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>>78180083
UsefuI Iinks for anyone who might need them:

> Iong list of self harm aIternatives (thank you muddy):
https://imgur.io/a/7Q2zgw7

> first aid post cuting:
https://www.lifesigns.org.uk/first-aid-for-self-injury-and-self-harm/

>a wound care guide:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CsvJs8qNCVkHWHKekMSmCn6qn0GBEcgnq9fIqlA6Uv0/mobilebasic

>a bbpd workbook:
https://d-pdf.com/book/1781/read

> the illustrated self harm care guide (thank you Sisyphus!)
https://styro.sh

>>78180083
>no
>5 days ago
>stressed out
>nothing worth mentioning

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>>78180083
>Any plans for today?
Got work tomorrow morning, and I'm getting back into learning piano
>When was the last time you hurt yourself?
A couple of hours ago
>Why did you hurt yourself?
Im about to rant about it
>Is there anything bothering you right now?

About a year and a half ago, I found out some random tranny OF creator was making somewhere around $1-2 million dollars per year. This sent me into a really depressive spiral since I can't find a job for shit, and on top of that, I have a pretty feminine body, I have thick thighs, a fat ass, and a slim waist, and these thoughts kept creeping into my head to just troon out for money, that I could make so much money. It got to a point every time I'd see this trannies face, my day would just be ruined. I hated my self so much for not indulging in what I hate and despise the most (porn). Now that same guy is going around /r9k/ posting himself since hist tiktok was banned and most likely lost alot of his audience.

This place used to be my safe place away from what pisses me off and discourages me, but seeing his face on this board, and the emotional turmoil that I just now felt like I got out off, all of that came back to me like a truck. I know this is ridiculous, obviously this guy isn't out to get me or anything, this my own personal struggle, and I dont know why this person is the manifestation of these disgusting thoughts of a universe not too far, I suppose it just because my curiosity for the amount they make started this whole situation. But fuck man, I hate this world so much. Why do people spend money of this shit, its so disgusting.

BTW: I really don't car about transpeople, is what it is not my issue, but people who make money via whoring themselves out induce ire and distain from me so much. Such a disgusting world.

>>78180307
1/2
Sup anon, I'm probably going to head to bed soon but I can't lie to you, I kinda went to the same thing. I have a feminine body, and before i built muscles had a twinkish body, and those thoughts for sure went through my head, I never took them seriously though.

>some random tranny OF creator was making somewhere around $1-2 million dollars per year

That shit absolutely fucking sucks, I don't want to bash on anyone but I think the whole industry is completely disgusting and evil. Whoever you are typing about is very likely riddled with mental illnesses and deep psychological trauma. I personally believe no one enters this industry unless they lack money, attention or validation from their peers. But the specific issue, I believe, with onlyfans creators, is that they exasperate the issue and further lead to more and more societal damage. I've heard of stories of young girls who enter and go from posting bikini pictures to being a full on proustite within months.

I understand you might either be envious of this person in an unhealthy way, or just frustrated at the reality of their income, but behind the makeup and cameras is a person who will never to buy the one thing that they will forever and inexplicably never receive. Being genuine connections with healthy people, friends family, parents etc. My parents can be a nightmare, and I might not have the best relationship with them, but I know that if I lived a life where they wanted nothing to do with me and I couldn't do anything about it, and on top of that, no one can love me for who I am, and not as a sex object, there is no universe where I can be happy, in anyway conceivable.

>>78180307
2/2

I'm sorry for ranting, but I had the exact same ideas of you over the general dissatisfaction of how these people accrue so much money, but you have things that can never be bought, as I mentioned before, and these are things that you lived your entire life with. It's unimaginable living without them. I really could rant for hours over this stuff, but I'm going to leave off with this before I head to bed. Imagine a life where the only people who look at you favorable have to jerk off to you for them to even consider having you on their screens or to occupy any square inch of their mind. Such a dehumanizing way to live, that those are the only people who even look upon you favorable, and when they eventually stop posting content, your entire presence in their mind is dumped in exchange for someone else to jerk off to. Really try imagine living that life. It cant be a life worth living. That line of thinking got me out of the mental trap that I use to live in, whats the point in working or doing anything if someone else makes money doing disgusting acts? I don't know what the point is for you, but it is certainly far better than the dirty money that they surround themselves with.

>>78180417
>>78180365
Thanks Irkador... im just glad that i dont feel insane saying this shit, its such a dumb thing to have annoying me. and see what you mean when you say that their lives are really arnt worth living. It does make me feel better about mine.

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Quick bump before I go to bed. It's currently 5 30 am so my sleep schedule is absolute garbage

>>78180083
Hey irkador

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Hey everyone, hi Irkador ^^
How are you doing?
I was gone for the last thread.

>>78180282
Hi anon, good to hear you're almost a week clean. Keep it up :>
>>78180307
Hi anon.
I believe you are right. I am appalled by the amount of money they make, but work is work if you ask me, it only gets bad when they spill it over into people's spaces like you said. Society is fucked sadly and its tragic that you feel like you have to go against your principles for money. Im really sorry. I believe most people are upset about the financial injustice of it and it bleeding over into everything else.
I want to calm you down by telling you that there is nothing impure or wrong about these thoughts which trouble you so much. Can I ask if you are asexual or abstinent?
>>78181141
Hey gatorbro, thanks for the bump and have a good sleep friend :>

I love cutters femboy general :3

bushnwns0

>>78180498
>its such a dumb thing to have annoying me
It really isn't. As long as it bothers you its a valid problem, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Emotion is a complex thing

mornings everyone. howre you all?

i havent cut since april but i keep stabbing myself in the arm with pens and i honestly think itd be less dangerous if i just went back to cutting. i hate my life i hope i die

>>78183397
thats no good anon, i hope things get better for you. you wanna talk about whats making you feel this way?

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>>78180083
>Any plans for today?
Go to bed, wake up in a few hours, get a long sleeve shirt for working in 40C weather outside and work another 13-15hr shift lol.
>When was the last time you hurt yourself?
Literally 20 minutes ago, and yesterday, a few months ago before that
>Why did you hurt yourself?
My coworkers send my brain into a spiral. I vibe, I get into it, I think I'm cringe and hate myself once I'm back at the hotel and yeah it's calming and brings me back. My coworkers seem to like me, but I can't bring myself to actually believe that they're just humouring me. Idk, mobile posting sucks
>Is there anything bothering you right now?
The fact that I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere on what should have been a 4 day job, but it kinda turned into a few weeks by accident oops. Rip my gf ig

But hey! Night premiums + LOA premiums + per diems + daily OT + 14hr Sundays entirely at double time so fuck it we grinding

>>78180307
Selling your labour or your body to others is the same thing at the end of the day. Be a whore and make bank anon. Also like, if you want to munch some estrogen fucking send it!

But if you look into OF content, I think it's like 95% of creators make less then 100$ a month. The sad reality is for every literal millionaire hung tranny top with a T-gel juiced up cock, there are hundreds of girls trying to market themselves and failing. You only see the winners y'know?

>>78183397
Honestly probably. At least fresh blades are sterileish and you're not getting all sorts of pen gunk up in an open wound. If it would curb it, chalk it up to harm reduction

Anyone here found any good means for attention issues?
Discovered yerba mate to work somewhat well but not sure if that's just placebo

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>>78183841
>get a long sleeve shirt for working in 40C weather outside and work another 13-15hr shift
That is utter fucking hellfire holy shit. At that point I'd just not hide the cuts honestly, screw what others think, unless it gets you into trouble. Or at least get a bandage and say you had an accident. Also make sure to drink water like an ox anon.
Please make sure to care for the wound properly and disinfect, it's not the end of the world and if it helps you when nothing else does, then its ok.
>I can't bring myself to actually believe that they're just humouring me
That's rough, I think it goes without saying that these thoughts are irrational. You seem like a really fun guy, I doubt they would harbour some hidden resentment for you. You'll be back home in no time, your gf appreciates the work you put in, im sure of it ^^
Also, if you work construction or something similiar, doesn't 40 degree weather mean you should only work at night?

Hey folks.
For some reason I passed differential equations. With a fucking 5. But passed none the less.
I guess my differential equations professor truly is a great dude who wanted me to pass, since a anything below 5 would mean I'd fail.
Still, shit grade. And she still hates me and I still failed probability.

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>>78183841
> Be a whore and make bank anon.
> But if you look into OF content, I think it's like 95% of >>78183841
> Be a whore and make bank anon.
>>78183841
> Be a whore and make bank anon.
> But if you look into OF content, I think it's like 95% of creators make less then 100$ a month. Why even post to begin with, porn is a disgusting vice, on top of that, why would I give into something I hate? Doesn't really make sense_ seems you have some weird tranny fetish if anything

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I finally bought New Vegas. Am I a tgirl now?

>>78185163
>I finally bought New Vegas. Am I a tgirl now?
You need to play TF2 ontop of that

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Hi all o/
How are you doin?

>>78180083
>very stormy, but i like the rain :>
nice :D
here it's been warm and dry now

>>78183854
sorry anon, nope
>not sure if that's just placebo
well, who cares as long as it works

>>78184535
Hi saka
>passed differential equations. With a fucking 5.
yay :D
Good job fren
it's not all bad

>>78185163
Hello
enjoy the game c:

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>>78184535
Hey Saka, good job ^^
It's not all that bad
>>78185500
Hi catt!!
I'm doing ok, just chilling, But its so hot in here and i'm kinda tipsy and caked in sweat
Gonna draw all evening. How about you? Anything cool happen today?

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>>78185835
Heyo DM!
I'm happy to hear you're doing okay
>its so hot in here and i'm kinda tipsy and caked in sweat
maybe you could take a cold shower, it'll even sober u up a little
>Gonna draw all evening.
fun !! :D
are you gonna show us your doodles?
>How about you? Anything cool happen today?
I'm good
I was on a little bike ride and now I'm planning a special mode in Cry of Fear

Sup guys, how we doing?
My sleep schedule is so fucked, but I'm gonna finish one of my art pieces today and I can't wait to share it with yall!
>>78184535
>For some reason I passed differential equations

Nicee, atleast you passed! Classes are though, but I;m glad you're getting through them like a champ.
>>78185500
Hey cat! Doing pretty good! My new job is doing really well! Things really do get better, its crazy how hopeless I used to feel just a couple months ago and a decent income coming in gives me alot of peace!

>here it's been warm and dry now

What region do you live in? I'm near the southern parts of the US and its been nothing but a moist hell.
>>78185835
>Gonna draw all evening
Hey DM! I'm probably going to do the same. Are you gonna share what you draw?

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Hey y'all. I love being cozy.

>>78181373
>Hey gatorbro
Hello dm :)
>have a good sleep friend :>
Thanks it was nice.

>>78183378
Morning. I'm doing pretty good. How about you?

>>78184535
Hey Saka.
>But passed none the less.
Your very smart, I knew you would pass.

>>78185163
New Vegas is a very good game. I tried it a couple months ago it was really fun, I never beat it though. I hope you have fun.

>>78185500
Hello cat.
>How are you doin?
I'm good but also a little mad.

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>>78186487
>are you gonna show us your doodles?
Here's some random sketching I did just now :P
>I'm good
Awesome :>
> planning a special mode in Cry of Fear
Ooh I love CoF, never actually beat it tho. What's the special mode? Is it like the weird community maps tab or are you doing the main campaign?

>>78186544
Here it is, now your turn >:)

>>78186556
<3

I just found out people in my hometown are spreading rumors about my previous hospitalization and alleged insanity. I come from a backwater shithole so our understanding of mental illness boils down to the village looney who screams at cars
Unpleasant, but fuck them, it's all moms and grandmas. There's nothing to do except drink, gossip, beat their kids and hang themselves every now and then

>>78187027
>Here it is
I love your style! Kind of looks like it could fit into a dystopian sort of world!

>, now your turn >:)

Give me a minute lol, I'll probably be done in a couple of hours

>ur understanding of mental illness boils down to the village looney who screams at cars

Yeah the really sucks, I can tell this is some small town in the middle of nowhere, it sucks just how ignorant they can be about mental health and all. Just don't let it get to you, their rumors are just plain ignorance

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>>78186544
>one of my art pieces
show show
>pretty good! My new job is doing really well
I'm very glad to hear that
jobs are ready scary
>What region do you live in?
poland
my area usually is pretty dry and storms with thunder are rare
though this summer they've happened pretty often

>>78186556
Hi Ali :D
>I'm good but also a little mad.
that's okay
why mad??

>>78187027
>some random sketching
They look sick!!
can I download?
if I make a city map is something like that I'll edit it to look like graffiti and place it somwhere in the map
>Awesome :>
thanks for caring
>never actually beat it tho.
whyy? too scary? >:3
>special mode?
I'm tried beating the doctor's story
You get only one life, no saves no healing and little ammo
I failed, I'll try again tomorrow

>>78187118
>in my hometown are spreading rumors about
they're stupid >:c
>all moms and grandmas
lol classic

>can't think of a place here that wouldn't be boring.
went to fantasialand was ok ig, when the caffeine worn off it was just another task. draining. i dont know man, i dont know why i cant have fun like everyone else

saw a dude geeking really fucking hard when he was sitting down on one of the rides

>^ you can get those vapes without nicotine, by the way.
yeah but then whats the point. damaging my lungs for nothing?

>hadn't have a bath in a long time, either. i always enjoyed it, but the shower/tub-combo got replaced by a bigger shower at some point. :/
same here

> always good to see you, dude. :>
same, feels kinda like a lame response. back home, tired. i do like to talk here with you guys even if a lot of it is me complaining

>>>78176738
>whatch out with that crap
man im a lowlife bottomfeeder druggie that cuts himself, nicotine is the least of my worries

>sorry to hear that
its typical night, had have will have a lotta more of those and im still around

> you've been here for a long time
yeah, i guess i got nowhere else to be. hope my bs isnt too exausting

feel kinda empty rightnow, liltle wiff of sorrow and regret. usual. gonna sleep now, ..again. dont like just dropping this shit and leaving, idk. sometimes i get this scared or nervous feeling when i go and look on responses on my posts here. i dont wanna be negative all the time. i dont know, negatives kinda all i have now. again, i appreciate everyone putting up with my deppresing bullshit

bumpzjsvs8

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>>78187696
>show show

aa dude i love to, but im almost done!! Give me like 1 hour!! In the mean time, ill shouw you one of my favorite layers!

>>78186556
im alright. a little tired but yeah.

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Goin to slleep
goodnight all

>>78187814
>nicotine is the least of my worries
you say that but it can and get worse
it's a bottomless pit
>hope my bs isnt too exausting
nope
it's not you're here ^^

>>78188481
it looks super cool even if it's just a layer

>>78188510
Hi gal
nta but it's nice to know you're okay
tomorrow's friday and then weekend:D

>>78188622
not for me its still wednesday. but my doc appointment went well. she said that the lump shouldnt be serious but theyll do some testing.

>>78188696
oh nvm I mixed up the days I'm to sleepy it seems D;
I'm sorry

>>78188719
Aww man :<
Gn cat

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it was my moms birthday today, so i drank a little too much. love you guys. hope you're having a good day. and happy birthday napanon! hope you enjoyed your day!

>>78181373
I'm am religious, so I am abstinent. I really don't care about sex, like yheah its cool but I don't obsess over it like everyone else on this board. Additionally, I don't care if non-religious people sin ,but when they spread degeneracy, and on top of that profit exuberant amounts, it just strikes me the wrong way. Also, I don't think it's work, it provided nothing except for temporary useless and hallow pleasure, and feelings of regret and inadequacies for a much, MUCH longer time. Its like saying a meth dealer is just "working" providing a life and family destroying substance to willing adults, its not work, its exploitation on whose who receive AND provide in my opinion.

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>>78184998
What I was saying is they should give sw a try and see how easy it is lmao. Grindr + p2p is right there and there's more then enough desperate chuds willing to pay

>>78184408
>not wear one
Yeah that's the usual play, I don't have fresh stuff on my arms but scars aplenty that have healed over. The usual fit is a long black tank + safety vest with pockets + leggings and all that, but my legs aren't cutting it compared to my arms. Usually the arms are a fall/spring/winter affair :/
>hydration
Oh don't worry I'm cranking electrolytes into my system and chugging water like a mfer. An easy way to watch hydration is how often you piss, if it's not happening every hour or two you're not drinking enough! Heat management also helps and sunscreen is fucking amazing ngl
>resentment
Yeah that's what I keep telling myself. And desu, everyone on the crew is going through it rn so I logically know it's irrational. But that doesn't help my brain from doing a good ol spiral y'know?
>Buddy's gf got into an accident and doesn't remember him
>girl was so tired she crashed her car today
> bipolar cowboy is barely holding on and almost gets thrown off site
>I'm busy hurting myself and trying to pretend I'm ok
Crazy ex is calling the cops on butch mcgee
> literally getting surgery for ovarian cancer next week but is pretending she's tough shit
>literally a refugee while his country is being invaded by Russians
> freaking out that she can't have kids and is sobbing in the truck

We're all kinda fucked
>night work
We are lol, the issue is when we meet and do setup it starts at 40 but slowly goes down from there. Meet at 430, setup for 530, lights killed and on the road for 6, off at 6, cleaned up by 7 :P

But thankfully I'm not out all day in this shit, that would suuuuuck
>>78187118
This is why I'm glad I moved away, yeah they'll run their mouths but like at least it's not directly impact you. Miss the town, do not miss the game of fucking telephone

Try and get out :(

Idk I'm feeling a bit less miserable today.
>>78185500
>>78185835
>>78186544
>>78186556
Thanks folks

helo yet again
hope you guys are doing ok
my mood is really shitty so i dont much want to even look at the thread
good news im going to my village in 2 days to get away from this hellhole
(i will go insane after having to look after a bunch of 14 year oldd girls but it will be fine)
right now im ddead set on going to a psychiatrist to gget checked out but i will have to wait to get thebudget, i hgope i will still want to once i hve the budget
also in 10 ddays i will know what university i got into
either the national and kapodistrian univeristy (i will have to fuck it we ball for 4 years to finish it) or the university of peireus (idk if it will be worse or better)
anyway enough about me i just want to know you guys that i appreciate you being here
also sakamoto want it or not you WILL get better

>>78188905
happy birthday!
may she live long
also for you napanon too may you also live long
didnt know it was now
>>78189054
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
A WOMAN

worst jumpscare of my life

bumpothrhopr

bumslkenwbshs2

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POV ur working on a lil mountain road off a highway

>>78189712
Oooh exciting, but word of warning from someone that dropped out due to unmanaged bullshit and stress: try and get to that psych sooner rather then later. :(

Also have fun with the girls, sounds like babysitting is going to be a mess lolol

>>78189712
Had to spoiler because I'm ugly as fuck and yeahhhhhhh

>>78190364
Blumpblippitybumpjshsbshsbs

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>>78188622
>>78187027
I forgot to share it.. sorry!!
Hope you see it in the morning!

FULL RES VERSION (It might take a minute to load)

>https://files.catbox.moe/92sz4f.png

>

>>78191428
Oh shit cool, we got some wizard battle shit going down in the thread. Is there any backstory to the characters or smth?

>>78191659
There is alot of lore, I've jus been daydreaming about it for almost 3 and a half years, and I'm really motivated to make it into some form of media (Most likely a video game.) Guy in the middle is one of the villains, while the purple guy is a farmer who the villain used to open a portal. Its really complex and desu Idk where I'd begin with it.

hey fellas its me the sick guy hanging around the other day, just wanted to share that im finally on the upswing and i can breathe through one of my nostrils again. (it whistles a little but still counts imo)
oh yeah and i did a total retard move yesterday (tuesday) in which i think i overdosed on pseudoephedrine. (ingredient in the mucinex flavor i was taking)
just pulled up this page https://www.healthline.com/health/allergies/sudafed#warnings and its like yea thats what i was feeling
>fast heart rate
>dizziness
>anxiety or restlessness
>increased blood pressure (likely without symptoms)
>seizures
now thankfully it wasnt rough enough that i had any seizures but due to pre-existing high blood pressure due to being a fat fuck, the blood pressure very much had an effect on me, which involved a constant feeling of strong nausea, feeling like im melting/on fire, and sinking into the floor
flagged down someone which made a call and got me wheeled over to the campus nerds, i was asked if i needed to go there or the hospital, but its like man i only feel like im dying ill probably survive
for some reason when i got there i was just asked a bunch of questions, pissed in a cup, and fed a vampire (im convinced blood letting is a legit treatment for high blood pressure now)
i felt mostly the same after the fact, and spent the rest of the day suffering
but in the evening whats kinda cool is that the suffering receded and made way for an entertaining form of being high
did not sleep until 4 am, making for a solid 22 hours of being awake
oh cool its 3 am now that means that my sleep schedule may be a little fucked
good night fellas ive got to get to my dreams of potatoes, beans, eggs, and milk

I'm drunk. Its's 5am.
Well, since she hates me, I might as well go for a drunkard female hot friend of mine. She's as miserable as me.
'morning folks

bimbbobmbmpbpbmpbpmbpmbpb

>>78187530
Thank you ^^
>Kind of looks like it could fit into a dystopian sort of world!
I actually want to do a graphic novel about a post-apocalypse where the world has been twisted into a bunch of surrealist intrusive thoughts hellscapes, with these militaristic characters surviving day-to-day. That's the elevator pitch haha
>Just don't let it get to you, their rumors are just plain ignorance
True, I find it sad for actual "crazies" that the public view it with disdain rather than sympathy or at least pity, like even if I was textbook crazy how would that make me a bad person??

>>78187696
Thank you so much cat:>
Ofcourse, I would be so stoked to see them used somewhere!! Please let me see it when you use them ^^

I haven't slept.
I'm so fucking miserable that for the night this friend of mine became my imaginary friend.
I was pausing the game (playing Yakuza LAD) all the time to talk to her. She's in my head.
I mean, she's real. She does exist. But I'm still drunk and by the time I'm writing this I haven't sleep, and I'm imagining her by my side and I'm constantly talking with her.
wtf is wrong with me.
Fuck me.
Well, I'm amazed at my ability to write properly when I'm dead drunk.
Roughly 6am rn

>>78191428
That's awesome, I love the colours

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>>78189054
Wow you're pretty anon
>An easy way to watch hydration is how often you piss,
True, that's a good rule of thumb
>We're all kinda fucked
That does sound terrible but it also sounds like a dark sitcom premise lol
Give the refugee fella my regards :(

>Try and get out :(
I did, eleven years ago luckily. And yes, im really glad it doesn't impact me anymore x_x

good morning to everyone, and happy birthday to both yuanon's mom and napanon! ( feliz cumple , amigo. te aprecio. )

>>78183854
hi! i'm Argentinian and if you're talking about the Yerba Mate i'm thinking about, i can surely say it's a slightly watered down version of coffee. you won't sleep if you drink too much, so it might help with attention since it's waking you up ever so slightly. it's not a hard rush like it is w coffee. :)

>>78190364
seems like a beautiful place you are at
the vieww must be great
>try and get to that psych sooner rather then later
soonest i can go is by october lol
so we will see
hopefully shits fine though
>babysitting is going to be a mess
since im oldder than them every time i go there i have to look after them xd
thankfully as they get older they become more managable and thankfully im not too old to be able to have fun with them
will sill be a mess though
5 annnoying girls and 2 sttray puppies tthey took in which i will most likely have tto look after xd
>spoiler because I'm ugly
nah youre fine
personally i dontt much like unnartual hair colours but its still fine

>>78192096
may you get better anon
try to be more careful with dosages next time

>>78192424
way youre going things will only get worse saka :(

I feel so lonely right now. I really want a femboy girlfriend (male).

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>>78192104
Hell yeah, might as well make some mistakes they're fun and sounds like she can match your freak
>>78192424
:(
>>78192510
Oh my god shitty construction drama sitcom would be kinda fucking funny ngl.

Todays episode: the last roller we were using blew a hydraulic line and was pissing fluid all over the asphalt, nobody noticed for about 800m and now that it's _pounded into_ the asphalt we're probably going to have to tear up all the work we spent the last few days doing and it's a somewhere between 500-700k fuckup lol. That and half the boys are back on the blowcaine and the other half are trying to stay sober and safe. God I fucking love this industry

>getting out
Do you still kinda miss it? As weird as it sounds I miss the small town still life where everybody kinda knows each others stories thing I had growing up. It was cozy in the way the anonymity of a larger city doesn't afford. Or maybe it was just because I was embedded there idk.

It was a shithole that treated me like shit, but still I'm fond of it. Maybe the rose tints are on strong
>pretty
Nah, I'm mid on a good day. Currently choked that I couldn't get my hair cut/coloured because of this fucking job and more importantly Butch McGee is rocking the cut I want and now people will laugh at me copying her hair FUCJ

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>has simped for you guys for nearly a year now
>still no femboy girlfriend (male)
/cut/ has fallen, Billions of femboys have to headpated.

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>>78194042
>>78193878
Literally just go install Grindr and don't be a weird chaser. Call him she/her or whatever and get that bussy king. Unless you mean chronically online r9k browsing losergf then you'll have a much harder time (because you both need to leave the house)
>>78193276
>beautiful
This is one of my more fav photos, was one of my first jobs and made me realize maybe standing around smoking on the side of a mountain beats a office
(We don't talk about the mini cones, LCT was a bit of a goober)
>hair
I drive a ridiculous car so it kind of works even though it's mostly stuffed under a toque. This works a HELL of a lot better then purple on me, but isn't the best blue I've had.

Also that weekend sounds adorable, would kill to wrangle a bunch of teens and strays ;-;

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Hard to work on CBT skills when psychosis symptoms are intense. Things get more intense when it gets hot outside. I am in a heatwave. I feel like a dog going insane inside a hot car. Everything is so loud.

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hey all
today's a little busy and I don't get much sleep last night so I'm feeling sleepy already

How are you all doing?

>>78194726
Oh why didn't you sleep well my precious?

>>78193955
>somewhere between 500-700k fuckup lol
Jesus what a nightmare lmao
>It was cozy in the way the anonymity of a larger city doesn't affor
Definitely. After that I never really felt at home anywhere else, and because my parents left our hometown specifically without telling anyone, they didn't even let me say goodbye to my friends because of my parents shitty spineless paranoia which fucking ruined my life and left a huge imprint on me which in conjunction with them letting the guy who raped me live with us for a week because they didn't fucking believe me singlehandedly made me the way I am. I'm so pissed at them, they were such fucking useless cowards who were never there ror me. Instead of listening to me and helping my mom would smash plates and my dad would pout like a fucking child and scream at me for disturbing our idillyc shitty life. Anyway Im not welcome there anymore because they view us as pieces of shit who left for money
>Do you still kinda miss it
I do, although I only miss the idealized childlike version of it that's in my head. A version where crime doesn't exist, the world is safe and nice and everything is new and interesting. I doubt I'd like it that much had I not been moved out after first grade.

Sorry for ranting

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Blehhhhhhhh shitty morning at work, souring my mood. Fuck both my coworkers, starting from now on died helpful Nappy: as long as no one says "Nap can you help?" I'm just gonna be doing *my* job.
My job which doesn't include getting both of them out of shitty situations they corner themselves into, oh also, if they can't understand, much less speak english that also sounds like a them issue. I'll probably feel less angry once I cool down but my point still stands, not under my name = not my problem.
Had a wonderful birthday yesterday with wifey, she cooked one of my favorites and made a sweet treat for me, and today mom and sister will be taking me for dinner at a fancy fancy place, little sister made the reservations and everything. I'm feeling pretty good on this soft patch I found myself in

bumzpsjbs6

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>>78194310
>smoking on the side of a mountain beats a office
probably does lol
much harder but the vews will have to be worth it
>but isn't the best blue I've had
why not have the bes blue youve had?
>Also that weekend sounds adorable, would kill to wrangle a bunch of teens and strays ;-;
fortunately for me it wont be a weekend, it wiill be 29 days
even though i know that all the responsibilities will fall magiically on my hands yet again
im sure it will be fun
once im there i will try to take photos of the doggies and post here, if you are here by then you will seee it most likely

i see myself doing nothing late at night so i will probably be posting here at that time (just a guess)

>>78194726
hello cat
ii hope everythings been laright
im doing just fine, moods kinda icky but objectively doing good
hbu?

>>78194940
heyaa napanon
enjoy your time with them :>
soundss like you will have a really good time


>picrel is a bird that was BEGGING me to take a photo of it
near the harbour at parikia, paros. and surprisingly in clour

bumpfsdgher

>>78194940
Calm down femboy. Anger can prematurely age you.

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>>78192433
>That's awesome
Thanks DM!
>That's awesome
I've been noticing that alot of people have been creating new worlds and stories recently, I made mine because of how lonely I used to be, and maybe nowadays, with people being more lonely than ever, more stories are betting made.
>>78194726
Hi cat! Sorry you're feeling tired :< I'm doing good, just remember I have to go to some random museum for a random art history class I'm taking. Art is for losers anyways, anyone who draws is probably a massive idiot, and I DONT WANT TO SEE IT!!!! >:(((

>>78194940
>not under my name = not my problem.
I don't know why most jobs expect you to do everything under the sun, either by coworkers or managers. It so annoying, especially for meager pay.
>Had a wonderful birthday yesterday with wifey,
Thats sweet! I'm happy for you!

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>>78194726
Hey cat, sorry to hear that :/
Too hot out? I usually can't sleep well during summer at all
That gif is so adorable ;_;

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>>78194923
Hi anon
I had wake up early and so I went to sleep earlier and I usually to to sleep pretty late and I couldn't fall asleep

>>78194940
Hey napanon :3
HAPPY BIRTHDAYYY!!!!!! (a little late sry but you weren't here yesterday)
>>78194940
>Fuck both my coworkers
grrrr >:3
peaky coworkers
>not under my name = not my problem.
understandable
they should bother someone else
>wonderful birthday yesterday
yayy
have a nice fancy dinner!

>>78196024
Hello
>hope everythings been laright
yes it's okay
just sleepy
I'll sleep early today I think
>moods kinda icky but objectively doing good
oh man
at least it's objectively good

>>78196899
Hi Irkador
don't worry I'm okay
I'll make sure to get lost of sleep tonight
>have to go to some random museum for a random art history class
sounds like an inconvenience
but maybe it won't be that bad

>>78197057
Hello DM
>Too hot out?
nope
just had to wake up early and I usually sleep late
>can't sleep well during summer
the best trick for that is to not try to sleep
put on a movie and sip some water and you'll get sleepy eventually
>That gif is so adorable ;_;
yes
very cute :3
How are you today dm?

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>>78194348
Hey anon, get yourself a fan if you can, and try to keep a draft going through your room, it really helps. What kind of psychosis symptoms are you experiencing?

>>78194940
Happy birthday Nap ^^ I'm really glad to hear you're doing well

>>78196024
Hey sis, cute birdie. Very photogenic indeed.

>>78196899
>maybe nowadays, with people being more lonely than ever, more stories are betting made
True, I think lockdown really spawned a lot of passion projects. I've been daydreaming a really elaborate world for years now and recently, just as I start to really work on it I see a bunch of others doing the same lol

>>78197617
>put on a movie and sip some water and you'll get sleepy eventually
Thanks for the tip, that's helpful
>How are you today dm?
I'm doing pretty ok, called in sick, slept pretty well, got my meds from a pharmacy. Currently playing through Madness Project Nexus on the highest difficulty. How was your Cry of Fear run btw?

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>>78189712
>>78192800
thanks, guys. :>

hey everyone! how's it going? i just spend today with some friends and did a little hobbying this evening. very quiet day.

bumpzjsvsb

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>>78197857
>helpful
well, we don't know yet if it'll help you
hopefully it will
>I'm doing pretty ok, called in sick
that's good
qt least you could relax today
>How was your Cry of Fear run btw?
I beat it today but got a D
I'll try to do better maybe tomorrow

>>78197999
Hii yuanon
nice trips
and happy birthday to joe :D
>spend today with some friends and did a little hobbying
sounds like a nice day ^^

>>78197999
That's nice, happy birthday to your mom :)

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I'm going to sleep, I need to fix my sleep schedule. Last night I fell asleep mid captcha
Goodnight everyone <3

>>78198872
Goodnight DM ^^

>>78197617
>but maybe it won't be that bad

It was actually pretty nice, I ate at some asain restuarnt within walking distance and it was peaceful. Then I got home, cleanout my pool, went inside and got asked about alot of questions that stressed me out from my mom, and my dad threw all my dirty laundry all over my pc. So the entire day went to waste, I was so happy and peaceful until I got home. I dont know why they expect me to be so respectful and shit when they treat me like a damn maid in this house, I don't even remember the last time they said anything positive, like a good night, or a thank you, or anything. :( Can't wait to move out and never have to speak with them again...
>>78197857
>I've been daydreaming a really elaborate world for years now and recently, just as I start to really work on it I see a bunch of others doing the same lol

That's awesome, I've been seeing quite a few people making their stories into reality. Do you get really attached to you characters, I do, I even had this one scene where one of my characters dies and it almost made me tear up.
>>78198872
Goodnight bro!

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I'm sleepy
my final message, goodnight

>>78199162
>was actually pretty nice,
yay
>Can't wait to move out and never have to speak with them again...
hopefully it happens soon

>>78199248
Good night cat!!

>>78197617
>at least it's objectively good
things will go better no mattter how shitty my mood gets which is annoying but reliving
trying to figure thiiings out in a way
>>78197999
heya yuanon
went out wiith my dad today and drank a guiness
then realised forgot to get food at like 2 am lol
guiness my favourte supper

fuck i need to learn how to hide my emotions better
2 of my friends realised something was wrong(and im grateful) but this time i didnt even attempt to do anything to hide them
next time ii will to see if they will be able to tell


gn now

>>78201164
Why the fuck would you hide them, friends are for support you dumbass.

I don't wanna go to the psychiatrist and I don't wanna take my medications, damn it.
And my parents keep telling me I'm making a mistake. Well guess what, THEY made a mistake and the mistake is me.
Fucking hell, my day is ruined.
>>78193276
It's not as if things would get better otherwise.
>>78193955
This probably isn't gonna work.
I'll never have a girlfriend, it's time for me to accept that.

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>>78196024
Thank you so much sissss I love hearing from you my Greek brother~ much love, had lots of fun and laughs, they gifted me some very nice perfumes and a very VERY nice 2000 piece puzzle c:
I hope you sleep well buddy
Also that's such a nice pic you took!! and such an interesting bird too, absolutely lovely
>>78196486
[LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER]
hatred keeps me alive, yummy yummy aggression taking out my anger on poor idiots c:
>>78196899
Hiiii Irkky~
Thinks improved throughout the day at the office at least but yeah nah fuck them, not my problem not at all!
>>78197617
Catto!!!! thanks a bunch!! really means a lot and. it worry about it being belated, I understand so don't worry
>grrrr >:3
grrrrr indeed :< scratch them catto, hiss and scratch at them!!!
Fancy dinner was super nice! never had truffles before and the taste was super interesting. Will probably never order it again but it was a nice experience lololol
>>78197857
>Happy birthday Nap ^^ I'm really glad to hear you're doing well
Thank you so much DM, much love to you too, even if we don't speak much I want to let you know I love the pics you post! really obsessed with them!!!

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POV: Everything's fucked but your crews setting cones and left you behind while they set up the zone. I love feeling kinda useless ngl, I know how to do my job I stg. But if a barrel truck is full, a barrel truck is full.

I'm good at my job, if I wasn't I wouldn't be with this crew rn. We actually are kicking off two flaggers and replacing them this week, that's more on dispatch sending us useless inexperienced twats that can't hack it with a paving crew this abusive

Tbh, watching my super getting constantly thrown back to being a 5yo with her dad screaming at her when some coked out paver is yelling at her is wild. I fucking hate this paving crew, at least the flaggers got each other idk
>>78194923
You're ok, it's weird to realize the town you idealize a bit doesn't exist anywhere except in your head tho.

I'm glad you got out anon
>>78196024
I've just had better dye jobs and the sun abstdestroys the colour. That photo was from a few weeks ago and the roots/UV bleaching is real and grungy. I guess it fits though, everything about working with pavers is fucking grungy
>>78197999
Health and Safety from the mainland showed up today, which is fucking weird they didn't send the interior H+S. LCS was giving her the run down on the site and poor woman looks like she's about to freak.

Past that, found a reserve out near Creston and got a bunch of smokes because it was a later start for our crew today, now it's time for the night shift baybeeeeee
>>78201373
I love that they get salty when you try to remove yourself from the equation too. Like my sister in Christ, YOURE the two mentally ill fuckasses that decided to bring life into this world with
>never have a gf
Why not, women are easy and you just gotta find someone broken in the right ways to match your freak. She's out there anon

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>>78201482
Wait wrong fucking image. Chillin in the work truck at the timmy hoooooooooes

>>78201482
>Why not, women are easy and you just gotta find someone broken in the right ways to match your freak. She's out there anon
Maybe someday I'll find her.
I mean, there's this friend of mine, she's as miserable and as fucked up as I am.
But I don't see this going anywhere. Maybe this is relevant info, but she had a crush on me back in high school.
And btw, if you don't mind me asking, are you a woman?

bumpbpmbpmbpmb

>>78202310
The bumpanon is always around 'ere, but we never talk to him.
How are you doing lad? I guess we're alone here, everyone's gone to sleep already.
Yeah, I'm half drunk.

Dude, this boss fight is hard. I'm getting my ass beaten hard.

Whatever, I'm still a cigarette stinking piece of crap. She hates me.

Why do this to yourself

Why don't you hurt yourself doing something cool instead of this dumb shit

>>78202422
Hello anon.
Fuck you.

It's kind of refreshing to see a place where people are so vulnerable with each other. Everyone is so nice here, but it still doesn't really feel fake or anything.
I just wish that we could all be happy someday...

>>78202497
>I just wish that we could all be happy someday...
Maybe you and the folks here will.
I won't.

>>78202503
It's not a competion. You're not being reasonable with yourself. Would you speak that way about someone you loved? I really wish I could hug you right now

>>78202535
>I really wish I could hug you right now
Anon, thank you.
I stink, I'm ugly, she hates me, my grades are terrible, I failed a subject... But reading this does make my night a bit better.
I'm sure if you saw me irl you wouldn't wanna hug me, but thank you.
I'm just tired of being a miserable cunt.

>>78202567
>But reading this does make my night a bit better.
Aww. Thank you
I've been regularly stuck in your terrible hole of self loathing and self deprecation for years, so I know from experience that there's not much I could do to make you feel good about yourself. Your post particularly hurts because it really sounds like something I could've written myself, just by the phrasing alone. I don't care if you're a miserable cunt or whatever, you deserve love just like everyone else does. I just can't believe your words, sorry

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>>78202162
Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. All you can really do is explore it and see where it goes y'know? Beats never knowing what would happen and being stuck with what-ifs imo
>are you a woman
If you ask my girlfriend, yeah. I've got my issue with the label but I'm definitely a dyke.
>>78202422
Maybe because it breaks up the numbness of it all? It calms you down? Idk
>>78202497
I think about this a lot weirdly. My generation/environment growing up absolutely stifled actually sharing your experiences and being vulnerable to a fault. And because of it there's a generation of emotionally stunted men. From what I can tell the kids have their own issues, but are doing much better in that regard.

It takes strength to actually be vulnerable, being guarded and shutting that shit down is the real pussy shit.
>>78202567
Nah fuck off, everyone needs a hug :P

Okay, alcohol, and I'm almost crying. Really. Idk what's wrong with me, but I wish I had a girl who loved me. Unfortunately, that lass from uni hates me, whatever.
I need more alcohol
>>78202627
I've been like this since around 2020. Since then, it's been always deeper into the hole of self loath and mental illness.
I won't get better, and by now I'm giving up.
But it's nice seeing people like you. Reading your replies to my posts, I'm a bit happier.
By now I'm sinking myself in alcohol.
I can see you are a good person. Please, don't ever stop being like this.
Thank you for the kind words. I truly appreciate it.
People often don't like me and no woman will ever want me around, but I feel better after reading what you write. Thank you.
>>78202654
If I am to find a woman for me, she needs to be as fucked up as me or even more.
Because that girl from uni, well she'll never want me around her. She is as pure as it gets. And I'm a fucked up cunt. She's beautiful and smart, but I'm so fucked up that I don't stand a chance.
But whatever, if I am to be single throughout all my life so be it. As long as I have alcohol, cigarettes and video games, I'll be okay I guess.
>If you ask my girlfriend, yeah. I've got my issue with the label but I'm definitely a dyke.
Well, femanon, I appreciate your responses to my posts. Having a girl telling me that I'll find a girl for me does give some hope. Thanks
>Nah fuck off, everyone needs a hug :P
Idk who'd want to hung this cigarette stinking piece of crap, but I appreciate the hugs :)

>>78202772
Thank you! I really enjoyed reading your posts, too. You're kinder than most people I know, you're not a monster. Bad people aren't as considerate as you are. Most monsters aren't as self aware as you are. You really do have a good heart, anon

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Work was weird, we never actually hit the road there was a huge safety meeting between the ministry, crew supers, H+S and a bunch of shit was addressed that we aren't privy to rn. Just spent 7h hanging with the other flaggers and the work crew while the bosses hacked it out across the lot lol. Weird day, but we're back at it tomorrow and I can use some extra sleep. Idk why but I feel a spiral coming on

>>78202772
If it makes you feel better, and as someone that's had a pile of girlfriends, friends and everything in between: good friends are almost as good as a gf, hell they're better then a shitty one.
>girl from uni
Then maybe not her, but someone else. Are you putting yourself out there? Making friends and going to house parties and shit? Seeing what the field in your area looks like? If not, get out there! Worst that happens is you meet some people, drink a bunch and hang in the smokers corner :P
>oh no girls going to love the guy reeking of darts who cuts himself and listens to whingy music
Have you even seen women? They eat that shit up lol. Lean into it if anything, and if you're down, find a bi girl to strap you into next Tuesday.

Man, you're young. You got a lot of years between here and there. Fuck around and make some mistakes, you'll learn yourself better because of it!

And now I'm missing uni, it seems so fucking long ago. It's weird to be on the other side of the milfy train, older women were my poison (they still are) but now I'm up to my ankles in 20somethings with mommy issues and most of the older ones are paired off. :(

An old butch told me a long time ago after rearranging my guts two nuggets of wisdom
>Treat your girlfriends friends well, when your girlfriend is your ex, those will be your girlfriends
>Strike when the irons hot, women don't stay single for long

And honestly, she was right

In spite of drinking fewer drinks a day, I see a disturbing lack of appeal to moderation. Same Sakamoto? I get so very frustrated with the stuff, complacency fuel, can't manifest my dreams because lol get sober and clean, all I do is pass out and burn cigs accrue the hatred of my flames. God I wish I were not a dolt deep down that needs it. I hate substance abuse disorder. That's the problem, I garner all types of unwanted feelings with my abuse of marijuana and alcohol. It's sad seeing people beg for rehab. It's sad I lost my wife to reefer. I want to die over it with no fluoxetine, which helps me not feel suicidal.
Something about the stalling of my relationship makes me wish that I wish I were more competent to never drink again. That way I could be loved by the one. But again, trauma science dictates that I game and eat that I'm an unlovable ugly bearded man with a foxy little limerent object that doesn't want me. Which I struggle with. What an unpleasant feel. I'm stupid and a handful of weird affairs are conducted out of pity, and I am granted my comfort, but I am further from what I dreamed of growing up than ever. I repress the facts that get me to cut because they are evidence of dream denial. I need therapy again over how all this feels pointless and stupid when I get back in the loop to learn that I'm being nixed, tricked and trolled. I only wish she hadn't given me something in the way. Hell, I feel like had I not been given surgery, I could be okay for her. But it's like she says, I'm a trick not a husband. A gay trick. Stupid little dreams that they throw away so easily at cost they say. The terror... I will also grin and bear my burden without it, drunk, knowing full on that she's wanting me to clean up my act or never. Ugh. I wish it were high on my priorities to get clean but I'm just an addict. I can't even be a monkey wrench she said. I'll chin up and smoke out but I will never be happy with the outcome of an alcoholic, which is me and I am. Wah.

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recently realized that i dont actually need any professional help, simply because im tired of taking care of myself and only want things to get worse.
i stopped talking with a lot of people online, including ones i've known for a very long time, and my social circle online is very small right now. because of my actions, i only make things worse for people around me. recently found out i ruined a day of a person that i really care about because of my shitty behavior and constant urges to start talking about things such as wanting to hurt myself and etc.
at the current moment, im really afraid to talk about myself and my problems, and constantly try to laugh it off whenever someone asks me how i feel these days.
recently had a dream that my mom started texting me because of the scars she noticed, i was really embarrassed and i just started crying very hard, not wanting to see her at all. i feel like this might happen to me in real life if she ever finds out what i do to myself.
im really sorry for this ramble, but i've had these thoughts for quite a long time, and i wanted to scream into the void about them

Sorry folks, I'll attend to your posts after sleep. I'm dead drunk.
You're all precious people. May you all have a blessed and prosperous life.
rn I just wish I had a female company.
>>78203062
>Same Sakamoto?
I'm drunk

Saeko-san, I know you aren't real, I know you're just pixels in my monitor screen, but please keep me company for the night.
No woman will ever want to be near me.
You are the only woman who'd have no problem in keeping me company.
So, Saeko-san, please keep me company for the night. I appreciate it, Saeko-san

bunperinooosnabava

>play with my cat
>about ehhh 5 months ago
>i dont even remember why, just some sense of normalcy ig. I was cutting for like 4 years and finally stopped but broke a year long streak
>not being able to talk to my ex cuz im retarded

bathed my dog
will come back later i hope
>>78201335
to see how good i can get at it really
>>78201376
>very nice perfumes
ii remembered a friend gifted me a perfume when i was in like 6th grade
i have yet to use it
lol
enjoy your puzzle :>
>>78201482
>and the sun abstdestroys the colour
well you could get around that by just not dying your hair yeah?
how come you work as a paver? i never expected a woman to do any job like that
>women are easy
you say that cause you know how you work lol
my friend's gf hates other women lol
>>78201493
wish i could just go for walk at those woods
>AW00
nice cpatch lol
awooooooooooo

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>>78203062
Hey, I know there's a lot going on in here but how did you lose your wife to reefer? Like did she just become a pancake or was it an accident? You speak of dreams and facts, what dreams what facts? I have so many questions lol especially about the gay trick part.

Either way anon, I hope you find a way to work through it and accept those truths, and move past them to the next things. However hard that is :>
>>78203078
Fucking felt, it's wild how used to dealing with these thoughts we get that it's easy to forget just how much it affects everyone around us. I'm floating around shedtwt and my brains spinning circles about calories, BMR, self hatred, my body and it just kinda comes out. Like my ex was talking about their hemoglobin levels changing after they transitioned on me and I brought up some other weird shit I picked up from trans guys over there before they hit me with this a few messages in. It's not the first time, and it won't be the last and I fucking hate that we've gotten to the point where it's a hard boundary :(

Your mother doesn't know? :( That's sad anon, you should be able to lean on your mother and get support from her. As embarrassing as it is, she probably doesn't want to see her kid hurting you know? (Unless she's a pos but that's another story)
>>78203720
Why can't you talk to you ex? Brain just being a fuck?

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>>78204281
Yeah I could, but I really don't like my natural hair colour. Besides the bright colours are kinda fun and if you're having a rough night bleaching/dying your hair instead of sh'ing or whatever else is a whole vibe. Reds are pretty meh on me, Purple is absolutely ridiculous unless it's very muted, but this blue seems to be the play for the last few months. Give me another breakdown and we'll see how a teal/blue works
>paver
I do traffic control, I couldn't deal with paving crews all day and most flaggers hate dealing with pavers lol. But it's LOA season and dispatch asked me if I wanted to go fuck around near Castlegar for a few days so I went out. Really wish they would have given me a heads up that I could be staying for a few weeks, but eh. Moneys good and not like I have much free time to kill anyway.

Got into it as a stopgap while trying to figure out my next move after this girl I was seeing suggested it, turns out I actually enjoy it, even if it's pissing rain, snow or I'm halfway up a mountain. There's a ton of variety to the jobs we do, the crews we keep safe and no two days are the same. It's kinda nice like that

Also there are a ridiculous number of gay women in the trades, and I'm always working with different crews, and the fresh meat around site so you bet your ass I'm bagging numbers and it's a hell of a job perk. That's why I stay ^^;
>how they work
Nah, it's not even that. Maybe it's the gay blinders but women just have so much more depth to them compared to most men I've seen, I don't know how else to describe it? But your gfs right, these women are viscous and will absolutely tear your heart apart if you let them (and thank fucking god for that).

Also mountains are cool but FUCK driving them in the winter worst bullshit ever jfc

morning everyone! Mr. Galaxy here to ask how are you all doing today? do you need to talk about anything? if so, im here for you. love you all :3

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Heyo
I'm having a good day today
idk if anyone cares but
some used pedals bought came today
I'm in a garage opening them up and cleaning them and greasing them
From what I can see the last owner tried to service them himself and he's done a horrible job
I really can't believe how wrongly they were assembled, luckily nothing is broken or really worn out

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>>78204469
>it's wild how used to dealing with these thoughts we get that it's easy to forget just how much it affects everyone around us.
yeah, i really hate this too. it looks really selfish, but i always try to think about the consequences of my words before i eventually tell something to someone.
>I'm floating around shedtwt and my brains spinning circles about calories, BMR, self hatred, my body and it just kinda comes out.
please, get out of this side of twitter. nobody in places like these really wants to self improve, and all they do is glorify self harm and starvation, so it's best to not appear there at all.
>before they hit me with this a few messages in.
damn, i feel you there. sometimes it's really hard to know when its best to shut up >->
>Your mother doesn't know? :( That's sad anon, you should be able to lean on your mother and get support from her.
no. she's currently physically suffering, and im trying to help her as much as i can. i wont be able to talk about my problems with her because im afraid she will get disappointed in me or maybe something even worse

>>78204874
glad you're having a good day! always a nice feeling having something you enjoy and look forward to working on

>>78188622
>you say that but it can and get worse
it's a bottomless pit
i know i know, but if i really cared about my health i wouldnt do drugs in the first place

___

i almost OD last night, did odsmt i was nodding HARD, if i had took one more hit that would have been it man, thats what i get for doing opiates without a scale ig
i can still feel the odsmt the only reason i wasnt nodding out at dinner is because of the 600mg of caffeine, drinking that also made me throw up and burp at the same time
i also forgot odsmt has the paradoxical effect of being stimulating and sedating at the same time, so i havent slept. ive experienced a lotta lows but physically this morning was a new one, felt really like a junk fuck sitting there on the floor
i took 15mg of 4fmph a rilatin analog 30 minutes ago, feeling somewhat better
i have work soon, i hate myself

>>78205344
things sound different, im hearing and seeing things that arent there my hands are shaking

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>>78204979
My issue is I'm a certified yapper, and that usually bites me in the ass. But re: Twitter, you're not wrong it's a toxic cesspool of get worse and certified cringe, but it's a community where you can talk about shit openly which is nice. That being said if I see another mfer going off about aesthetic Japanese eyebrow razors I'm gonna shit.
>mom
I mean probably, but her kid hurting isn't something that can be easily hid y'know? She raised you for enough years, I'd like to think she can read you like a book.

Take care of her as best you can anon :(
>>78205344
>cares about my health
Homeboy, nothing about a fucking opioid addiction (assuming here) is a choice and kicking that shit isn't easy and requires tons of time. But 30min to work? You're made of stronger shit then I am gd.
>felt like a junk fuck
Trying not to nod and failing in public situations was what always hit that feel for me. Like at least if I'm functional I could gaslight myself that it's not that big of a problem even though I'm railing hydro in the bathroom, y'know?
>>78205458
You're mixing uppers and downers bro, any chance of taking a sick day and trying to sleep it off? :(

Bummperrrs

>>78206655
double dubs bump :D

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>>78204642
>don't like my natural hair colour
fair then
>I do traffic control
ah!
sounds like an interesting enough job to have
as long as you enjoy it ig
>women just have so much more depth to them compared to most men
press [X] to doubt
i personally have yet to meet a girl thats anything other than the "any woman born after 1990 cant do shit" meme
guess this is also highly regional and depends on the age group though
>will absolutely tear your heart apart if you let them (and thank fucking god for that).
anon (trafficanon?) the fuck are you talking about
>FUCK driving them in the winter

if you have a suitable car to drive onb them its fine in my experience (as a passanger)

>>78204874
heya cat
good to hear youre doing good today


>picrel is naousa, paros. also a bit overexposed xd

i got an odd scratch on the left side of my right leg

i dont even know how i got it xd
also bump ig

bummposheve4

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Hi all

>>78202772
Hi saka
>alcohol
not good :c
>uni hates me
did she tell you that?
>need more alcohol
noo

>>78202974
Hiello anon
I like your traffic cones
>meeting
ugh
meetings..
hopefully it wasn't boring
>Just spent 7h hanging with the other flaggers
desu sounds kinda nice
>why but I feel a spiral coming on
maybe it'll a false flag

>>78203062
Hey Hunter
>I see a disturbing lack of appeal to moderatio
dang it, another one
I think maybe it's because weather you drink or not nothing really changes and it helps the time fly by

>>78203078
Hi chroma
>tired of taking care of myself and only want things to get worse.
sounds scary
but maybe professional help could help with that?
>feel like this might happen to me in real life if she ever finds out
well I suppose this dream should motivate you in some way to make do it less or hide it well
>really sorry for this ramble,
ok don't you be sorry !
it's okay :>

>>78204803
Heyo gal :3
you can read abt my day here >>78204874

>>78205058
Thank you anon
>always a nice feeling
yupp
that's why I don't mind buying cheap crap because at least then I can take my time to fix it :D

>>78205344
Hi sludge
>but if i really cared about my health
hmm I guess you're right :/
>almost OD last night
good thing you didn't

>>78206959
hello
>good to hear youre doing good today
thank you
and how are you?

bumpzksbsb4

>>78208673
i see, thats rough.im glad youre not hurt

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>>78198780
thanks, dude. (^-^)

>>78200323
hi sis! hope you were able to secure some food today. ^^ had a dark irish beer in a bar when i visited my brother in france last year. i forgot which one it was, but it was nice.

hi everyone! how are you guys doing? any plans for the weekend? i've been extremely bored the last couple of days without being able to do anything about it. feeling very lethargic at the moment.

>>78208673
hi catbro!

>>78209541
hey gal!

>>78206012
>Homeboy, nothing about a fucking opioid addiction (assuming here
i think of myself more just like a person who consumes drugs, but i guess i am a polyaddict

>But 30min to work? You're made of stronger shit then I am gd.
idk what you mean by that
i took odsmt a tramadol analog last night, took a lot didnt measure, if id had taken one more hit im certain i wouldve been dead.
then in the morning i took 600mg of caffeine so that i wasnt nodding out which made me throw up
then i took 15mg of 4fmph (rilatin analog) and after 2 hours took another 15mg and im glad i did because if i didnt i would have collapsed,
4fmph is like 3 or 4 times stronger then rilatin and i didnt even really feel it, i had that much shit in my system

>You're mixing uppers and downers bro, any chance of taking a sick day and trying to sleep it off? :(
only had to close was a real task but i did it
heard like cars and people saying my name and shadows in the corners of my eyes
keep in mind i hadnt slept or ate for atleast 12 hours

>>78208673
>good thing you didn't
eh, would be a fitting end if anything, me and my brother laughed about it

managed to eat something, heart feels weird, so does brain and body. sleeping soon

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>>78209541
oh no worries
I wasn't close to getting hurt ^^
I serviced them before putting them on a bike

>>78209751
Hii yuanon
how are you doing today??
>i've been extremely bored the last couple of days
damn
but I'm sure there is something you could do, like at least make think if some good movies and put them on
>feeling very lethargic at the moment.
hmm
when that happens I like to go on a short bike ride
maybe there's some bike sharing stuff somwhere near you?

>>78209819
>would be a fitting
dunno if it's fitting
but not super unexpected I suppose
>sleeping soon
goodnight

>>78210480
Can we kiss and hug?

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>>78209819
sleep well, sludge.

>>78210480
>how are you doing today??
i'm ok. just a little tired and bothered by the heat. what about you?

>I'm sure there is something you could do, like at least make think if some good movies and put them on
i tried to think of something, but to no avail. nothing came to mind. no anime, no stream, no movie or series. didn't even read the manga i bought last week. just don't feel like anything right now. at least it's a reasonable time to just go and lie in bed now. ^^

>I like to go on a short bike ride
maybe there's some bike sharing stuff somwhere near you?
maybe, but i i'll be going for a walk with my friends tomorrow, so that should qualify as something similar. honestly, i wouldn't even know where to go when i had access to a bike. i'm just not as adventurous as you are.

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>>78210532
no kissing! but a hug is maybe okay

>>78210624
>bothered by the heat.
oh that sucks
here the weather was actually pretty nice today
>what about you?
I did this today >>78204874
and now I'm chilling in bed
>>78210624
>tried to think of something, but to no avail.
maybe download a bunch of movies ready to go when you need them
>time to just go and lie in bed now. ^^
that's good
>going for a walk with my friends
that sounds very fun :D
>wouldn't even know where to go
well there's always forward
>i'm just not as adventurous as you are.
oh I see I see

>>78209751
hallos yuan. hows yous?

>>78210480
well thats good

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>>78204874
>idk if anyone cares
I care >:((
At least you saved some money on them right? Buying stuff pre owned saves a ton of cash, but also needs fixing sometimes sadly. Hope you got it sorted out
>>78209819
Good night sludge, take it easy now
>>78210624
>at least it's a reasonable time to just go and lie in bed now
True, might steal this idea haha
>>78210729
You remind me very much of a friend of mine cat. They're always busy and active despite all odds, and they always assume the role of a parent or older sibling for friends in need. Am I mistaken, what do you think? You're a great person, just wanted to tell you

>>78204803
Hey galaxy, doing fine. How about you? ^^
Love you too btw

Fuck man i Gotta get sober, I keep hurting myself and others for no reason. Almost fucking died right there and i feel nothing. I keep doing bad things for no reason. Cant stop. All because i was bored in my teens and decided to use pshycs. Fuck man i hate myself, ive never been happy one moment of my fucking life. Started using at 15, look at where i ended up, fucking nowhere. I have destroyed the little i had because i was bored. Now i either suffer or dont feel a thing.
My existence is a net negative, shouldve never existed. Should have never chose to be me, never should have chose the things that made me, me. Should have been someone else. Can only fall deeper now. Maybe its what i deserve.
I regret everything
I should have died Yesterday

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>>78210729
>here the weather was actually pretty nice today
that's good news. here it just swings between heatwave and thunderstorms.

>I did this today
most people are unable to fold the packages we sell correctly. no wonder they can't assemble a pedal...

>download a bunch of movies ready to go when you need them
can't say i'm into movies atm and i don't really rewatch stuff. i always try but usually lose interest rather quickly. what's worth watching rn?

>that's good
it is. hope you enjoy your bed as much as i do mine. ^^

>that sounds very fun :D
just the usual round. seems they liked weighted walking idea.

>oh I see I see
yeah. i'm a guy who needs a destination or a reason to even go outside. that's why i go on jogs or walks with an exercise twist. wouldn't be able to convince myself to get out otherwise. (-_-;)

>>78210839
>hows yous?
could be better, could be worse, so i just went to bed and now i'm waiting to fall asleep. what about you? any plans for the weekend?

>>78210904
hey dm! you doing ok?

>might steal this idea haha
i usually steal it from catbro, so you know it's tried and true. enjoy. :>

>>78210965
you can always start over and we're here to support you as much as we can.

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>>78210839
yupp
How are you today galaxy?

>>78210904
>care >:((
thanks
>but also needs fixing sometimes sadly. Hope you got it sorted out
yes but I like fixing stuff :D
I rapaired them and now they're good
>They're always busy and
they sound like a good friend, I'm glad I reminded you of them
>I mistaken, what do you think?
hm idk I'm just trying to be a good friend :>
>You're a great person, just wanted to tell you
thank you a lot ^^

>>78210965
>should have died Yesterday
no
but I get why ir seems hopeless if nothing was good and seems like it won't get better any time soon

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trying to sleep now. good night!

>>78211386
goodnighty sleep tighty

bumpsjsbs s6

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ah fuck found myself on a little speed bump today, holding back tears. breathe easy, don't wanna ruin my mood and ruin everyone else's
won't let it sink me, it would sink me usually. not this once, not today
I don't wanna sing anymore

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>>78211862
Heyo o/
sorry to hear that fren
but times like that happen sometimes
You're gonna get through this and everthing is going to be fine and dandy ^^
Here a big hug

>>78211886
thanks catto, for taking the time
everything will be fine in the end you're right
much love going you way as well ^^
must be pretty late for you, so make sure you have a restful night frend!

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>>78211949
yes yes it is 2:30 here I will sleep soon dw^^
>everything will be fine in the end
yupp
maybe you should take a little nap to reset yourself?
after all you're nap anon
>much love going you way as well ^^
yay :D

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man I wish I could afford to have fake problkems like being a cutter
cant afford it, I got real life issues

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>>78206959
>women
Maybe it's a social thing, I try to treat the boys similar to women when it's safe to do so, but that safety is rare. I know tons of straight women are stupid guarded around men in a way that I don't have to be/worry about, so maybe that plays a role, idk. Ugh gender divides are a weird time
>tear your heart apart
I tried dating a few men for a short period before I figured myself out, maybe I just chose shitty men or didn't resonate with them. But they never really resonated with me or were nearly emotionally vulnerable. One was a bit better but constantly bullied by his friends over it, ironically she came out as trans lol.

Women love deeply, hate deeply and it's fucking amazing. It's like the amplitude of any emotions are cranked up to 11, but maybe I just have a thing for BPD mfers
>cars
Not wrong, problem is I drive a tiny lil car so winter is a bit of countersteering action and knowing your limits. Being lowered doesn't help either
>>78209819
>timing
Oh my bad, thought you were taking opioids before work and was fucking shocked lmao
>>78212044
You can have both anon

>>78210729
I'll gladly take a hug. Why no kissing?

i miss being in discord servers w/ mentally ill trannies that would compliment my cuts desu

>>78212333
>tfw no mentally ill tranny gf to cut with and be generally mentally unwell with
Why live

Blomperinoooooo

Somebody remind me here, what's the best OTC blood thinner

bumperinabavalch

really feeling the lack of people's enjoyment of my presence lately and it's led to me isolating myself even more, but it seems like everyone's doing fine if not better without me dragging them down so that's a net positive i think

>>78214695
I'm sure that not true anon, :< would you like to go more indepth?

>>78180083
bombpbpmbmpbpmbbmpbm

>>78214742
i always feel like i say the wrong thing or like nobody actually cares what i say, i feel like i'm annoying and burdensome and i do my best to be nice and spread kindness and be good to people but i usually just end up getting shit on

my opinions are disregarded, my attempts at conversation somehow always go sour, and i just end up with the vibe that nobody wants me around

i'm sure there's a lot of my anxiety and low self esteem wrapped up in there but i've been feeling so worthless i feel like i don't even deserve the food i would need to sustain me

i know i have people who love me, but i constantly feel like i don't have people who like me

bumpzishs2

bumpsjava2

>>78180083
>Any plans for today?
taking it easy
>When was the last time you hurt yourself?
some months ago
>Why did you hurt yourself?
stressed from exams
>Is there anything bothering you right now?
sometimes I think about how I will never be close to my crush and they like other people more than me and it makes me feel very desperate out of nowhere and I know how dumb it is to obsess and be sad over something like that and I wish I would stop but I also keep having dreams about them again lately

bumpih6

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Hi all
I'm having a good day and ir I'm making maps :3
I may to on a little bike ride later

>>78216818
what kind of maps? routes for your rides?

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>>78216924
oh no no
game maps, like game levels :>
I'm recreating my aunt's house

>>78216818
>>78217024
Hell yeah! I'd love to see em when its done. Source or Goldsource?

>>78217024
oh neat! very cute cat

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I think I'll go on a bike ride now
C ya :D

>>78217114
>love to see em when its done.
she has a pretty big house so it might take a bit but I'll make sure to show you guys
>Source or Goldsource?
in source
I kinda think I might do some more stuff in gold source because I really like the lighting there but I already know a lot about source so I don't wanna switch and learn different stuff yet

>>78217204
Thank you anon :3

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haven't been here in forever lol, relapsed. hi!

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(Don't read any of this I'm 3/4s asleep)

>>78213968
For the record: it was aspirin, thankfully the sevvy had a bunch of it, I have a six pack of white claws now, a hot date with a plate of gnocchi in the morning and a hot bath to run. I am fucking DONE with this fucking week and it's another before I'll be able to see my fucking gf again. I need an everything crash day

I never want to roll with this paving crew again. The money is good but fuck these hours and being away for this long
>>78215086
This is a whole mood. I tried something a while ago, I stopped reaching out to my friends to see what would happen and next to none of them initiated shit with me. Like am I that fucking shit that you don't want to get some plans/hangs going and just forget about me? Or am I just expected to do the legwork and that's the cornerstone of how this relationship works wtf.
>food
Everyone deserves food and friends to enjoy a meal with, it's one of the best social activities we have! :(

I was listening to a podcast forever ago while trying to get a wrangle on my own disordered eating shit, when the hosts started going off about how pwEDs will tend to forgo the social outings where food/drink is a major component because they can't tightly control it without it being awkward as fuck. So they accidentally self-isolate to protect themselves from getting hurt, and their social group falls apart :(

>>78218069
Oh yo welcome back! What triggered you to fuckin relapse lol

>>78218331
i read anyways because i'm also mostly asleep but
yeah that's kind of where i'm at, i'm sick of always reaching out and feeling like people only interact with me out of obligation, it truly feels like nobody wants to be bothered by me, so i'll give them that peace, and it seems like it really has been giving them peace

>food
eh, i don't know, i'm sure a lot of it is the ED but i've really been doubting the merit of feeding myself most days, i just don't feel like i deserve it, not even in like a calories way like it used to be, just in a "do i have enough value as a person to be worth the effort and resources of feeding myself" way

i'm definitely past accidental self isolation though desu, this is knowingly and with intent, partially to not deal with questions regarding food but for all of the reasons i listed above. i don't want to subject anyone to that, but it's not like it's much of an issue because it doesn't seem like anyone wants to spend time with me where they don't have to anyways

there's some comfort to be had in returning to giving up honestly

husnsnbump

bumzpskbevsgs8

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hey everyone! how's the weekend going? my brain is pretty fried...

>>78210965
Psychs give you schizophrenia. Just go get on a proper med and your life will come back around to good. You gotta ease off the half gal bs t. Former half gal a day alcoholic

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Hey everyone

I'm such a terrible friend, I'm so mean and always rude. I hate myself so much. All I want, is to be dead.
There's no reason for me to be alive anyways, no one would care if I died. I feel terrible right now, I may have lost my closet friend because I was so mean to him, and he's a very nice guy.

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>>78220696
hi gator! what happened? :<

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>>78218069
Heyo :D
how's it going?

>>78220262
Hey yuanon
what happened???

>>78220696
Hi ali :3
you're not a bad friend
>so mean and always rude
I doubt it
you've already been very sweet and nice here
>one would care
untrue!
we would
>lost my closet friend
what happened?

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>>78220753
hey catbro! :D

>what happened???
just a very hot and exhausting day. what about you? did you go on your bikeride?

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>>78220748
>hi gator
Hey yuanon :)
>what happened? :<
I felt really bad last night, so I was mean to my friend. I'm such a bad person.

>>78220753
>Hi ali :3
Hey cat :D
>you've already been very sweet and nice here
Well thanks. But sometimes when I feel really bad I get mean and rude.
>we would
That's very nice of you. You've always been so kind to me. It means a lot to me.
>what happened?
Basically he said if I keep doing what I did he would be forced to stop talking to me. And I was asleep we he messaged me that I responded we I woke up but he still hasn't replied, so I don't know what's happening now.

>>78220753
You are adorable and I love the way you post.

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>>78220807
>just a very hot and exhausting day. what about you?
did u yo on that walk?
>did you go on your bikeride?
yupp and it was nice
I saw a cat :3

>>78221086
>sometimes when I feel really bad I get mean and rude.
oh
maybe it'll better to not talk to people when you feel like that
>You've always been so kind to me. It means a lot to me.
you're welcome ^^
>so I don't know what's happening now.
well he wouldn't forst send a message like that an then leave
he probably just needs some time
don't worry z just try to lern from your mistakes

>>78221212
My precious :)

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>>78221086
i see. stuff like that happens. give him some time. maybe try to vent here instead of letting it out on people closer to you. we understand.

>>78221212
>did u yo on that walk?
we did, but after that we weren't able to do much else. my friends planned to play a bigger game, but thar was completely out of the question, so we just got some food, watched some vids and worked on some smaller stuff.

>yupp and it was nice I saw a cat :3
good times. :>

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>>78221212
>maybe it'll better to not talk to people when you feel like that
Yeah I won't anymore, I'll feel more lonely but it's much better then being mean to a really nice person.
>well he wouldn't forst send a message like that an then leave
I hope that's true but I replied to him hours after he said everything, so I think he may have decided that he would rather stop talking to me before I replied.
>don't worry z just try to lern from your mistakes
Yeah I'll try to. I really hate myself for what I did.

>>78221399
>give him some time.
I will, I hope he doesn't hate me now.
>maybe try to vent here instead of letting it out on people closer to you.
Yeah I really shouldn't vent or something to my friends it's selfish and mean of me to. I wish I wasn't so stupid sometimes.

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>>78221446
>I hope he doesn't hate me now.
i'm sure he'll come around.

>Yeah I really shouldn't vent or something to my friends it's selfish and mean of me to.
they are your friends. it's natural to wanna talk to them about stuff, but sometimes we get a bit too emotional. we have to understand what gets to us and try to avoid certain topics with them. so when you feel something like that creep up on you, just come here or let's talk on discord about it, ok? (^-^)

>I wish I wasn't so stupid sometimes.
you're not stupid, just under a lot of pressure.

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gona sleep a little earlier tonight
godnight ^^

>>78221399
>but after that we weren't able to do much else. my friends planned to
still sounds like a nice day :>

>>78221446
just try to relax friend, did you apologize?
if you have there's nothing you can do now, just wait and see what happens
I hope everything ends well for u

>>78221172
thank you anon

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>>78221674
>gona sleep a little earlier tonight
godnight ^^
same. i have a hard time staying awake at this point. sleep tight!

>still sounds like a nice day :>
it was. ^^

good night, everyone! see you soon!

>>78220485
im 90% sure its bait but your actually retardedly underinformed, sphycs are and never have been a direct cause of schizophrenia
also i wont be taking any anti deppresants, ask most who take them, its not a permanent salution
your saying //oh man just stop taking drugs, take drugs from the doctors and everything will be fixed//
also i dont even drink that much, controlled pshyc use is also less damaging then any form of recreational use of alcohol long term. i dont do pshycs anymore because of abuse i get trapped in torture realm number 22234 everytime when i do.
your words are inacurate and untrue and hold little to nothing of any value. in the end the problem is me. sober or not.

>you can always start over and we're here to support you as much as we can.
starting over implies that i had anything to begin with, i dont even know what i want, let alone how to get it.
and its a lot of work, i wake up everyday and the first thing i feel is pain, body then mind. im tired, when i have off work i sleep until noon, its hard to do anything when the only thing you want is to not do anything. i dont want to be awake, everything hurts everythings a slow boring mess
idk what to do, i dont want to do anything so then i do nothing but i cant just do nothing so i just rot
i dont know how, i dont know what, i dont know where, when, sticking to the things i already do is what i do. and thats doing drugs, because if i dont do drugs then i just do nothing, and you cant do nothing
i am always in a state of confusion unknowing unwilling unaction, a misguidance to anything it interacts with, not for malicious reasons, but because itself does not know anything other then doing wrong.

sry, its tagged under you but its more me speaking to myself arranging mty thoughts, rambling. no obligation to respond or read
>>78211108
>no
but I get why ir seems hopeless if nothing was good and seems like it won't get better any time soon
if human life has inherant value ive wasted mine

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>>78221609
>i'm sure he'll come around.
He is thankfully, but he still may hate me.
>it's natural to wanna talk to them about stuff,
Yeah that's true. But I'll completely stop talking to them about sad stuff and when I'm feeling really bad.
>what gets to us and try to avoid certain topics with them.
True.
>just come here or let's talk on discord about it, ok? (^-^)
Okay, I still don't want to be mean to you though, I'd really hate myself if I did that.
>you're not stupid, just under a lot of pressure.
I'm always under a lot of pressure I should get used to it, I shouldn't be mean to my friends.

>>78221674
Good night cat.
>just try to relax friend,
I just feel like I can't I feel terrible.
>did you apologize?
I did. And he is talking to me now.
>I hope everything ends well for u
Thanks. I wish I wasn't so mean last night but he forgave me thankfully.

>>78221773
Good night yuanon.

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>>78218472
just been knees deep in a depressive episode lol, falling into all my dogshit old behaviors. promised i wouldn't come back to 4chan yet here we are lmao.

>>78222018
>>>78218331

replied to the wrong post. ment to reply to >>78218331, my bad

nyujf3bump

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Morning fuckers. I'll get caught up on this all after I get some coffee and Italian in me. Also have a Rika, I miss her and my gf so much :(

>>78222041
It's fucked how that works with your old patterns. Every now and again I fire up a new Tumblr acc only to realize the 2011-tier cringe community doesn't exist anymore because they ban you for that shit now :(

I don't want to change I just wanna a vibe ffs

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I FORGOT MY FUCKING BOOTS AGAIN
ive been meaning ot take them with me to my fucking village for literally years AND I FORGOT TO GET THEM AGAIN
on the positive side its the only thing i forgot
i will prolly get old soviet jackboots to use and leave the regular gardening ones here

uh yeah im finally at my village and a lot of fucking work around the house awaits me tomorrow probably
i was really happy to see my friends, what made me even happier was to see them get so excited to see me
really want to read the thread but unfortunately i dont have time for that :(

>>78212253
>when it's safe to do so, but that safety is rare
safety as in what? they wont want to date you or wont attack you or??
a lot of people believe there cant be friendship between the sexes
i think whats stopping that from happening is us thinking with our dicks lol
>I just chose shitty men or didn't resonate with them
probably bad choice imho
i see men and women complaing about "where have all the good men/women gone" not realising why that is and actively participating in the reason they are rare
way i will try to avoid going through this trouble is finding the one early on(wont work lmao)
>One was a bit better but constantly bullied by his friends over it
sounds like the average guy group
was it like friendly mocking or straight up bullying?
im constantly mocked by my friends for various hsit (which are usually true) but i dont take it to heart because i know they dont mean ill intend behind it
or at the very least hope for it
>love deeply, hate deeply
goes both ways imo
we constantly poke fun at how silly fights between women are at least on the surface and how easily their friend groups break up
which i relaise now is probably bias as none of us are in any women friend groups [for obvious reasons]
>knowing your limits
most important thing there is probably lol

>>78222041
uhhhhhhhhh
are you alright anon?
also by any chance you are the traffic control anon?

>picrel goes hard and will be me

Pasta'd up and getting into the claws now. Bruschetta and cannelloni for breakfast is a HEAVY way to start the day

>>78223281
You better get us some cute town photos while you're down, it sounds like you're about to have a good time :)
>safety
Like backlash/reaction from them mostly, shit's not exactly taken well most of the time especially in this line of work (because there are like zero men in my life lol) so you kinda need to sus it out. Are they receptive? Is the timing right? Could they even get into it if they wanted to? But sexual shit always complicates things and it's weird to watch two straight women interact in a way I will never, almost like they code switch idk.
>resonate


Man I can't do this rn, I need a fucking coffee and a cuddle. I'll be back later :<

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I neeed her :(

uphyahj2

im not a cutter but circumstances dictate i must draw blood. what is the least painful way to draw the most minimum amount of blood? ive been trying to cut but cant bring myself to put force behind it, so far ive just scratched a small bit of my skin bare

btw i dont have needles and i have to finish this tonight

>>78225775
a cut on your scalp is fairly easy and will have the blood flowing like crazy
or so I've heard that's how professional wrestlers draw blood mid fight

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We drunk af rn

>>78225775
18g needle right to a vein, look up phlebotomy videos on how to do it with a syringe without the plunger
>>78225989
Don't forget that forehead vein! A ton of bloodletting practices use it

>>78226096
prepackaged shots? poshhhhh lol
never seen anything like it lmao, do you get to keep the shot glass at least?
>Don't forget that forehead vein! A ton of bloodletting practices use it
ah yes, totally forgot about it but didn't knew it was used in bloodletting, you really do learn something new every day

>>78225989
>>78226096
i dont want to bleed out or make a mess!
i just needed the smallest amount for spiritual purposes, i ended up achieving it by just keeping at it with the scratching but it was painful and took a while (im squamish) but ill probably do it again so any further info is appreciated

>>78226126
it just a flashy way to bleed! barely hurts anyways, would've been way faster than your method for collecting blood
although the other anon got the right idea with the needle, invest in some

goshhhh 3am bump I wish I could extract my feelings and put them in a little bottle god damnnnnn

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good morning :]

>>78223108
Have a nice day abon
Cute Rika ^^
>miss her and my gf so much :(
:<

>>78223281
Hello
>FORGOT TO GET THEM AGAIN
nooo D:
>on the positive side its the only thing i forgot
yay :>
>of fucking work around the house awaits
dang it
no rest
>happy to see my friends
hope you have a lot of time there
>unfortunately i dont have time for that :(
that's okay

>>78225775
Hi anon
I think you shouldn't hurt yourself
but if you need to draw blood type can cut the tip of your fingers I suppose z they bleed a lot though a cut there is pretty inconvenient
>circumstances dictate i must draw bloo
why??

>>78226217
:c
hope you manage to get some nice sleep friend

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I hate My parents so much. They did something so bad today that really made me want to cut, and it really made me feel hopeless and terrible, somehow I didn't cut myself mainly because I played a game. I'll explain what my parents did when I wake up. But for now I'm gonna go to sleep.

>>78226357
>good morning :]
Good morning.

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Hi Ali
Have a good night ^^

bumpsisheb0

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>>78221819
>and you cant do nothing
says who? if you really look at the world, it needs a whole lot more people that are nothing, do nothing and don't have any plans. people who just try to get by without fucking it up for everybody else.

>>78221986
>but he still may hate me.
those things need time.

>I'll completely stop talking to them about sad stuff and when I'm feeling really bad.
might be the best. at least for now.

>I still don't want to be mean to you though, I'd really hate myself if I did that.
you can just say how you feel about stuff and leave it at that. sometimes it helps to know someone listens to your rambles.

>I should get used to it, I shouldn't be mean to my friends.
maybe, but you never really get used to that crap.

hey everyone. hope you're having a nice day so far.

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Hi /cut/ got out the hospital early this morning after discovering some various health issues. Got testing done there for 4 days, but they don't know what's wrong with me. It is pretty frustrating but oh well. What can you do. I hope all anons here are having a great morning/day. Just went to get coffee with my friend and sit in the car at the beach. Was comfy. Gna do some work then visit my sister for dinner.

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Fuck you 4chan for eating my post wth

Also fuck, I took a shitload of blood thinners last night, got ready to fuck myself up and then ended up talking to my ex for two hours and telling them I still love them so that's fucking great fuck

>>78226123
Posh, nah these guys are pretty fuckin ratchet. They come in packs of 4 and the lil cups are like made of plastic. Wasn't about to try carting around a open bottle of vodka or something when I'm going home :P
>>78226126
Medical lancets work when you just need a few drops, you can even get a lil holder that will stab you painlessly. I used to use them for magick shit before I said fuck it and just went full razors. There's something to be said for the psychodrama of working a circle in the woods at 2AM under a new moon, cuts bleeding off your outer wrist/forearm and dropping off your pinky into a lamp to be burned away with the other components. Idk, it's a bit messier, but soooooo decent.
>>78226130
This can get sketchy quick if you're looking for large quantities because like anemia and shit. Generally speaking, just don't yank out more then your blood bank recommends in a given period and you'll be fine

Always fucks with me that people used to use stuff like this as a way to bloodlet, been half debating building one or something like it. Once loaded the spring makes the cuts quick, and all those lil guys are razors. There's some videos of scarificators working on the internet

>>78227608
That sounds like a comfy morning, medical fuckery aside anon. Good luck on getting the health shit figured out!
>>78226126
>I'm Squamish
Ok fine I'm Lilooeet then

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>>78227608
hi puppycat! (^-^)

>got out the hospital early this morning
sucks they couldn't find out what's bothering you. :/

>Just went to get coffee with my friend and sit in the car at the beach. Was comfy.
does sound like it. hope the rest of the day follows suit. :>

bumpsjsbsvs5

bumpppzihsvs2

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>>78228529
>>78229284
thanks for the bumps. it's a slow thread today. (^-^)

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Hi all
It's my grandpa's birthday so I'm a bit busy now :<

>>78227320
Hi yuanon :>

>>78227608
Hi puppycat o/

>>78227769
Hi anon c:

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>>78230071
happy birthday catbro's grandpa! hope you're having a chill day with lots of cake. ^^

>>78226130
a vein sounds like too much, i was thinking subdermal blood, just breaking a few capillaries, but a needle is a good idea. theyre easy to find too
>>78226357
>I think you shouldn't hurt yourself
dont worry, im not trying to
>why??
its just a little vow, only need a drop. the tip of a finger might be very sensitive
>>78227769
>Medical lancets
i had to search up what they were, that looks ideal. do pharmacies sell that? hows the risk of infection like if i were to reuse one? i know needles start chipping off at a microscopic scale pretty quickly, do these have the same issue? and also whats the least sensitive part of the body for this? i know the back isnt very sensitive but it might be awkward to reach
>>I'm Squamish
and youre a bit of a prankster mr lil' loojeet, but thanks for the tips

this general feels like an in group that i will never truly be part of

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>>78230825
why? everyone who posts here started at different times. it helps if you use a name or have some other gimmick that helps to remember you, but you don't have to.

bumpzosjvs8

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Hey everyone.
Yesterday was terrible. Basically my parents confronted me for hours about hiding my arm so they don't see any cuts. And they searched my room and found a bloody shirt, and they showed it to my sister. I really hate my parents.
And Biden just dropped out of the race today. So now trump is probably gonna win.

>>78226564
>Hi Ali
Hey cat.
>Have a good night ^^
Thanks it was alright.

>>78227320
>might be the best. at least for now.
Yeah it will only hurt our friendship if I do.
>you can just say how you feel about stuff and leave it at that.
That's what I did to my friend but I was still very mean and very rude.
>sometimes it helps to know someone listens to your rambles.
It does but I'm a bad rambler.
>but you never really get used to that crap.
I should though.

>>78227608
Hey puppycat.
Going to the hospital is always smart if you see Heath issues.
Sitting on a car next to the beach sounds really nice.

>>78230071
>It's my grandpa's birthday
Happy birthday to him!

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>>78231708
hey gator!

>Yesterday was terrible.
sounds like it. :/ not sure why they got your sister involved at all.

>And Biden just dropped out of the race today. So now trump is probably gonna win.
honestly, chances are high he would have won against biden anyway and i've been thinking that literally anybody else would be a better choice for quite some time now, but i have to admit that i don't know enough about american politics to name a suitable candidate.

>Yeah it will only hurt our friendship if I do.
better not to, then.

>I was still very mean and very rude.
i see. still, we know it's not your intention to hurt anyone, so it's ok to let of some steam here.

>I'm a bad rambler.
everyone has their quirks. ^^

>I should though.
best of luck, friend.

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>>78231898
>hey gator!
Hello yuanon!
>not sure why they got your sister involved at all.
Because they hate me.
>chances are high he would have won against biden anyway
Maybe but I think it would have been much closer then now I don't think kamala harris will beat him.
>i've been thinking that literally anybody else would be a better choice for quite some time now
Biden was a great president. He was so much better then trump. He's just old, which sucks but I don't think it's worse then having Trump.
>name a suitable candidate.
I couldn't either, I think Biden just did he's vice President Kamala Harris. Which is not a strong person against trump.
>we know it's not your intention to hurt anyone
Okay that's nice, but I still don't want to hurt anyone, I'd rather hurt myself then hurt others.
>so it's ok to let of some steam here.
Okay, I'll still probably not vent or do anything major.
>everyone has their quirks. ^^
That's true.
>best of luck, friend.
Thanks.

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>>78232308
>Because they hate me.
i don't think they hate you, but probably think they know better, which can come across like that. they definitely should consider your feelings a lot more.

>I don't think kamala harris will beat him.
probably not. she seems to be cut from the same cloth as hillary clinton and we know how that ended...

>Biden was a great president. He was so much better then trump. He's just old, which sucks but I don't think it's worse then having Trump.
sure he was better, but his age definitely caught up with him over the the last couple of month. i think him dropping out of the race is the right decision, but the democrats never build up a suitable replacement and whoever they decide on will have to rely on "not being trump" for a lot of the votes, which is not a good position to be in.

>Which is not a strong person against trump.
word. :/

>I still don't want to hurt anyone, I'd rather hurt myself then hurt others.
that's very commendable, but please be careful. nobody here want you to get hurt.

>I'll still probably not vent or do anything major.
alright. ^^ just remember we're here for you.

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>>78232554
>i don't think they hate you
Maybe they don't hate me, but they definitely don't care about me.
>they definitely should consider your feelings a lot more.
They never considered my feelings, they always did what they wanted to do.
>she seems to be cut from the same cloth as hillary clinton
I don't know enough about Kamala but if she is that's no good.
>we know how that ended...
Yeah but a big reason Hillary Clinton lost is because of the email thing, but I don't really know I didn't follow politics at all back then.
>but his age definitely caught up with him over the the last couple of month.
Yeah it really did, which really hurt his image. A lot of people do really think that he is unfit to be president. Which I disagree with it.
>i think him dropping out of the race is the right decision
It's hard to say but if probably is a lot of people wouldn't if voted for him because of his age, but most people no nothing about Kamala so it's hard to say.
>the democrats never build up a suitable replacement
Yeah Biden probably should have dropped out earlier just so they could find a good replacement.
>have to rely on "not being trump
Yeah that's true, and I would vote anyone else over trump but most people aren't like that most people don't understand how bad trump is.
>nobody here want you to get hurt.
That's very nice. But if it's me being hurt or other people it's better if it's me.
>just remember we're here for you.
Thanks your very kind :)

>>78180083
The deeper the cut
The cutter the slut

>Any plans for today?
Noo i just rot!!
>When was the last time you hurt yourself?
a month ago!!
>Why did you hurt yourself?
Self hatred
>Is there anything bothering you right now?
loneliness and extreme lack of human interaction

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I'm bacc bum tiredd
so I will sleep now, goodnight friends see you soon

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>>78233057
>they definitely don't care about me.
we do.

>they always did what they wanted to do.
sorry. you deserve better.

>I don't know enough about Kamala
which is a big part of the problem. nobody really does. she was just... there. i got no information about her besides the fact she exists.

>big reason Hillary Clinton lost is because of the email thing
i need to look that up and refresh my memory, but i think for a lot of people it was much simpler. they didn't like and didn't trust her.

>A lot of people do really think that he is unfit to be president. Which I disagree with it.
maybe, but the problem with mental health is that it can deteriorate rapidly over a short period of time. he might be fit for his current office, but you really can't say if he'll be in a year or two.

>is a lot of people wouldn't if voted for him because of his age, but most people no nothing about Kamala so it's hard to say.
guess they need to refocus their efforts on her, then. at least for now.

>Biden probably should have dropped out earlier just so they could find a good replacement.
he might have been in a better condition when he made the decision to get re-elected. hard to tell. i think he's a good guy, just not the one the world needs as president of the u.s. going forward.

>I would vote anyone else over trump but most people aren't like that most people don't understand how bad trump is.
that's fair and a lot of people will do the same.

>it's better if it's me.
i see your point, even if i don't share it. take care.

>>78233090
hi anon!

>Noo i just rot!!
not much else to do, i guess. what about watching something or playing some game? i just killed time by reading some manga i bought some time ago.

>a month ago!!
that's a long time! good job! :D

>Self hatred
i feel you. sometimes it feels like it's the only motivation i have to do anything. :/

>loneliness and extreme lack of human interaction
it's not the same, but we're here.

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>>78233608
welcome back and good night! see you tomorrow! :>

i'll try to stay awake a little longer, but i'm not sure if i'll manage. ^^

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>>78233090
>a month ago!
That's a long time very impressive.
>loneliness and extreme lack of human interaction
Loneliness sucks.

>>78233638
>you deserve better
I don't but thanks.
>i got no information about her besides the fact she exists.
Yeah and it's a shame, because now she's the presidential nominee. For some reason the vice president never gets any coverage which in this case really sucks.
>think for a lot of people it was much simpler. they didn't like and didn't trust her.
It definitely may have been simpler I have no idea this is kinda the first year were I actually cared about politics.
>deteriorate rapidly over a short period of time. he might be fit for his current office, but you really can't say if he'll be in a year or two.
Yeah that's true, so it probably is best if someone else wins. He was a good president but yeah in 2 years he may be to old to do important things.
>guess they need to refocus their efforts on her
Yup that's the most important thing right now for Democrats, it would have been perfect if she was the nominee before the first debate, that really would have allowed her to be known.
>he might have been in a better condition when he made the decision to get re-elected.
Maybe but even back in March he seemed pretty old, he's not gotten much worse.
>the world needs as president of the u.s. going forward.
Yeah, he would still be better then trump but right now the world needs a young more understandable president.
>i see your point, even if i don't share it.
I'm just really bad at accidently hurting people and I don't ever want to do that again.

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>nothing today. im just gunna relax until work tomorrow
>yesterday
>im not even really sure. i had a strong urge and i bought a pack of double edge razors the day before to cut myself with
>currently no

the bottom of the image was my deepest cut ive ever done. since i was a kid, all i had to work with were shitty knives. but the razors i got were really sharp. it wasnt actually very deep, just the deepest ive personally gone. i had a whole anxiety attack over whether or not itd get infected, but now i dont think it will. i want to just cover every inch of my left arm with cuts, but i have to wear a short sleeve shirt for work so thats not an option. i just cut my thigh instead. ive got some shallow scars that are a couple years old, but i dont think anyones noticed. as sick as it sounds i want to get used to cutting deeper cuz i feel like my cuts dont matter. that rule only applies to me tho

i get really jealous when i hear about how other people spent their childhoods. i spent my childhood cutting myself with dull knives and in mental hospitals. i still cant drive but getting a job at a grocery store i guess is a win. i spent 21 days in a hospital in london when i was 15 and 17 days in a psych ward on an army base in virginia when i was 16. i remember i cried both times a few nights each because i felt like i did something bar and i was a prisoner in a jail. i made sure no one heard or saw me crying because i had to keep my visage up. the kids in london couldnt figure out what was wrong with me or why i was there.

i dont understand how some other people can be so open about their mental health. i feel like if im not always pretending to be super goofy and outgoing ill just sit there and think about killing myself. ive never told any of my friends about my experiences. im not sure if anyone would even care.

when im asked where ill be in 5 years or what i plan on doing, i play it cool by saying im just going with the flow. but i just wanna be dead.

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>>78184535
I TOLD YOU YOU COULD DO IT , im so proud of you man, you just gotta keep pushing and weather the storm , im so happy , as for the girl, im sure you will find someone one day

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>>78233858
>I have no idea this is kinda the first year were I actually cared about politics.
it's been a while for me as well. that's just how she came across and i had that weird feeling that she might lose because of that.

>it would have been perfect if she was the nominee before the first debate, that really would have allowed her to be known.
that would have been best, but now they need to get her out there as soon as possible.

>I'm just really bad at accidently hurting people and I don't ever want to do that again.
it's good that you see how your behavior affects the people around you and try to avoid it, but sometimes that still happens despite our best intentions. still, never give up on being better. :>

>>78233911
hey glenn! (hope it's ok if i shorten your name like that.)

>im just gunna relax until work tomorrow
enjoy your chill day, friend.

>yesterday
make sure to patch yourself up, ok?

>currently no
glad to hear that. (^-^)

>as sick as it sounds i want to get used to cutting deeper cuz i feel like my cuts dont matter. that rule only applies to me tho
hm. a lot of people who come by feel like that. i think that if you have to do it at all, it would be best if you kept it superficial, but that's just me. you're more than welcome here either way.

>i get really jealous when i hear about how other people spent their childhoods.
some people have awesome childhoods, some people don't, but i've got the feeling that it doesn't matter that much. we've all been thrown into the grinder all the same.

>getting a job at a grocery store i guess is a win.
congrats, dude. well done! :D

>i dont understand how some other people can be so open about their mental health.
i think a lot of people are just tired of hiding it. if someone ask me about my problems i'll answer truthfully, but most of the time i just keep it to myself. talking about stuff in this thread helps a lot, though.

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>>78233911
>ive never told any of my friends about my experiences. im not sure if anyone would even care.
i tried to be more open with the people around me, but the positive effect of that didn't last long. just don't feel like they really get me, but your mileage may vary.

>when im asked where ill be in 5 years or what i plan on doing, i play it cool by saying im just going with the flow.
i hardly can say what tomorrow will bring. no point in thinking ahead much more. ^^

>>78234264
hey dan!

it's getting really late. i'm off to bed. good night.

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Bumping with pussy ass cuts :(

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People. Just dont understand man, my brother and his gf that indentifies as he/him my boss and hiss gf my pa and ma People around me nobody Just understands how it feels, you know. Im fucked up but dont got work tmr. Getting into machine girl lately, nobody Just understands

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>>78235752
Sludge Sludge metal i wade in Sludge i am Sludge purest reflecttion of self you are my only outlet in this machineplated mettalic cold world i creep lowlifescum i am ultra hyper bad person for everyone please go away i dont want to sucks you in and destroyer you like i always do i always do cant help it

does anyone know if box cutters are dangerous, i usually use razor blades and i'm a pussy so i don't actually want to kms that way i'd rather die by carbon monoxide poisoning