted she hadn't been terrified>She really liked the fact that you lived nearby a river>Somedays she'd go and swim around in it, harassing carp and any unlucky ducks>She loved your cooking, and loved napping around the house even more, usually on top of or near you>She'd sing around the house all the time>Her favorite foods were of the fish variety >She didn't like letting you go anywhere alone, and was extremely aggressive to other women that got near you>Even your poor mom>Still, despite all of her little quirks, it was nice to have a wife>Then, out of the blue, both of her sisters appears at your front door>Aria and Sonata >Two days later, the three were drawing up plans to dig a canal that went to the river>THROUGH three of your neighbors yards>They also wrote a manifesto about taking over the world>Sonata wrote it you think>She was really proud when she showed it to you >You were probably going to need to call someone about both of those things...
>>41177125
>>41177125>>She was short, sassy, and had an almost upsetting amount of hair on her headNot just her head.
>>41177387UNFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
>>41177387I will SHAVE her
>>41177398>tfw Adagio is like Samson, where if you cut her hair-down-there she loses all her siren powers
>spitfire and shining armor have to do a joint training exercise between the royal guard and the wonderboltsnow that could be entertaining to read. one of the mareliest mares to ever mare (princesses excluded) has to work with one of the maybe three or four truly competent stallions in equestria
>>41177410Bonus points if both branches have insecurity issues due to repeated failings, and Shining and Spitfire have to shallow their pride to get their branches working together.
>You go to visit your waifu's parents>Her grandma is visiting, and she has some really old-fashioned views on a stallion's place in the household, and his position in the pecking order>Waifu tries not to die of embarrassment
>>41177676no i will not take it easy in the weekly euchre game, and she needs to just git gud
>>41177676>ywn bully gram gram until she gives you the family's secret recipes
>>41174840Nope. Eastern European or maybe Italian, I think.
>>41175113Military collapses in less than a month, women sent to POW labor schemes helping earth ponies farm, so that they can see "what they've been putting those poor delicate human stallions through."As many women are incapable of self-reflection or humility, most of them don't learn anything from the experience.
>>41171940>You are Colt Rain, a saxophone player at heart, and one whose skill is known throughout Equestria!>Or… Well… At least as far as the local bar’s license extends.>The owner was a fine mare, Flying Buttress, a former weather mare that had the primary feathers of her wings clipped off in a storm cloud manufacturing incident.>She’d told you this one night when the atmosphere was dead– her being drunk off her ass as was usual.>More often than not, she paid you rather decently for your services, even if it was occasionally in food– not so much bits.>It was always on nights like these that really had you in a mood though; By that you meant, ‘Celestia, these mares are driving me crazy’.>”H-Hey! Cooooolt Raaaaaaiiiin! Ya can blow MYYYY horn if ya waaaant!”>You paid Berry Punch no mind as she laughed with her friends, continuing to play… ‘In The Mood’.>She always made comments like that.>You’d learned over the past few years to not let those sort of remarks get to you.>Remarks you could handle, but it was the… Touching… That actually did get to you, and that’s where Flying Buttress got a little bit less friendly.>Not to them, but to you.>”Don’t snark back, don’t hit them, don’t glare at them. I need my customers, Colt Rain.”>You didn’t really have much of a choice in the matter– you could barely afford rent at your dingy little apartment as it was.>Things got pretty hard after Mom died, what with your older sister getting all of the inheritance as was left in the will, and she ALWAYS sided with Mom when she would go on her “You need to settle down with a mare, Colt, give up that horn blowin’!”>She would always call you “Colt”, even if that was your name, it felt… Demeaning. Patronizing. You hated it.>By the laws of the land though, you weren’t legally allowed to change your name without your Wife consenting to it. >You had a hard enough time getting a bank account!>Everypony was always so patronizing to you!>You knew that’s how it’s always been, but still!>It was hard to not feel irritated, and you weren’t one to give up on your dreams– no matter how many mares wanted to ‘purchase services’.>”Awwwww… C’mon Colllllt! Show us a smiiiileeee!”>Berry threw a bit at you, the small gold coin rolling onto the tiny stage, bouncing off of your hoof with the tinniest ‘clink’.>It was all you could do to smile, thank Luna’s stars that Berry along with the other drunk patrons couldn’t notice your strained and exasperated expression as you showed them the slightest grin.>Flying Buttress smiled in approval behind the bar in your peripherals.>Celestia knows you wouldn’t want to make her mad.>You continued playing through your set, receiving the occasional hoot, holler, request, compliment, and jeer, but eventually it came time to finish.
>>41177928>As you finished your final song, you floated the saxophone down from your lips gently, letting it hang around your neck as you bowed your head.“Thank you, everypony! You’re a wonderful crowd as usual!”>”Doooo a poseee’scchhh!”>Berry cheered out, clopping her hoof on the table, and the other mares situated around the bar– at the tables also cheered out.>”Do a pose! Do a pose! Do a pose!”>You sighed internally. >You couldn’t wait to be a famous musician someday, you thought to yourself as you right-faced and struck a pose.>Standing proud and tall, eyes half-lidded as you gazed out over the mares, one hoof under your chin in a display of elegance- they cheered for you as a few more bits came your way.>This wasn’t a proud display in the slightest, much less elegant.>In all honesty, you felt dirty for doing it, but it’s what brought in the bits.>You relaxed the pose after the attention had died down somewhat, and began gathering the bits together in a small bag- about fifty percent of the bits would go to Flying Buttress- while you kept the other fifty percent.>Was it fair? Not really, but you had no other real… Choice.“Celestia knows I need to get out of here…”>You trotted down the short staircase to the main floor, pushing through the small crowd of mares->’SMACK’>And there goes one slapping you on your cutie mark just now.>Anger built up inside of you, but you couldn’t say anything.>”Woah there Colt! You just let that set hang around back there? Y’know if you ain’t getting it tapped then you oughta sell it!”>Laughter followed, as well as a wolf whistle.>Your face grew red as you hurried back to the bar, quickly depositing Flying’s cut of the bits.>The mares continued to laugh all the while.>”Yeah! What’re you doin’ hauling that load around all unlocked? Somepony might open those doors of yours and take it for themselves!”>Your face grew even redder as you looked down, trying not to meet Flying Buttress’ eyes.>She smiled knowingly at you, not saying a word, but you knew what those eyes meant.>”I own your ass, Colt.”>You got the instrument case from behind the bar and hurriedly packed away your saxophone. All things considered, today was a good day for bits. Maybe you could even go out and get some food… Elsewhere.>You rushed out of the bar– right into the cool night’s air, briskly trotting right past a mare with her stallion in tow.>As you walked away from the bar, your ear instinctively tilted back as you picked up on their conversation.
>>41177930>”I’m really glad you aren’t like him, Kale, you’ve been a lot happier as a stay at home dad.”>”Yeah! Of course! How couldn’t I spend time with our angels?”>He actually seemed happy.>You wished that you could be happy like that.>Not as a stay at home dad…>No, that’s far too unfulfilling for a stallion of your caliber.>It does happen!>Becoming a talented and prized stallion that is; There have been other colts who go on to become famous artists, musicians, masters of their craft.>As few and far between as they are, it’s not unprecedented.>Your brownish ears splayed down against the sides of your head.>You could do it.>Someday.>Your hooves clopped somberly against the cobblestone pavement as you walked to the nearest corner store.>You lost the mood to go out for food, and instead decided to just pick up something real quick from the store.>Meandering about, thinking, you settled on a hayburger from the cheap hot bar- slapping the bits on the counter for the clerk who simply nodded at you.>She was actually a nice mare, one that didn't treat you as if you were property.>Most mares think stallions are something to be owned, figuratively.>Theoretically you had rights, but sometimes you weren't so sure about that.>You carried along your saxophone case and hayburger in a dirty blonde magical aura, occasionally lifting the hayburger up to your mouth to take a bite.>You wanted a better life, a life that was much more fulfilling than this.>You would achieve that, eventually.>For now, you just walked back to your apartment.If anyone is interested in me continuing this, do let me know. I'll throw it up on ponepaste if I do continue it.
>>41177942a non-memeing look at a matriarchy is something i'd be interested in. Taking a realistic look as opposed to shitposting is unique for this thread.
>>41177724That's a war crime right there.
>>41177942This pick my interest, is always great to see something new in the thread so please keep going
>>41177942Please continue, I'm enjoying this so far.
>>41177928>>41177930>>41177942Looks neat. Interested to see how Colt's relationship with his family is at this point in his life
>>41177947>>41178378>>41178444>>41178553Alright then Anons I'm gonna drop it in here for now. I just woke up so gimme a bit. Glad there's interest. I've thought about writing in RGRE for a while now. https://ponepaste.org/10183
>By ancient Equestrian law, should a mare want to be in a monogamous relationship with a stallion, she must prove she can afford the costs normally covered by a full herd>This has led to extravagant and, suffice it to say, life-changing dowries trading hooves>There's a reason you never saw Princess Twilight's parents working, even before she became Royalty>Cadance was more than willing to lighten her coffers for Shining Armor>Then there's (You)>In ancient times, there was a more archaic system of calculating exactly how much a dowry for sole right to stallion needed to be>Everything from who and what the mare and stallion were, to what they ate went into the calculations>But the most defining factor was how unique the stallion was>You, being the only one of your kind on the planet, meant your hoof-hand in marriage would make even the Royal Sisters blush>The mare with her eye on you is well aware of this>She's also well aware she doesn't nearly have what she'd need to send your family to get it okayed>And finally, she was well aware that drastic circumstances, require drastic action>To put it in simpler terms>It's payday fellas
>>41178741This made me smile thanks, friend twilight doing morally questionable things for me makes feel happy but I also want to stop her and correct her, and get her to see the light.Even if she can’t do anything wrong.
>she doesn't nearly have what she'd need to send your family to get it okayedDid the princesses make themselves Anon's legal parents?
>>41178766By law, anyone without any living family members of their age plus 15 years, who are not deemed unfit for parenthood, are considered children of the Princesses. Technically this makes Scootaloo and Granny Smith the daughters of Celly and Luna as well.
>>41178813>Princesses adopt all grandparents by defaultWeirdly wholesome, go on.>Scootaloo's parents are officially shit-tierThank you God, I needed to read this today.
>>41178974Adoption in some cases, a formality in most. Really it's more of a fallback for ponies who don't have anyone else they can turn to. Older unadopted orphans who need a parent to sign off on some document, for example. Or in the extremely rare cases of a pony outliving her herd and any descendants, or if her descendants are shitbags, who now needs someone to make medical decisions for her. It also provides a sense of security, since being considered the Princesses' child brings you under their direct protection.That's not to say the Princesses don't "really" adopt some ponies. A notable portion of castle staff are orphans raised by them. It's why you see more maids in the castle than... butlers isn't really the right word. Coltservants? Hoofstallions, like Victorian Footmen? Something along those lines, probably. Naturally, due to the ratio of mares to stallions, there are more orphaned fillies than orphaned colts, and the colts don't often stay unadopted for long.
>>41177125Should you disclose sensitive information to the state-mandated magic wife bureau such as being a totally freaky freaker (Autistic virgin)
>>41178974>Be Mane Allgood.>You and your husband, Snap Shutter were Equestria’s best explorers.>You were supposed to be in Shire Lanka uncovering ancient secrets and whatnot.>Unfortunately you were in Canterlot instead.>Inside of the Foal Protection Services headquarters.>Suffice it to say, things were not all good.>Specifically inside of an FPS mare’s office, one agent Guardian Angel>You and your husband sat in front of a wooden desk, across from you was said agent, looking over a stack of papers“Let us get the fact’s straight Miss Allgood. For the last few years Scootaloo has been under ‘rotational supervision’ by various adults in Ponyville?” “Well yes. But sometimes her aunts watch her every now and then. In fact they just recently bought a house in Ponyville! Besides not like we left her alone with complete strangers!”“You know what they say, it takes a village to raise a foal. Or does the saying go, it takes a herd to raise a foal? I don’t remember.” your husband interjected.>You shook your head. You married Snap Shutter for his looks not for his brains. Sure he was also good with animals, but that was just a bonus.“You got it right the first-time honey.”>Guardian Angel looked unamused. She quickly jotted something down on her clipboard.“So Scootaloo’s aunts, Holiday and Lofty is it? Would you say they are the primary caretakers of Scootalooo?”>You rub the back of your head. “Well yes but…”“I don’t know what you’re getting at mate. Scoot’s is still our daughter. We love that little ankle biter as much as we love Marshmallow.”>The FPS mare gave you both a confused look. “Who is Marshmallow?”“Our pet cragadile. It’s a crocodile made out animate rocks.” You said in unison with your husband.“Uh huh.”>Awkwardly the FPS agent cleared her throat and slides over a stack of papers over to you.“Let us cut to the chase shall we? From where I’m standing it looks like you’ve abandoned your parental obligations and turned Scootaloo over to the custody of your extended family in an unofficial capacity.”>You open your mouth to protest but the FPS mare shushes you.“Let me finish. If this was where the story ended I would not need to be here. But there has arisen a…complication. Both Holiday and Lofty have expressed interest in handing over custody of Scootaloo over to another couple. One Windy Whistle and Bow Hothoof.”
>>41179305>Your brain comes up black as to who these two ponies are supposed to be. But your husband seems to recognize them.“I know those two! Those are Rainbow Dash’s parents!”>You where about to question how he knew that but them you remember Snap’s always been a janefilly, especially when it came to sports. Of course he was into the Wonderbolts and their history.>Still what did these two want with your filly? “Normally, FPS prioritizes custody towards family members, but Windy and Bow both have the express approval of Scootaloo’s aunts, as well as glowing letters of recommendation, from the Princess of Friendship and the EoH themselves.”“Oh buck…”>Unable to hold back his anger Snap, well snaps.“Now listen here mate! Sure we spent most of Scoot’s life absent. But it’s only because we were out doing important exploratory work. Besides it’s one thing to have Scoot’s aunts babysit for us 24/7 but to sign over custody? No way!”>The FPS mare is unphased by your husband’s outburst.“Calm down sir. Colts…I swear.” She says that last part underneath her breath.“Listen, I’ve read up on Scootaloo’s history. Neither of you seem to want to be present in your daughter’s life. On top of it, while Holiday and Lofty do not want full custody they have agreed formed a herd with Windy and Bow to petition for transfer of custody over to Bow and Windy.”“Crikey! I didn’t know Holiday and Lofty where into stallions…”>They weren’t. You knew that of course. You can’t help but facehoof at Snap’s obliviousness.“It’s not uncommon for same sex couples to join herds for the legal and financial benefits. As you know herds are given preference over mono couples when it comes to adoption.”>You bristle at the information. Your own family, exploiting a loophole in the legal system to transfer over your own Scoot’s over to another couple? Your ears flick pin back on your head and a low growl escapes your throat.“But she’s MY daughter! OUR daughter!”“And yet you’re not in her life at all.”
>>41179307>A tense silence falls in the office. For a few tense moments Guardian Angel stares you and Snap down. And finally she breaks the silence, hoofing over a clipboard and pen.“I’ve been in this career for a long time. I know how this works. You have two options giving your apparent neglect and foal abandonment. You can sign over custody of Scootaloo and be on your way out here. Catch a train to Shire Lanka and continue your extremely important careers unimpeded, knowing Scoot’s is in good care. Both Windy and Bow have agreed to move to Ponyville so Scootaloo can stay close to her friends and family.”>With shaky hooves you take the clipboard and pen.“Or…you can refuse to sign and accept full custody over her. But then no more trip to Shire Lanka. I’ve gone over the reports of your expeditions. Far too dangerous for a filly. You’d both have to hang up your hats, settle down and be actual parents for once. And every month you’d be do for a check in with the FPS to see you’re actually doing your jobs. So think it over carefully.>You steal a sidelong glance over at your husband.>He’s worked hard all his life to become an explorer, working twice as hard to prove himself as a capable stallion. You know how much his career means to him. And she’s right. You’ve lost count of many times you’ve almost died exploring ancient temples. Or how many times Snap’s almost lost a hoof trying to get Marshmallow in his pen.>A look of understanding passes through you both, you can see the same thoughts reflected in those big purple eyes of his.>Reaching out he gives your hoof a squeeze.“You have an important job that only you can do. You love it, and it helps all of Equestria…”“… and sometimes that means missing out on other things you love, like watching our daughter grow into a pony we're very proud of.”>You take a deep breath and steel yourself. Gripping the pen you sign your name before hoofing it over to Snap.“It’s for the best.” You remind yourself.“Our work is our life’s purpose. And we could never quit.” Snap says as he signs his own name.>He hands it back to Guardian Angel who takes it with a faint smile.“That will be all. Thank you for your cooperation.”>You and Snap exit the FPS office.>On the way back to the train station you are both startled by a loud boom.>Looking up at the sky you can see a sonic rainboom form overhead.The End.
>>41179299>In order to apply for a waifu, you must complete out a personality form>Within it, you have to include a complete list of all your fetishes to see if you and your waifu are compatible.>Yes, even that one.>And that one.>And you certainly aren't getting away with hiding THAT one.>Thanks to magic, the Equestrians will know if the list is missing anything>Thousands of mares across Equestria continue to cry themselves to sleep every night, all alone in their cold beds
>>41179309>And every month you’d be do for a check indue*nice to see this done. good job>>41179370does the form at least differentiate between fetishes you don't have interest in actually acting upon? it's one thing to have an incest fetish, it's quite another to actually want to fuck your daughter
>>41179370Does it differentiate between things you routinely get off to and things you might look up in the heat of the moment? I might be some legal hot water if that stuff gets out.
>>41179379>>41179395The difference doesn't matter; the results aren't even logged. It's labeled as a compatibility test, but in actuality it is a test of sincerity and fortitude. How badly do you want to find love in Equestria? If you're brave enough to become so vulnerable as to expose the deepest most degenerate depths of your heart, then you pass. Funny story, Cadence came up with the test. And you best believe she schlicks off to those application forms.
>>41179309>Marshmallow the CragodileYeah about that- when do they get the shit beat out of them for letting that thing charge into a schoolhouse full of foals?
Would you bully Rainbow Dash for being a flattie? Because I would.
>>41179515Bonus points if you then go out soft, squishy titcow Wallflower.
>>41179527*out with
>Be Applejack>You were standing next to your apple stand, reading the newspaper>Big Mac was off deeper in the market, gossiping with some of his friends>It had been a steady day>Not too many customers, not too few>More than enough to fill a bit bag for Granny to count when you got home>If you were lucky, you'd sell all of your apples by early afternoon>After that, maybe you'd go and get yourself something sweet from Sugar Cube Corner>Then, when you got home, you'd do your favorite thing>Chorin'>By Celestia's blazing sun did you love chorin'>As you were reading about the Canterlot Cloudbashers beating the Baltimare Bumblebees, a flash of pink invaded the corner of your eye>You looked up, and saw something peculiar>There was Pinkie Pie>Sitting on her back was that big Anonymous fella>She was just walking around with him sitting on her, both looking as pleased as punch>The alien fella was so darn big that his feet were sorta dragging on the floor, but neither seemed too bothered by it>Ponies were looking at the two confused, but nopony said anything>Now, you had known Pinkie for a long, long time, and this wasn't even in the top twenty of strange things you had seen her do>Still, this was pretty weird seeing it out of the blue on a Tuesday>Still, it didn't look BAD exactly>This, whatever it was, was between them>It didn't have to be any of your business>You didn't need to be dragged in some silly situation>You'd just ignore them and go back to your paper and let them wander to wherever they were going to wander>...>Gosh Dangit..."Pinkie?">Pinkie stopped her weird little canter, her ears perking up>Anon bumped her shoulder with his knee, and she whipped around in your direction>You watched as he then tapped her sides with both knees, and she started walking toward you>It was very hard not to scowl>You just wanted to sell apples and chore today, for Luna's sake...>"Hiya, Applejack!" Pinkie chirped in her usual chipper tone>You tipped your hat to Anon>He waved>"Hello Mrs. Apple mare," he said.>Strange colt...>You don't know why he called you that>Twi said he had trouble with Equestrian names, but you had told him yours about a hundred times>Maybe he was just a bit slow?>Nothing wrong with that you supposed...>Colts didn't need to be smart
>>41179515Flat is justice!
>>41179629>You thought how you'd go on asking about all of... this>Then you realized it would just be best to be direct>You weren't the sort of mare to beat around the bush anyway>What were you, some fro-fro unicorn?"So, you mind tellin' me what the hay Anon's doin' on your back, Pinkie?">Pinkie just smiled>"Anon asked if he could ride me. I thought it was a little strange, but I didn't see anything wrong with it," she explained. "And you know what, Applejack? It. Is. INCREDIBLE!">You frowned"Beg your pardon?">"I don't know why, but it feels really right letting him lead me around," Pinkie said with a giggle and a happy bounce."...You're letting him lead you?">"Yep! He's been using his knees! I don't even need to think where to go!">You leaned forward"Pinkie, as your friend I gotta tell ya, that's pretty queer," you said. "Lettin' a colt walk all over you like that.">You always figured that weird coltdom stuff would be more of Rarity's thing>Guess you had two close friends that were perverts>...>Fluttershy was probably a pervert too...>...>Twilight as well...>...>Dash...>Hmm...>Thinking on it, ALL of your close friends were probable perverts>Which was fine, but you were going to make sure that Applebloom wasn't going to any of them for advise>"It's not like THAT," Pinkie said with a wave of her hoof. "It's... It's really... I mean...">Her face scrunched up in thought>After a few seconds, her smile returned>"It's pretty hard to explain. It'd be better if you just let Anon ride on your back for a little while.""I ain't doin' that, Pinkie. No offense, Mr. Anon.">"None taken, Mrs. Apple mare," Anon replied. "I am very large. I would not want to hurt you.""This ain't a think you should be doing out in the middle of town, Pinki--what a minute...">You turned your attention back toward the hyoo-man>Your eyes narrowed down to slits"Mr. Anon, were you inferring that I wouldn't be able to carry you around," you asked>Anon shrugged>"I do not know, Mrs. Apple mare. I can just see why you'd be hesitant to do so. I am very large and heavy, even for an earth pony. I'm honestly surprised that Mrs. Mare where is able to carry me so well.""And what, she can carry ya around an' I can't?">With a huff, you stood up, your pride nettled"Darlin', I can kick a fully grown tree in half with ONE leg. I think I can carry you around. Come on, get up. I'll show ya who's the sissy mare.">Anon's face scrunched up>"Are you sure, Mrs. Apple mare?">It was hard not to lose your temper, but you managed it>Granny would beat your flank if she found out you were cussing out a colt in the middle of town"If I didn't mean it I wouldn't o' said it. Now get yer fanny up and over here."
>>41179646>Anon and Pinkie looked at each other>Anon then stood up and walked over to you>You huffed, irritated that some dumb colt would insinuate that you were a weakling>If you weren't such a gentlemare you might have bucked him right off to show him just how strong you were, for Celestia's sake!>The hyoo-man swung a leg over your back>He sat down, then adjusted yourself>Something in you clicked, and you felt all anger drain away>Wide-eyed, you reached up and slowly took your hat off>It was just like Pinkie said...>This was...>It was like...>You were..."O-Oh mah apples..."
>>41179515Did you know: if you devote enough hours every day to massaging breast tissue, you can actually stimulate a little bit of growth and also lactation?
>>41179653Wait a second....Twilight lets Spike ride on her backMight need to call FPS on her...
>>41179515>bullying Rainbow Dash for a trait whose properties she had no control overI bet if you were a roastie your main insult would be calling guys' dick small.
>>41179436No foals got eaten though. No harm no foul.
>>41179629>>"Hello Mrs. Apple mare," he said.>>Strange colt...>>You don't know why he called you that>>Twi said he had trouble with Equestrian names, but you had told him yours about a hundred times>>Maybe he was just a bit slow?>tfw autistic worldbuilding lore implying that ponies, with their differently shaped mouths, can make noises that Anon's human mouth can replicate>Much like how a human generally cannot perfectly replicate all horse noises, Anon physically cannot speak all the nuances of pony language>There are probably even words Anon just can't pronounce at all, and he has to talk like a cavemare to crab-walk around those particular words>Anon knows what he wants to say, he just has to figure out how to make his human mouth produce the noises
>>41179797>Might need to call FPS on her...>Button Mash lets his mom do terrible, "terrible" things to him>He wants his FPS to go all the way up to 120>Anything beneath 60FPS is unacceptable
>>41179821CARLUNA!
>>41179406The magical girl is very cute, I want to know how her asshole/soles/armpits/pussy taste. But not in that order.
>>41177410>>41177449I could see Shining and Spitfire bonding over their shared interest of Hyperspace Hyperwars. Maybe playing the game gives them insights on how to coordinate between branches or something.
>>41179653earth ponies be ride slutsthey'll do anything to get that ride in, even miss out on chorin
>>41179798Nah, I just don't like Rainbow. There's other stuff to bully her for too.
>>41179813Anon just needs to rile up a singalong. Ponies won't magically become fluent in English but the meaning of every word will resolve in their minds via friendship magic.
>Anon is against polyamory due to a bad experience back on Earth.>Anon will just cling to his single mare like grim death itself, thanks.
So, ticks and mosquitos can carry and transfer bloodborne diseases. Do changelings carry some weird magical love-borne diseases? Something something rgre, and all that.
>>41180775Huh. Like contagious yandere-ism or irrational fickleness or something?
>>41179406What if I genuinely forget one? Is there a way I can get some sort of magic scan or something before I fill out the form?
>>41180775Interesting concept. I like the idea of love/sex-related 'mental STD', which would also be decidedly different from plain ol' mental illness.
>>41181198irl "Mental STD" is a mental illness that is transmitable, as opposed to geneticaly inherited, or developmentaly formed. Aka ideologies, and religions.
>>41181235>something something changelings are surprisingly pious and religious>the dozen or so religions from all over Equestria (regions they infiltrate and whose ponies they emulate) inevitably make their way back to the changeling hive as changelings return from their duties>instant communication over the hivemind makes word spread fast, and debates (or autistic screeching) happen even faster>The reason Chrysalis wanted to go forward with the wedding to some chump she hypnotized is because she wanted to be legitimized in the eyes of the crystal empire>And also because it's a sin to have sex before herdlock, and mama Bug didn't raise no sinner
How do you assert dominance over your mare, I was talking to my mare friend twilight, and we came to the conclusion that the best way I could do that is cuddle with her, and fuck her brains out when we visit her old friends and parents force a collar around her neck and let everyone know that I am in charge and can fuck her whenever I want.She seemed really happy about this as well so I am happy for her, though she keeps mumbling something about showing everyone she has a colt friend who is super into her, and how jealous everyone will be.
>>41181291Honestly I was thinking that all religiousity comes from eons of changling interaction with other races. A bit of unintentional "genetic reprogramming" left behind any gathering of love, to make the next infiltration easier. Like how most junk dna is actualy virus's that stopped killing the cells and just stuck around.I mean we joke about churches forming around the princess all the time, but the princess's merely permitting it, not directly reinforcing it. So the peasants proclivity toward it was just a byproduct of multiple changling harvests, over eons.
>>41181317>Religion is a Changeling productTo be fair, 'gods eat prayer' is an old idea. Olympians fed on the smoke from sacrificed animals. Maybe most changelings can feed on the sex stank alone, but Chryssy just had to get greedy...
>>41181746>Maybe most changelings can feed on the sex stank alone, but Chryssy just had to get greedy...why would you inject this image into my head?>Shining Armor is known throughout the Canterlot guardmares as having the sweatiest balls>The changelings brought that back to the hive, and Chrysalis realized shortly after that his marefriend is going to marry him>Chrysalis' invasion of Canterlot was motivated entirely by dickstank
>Be Rainbow Dash>One day, you were flying through Ponyville with Fluttershy>Going slow of course, since your friend didn't like flying any faster than a gosh darn bumblebee>As you were flying near the Everfree, you spotted a critter lying in the grass>Normally, you'd have just thought it was something that came out from that freaky forest, but you saw that it was wearing clothes>You point it out to Fluttershy, and you both fly down towards it>Fluttershy does her vet thing>It is alive>It is a he>He isn't like any critter she's ever seen>That you didn't like very much>While she might be the slowest pegasus that's possibly ever lived, she was still wicked smart>If she didn't know what this critter was, it didn't live on Equus you bet>So, you tell your friend to go get Twilight>If Flutters didn't know what this fella was, Twilight might, and if Twilight didn't she'd know what to do with it>While Fluttershy flies away, promising to be right back, you poke at the creature>He is pretty funny looking...>Not a bad funny you guessed...>Smelled kinda nice...>While you were very scientifically poking him with a stick, the critter woke up>The two of you just sort of stared at each other for a good five minutes>You then puffed out your chest like the marely mare you were and told him not to try anything funny>You knew KARATE>To your surprise, the critter spoke in perfect Equish>"No you didn't.">All diplomacy went right out the window as the two of you began to argue with each other>Colt or not, you worked HARD for your black belt, darnit!>Twilight later found you two in each other's faces, both yelling while you showed him you could indeed spin kick>That was the day you met your best stallion friend
Please? Please awaken?
>>41182318NOF is making his own stories now.
>>41182318In order, left to right:Dead since like 2018-19.Still making stuff for the thread (thanks LaP!).Doing paid work + spec work + prompts for /hmofa/.
>>41182675On the bright side we got a new writer in this thread so it's not all bad.
>>41178813>ponies have nuns too>instead of black and white, their habits are yellow and white>they engage in various charitable works, but are mostly known for running orphanages>officially known as the Herdsisters of the Sun>or just Sisters, for short>their vows of celibacy are about forgoing having foals and a herd of their own, and instead dedicating themselves to seeing after the wards of the state, legally considered Celestia's>and since by default she'd be the alpha mare of any herd, her "herd sisters" are the ones that see to the keeping of the home and children
>>41182675NOF got off the ride in 2022>>41182930Horse nuns that do nothing but run orphanages is a great development
>>41182675>Dead since like 2018-19.Miss you, Ghouls.
>>41179653Today /pol/ taught me to correct way to ride aj.
>>41183211Horse girls are strange creatures.
>>41183211i m a g i n e
>>41183211
>>41182080good ol rainbroor I guess it'd be rainsis, cause rgre? I don't know how this stuff works
>>41183378holy shit is this guy a fucking jedi or something
She is my short queen
>>41182930What good mares. They deserve many boops.
>>41183688mmm, radioactive mare milk
>>41183746Gotta pregantee her first
>>41183688I wanna lay my head on her belly (crotchtits)
>>41183748not necessarilytwiggles was the ministry mare of magicyou really think a degenerate like her would let such an opportunity to look into lewd magics go to waste?imagine an entire Stable filled with Milky Way's descendants. an entire Stable of milkmares if you willdare you enter my magical realm?
>>41183768>the gary vault but it's all Milkys
>>41183779That's a lot of "Milky"
>>41182930>Be Communion Wafer>Celestia’s strongest soldier and best baker>Those two titles might be related>Also a Herdsister of the Sun>Sweeping the floors of the orphanage like usual>All the young ones are in bed already>There’s a rainstorm outside courtesy of the weather team>Between booms of thunder you hear the sound of frantic knocking“Another stray coming in from the rain…”>You go to open the door>Nopony is there>But there is a basket with a swaddled-up foal inside>Can’t be too surprised, you do work at an orphanage after all“Come on, let’s get you inside little one. Wouldn’t want you to catch a cold out here.”>You bring the baby inside and get a better look at it>It’s a filly alright, not to surprising, not many colts get put up for adoption>Cream colored coat, black mane, green eyes>You find a little note tucked away inside the basket“Her name is Floor Bored. Please take good care of her.”>Floor Bored? Kind of an odd name. Maybe she’ll be some kind of trade pony when she grows up>There’s money to be made in floorboard installation you think>Gently you scoop her up and cradle her against your chest causing the filly to give a soft coo>”Alright Floor let’s get you tucked away for the night. First thing in the morning your due for a bath.”>Floor begins to fuss in your grip“Oh I can tell you’ll grow up to be trouble little lady…”
>>41183814this story has barely startedwhy do I already have feels?
>>41183814>the next day, a weird green monkey baby is dropped off in a basket with a note>The note says "ook ook ook, bananas">Communion Wafer names him Anonymous>Anon and Floor Bored grow up being the best of friends
>>41183688Imagine the expression on her face when she's struggling to take your eight-incher.
>>41183943Let go of my hoagie, you fucking horse!
>>41183909>Anon was 18 when he was dropped off in the basket
>>41183814>You take Floor upstairs to the second floor of the orphanage where the nursery is located>There’s not that many newborns in the orphanage at the moment so finding an unoccupied cradle is easy>Getting Floor to stay inside of it? That’s the hard part>As soon as you set her down she begins crying up a storm and trying to climb out>You try to give her a teddy bear and swaddle her up in the blanket she came with, but it does little to soothe her >After the third attempt you give up and begin rocking her in your grip“Shh, Momma Wafer is here…”>Floor’s eyelids begin to grow heavy as she drifts off into sleep>You place her back in the crib only for her to immediately wake up and begin crying again“Celestia gives her strongest soldiers the hardest battles.” You remind yourself.>Once more you take her in your possession and exit the nursery “Guess you’ll be sleeping with me tonight. Just don’t make a habit of it.”>You take Floor to your room>Save for a prayer mat, a potted plant and a bed there isn’t much to it>Gently you lay Floor down on the bedsheet and climb in beside her>She seems content with the arrangement and snuggles up beside you“Goodnight Floor.”>You close your eyes and let sleep take you
>>41184029>The next day Celestia’s glorious sun floods your room with radiant light>Praise the sun>With a soft yawn you rise up from bed and look to your side>Floor curled herself up into an adorable little ball during the night>Softly you boop her nose“Wake up little one. In this house we rise with the sun.”>Floor seems unaffected by your nose boop“Heavy sleeper huh?”>Your lips curl into a small smile>You decide to let her sleep in. Just this once>You exit your room and head downstairs to the orphanage kitchen to prep some food for yourself and your newest charge>Some of the other nuns are already milling about the kitchen on similar errands>You give your herdsister’s some friendly greetings as you make your way to the fridge>From it you pull out a milk bottle and the ingredients to make Celestia’s favorite breakfast item – pancakes>After several minutes of cooking you return to Floor with a stack of pancakes and the milk>By then Floor has begun to stir, most likely out of hunger>You begin nursing her with the bottle foregoing your own needs for the moment>Floor eagerly drinks down it all down like a little glutton and soon enough you’re nibbling on your own food>Once your plate is empty you decide it’s time for business“Okay Floor, now let’s start your day off with a nice bath.”>Floor begins fussing again at the mention of the word ‘bath’>Giving her no quarter you take the fussing filly over to a bathroom and begin filling up the tub>The little troublemaker fights you every step of the way, struggling to get out of your grip>You’re no wimp though. Three combat tours in the Royal Guard saw to that>Successfully you manage to keep her in the water long enough to run a washcloth over her face and mane>You notice that her mane is surprisingly greasy, so you pour a small helping of shampoo on her head and begin rubbing it into her scalp>She protests this with crying, but you keep going, taking care not to get any on her eyes>After a while her coat and mane look much better, so you scoop her out of the water and dry her off“See that wasn’t so bad was it?>Floor sticks her tongue out>You roll your eyes out and go take her to a play pen with the other young foals her age>Once more she throws a fuss, but you don’t give in this time“I’ll be back soon. In the meantime go make some friends.”
>>41184031>You exit the playroom and head downstairs to confer with your sisters about the newest addition to the orphanage>On the way there you hear a knock at the front doors causing you to let out a tired sigh“Another one? Already?”>Opening the door you find another basket. But not with a foal. Instead there’s some weird hairless ape thing“This is an orphanage not an animal shelter!”>Annoyed you slam the door shut. You’re a pious mare but even you have your limits>You turn around and step away to call animal control, but you barely make it a stride before you feel a tap on your shoulder>Whirling around you see Sister Haven staring at you with that smug look of yours>Celestia as your witness you hate this mare, always with that holier than thou attitude>She clears her throat and says: “Sister Wafer, does Celestia not teach us that all creatures underneath her sun are worthy of our compassion?”>You recall a few scriptures from Celestia’s younger days as the Sol Invictus saying the opposite but you’re not getting into this argument again>Forcing a smile you nod you heard“Of course, Sister. I forget sometimes.”>Trying not to role your eyes you step aside and open the door again>This time you scoop up the monkey basket>There’s a note as well but it’s written in some unintelligible language>You feel Sister Haven peering over your shoulder like some gossipy colt“This one needs a name…Anonymous. Yeah we’ll go with that one.”>Haven snickers. “Creativity was never your strong suit.”“Humility was never yours.”>Before she can make another catty remark you grip the basket handle in your mouth and trot out of there>You have no idea what kind of care a monkey needs so you must consult the ancient archives. Or the local library>In the meantime you drop Anonymous off in the play pen>Floor has not moved from where you left her, looking at the other foals with apprehension>When she sees Anonymous however, she doesn’t seem…nervous. More curios if anything>Likewise Anonymous seems intrigued by the tiny pony before him>Crawling on all fours he approaches her>Floor doesn’t recoil like you expected instead she too comes closer>The hairless monkey extends a limb out towards her muzzle>With a finger, you think that’s what they’re called, he boops her nose>To your surprise Floor doesn’t recoil instead she starts to giggle“You two are an odd bunch.” >Shaking your head you depart the room leaving those two alone together>An old proverb comes to mind“Birds of a feather stick together.”That’s all I got.
>>41184034nice
>>41183993>Anonymous is mentally a toddler at age 18I consider that to be lore-accurate information.
>The first couple Anons in Equestria made a huge deal about being able to eat meat>Ponies were super uncomfortable with it, and didn't really like having a meat market>Word spread and rumors grew as they always did and the image of a human became more like a carnivorous gorilla>The average pony, unaccustomed to the more subtle human facial expressions, figured they felt very little emotion>Even in RGRE it was difficult to make friends because ponies were uneasy around you>Mares didn't want to be mounted by "something that could snap and try to kill them">You lived outside of Appleoosa repairing westernwear clothes for ponies>One night, about a month before estrus comes by and the ponies start acting weird - even around you - you're awoken by a filly no more than a few days old crying on your doorstep>Hastily set down with a scribbly noteWould have left this for the coyotes but you probally enjoy more I dont wanna be a mom>She thought... you were going to eat it>In RGRE, mares who got knocked up but were busy with work and their careers would just abandon their foals>Usually with the stallion, but sometimes anywhere>You look down at the little foal that'd stopped crying once you opened the door, illuminating the pitch black desert outside Appleoosa>How the fuck were you gonna take care of this?
>>41184034>25 years later, an older Sister Wafer (now retired) receives a letter in the mail>It's from some of her former charges, Anonymous and Floor Bored>Apparently, they got married a few years ago in one of the Sun Chapels that dot Canterlot>They're requesting any baby pictures she has of them>They want to show them to their foals
>>41184072She must have thought Anon was a discount Bri'ish supermarket
>>41184076i understand your desire for the immediate gratification of 'and then they fucked', but take it slow. the climax in both senses of the word is better when there's been time for buildup and tensionanon and floor have to grow up after all, and there's easy slice of life potential for their toddlerhood, childhood, preteen, teenage, and young adult years before they get to making their own familyeven in equestria life isn't all sunshine and rainbows
>>41184119>Sister Wafer (now dead) receives a letter from Anon and Floor Bored, two orphans she looked over countless eons ago in another life>They have included a photo of themselves, holding the skeletal remains of their foals>They themselves are also skeletons>they want to show their skeleton pictures to their skele-foals
>>41178741>It's payday fellasBlue Archive made me attracted to bank robbers, so that's even more reason for me to want to marry her especially if she invites me for those
Just binged everything from tANDghouls and it's probably my favorite rgre author now. Please tell me there is more from him than this https://poneb.in/u/tANDghouls. I mean, he HAS to be a professional author, right? No way he's only writing as a hobby. Doesn't really have to be mlp even
>>41184034>"Oh, good morning, Anonymous. May Celestia's light shine upon you.""Good morning, sister. May you have god's bless upon this day.">"You mean goddesses, yes?""Oh, you know the answer to that, sister.">"You would do so well illuminated with Celestia's good word, my dear stallion.""We are all the lord's servants, sister. I will worship him, not those that he made and his son saved.">"A son saving anything has ALWAYS been your funniest joke, Anonymous.""...">"...""...">"...""Heathen.">"Heathen.">Be Anon>You live next to an orphanage in Canterlot>It's run by a group of heretic horses>Were they human, they'd be for burning, but they weren't, so you didn't bother>You had burned and killed enough in the Holy Lands>Here, in this strange world, you would put down your blades and live the remainder of your days worshiping and fasting>Perhaps you'd make cheeses like some brothers of the Teutonic order were so fond of>Your days would be as Christ wished>The order of "sisters" next door were as fond of your religion as you were of theirs>As to say not at all>More often than not, you'd find one of their heathen scriptures in your mail box>You, in turn, would carve crosses and place them high on their walls so they couldn't easily remove them>It was hard praying outside, as within ten minutes a group of them would be singing praises for the sun above>You would ruin their songs by loudly coughing at the worst possible times>Once a week, they would invite you over to break your fast>You would bring them ales and drink you had been brewing>Many of them were warriors as you were>You spoke of battles, and hardships, and lost brothers and sisters>Then, when you found yourself ready to leave, a group of foals would attempt to paint heathen symbols all over you with markers that they had "stolen">The lord had set many trails before you on your life>This was a light one, and one you traveled gladly
>>41184400keksounds cute
>>41184400Pretty comfy, all things considered.
Remember that series of prompts where Anon's human biology gave of pheromones that just so happened to smell like a male alicorn's? And alicorns got cuddly with him because of it? That was neat. I bet Celestia gives the best hugs. I want her to casually call me her 'sunshine' like it's momlestia up in here niggas.
>>41184936>Remember that series of prompts where Anon's human biology gave of pheromones that just so happened to smell like a male alicorn'swhy yes yes I doit started with https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/34336884/#34349587which led tohttps://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/34336884/#34350061which eventually led to https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/34336884/#q34350518>twiggle's fw a male can find his way around a library, digital or not
>>41184981Holy shit. I remember that thread. Fuck it's already been five years. Thread hit bump limit in just a week...
>>41184034>Be Sister Wafer several years later>You’ve started to suffer from mare pattern baldness>Not that it mattered, nopony would see your hairline underneath your nun attire>Besides who were you kidding? Vow of celibacy or not nopony was ogling a nun, unlike monks with those concealing robes that made the imagination wonder to what lay underneath…>Focus!>Right, well at the moment you where staring outside your window into the courtyard>It was recess for the foals. You watched them play carefree enjoying their youth>But your gaze kept wandering back to two of them, sitting alone together at the swings>Anonymous and Floor Bored>Anonymous was an oddity in more ways than one>Most colts got adopted by now, with stallions being in short supply and whatnot>Not him. Too exotic. Too odd. A few nobles expressed interest in him, but more as a novelty, a conversation starter. They all chickened out after being put through the ringer that was the application process>You couldn’t help but feel relieved oddly enough. Floor didn’t stand too good a chance at adoption either truth be told. And with every passing year the odds got lower. Which meant her and Anonymous stayed together>Some part of you felt that was best for them
>>41185100>Be Floor Bored>Be bored>It was recess time. Same time as always. Growing up in an orphanage your life was clockwork. Every foal followed a strict schedule. Wake up, get ready, eat, go to school, do chores, play, eat, pray, go to sleep. Rinse. Repeat. Etc.> You couldn’t help but hate it. If it were up to you you’d stay in bed all day. Sleep? It agreed with you. Why fight it?>Your friend seemed to agree with you>Anonymous was his name. He was a… he was a something. Some kind of primate from a far off land or something. The Sister’s combed the archives and couldn’t find anything. Just another mystery in a world chalk full of them>Right now you were sitting on the swing beside you. You where both getting too old to play on the swings. Especially Anon, as you called him. He was a big guy (for you), towering over the rest of kids>Good thing too. Life in an orphanage was rough. Real survival of the fittest type of stuff. The orphanage received funding from the Crown and the Sisters meant well, but with so many kids resources where always limited>You had to really fight for each scrap. Or rather you didn’t actually. Anon was a colt sure, but he was built like a minotaur. Even the scrappiest filly had to acknowledge that. >You were never much of a fighter yourself. Didn’t need to be. Anon kept the bullies at bay through stature alone, acting as your bodyguards of sorts.>Not the most marely thing having a colt defend you. You did try to return the favor once by sticking up against some colts spreading gossip behind his back. It didn’t really work. Luckily Anon never seemed to care much what everypony else thought about him>You didn’t know why some loving family hadn’t scooped him up yet. He was a nice, tall, sweetheart of a colt. You knew some family would be lucky to have him“Hey Anon? Do you think you’ll come visit the orphanage once you’re adopted?”>The question seems to catch him off guard. He turns to face you, those big expressive eyes boring right into you in a way that made you feel all weird inside>”What makes you say that?” he asks you. “Of course I would.”“What if your new family was really far away? Like REALLY far.”>”Then I’d save up for a train ticket and come see you on the weekends.” He replies.>His response makes your face grow flustered>Sensing your discomfort he reaches out with one of those hands of his and scritches you behind the ear, in that one spot that always makes you melt“Hey Anon?”>He doesn’t stop the scritches as he answers: ”Yes Floor?”“Promise you’ll remember me when leave this place for good?”>This time his hand halts. For a moment there is silence. A heartbeat. And then he answers. “Promise.”
Do Mares think stallions (and anon) too dumb to play Pony Dark Souls?
>>41185108pony dark souls isn't an action game, it's an incredibly indepth life sim with branching paths and multiple friends and herdmembers to grind relation status with.
>>41185151But generally don't stallions in RGRE stories like that type of shit. like 'the sims' for example? that feels counter to how mares act in these stories and what they enjoy
>>41183456>I don't know how this stuff worksNone of us do. We just pretend that we do.
>>41185156They take the roles males do in our world, but they're still females.
>>41185162that sounds like Equestria sucks then
>>41185156you're right, but also consider that ponies are much less violent than humans as well as being herd creatures. Something like Doom wouldn't be popular among them, but a city builder or farming sim would. Perhaps this is getting too much into kinderquestria, though.
>>41185260I always guessed that a pony dark souls would be easier and simpler overall. because that's just how ponies are and live compared to us. like if you went there and were any good at the game you'd probably be the best player of pony dark souls kek
>>41185156>>41185160>>41185162>>41185173Most RGRE takes are just straight role reversal, often with a high ratio of mares to stallions, because it's just easier to write that than to try and think through what a proper society run by the fairer sex would be like. I prefer the latter but if I hated the former I wouldn't be here at all.Some of my takes, since I'm bad at transitions:>RGRE military is a very feminine profession. Ponies are skittish and family-oriented by nature, and despite their magical powers they're very aware of how much stronger most hostile forces are. >Ponies don't fight wars of conquest unless they have no other choice, so the actual army is a defensive, reactive force. Thus, caution and the ability/willingness to question orders are valued for most applications. Equestria's proper army is counting on females being less willing on average to throw their lives away.>Mares with foals are heavily desired for most postings, and a mare with foals and a herd to look after them is the minimum for the special forces. Partially because, again, defensive force, the army wants mares ideally defending something they're personally invested in. Partially because there's a common belief that a pony can only be trusted with the authority to take a life if she personally knows the joy of creating life. Goes doubly for expressly offensive/special ops forces who're outright expected to kill shit.>Stallions don't have what humans would consider a maternal instinct, or rather, they do but that's a side effect of ponies just being way more in tune with their emotions n shit. Mares are just as good at intuiting a foal's needs, though a mare trained for a career might need to get help from her husband/a more sensitive mare who has experience with foals.>Stallions are still expected to stay home, but I think of them as doing a lot more 'dad' shit than most interpretations. Stallions maintain the house, stallions protect the house, and a stallion is usually the one the foals see most often, especially in more traditionalist areas where the sons would be learning proper homesteading while the daughters are in trade school.>The stereotype of stallions being hysterical still exists, except it's because they're too logical and aggressive in a world where emotions and gay-ass spiritual friendships are literally magic power. Particularly misandrist mares even still believe the old pony tale that stallions just don't know how to make proper friends on their own/don't love their friends the way mares do.
>>41185292>The stereotype is (usually) unfair, of course, but not entirely unearned. Look at Nightmare Moon: Luna and Celly stopped talking properly. What happened?>Luna went nuts, but ignoring the 1,000 year banishment all it really amounted to was a tantrum and a laser fight with her sister.>Look at Sombra, whatever the fuck he did, he ended up enslaving an entire city and casting it into the depths of time and space for a thousand years. >Look at Spike, who can't talk about his feelings even when they're making a monster out of him.>Look at Discord, a literal demon, one serving as a Lucifer analogue to boot. Unstoppable chaos magic, extremely manipulative and willing to betray anyone foolish enough to trust him. What cured him? Fluttershy having unwavering patience with him + a lot of time to talk, if their regular tea appointments are anything to go by. Finale? What finale? Fuck you, guy!>NB4 Glimglam, I think Starlight proves this most of all. She's a mare who had borderline abusively inattentive parents, who lost her only confidant, and never got any therapy or other friends until she nearly destroyed the world from all the pent-up anger and betrayal. Starlight is the exception with possessed/fallen mares, but males are much more likely to let it get that bad before they're helped/taken out.
>>41184034>>41184072>>41184400>>41185101Bump for more of this good stuff.
>>41185108Dark Souls is trash
>>41184981I meant the more recent ones, but those are good too. https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/40847970/#q40876449
>>41184981I'm going through the thread and there are some funny ideas being thrown around. We used to be pretty cool.>tfw not 2019 anymore
>>41184992We used to hit bump limit multiple times a day. Back in 2015-2016, during our golden years (where namefagging writefags posted freely and our goblets overflow-eth with prompts and ideas), we'd go so fast a thread would often not even last an entire day. We had a good run, guys. Not even autism was able to kill us, despite how many wanted it to. Like individual twigs, we are weak. But brought together like a mighty faggot, we are strong!
>>41185292>Partially because there's a common belief that a pony can only be trusted with the authority to take a life if she personally knows the joy of creating life.I like this autistic worldbuilding.
>>41185782get gud loser
>>41185782Dragon's Dogma is better.
>>41185817Damn it feels like so long ago.
I'm concerned that I'd fall for the mare equivalent of a "male feminist," simply due to how starved for affection I am.>example, pic relatedLyra would be having her cervix pushed up around her ears shortly thereafter.
>>41185292>This is also why Celestia's guards are all male>It's not just because they're hot and she's only a mare, dammit>If sunbutt and moonbutt go down, the known world dies with them>Hesitation ain't tolerated>Thus, only the most meatheaded (and beefcakey) stallions get the honor of guarding Their Majesties>They usually work quite well, when all they do is tackle the occasional paparazzo or would-be princessnapper>The guard would very much appreciate it if you stopped bringing up the recent chain of defeats>Or at least included the context of them being alicorn-level demigods>Or even just the guard charging in without hesitation>Pretty please?>*bats eyelashes*
>Be Anon>Be tired>The sort of tired where you ache so much that you can't fall asleep and just sort of stare up at the sky>It had been a long shift at work>Your boss wasn't a gentlemare that let a fella work easier>In fact, you were pretty sure she put you through the ringer daily so you'd quit>You could find a better job, but seeing the look of frustration and dismay on her face every time you walked through the door made it hard to leave>It had been a bad one this particular day>A lot of moving things around>Heavy things>For ten whole hours>You had barely made it home, and only just on your front porch>You had kicked off your shoes and sat down on the nearest chair, oozing into it>There, you'd regain some strength before going inside>Five, ten minutes tops>This wasn't long, but it was long enough that your moment of weakness was noticed>You heard a familiar squeal>A few moments later, you heard something hitting the top of your fence, then a curse, then something flopping onto the ground a few feet away>You managed to focus on her just as she was happily trotting up your front porch>Lyra>The local weirdo and musician >Your street was filled with weirdo musicians, now that you think about it>On the other side of your fence you could see Bonbon looking less than thrilled>Meaning she looked like she usually did>The mare didn't like her wife's interest in you>While you didn't care for how she maintained her lawn>You'd think an earth pony would be able to keep her grass alive, but what did you know?>The second the unicorn's hoof touched your porch she started talking>How her day was doing, the weather, she asked about you, what you were eating for dinner, something about a town hall meeting>It was a barrage of words>A lesser man might have been swept up in it>You were just too tired, and most of it wasn't even registered>Lyra sat right next to you, just talking away>Her horn glowed, and one of your hands was lifted up and placed right on her head>The mare had a fascination with your hands>A fascination that Caramel described as "criminally disconcerting">She just loved wiggling and moving your fingers, watching as the digits twisted and curled>You didn't mind>The little mare was harmless >Your other neighbor, Vinyl, not so much>That mare liked your hands too, but instead of just wiggling them and getting you to pet her, she wanted you to stick those fingers in places>Not just your fingers either, as she had told you in very graphic detail many a time>You really didn't invite her and the British donkey to all that many game nights...
214th for snuggling and sleeping in a cuddle wings winghug
What are some characters you don't see often in RGRE?
>>41186744Lyra is too cute to say no to.
>>41187025the main six, in character, and not eqg
>>41187025Off the top of my head,Unofficial: Anonfilly in any form. Fuggman/NOF did that one story with Anon fathering an Anonfilly, and other than that we usually get anonstallion instead. Would be kinda neat to see Anon get isekai'd and find out he's a filly now, but also find out this is the form he has to be if he wants to be taken seriously in this world.Official: I don't think Derpy shows up as much as one would think. Probably because putting a retarded klutz/oblivious airhead into a male role would get too depressing too quick. I think Twilight's other friends show up rarely? Moondancer is pretty common as a NEETmare/STEM nerd but the other nerdmares I don't recall seeing too much?
>>41187025Plenty. Carrot Top, Red Ribbons, Sparkleworks, any Apple Family member AJ introduced Twilight to in the first episode, you can name any of the less popular background ponies and they, unsurprisingly, don't show up much.
>>41184400
>>41187097Derpy might be cool as the RGRE of a HIMBO. Like, Derpy is a total frat bro type, but really supportive of "male issues" and just great to be around and really supportive. Like, will absolutely be your wing man or escort you to get birth control through a crowd of protestors.
>>41186744If you think Vinyl is bad, wait till donk gets her drink on,
>It’s sleep over night with the besties>Moondancer, Lyra, Lemon Hearts, Minuette and Twinkeshine>The tightest group of sisters in Canterlot>Tonight they sleep over was being hosted in Moondancer’s parents’ basement>Lemon Hearts: “So what are we doing tonight girls? How about some competetive Hyperspace Hyperwars? Did you girls bring your minis?”>”I sold my army once Slugenoids got nerfed. So no.” Answered Twinkeshine>Minuette and Lyra nodded in agreement, having done the same once six edition came out>”I’ll play a few rounds with you later I’ve optimized my army list for the current meta already. I’ll going to wipe the floor with you like I did with Rarity the other week.” Taunted Moondancer>The girls rolled their eyes at her. Of course she did> Lyra perked up suddenly. “OOOH! I have an idea!” > Minuette: “Does it involve something with hands?”>”Maybe.”>”Nope. Anyone else?” asked Minuette, addressing the rest of the group.>Just then the basement door opened. It was Moondancer’s dad bringing the snacks. Nachoes, popcorn and freshly baked cookies >He set the snacks down on the table, drawing a few appreciative glances from Moondancer’s friends much to the nerdy mare’s embarrassment>”Here you go girls. Enjoy!” The older stallion headed back up the stairs, giving the group one last wave goodbye>”Moondancer’s dad has got it going on!” Exclaimed Lemon Heart once the door closed causing the group to erupt into laughter>Except for Moondance who slugged Lemon Heart’s shoulder. “Shut up!”>Eventually the laugher died down and silence fell upon the basement until Lyra spoke up. “Say what do you think stallions do at sleepovers?”>”Probably something lame, like gossip about mares they’re into.” Answered TwinkleshineMeanwhile in Ponyville….>It was sleepover night with the bros>Spike, Shining Armor (on vacation from the Crystal Empire), Big Mac, Caramel and Discord where all hanging out inside of a barn>They where all playing Hyperspace Hyperwars…casually>Tonight was the night they finally wrapped up their Horsesus Heresy campaign>They were playing loose with the ruleset as they stallions where way more into the roleplaying aspects of the game, playing it more like Ogres and Obulettes with a sci-fi paint scheme>Caramel had been hesitant to play the game, what with all the stallions in sexy power armor offending his stallionist sensibilities >But Big Mac had sat him down an explained the intense lore full of backstabbing, tragedy and betrayal and Caramel got hooked, on account of being a sucker of high stakes drama>After Caramel finished his movement phase a thought occurred to him ”Hey guys, what do you think mares do at sleep overs?”>Spike shrugged his shoulders. ”Probably something lame like knocking down ciders and watching a hoofball game.”
>Be Floor Bored, a few years after leaving the orphanage>Praise the sun! Somehow you and Anon managed to make it out of the orphanage together>Without him you would have been toast>No life skills, no passion, no work ethic>A young able-bodied mare trying to get on NEETbux?>You were laughed out of the welfare office>A young stallion with no herd, no job prospects and the only one of his kind however…>With Anon’s welfare checks you and him got a section eight apartment>It wasn’t much by any stretch of the imagination, but it was something>You and Anon even managed to save enough for a dingy old computer!>A few generations behind the time but good enough to scroll through imageboards, shitpost and watch torrented neighponese anime!>You were living the life! Or at least you thought you were. But lately you can’t shake a lingering doubt in your mind>It started when you were out for a midday hayburger run. While trotting to The Hayburger Princess, you couldn’t help but notice the occasional stallion trotting past>Not the stallions themselves. But the things they wore. Fancy suits and ties, expensive jewelry that kind of stuff, the kind that herds bought to dote on their stallions>You grew up an orphan so it’s not like you weren’t aware of wealth inequality. Not that you cared how you looked or what you wore>It was Anon you thought about as they walked past. How nice he would look in a new suit >Anon was a good guy, didn’t he deserve something nice? Clothes that weren’t hand me downs>A part of you couldn’t help but wonder how he would look in a new pair of socks…>Maybe your intentions weren’t entirely selfless>You may have been raised by nuns but you weren’t a saint that was for sure>You try to dispel the thought, but it lingers, that sense that Anon deserved better. Maybe better than what you could give him at the moment>During one sleepless night you rise from the bed and log unto the computer. But this time you don’t go to an image board>Instead you type into the search bar: “Jobs hiring near me.”
>>41187183>Male birth controlI'm imagining them being old-school condoms and the mares are protesting not because muh procreation but because they're made from intestines.
I like Goldie Mops
>>41187295>>41187345Have a well-deserved (y'all), y'all.
>>41187402i want to herd with them, but first i'll need to forcibly bathe and groom them. no stinky mares in my house! the smell of a clean pussy is the best.
>>41187345>To your surprise there are indeed jobs near you>Granted as a NEET with no job experience or education the pickings are slim>But you soldier on, spurred the mental image of Anon smiling when he sees what you’ve bought him>Still not sure what you should spend your first paycheck on but you’re getting ahead of yourself>Luckily you find a job near your apartment. The pay ain’t great but beggars can’t be choosers and the job requirements are nonexistent>A simple warehouse job picking up and moving boxes. You’re not the most athletic mare in the world but those earth pony genes of yours give you an advantage in the strength department>You spend the night filling out the application before finally collapsing face first unto your keyboard>When you wake up you find yourself in bed>You don’t question it. Whenever you fall asleep at the computer Anon always tucks you into bed sooner or later>It’s daytime now. Early in the morning. You creep out of your bedroom and stalk down the hallway silently, only stopping to peek into Anon’s room>The big lug is sleeping still. You know he saw the job application so it’s not a secret. Not that you could keep your employment status hidden from him for long. But you’d rather not talk to him about it. Not until you’ve landed the job>You check your mail, and the application has been accepted. So like a big girl you head out of your apartment and towards the industrial park>It’s barren, most workers having yet to clock in. The place is built like a maze of nondescript rooms and buildings but somehow you manage to arrive at the office>Inside is an old chubby mare with a greying mane. Her name tag identifies her as Tough Nut. You recognize the name as the warehouse>Steeling your nerves you trot up to her“H-hello. I’m Floor Bored, I’m here for a job interview. I sent an online application.”>For a second Tought Nut looks confused before a realization dawns on her. “Right, Floor Bored. Well let’s start your interview then.”>You gulp. You are not good with…well anything involving face to face communication> She asks “Can you lift heavy things?”“Well um, I’m an earth pony so you know…” >”Hmmph. Can you show up to work on time?”“Uh yeah…sure can.”>She nods. “Can you pass a drug test?”>You don’t do drugs. You prefer your addictions to be digital in nature“Yes?”>“Your hired. You start tomorrow.”>Wait>It was that easy all along?!Last post before I go to sleep. I'll post more tomorrow after work. Unless the propeller gets me.
>>41187459>Unless the propeller gets mePicrel
>>41187512lurk moar
>>41187459Anon, please be mindful to keep your distance from all propellers. Floorb a good mare
>>41187459>>It was that easy all along?!If only
>>41187616I wonder what job could i get with my studies in RGRE, i got my license on psychology, a grade in electromechanics, military experience, and done some manual labor.
>>41187672>PsychologyA teacher/tutor for any predator immigrants. You'll need a new degree if you want to work with ponies, honey.>ElectromechanicsElectro-what? Don't worry your pretty little head, that sounds like pegasus business. Or unicorn. It doesn't matter, you got cute lil grabbers for making sammiches and hugging foals.>Military experienceGreat! The girls in gold could always use another nurse.>Manual laborUh huh, sure, hauling in groceries is pretty tough.
>>41187699You know what, fuck it nurse se it is then, at least i got to help hurt poners!
>>41187672>a grade in electromechanics,Probably the best bet for a prestigious career, given the tech of the show.You'll be working with a bunch of thick-headed mares who think their mark-granted skills outweigh any theoretical (or even practical) skills you have learned, and a few older stallions who studied electromechanics after raising a few foals. Be prepared for an instant herd of engineer mares, your position will be that of a woman in a male-dominated field on Earth.
>>41187183>ywn get a brick with the word "WHORE" scrawled on it in chalk thrown through your window the day after you go to the pharmacy to buy a box of condoms
>>41187345>>Instead you type into the search bar: “Jobs hiring near me.”ohh SHIT
>>41187819As long as it's not as bad as being a nurse in real life, where you get spit on and screamed at by the shitty dumbass families of your shitty dumbass patience who got their shitty dumbass asses into your shitty dumbass hospital by ignoring strange new growths on their bodies, or because they thought that their whooping cough would go away all on its own. Not worth the money.
>>41188337I want to be as happy as popcorn nigger is someday.
>>41188392I don't, looks exhausting.
>>41187459Alright I managed to evade the propeller and got off of work early so here's part two of the Florb redemption arc:>So you just nailed your first job interview>Because of your amazing people skills of course>Not because the bar was on the floor>Anyways you’re nervous about your first day but also feeling like a total alpha mare>With a big giddy smile you step into your apartment>In the kitchen you hear the sound of the faucet running>Anon’s at the sink washing dishes>Your smile grows wider. ‘Yeah be a good colt and keep the house tidy for your breadwinner’ you think to yourself>Strutting over with newfound confidence you give Anon’s ass a light slap“That’s what I like to see.”>Anon meets your gaze and rolls his eyes, but can’t help but smile just a smidge>”Somepony’s in a good mood today. Does it have anything to do with your early morning trip?”>You nod excitedly“I got a job Anon! Starting tomorrow I’m bringing in the bits.”>Anon’s expression shifts from surprise to the biggest grin you’ve ever seen from him>Before you can react he scoops you up with those big arms of yours and pulls you into a big hug>You squirm in his unyielding grip at first but eventually you just melt into it, resting your head on his shoulder>”I’m so proud of you Floor.”>You don’t know what to say. For what seems like forever you just press yourself against him, drinking in the praise and affection>Eventually he sets you down and asks, “So you missed breakfast today. How about we go out to celebrate? I’ll pay for it.”>You put a hoof up to his chest“Nope. I’m paying tonight.”
>>41188980>The next day>Your first day of work was not how you imagined it all>First you took a drug test. Easy enough and you knew you’d pass>You were sat in a small office in the back of the warehouse with a computer even older than the one you had at home>As part of the onboarding process you had to sign a ton of documents. Extremely repetitive work. You signed your name over and over again until it lost all meaning>Then for hours you had to watch instructional safety videos, narrated by the most monotone voice imaginable>Sure you were used to staring at screens, but this was beyond monotonous>By the end your eyes had glazed over, and you had yet to pick up a single box >Those schizo posters where right, being a wagie is some kind of sick humiliation ritual >When you return home you’re mentally and spiritually drained and your resolve was in the gutter>You collapse unto your ratty old couch and contemplate quitting on your second day>Not too long into your sulking Anon sits down beside you. You feel his hand playing with your greasy mane>”How was work?”“Boring. Really boring.”>Anon laughs softly. “Yeah I bet. Work sucks.”>You lift your head up to meet his gaze, those big, beautiful eyes of his boring into you>”But I’m glad you went through with it.”>You see the admiration written all over his face. You get that fuzzy feeling you got when he hugged you yesterday. The feeling of being something worthy of being proud again>You can feel your eyes start to cry…er sweat. Mares don’t cry.>Yeah, you’re definitely going to work tomorrow.
>>41188984>A week later>Paycheck time!>You don’t come straight home like usual>You instead take your bag of bits to a nearby jeweler and put in a special order>It eats up most of your first paycheck but it’s totally worth it>For Anon’s sake>Eventually the best day of all rolls around…. Sunday!>Growing up around sun obsessed nuns may have given you a few strong opinions on certain things>Moving on…>The jeweler finished your custom order, so you swing around to pick it up>It’s just like you imagined. Perfect>You GALLOP to the apartment as fast as your pudgy out of shape body can handle. A week of manual labor isn’t going to give you gains after all>Inside the apartment you find Anon on the couch idly reading a book>Panting and out of breath you collapse in front of him on the floor>”Woah, you good Florb?””J-just…give..me…a sec.”>Anon puts his book down and lifts you up unto his lap>You blush hard. As if this wasn’t nerve wracking enough>You and Anon were foalhood best friends, roommates and always incredibly close. And you knew you were both into each other. You refused to believe otherwise>But neither of you could ever seem to say it out loud. Well too bad Anon, it’s a mares world and you where going to be the one to say it“Anon…I got you something.”>From your saddlebags you pull out an item wrapped in cloth and hoof it over to him>Anon gives you a curious look and takes it. Slowly he unfurls the cloth to reveal…a necklace with a cross pendant
>>41188987>When Anon was first delivered to the orphanage in a basket the nuns found a note in a strange language and a golden necklace with a strange pendant in the shape of a cross>None of the nuns knew what it meant. You didn’t think Anon did either being so young and all>But whoever delivered him to Equestria clearly wanted him to have it>Unfortunately one day on the playground he lost it and after weeks of searching it was never found>Being the only real attachment to his lost heritage it clearly upset him not to have it>Luckily it was a simple design and with just a sketch from memory the jeweler managed to replicate it exactly>You see Anon start to tear up. He puts it around his neck, thumbing over the strange symbol >“Florb…I…thank you.”>But you’re not done yet. You put a hoof to his lips to shush him gently“Anon, I…”>Buck what can you even say? You gulp and take a deep breath. Now’s not the time to fumble>You remember the day you and Anon left the orphanage. Sister Haven pulled you aside to give you some advice>”Floor you had the privilege of growing up with a tall handsome alien colt as your best friend. If you don’t mare up and make him yours then you might as well take a vow of chastity. Because no way you’re getting this lucky twice. Don’t fumble this.”>Sister Haven was not a nice mare. You couldn’t help but wonder if she was speaking from experience>Still she had a point. So you continue, silently praying to Celestia that this works“…promise I’ll always take care of you. Provide for you. Care for you. As your marefriend. If you’ll have me.”>The words barely escape your lips before Anon pulls you into a kiss. Your lips meet his and for a moment the whole world melts away, replaced by a warmth you’ve never felt before.>After an impossibly long and yet too short moment you both pull away from each other, flustered and hot but never having felt better>That night you open up your favorite Mongolian basket weaving forum and click [Start a New Thread] and start typing“We’re all going to make it sisters…”
>>41188991She can never go back to her forums now, she's a normie with a coltfriend.
>>41187295Hilarious, exactly how I'd picture it.
>>41189217>Floor Bored is busy at work and busy at home with Anon>Realizes she hasn't been on her usual forums in a few weeks>Checks in>But it's not the same>She's able to connect to none of the bitterness of virginity found within>She finds a mare freaking out over some minor detail of an anime, and before she can stop herself, she utters "Wow, touch grass.">Her eyes go wide in shock>Tears begin to fill them>She's a normie now
>Be Sunset>Leader of the Rainbooms>The best dueling gang in Equestria>You and your girls run this gosh darn town!>Whatever you want you get>Heck, you were good enough to become the champion if you wanted>You didn't see the point, there was plenty of dick for you as you were, but you had the option>While ruling your kingdom, you hear of a trainer making some small waves>His name was Anon>His party consisted entirely of Rapidash >Just Rapidash>Somehow, from what you were told, he was incredibly strong>For a boy>You couldn't have some stupid boy getting too big for his britches >Maybe you'd go find him>Maybe teach him a lesson...~_~_~_~_~_>Be Anon>You wanna be the very best>Like no one ever was>You'd catch 'em all, but your Rapidash's didn't like you having other pokemon on the team>You had been riding all around Equestria, getting badges, getting your socks stolen daily by your fire horses>You had found yourself in Canterlot City>The home of gym leader Luna>You heard she was a dark type expert>You wish you could use a primeape or something for the upcoming match, but the girls would freak out>So, all of her shit was getting stomped>Then fire blasted>Then probably stomped again>After it was all over, all six girls would neigh until you made them their dinner>Then pet and brushed them>THEN you'd probably lose some article of clothing>It was usually Rarity that did it, but Pinkie and even Twilight would steal something on occasion>Applejack wouldn't steal anything, but she did like to lay in your lap and not get up until you give her a few smooches on the head>Flutters just liked to pin you against things with her rump and just look at you>It was a pain, but if that's what it took to be the pokemon master you'd do it>And, hopefully, you'd be able to catch more pokemon that weren't fire horses?>Maybe?>You'd love a hitmonlee or something neat like a scyther...
>>41189317>It's weird how many trainers have bug pokemon with sleeping powder...
>>41186744I'd rather be tired in horseworld than most things, weird musicians be damned, at least they're cute when they're mares
>>41189317>>Leader of the Rainbooms>Not "Team Rainboom"You're a Fake Gamer Colt.
Back when I was at the shipyard, they had us hauling these huge metal pieces, just like in that post. Moving them down ladders and carefully setting them on scaffolds was no joke. Those things were heavy as hell, and dropping one meant risking it smashing your feet and sending you free-falling 30 feet down.I never carried them down tho, I let my coworker do that lol.
>>41187295>”Why speculate when we can observe for ourselves?” mused Discord.>Shining narrowed his eyes at the draconequus. “Just what are you planning?”>Discord merely smirked and snapped his fingers>The world went white in a bright flash. When the boys recovered their vision they were no longer surrounded by hay bales. Instead they were standing in the middle of a basement in front of a group of confused looking mares>”What the buck?!” exclaimed Moondancer.>Shining stepped forth and prepared to apologize but was interrupted by Discord, who appeared beside the stallion in a poof of smoke.>Suddenly there was a poof of smoke and Discord appeared, wearing an oversized set of pink pajamas>”Oh I do hope you don’t mind but me and the boys decided to crash this slumber party.”>Moondancer glared and stomped a hoof. “Discord I should have known.”>Sensing the tension Shining put himself between the angry mare and amused trickster. “Easy you two. Discord was just playing a prank. He’ll teleport us out of here RIGHT NOW.” >”Um actually…” came the voice of Twinkleshine.>”…maybe they could stay and join us?”>Beside her Lemon Heart and Minuette nodded their heads. And Lyra was too busy staring at Discord’s lion paw thing that looked vaguely like a hand>’Ah buck. I can’t say no now, I’ll look like a total buzzkill.’ Moondancer thought.>”Alright, you colts can stay. We can whip out the monopoly game or go fish or something…”>”Woah! Is that a 2000 point Equis Militarium army?” exclaimed Spike, noticing a bunch of unpainted plastic infantry, tanks and walkers laying on a gaming table nearby>”Yup, that’s my army.” declared Lemon Hearts with no small hint of pride>”Cool. What color scheme are you going to paint them in?”>”Lemon never paints her minis. She likes playing more then painting.” Chimed in Lyra>Caramel and Big Mac cringed>Both groups fell into an awkward silence
>>41189888>”Jeez it’s like pulling teeth.” Huffed Discord, annoyed by how boring this was all getting. “I know, how about we play a few games?”>Moondancer gave an ugly laugh. “Please, I’d wipe the floor with you fake gamercolts easy.”>Minuette rolled her eyes. “We finally get some guys in here and you have to drive them off with your showboating.”>Shining wasn’t too impressed either. He commanded actual armies not just plastic ones. Did Moondancer really think she could beat a master strategist>”Okay lady, settle down. I’ve won a fair few tournaments back in my day.”>Ever since Flurry was born Shining hadn’t been able to do some real competitive pay, only casual games every now and then>Sensing the tension Discord gave a cheshire smile>”Well then why don’t we have ourselves a friendly match? But with a twist.”>Before anypony could protest Discord snapped his fingers and the basement faded away>Both the mares and stallions suddenly found themselves in a desolate wasteland, an endless desert barren save for a few outcroppings of ruined buildings>Fully alert Shining scanned their surroundings for immediate threats. When his gaze fell on the ruins a sense of familiarity prickled his mind. It took him a second to realize why>They were his terrain pieces>”What in the name of Tartarus?”>Suddenly Discord’s disembodied voice boomed out>”In the eternal night of the distant future there is only combat…”>”Is that legally distinct enough for you Games Workshop?”
>>41188991>mongolian basket weaving forumUmm sweaty, don't you mean yakyakistani basket smashing forum???
>>41190090>Doesn't even know her own folkloreFloorb obviously goes on /x/ to talk about the ancient monkey bitch who killed Tirac the First.
>>41190695Twilight finds someone even more autistic than her. A match made in heaven.
>>41190695>She goes to him and asks him to take her out>Brings her to the beach despite being exhausted>Shares a hobby with her>Cooks a meal and hand-feeds it to her>She looks bored but won't say anything, waiting for him to notice her mood for what looks like an entire day>Drove her there and back>"I guess I had a little fun or whatever"What is it when you're a mare-roastie in RGRE? Twilight's going to be a virgin forever.
>>41190104I dunno man, mongolian basket weaving forum doesn't fit in-universe in my opinion.
>>41191518idk but would the RGRE male roasties be called scabbards or sheathies?
I doubt roast beef is that big in pony land, so there would have to be a different term entirely.
>>41186194better be a gamer mare (gamare) (yes a very unfortunate mashing of words)
I will walk around town with nothing but a banana hammock on and I will blame the matriarchy when I get rapped
>>41192247>when I get rappedWill you be able to live it down when she tears apart your fashion sense in front of the whole town?
>>41192282Depends. If she just spouts some mid-tier rhymes about my shoes, IDGAF. If she manages to start a singalong with random marketgoers as backup dancers? Yeah that would be pretty devastating.
>>41180775>be mare>pick up colt at a bar>have wild sex>colt is gone the next day>decide to go out for a walk>pegasi all around>feel a bit hot and bothered this morning>why do sweaty wingpits suddenly seem so strangely erotic?Changelings giving std kinks seemed funny to me
>>41181198>Mental STD>Twilight isn't autistic because she's autistic>She's autistic because Velvet kept hiring seemingly real ponies to try (in vain) to seduce her>The real reason Chrysalis invaded Canterlot was to shut up all the male drones coming back and bitching about how insulted her denials made them feel
>>41189893I'm sure they find a reason to sue.
>>41187512I've literally been here so long that people don't know about the propeller incident. I don't know what to feel, hello you adorable little new friend I want to pet your head like a small innocent animal. At the same time I want some berate you and declare that you need to lurk more.
>>41193252Porque no los dos?
>Be Ms. Mare.>Laying in bed after being bailed out by Mayor Mare (again).>This time was no different from the others, you had slipped up and lost control again.>After having narrowly avoided the registry a few times, you already know patience is wearing thin.>Guilt, fear, and shame fog your mind.>Those poor stallions...>Your sister can't keep doing this.>You can't keep doing this.>Sleep eventually overtakes your clouded thoughts.>The fog infiltrates your dreams, though eventually it recedes.>Guilt, fear, and shame are replaced by warmth, comfort, and a clear head.>It was that same feeling that you can't get enough of.>When you catch a scent and lose control.>It was a common enough dream for you, yet it felt so real.>You reach out to the scent and pull it close, burying your muzzle in it.>The warm scent fills your lungs as feel your heart rate quicken.>Fearing you're going to lose the scent you greedily inhale more digging your nose in deep.>You awake suddenly, but you don't lose the scent, or the warmth.>You do however feel your mind clear the lighter mist-like high of the scent.>Realization hits you like a bucket of ice water.>Your hooves are wrapped around something warm, breathing and covered in saliva where you pressed your muzzle into it.too eepy to go on...
Even with all the differences between life on earth and life in RGRE, I bet there's still one constant. If you find something weird in the woods, leave immediately, and no the fuck you didn't.
>>41193456In equestria, we all would be that thing.
>>41193403she needs help but the system is whack yo, that's why she's still out there huffing ball bags to this day>>41187512it's just a meme when referring to a dead writefag>Frostyboxpropeller got 'em
>>41193688That's what I was thinking. He wants us to die in the woods so he has all the mares to himself.
>>41192157>sheathiesOhh, that sounds WAY more demeaning than 'scabbard'. I like it.
>>41192247I like poofy zeeb
>>41193252>They don't know about the propellerI bet they also don't know about that one time a drawfag made avatars for some of the writefags.
>>41193456Just like if you find a bat, kill her. Ponice will never believe a stallion murdered a mare and no one will care to really investigate the death of a leatherback.
>>41193722Man I been lurking and shitposting for almost a year, how am I supposed to passively learn about a thing nobody talks about?
>>41193832Go over to /x/ and learn how to telepathically connect to /mlp/ anons.
>>41193832Be magic, Anon. Duh.
>>41193832>Not bound to this place and its users through the magic of friendshipdyewts?
>>41193832>He hasn't wasted the last 7 years of his life on this soul-draining underwater basket-weaving forum, like some sort of fucking loser^:(
>>41193947I got on the ride in 2016 so I have wasted the last 8 years sifting among the ashes of a fallen empire, if that helps.
>Be Anon>You finally got your state-issued mare>The guard that brought her said she was a bit of a problem case, and to let you know if she tried to hurt you>She was an earth pony mare>Green, with curly black hair>You welcomed the little mare in>She had been pretty aggressive with the guard, but as soon as she walked through the front door and seemed to calm down a lot>You showed her around your state mandated home>It wasn't huge, but it was near the farm you had been sent to work>Hard work too, but you didn't mind it all that much>You showed her some of your knick knacks>Stuff from your childhood, the TV that you never used, some books you had>She seemed delighted and fascinated with every inch of your home>Her name was Rowdy Riot you learned>She did not play very well with others>She never had>Her life had been... rough to put it lightly>But hey, she'd be with you from now on!>You weren't a very good cook or anything, but she seemed to really enjoy the macaroni and cut up hot dogs you made for her>If she liked that, at least you'd be able to keep her fed, and you had been told the way through a magical horse's heart was through her stomach!>You were excited to have someone in the house finally>You were also very excited to be a husband>Before the magic horse take over you never thought you'd have the chance>But now?>Now you could have a family, horse kids, a house, a good job that contributed to society>The whole nine yards >All you had to do was be a really good husband!>You hoped you'd be a good one>You hoped Rowdy liked you too...~_~_~_~_~_>Be Rowdy>A big, sweet colt made you dinner>Nopony had ever made you dinner before>Not even your father, as far as you could remember>Not ten minutes after meeting him you bucking loved this weird creature
