>This is your final warning. Pay taxes, build a shrine to Princess Celestia in your home and start singing with us during our musical numbers or bad things will happen to you. Terrible, unspeakable, horrific things....
>>41248644>"I won't pay any tax but in exchange I will build a Princess Celestia statue with the biggest ass you have ever seen."
>Refuse to do anything she says>Next morning you hear a knock on the door>Open it to find no-one there, but there's a paperbag on fire on your doorstep>Stare at it>Look up at the treeline>Like fifty ponies are all poorly hidden there - tails sticking out, a few legs in clear view, the wilder mane-styles jutting up from behind hedgerows.>They're watching you and hissing at each other>So this is what retribution in Equestria looks like
>>41248644>rape
>>41248664>Alright, ponies, come and get me
>>41248644I can handle the taxesI can handle building a shitty jobber shrine in the middle of my living roomBut I am never, ever going to start singing in your shanty ass, horse town
>>41248688Take the bardpill Anon. You'll find it to be quite fun.
>>41248692You just got her pregnant.
>>41248644>Very well, but I'll build a shrine for Princess Luna instead. Any objections, ma'am? No? Great! New Lunar Republic for life!
>>41248644"oh really? a shrine, AND taxes?">anon said with a smug look and his arms crossed as he gazed down at the furious mare standing on his porch >Mayor Mare fidgeted in place as she attempted to keep her composure while looking the hairless ape in the eye"maybe i could be convinced to do the shrine part, buuuuuuut all that singing in the street?.....""no. way. in. hell.">he said, bending down a foot away from her muzzle lingering on the last word a tick before bringing himself up to his original stonewalled stance of defiance>her glare narrowed as she bore daggers into his skull>she snorted a jet of hot air before saying,>"i am simply trying to help you Mr. Mous, but time and again you have rejected my plea in the recent months since your residency here in ponyville....">her expression softened slightly as she pursed her lips and allowed the smallest smug smile of her own to form on the corners of her muzzle>"do remember what i said Mr. Mous, unspeakable things...">she said as she produced a letter in a red envelope, holding it in her mouth for him to grab>anon stayed silent, looking down upon her>smiling still maintaining his eye contact >he knew she was bluffing>tired of his presence the older mare let the envelope fall to his feet as she turned on her hooves in one motion and made her way for the road to town>he waved to her with that same smile on his mug knowing full well she wasnt going to turn to see him doing so>she purposefully walked over his freshly cut lawn instead of the path from his porch to the street"yea ill try to remember all that, bitch.">anon said to himself as he watched her flank move out of view past the trees in the entrance to his front yard and down the dirt road>releasing the tension in his shoulders he sighed deeply bringing the front door closed behind him
>>41248813"i need a drink.">anon mumbled to himself as he sauntered his way into his kitchen scavenging through the cupboards >it was mid day when she she woke him from his nap>anon had lied there for a time waiting for her to leave while she hoofed the hardwood of his front door >he had done it a hand full of times before when she came to speak to him and it worked>but not today>he knew it was her too>she had a distinct way of knocking, hard and authoritatively, the same every time >almost like a cop would knock>maybe ten minuets he tried to wait her out this time but today she was determined to give her "final warning""ah! there you are!">he purred as he rolled the bottle of dark amber liquid out from under his sofa "ive been looking for you everywhere friend." >still kneeling in front of his sofa the half full bottle of whiskey was embraced in his loving arms and pulled to his chest>anon was in front of his fridge almost by reflex>squatting down he inspected the contents of his pony sized refrigerator with his love still held close"lets seeeeeeee here.... apple juice.... apple punch.... apple nectar..... expired apple cider Applejack told me not to take home from the festival.....">he trailed off"gotta stop going to that farm...">he said under his breath while standing up and closing the door to the midget horse fridge>his precious bottle was set with care on the dinner table in front of him as he sat down to ponder what to mix it with>it was way too early in the day to be drinking straight liquor >and he grew tired of the taste of apple throughout his stay in horse land "so what else was there....">and then it came to him>shooting up out of his chair he closed the distance between him and the drawer>digging frantically he pawed through the loose papers and other clutter he accumulated there>somepony had accidently opened it while visiting one day and when asked anon said it was his "recipe drawer""AH HA!">doing three sixty spin for no one but himself, he held the note card to the heavens like He-Man with his magic sword"EGGNOOOOOOOOOOOOOG!!!!!!!">he proclaimed before palming the card down on the countertop >with a twinkle in his eye he swiftly returned to the fridge to retrieve the ingredients and begin the alchemy.....
>>41248823>...>>a few hours later<<>the sun had gone down some time ago>anon was feeling good, sprawled out over his couch>the original bottle was empty, lying on its side next to another half full bottle of liquid amber sitting on his coffee table>he was singing along to the song spinning on his record player>there were no words to the songs but that didnt matter>the record was a gift from Octavia last Hearthswarming >he remembered it was a hand full of songs she said she wrote for him>at least thats what she told him>he lost count of how many times he flipped the record in the past couple hours >and then something made his ear perk up>knocking?>but it was light>rhythmic>it clashed to the song so it stuck out to him>he got up now walking to the player to turn it down some, he didnt want to shut it off and kill the mood entirely>he heard it more clearly now, it was a slow beat>thumpthump,thump thump...thumpthump,thump thump...thumpthump,thump thump...>hoofknocking on wood, but not really>tip toeing through the half light to oak door he opened it a crack with the somber instrument still wailing behind him>anon peered through the moonlight and fog but nopony was on his porch to greet him"wat tha fu-">another abnormal sound cut through the music behind him making him do a 180 faster than a left 4 dead survivor>he couldnt tell what it was this time but the knocking was louder than before>thumpthump..... thumpthump...... thumpthump....... thumpthump......>he felt his heartbeat quicken>wasting no time anon darted for the kitchen for a knife>his sockfeet made him slide on his stopping step>his hand met the drawer handle but he kept moving>with a clatter he and the drawer of silverware were on the floor>he held in his hand the small brass knob to the drawer that he looked at for a half second while groaning>throwing the knob against the wall in front of him he scrambled to get his feet beneath him again in an effort to regain uprightness once more>avoiding the cutlery strewn about him he was up again steadying himself with a hand on the dining room table>he collected a steak knife from the mess on the floor and walked back into the living room>the adrenaline in his blood mixing with the alcohol hit his brain>he was ready for a fight but what he didnt expect was that smell>it hit his nose and made his heart jump in his chest>he looked to the top of the stairs in front of him>the glint in their eyes was steel and wide, two sets up there staring at him>that smell was one he could never forget"mares in heat....">he said almost too quiet to hear above the still singing strings>with that a third set of eyes reflected though the space between the other two>he didnt realize but his hand was shaking>the knife bounced off the carpet next to him>they advanced down the stairs and the knocking started again as their hoof-falls played that ominous rhythm once more"dear god please save me...">anon said in a shaky whisper
>>41248829>rape
>>41248829I'm tired of paying my taxes so I won't get raped. Ponyville is unfair, Mayor Mare is up there.
>>41248644>"I will pay taxes but I cannot and will not worship the princess. I have a prince who is my Lord">*offers mayor mare a scroll with a wax seal formed in strange characters*
>>41249672?
>>41248644>tfw you will never be an upstanding citizen in Ponyville >>41249155Cute!
>>41250273>mayor mare neighs as she fails to decipher the strange wax seal>she bites it open frustratedly, unfurling the rumpled paper>words written in plain ponish, but seem to be quoting something old>"Behold, it is written of me in the scroll of the book, I have come to do your will O God">bell mare suddenly dashes into an alleyway, accompanied by loud tinkling and bangling from her bell collar>hides in a barrel outside her own house
>>41249173
>>41248644>Pay taxesNay, my need is greater. Also my institution and by extension, me, is a charity therefore we are tax exempt.>Build a Princess Celestia shrineI serve one of a higher station than Princess. I will hang a picture, as she is quite pretty. Will this compromise suffice?>Sing along during musical numbers.I am, Emperor forgive me, tone deaf.
>>41250465im just gonna pretend i know what this is and nod
>>41250889it was a diversion
>>41248644No
Bump 'cause more green is coming
>>41248829you wouldn't do old mares, right anon?
>>41252979Old mares need lovin’ too…
>>41252979(you) are just gonna have to wait and see in part two
>>41252979NTA, I would a Gilflight
>>41248644Mayor Mare is cute when she's angry
>>41253006she cute as a granny too be quite honest bro
I want to pamper Mayor Mare
Maybe all these little ponies have been conditioned to start singing when one starts to sing because they're blend in and are safe in big singing herd. All the bad things tend to happen cranky ponies who don't sing and thus stand out. Kinda like big kinder natural selection. It must be the same background magical ether that prevents anon from cussing by making convenient loud noises happen to block the words.
>>41248829this got a continuation>>41254330
>>41253006would
