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>>72342060
Previous thread stories

The Worst Romance in The City
https://www.hentai-foundry.com/stories/user/kaktusnsfw/74455/The-Worst-Romance-in-City
>Ongoing, Project Moon, M/F, Violence, Action, Handjobs, Blowjobs, Titjob, Drugging, Rape, Size Difference, Vaginal sex, Doggystyle, Role reversal, Sex at gunpoint, Cowgirl, Creampie, Slavery, Abuse

Burya polov: Or, an effeminate Russian boy's story, Chapter Four
https://rentry.org/burya-polov-ch4
>work-safe, SFW, lighthearted, (surreal) comedy, magic, superheroes, slice of life, effeminate male protagonist, tomboy protagonist

Havin' Fun Stormin' The Town
https://archiveofourown.org/works/61998718
>giantess/size difference, hyper ass, burping, ass smothering, belly stuff, etc.

Cursed Clussy Carnival Chapter 6
https://www.deviantart.com/samaster/art/1141393814
>CYOA, Clussy, Clownification, Bimbofication

Beyond the Hunger
https://archiveofourown.org/works/59990275/chapters/153055099
>Endless Space, Female alien, male human, Romance, Graphic Violence, Interspecies Relationship, Alien Cultural Differences, Language Barrier, Alien Cyborg, Interspecies Awkwardness, Science Fiction, Alien Biology, Alien Culture

Link any stories I missed

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>>72342167
From thread #326

'Love is Driven', Chapter 7 - Go for Gold
https://archiveofourown.org/works/58855480/chapters/157467781
>Go Dog Go, M-Rated, Furry, OC x Canon, romance, angst, underage, younger female/older male

/ss/ One Shots, Part 4: It’s Okay To Watch
https://archiveofourown.org/works/51961219/chapters/157561834
>Consensual Underage Sex, Aunt/Nephew Incest, Voyeurism, Hand Jobs, Breast Fucking, Belly Kink

Cursed Clussy Carnival Chapter 5 Part 1
https://www.deviantart.com/samaster/art/1135222222
>CYOA, Clussy, transformation, clownification,
Chapter 5 Part 2
https://www.deviantart.com/samaster/art/1139212959
>Clussy, Clownification, CYOA, haunted carnival

ToryTheGoat Trade that I DEFINITELY didn’t forget about COMPLETE
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ThZ139OaavBxOu5WycN7XATGqyeM0UCYBBrjC6Slf5E/edit?tab=t.0
>big tits/asses, femdom, size difference, political references, etc.

SCP Foundation History Lesson
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/history-lesson
>SCP, tags unknown

The Dragon and the Author Volume 2 Chapters 11 and 12
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/61924/the-dragon-and-the-author/chapter/1960463/vol-2-ch-11-no-good-deed
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/61924/the-dragon-and-the-author/chapter/1978366/vol-2-ch-12-the-doctor-is-in
>SFW, Adventure, High Fantasy, Meta Elements, Non-Human Protagonist, Dragons, Multiple POVs

In the Temple of the Beast Goddess Chapter 3: A Catboy's Pride
https://rentry.co/vuqxao9f
>M/F, mtf nonconsenting transformation, wolf-girl, cat-boys and cat-girl, not anthro, uncontrollably in-heat, fingering, vaginal sex, kinda vanilla

Cleansing Rain
https://rentry.org/sisuforyourheartandsoul
>SFW, Hurt/Comfort, Reassurance, Human, Eastern Dragon, Feral, Sisu (Raya and the Last Dragon), Hugs, Other Physical Contact, >Tea

Pythagas
https://archiveofourown.org/works/58206391/
>NSFW, Gor Chronicles - John Norman, Pokemon, Krystal (Star Fox), pokemorph, Caecotroph, limited Scat (with a chapter warning), Porn With Plot

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Disclaimer: Zhenya isn't officially crossdressing yet (his father would beat him)

Almost finished the CCC chapter last night, but I was crashing and had to head to bed. I got stuck on a couple points I think I even figured out while I was thinking about it in bed.

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Dina hates high heels and is ambivalent when dresses are concerned

>>72345982
Huh. I think I've first seen you post over on Endchan's /b/. Been a hellofa long time though. If so, your art's really improving and welcome! Anyway, what's the story? You writin's something?

Sigh. More continuity errors. Had to reach all the way back to chapter 4 and revise. Hopefully I can carry the rest of this thing forward now with thinly veiled exposition dialog.
>>72345982
Get back to bed, you! Or, wait. Never mind.
Any guestumate on when the next chapter's posted?

>>72346543
What's your problems with continuity? It's not a problem I've encountered much, though occasionally I give my writing a reread to ensure that things remain consistent. That said- I also purposefully avoid characters handing out too many hard rules to keep things open-ended.

>>72346175
Endchan? Oh yea, I think I let the thread die cuz there was a troll lol, I might check it out again sometime
>your art's really improving
I'm glad you think so :> I didn't study much but references are always very helpful
>You writin's something?
Yes! Check out Burya polov above :D It's a multi-chapter series, and I'm about to start chapter five
>>72346543
I'm giving myself at least 3-4 weeks, but take it with a grain of salt. Still, I've already begun writing the next chapter. A little hint—it'll take place in the school gym

>>72346634
Problems in the sense of getting basic facts wrong with the source material, rather than keeping the story itself internally consistent.
The present set has been the toughest. Others were more minor errors but I'm glad I was fussy enough to catch them.
Right now, problem one, there's no official artwork of the aliens, and the book covers have been known to be more "let's promote sales" figurative than exacting.
Problem two, it doesn't help the original author spread his descriptions of the aliens all around the original works, with various key details added here and there. With some key details he was just plain vague. It's not bad technique in of itself but it leads into the next problem.
Problem three, I'm describing the aliens through the never-seen-them-before eyes of a very different, very out of context character. I can't just cheat by copy/pasting in the original descriptions.
To a certain extent it's kinda fun, but I think I've exhausted any future taste for writing crossovers.

>>72347168
What's the series?

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>>72347277
>Series?

>>72347277
Lawl. Also, meant to direct my last comment at you. Any idea when the next chapter will be posted?

>>72346710
>Burya polov
Not may taste in genera, but since it's you I'll give it a look-over. This will take a little while as I have some real life stuff to take care of first before I settle in for the night. Keep an eye on the thread.

>>72348163
No problem, I hope you'll find it enjoyable anyway! :D

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>>72348018
NOW!!!!

https://www.deviantart.com/samaster/art/1145643268

Want to get started on planning the murder-mystery party right away, so I'm looking forward to your feedback.

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>>72348224
Oh, should also for posterity say-

Cursed Clussy Carnival Ch. 7
>Clussy, Clown Girl, Erotic Horror, Murder Mystery, CYOA

https://www.deviantart.com/samaster/art/1145643268

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sneks?

>>72350729
8 by a troop of mongeese girls. They were on sale. Sorry about that.

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I find myself wanting to work on a caption. Specifically one about cyberpunk catgirls. But I find them a challenge to write, I don't know where to start. They're so short, and I find it difficult to establish things quickly and then find somesort of conclusion to reach.

I did two captions that I want to set the next one in the same 'world' (the first one was written by someone else with me doing the art and the concept, second one I did all by myself).

https://www.deviantart.com/samaster/art/Cyberpunk-Cat-Caption-1064952380
https://www.deviantart.com/samaster/art/Feral-Cyberpunk-Catgirl-Caption-2-1121214702

I've got a number of images like this for the same sort caption setting. Just no idea what to write for them. I have one I was thinking could be maybe like a catgirl terrorist leader or some such, but she's a NEET (cyberterrorist) who has kidnapped the viewer for sex or some such.

Any vampire hunters news?

Hey guys, I just wanted to shill my furry story.

Feral canine girl, human male. Bestiality of course but there's a little bit of backstory in the first chapter so if you're just looking for smut then start at chapter two. But honestly, I think it stands up on its own that there's enough story that it's interesting enough to wait for the smut.

I just love to know people's opinions.

It's a long read, so if you do enjoy it, please let me know after one or two chapters!

litter.catbox.moe/sge9ah.txt

>>72353344
>litter.catbox.moe/sge9ah.txt
>Chapter 1 –
...Yeah I think your story is suffering a bit of formatting issues, as that weird looking text is rampant throughout the story. Probably because of the .txt file you used for litterbox.

I'd say try and reupload the story to rentry.org, and see if the formatting gets fixed that way

Occasionally when I can't sleep, I write the opening bits of books or short stories I'll never finish. Here is one.

New Gomorrah sits encased in a great crystalline Buckminster sphere whose panels have fallen away sporadically as tiny pinhole openings, letting in the pale yellow air of the outside world. That is, their fall had let it in years ago. Architects and city planners, and later economists, made a Pruitt-Igoe out of what was meant to be a feat of arcology. It had been named Jacksonville once, after a small town in Alabama, perhaps as a personal joke. Now, it is a massive thing sprawling over itself in layers until the undercities had undercities, and, now, a person can find themselves ascending for miles without ever seeing the sky. Scale folds in on itself, and we see the heat death of modernity, an undifferentiable mass of insensate, alien self-edification. It's beauty is terribly evident prima facie, and we are all its parasites. New Gomorrah vomits fresh serpentine length from its own mouth. It is its own auto-incestuous progenitor.

It is only a failed utopia from the myopic viewpoint of the past, but in the unbiased infinite present, It simply is.

After the panels fell, but before myself:

Kall's eyes stared up at the ceiling, a heroic seven-hour attempt at sleep coming to a close. He'd just about managed it, too. [This reads as a quip ending only, or in part, because I'm not continuing, at least for now. There would be more.]

>>72353633
I kind of don't care I actually upload it periodically to sofurry.com for some reason it seems to have an issue loading right now I don't know why.

I don't think the odd, unrecognizable character should really matter in terms of the story, so if you're not interested, fine. Just say you're not interested. I don't really mind.

>>72353672
Seems kinda purple prosey. I would suggest not throwing too many high-concept stuff at a reader first thing in. Sure a reader can gather a lot from context, but you should give them something more solid to start with.

I say start with something small and tangible. Like say start with the main characters sleep problems and make it personal and relatable to the audience, then like have them go out look at the window and muse about the city. The MC's voice on the matter could better serve to help the audience how they should view the sci-fi world.

>>72353783
COHERENCY IS IMPORTANT.

>>72354255
It is coherent. Some minor punctuation errors when copy-pasting from a word document are not something I consider a problem.

>>72348204
OK! Finally got some free time.
It's readable, properly formatted, and very slice of life. With candyfied surrealism. And sufficient footnotes. As such, you have made David Foster Wallace proud.
As to my own personal take on it, sorry. As I expected, the material is not to my particular tastes. You did do a bang up job with the writing though. Hell of a lot better than the typical fare one runs across on imageboards. Continue to seek your audience and keep up the writing!

>>72353633
>â€
This symbology is as a representative of the tears of the readership with meaning. A brilliant deployment of postmodern technique.
"'nuff said," he said.

>>72348243
>Cal: No I didn't.
I haven't even made it past this line yet and I can already tell you I'm enjoying the buddy banter style.
More to come.

>>72355960
Oh my fucking god, why's it done that?

apostrophes and inverted commas, are just fucked.

For fucks sake.

Same story. A feral bitch and human male. Would love to get feedback.
litterbox.catbox.moe/qf7zp1.txt

>>72356714
For fucks sake.

litter.catbox.moe/qf7zp1.txt

>>72350729

Currently out of town, but significant bit this month, hell or high water.

>>72356768
>>72353344
Jeez, I can't read in peace without 4chan being fast. I'm gonna try and give a few chapters of this a read, now that some of it is fixed. The sentences are a bit run-on-ish for my taste, but so far you did an interesting work capturing what's presumably a pet gaining the concept of sentience and grasping with feelings it had not considered. The story hasn't told me what kind of feral animal she is yet though, but Dipstick is SUCH an unfortunate first name.

>>72358134
>>72356768
>>72353344
>Chapter 1
>The Meeting with the Vet
>Multiple people speaking in the same paragraph.
A good rule of thumb is that you should always hit the enter key when someone starts speaking, no matter how much or how little is said by them. The thread has a beth hill link that talks all about the funny punctuation antics for dialogue text like that. If you get time to revise or edit the writing, I'd read through it and see if you can make changes to it.
https://theeditorsblog.net/2010/12/08/punctuation-in-dialogue/
I know you mentioned that you kinda don't care much for formatting, and I'm not picky like some folks about the type of enter keys or space between paragraphs, but readability over who says what is really important. If it is a word wall of lots of people talking in one paragraph, average readers will probably just skip over the text or not bother reading it as a whole because the effort to think about who is speaking is a bit much for them.

Beyond that, keep in mind how you use its vs it's. It's is a stand-in for 'it is' and its is for possession, and you have quite a couple of it's that fit the latter. Not as serious, but it was something I began noticing halfway in chapter 1.

It does leave a good impression of the situation in hand though. I do like how there's a big focus on scents, as that's one of the dog's more keener aspects, as well as their behavior. In addition, I do like the subtle way the species of what kind she is had been revealed without outright telling the viewer. Clever.

Requesting a story about a man with a strange curse: whenever he tries to jerk off, some urgent situation comes up forcing him to stop and requiring his immediate attention. This time he decides he’s just going to keep going no matter what happens, and increasingly unlikely/ridiculous events start popping up the closer he comes to orgasm. Right when it seems like the mood is completely ruined, he gets inexplicably turned on by the fact that he’s more concerned with cumming than anything else in his life. He gets himself off repeatedly (and powerfully, given how long he’s been denied) and basically subverts the curse. Now whenever something comes up to stop him from masturbating, it just makes him hornier to continue anyway.

How does this thread feel about ryona/zako stories? Basically stories where a lot of female mooks die.

>>72361220
>Instead of asking for interest or worrying about a fetish, just post your damn writing/request and see what happens. You might get lucky.
They've been posted here before so it's nothing new. Just make sure to share the story under a link rather than dump the text directly, preferably with some tags.

>>72361439
Okay

Zako: Petite Security Girls Meet Bullets

Summary: A hit job in a hospital guarded by dozens of petite female security guards.

Tags: Ryona, Zako, Goru, Violence against women, futuristic, gunfights, zako

https://archiveofourown.org/works/61269832

>>72356105
>>72348243
>pulling at his spine like he did no,
No? Now?

Anyway, I'm all in on the Jester. Always did like the crazy ones though. She's a sweetie.
>Hype!
Yeah!
>Sexi Jason wannabe.
Yeah?
>1. Keep his eye on her (bring her in the mansion)
YEAH!

An so voted.
Thanks, guy. This is one story I'm in for the duration.

>>72361863
>>72348243
>opinion on the longer chapters?
Also yeah!
You can clearly handle writing such. Do it!

>>72361640
I had a boner for about 60% of this.

>>72361863
Yes now, sorry.

I'm glad you liked the Jester, I was worried she might have come across as annoying.

>>72363365
>annoying
Oh. Hell. No!
If fact, I suspect you are going to be surprised at her popularity. Don't forget to let us know the poll results.
Again, thank you. Keep at it please.

>>72363807
Yeah I just had a similar ditzy character in my last story I was writing that I was very excited to write for and very much enjoyed writing, but I had a bit of negative feedback on is all.

Again makes me wonder why some characters have good hooks and some don't, or if everything is just hit and miss with this or that audience.

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requesting a bestiality plus shrunken human story
>woman gets shrunk down in size
>could be due to a shrink ray/potion made with science/tech
>or is shrunk due to magic or a curse
>setting and location up to you
>could be a dungeon with wild rats, science lab with lab rats, modern home plus backyard, etc
>needs to wear some sort of rat costume/skin/fursuit to sneak around or the costume is the reason she shrinks in first place
>ends up catching the attention of regular feral male rat(s)
>gets pounced and mated by the rat(s)
>and if you want to be extra kinky have her get knocked up by a rat too due to the curse/magic/shrinking tech

>>72356768

>>72358134
She gets a new name pretty quickly, dipstick was intended to indicate "before" the other name to indicate "after." ive had the sentences being too long as a criticism before. i do try and cut them down over several drafts. As for the speech being a separate paragraph per person. It was deliberate to obscure what animal she is for a certain period of time. I didn't want it to go on too long though, so fairly quickly you find out what she is.

>>72359375
I am aware of this convention, but to me it just looks untidy and pulls your eyes to the speech instead of letting you read the paragraph.

I'll have to keep an eye out for "it's" it's not a mistake I've noticed I'm making so far.

Overall, I am trying to keep it accurate to her physiology. I didn't want to just hand wave it. Oh, and it's pretty explicit later on, what she is, because there's a physical description of her. But yes, I didn't want to just outright state it in the first paragraph.

I will also point out that chapter 11 onwards is first draft, like very first draft, so it's written very quick and dirty.

>>72361640
Oh, you're the one who shared the other 2 stories here some months ago. Good to see you're still at it, even if I don't particularly like the content.
>“It’s unlocked.” I said before sliding
There's a whole thing about dialogue tags and when to end them in periods or commas. In this case, it should be a comma.

>I lay prone
Past tense. Use laid.
>her plump little ass
Slightly contradictory?
>It was trapped
I don't think it's wrong, but I ended up reading I was trapped initially.

This one is a bit more quick and to the point compared to the others you did in the past. Less descriptive too, but I do feel the intent behind it, as someone focused mostly on the mission. She still goes on some tirades internally, but that's a given when going solo. Again, these stories feel like a part of something bigger, but they're all one shots, so I appreciate the pacing throughout as well as their conclusions.

Morning bump

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Requesting a pokephilia story between a female human and a male Typhlosion.

A young woman from a remote rural town moves to the city with her Typhlosion husband for work. It is a little known fact that the village she is from is one of the very last places where human-pokemon marriages are still officially celebrated. And although her marriage is technically considered legal in the city due to some obscure cultural preservation law, it doesn't help with the fact that pokephilia is considered socially taboo in most places and she has to cope with the fact that everyone will give her a side-glance if she reveals that her husband is a pokemon. Instead she tries to keep it quiet and avoid any question on that topic.

Despite all of that she is not ashamed of her relationship and is happy to come home to her poke-husband every night after work.

Her Typhlosion is very affectionate and likes hugging and cuddling with her. Fortunately he is also smart enough to know not to get too affectionate in public to not get her in trouble.

The story should focus more on the social aspect of the relationship and how the main character tries to live her life quietly in a society that does not view her relationship positively. The sex should focus more on the routine-like aspect of it. They have been doing it almost every single day mostly the same way ever since they got married and they have been going at it with such regularity that it has become almost like an addiction to her.

>tags: male pokemon/human female, doggy-style, kissing, cuddling

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Okay so I want to figure out how to handle the next chapter of the Cursed Clussy Carnival. Basic outline as I have it now

>Flashback chapter with Leah to show off her pre-clownification personality and relationship with Cal, something set during their road-trip, no idea what it should be.
>Back to present with showcasing Leah's new body and personality. I don't quite know what her look should be but I want it to evoke 'big titty goth girlfriend' vibes. Probably have Leah introduced to Cal's companions.
>Sally the Slasher is considering calling off their murder-mystery in light of recent events, but Leah bullies her into going through with it anyway
>They all head into the Haunted Mansion for the trial, and everyone meets the various characters who will be in turn be playing different characters within the murder-mystery. Here's what I'm thinking so far-

>Leah as a travelling spiritualist Ophelia
>A skeleton that's an old-timey actor who is a recovering addict, wears a fancy suit, maybe he plays 'Baron Bloodthorne' or some such?
>A male butler clown that's the kind of hot anime butler. He's the fake murder victim (as an inversion of the 'Butler did it'). Thinking he's kinda a manwhore who has slept with literally everyone in the murder mystery- don't know if that should be the case in real life. I'm thinking they find him laying face-down with what was originally a knife in his back, but they substitute with a spoon between his arms in light of the real murder.
>Sally the Slasher plays the Baron's daughter?
>Holly the christmas clown gets roped in- I'm thinking she's substituting for 'Jimmy the Crazy Axe-Clown Murderer' or the like who has stayed home in light of the real murder. Don't know who she'd play.
>A small creepy clown girl with some alma/sadako vibes. Comes across as psychic but she's actually just using magician parlor tricks
>The Jester and Bowtilda should probably also be assigned roles
(cont.)

>>72370239
>Archie the Waitress also arrives to deliver some food and gets shanghai'd into things. No idea what her role would be.

Now it's important when coming up with a mystery to have the answer first and build the mystery around it. And I was thinking the best reveal would be if Leah having accompanied Cal (who'd be playing a visiting detective naturally) throughout the entire mystery turned out to be the mastermind behind everything. Thinking maybe her character of Ophelia was Baron Bloodthorne's bastard daughter or some such? But I want it to be like this theme is playing in people's heads as she's revealing her master plan at the end.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEL4olVmdRg

So the trick will be having so many red herrings that she can successfully misdirect Cal and build up a plausible other candidate before revealing her master plan.
>IT WAS ME CAL! IT WAS ALL ME!!!

Originally I was thinking the mystery is just around the Butler, who since he's sleeping with everyone gives everyone a tangible motive to murder him. But maybe this is some sort of will-reading thing going on for the deceased Baron Bloodthorne? (the father of the one being played by a skeleton perhaps). I feel like I need something more though- I want Leah's character to come across as a genuine puppet master, rather than a mere opportunistic murderer. Like by playing everything the way she did she got everything she wanted.

And of course I'll need to seed clues over the mansion, come up with its layout, and a plotline that has the characters explore it. There should be at least one excursion into the mansions grounds.
(cont.)

Requesting a story about a first-year college student who reunites with his longtime pen pals, twin sisters from Japan. He's shocked to discover that the twins are extremely pregnant with something (many things?) unnatural. The twins want to stay at his place and lie low until their ordeal is over but can't or won't say how they became pregnant. He agrees and the sisters move in with him, but things are complicated by nosy neighbors, the twins advancing pregnancies and increasingly macabre/bizarre behavior, and strange occurrences around town.

>>72370451
I also don't know how to end the chapter- as while Leah being the mastermind is a fun twist- it doesn't still have Cal have a reason to head off and look for someone else. Since it's still a fake murder, it's not like he can't just keep talking with her and convince her to tag along. They need to get separated somehow. The waterslide in Bonnie's chapter was a neat narrative trick to achieve this.

Now something I want in this arc, I was thinking that the character of the Harlequinn at some point interrogates Cal, the Harlequinn being the Duchess' #2, and basically acts as the policeman for the circus. And given Cal showed up same day someone was murdered he's a suspect- not a prime suspect, but he's being investigated for thoroughness sake. This could be a way to cap-off the chapter, but I don't quite know how to play it- outside of I like the idea of Cal being strapped to like one of those wheels you use for throwing knives.

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bumping for lizard sex

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Also FUCK, I had a portrait for the Harlequinn, but I don't think I ever saved it. This is me getting it as close as I can. The original I think had a slightly better pose, longer arms, and a more old-fashioned outfit. But it also was a bit blurrier.

I decided to also just generate a new background, cut out the figure and cut it out stapling it to the new background, also just darkened it a bit to make the lighting match better and make it more ominous.

>>72370239
For Holly, maybe she's assigned as Baron Bloodthorne's bodyguard since her role was originally assigned to a physically intimidating man.

For the Jester, maybe they assign her a role as a mysterious stranger who arrived at the house just a couple of hours before Cal arrived. However, just as the game begins (Leah gets a sudden phone call about a breakout at the local asylum/prison). Basically, that old trope about the mysterious axe murderer you mentioned earlier.

You could probably make Bowtilda Cal's Watson. Specifically, the bad versions where they're supposed to act as cheap comic relief to make the detective look better.

Since Archie's gotten Shanghai'd into the scenario, maybe they hastily improvise the role of the cook/maid to give her something to do.

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>>72375218
Is this the picture you're looking for?

Bump

>>72375693
No, I used that as a base for both. I looked through all my folders in case I moved it, even the garbage bin, but I think I just never actually hit the save key after editing it.
>>72375656
I don't think that, but Holly being cast as a 'big strong intimidating man' is the exact sort of joke I love doing.

Likewise for the sake of comedy the Jester shouldn't be assigned as someone strange if she's already strange. She should play the straight man and do it BADLY. Thinking on things though, since she's worried about auditioning for the music man, I can see her cosying up with the skeleman to give her acting tips (I see him as getting WAY into the role).

I think suggesting it's an escaped convict is a bit too tropey. I want it more like Knives Out, where this is more of a personal family drama that's being played out, where every character has some dirty laundry they don't want getting out regardless of if they are innocent or not. Suggesting the killer is some unrelated third party removes a lot of that drama. Hence me thinking Leah's character is secretly the bastard child of the Bloodthorne fortune.

I think since I have the buddy-dynamic with Cal and Bowtilda in every other chapter, I should instead shift that dynamic between Cla and Leah, so Bowtilda should instead play one of the 'insiders'.
(cont.)

>>72377362
Cook or maid sounds about right, cause I imagine that Archie would have a much harder time going with the flow than the others. I wonder how I might use her narratively- I was thinking she drops in while everyone else is caught up on the narrative providing snacks for the crew (Leah ordered delivery), and when she sees Cal delivers a letter from Bonnie about how she's been wrecking shop up and down the boardwalk. Don't know what to do with her character afterwards though. An element I haven't brought up yet- I was thinking Archie is trans, and most of the carnival members actually order food from her as an excuse to sex her (and her ladydick) up. Sort of an inversion of the whole 'woman seducing the delivery guy' thing. I don't want to deliver the whole joke at once though- but in bits and pieces- showcase different people ordering her food, her skating in to deliver, getting felt up, and then later on Cal accidentally stumbles into her being given her 'tip'.

Similarly- I was also thinking this arc should have the first full-on sex-scene. I was thinking that Holly snipes at Sally a bunch not a fan of the whole horror theme, but Sally sort of has a secret crush on her. During Cal and Leah's investigation they find the two in flagrante in one of the rooms, and Leah decides to escalate things so that they end up having a foursome together. I feel it's more in character for Cal to get pushed into things by someone he trusts like Leah given how distrustful he's been of the Carnival in general.

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I also need to come up with a layout of the mansion, and seed it with clues to give Cal and Leah an excuse to explore it.

I'm roughly thinking four floors- basement, ground floor, second floor with most of the bedrooms, and attic. Since this is an attraction it should have a bunch of the bells and whistles.

Something I'm considering though- I already placed a motel on the 'overworld' map, but I'm also reminded of in FF7 they have a haunted-mansion themed hotel there, I'm wondering if I could do something similar here or not. But it could be an extraneous detail if I'm not going to do anything with like a staff going around to provide any sort of hotel-like services.

I'm not sure what I should do with the manor grounds, I imagine a few of the party-goer skeletons milling about there, and giving grief for Leah and Cal, but I need a reason for them to cross it. Thinking maybe there's some sort of tower there, but I don't know what it's purpose will be.

I also want lots of little secret passages to further the feel of a haunted mansion. Thinking maybe there's an underground tunnel from the tower to the attic.

Oh- also that reminds me, other murder-mystery guests would include Dr. Loveless who runs another haunted attraction. She's a mad scientist who can't get laid because of her atrocious personality. Potentially her assistant who I can't decide if he should be like actually smart, or dumb as a bag of hammers. And a clown-nun who runs a haunted convent nearby. Both should be playing characters within the murder-mystery as well.

>>72375218
>Mind the fan-service.
Not bad. Not bad at all.

>>72378008
Well, don't go trying to use La Rondinaia as a model. I already called dibs on that for my story.
Seriously, don't waste time trying to design. Pick something real world cool and roll with that. You can modify it to suit and save a lotta time with something inherently plausible from the start.

>>72378177
Well me coming up with a map in my head makes actually plotting out the progression a lot easier. And having a diagram makes it a lot easier to visualize the map rather than just having it in my head. Plus I find the process fun.

night bump

>>72366406
To be honest I hammer out my ao3 stuff in a few hours when I'm feeling particularly degenerate. It's nice to see someone is pointing out the little grammar mistakes I made. I think the lack of description comes from the action I choose to convey. Guns just can't be that exciting compared to melee.

>>72366406
>>I lay prone
>Past tense. Use laid.
"I lay prone" is correct past tense.

>>72381666
Damn it, the Lay wars got me again.

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>>72381666
lol

>>72361640
Where can I find more like this?

Requesting a story about a dominant, crude, pissed off femboy pornstar with an incredibly tiny cock being worshipped by a fan while he jerks off to orgasm over and over again. If anyone is interested I can elaborate on the actual plot but the meat of the story would be an annoyed tiny-dick guy with an outrageously feminine body draining his balls in the bathroom as prep for a scene and letting someone else who happened to be in there perv on him as a distraction.

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Requesting a romance between Bra (Vegeta's daughter) and Kuriza (Frieza's son). Ask me for more details if interested.

Writing prompt:
Goo.
Good for me.
Good for you.

>>72381432
>Guns just can't be that exciting compared to melee.
It isn't impossible, but I blame the distance of killing involved, unless it's mixed with CQC

Bump.

Bump

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Story request:

>Main character is a flat-chested tomboy
>She likes to hang around the local beach and often goes topless during her visits
>Between her chest, boyish looks, and choice of clothing, other beachgoers don't realize she's a woman
>The only people who know the truth is the group of guys she hangs out with, but they don't treat her any differently. To them, she's just another one of the guys
>They never ogle her bare chest, they never make any sexual comments/innuendos towards her, and they never make any advances towards her
>One day, the group is hanging around the beach and they decide to hit up a nearby food truck
>As they're ordering their food, the person running the truck realizes that the MC is a woman and that she's going topless in public
>The person starts raising a fuss and threatening to call police. In response, the guys decide "fuck you" and storms away with the MC in tow
>Feeling ashamed, she tries apologizing to them for ruining lunch, but they brush her off. They reaffirm that she's part of the group, and the group always watches out for each other
>The affirmation cheers her up, and the conversation pivots back to where to eat for lunch. While the others are talking, the MC thinks about how lucky she is to have such a wonderful group of friends

>>72342060

somebody needs to shop Trump's head on that

>>72401079
I'd do it, but I can't find a good shot of Elon Musk.

>>72400887
Ok but when does the sex happen?

>>72404310
why is she toasting her buns

>>72404861
because she's also frenching the fries

>>72405024
Ah gotcha gotcha

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>>72342060
>>72342167
>>72342201
Pythagas
https://archiveofourown.org/works/58206391/
>NSFW, Gor Chronicles - John Norman, Pokemon, Krystal (Star Fox), pokemorph, Caecotroph, limited Scat (with a chapter warning), Porn With Plot
14 chapters. 42,954 words.
And, I suppose, for /wfg/ something a little unusual: this story is complete.
Any feedback welcome.
Thanks for all the writerly banter along the way guys. This was a hell of a trip for me.

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bump

>>72409498
My "this was shooped" senses are tingling.
Much lawl was had.

>>72409498
woah bro. i've seen a lot of shoooops in my time and this is one of them. i can see the pixels...

>>72409498
im in this pic

It's really impressive that this thread manages to get so much worse despite being near death all the time.

>>72417362
I mean, you're still here so there's no real difference between then and now.

>>72348243
>https://www.deviantart.com/samaster/art/1145643268
>It's not the holidays? It's July? Wait- it's still July isn't it?
..Y'know, I first came on to this gag about Christmas in July back when Ed, Edd, n Eddy were a thing. I never quite understood why that holiday gets the snowy treatment throughout the years. But it always gives me a chuckle when it shows up.
>sculking
Skulking, unless this is another one of those accent things.

All caps text burns my eyes, but I know it's your intent. I still don't like it personally, but I know it's on purpose and intone with what you want to do.

Otherwise, this is an alright chapter. Tonally, it is much more what I have in mind for the series. Not much to really comment on.

>>72417362
The slow nature of writing leaves this thread with a lot of dead air desu. It would work better as a weekly thing.

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>>72419076
You live equatorial or the southern hemisphere? In most of europe, and large chunks of North America Christmas is a winter tradition. In fact the christmas tree has it's origins in a pagan holiday of bringing an evergreen tree into the household as an attempt to ward off winter.

I hear in Australia though, Christmas is for barbeques on the lawn given December is Australian Summer.

Sculking seemed correct, it didn't trigger autocorrect.

You want to help me further I'm trying to outline the next chapter here->>72370239
>>72370451
>>72370587

I've further thought that maybe the clown nun (needs a name) plays the Baron's 2nd Wife, maybe the Jester plays the first. And she reinterprets the script to mean she has a crush on the 2nd wife instead of hating her.

It's also been suggested the Duchess returns playing a french maid, which sounds fun but I'd need something for her to do.

>>72419508
IWhoops, I wasn't specific; I meant why that MONTH of July gets the special christmas holiday treatment compared to the other non-snowy months.
Looking it up, it seems sculking and skulking are both the same. Probably different ways to spell it.

>>72419725
Oh cause it's seen as the opposite- it's the height of summer. Well- August is the height of summer, but it doesn't roll off the tongue as well. Could use the phrase 'snow in august' but that doesn't relate specifically to christmas.

>>72370587
>Leah being the mastermind is a fun twist- it doesn't still have Cal have a reason to head off and look for someone else
I'd keep it simple. After him trying to make his last sister come back (and thus getting hit for his trouble), he could at least try to make her promise that she come with him after she's done playing around. It's him learning from the earlier mistake. and taking Bowtilda's words about how someone dealing with shit tends to be more radically clownized as a result. Maybe he thinks time to let them vent will let them be more amicable to leave after they get it all out of their system, even if the killer is still out there.
...That or someone brings up a topic that seems a bit too relatable to the trip that kills the nice vibes Leah had going up until that point.

>>72417362
sadly the answer is the same as the drawn arts
be the change you wish to see
learn to write or learn to prompt chatgpt and so on

>>72419508
>>72419989
>Leah & Bowtilda
>Catfight!
>GOGOGOGOGOGO

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>>72421218
I hadn't thought on how they'd get along. I can't really picture anything though.

One aspect though- I was thinking that the Butler is a manslut who sleeps with literally everyone (both in and out of character), except for Leah who he finds disgusting as she used the word 'bussen' with him. So she's the one person he refuses to sleep with.

I also kept forgetting to mention that the smuggler in the previous chapter I want to be present. He'll be 'Vinny the Hands', and subbing for another Carnie that dropped out in light of the real murder. Don't know what character he'll be playing will be like, but I imagine he's actually quite friendly (doesn't know that Cal was snooping on him). I'm thinking his characters 'dark secret' is he secretly wants to be a dancer.

A writing conundrum did pop up- the idea the Duchess could enter things as a French Maid. The issue is with the Jester who I want to keep mysterious for right now. But I figure the Duchess knows what her deal is, and if she reacts too nonchalantly it would sort of reveal there's nothing about the Jester to really worry about. But now I'm thinking maybe I can work this in as a mystery subplot? Maybe the poll choice could be on investigating the fake murder, or investigating the Jester?

>>72421343
You know actually- I forgot I thought up a scene.

Leah ordered food from the Starlight Diner while she was waiting in the mansion (hence Archie the Waitress shows up). She even got a burger for Bowtilda. Which naturally prompts her to tell Cal 'Wow, I like her WAY better than you'.

If I'm writing something that has yet to describe anything gory and I then write a flashback chapter where several people die, would emphasizing the more gruesome aspects of their deaths help drive the tragedy home more or would it be out of left field and tonally dissonant with the rest of my writing?

>>72422956
The thing that people tend not to really appreciate about death is the suddenness of it. We build up stories in our heads that should come with satisfying conclusions and epilogues and the like.

But the stories of peoples lives often end with quick deaths that don't carry with them any sort of moral or lesson. That feeling of arbitrariness is much more unsettling than the gore in and itself in my mind. That someones individuality is taken from them by the outside force of their death- their dreams, struggles, effort are made to mean nothing as their death takes that away from them.

So yeah, I'd emphasize the suddenness of death, I think that can be unsettling without having to delve into a lot of gore.

>>72423116
Much appreciated. I was hesitant to go with gore anyways, but I wanted a second opinion

>>72422956
>I'm writing something that has yet to describe anything
Sounds like all my H/R mandatory employee training.
>gory
>flashback
>people die
Oh. OK.
>out of left field and tonally dissonant?
Can't judge without seeing the work in question. That said, it all depends on what effect you are going for. A bit of brutality then, contrasting banality now, might be the whole point. Presumably you are writing the characters "now" as nothing special slice of life except a hint something seems a little off?
All sorts of ways you could craft this.
Doesn't sound like bad technique in of itself. Like everything else in writing execution is the thing. At the worst be humble. Meaning, be willing to go through several revisions and you will pull it off.
As the man with the PHD say:
>The solution to most literary problems is time and thought.

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>>72426235
No, I will marry her and write fanfic with her.

>>72426235
Do not

I just wanted to share my story again. Looking for any and all feedback and hopefully people enjoy reading it.

>Male human, female canine,

litter.catbox.moe/ppc7w8.txt

Requesting a short orgasm denial story set in an urban fantasy world. A guy famous for holding his nut is filming some porn (a pretty standard/boring photoset followed by sex) with two monstergirls, maybe succubi, who are usually impossible to fuck without popping like a party favor in seconds. We switch between the perspective of the photographer directing the three actors, which is written in a simple third person style, and the inner dialogue of the man, which is written almost entirely in purple prose and analogy. It’s like he’s actually experiencing the sex differently than someone else in a mostly un erotic way (except for the moments of near climax, and a few moments where he loses control). I could elaborate more if anyone is interested!

>>72421343
Oh, that reminds me.
I remember you loosely hinted that Cal would eventually get genderbent but be a futa that may or may not sex up the clowns. Just to confirm, he's not gonna fuck his clowned family, right?

>>72434691
Well it's a matter of how comfortable both I and the audience are with it. I haven't written too many sex-scenes as it's something I don't feel as much confidence writing as all the other stuff.

So I was thinking that Cal and Leah at some point stumble into Sally and Holly mid-sex, and Leah ropes Cal into both of them joining in. And a foursome like that I think is a nice way for both me and the characters to dip my toes into things- break some barriers that'll make future sex-scenes more likely.

>>72434965
If Asimov wrote a sex scene or two, you can too.
lawl.
Anyway, not that we're voting, but I say follow your instincts in that regard.

>>72430938
>extremely sensitive sensory apparatus
There's something I find jarring here. It's too clinical. You've used other specifically named interior body parts elsewhere, so maybe cilia?
The change is debatable and I'm not sure what to suggest.

>‘humans’ Used it.
You haven't ended the sentence after the quote so changed that to: used it.

You do point of view very well and capture the alien idea of it.
Good job. Keep writing.

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>>72342060
Requesting a story about Anon transporting a highly potent experimental steroid in his car, before getting pulled over. The cop is a small woman, and when she searches the car, she accidentally pricks herself, or comes into contact, with the substance. Throughout the rest of the interaction on the side of a lonely highway, the female cop slowly grows in size, with her muscles and frame expanding while she becomes more and more aggressive and physical. Extra points if her clothes slowly tear and her buttons pop without her noticing. Show off her physical strength towards the end, but I don't care how you end it, have fun with it.

>>72435728
Thanks for taking the time!
That particular part about how sensitive her nose is, I've definitely re-written that a few times. I have tried to be kind of soft with the language, I didn't really like the idea of referring to everything by its anatomical name.

I wouldn't be surprised if theres a few typos like that. Thanks, though.

How far did you get?

>>72436102
Chapter 1. Pornographic presentations don't put me off so I'll proceed through chapter 2. I'll probably finish it so keep an eye on the thread for additional feedback.
However, right now I got some things ongoing in prep for yet another snow storm and a way vicious cold snap. Stay tuned.

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Okay so I'm making some good progress on the CCC chapter, and I'm thinking that my diagnosis that the introductions would take up a chapter was right. It's getting late though, and I'm wondering how to continue from where I'm currently at.

I figure first I introduce the characters currently inside the mansion, then introduce/reintroduce the ones just showing up, including having Archie's food delivery. And then have everyone get the cards with the characters they'll be playing. So first up was the skeleton, got that done, now gotta do the Nun character, who I decided to name 'Mother Isabella'. Trying to think of a way to introduce her that helps give her some strong characterization. But so far I'm thinking she's mostly just a tease with a bit of dommy energy. Not much in the way of a personality she could show off in a couple paragraphs. All I've written so far is-

>Nun: Oh my Leah- you were right child, your brother IS almost as cute as you~
>Leah: Cal, this here is Mother Isabelle-

So far only other bit of info I got is she runs the 'Shadowveil Convent'. Suggestions for the scene here?

>>72375218
>>72375693
Hey I actually found the original picture I was gonna use for the Harlequinn!

I don't know why but I must have accidentally dropped it into a (porn) games folder.

Well now I've got two potential portraits for the character, so could you guys take a look at it for me and tell me which one you think works better?

https://files.catbox.moe/0iwovb.png

>>72438829
I like the first one presented:
>>72375218
The second "recovered" one is too cartoony.

>>72437666
Maybe Isabelle could subtly start flirting with Cal by inviting him to visit the Convent?

>>72438069
But you have to keep going

>>72437078
Oh it gets a lot spicier than Chapter 2. Well, stay safe. Maybe something to read whilst you weather the storm?

Bump.

>>72402634
>Ok but when does the sex happen?
It does, but it doesn't...
One of the slightly gay guys in the group, who has always thought she was actually a boy, tries to hit on her, saying that;
>"I bet you taste sweet."
She's heard a couple of the guys talking about how 'sweet they taste', but thinks it's when they kiss, so she decides to go ahead and kiss him.

I'll let someone else run with this from here...

>>72450787
>And so, she pulls a fish out from hammer-space, and vigorously slaps him about the head.
>Night falls, enclosing the beach in the obscuring dark.
>It's time to go skinny dipping.
>Yo?
>Whoah.

>>72408038
So how did it feel to finally complete a story?

>>72455270
Not my first completed piece of writing, or story. Pythagas is my first complete work of fan-fiction, and I crafted a novella out of it to boot.

This feels both amazing and disappointing.

Amazing, as this was both a profitable learning experience with a fun ride attached. Disappointed, as I found the story entertaining as an experience and I feel there is more that can be done with it.

This started as a few scenes of a more straightforward smut run. Except the lead in suggested so many things. I found myself thinking: "OK. What if there is more to this? Where does it go?" In answer, the characters became vivid and the story took off with a life of its own. The smut stayed as it was. I built around that. Also, I tried hard to apply some lessons I picked up from a wee little unrelated (ie not Gor) 1960s era pornographic potboiler I stumbled across, and didn't realize what it was until too late. The porn aspect wasn't so important, but, thing is, the writer clearly knew what he was doing and worked the limitations of word count and book length well. It even featured a plot.
Also, belatedly, seems I learned "Gorean hate fic" is the most popular form for Gor related material on AO3. An ultra-feminist goddess lands on Gor, goes head hunting, and that sort of thing. I find the idea hilariously engaging. I'll be checking some of them out.
Finally, Pokemon related, I discovered what happens when you tell some manga artists to: "depict the Mewtwo really dishing it out!" Have a care with what choice of idioms one uses around artists. Consider yourselves warned.

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>>72459329
>Have a care with what choice of idioms one uses around artists
Your first mistake was giving them freedom to interpret it.

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Uppies

>>72356768
I finally get some time off and the link is dead. Got a new one or a rentry link?

>>72469364
Not the author, but I believe this is the current link:
https://litter.catbox.moe/ppc7w8.txt
Works for me, etc.

>>72365434
>to me it just looks untidy and pulls your eyes to the speech instead of letting you read the paragraph.
For me it's the opposite problem. Everything in one paragraph like that just makes it hard to read and I'll just gloss over the whole thing because I'd be wasting time trying to understand who is saying what instead of consuming the story. For someone like me, that interrupts the flow of my reading.
I guess at the end of the day it's your style if you wanna do it or not. Just know that the road may be bumpy in that regard.

>>72469472
This works.
>>72356768
Chapter 2, again, does suffer a bit from those run on sentences, where a period is needed instead of a comma. With how deep you are in writing though, I'd either make a time to just comb through the thing one more time to fix it, or get assistance from someone to help fix those sentences.
Beyond that, it also struggles with keeping present or past tense for consistent in your verb usage. Ideally, you just wanna stick to one tense in your writing for that consistency too. That will be a project.
>oestrogen
Estrogen

I also noticed you type realising instead of realizing. Technically nothing wrong, but just to confirm, you're using british english as a writing format? As long as your consistent with it that should be fine.
>her hind legs kept her focussed
You also got other typos that my word program picks up. Maybe at some point you can post the story in one to fix those, although be aware that some may default to American English.
>a little Dutch courage
Not familiar with this saying. Is this the equivalent of liquid courage?
>he pointed at the empties already
Capitalize H.
Also, I do like the puzzle she went through in getting the drink from the fridge not just down, but to also open the bottle. Pretty clever POV of solving that.
>had suddenly embraced her cookie
After being so thoroughly exposed to Cookie Run, I have difficulties seeing the word the same in regard to furry content.

>>72470182
>>72469472
>>72365434
>Ander’s was much stronger than she was
No need for the 's in that regard, since this is about him being stronger than her. Not a thing he possess. Unless it's like 'Ander's arm was much stronger than her'
Also, I guess even with interspecies kink, a blowjob is a must. Probably a little awkward with the teeth there. Mawjob?
The balance between her fear of Ander's thoughts and the pleasure of finally getting relief is pretty neat though. Mixed signals on both sides make the taboo nature of this more interesting to see play out for me. It was kinda hot, although I'm personally not into feral content myself, but her mindset during the sex was the hot aspect for me. It's a good job balancing these bits and pieces well to set the scene again.

Uppsy daisy

Bump

>>72469364
Hi! Very sorry if you found the link dead. This is a project I just really really enjoy doing, like a painting that's never finished. I make minor changes all the time and I'd prefer there not be a million versions to confuse people with, sorry!

>>72470182
I totally understand the criticism and I am totally aware of the convention. I even did my best to make the conversations flow so as to make it obvious who is speaking (despite the non-conventional formatting). The main reason I did this is because I notice when I'm reading myself the "small" paragraphs when a new line is started for a different speaker pull my eyes to the words, meaning I skip ahead in the story (a tiny bit I know, but still!) I wanted to avoid that, even if it meant breaking convention. I absolutely take on board the problem, I don't really consider anything set in stone just yet.

Each time I re-read I do indeed shorten my sentences, and add further full stops. My mind just writes it down as the whole thing at once without organising it very well, you are pointing out a criticism I have had in both personal and professional writing. I re-read the whole thing once in a while to try and be consistent narratively. When doing that, I often break up long as F sentences.

Another writing convention is keeping the same tense, I do try, but I know I fail here too, sorry! I wish I could keep it all consistent but I struggle with this.

estrogen, sorry but i know of the ligature character used in œstrogen and my brain wont let it go. I again take the criticism because i want it to be readable and immersive rather than a lesson in latin.

focussed, is totally normal to me, one s looks VERY strange.

>>72470182
Dutch courage, mostly from the british dutch wars. I think liquid courage might be a result of the phrase.

Haha, I am not set on terminology for her beautiful anatomy, I just dont feel like being anatomically correct, sounds too clinical, less involved, less....loving.

>>72470384
I have a strange attraction to canine teeth actually, I'm totally ok with adding them to the scene. Part 2 is in VERY first draft but it contains a specifically blowjob scene. That, and chapter 2, their very first sexual interaction is the canine girl 'trying' to give him a blowjob. I have to say that the point is that they make it work despite the problems because they love each other. Thats sort of the basis of the story.

I have to say i really enjoy writing from her perspective, simply because its how id like girls to feel in these kind of interactions. I'm a hopeless (kinky) romantic.

i dont write, i don't play vidya. i merely exist.

>>72479564
learn to read an ye may be free

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>>72479847
>read smut for inspiration and tips
>only willing to do it when I'm fapping
>get too impatient reading through all the vital build-up so I resort to being a speedreading fag to get it over with, or I remember my massive backlog of tabs I still need to click through to free up my RAM so I stop reading all together
>barely learn anything
Instant gratification is a hell of a drug

I've managed to make progress on the CCC chapter. It's pretty sizable just introducing the characters, so I'll have to conclude it soon. Right now I have the characters reading off the characters they'll play for the murder mystery, and I want to make sure I want to get all my ducks in a row.

Who I've introduced so far-

>Sally the Slasher as Maysworth Bloodthorne, the eldest of the Bloodthorne Children
>Trevor the Skeleton Actor as Trebediah Bloodthorne, the only son of Baron Bloodthorne, and the new Baron.
>Isabella the Nun as the Baron's second wife, Maria Bloodthorne

Now I'm at Holly the holiday clown's character. And I'm still not sure what to do with her. I was thinking as she's a last minute substitution that she plays what was meant to be a big intimidating male character. But I'm trying to plan ahead because I was thinking she and Sally get caught in mid-sex by Cal and Leah. I was thinking that Leah goads Cal into a foursome mid-investigation, and I was thinking Holly and Sally work as good opposites as one symbolizes Halloween and the other Christmas. I was thinking that Holly plays an Uncle, but then thought I don't think I'd want to imply uncle/necee incest in the proceedings- brother/sister or cousin incest I think works better given the Bloodthornes are meant to be like blue-blood aristocrats. This wouldn't be planned by the characters, but something that could be worked into the narrative.
(cont.)

>>72482400
On the other hand though, I was thinking a similar dynamic for the 'first and second wives' of the Baron. Where they'd be written to hate each-other, but the person playing one of the wives interprets their notes as a secret crush on the other wife that gets revealed in the investigation. Now I was considering maybe casting the Jester as the first wife, as the Jester is kooky and I think more in line to reinterpret the script like that. Also maybe she plays a doctor like the first wife is a doctor? But I'm worried it's too similar a dynamic than the one described above.

Then I have the other characters to figure out- Cal is playing the detective, and Leah a 'travelling spiritualist' who will be investigating.

There's a smuggler clown Vinny the Hands, who I'm thinking plays the Barons cousin. But I should come up with more for them. Thinking his 'dark secret' is a passion for dance that was never accepted by the family.

Bowtilda don't know.

There's a creepy little girl clown who is supposedly Psychic that I've named Elma. Don't know what role she'd play but probably someone's daughter.

Archie the Waitress, don't know. Was thinking at some point Leah fucks them.

I was also considering having the Duchess appear as a French Maid, but I've decided that if she does show up, I'll save it for next chapter because if I do or don't, it won't add much here.

I'll need to give this another pass to catch weird errors, but for now I'm gonna post it before it sits in limbo forever.
Visitor Sisu
>M Human/F Eastern Dragon, Bestiality, Sisu (Raya and the last Dragon), Swimming, Face fucking, Vaginal Contractions (there's a lot), Creampie
https://rentry.org/boatsisuboatsisu
A sailor encounters Sisu. They have a cool time, she gets his pants off.
I wrote this as a form of cope. About what, no one will ever know. I'll do a proper pass for weird stuff later, sleep is now.

>>72482400
>>72482520
A polite acknowledgement. I have nothing to suggest, problem being I like what I'm reading.
Looking forward to the next chapter.

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>>72343798
>>72345982
Coward, I cross-dressed in front of both my and my, at the time, girlfriend's parents. FYI I live in the deep south and my entire family volunteers at church.

>>72482520
>There's a smuggler clown Vinny the Hands, who I'm thinking plays the Barons cousin. But I should come up with more for them. Thinking his 'dark secret' is a passion for dance that was never accepted by the family.
Maybe he should be massively stuffy and serious so that when he starts busting moves, it comes across as more surprising?

>>72482520
>There's a creepy little girl clown who is supposedly Psychic that I've named Elma. Don't know what role she'd play but probably someone's daughter.
Maybe she’s the Jester’s daughter since she is the creepy one of the group.

>>72482520
>Archie the Waitress, don't know. Was thinking at some point Leah fucks them.
Maybe she could be the majordomo and thus be the boss of all the "staff" characters.

>>72487595
The US is very much different from Russia. You'd most likely get attacked there just for wearing a blouse, please understand
You're based though, I wish I weren't a coward either ^^;

>>72343798
>Yet
Foreshadowing is a literary device where-

up

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>>72489996
One day, anon, one day...

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https://www.deviantart.com/samaster/art/1148402642

Okay well I managed to figure out the casting, it helped that I found a place to make a family tree on a site that helped me visualize the different roles and helped me figure out different possibilities for organizing the family roles that I think helped me make the 'Bloodthorne family' more diverse (by which I mean having different kinds of family members with different dynamics).

Now I don't quite know what I'll do for the next chapter outside of the first scene, so I'm looking forward to feedback.

>>72495844
>Cursed Clussy Carnival
>Clussy, Clownification, Murder-Mystery

I wrote a 50K word story that's not a greentext. Do I just post it here for criticism or are there better boards/threads/whatever to post it at?

>>72495964
See >>72361439 and here is fine.
If it's a fan work, finding generals pertaining to the franchise or related areas also helps. The more places you post it, the better. Although feedback is never guaranteed.

>>72495964
you've put a 50k word greentext into my head now and that idea is horrifying

>>72496089
It's an original thing, to be clear, not a fanwork. It's a love story, I think.
https://pastebin.com/yVXseL3t
I'm not 100% used to pastebin, lemme know if it's broken or something.
Feel free to suggest things, I need some unbiased people to look at it and anons are as unbiased as you can get I suppose.


>>72496420
yeah, this is the biggest thing I've ever made, I started work on the 4th and have been continuously writing pretty much every day. I finished last night.
I have been told this is unusual.

>>72496759
Private pastebin. Can't read it.
I'd try rentry.org to share the story. In addition, since you have what I presume to be 50k words in one file, I'd try to split it up into readable chunks, preferably 10k or so, or organize the chapters for pacing sake in that one rentry link.

>>72496811
Damn.
The story has some nsfw elements, including violence, sex and blasphemy ;) so pastebin forced my hand to make it private.
I'll try Rentry, I gotta go to work soon so I don't have time to format it properly or split it into 10k chunks, sorry. I'll try to split it due to the size limit.
https://rentry.org/7sihgnrk here are the first 2/3rds
https://rentry.org/b7ha8snw here is the last bit.
sorry for the roughness.

>>72497036
>56
>57
>58
>59

>60 offices. 22 hotel lobbies. 73 smoking rooms. 11 dentist offices. 6 police stations. 120 unfinished apartments. 2 recently used operating theaters. Countless unknowable transitional areas. No place to live.

The start, I admit, is a bit confusing. Not sure if this is a leftover from copypasting from the pastebin, but there's a number of numbered lists scattered at the very beginning. Does this girl like lists and numbers?
>Sex
...what are the pairings?

>>72495844
This was pretty fun. I'm going to bed now, but when I wake up, I'll provide feedback.

>>72497036
Looks like the formatting was messed up somehow. I don't see any reason for the lists. Also:
>"Her eyes changed color?" He said
>etc.
Please use standard punctuation. Here's /wfg/'s most re-posted link:
https://theeditorsblog.net/2010/12/08/punctuation-in-dialogue/

>>72498446
>>72505074

There are some formatting issues, yes. This is the beta version of the story so pls have mercy in regards to grammar or formatting issues,
This is going from txt document to google docs to weird third party website

what do you mean, pairings? I don't understand what you are asking of me.
The main guy and gal bone I guess lol

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>>72506600
Respect the pear.

>>72495844
>>72495859
>Tap-on-the-breaks Sally
Heh.

>Readership thinking how nice it would be to lick all that off the The Jester.
Lewd we must. Sorry about that.

>Cal: ...evil clown dimension...fight skeletons...
Aw come on, Cal. Sexy clown girls! The skeletons are kinda annoying but, SEXY DUBMBASS CLOWN GIRS!

>Dat actual Sally name.
Oh. OK, then.

>R.E. housing wannabe.
Eh. I still say you shouldn't have used La Rondinaia. Ahem.

>Actors pairing up.
Aw. Cute.

>Cal didn't know where to sit and was dragged Cal to sit
One too many Cal's there I think.

>as he watched the Butler alone into a nearby room.
Walked? Sailed? Decohered?

>1. Focus on the investigation?
I'm pretty sure by this point he's convinced getting Leah to do anything is a fool's errand. Or visa versa.
>Leah: GOGOGO!
>Cal: No.
Lawl.

>Too many characters?
Don't need a reference crutch. I'm good.

Sorry I don't have any pointers or issues with the writing. Again, looking forward to the next chapter!

>>72500436
So my favorite characters so far are Trevor and Leah. I like Trevor's dedication to his craft/affability and Leah is pretty fun with how she's cutting loose.

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morning bump

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Requesting a one-shot smut fic involving Patrica Wagon from the Mighty Switch Force series training a new male recruit to the police force. However, recruit suffers from exposure to Patrica's ass and fucks up a number of training exercises, especially running, climbing, and crawling behind her. She punishes him with each fuckup that has the side effect of being in close quarter intimacy with him, from pushups with her sitting on his back, her getting way too close and 'assisting' in stretches/yoga, to putting him in random sexy leg locks and even landing/sitting on his face during ladder training because he was too slow.
He eventually can't take it and finds a way to touch, play, and lewd her in return (types of returned punishment is up for the writer to choose)

>>72510372
La Rondinia?

>Cal didn't know where to sit and was dragged Cal to sit
Fixed.

>as he watched the Butler alone into a nearby room.
Fixed.

Anyway I did decide to do a small character roster- just grouping some of the character portraits with their names for reference if anyone might get confused. Or they're illiterate and just want to look at the pictures.

https://www.deviantart.com/samaster/art/Cursed-Clussy-Carnival-Cast-Roster-1149792275
>>72511675
Great to hear!

Anyway what I'm wondering now is if I can start referring to the characters as the characters they are playing or not. I feel it might be a bit confusing when most of the characters are being 'in-character'.

As for the chapter itself I'm not too sure which direction to take things. I feel like I should end it on a choice that really lets the audience get a feel they are influencing the investigation? Should I focus maybe on two different leads? Or maybe two different prime suspects?

So far I only got the first scene in my head, Cal gets to the Lobby with everyone else, and we see Edgar has been stabbed... with a spoon. They planned on using a real knife to real stab Edgar with (it's just he could tank the hit thanks to the circus magic), but they just have him holding a spoon between his arm and facing down on the floor. A little bit of fun could be had with Leah being upset that their dead body isn't really committing to the bit.

Then maybe the Duchess appears in a french maid outfit to join in on things? (updates everyone that she is conducting a real investigation into the real murder).

Then maybe everyone is sent to their rooms? Cal and Leah get the Master Bedroom that I was thinking in a tower dubbed 'the witches tower' because it has a witches hat (a real name for a type of tower with a conical roof).

Then I don't know.

>>72519043
I have other little mini scenes in my head I don't know to string together.

Trebediah Bloodthorne revealing he got his dick shot off in the war and hence fears his father disinherited him (his dark secret). I'm thinking that Cal automatically discounts him as a suspect as he's the most obvious suspect, being the man with seemingly the most to lose from a last minute will change. But Cal knows that it's never the obvious guy in a mystery, it's boring and not a mystery if what you think happened happened.

Thinking that Cal and Leah bump into more belligerent skeletons in the mansion who somehow keep finding a way in. A good place would be the wine cellar (it's full of grape juice). Also the garden. Maybe the attic? On the note of the layout I'm thinking the mansion has a lot of unreal space to it, and Elma/Edith the creepy little girl is the one who introduces this. Maybe she's 'run away' in the commotion prompting Cal and Leah to go find her?

I was also looking for a scene where the DJ for the Monster Mashers maybe calls it quits and somehow the Jester ends up replacing them- accidentally doing a great job, playing them electro swings that a bunch of boomer skeletons are into. This should happen towards the end of the arc I think- but this would sort of cap off a 'Skeleton Invasion' threat. Want a funky name for the DJ. Was gonna go with something like DJ Infernum- but then I thought Disco Inferno would be a great name for a Disco obsessed skeleton, which has morphed into me wanting a Disco Skeleton faction (Disco never dies).
(cont.)