>Often do overtime around the office.>Cute coworker does too.>Start flirting, go out a few times, nothing serious as she says she just came out of a relationship.>Come to work one day.>Our supervisor is there.>He’s married, turns out cute coworker was his mistress and dumped him.>I try to leave, supervisor won’t let me and tells me to get to work.>Have to do my job while they argue in the next cubicle.>Says she loves her, will leave his wife for her, yadda yadda yadda.>He’s heard she’s seeing someone new and demands to know who it is, circles back to it several times in their conversation.>She deflects every time, but lets it slip it’s someone from office and they’re just close because they spend time together.>Supervisor never catches on I’m the usually the only one who does overtime at the same time as her.>mfw during the entire conversation.Not to mention it went on for TWO FUCKING HOURS.
My sister and I once pretended to be a couple to get into a swingers club.
>>217216826Did you...?
>>217216731>I never actually got to fuck her and ended up being the cuck in the cubicle Kek, classic 4chan greentext.
>>217216731Lol what a slut.
>>217216731Let me guess you didn’t even put your ding dong in her though did you lmao
>ITT Shit that never happened
>>217217397>>217217478OP bailed lol
>>217217570I got to second base in the company bathroom and then she transferred to another branch. I didn't want to risk my job anyway.
>>217217618Uh huh.
>>217216731
>>217216731One time I was rucking next to the busy street I live near, and found a $50 bill on the sidewalkIt just blew in the wind, and landed on my chest. I thought it was a leaf, but nope, it was literally $50. I was like wtf Gave it to my dad
>>217217693>ruckingEmbarrassing.
>>217217618>second base in the company bathroom>as in, didn’t EASILY seal the deal right before the finish line>”b-but because I didn’t wanna risk my job though, that’s why”Holy shit you fucking autismo dork, you should have just lied and said you nailed her or some shit but that is fucking pathetically embarrassing. How do you fumble your pocket spaghetti that hard when you’re already diving into home plate you sperg
>>217217618Was that before or after you realized you weren’t straight
>>217216731Had a showdown outside a bar with a rival in the street with a small crowd in a circle around us watching as I calmly eviscerated him verbally. Called him a coward and a liar who used his kids as a shield when it suited him. He panicked and left the scene.The woman we were rivals over came home with me and we had incredibly passionate sex.When I woke up the next morning she was gone. She'd left a note on the kitchen table saying she'd booked a flight back to her home country and that she was ashamed and sorry about everything and all the hurt she caused me. I went into a bit of a spiral drinking and taking heroin for a few months then got clean. Couple of years later and she still occasionally emails me but I ignore them. Banged one of her close friends who was there that night and was obviously impressed with how easily I destroyed another man for a while, too.It felt damn good. Seems like women love it when a man is passionate but doesn't lose his head. I've been planning a novella about the whole situation leading up to and including the confrontation at its aftermath because it was a pretty wild time.I told my therapist about it and they said it sounded like a scene straight out of a film lol.
>>217218257What crappy anime is this from. Also>rivalHoly autism kek
>>217218257> planning a novella Don’t.
>>217218311Have you never been in a rivalry with another man over a woman, anon? Happens all the time, so much so that love triangles are one of the most used plot devices in all types of media. Ironic that you call me an autist yet don't know a basic, universal human experience that people can relate to no matter where they're from (except permavirgins like you, I guess.)P.S. I have watched like two anime films in my life.
>>217218373Okay if you say so :(
>>217216731Walked into the storage room and heard strange noises coming from the backI walked towards to find my semi arch rival dyke coworker fingering her pussy on a counter It was the hottest thing I ever saw, perfect tits soft flushed body her thick thighs spread wide showing her busily lingering her hair pussy. A face grew to hate deeply, was twisted an pleasure and concentration smiles and lip biting her eyes closed soft moans and little sighs seemed to reverberating off of the wallsI couldn't help myself, my cock had grown painfully hard down my left thigh ive never needed a woman more then I needed herI walked towards her knocking over a box shocking her back to the real worldShe looked at me her face blushed a deep red She tried to speak and move but she saw me unzip my pants and watched me struggle to pull them down. A little holy shit escaped her mouth I walked towards her while she pretended to try to get dressed I was next to her before she could take a full breath a moment of staring into each other's eyes broken by her sharp intake if breath and a moan of need fulfilled my mouth was on hers to silence her. As I forced the full length into her shuddering perfect body.Her resistance merely a formality, an attempt to retain her virtue or merely part of an elaborate fantasy of her inner workd she wished to add to this moment.
>>217218496Emoticon faggot
>>217218449No actually, I haven’t. This isn’t mating season in fucking Yellowstone where I have to give a whole competitive performance to woo a mate, if there’s some bitch who’s on the fence between me and some other cunt she can fuck right off. You sound like a huge loser fighting over scraps of pussy like that lol, it’s not something to proud of and it’s not as much of an epic cinematic moment as you probably imagine in your head looking back, mostly seems pretty retarded like a slap-fight
>>217218257What country did this take place in?
>>217217326of coursh
>>217218257Was this before or after you realized you’re gay lmao
>>217218576You seem like a gotten to faggot lol.
>>217218626They never answer this question lol
>>217218727In English?
>>217218727>”sir you have been being a homosexuality”
>>217218727Hey man, at least I’m not the faggot who deliberately typed the words “I calmly eviscerated him verbally” lol
>>217218759You appear disproportionately incensed about a post on 4chan and are quite possibly a homosexual.
>>217218848I wasnt even the anon you were bickering with
>>217218833It sounds like something niles would say kek
>>217219279Yeah, pretty much. Not a good thing
>>217218681Your a big insister
>>217219352It sounds like it could be a funny scene in Frasier
>>217216731My life has been one scene from Falling Down after another for the last decade or so
>>217219997I can relate to that
>>217220213>Her boyfriend was either so stupid he never found out or he was self-aware about what he was doing himself and really couldn't complainThe guy who is fucking half of campus doesn't care about the loser fucking his hanger-on.
>>217216731>be me>starving>go into restaurant>waitress tells me I can have anything I want>suddenly I'm fucking her in bed>have no idea how I got hereI think I was drugged...
>>217216731> I'm in fifth grade.> Get into argument with some d-bag at lunch.> He says we are fighting after school. > I am waiting outside after class on full alert.> D-bag spots me and starts running at me full speed.> I square up and get ready. > Just before he reaches me, he trips over a tree root and slams face first into tree trunk. > He is laying on the ground crying with a bloody nose. > Everyone hears him crying and turns to look.> I take advantage of the situation.> Ask him in a really loud voice if he's had enough or does he want some more.> He spends the next two weeks telling everyone he hit a tree and I didn't beat him up.>Nobody believes him.
>>217220420Yeah that's exactly what it was
>>217219887>funny>Frasier
>>217220563kek
>>217216731>this one time at work, nothing happeneduh... cool story OP
I used to work as a cleaner in Canada (Red Deer Alberta) during a working holiday over there. It was at a big call center I think it Convergies or something like that. I was the happiest one there just cleaning all day but when I used to clean the womans bathroom a french-canuck woman Angelina (she was cute af) used to duck in when the cleaning sign was outside and we'd talk while she sat on the benchtop. She often mentioned just breaking up with her BF. Nothing ever happened.
>>217220669OP just couldn't wait to get home and tell his friends on /tv/ what happened at work today.
>>217220704You do understand that, if a woman is complaining about her bf/husband to you, that's pretty much a guarantee you can bang her, right?
>>217220775I do now but I'm 40 :( I shoulda kissed her or>cleaning the benchtop/sinks while she sits on it and talks>Get's to where she's sitting, have to clean under>Gently pull her towards me while I clean the benchtop>Our torsos are touching while I clean behind the benchtop behind her, holding her gently on the small of her back. We smile and lean close to each other.> Benchtop is cleaned. Push her back, holding her thighs.>Time to clean the toilets>Ask her if she know where to buy some weed
>go out for beers with two friends, one male one female>they're both cocaine addicts>arrive at bar, female friend starts talking to some guy who looks like Jack Sparrow + Chris Angel>he's telling her he's got cocaine at her house>she says she'll go if us two guys can come too, he accepts>i don't want to go but i don't want to abandon my friends with this fucking weirdo>the guy lives in a giant basement of some apartment complex>it's fucking filthy and dusty, literally a psycho killer's dungeon>the guy starts preparing the cocaine in the bathroom, tells my female friend to come inside>she goes inside, my other friend starts looking through the guy's stuff trying to find whatever>i start freaking out and tell him to stop, thinking if this guy finds him doing that he's gonna freak out>friend goes to the bathroom and demands a line, all three start arguing, i just want to fucking leave as soon as possible>the weirdo comes out of the bathroom, takes off his shirt, grabs two gigantic knives and says to me 'look what i can do' and starts frantically stabbing a concrete pillar that stands in the middle of his 'home', and for the looks of it it has been stabbed like a million times before, he keeps repeating 'look at this, look at this!'>eventually he stops and goes into the bathroom>after a while they all come out with the cocaine on a plate>the weirdo snorts a line, my friends start preparing for themselves>the fucking guy stands in front of a giant mirror that's standing next to his stove, drops his pants showing this fat grotesque cock and starts flexing his arms with the most insane facial expression, the guy is pretty jacked>my friends are sitting with their backs to this scene so they don't know what this guy is doing>i've just been sitting there for the last 20 minutes completely paralyzed without saying a word>eventually my female friend goes to the bathroom and the crazy guy tells us we should leave because they're gonna fuck>cont'd
>>217221142lmao continue
>>217221142>i'm like 'ok' and get the fuck out of thereit reminded me of that one scene from Boogie Nights with the firecrackers, it might not seem much but it was the most tense moment of my life, i actually thought this fucking guy was gonna kill us all, needless to say i stopped hanging out with those guys, don't do cocaine kids
>>217217693One time I found $20 under my front door mat.I thought it was like a secret drop off for drugs or something (that I didn't have) so I left the 20 in case they came looking for the drugs (I didn't have any to exchange)
>>217221081Kek, you're a fuckin idiot. I'm glad I had low enough autism levels to capitalize on my opportunities when I was younger.
>>217221475I got paid $9.50 an hour to clean. Not to fuck bitches. I didn't realise you could do both :(
>>217216731>THIS IS JUST LIKE A HECKIN MOVIE!!!!!!!>MY LIFE IS A MOVIE1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>217221266That's actually a well known trap. The drug dealers were using your house as a drug dropp off zone and they put the money under the doormat to test if you're cool or not. Guess what? You passed.
>>217221142The floor is yours. Please continue
>>217221776Shut the fuck up emoticon faggot
>>217219352>>217219279>>217218833Why are there so many bitter dweebs itt. Getting utterly buttblasted because someone used a melodramatic phrase because the topic of the thread is things that happened irl that felt like it came straight out of a movie.God forbid someone make something more dramatic than it really using language. Get laid jesus christ, or better yet read a fucking book once in a while you philistines.>>217218626Germany, almost a decade ago now.>>217218756Who even asks the question 'What country did this take place in?'.
>>217221835He's not coming back.
>>217221902:0
>>217221913I literally said it sounded like Niles you stupid fuck.
>>217221991Hey do you need a snickers? you seem cranky
>>217221913>America is a piece of shit country, fuck you fatties >where are you from?>w-why does that matter?Every time. Every board should have flags. All the third worlders are afraid of being discriminated against based on their shithole countries. Delicious irony.
>>217221913>Called him a coward and a liar who used his kids as a shield when it suited him.>Germany Now I know you were saying this in your hideous god awful language and just like that it makes your story fucking suck. Eat shit, kraut.
>>217216826that is a fucking top tier movie idea
>>217222658Are you thinking Seth Rogan and Sydney Sweeney? We can cgi when they need to kiss each other to prove they're a couple
>>217216731Good suspense thriller
>>217216826I really hope that you're telling the truth
>>217222482America is a fucking peice of shit counrty I'm from Australia let's fucking go cunt. Any 'country' with land borders is a disgrace. Your lazy ansestors didn't finish the job
>>217222739Quick, what do you call chocolate milk?
>>217222747Chocolate milk. What are you getting upto cunt?
>>217222766Sure you do, baby talker.
>>217220563 Best story in thread.
consistently the one of my friend group who gets kicked out of bars. Usually for instigating fights that took no effort or just talking back. Like no drunkbro posturing at all just straight up winning conversations. Always reminds me of laurel and hardy, except my hardy moved away 2 years ago. Miss my partner in crime every day
My life is like a mix of Drive and Bladerunner 2049 with me as Ryan Gosling
>>217220563he hit a tree? Idk anon that's not what I heard. Heard you beat his ass
I leased luxury apartments and my co worker and I fucked inside the model apartments after closing the office and would fuck in newly leased apartments the day before the new tenants moved in. I don't know if that's Hollywood tier but I look back with some disgust. I was 24 and stupid. Shouldn't have been fucking in people's future homes like that. Leaving my ball and ass sweat all over the carpet.
>>217222482Huh. I didn't even mention America? Plus I'm not from a third world country.>>217222630I'm not German you fucking schizo.
>>217222840Okay, so what language was your dumb story spoken in?
My brother and I used to work as magicians, and our rival kept fucking us over and trying to steal our secret tricks.Anyway long story short he ended up linking up with some crazy engineer guy and made some elaborate machine to emulate our very simple trick, and then he horribly drowned below stage.
>>217222778Can an Americn please help me understand?
>>217222894This is some whos on first shit. Intentional or not.
>>217222840>I'm not German you fucking schizo.But you are reddit.
>>217222894Aussies enjoy 'choccy milk' for 'brecky'.
>>217222888>crazy *Nigger guyand he drowned? This is the first I'm hearing of this
>>217222961I don't drink sugar. Breakfast is a black coffee
>>217222894just busting your buttons I think. Its anCestors btw. Don't wanna be out there getting accused of being dravidian.>>217218848speaking of which, never heard this word used like this before. See aren't we all having fun?
>>217221913>Why are there so many bitter dweebs ittIt's been more than 20 fucking years, when will people understand that this website is populated by bitter retards?
>>217222961Australia has had quick since the 50s
>>217223000That’s fine, but knock it off with the toddler talk.
>>217222482Muttmerica is a third world shithole.
>>217223005fuck me. "Incensed" was the word
>>217223012Normalfags and reddit will never get it.
>>217223024hey man, we have water and electricity. How else can we assblast you past midnight mutt time (MMT) ?
>>217223025You had me wondering
>>217223024Uh huh and where are you from?
>>217223024>Muttmerica is a third world shithole.
>>217223037>assblastI got a reaction from ye.>>217223047Why does it matter?
>>217223076>w-why does it matter? Every time. Flags on all boards.
>>217223066>B-BUT CHINA!!!Zigger-tier whataboutism.
>>217223090Explain to me why does it matter? Skidrows would disappear and your groceries would become affordable?Cretin, you don't even understand banter.
>>217223125Mmhmm. Where are you from?
>>217223131Why does it matter?
>>217223142Flags on all boards. No more hiding.
>>217223148I'm here and muttlandia is a third world country.
>>217223153The reason we need flags on all boards is because you foreigners are too ashamed to reveal where you’re from, knowing it would invalidate anything you have to say. You’re proving my point perfectly here.
>>217223173Proving that muttmerica is a third world shithole?
>>217223180And where might you be from?
In my teenage years me and my best friend ran from the cops while drunk. All the cliche things you can imagine happened. I actually slid across the hood of the cop car like they used to do in the 80s movies. This was about 11pm, in a pretty rural area, we were drinking at an open baseball field and the cops pulled up like we were FBI most wanted criminals. We ran laughing towards the treeline, got about a block away, hid under some thick leafy type foliage as a cop pulled up and used his search light. It went right over our heads for 2 minutes and he finally drove off lol. Very surreal moment. We kept cutting through backyards to stay in the trees and away from the main roads. It was like every other house had a fucking dog in the backyard. Not barking from the windows, right in the backyard chained to the porch. And every couple times we alerted a dog a cop car came flying in from a side street and would stop to scan for us.They were too lazy to get out of their cars or they never saw us at all (which is surprising because at least twice the only cover I had was the tree I was hiding behind). Took about 35 mins for us to get to the house, the whole time I was barefoot and felt nothing on my feet, the adrenaline was pumping.
>>217223186Why does it matter? Even Aussies dunk on you.
>>217223202Mmhmm.
>>217216731>off-topic blogposting thread about MUH WAHMEN AND LE PUSSYplease end your lives.
>>217223214Muttmerica is a third world shithole.
>>217223229Go back tourist
>>217223240Illustrating my point further: >>217222840 >>217222867. That guy still hasn’t answered me. If you’re too cowardly to reveal your irrelevant country of origin, nothing you say matters. Not that you matter anyway since you’re not from the U.S.
First Post>Real life experiences straight out of the moviesLast Post>In connection with the Jewish question I have this to say:>For hundreds of years Germany was good enough to receive these elements, although they possessed nothing except infectious political and physical diseases. What they possess today, they have by a very large extent gained at the cost of the less astute German nation by the most reprehensible manipulations.Today we are merely paying this people [back] what it deserves….>Above all, German culture...is German and not Jewish, and therefore its management and carewill be entrusted to members of our own nation…Europe cannot settle down until the Jewish question is cleared up.>We must once and for all get rid of the opinion that the Jewish race was only created by God for the purpose of being in a certain percentage a parasite living on the body and the productive work of other nations.>Today I will once more be a prophet: If the international Jewish financiers in and outside Europe should succeed in plunging the nations once more into a world war, then the result will not be the Bolshevization of the earth, and thus the victory of Jewry, but the annihilation of the Jewish race in Europe!
>>217221142Having tried cocaine a few times now and hung out with cokeheads till the night ended, I can decisively say that it fucking sucks and cokeheads are the fucking worst, at least until you get to actual fiend shit like meth or heroin. Zero desire to ever try that shit again or be around those kinds of people.
>>217223314I had a hotel room once and I brought some cocaine and my male friend tried to kiss me
>>217223314you can get lucky and find a nice girl once in a while but its honestly not worth. Catch em in the day
>>217216731hahaha >be emotional tampon while your boss is getting somei hope you stopped being her little bitch afterwards
>>217223339That’s on you for being friends with faggots. I’ve been high as a kite and wasted drunk. At no point did I ever want to try gay shit.
>>217216731Partied the night before an early morning flight after a weeks-long trip to a faraway country with a buddy, ended up doing a bunch of painkillers (no idea why, never done that shit before or since) and blacking out. My last memory was the club, next thing I know I come to and not only am I all the way inside of the airport, with my luggage, but I'm sat in a fucking wheelchair. I vaguely remember a vietnamese guy shouting at me and my friends telling me something about them being worried I was gonna have a seizure, then I blacked out again. I awake again and I'm landing in Qatar. wacky shit, don't do painkillers kids
I also eat cold pizza from the fridge with ranch dressing I'm turning into The Whale
>>217223369At the time I was a gay for pay prostitue in Syndey (Kinghtcall) and he was another escort we worked together. But he knew I was straight it was weird beacuse I was like 'Hey I'm not gay outside of work"
>>217223339>>217223340my issues is twofoldone is that cokeheads, at least the kind you meet as strangers on a binge, tend to be absolute fucking scumbags who will pull some unhinged prisoner's dilemma tier shenanigans on you just to scam you out of 20 bucksthe second issue is that coke comedowns are to me worse than almost any other drug I've ever tried, and the high isn't even that special to me. I guess if it works for you it works for you, but for me I don't see the point, you get 20 minutes of high energy for every bump but every bump you take is an extra level of horror and woe that fucks you to death the moment you come off it. I'd much rather just get drunk with my buddies and just have a good wholesome time than do that shit ever again, I'll also never understand how politicians/famous people manage to do it constantly without the comedowns making them commit suicide.
>>217218257>planning a novellaIt wasn't even worth a 4chan post so I wouldn't recommend that
>>217223410Kill yourself faggot scum
>>217218532You could make money with this stuff anon. I'm writing a fantasy novel and I admire your prose.
>>217220563best itt
>>217218532lol
>>217220563Based bully-beater-upper
>>217223452That post is filled with typos and written terribly, anon.
>>217221142>>217221184KekWell? Did they fuck?
>>217222818Kill yourself as penance
>>217223416I never did coke much, if you brought it on the streets here the woman have wrapped capsules in their mouth wrapped in condoms. $70 for two lines I usually just smoked weed to get thru the day/night. But poppers were awesome
>>217222818nigga livin in a property sex video
>>217223423I'll outlast all of you out of pure spite and dance on your graves. If your going to die just say no.
>>217223549I'm aggressively against most stimulants and suspicious of pretty much all synthetics at this point, the only drugs I tolerate are weed (quit because my line of work does drug tests) and shrooms every six months or so, otherwise it be the rum for me
>>217223410You're a faggot dude
>>217223410you're literally just gay anon, it's okay, but don't lie to yourself or us
>>217220563oh that's damianhe's almost too fucking based to function
>>217223571>>217223590It's been 20+ years (I watched 9/11 while getting fucked and then me and the client sat watching the towers fall smoking weed) and haven't had a cock up my ass since guys. You're overestimating this
>>217223568I would never do anything now apart from weed. not worth the risk
>>217223677not even shrooms? I'm not talking a hero dose either, just like a medium dose every few months to check in on yourself a little? It's less harmful than even weed, and nobody laces fucking shrooms. Funny story, I knew a guy who knew a guy from sweden whose dealer laced his weed with something like benzos, not sure how but the guy couldn't figure out why this particular dealer's stuff was so stupidly good/addictive until someone revealed the secret and they all ditched him
>>217216731 >Have a date with some zoomer girl and she wants to get stoned at the park together>Haven't smoked in years and have no idea where to buy weed anymore but I say Absolutely!>On the way to grocery store I am approached by a middle aged mulatto transvestite in a dirty pink dress>They say "Hey do you want to buy some weed?">Gut feeling of danger but my sex addiction is stronger so I say Sure>They say Follow me and they make a b-line for some apartment blocks adjascent to the strip mall>I live in a decently affluent area of the city so I am shocked when they walk right past the nice apartment blocks to a hidden complex that looks like a Syrian warzone>Cement staircase on the left side has collapsed into rubble with sharp iron girders jutting out>There is a toddler in a heavy diaper pushing around a shopping trolley full of empty soda cans>Transvestite leads me up the functional stairwell and then starts banging on an apartment door and yelling for ten minutes>I suggest that we should just go but tranvestite says I know they're in there!>Door actually does open and a blonde lady with missing teeth holding a baby and a crackpipe tells us to give her the money and come back in fifteen minutes>Tranvestite says that we can wait at their apartment.>Their apartment is cluttered with dreamcatchers, art supplies and rusting vintage cigarette and poker machines>They have an old lady as a housemate who is knitting while watching an incredibly violent slasher film at full volume>Sit in silence for five minutes until transvestite says "You know I'm actually psychic">I say Okay>They say No really! I am a penis psychic. I can tell what somebody's penis looks like just from looking into their eyes.
>>217223717>I feign interest but they can see that I am skeptical so they demonstrate>Sit there while they scribble regretting my entire chain of decisions that day>Transvestite says Ta-Dah! And then they show me a perfectly rendered, hyperrealistic charcoal sketch of my penis.>Not just any penis My penis. >The tilt. >The birthmark near the balls>Primal fear pulses through me like poison>I do my best to remain blasé and say Wow that's really something, could I have that please?>Transvestite says No, all of the sketches stay with me>They stand up and walk over to their bedroom door and open it revealing hundred of penis drawings pinned to the back of the door>Get the drugs and get the fuck out of there>Spend seven years ocassionally feeling a pang of horror about my penis hanging up there with all of the others
>>217223370Paracetamol is a helluva drug.
>>217223717>>217223728you briefly went to the same dimension that the chair company show happens in anon lmao
>>217223752not paracetamol, it was benzodiazepam and codeine, potentially other stuff but those two I know for sure I took, in large quantities.I'm not really proud of this, It's the single closest I've ever come to dying in retrospect
>>217223571>>217223423It's like calling someone a vegan because they work at a vegan resuturant. Idk still got paid
>>217223410>gay for payUnless your mom needs cancer meds or you're addicted to meth or some shit there's no such thing as gay for pay. To a straight man getting fucked by another dude is on the same level as getting a finger chopped off.
>>217223717>>217223728Fun story, but how does every country not have recreational marijuana dispensaries?
>>217223782*benzodiazepinecan never remember the fucking spellingthere might have been oxycodone as well, unsure.
>>217223469It has its moments>my mouth was on hers to silence her>her resistance merely a formality, an attempt to retain her virtue or merely part of an elaborate fantasy He's a talented writer and could compete in that industry if he put in the effort. Women pay money for this slop.
>>217223799No I was just in a new country and thought fuck it I want to be an escort so I went into the Adultshop and said "I would like to be an escort" and the man behind the counter open the Sydney Gay Times newspaper and pointed to an ad for Knightcall which was just down the street. 2 hours later I was there and showed my penis. I made $600 that day. It was a very comfy job
>>217223784You could have done anything. You chose to do fag shit. Youre a fag.
>>217223835>It was a very comfy jobFucking faggot.
>>217223835Least gay Australian.
Got separated from my friends outside of a bar and tried to fight an entire party of college kids in front of their house. Thankfully they were all white and it literally looked like a scene from a movie when they'd go in like 1-2 at a time, I would have been dead if they were niggers. They fought honorably despite all of us being drunk.Eventually one guy oblique kicked my knee and sent me down, and another guy rabbit punched me in the back of the head and I hit the grass hard. In my daze I see someone leap over me and start doing wild kicks at the kids, it was some random ass asian dude with fingerless gloves. He told me he had my back and went into a kung-fu stance or some shit it was so fucking surreal.As he stood there doing some crouching tiger hidden dragon shit we heard sirens and everyone scattered. It probably lasted less than three minutes but it felt like an eternity.
>>217222867>>217223258English. I doubt you know much about the world but there are lots of expats living and working in Berlin where English is the lingua franca.Please have sex or take a xanax, you're getting hysterical.>>217222955I can almost guarantee I've been browsing this shithole for longer than you. People who accuse others of being reddit are 99% of the time a newfag or reddit tourist. So please, go back.
>>217223890kino, best one yet
>>217223782It was a joke.>mixing benzos and opiatesIt's a based combo but yeah, don't take too much otherwise you'll end up like you did or worse.
>>217223717>>217223728Another time I made a kid believe in God.>First grade and I have a kleptomaniac streak>Every week we have Show and Tell where three or four kids have to bring in an interesting object and tell the class about it>For some reason I start to steal things from one particular kid called Irwin>Irwin had a reputation for making up stories so credibility was on my side>Would excuse myself to the bathroom and then take whatever toy he had brought from his backpack>I didn't even want any of this crap so I started stashing it in a tree hollow>One time he brought his older brother's university badge and I felt a little bad about taking that one since he kept reiterating how important it was to keep it safe>Admonished and berated by his parents>Pigeonholed as irresponsible>"Things don't just dissapear">Last day of the school year I remember of all the stuff I was stashing in the hollow>I retrieve it all and unceremoniously shove the items into his bag>I hide in the bushes until he goes out to retrieve something from his bag>He opens the backpack>He stumbles back in shock>He looks to the heavens and whispers Thank youKid is a preacher now inspite of his incredibly secular and STEM heavy family. I don't know why I did all of that.
>>217223892So you 'destroyed your rival' by telling him that he hides behind his kids? Your rival was just some dad? It’s not a good story, anon.
>>217223813This was about a year before the "medical" dispensaries came to fruition.
>>217223892I've been here around 17 years.
>>217223835>It was a very comfy jobNo judgment but you are not a heterosexual FYI. That's PTSD level shit for a straight man. We would rather be homeless panhandlers than take another man's dick. Even in a life or death situation it would still be a maybe, and that would be the most traumatic moment of a straight man's life. We wouldn't be posting about it on 4chan like it's no big deal, we'd be in therapy or hunting down the guy who fucked us so we could torture him to death.Just letting you know so you can find a good man and live your best life together.
>>217223890
>>217223909never touching it again, I can't express how trippy it was to, in the span of what mentally felt like half an hour, go from clubbing, to being shouted at in an airport unable to walk, to suddenly landing in a foreign country. By the time my connecting flight got home I was still a little fucked up, and I spend the whole of the next day with this overwhelming sense of fear and dread. I'm just pissed that I made my friend delete the photo of me in the wheelchair, in retrospect that in particlar fucking hilarious.
>>217223945>No judgmentIm judging him.
>>217223969sorry sleep deprived so I'm typing like an esl
Hey guys, just a reminder the topic is 'Real life experiences straight out of the movies'. Please keep on topic I don't want to lock the thread.
>>217224001ha this post is humourous because you are play acting like on reddit
>>217223910It may have been your hands that carried that badge from the tree to the little boy's backpack, but it was God's hand on your shoulder when you did it.
>layover in Taiwan>10pm>bus info is all in hieroglyphs>chink walking by whispering 'taxi'>sure seems legit>takes me on a bus>we get off just outside the airport where his car is parked on the road>get in back>no door handle>you want to go to the expensive hotel?>fuck no>drives entirely around the airport which is shitty industrial run down crime area all airports are>halfway through second lap around airport he pulls down some road>gets out, talks to some other chink lady>I pay the fair which is who knows what fake dollars>pay lady for room which is less than the ride>jam chair against doorEverything better than expected.>next day walking around another chink pulls over and offers me a ride back to the airport.>he's a pilot and speaks english, said he trained in Michigan or something>tells me there is a free tour bus>try to take tour, it's only for shorter layovers>take bus into the city>get off in mall>crazy rich mall with jewelry stores and stuff I'd never see here>pay to go up the elevator>guy in the elevator in a tuxedo controlling it>I'm 3 days on planes and nicely homeless looking>turns out its the tallest building in the world>can't see shit, it's all cloud cover>burger king has the menu on the counter to point at, nice>wander around sight seeing>go back to airport>sleep upstairs in a booth by another burger king with my backpack wrapped around my leg>fly to NY>everyone has to go through customs in Alaska>they all get full handprint scans done>I get waved through as Canadian>taxi from airport to bus station costs $50 and the nigger does slight of hand doubling over bills to steal like $5
>>217223945It was comfy. 90% of the time you were watching a massive plasma tv or playing chess before the clients came in. I had sex with 3 women as well. And a job that I don't want to remember and I feel very bad about involving a couple
>>217223102>there is a difference between communist clown countries like Russia, China or EU.
>>217223910>>217224030What the fuck is a university badge?
>>217224049You'll find out in a couple of years
>>217223202>Even AussiesAlready mentioned communist China.
>>217224056You guys need to clarify that you’re not from the United States. Why would a college kid need a 'university badge'?
>>217223728>>217223717>>217223416>>217223301
>>217224040True or false:You have had another man's dick inside you
>>217223717>>217223728nigga that's nuts
>>217224079>enter story thread>get mad at people telling storieskys>>217224035this sounds very comfy anon
>>217224035This is both pointless and confusingly told.
Two more:There was this absolute burnout called Jason who was a small time sassafras and speed dealer. Being the way that he was, he rapidly ran out of ideas for what to do with all of his drug money. So he started buying exotic animals on the black market. At first it was cool and there would be sugar gliders perched on a hat rack or a sagely owl in an ornate victorian style brass aviary. The animals would inevitably die and he would get new ones. More exotic. More dangerous. All of this culminating in him purchasing a juvenile saltwater crocodile which he would keep in the garage in an inflatable pool. I was over once grabbing a box of wedding tapes when it lunged at me; I was scared out of my mind. Eventually the neighbours report the crocodile to the police because of course they did. Word comes back that the pigs are on their way and in a drug-addled frenzy Jason and his morlocs drive down to a plant nursery and buy a cement crocodile statue which they replace the actual crocodile with. This retard plan actually works and the police buy it completely. I don't know any of this is going down. I have just woken up and pissed all over the bathroom walls because there is a crocodile hissing in the bathtub.
>>217224049It's a badge with the university logo on it that you pin on your lapel or tie.
>>217216826>swingers clubhelp a esl nigga out, what this is?
>>217224200It's where couples switch partners.
>>217224040Begone faggot
>offtopic blogposting thread
>>217224074They have them in America
>>217224236You can always go back
>>217224215white people are degenerate
>>217224081No. I have had a condom inside me that was wrapped over a dick. He railed me so fucking hard and then I swiched to giving only (not versitile). So no a penis has not touched inside me even though it hurt
>>217224359Fucking faggot
>>217224040>And a job that I don't want to remember and I feel very bad about involving a couplethis thread will be delated soon so what happened
>>217224376Yes, the faggot was fucking me
>>217224392He had his dick inside you. Disgusting.
>>217224392describe the sensation, and spare no details, you fucking faggot
>>217224412only half the time, he was a big swinger enjoying full thrusts (Penis head outside and then inside)and I farted a lot so technially it was only 50%
>graduate from college in oregon>move to the bay area in the middle of the recession with my BA in economics>lol>become a burnout drug dealer bum for a year or so>chill with niggers regularly>one of them "gives" me some "meth">not sure what it was laced with but it has me stumbling and slurring as soon as i take a hit, probably benzos>he claims I smoked more than i was supposed to and now i owe him money>too fucked up to know what's going on, just let him rob me cause im broke anyway and can barely stand>pulls a gun, takes my $50 used samsung galaxy>shanghais me into a crew of addicts who steal stuff for him in exchange for crystal>at this point he takes me aside and gives me some real meth to get me back on my feet>spend the rest of the night robbing nearby walmarts and pharmacies, the whole thing is a blur>literally escape from security through a drainage pipe at one point>around 4 am sober up enough to realize i can just walk away>now in oakland, find a BART station>a black guy I know spots me and tells me the meth dealer is nearby and looking for me, he's tweaking out and talking about killing me for leaving his junkie crew>friendly black walks me to another station a couple blocks away>go back to san lorenzo, no one knows i live there>never see either of them again>move away a few weeks later cause obviously that shit isnt working outIt makes me sad to think much of Gen Z is trapped in that kind of situation for longer than the year I spent in California. Never relax.
>>217224434Honestly a penis is in no way better then heating some carrots in warm water in the microwave for 4 minutes. Lube them up and cycle thru carrots (the warmest ones are the best) bee carefull but the hotter the better. A human penis feel like a lump of clay when being fucked by it.
>>2172241692ndI got given a tab of acid and as soon as it hit me I was filled with an incredible urge to be alone and playing my guitar. I head straight home and grab my guitar and then I walk to the park. It's about 3am at this point and I feel amazing, I am looking up at the moon and fingerpicking strange chords at lightning speed. I feel a tap on my shoulder and it's this skinny guy in a beige turban. Turbanguy wants to share with me the glory of Allah. He starts talking about a bunch of hefty theological islamic tenets which I am no condition to follow nor would I have any interest in sober. I decide to ignore him and continue playing guitar. Eventually I notice that he has been singing along to whatever I play saying: Allah! Allah! Praise be to Allah!I think that this is hilarious. I begin to play as fast as I can until he is out of breath, he is singing "Allahallahpraiseallah*BREATH*ALLAHALLAHpraisebetoAllahohpraisebe to*Could you just stop for a second?* Allahaalahpraise be to*please just stop for a minute*.I become bored with this routine so I get up to leave. Turbanguy says: Hey!And I turn around to see him brandishing a large kitchen knife shimmering in the moonlight. I am filled with acid-confidence so I stand tall and stare him down feeling like the ghosts of my ancestors have my back. Turbanguy says: Aren't you afraid? and I look right into his eyes and say: Of what is there to be afraid of? And in this one moment of uncharacteristic courage I watch Turbanguy sheath his knife and back away into the darkness.Most of the time I have trouble even causing people minor discomfort or push back.
>>217224359>no, not gay>He railed me so fucking hard and then I swiched to giving only (not versitile)I don't know what all that gay lingo means but it doesn't sound like something I'd do for six hundred dollars because I'm straight
HOW THE FUCK IS ANY OF THESE BLOGPOSTS /TV/ RELATED?
>>217224523That was the night night. I got paid $1,200 for a overnighter often honestly it wasn't so bad. The community was good and safe but that was decades ago. I did once have a job with a trannie and he was fucking hot
>>217224169>sassafras and speed dealerWhere are you from and what drug has the street name sassafras there?
>>217224560>The community was good and safe they fucked you up the ass anon
>>217224567Straya. MDA.
>>217224537They could have been a film you illiterate ape.
>>217224537Go back
>>217224504that's sick
>>217224605So you were some sudo gangs cuck.
>>217224638Nah these were straight up bogans. I was only there because I was dating his housemate.
>>217224605>MDALooked it up, sounds great. You ever try it? From what I've read online the AUS drug scene sounds fun and chill. Is it worth a visit and how do I score there?
>>217222888Kek well done
>>217224667>You ever try it?I have, and in all honesty pure MDMA is so much better.>From what I've read online the AUS drug scene sounds fun and chill.Depends on your temperament. I am quite introverted so it was mostly a state of enduring for me. But if you are an extrovert party guy then there is no better place to get fucked up than an Australian coastal town.>Is it worth a visit and how do I score there?Definitely worth a visit. The country is in sharp social decline but its natural beauty is abundant. If you're looking to score then the best way is to get in with experimental music or cinema scene. We have a bunch of weird art events and screenings in every city save for Canberra and Darwin. Get in with the weird kids and you'll be right. Best cities: Hobart, Brisbane, Perth, Melbourne, Sydney--in that exact order.
>>217224752Easily impressed retard
>>217216731>>217206027
>>217218576OH SNAP BACK TO REALITY
>early 20s>depressed beta virgin NEET>live with depressive single mom>decided to go travelling randomly across the US after a breakdown of sorts>catch a few greyhounds and trains in random directions>end up in Montana>greyhound bus doesn't arrive (broke down)>decide fuck it>walk out of town and decide to walk>have a few moments of just lying in the grass or woods crying and seething>walking along a sketchy road>trucker pulls up>it's against company protocol to pick up hitchhikers but he hates that rule and breaks it whenever he can>get in his truck>make polite conversation try to be friendly>ask him a ton of questions about his life etc>after a while he stops answering>stares at the road for a while>says "Son, you ever think about making yourself happy instead of other people?">feel hurt by that but he seems chill about it>get what he means though>break down to him about how pathetic etc I feel etc>he listens and just says "so what do you want?">think about it for a while as he keeps driving>arrive in Helena>he drops me off at a motel and tells me to shower and put on clean clothes>arrives a couple of hours later with two women in their 40s>get in the backseat with one of the women and he and the other is in the front>go to some bar>get drunk as hell>have a great time acting goofy>end up slow-dancing with the girl who was in the backseat>he comes up to me with his drunken girl>shakes my hand and says "you're gonna be fine, just don't let fear get in the way">end up going back to the motel with the other woman>making out in the taxi there>get to the motel>open the door>get on the floor>everybody do the dinosaur
>>217224791I genuinely find this hard to believe. Even my most autistic friends eventually got laid in their 20s.
>>217223784No anon, it's more like calling someone a cocksucker because they suck cocks professionally.
>>217224755Thanks man, great info. I'll check out Hobart this summer. My wife wants to go to NZ for the snow and that glow worm cave spot. Have you ever been there and is it a good place to get high?
>>217216826did you fuck your sister or not
>>217224755>Definitely worth a visitFuck yourself
>>217223717>>217223728God I really hope this is true
I only read the texts with 2 or more replies
I've been in the security industry for a long fucking time, worked for a company that would send me to odd jobs like broken windows an shit I'd just have to sit in my car for 12 hours etc.Had jobs out in the bush watching exposed oil pipelines, one where I was guarding a shipment of adrenaline from a criminal gang.Nearly all of it was solo, pre-smartphones too.I have seen so much retarded shit over the years that I could fill a book.Then I started mall cop work, and every single day is funny to me. All the homeless people and the drug addicts are trying to steal shit from grocers and insane Indian shopkeepers are chasing them around. Every fri/sat the whole place converts into a red-light district so I have hookers and sluts parading past in slutty outfits. It's such a bullshit job because the owners of the centre are terrified of litigation so im entirely hands off, can't touch anyone, it means I just stand back and watch crazy shit go down. I think I'll retire at this gig.Best shit I ever saw was some shitheel kid fighting with a meth head homeless guy and both were just fucking screaming and biting each other, it was fucking hilarious I legit couldn't stop laughing when this dumb fuck kid got bitten by the most disgusting looking skin disease covered 60 year old homeless cunt, and you see him realise he's probably got fucking aids now.Good times. Would recommend this job to any anon.
>>217224772Hey I liked that movie call down you fucking spaz
>>217224832The glow worm cave is spectacular. I would also checkout Tropical Fruit World, The Hologram Zoo, MONA, GOMA and the Sydney IMAX.>>217224855Nah fuck that. This place has dissapointed me so speed it up I say. We are no longer full.
>>217224832Stay out of this country
>>217224940You sound (((vaccinated)))
>>217224832nz is cool, i went as a kid and can confirm the glowworm cave is sick and probably even better while hightaupo is a nice ass lake and rotarua is a hotspring area with stinky mud geysers and stuff both nice places to visit
>>217216826did you immediately split up when inside? or did you take the opportunity to feel her up like you'd touch your wife like get your hand right up in her inner thigh and what's she going to do? say you're being weird in front of everyone and blow your cover? no fucking way
>>217220563Marty vs Rust
>>217224807Prob because they're good looking
>>217222698in what world do those two look like siblings lol?
>>217224970Nah that's some digital I.D. tier bullshit.
>>217224800Great story kek
>>217224941Where do you live? see you this summer ausbro
>>217224800but who was phone?
>>217216731I had a dream that lasted over fifteen years.
>>217225315You might think im a cunt and the other guy is being nice but you'll realise its the opposite when you arrive .
>>217224974>the glowworm cave is sick and probably even better while highI mean the country overall. Where do I go where someone will have a beer with me and sell me weed ?
>>217225346god i cannot believe my local mall once had a supermarket, minigolf, and an arcade. i saw it with my own eyes so long ago but i don't believe it anymore
>>217225353OK cunt
>>217225346what happened in it anon? How did it affect your life? How much did it actually feel like 15 years?
>>217224874Yes, it is. Psychic trannies are real, chud.
>>217220563
>>217225371Make sure to tell your girlfriend what i said so she can throw it back in your face while you guys are on your trip.
>>217224455Fucking amazing
This is precisely why you don't get involved with coworkers you fucking retard.
>>217223654you can be a doctor, a builder, an inventor, but ya suck ONE cock…
>>217225346i had one of these. i had a wife who i loved then i woke up and experienced lossit was fucked
>>217216731She wasn’t talking about you, virgin
>>217225383I was a biogeometrist on a multiyear expedition to find a rare kind of raindrop. I traveled all over the world searching for it. I never started a family but I made a great deal of friends. What's odd is that I knew that it was a dream. Sometimes I have these dreams where I can't wake up even if I go to sleep in the dream. This was one of those only it just kept going. Eventually I accepted it.It has fundamentally changed me I would say. Once I awoke I became a recluse and people worried about me. Eventually I got back into the groove of things after about five years. But it's sort of a paradox being able to feel regular after something like that. I feel the memories of it fading and it makes me think about how this is what Alzheimers must feel like.
>>217225622tell
>>217216731House down the road from me exploded. I woke up to the sound and saw the gigantic plume of smoke and then I went back to sleep. Girlfriend got mad at me for not waking her up.
>>217225673I had a dream where I was obese (I'm thin in real life) and had a 24 inch penis that hung to the ground (it's smaller IRL). I was being hunted in an Atlantic City casino parking garage after a rape. Only lasted several hours though.
I once pulled off a daring early morning heist.All I stole was a newspaper.
>>217224455This couldve turned into a crack whore situation if you were qt>>217225622Alzheimers is a misfolded protein disease. D-dimer test for clots (micro). When in doubt just do plasmapheresis (dfpp is hardcore, good fix)
>>217225706i suppressed the details so it wouldn't haunt me
>>217223717>>217223728Lynchian
>>217221835>>217221184>>217223503i guess so, i never asked
>>217226408sorry not qt enough for that
>be bullied throughout most of school years because scrawny nerdy kid>picked last in P.E.and all that jazz>teased almost every day because I am socially awkward>there is a school party coming up in 12th grade, part of a school ritual (celebration party of freshmen passing the hazing period) so every high schooler is invited but there are no teachers there so there are lots of alcohol>decide to show up>classmates are like "oh look the nerd is here too">they don't mind that I showed up, can even sit in the same table with them and get wasted together>classmate and I start dancing with some qt3.14 chick from 10th grade>classmate leaves and I keep dancing with her>she leaves but I have a fun night without anyone teasing me>she later adds me on FB>we start dating, have my first relationship>first kiss, lose virginity>she tells to her friends sleeping with me and rumors go out>boys in my class are all jelly about me being in relationship>we hold hands together when walking in school hallways and kissing>the most chad guy later speaks to me in private and tells me that he is jealous because he has never been in relationship before and is confused as to how I pulled it off>I get labelled as the "lover boy" and practically no more teasing from this point onIt sounds like a stupid plot from some mediocre teen drama but it's a true story. People have a hard time believing that story and think it's made up because it sounds so cliche. Wish I could find a better way to tell that story.
>>217221913Why do you sound like a queer?
>>217216826
>>217217618I was about to touch her pubic hair but then I thought about my 3% tri annual raise and started eating lunch instead
>>217226580Provably getting pussy at that age kinda hard counters most of the normal bully angles and naturally elevates your status. Teenagers are just that shallow. Once there is a consensus then thats the truth and challenging it makes you look like a seething retard
>>217225425kek
>>217224455similar thing happened to me but instead of crime shenanigans he and his friends just raped me
>>217226994>yeah my life is like a movie>what movie?>Irréversible
>>217216826do single guys REALLY
>riding my bike to my job>half the bikeride is along the canal, I usually try and look for interesting stuff because it's right by a lot of bars and people drop their stuff into it on accident>see plastic bag floating against the spot hoboes are usually hanging out in, right under a bridge>Half sunk into the reeds, I can see some animal has been at it from the holes>I can see whatever is in it is white-ish looking, size and shape doesn't remind me of anything I know, too big to be a take-out box, too long and regular to be random groceries>At this point I'm curious so I hop off and try and get a closer look without getting wet>Now clearly see it is flesh colored but my mind goes to some chicken or cooked pork or something>Poke it over with a long stick to get some other part of the bag facing me>suspiciously looks like an arm, but nah it can't be right? My job is at a museum in the rich part of town, this kind of thing doesn't happen here>Spend five minutes debating whether I should waddle down to it and get a real look just in case this is actually a body part, don't want to look stupid and call in the police on some mannequin>see woman on other side of canal staring at me>she pressures me into checking it after I explain the situation>I'm now wet and have touched my first dead body>miss out on free newcomers buffet at work because I have to wait for the police>don't even get to testify in court or see what happens with the case>caught a cold from being in wet clothes all morningIf you find a body part, call it in anonymously somehow, it's not worth the hassle and the story is pretty boring to tell.
>>217224272>t.
>>217226580boring story, didnt read
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