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Reposting the Luzma whilk image for any who missed it last thread: https://files.catbox.moe/8sr3rl.png
Comments, feedback, and criticism are still appreciated.

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Zenith Martlet moments before unbirthing
https://files.catbox.moe/rbr9su.png

>>4003780
Some suggestions after seeing the image again
This might be a matter of preference or your personal style, but I think you should try drawing her eyebrow as a single black line, I feel like making it a hollow shape like that makes it standout less when put against the rest of her blue body
Make her pupil bigger as well, right now it looks pretty small, you could give her bigger eyelashes too, they are very prominent on her face sprite
Besides that I still think the image is good

>>4003784
>This might be a matter of preference or your personal style, but I think you should try drawing her eyebrow as a single black line, I feel like making it a hollow shape like that makes it standout less when put against the rest of her blue body
That can actually be attributed to a misinterpretation of her sprites on my part. I always thought her eyebrow was much thicker than it actually was, due to the space it forms with the top of her eye itself, so I saw that as her having a large blue eyebrow. In my previous images of her, I had her eyebrow as being the darker blue color in her color palette, but I decided against it this time around.
In my older drawings of her, I had her eyebrow as the darker blue that's part of her color palette, but I decided to be more accurate to her sprite this time around.
For her eyebrow in particular, anyway.
>Make her pupil bigger as well, right now it looks pretty small
That was mostly to convey a certain tone with her expression.
>you could give her bigger eyelashes too, they are very prominent on her face sprite
Yeah, fair point.
I will see about factoring in this feedback to my current image of her, though some of it may not be necessarily applicable depending on what expression I go with.

>>4003782
Still waiting for part 2 of this.

>>4003779
Stay here in your containment shithole.
Stay the fuck away from /v/ with your spam "raid" general threads.

>>4003786
Brain slipped up there, said something twice.
Basically, about the eyebrow thing, that was me attempting to be "more accurate" to something that wasn't actually there at all.
Pattern recognition, failing.

>>4003790
It's a date.

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>>4003786
>That can actually be attributed to a misinterpretation of her sprites on my part. I always thought her eyebrow was much thicker than it actually was, due to the space it forms with the top of her eye itself,
Are you talking about the overworld sprite? I can see how you could mistake it like that after seeing her default expression.
>In my older drawings of her, I had her eyebrow as the darker blue that's part of her color palette, but I decided to be more accurate to her sprite this time around.
I see, I think those type of eye brows work well in some characters like Ceroba, but for a cyclops like Luzma a black line works better.
>That was mostly to convey a certain tone with her expression.
I get that, but the current size looks closer to something like a shocked expression and less a casual one, her pupil is big most of the time.
>I will see about factoring in this feedback to my current image of her, though some of it may not be necessarily applicable depending on what expression I go with.
Alright good to hear, in any case, this could just be a matter of taste on my part, you could ask other anons about it, or If you don't mind I could make a shitty edit of your drawing with some of these changes to give you an idea on how they could look, even if I don't like editing other people's art.

>>4003797
>Are you talking about the overworld sprite? I can see how you could mistake it like that after seeing her default expression.
Yeah, the default expression threw me off.
>I see, I think those type of eye brows work well in some characters like Ceroba, but for a cyclops like Luzma a black line works better.
Perhaps. I will test it later when I get around to sketching her expression in my current project.
>I get that, but the current size looks closer to something like a shocked expression and less a casual one, her pupil is big most of the time.
I don't see it as such, but I imagine the difference is in how we view her.
I'm not the one who designed her, so I'm not as accustomed to seeing her in a particular way.
>Alright good to hear, in any case, this could just be a matter of taste on my part, you could ask other anons about it
I think it has its merit, but yes, I will see what anyone else has to say about it, if anyone else does indeed have anything to say.
It did only get three replies last thread, so it's hardly the most popular thing in the world.
>If you don't mind I could make a shitty edit of your drawing with some of these changes to give you an idea on how they could look, even if I don't like editing other people's art.
I would prefer that you did not.

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>>4003802
>Yeah, the default expression threw me off.
It does have the eyebrow too close to her eye..
>I don't see it as such, but I imagine the difference is in how we view her.
"Shocked" was an exaggeration, but I do think it looks small, maybe I'm just being nitpicky.
>I'm not the one who designed her, so I'm not as accustomed to seeing her in a particular way.
It could be that too, which is why I wanted to read other anons opinions.
>I would prefer that you did not.
Alright, that's perfectly understandable.

>>>/v/741111001
Very belated, but I wanted to respond the Oyajin green. My overall impression was positive, but I preoccupy myself with the negative, so here's my list of criticism. I apologize if any of this comes off as overly controlling or demanding.

>"The old anxiety"
This is small, but I don't think this needs to be stated. You can emphasize the idea in the line immediately afterward, with Chujin perpetually expecting the other shoe to drop. It communicates the idea much less explicitly.

>"The surface was here"
Opportunity for something more, since you could reference the Steamworks slogan of "The Surface is Tomorrow" here. Maybe something like "The Surface is today, and it was yesterday, and it will be tomorrow, but it is the 'tomorrow' that never quite clicks with him."

>"Ceroba had her worries of course, but she wouldn’t begrudge him"
Could do with a brief aside on how Ceroba counters his worst impulses, which in turn hints at her own development for not blinding herself to Chujin's undesirable traits. She'd have to be VERY on-edge if Chujin started the same self-destructive spiral that blew up their family. Would also make Chujin feel more rounded as a character, in that he sees his issues but still falls prey to them on occasion, and needs others to balance him.

>"His very own grave"
I think this picture needs its own section, even if it's brief. It's only one step removed from having a picture of your own dead body on your desk, after all.

>"The first was the machine of his own creation, model 014- no, Axis."
I see what you're getting at here, but Chujin just calls Axis, "Axis" in-game AFAIK. Could tweak the sentence to emphasize the finality of this Axis. He isn't Axis 014, he's just Axis. Perhaps he could be improved. An Axis 015 might be better in every way, but such a thing will not be, because this Axis is alive, and he deserves to be THE Axis.

>>4003812
>"nor gleaming devilishly"
Another small thing, but you're describing the human generally, when it's only the eyes that would gleam. This created a funny image in my head of Clover gleaming like he's made of metal in the photo.

>"Cautious smile"
A broader topic, here. I read this, and I think, "why are you thinking about this tonight, in particular?" Whether Chujin is noticing it for the first time or it's the first time he's reflecting on it, I would expect it to come after some prompting. Maybe some kind of incident, though a particularly bad one is inconvenient, because then it raises the question about why there hasn't been an intervention with Clover. So, something smaller and more personal, that only Chujin would see. Perhaps he slipped up and said something nasty, or he was indulging his paranoia and saw something Clover didn't want anyone to see.

>"The slightest twitch on his face brought his attention to the front door."
If I'm not mistaken, this is Chujin's whiskers at work? I recall there was a discussion on the topic at some point. It's a bit unclear in this case, I would alter it to something like "The slightest change in the air's current brushes his whiskers and his eyes flick to the front door."

>"The front door creaked open"
Extreme nit-pick, but would Chujin's doors creak, with his skill in woodworking and as a handyman in general?

>"'She's dead.'"
Similar to the cautious smile thoughts above: What prompted this PTSD flashback? I know you might explore that later, in the continuation, but on the off chance that you didn't plan to, I would give the incident some background.

>>4003788
It will come out eventually along with some images of the og Martlet I'm sure.

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I might have gotten a clue about why this pairing is so popular. I get the feeling that Clover and Chara have had similar hands dealt to them in life, but came to different conclusions mentally. While Chara resorted to Power to cope with whatever horrific shit happened to them, Clover resorted to Idealism and disappeared into the role of "a hero". And I'm pretty sure that the both of them did want to kill themselves but give their deaths meaning through a dangerous, outright suicidal mission. And the meaning they did give their deaths are pretty fuckin' similar, actually. That said, I really think that Clover and Chara would absolutely not vibe with each other, not because one is "evil" and the other is "good", but because they are each other's funhouse mirror of their worst selves and would resent one another for that.

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>>4003816
We will have it soon.

>>4003821
toxic yxxi

>(You)r/frisk's soul has the ability to hype-moments-and-aura their way into a best ending (determination)
>Clover's soul has the ability to see flashbacks of ceroba's life (justice)
We can assume that the other soul traits have their own associated "meta-abilities". Discuss.

>>4003884
Perseverance has quick save-states Omega-Flowey style. This is my truth.

>>4003884
Patience has a Bethesda style waiting mchanic
Bravery has almost instant fast travel

>>4003884
i think this topic was brought up on /v/ a few years ago. someone suggested bravery could move during cutscenes

>>4003884
Erhmm, Achsuchually the red soul trait is Love

>>4003901
The red soul trait is Self
I won't elaborate on this

>>4003909
No

>>4003812
Thank you for giving it a read, and for the feedback anon!
>This is small, but I don't think this needs to be stated. You can emphasize the idea in the line immediately afterward
I thought the emphasis was for the better but, this, combined with the other anons suggestion for brevity, is something I'll give some thought as I look the story back over
>Opportunity for something more, since you could reference the Steamworks slogan of "The Surface is Tomorrow"
I can see what you mean, I was actually trying to reference "the surface is tomorrow here" but this time I was doing it with less emphasis, I've got an idea of how to re-approach it though now.
>Would also make Chujin feel more rounded as a character, in that he sees his issues but still falls prey to them on occasion, and needs others to balance him.
this is actually what I was trying to go for, with his late nights being him feeding the desire to push himself, but more reigned in than before. I wanted to feel like the "old worry" and this was like he was working a worrystone in his pocket, in place of driving himself to destruction.
but since I did more with Ceroba in the follow up, it might be good to work her more into this. Something to think about for sure.
>I think this picture needs its own section, even if it's brief. It's only one step removed from having a picture of your own dead body on your desk, after all.
this one was fully intentional though, I thought that for most people, having such a picture at your desk would be like you said, but chujin is "a rational mind" and so the reminder of his own death carries less weight itself to him than the picture of the family gathering. His death was secondary to what he would have missed because of it.
But that may be falling flat, I just think he might keep something that would be that grim and bothersome to others, because it's a reminder to himself in contrast to the family photo.

>>4003812
>I see what you're getting at here, but Chujin just calls Axis, "Axis" in-game AFAIK.
I'm pretty sure you're right. I was thinking that he may internally register that it's model 014, because of how Axis declares his model when he introduces himself, so maybe before Chujin thought of Axis as 014 despite what he calls him.
But I'll look over that line too because what I'm trying to get across isn't made clear in what I wrote, and it could be conveyed better for sure.
>>4003813
>This created a funny image in my head of Clover gleaming like he's made of metal in the photo.
yeah I can see what you mean there. I'll rework that one.
>A broader topic, here. I read this, and I think, "why are you thinking about this tonight, in particular?" Whether Chujin is noticing it for the first time or it's the first time he's reflecting on it, I would expect it to come after some prompting. Maybe some kind of incident, though a particularly bad one is inconvenient, because then it raises the question about why there hasn't been an intervention with Clover. So, something smaller and more personal
That's a good point. I feel like it's a bit of a follow up to some of the greens I wrote where Clover would sit in Chujins workshop when he himself couldn't sleep, but this story exists without that context for anyone that hasn't read them, and even then, have I really signaled that? I want to express that Chujin is over time recognizing more and more that he has some things to work through in regards to the humans, his feelings that are justified, and his feelings that are not, and is viewing Clover more and more as a person, instead of this strange ideal that lives in his house once every now and then, which is causing him to notice things he'd explained away in his head before.
the cautious smile thing is supposed to be him catching one of those moments and realizing it for what it is

>>4003813
>If I'm not mistaken, this is Chujin's whiskers at work?
yes
>It's a bit unclear in this case, I would alter it to something like
I think I took for granted how much it made sense in my head because of that conversation, and the sense I had in my head when writing of "how will Chujin spot him, Oh yeah obviously it's his whiskers!"
definitely something I'll give some thought.
>>"The front door creaked open"
>Extreme nit-pick, but would Chujin's doors creak, with his skill in woodworking and as a handyman in general?
FUCK, no it's not an extreme nit pick in my opinion. I had completely cut another scene about the floorboards creaking at one point because I had the same thought "Chujin is a good craftsman," but this one slipped past me.
>Similar to the cautious smile thoughts above: What prompted this PTSD flashback?
I go with the idea that the neutral routes flowey dragged him through left a mark somewhere deep in his mind that shows itself in the lack of peace and quiet Clover finds some nights. Martlet dying because of his choice to stay with her, Martlet blaming him with her last breath. Clovers subconscious somehow piecing together that if he did something different she wouldn't be dead, but not having the whole picture. It's something I'd want to explore more if this continued past this.


Sorry to hit you with walls of text in response to your feedback, I really appreciate the input.
I fully understand if you don't reply to this text explosion here, but I wanted to recognize the points you made.

By any chance, did you read the follow up that came after with the actual chase?

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>>4003821
>That said, I really think that Clover and Chara would absolutely not vibe with each other, not because one is "evil" and the other is "good", but because they are each other's funhouse mirror of their worst selves and would resent one another for that.
I feel that in a way this dichotomy contributes to make the pairing even more appealing to a lot of people, there is a reason why “opposites attract” is such a popular trope in media, personally I’m not surprised it became so popular.

>>4003937
>>4003821
it's only popular because a "full" game was made on it
same as UTY now being how 99% of people see the yellow soul as, the ones that finish first are the ones that set the standards
only way to fight it is making a better game, when even finishing it is already an ordeal

>>4003937
I probably wouldn't have as much problem with it if the r/y and rainbow versions of them weren't written so insufferably, but beyond that yeah I get the whole "opposites attract" but people take that too literally. Usually people have some common points or fond points with the people they really connect well with, but shippers instead read this as "people that stand for completely directly opposing things would wanna smash".

it's like pairing martlet and ceroba because "opposites attract" but we've seen if anything in game that their opposing point actually threatens to push them further apart in some way.

Also, I fucking despise the R/Y clover talk sprite.

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Working on the Librarby update finally. If you wrote a green, or know of a green that was only posted in one of the more stealthy threads, it would be much appreciated if you could either give me key words or link me to it. I've got archive links to some of the recent threads but not all of them.

>>4003939
I get you completely, I just don’t want people to be dissuaded from writing interactions between this two since I feel there is still a lot of potential for creative writing with the idea, we should try to separate the interactions and the ship from R&Y when discussing it in a vacuum.
>Also, I fucking despise the R/Y clover talk sprite.
While I don’t share the draconic rage you feel for it, i fully agree that stoic Clover is best Clover and anything else is inferior.

>>4003958
>I get you completely, I just don’t want people to be dissuaded from writing interactions between this two since I feel there is still a lot of potential for creative writing with the idea
there probably is. I'm not personally interested in it, and I'm pretty sure most of the people that bother shipping Clover around here go for Kanaclover, but I wont kick and scream if someone wants to try writing that ship, though I have little faith in it from all of what I have seen out there.
If someone feels moved by it, then by all means write, though you may not have as much of an audience here (and really, that's fine. sometimes you write things regardless of how many people might read it.)
>While I don’t share the draconic rage you feel for it, i fully agree that stoic Clover is best Clover and anything else is inferior.
I'm not even against him showing emotion, but the few times he actually shows emotion in yellow, it's special, meaningful. His fury when he sees asgore, his despair when going through the meta flowey experience, or even just that little smile he does when he fist bumps Martlet.
the r/y version of him is just wacky and silly in the worst of ways, just to make him a goofball to bounce off charas dour tone. That's really the biggest issue with most of the cocoapowder out there. No one is interested in writing the actual tension that would be between two such people, they create a clover from the ground up that can act as a foil to this fan version of Chara.

>>4003963
Yeah what I meant by “stoic” Clover is showing emotion when it matters, being all hyper expressive all the time is just not Clover and a lot of people don’t get that.

>>4003966
yeah then that's completely fair. I guess when you have people not getting the characterization of characters that are much more open with their personality on screen, you're bound to have people not catching the subtle aspects of someone like clover. Yeah he's up to interpretation to a great extent, but there's also a lot of clear information to go off of.

>>4003821
>I really think that Clover and Chara would absolutely not vibe with each other, not because one is "evil" and the other is "good", but because they are each other's funhouse mirror of their worst selves and would resent one another for that.
the problem is that the little we have of the two of them are completely contradictory to each other, and not in an "opposites attract" way
>clover sacrifices himself for the sake of others, chara sacrifices herself for a personal agenda
>clover ran from the surface to save humans, chara because she hated them.
>chara belives in the rule of power, clover in the rule of justice
just these alone, those two would be trying to kill each other by the end of the day if you left them in a room alone.
the only way cloverXchara works is if you make completely new characters and ignore the existing plot points.

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found some nice pictures going back through some old threads.
Also noticed that Sig had the idea of Ceroba seeing mooch fuck starlo stuck in his head for at least 2 years before he acted on it.
Absolute madlad.

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>>4003974
What if Ceroba found out that her daughter fucked her best friend?

>>4003979
not much a fan of this if I'm being honest.

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Momroba
https://files.catbox.moe/5iafvn.png

>>4003983
Well at least it's not the birthing image

>>4003947
do you have the Kanako and Berdly greens?

https://arch.b4k.dev/v/thread/666177429/#q666204279

https://arch.b4k.dev/v/thread/666177429/#q666206640

>>4003979
this would happen
https://files.catbox.moe/r4za7d.jpg

>>4003985
Thanks anon, I was actually missing half of that it looks like

>>4003988
it's a personal favorite of mine

>>4003989
It's a good one, classic if anything.
>total fucking ningen oblitera- Oh... uh, hey Cl-Clover

>>4003984
Still bad though.

>>4003974
Link to the thread where he mentioned that?

>>4003833
More Martlet greatness featured in new future drawings. Looking forward to it.

>>4003996
https://arch.b4k.dev/v/thread/667301882/#q667315380
there's a chance it was someone else posting his art, since I don't know if that's the first time that mooch art was posted, but a few posts later I'm pretty sure he was in the thread.

>>4003983
This one is top 2 worst catbox roulettes

>>4003998
That was someone else, Sig always posts his nsfw art through catbox

>>4003999
Which is the worst?
https://files.catbox.moe/gj2imr.png
https://files.catbox.moe/n0efj5.png
https://files.catbox.moe/fdscfl.png

>>4004002
ah, maybe so. I just have noticed a pattern in the early threads that a lot of the NSFW was just posted in the threads openly.

Either way the idea reminds me a lot of that recent starmooch thing he did.

>>4004003
>https://files.catbox.moe/n0efj5.png
This one and its not even close, the others are bad too, but this is one is just on a different level altogether, the other two at least aren't explicit

>>4003998
Hmm... Seems to me that it is a coincidence and that's some random anon, but perhaps it inspired Sig

Also some greens:
Gizmo and sadie arcade
https://arch.b4k.dev/v/thread/690000098/#q690131489

Roba mew mew arcade
https://arch.b4k.dev/v/thread/718951449/#q718975767

Gizmo harem chapter 3
https://arch.b4k.dev/vrpg/thread/3989371/#q3993154

>>4003998
Wow, reading past threads would make you think that Starmooch and Mooch in general would be really popular, but it just seems like it was a couple of people (including Sig although idk if he was posting there) who were really just into those things and pushing too much of the cuck shit

Also, those Starlo fat fetish images in that same thread are killing me, and I’m pretty sure it’s by the same person who made the yellow giant green

>>4004010
yeah there were some people with unique attractions to starlo. I think a couple of them still hang around but I don't know if it was THAT Anon or not.

Also the cuck thing, it felt like there was a shitposting war going on in a silly way, and I think a lot of posts were disingenuous. When you read 5 threads from the same time period back to back, you start to notice these little patterns.
>>4004009
>but perhaps it inspired Sig
maybe it's just that, it just was funny to me that the idea was from all the way back then possibly.
>also some greens
thanks anon, working on converting them now.

>>4004009
Also, it looks like I already have that Gizmo harem one, but it being named "chapter 3" means I missed chapter 1 and 2. I'll keep an eye out for that.

>>4003947
Very glad to see the Anon Chigurh one I wrote put in with the other Luzma nightmare greens.
Nice for things to have a happy ending.

>>4004003
Just from the replies alone I know what the second one is without even looking, and that one is the worst by a large mile.

>>4004013
Oh, I just named it that way because its probably supposed to be happening in chapter 3.

By the way dk you have "Flash Gorgon" and Gizmo comic hero greens?

Gizmo and Sadie observing Cole's fluff addiction
https://arch.b4k.dev/v/thread/690886565/#q690919531

>>4004015
I try to spot when it looks like the greens are a "collaborative effort" between anons, so I'm sorry about the awkward formatting but it's there!

>>4004019
No yeah, it makes sense where it is, it's too short for it to be its own thing anyway.
Besides, I think it's a satisfying way to cap things off, everyone's happy.

Momroba that doesn't make you want to gouge your eyes out.
https://files.catbox.moe/3y4vjh.png

I'm going to fix up something to eat, and then if no one has already gotten around to it, thread unless someone wants to beat me to the punch.

>>4004018
>Gizmo and Sadie observing Cole's fluff addiction
>https://arch.b4k.dev/v/thread/690886565/#q690919531
just added this
>By the way dk you have "Flash Gorgon" and Gizmo comic hero greens?
I have the Flash gorgon one that I wrote, but if there are more than just that one then I don't have those.

>>4004022
>thread unless someone wants to beat me to the punch.
I can do it this time, if that's alright.
Probably won't participate too much this time around, so I'll throw myself on the pyre.

Anyone have a good topic/header?

>>4004023
>Anyone have a good topic/header?
Maybe something about recycling incomplete/failied ideas and using them for fangames? That whole Shuzen conversation had some interesting ideas about giving OCs new life

>>4004025
Hm, I might be able to work with that.
Could still use a good image, but I'll see what I can do.
Give me a bit.

>>4004021
This is fine to look at. Nothing majorly cursed here.

It'll be up in around three minutes or so.

>>4004023
Thanks for that Anon, didn't want too much of the day to pass by and all that.

Thread's up.
You'll know it when you see it.
Now go.

>>4004022
Apparently what i thought was a full green instead was just a post and not really a green

https://arch.b4k.dev/v/thread/737720419/#q737782132

Still interesting though

>>4003780
you know, I didn't want to jinx you by saying this while you were working on the image, but your Luzma images always come out the fastest
As though she was your muse!

>>4004033
ahh I remember that conversation. That may have been what lead up to the green request happening.

>>4004034
That anon did say that she's easy to draw and that he felt hyper focused when he drew her for the first time, to the point anon barely used references to make that drawing

>>4004036
NTA, but it was actually the second drawing of her I said I didn't use references for.
Yes, you know the one.

>>4004038
nta but you did make mention of not needing a refrence if one wasn't available before starting this last one.
you've got a pushy fire lady for a muse.

>>4004039
Oh, right, that.
Yeah, that was just for her general body and face and whatnot, I still needed a clothing reference, the rest of her I've got just fine by now.
She's hot, what can I say?
One of my favorite female scrimblos to come out of these threads, probably tied with Wiki for me personally.

>>4004021
This is the best Momroba.
files.catbox.moe/sxsfzx.png

>>4004040
>She's hot, what can I say?
We will never getting tired of making that joke

>>4004044
Of course, but I do also find her legitimately to be a very sexy character design, even if the exact reasons why are completely alien to everyone else's reasons for finding her attractive, though I do also share those too.

>thread already dead
I thought the cocky cock would protect us...

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I asked it in the /v/ thread so i'll ask it here too. Would you play a fnaf-style UTDR fangame?

What do you think DRY chapter 3 will be like? Do you have any thoughts on how it would play out?

>week straight of bump limit DR threads
>can't just have a nice relaxing fangame thread
I have nothing against DR threads of course, but this is still upsetting in a unique way.
that we have people who just so genuinely hate video game discussion on the video game board, and actively work to make it a worse place.

>>4004059
I said I would give it a try, that synopsis involving kid Noelle seemed interesting, would the story also develop the same way fnaf 4 story did? With short "overworld" segments between each night?

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>>4004063
I don't know if that could work because realistically the Vessel would be the only threat that makes sense, unless we add FRIEND and like, Kris's rotting corpse. But overworld/day segments that show some of the lore does sound good.

This may come as a surprise to you, but I think there is a thread where someone wants to discuss video games.

>>4004059
No because I don't like horror games and I'd pee myself :( :( :(

>>4004059
It'd depend on the visual style and writing. If it had charming art and was funny, then yeah.

>>4004059
>>4004063
I missed the thread. QRD?

>>4004066
I can't find it, could you give a hint?

>>4004173
just a regular ol thread to talk about a beloved yeller.

>>4004173
axis

>>4004171
From the previous thread:
>My idea is that of a fnaf 4-like fangame where you play as Kid Noelle trying to survive against the Vessel's attempt to break into her room. I would make it set in an AU where the Vessel kidnapped and killed Kris and is now trying to do the same to Elly too.

>>4004181
Probably not then. I like Fnaf because of its interesting character designs, dark humor, mystery plot. That's just a featureless humanoid doing scares.

>>4003929
>with his late nights being him feeding the desire to push himself, but more reigned in than before.
Hm, I can the angle, but these two things together...
>but he had a better grip on himself now than then
>Ceroba had her worries of course, but she wouldn’t begrudge him... so long as he always remembered himself.
...really leave me with the impression of Chujin either being truly in control of himself, which feels a tad over-clean, or that he's deluded himself and falling into old habits, which feels tragic and believable--but is outside the scope of what the story's about.

>but chujin is "a rational mind" and so the reminder of his own death carries less weight itself to him
I can see that, and even agree, but I would almost approach from the opposite angle: it's not the macabre aspect that would bother him, but the picture's assault on his rationality. He dug his own grave with his rational plans and secret-keeping, and I see him as the kind of person who looks back on everything and genuinely can't see how it all went wrong. Everything follows from A to B to C so neatly in retrospect, and he should have reached Z. Oh yes, he should have, if only he had been more careful with the SOUL, if only he had been MORE rational, and refrained from self-experimentation, THEN everything would have went off without a hitch.

And he's telling Ceroba about this, completely missing the point, until she slaps him and then hugs him like he's about to disappear, and he realizes all over again that no, there was no victory on that path. He defeated himself with his own intellect. His own nature betrayed him and his family, and it's asking him to do it again. It knows all the right words to say, and he wants to feel the honey in his ears every time. And he hugs Ceroba back ferociously, like he's afraid of disappearing, too.

...But now half-writing fanfiction, in mid-reply.

>>4003930
>>4003931
>I want to express that Chujin is over time recognizing more and more that he has some things to work through
>the cautious smile thing is supposed to be him catching one of those moments and realizing it for what it is
I getcha. I don't even think that Chujin recognizing this is a problem generally, since one can easily infer that this is the arc he wants to go on purely by everyone being alive and living in the same house, on the surface. What I'm getting at is the particular thing he's catching onto, tonight of all nights: A cautious smile. He must have looked at this photo many, many times, but he only notices this particular detail /now./ Why? Maybe he said something unintentionally insensitive, and Clover smiles through it, hoping that a tirade doesn't come, but expecting it anyway. Maybe Chujin just gets frustrated over some soldering and lets that leak into his voice, and Clover flips the "I lived in a bad household" switch and tries too hard to soothe him, and Chujin's far enough along in his arc that he sees the smile for what it is, and applies it to the picture.

>Sorry to hit you with walls of text in response to your feedback, I really appreciate the input.
Thank you for reading my own walls of text, and no worries at all about the length of your own replies. Really, it makes me quite happy. I can and will shoot textwalls into the digital ether without expecting them to be read, but seeing that they actually were read, and that I might have actually helped someone, feels very nice.

>By any chance, did you read the follow up that came after with the actual chase?
Ah, I looked back and just saw it. Not sure if I somehow missed it or I just forgot to read the second half of the thread 'cause my weekends are so packed. I'll read it, and there may be more walls of text. Eventually. The last two weeks have been stupidly busy for me, but that should be slowing down now.

>>4004195
>...really leave me with the impression of Chujin either being truly in control of himself, which feels a tad over-clean, or that he's deluded himself and falling into old habits, which feels tragic and believable--but is outside the scope of what the story's about.
ahh I can see what you mean there. when I sit down to revise things I'll give it a proper reread and think about what's being said here.
>...But now half-writing fanfiction, in mid-reply.
I may borrow somewhat from the line of thought you used here if it doesn't offend.
I'm imagining now that looking at the photo reminds him of that conversation with Ceroba, and not that the conversation is happening right then.
Maybe the photo reminds him of that conversation now, of how quickly he went in that direction again once.
I'm not sure, but I'm gonna give that scene a lot of thought.
>He must have looked at this photo many, many times, but he only notices this particular detail /now./ Why?
Ok that's a fair question. I'm not sure how to address it without starting the story earlier in that day, or flashbacking to earlier in the day.
I wrote a story before about Chujin tucking the kid in not too long ago, so maybe there's some way to work with it without doing a full multiple paragraphs of what happened, and kind of being brief about it? I know I keep saying "I'm going to think on it." but I'm running it through my head and considering it because it makes sense. In my head I know why chujin is thinking this now but it's not really on the page is it?
>Thank you for reading my own walls of text
the feedback is really sincerely appreciated. It's nice seeing that people like something you write, but it means a lot to me when someone takes the time to tell me where I might consider improving.
>I'll read it, and there may be more walls of text. Eventually. The last two weeks have been stupidly busy for me
there's never any rush, but as before, I really appreciate the feedback any time.

>>4003779

! ATTENTION REQUIRED !

>>4004224
We (speaking both for all of /vrpg/ and using the royal we) would greatly appreciate if you 'girls' could stop doing this
>bumpspamming every thread to bump our /vrpg-eneral/Undertake thread away.

There are hundreds of braindead posts because of you in various threads, and you didn't even delete them until later.

>>4004225
I have no control over a shitposter who hates our threads. Stop trying to stir up drama over a dickhead who hates video game discussion and seems to shitpost in other threads as well.

>>4004225
It isn't the first time someone tried to slide this thread off the board, doubt anyone else cares about the rest of the threads here and you are overreacting

>>4004225
We're not doing that. That's just some shitter trying to slide the thread. Report him.

If it is that guy from the other thread, we told him not to do that. So if he didn't listen, we can't really do anything about that.

good thread everyone. It probably wasn't good to indulge in the shitposter that much, but the first 500 posts were very yeller.

Goodnight.

>>4004273
sorry, its just funny to make him cry sometimes.

Well, that was a thread.
Really though, is "frustrating" Martlet by doing all that with her feathers *really* all that different from edging her?
I think it's pretty close.

>>4004275
it's adjacent at least, though I don't think I have the will to take it to certain extremes, nor to stay awake any longer thinking about the wonders of feathers, much as I'd like to.
>>4004274
I get it, and the more it goes on the more I think it's genuine insecurity rather than an act.
been a while since a thread hit 600 posts like that I think.

>>4004278
>it's adjacent at least, though I don't think I have the will to take it to certain extremes, nor to stay awake any longer thinking about the wonders of feathers, much as I'd like to.
Hm, fair enough.
I do think the idea of edging Martlet crazy with one of her own feathers is still fun though.
Pleasant dreams, anon.

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I took a second to make this for basically no reason, so here's this.
Yes I'll do the other one too, later.

And Oldentale anon, before you say anything, yes, I did use my psychic future-seeing powers to find out that exactly this happens in your game somehow don't worry about it.