I have fought Aubrey Plaza in the astral realm on several occasions, and each time the fight ended in a stalemate. This bitch is super powerful, and you need to be careful if you encounter her. The last time I engaged her in single combat, she had a lizard/cat hybrid with her, and he tried to claw my face off. His name was Jeff. Aubrey Plaza is not just a witch, she is a super witch, and you need to be extremely careful around her - in real life or in the astral realm. ITT I will tell you how to keep yourself safe from her and the rest of her coven. Please pay attention.
I’m going to help Aubrey Plaza defeat you.
>>38944693>evil super witchStill would
First of all, DO NOT try to feed Jeff is you encounter him with Aubrey. It's a trick. He WILL claw your face off. My advice to you less experience astral warriors is to run away from her. Leave the fighting to the professional astral warriors (like myself). We have the tools and experience to take her down permanently, but this is a process and it won't happen overnight. This is like a war of attrition thing. Please be patient. If you encounter Aubrey Plaza in the astral realm, you need to flee. That is your only chance. Be warned, Aubrey Plaza is very fast and she will most likely catch you and eat you unless you do exactly as I say. Her lizard/cat hybrid, Jeff, is even worse. Aubrey will feed whatever scraps are leftover to him.
>>38944746What other celebrities have you seen in the astral realm?
If you want to have any chance of successfully fleeing from Aubrey Plaza, you need to start memorizing Hillary Duff songs. Any song will do, but I've found that "Beat Of My Heart" is the most effective:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVExfTxg5isAs soon as Aubrey appears, you MUST conjure the song. If done correctly, Aubrey will have a stroke and you can get away. Be warned however, this song has no effect on Jeff, and he may seek revenge if he thinks you've hurt Aubrey. If you get really good at this, you will be able to manifest Hillary Duff herself, and she will fight both Aubrey and Jeff like a Pokemon.
>>38944777This is great news. I'll apply this knowledge post haste.
>>38944693>>38944746>>38944777Based shroom eater
Aubrey Plaza is the leader of a super coven of Hollywood witches, and they feed on the life energy of every male that they encounter like a flat-chested version of the naked space vampire chick from Lifeforce:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lifeforce_(film)You should be grateful that Aubrey doesn't have huge tits. This would make her unstoppable. A fat-tittied Aubrey Plaza would be a living nightmare that no one wants to deal with.
All entertainers are capable of Astral projection. It's basically a prerequisite and a fundamental aspect of the grooming process of becoming one.
About four years ago, Aubrey Plaza and her coven of flat-chested Hollywood vampire space witches sucked all the man-juice out of my friend, Robert. He has never recovered. You DO NOT want this to happen to you (no matter how fun you think it may sound). Having all of your man-juice sucked out by Aubrey Plaza is a fate worse than death. Robert will never be the same. All of the light has gone out of his eyes, and he now spends all of this time watching that shitty remake of Child's Play over and over again.NOTE TO AUBREY: This is personal now, bitch! I will avenge Robert. That's a promise. You won't get away with this!
>>38944693she better watch out shoooot i tell you wot, D O W N T O W N P O U N D T O W N
OP is a glowie trying to make stuff like this seem like schizo rants. Intentionally twisting things to make it seem silly.
>>38944898>OP is a glowie trying to make stuff like this seem like schizo rants. Intentionally twisting things to make it seem silly.THIS IS NOT A JOKE, MOTHERFUCKER! Take this shit seriously. Aubrey Plaza is not to be messed with unless you know what you're doing.
>>38944693>His name was JeffWhy was he necessarily an Anglo? Couldnt he have been a Vladimir or something? Was it a coinkydink?
>>38944898OP isn't kidding. Aubrey melted my nuts off and inverted my penis just by concentrating really hard. It sort of looked like she was trying to take a really big shit. I have a mangina now because of her. You should listen to him. He knows what he's talking about.
>>38944693Just go and shoot her. She isn't bulletproof. I am sure you can find out where she lives on the internet.
>>38944741same desu
>>38945065>Just go and shoot her. She isn't bulletproof. I am sure you can find out where she lives on the internet.She can deflect any bullet made of lead with her magic. You'd need to use silver bullets, lasers, or directed energy weapons to hurt her in any way. She has even built up a resistance to crosses, which is almost unheard of for a witch.
>>38945092Okay well silver isn't that expensive and neither is a bullet cast. Go kill her if she is a terrible witch and be a hero.
>>38945118>Okay well silver isn't that expensive and neither is a bullet cast. Go kill her if she is a terrible witch and be a hero.She can only be truly killed in the astral realm. If you kill her body IRL, she will just reconstitute it from the astral realm. Stop being a fucking idiot. Don't you think that we've already considered this option? If it had any chance of working, we would have already done it.You have no idea how powerful she is. Her mere presence made Megalopolis flop harder than Heaven's Gate. Do you think that was an accident?
>>38945143You are never going to beat her in the astral plain if she has her physical body. Killing her body will temporarily make her vulnerable.
>>38944693I'd distract her by creampying all her holes, and after i left her a quivering mess, i'd flee
Thanks for the heads up OP. Appreciate it
>>38945178>I'd distract her by creampying all her holesYou fool! That's exactly what she wants you to do! How do you think she fucked up my friend, Robert?! Aubrey's moist holes are a trap, you idiot! Her vagina has the suction force of a supermassive blackhole, and her butthole is even more dangerous. You really don't give a fuck about living through an encounter with Aubrey Plaza, do you? >>38945169>You are never going to beat her in the astral plain if she has her physical body.You have it backwards, fren. Her physical body is a manifestation from the astral realm. That's all it's ever been. Aubrey Plaza is a succubus demon straight from hell. You have to kill her at the source of her powers.
>>38944693don't bother just let her win
>>38944693I have personally fought with Dwayne the Rock Johnson. He appeared in my first ever lucid dream after I walked down a city street flipping everyone off that I passed by. He fought like a girl despite his public persona and should have easily beaten me but he didn’t extremely strange experience overall as he acted like astral police
The lynch meme was better
>>38945210You know what I will just go and shoot her to see if it works. This witch has got to go. I don't want any witches hanging around my planet.
I would let Aubrey Plaza do things to me.
This is what Jeff looks like, so you know to avoid him. If you see Jeff in the astral realm, it means that Aubrey Plaza is definitely close by. She will have already spotted you and is more than likely preparing to suck out all of your man-juice and turn you into a soulless husk like my friend, Robert. Seriously, he has watched Child's Play at least 700 times in the past year. There is no hope for him now. Robert is gone. But you can avoid his fate.
>>38945285>You know what I will just go and shoot her to see if it works. This witch has got to go. I don't want any witches hanging around my planet.It won't work. She's too powerful for bullets to have any effect. The only thing that might work is a blessed object of some kind, but it has to be blessed by an Orthodox priest, a Catholic priest, and a Presbyterian. But good luck getting all three of those fuckers to work together.
Aubrey?
>>38944693>ITT I will tell you how to keep yourself safe from her and the rest of her coven.Yes tell everyone. For my own part, I have a tulpa that was trained by Ninshubar in armed and unarmed combat.
>>38944693Give her marijuana and cream cheese bagel then walk away slowly
Aubrey's almost 50, you guys. I wouldn't worry about her for much longer. Witches lose a lot of their power once they are post-wall, even super witches. She will either go crazy or openly start eating children in broad daylight. Witches are most powerful when they are young and sexy, not when they're 50 year old hags like Aubrey Plaza. Sydney Sweeney is the one you really need to worry about. She's just getting started.
She has that "my pussy is too narrow to give birth properly" smile.
It just so happens I am an expert in this arena.Intercepted dream realities. The company iD games had/has a contract w/ the US military to make the game engine that powers fake dream worlds.They can remotely target you while you're sleeping and place you into their dream world where everything is completely controlled and monitored (to a degree).Name of the game is usually torture, make sure you have a bad nights sleep as well as figure out your true intentions (if they care).Number one way of fighting these fake dream worlds is to not fight, or run (flight), it's to reject. You can no clip your way out of their dream world and boost yourself into the astral realm where you can directly observe the observers.But now we're getting into state secrets that will get me in a whole heck of a lot of trouble.Be careful.
>>38944693Tori Amos ain't no astral picnic either, i tell you what
OP is telling the truth. Look at what Aubrey Plaza did to Zac Efron. Do you think he turned himself into a Bogdanoff for fun? Bro is clearly trying to replenish his depleted man juice.
>>38944693How do you come across someone like this unless they know you already?
>>38945784She was born in 1984 you dofus.
>>38944693Can you tell me what I'm like in the astral?
>>38946614the late 1900s ? imagine all the changes she's seen throughout her life
:)
>>38946614>She was born in 1984 you dofus.This sounds like Hollywood space witch propaganda to me.
>>38944746I just put her in my bag and haul her to the sun like the others. I like them crispy. I get you though. Big daddy is back and daddy is fuckin hungry. Where is this bitch. Looks tasty. Nom, nom, nom. Aubrey. Sleep nice, princess. I want you rested before I scare you apart. Fucking druggy trip fucks. I am the trip and I will eat you.
>>38946864Call me the bag man. Hahahaha. Cause it's my bag, get it? Shut the fuck up, snacks.
OP, if you're legit can you give me some tips on fighting in the dream/astral realm?
>>38944693>Aubrey Plaza is not just a witch, she is a super witchshes latina, that goes without saying.
>>38945040latinas LOVE the name Jeff.
>>38946876>OP, if you're legit can you give me some tips on fighting in the dream/astral realm?You have to have a strong mind and a strong spirit. You can conjure anything into the astral realm, but you need to focus your mind and will in order to keep it there. Think of it like wielding a Green Lantern ring. Your willpower and mental strength will keep the constructs intact. For example, during our last fight, Aubrey Plaza started firing a barrage of spiked dildos and pocket pussies at me, but I conjured a Captain America shield and blocked them all. You can even manifest other people into the astral realm. During one of our many battles I manifested Peter Cushing into the astral realm and he started making crosses with his fingers, but Aubrey laughed him off. This is how I learned that she has used her Hollywood space witch magic to build up a resistance to crosses. AUBREY PLAZA'S WEAKNESS IS HILLARY DUFF SONGS. Remember this. It may save your life some day. She will stroke the fuck out, and you can escape. DO NOT TRY TO TAKE HER DOWN BY YOURSELF. I am a professional, and even I am having trouble with her. This bitch must be sacrificing children and eating aborted fetuses on a daily basis to amp up her power levels this much. She's also probably hooked up to an IV bag of adrenochrome too.
>>38946877>shes latina, that goes without saying.Who is that latina chick who is playing Wednesday Adams right now? She is a Hollywood space witch too, and she's part of Aubrey's coven. She's not nearly as powerful as Aubrey but she is also extremely dangerous. If you have a big dick (like I do) you can easily play a Reverse Uno card on her, and suck out all of her feminine energy. Aubrey is still training her, so she might have built up a resistance to big dicks, but I'm not sure.
>>38946939The Wednesday Adams chick got into a really bad twerking accident a little while ago, so she might be out of commission for awhile, but you still need to be careful.
this thread would make an excellent 2000AD story.
>>38946963I could kinda see it. I'd fuck with some kinda Red Razord sequel where he deals with a witch coven who all immitate famous actresses.
>>38946903>You can even manifest other peopleHow do you know you were fighting who you say you were and not a ridiculous parody, masquerading as or projecting an image of?>I sawYou think all astral activity is first person?Hmm.>>38946903>HILLARY DUFFOne time a cat fishing bush pig from NSW told me she knew Hillary Duff.I have my doubts.
>>38946973hell yes
Anyway, Agatha is pretty good so far.
Is this thread a reference to the TV show Legion in which Aubrey Plaza played the role of some weird shadow king
>>38947242I doubt it, although I guess she was a malevolent psychic in that she spent most of the time getting cucked because of Xavier locking her away.That show kinda sucked though, and it's dissapointing because there was a legitimately good Legion series that came out like 2 years before it.
>>38944693Hottest witch ever
>>38947255that was the same show. Legion was well done.
>>38947308When I said good Legion series I was referring to Spurrier's comic series not a tv show. The show wasn't bad in and of itself but it wasted a ton of potential by making Legion a more generic character and hoping Aubrey Plaza being quirky would make up the difference.
>>38944838It’s your imagination asshole there’s no such thing as traveling in the astral before you die
>>38944833wtf I searched Aubrey Plaza + witch and all sorts of stuff popped up
I’ll crush her.
>>38947322it was great, and David being the insane as shit unreliable narrator and the stranger shit looked as it went on was his mental state breaking down, and the redemption of the shadow king was GLORIOUS
Now this is podracing !
Lay off the bud for a while Aubrey. We know it's you. Thanks for the shitpost though.>you arent here for tarot readingsYeah, i can see that.
>>38944693Okay OP this is the funniest fucking thread I've ever seen here. I want to smoke cigars with Aubrey Plaza in the astral realm.
>>38950763> Lay off the bud for a while Aubrey. We know it's you.You know you could see her doing this as a joke...Aubrey btw did you have to endorse Kamala just why... you're like the one female celebrity I like anymore.
>>38944693No one said it ?Aw OP, I'll admit it : it was a funny post. Smells like a MArvel/Disney+ commercial for her new show, but I clicked.
>>38944693inb4 your astral peace is disturbed (you're a schizo)
>>38944693She should hook up with Ryan Reynolds in the astral.
>>38951702Ryan Reynolds is too busy forcing production companies into unnecessary reshoots to cover up his herpes sores. He has no time left over for astral travel.
>>38944833I...I think I would like to deal with a fat-titted Aubrey Plaza.
Ikilao there is no Aubrey Plaza
>>38944693I may have muttered dumb bitch under my breath instinctually without a thought while turning away from her from a rememberless encounter and she flipped out and sicked a couple fat, greasy spics on me which i obliterated with 6 shots of hot lead. Niggers
>>38946903Is there any way to boost my defences against her if I try to project me bouncing on my boy's dick
Dont search for aubrey plaza upskirt. What an ugly whore
>>38944693Still mommy.Would.Sit on my face
>>38944693that sounds HAWTE
>>38944693I had an encounter with Aubrey Plaza in the astral realm. She sucked my cock. I tried to stop her, as I wanted to retain my semen, but she wanted my power. She paralyzed me. It was similar to sleep paralysis. I screamed at her to stop, "No, no, DON'T suck my cock! Don't suck my cock!" just like the meme from that Keanu movie, but I meant it. Unfortunately, she finished me off and I blew an enormous load in her mouth. She swallowed it. She looked really pleased with herself, like a cat with a mouse in its jaws. She flew away through the window. My spiritual energy was reduced to zero for a while after that.
Can Aubrey Plaza be defeated with my enormous dick?
>>38944693Wonder if Aubrey is based enough to recreate her leaked jilling videos for a movie or tv show
>>38944693Thanks OP. I don't seek out celebrities in the astral realm but it is always good to know which ones to avoid. >>38944876>>38945319You jest but I knew a Robert in Hollywood years ago that got sucked in by Freemasons and got that soulless look. He also liked horror movies. Doubt it is the same Robert but it sounds like this Aubrey Plaza is more dangerous than I thought. Does it have to be Hillary Duff's singing? Can I defeat her with the Lindsay Lohan songs I already have memorized?>>38945203Bless you anon. We need to stay informed.
>>38944693Stfu OP. You’re not cool and tried to astral rape me.
One image of oppression is a dried-up lake bed with scavenger crows stalking the shoreline. Hard times can shrivel our spirits and give rise to a multitude of "crows," in the form of troublesome worries. Times of great loss or personal failure can break some people, but the strong of heart are able to bend with their fate. To endure hard times-or even benefit from them-you are called upon to tap the deepest stratum of your identity, which is stronger than fate and incorruptible by even the harshest realities. During hard times, it is especially essential to tap that wellspring of human endurance: hope.In one sense, there is no such thing as failure; there is only sweet-and-sour reality. Often, more is learned from the sour than from the sweet. As for our failures, as hard as they may be to accept, they can open our eyes, reawakening a clarity of vision only known by those who have risked—and tasted — disappointment. This clarity and learning is the silver lining of dark clouds.
>>38951968>Ryan Reynolds is too busy forcing production companies into unnecessary reshoots to cover up his herpes sores. He has no time left over for astral travel.True.>>38953553>I had an encounter with Aubrey Plaza in the astral realm.She sucked your soul out through your penis, dude. There's nothing I can do. You are going to turn into Robert now. You're fucked.
>>38953610>Can Aubrey Plaza be defeated with my enormous dick?I already told you no. Aubrey is more powerful than dick now, and her Wednesday Adams padawan is almost at that level. That's why she needs to be dicked down super hard before it's too late.
>>38954029>Thanks OP.I'm just trying to help, anon. Aubrey has grown so powerful that I needed to warn as many people as possible.>>38954029>You jest butNothing in any of my posts were a jest. It is all 100% true, and it's super serious. Aubrey Plaza is the most dangerous entity that Satan has ever shat out of his prolapsed asshole. She was an anal birth. She must be stopped. The only person who can help us take her down permanently is Ryan Gosling, so we need to figure out a way to recruit him to our team. We need as much Kenergy as we can get. It's the only way. >>38954029>Bless you anon.I'm no hero, fren. I'm just doing the Lord's work. We are called to fight evil, and Aubrey Plaza is the personification of that evil. She must be defeated! Only then can the world be free. No need to thank me. We are all in this together.
>>38944693I just watched 4th episode of that new Marvel show where she plays a witch too, OP. Buy an ad next time.
>>38944693I don't even try to protect myself, I just let her step on me barefoot.
>>38951668>Smells like a MArvel/Disney+ commercial for her new showWrong. This would be pointless. No amount of turd polishing can save that awful show. >>38954109>You’re not coolWrong. I am extremely cool. >>38954109>tried to astral rape meDid not! Aubrey is the astral rapist, not me! I am the astral anti-rapist, which is why I am battling Aubrey.
>>38957420>I just watched 4th episode of that new Marvel show where she plays a witch tooWhy do you think she plays a witch in every fourth movie?! She's straight up telling you!! All of Aubrey's victims start watching Child's Play, Life After Beth, and Emily The Criminal over and over again on Netflix, so this might be some kind of magical ploy to bump up her residual checks. OR, she just likes being evil and this is a pleasant side effect. Look at pic related. She raped that poor incel, and the dude has never recovered from it!
>>38957507I have never seen her in anything before Agatha, other than awkward late-night talkshow appearances. And that webm where Starlord is talking about how wiping his ass is like wiping a marker.
>>38957572...and then she breaks character.
>>38954029>Does it have to be Hillary Duff's singing? Can I defeat her with the Lindsay Lohan songs I already have memorized?Hillary Duff songs are Aubrey Plaza's only known weakness. Any Hillary Duff song will induce a massive stroke in Aubrey's brain. This won't stop her permanently, but it will slow her down. Lindsay Lohan won't do shit.Play this song each night before bed:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lt6PVVr4B04It's like a hexagrammic ward that will keep Aubrey away from you while you are travelling in the astral realm. This is not a permanent solution, and we need to find a way to stop her completely. I feel like Ryan Gosling is the key to ending Aubrey's reign of terror. If any of you know him, please ask him to help us. He might be our only chance.
>>38944693I'd like to go toe-to-toe with her in the sexual realm, if you catch my drift.
That's a shame.
... it's just that after hearing about all of those children being RAPED, I don't find these people cute or relatable anymore.
>>38944693Can’t I simply assail her consciousness with images of her masturbating leaks and how much I enjoyed them?
>>38958159>Can’t I simply assail her consciousness with images of her masturbating leaks and how much I enjoyed them?That will only make her more powerful. Don't be a fool!
>>38946903Do iCarly songs work or does that just make her stronger?
>>38944693I want to fuck her now and make magical babies. Why can't I get the special witches?
>>38944746Whats your astral warrior group called?
>>38944746>>38944693The Aubrey Plaza shit doesn't scare me honestly. There are worse mother fuckers out there like alobar jones and the protoi cult. Surprised no one mentions them. These guys kill souls and Jones harvests them. Just putting this info out there. She is small fish compared to the real evil predators out there. I've fought the above mentioned groups and barely surviving if you want to know the level of hell I've faced. Lucky to be alive. Here is the protoi leader:
>>38945143Is she more powerful than the anomaly or the nobody? Can the nobody take her down if he wanted to?
>>38945092>She has even built up a resistance to crosses, which is almost unheard of for a witch.Ok who the fuck is she then? Lillith?
Is she stronger than Clinton?
>>38953553Did you recover? Equal exchange of energy atleast.
>>38944693How do I contact her to get my dick sucked along with other friends?
>>38958910>kills soulsKek, sure they do.
>>38944876>Aubrey Plaza and her coven of flat-chested Hollywood vampire space witches sucked all the man-juice out of my friend, Robert.hell yea nigga
>>38959192They know how to danage your energy body and your higher self and can take your soul to their prison. They are serious assholes. I tried deleting all of them but they don't like going down.
Im pretty sure "astral projecting" like this is just self induced psychosis.
>>38944693Mommy are you still bumping this thread?
>>38959306Oh if ur acrtually mad at this hoe, a more effective thing would be to use an AI to make porn of her.
>>38959322Why make AI porn of her when you could just purchase it from the source?
>>38957243sigh* Someone has to do it. I'll see you on the other side /x/bros....
>>38957297Sounds like a plan. I will ask God in prayer to open the heart of Ryan Gosling so he may stand against Aubrey Piaza.>>38957635Okay. Hillary Duff songs it is. >>38957507Oh, that's who this is? I remember watching this movie and thinking she gave off bad vibes.
>>38944693That bitch is married. Is she's cheating then you can report her to her husband.
>>38958367>Do iCarly songs work or does that just make her stronger?No. They will just make her stronger. Let me repeat it one more time: HILLARY DUFF SONGS ARE AUBREY PLAZA'S ONLY KNOWN WEAKNESS. You may use songs from Lizzy Maguire. Here are a few more songs that may help you defend yourself from Aubrey Plaza:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuMn34Jq3O8https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfvwH93SNUIhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvju-ZY8peoNone of the other Nickelodeon shit will work, and you will get yourself into serious trouble if you try anything else. If anyone knows Hillary Duff personally, please contact her and beg her to come out of retirement and write one more song to help us battle Aubrey Plaza. I can't even begin to tell you how much danger we are all in.
Aubrey Plaza should astral project into my room at night
>>38958886>Whats your astral warrior group called?The Astral Lions. Think of us like the Detroit Lions, except we don't lose.
>>38960499Do you know the alobar jones astral group? Is the dark side really losing?
>>38960482What does she really want?
>>38958910>The Aubrey Plaza shit doesn't scare me honestly.You should be scared. Aubrey Plaza is the greatest threat to humanity since the Black Plague. Ryan Gosling and Hillary Duff are our only hope.>>38958937>Is she more powerful than the anomaly or the nobody? Can the nobody take her down if he wanted to?She's not more powerful than The Nobody, but he is busy dealing with extra-dimensional threats and doesn't have time to help us. He may show up like Gandalf at the end of the Battle Of Helm's Deep, but I can't promise you anything. >>38958937>Ok who the fuck is she then? Lillith?She is like a hybrid of Lilith and Jezebel. >>38959013>Is she stronger than Clinton?Clinton is a master witch of a different coven. Aubrey is subservient to her, but Aubrey will betray her at some point and steal all of her power. This has been prophesied by the Desert Fathers. >>38959173>How do I contact her to get my dick sucked along with other friends?If you keep letting your dick lead you around by the nose, you deserve whatever happens to you.
>>38959674>Someone has to do it. I'll see you on the other side /x/bros....Thank you for your service, anon. Your sacrifice will not be forgotten. >>38959725>Sounds like a plan. I will ask God in prayer to open the heart of Ryan Gosling so he may stand against Aubrey Piaza.Thank you, anon. Please keep praying that God commands Ryan Gosling to help us. He is the key to unlocking the Kenergy in all of us. >>38960477>That bitch is married. Is she's cheating then you can report her to her husband.She shares all of the stolen man-juice with her husband. It also technically doesn't count as cheating if it happens in the astral realm. Sort of like when you're in a different area code, or in Las Vegas.
>>38960495>Aubrey Plaza should astral project into my room at nightWhy don't you just light all of your man-juice on fire, dipshit? You have no idea about the kind of demonic torment you're asking for. >>38960517>Do you know the alobar jones astral group? Is the dark side really losing?Yes, they are losing. No, I don't know his group. Different groups are working independently towards the same goals. This way if one group gets captured, killed, or drained of man-juice, the others can still function.
this thread becomes more important every moment of the day
>>38960529>What does she really want?She wants to bathe in the man-juice of her victims like Elizabeth Bathory. She must be stopped. HELP US, RYAN GOSLING!!!!
>>38960626>this thread becomes more important every moment of the dayThis is quite possibly the most important thread that has ever been posted on 4Chan.
>>38960620>Yes, they are losingIs it because of the nobody?So why post this now? Why she active all of a sudden?
>>38960630What does Ryan gosling have to do with anything? I don't trust any celebs or famous ppl.
>>38960547>He may show up like Gandalf at the end of the Battle Of Helm's Deep, but I can't promise you anything.Last I heard from RV anon was that he succumbed to the powers of the ongoing ring and is about to become an eldritch horror lol.
>>38960630>HELP US, RYAN GOSLING!!!!He's literally all of us, if we all channel him and manifest a super gosling we can defeat her
>>38960801>What does Ryan gosling have to do with anything?Ryan Gosling is one of the most important public figures in all of human history. He just doesn't know it yet. His destiny will be revealed to him at the right moment. On God's time, not ours. >>38960837>Last I heard from RV anon was that he succumbed to the powers of the ongoing ring and is about to become an eldritch horror lol.This isn't true. The Nobody cannot be defeated. He is an Overcomer. He may have put out those rumours himself to fool the enemy into thinking they've won. >>38960880>if we all channel him and manifest a super gosling we can defeat herGood idea, anon. I hadn't thought of that. Now I know I made the right decision in making this thread to warn everyone. If we manifest a Super Gosling, he will fight Aubrey Plaza and unlock all of the latent Kenergy in the rest of humanity simultaneously. The Astral Lions, of course, will back him up and take down all of Aubrey's minions. I still think someone should contact Hillary Duff and convince her to write and perform an Anti-Aubrey song to help us and the Super Gosling defeat Aubrey Plaza once and for all.
>>38961074How does a Mormon get into Hollywood without shady stuff? So much for the evil lizard drinking cult.
>>38944693Doing God's work mate. I'll sleep better tonight knowing I'll be prepared.Captcha: PSY8
>>38961174>How does a Mormon get into Hollywood without shady stuff?The Mormons run Hollywood. Everybody knows that. What's wrong with you?
hi plebbit!ur moth-r will di in ur life-time if you dunt reply to this post
>>38961228So it's not the lizard blood drinking jews this time lol? Heard morons or whatever they're called are a faction of the illuminati like anonymous is.
>>38960482I really hope that all this bouncing on my boy's dick has helped fortify my body in preparation to fight Aubrey Plaza.captcha: GAYRDN
couldn't a woman or a gay man defeat her?
>>38961467the problem with a woman is string theory- those strings being spaghetti, which is straight until you get it wet.send the gay man.
>>38960626I thought it was a meme at first but I did an internet search and am convinced Aubrey Plaza has powerful negative occult energy. I'm glad I've never encountered her on the astral realm after reading this thread.
>>38944693I thought this was a schizophrenic larp, then that aubrey bitch come after me in my dream last night, i was driving a train and she landed in the roof of my cab and reached in for me, i slamned the window on her hands and chopped them off,she fkew away, laugjing. i woke up screaming. It's some freddy Krueger shit bros, i didn't even hear of her till i read this accursed thread.
>>38961214>Doing God's work mate.Thanks, fren. I'm just doing my part. >>38961379>I really hope that all this bouncing on my boy's dick has helped fortify my body in preparation to fight Aubrey Plaza.I can't see how that would help you, but I'm glad you've found something that works. >>38961467>couldn't a woman or a gay man defeat her?She can turn almost any woman gay, and any gay man straight. Once the gay man turns straight, she can suck out all of their man juice. She employs multiple strategies, and war-gamed several contingencies. Aubrey is very good at this shit. >>38961623>I thought it was a memeIt is no meme, fren. I'm glad you are now awake to the threat. >>38961719>I thought this was a schizophrenic larp, then that aubrey bitch come after me in my dream last nightI don't normally do this, but my power is growing too, so I may be able to help you. I am known in the astral realm as "The Amadán." If Aubrey Plaza attacks you again, you can summon me and I will help you escape. I have an entire playlist of Hillary Duff songs at my disposal. An arsenal, if you will. Remember my name: The Amadán. Leader of the Astral Lions. Summon me, and I will come to your aid. Don't worry, frens. Once we manifest the Super Gosling, he will unlock all of your Kenergy and defeat Aubrey Plaza and her coven of Hollywood space witches once and for all. Have faith, anons. Her reign of terror won't last much longer. That's a promise.
If Aubrey Plaza had a dick I would suck it.
>>38944769not op but ive seen tom hanks, he thanked me and moved along. he hire me to do some work a few years ago, this happened just after that. id expect to see jerry seinfeld as well, tons of famous people do TM, same diff. havent seen aubry but wouldnt be afraid of her if i did, fear is the only thing to fear. raise your frequency abover hers slightly and youll be fine, ive defeated, fuck is OP actually aubrey? ive heard of celebs on this board cuz they cant express themselves anywhere else because very few other places are anonymous, hey aubrey?
>>38957216>She sucked your soul out through your penis, dude.Yeah, part of it.>>38959026I did, but it took over a month. I had a really good normal routine consisting of strength & conditioning/boxing/muay thai/BJJ, excellent diet, prayer, studying, meditation and spiritual practice.
>>38961719I've been trying to Summon her and fuck her all night.
Aubrey Plaza is a meme a different entity asked you create as a cover story for that entity. We suspect based on the m.o. you guys described that it might be Karlson kressley.
>>38962401don't do it, she's a maneatershe'll chew you up
>>38944693>>38944731Congrats on some fag posting you all to redscarepod
>>38963292Aubrey probably made the threadHer and Ryan Gosling are known to frequent here
>>38944693D-does she rape you? Asking for a friend
>>38958910If you are a real magician you could kill this chonky Chris Chan while sleeping.
>>38963499Tried but it's an entire organization and gods. Not a walk in the park.
>>38963612That’s tough.
>>38944693This is no larp, frens. I had a vision of Hillary Duff performing her songs using the holy instruments. Allow me to explain. There are 22 parts of armor that can be discovered in Scripture and there are of course 22 letters in the Hebrew alphabet. Among these 22 parts, there’s a very important part, that is the helmet of salvation: “[17] And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: [18] Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints” (Ephesians 6:17-18). The importance of prayer is seen in verse 18. To pray “in the Spirit” means to pray with the guidance and assistance of the Holy Spirit. This is important because the mind is the major battlefield. Any sin that someone commits starts from there—it’s going to start with a thought. If you ask Christ for the helmet of salvation to be upon your head, it will help keep out those fiery darts of thoughts from the enemy. Different people have different weaknesses, which are points where Aubrey might find entry, but this will help protect your mind which is critical. This is a lesser-known passage from the book of Numbers that is worth examining: “And Moses sent them to the war, a thousand of every tribe, them and Phinehas the son of Eleazar the priest, to the war, with the holy instruments, and the trumpets to blow in his hand” (Numbers 31:6). The Lord tells Moses exactly what to do. Moses speaks the command of God to the people and says to prepare for war. They gather twelve thousand men (one thousand from each tribe), as well as Phinehas, son of Eleazar, the priest with the holy vessels and trumpets, to fight against the Midianites. This is a tool we want to use in which to enter spiritual battle. Preparations must be made. Blessings to each of you in this battle.
>>38944876Good, i fuckin hate aubrey plaza. Being an unabashed whore isnt a personality. Its not cute or funny. You are a beaner version of amy shumer and i hope you get hit by a bus you fuckin wannabe.
this might be the greatest thread ever put on /x/
>>38944693I feel like I have the strength to take on Aubrey Plaza. I don't own any guns, so do you think I could down her with half a brick?
>>38946903https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVY2apg37rU
>>38963295No I don't think she did. Last night I had freaking nightmare about this woman and fought her for hours. I'm not OP. I was having a recurring dream about visiting my family and then accidentally thought the name of this evil person (I'm not gonna say it). I started having the dream again and some of the people looked a bit different and acted oddly and sinister. One managed to lure me alone and that's when I sang (well, projected) sone of a Hillary Duff song. The face melted away to reveal this person, and she laughed and tried to attack me. I tried other things including physical violence (once I slammed a door on her fingers and psychically pushing her out a window) and she'd laugh and retreat just to come back to torment me. The ONLY THING THAT WORKED WAS HILLARY DUFF SONGS. I don't know if it was because I read this thread and believed it, but every time I'd sing them she'd get weaker and run away in fear. Weirdly, I grabbed her and did this for an extended time and not only did the disguise melt away to reveal the person in the OP pic, but with continued singing her appearance started to transform again and look like Hillary Duff (Hair turning blonde, skin getting pale, face morphing - all while becoming physically weaker). She begged me to stop and that she'd leave so I stopped but it was a lie! Finally after 15-20 times of this run away and come back cycle for what seemed like hours, I sang Hillary Duff songs for like 30 minutes straight without stopping. She grew so weak she couldn't stand, started slurring speech, her hair started turning blonde and white, and had to be carried away by a man. She didn't come back after that. I don't normally have nightmares and not about famous people but I think because I accidentally thought about this person in a conscious dream she was able to appear. >>38963986>>38964117I have no idea why it worked but it literally was the only thing that visibly weakened her. And I tried fire. All she did was laugh.
>>38944693So wannabe celebrities shilling themselves as bad guys on x is hot rn? Cool call TMZ.
>>38962401>I've been trying to Summon her and fuck her all night.Say goodbye to your man-juice, fren. >>38963295>Aubrey probably made the threadNo. I am not Aubrey. I am The Amadán. >>38963346>D-does she rape you? Asking for a friendShe tried to seduce me, but I told her that I am not interested in her filthy snot pocket. >>38963986>This is no larp, frens.It really isn't. This is some super serious shit, and the fate of the entire world hangs in the balance. If we cannot defeat Aubrey Plaza, the entirety of civilization will collapse.
>>38964117>I feel like I have the strength to take on Aubrey PlazaWe need to manifest the Super Gosling. He is the key to everything.
>>38964421>If we cannot defeat Aubrey Plaza, the entirety of civilization will collapse.How is she soo powerful and coming out of nowhere all of a sudden? I thought there were other groups stronger?
>>38964426I'm just saying I think we shouldn't prematurely shelve the brick idea.
>>38964375Cont. The things I wanted to add about this since it wasn't apparent from the other posts is that this person has the ability to shapeshift and the weird thing where she seemed to be forced shifting into an impotent Hillary Duff by the singing. But maybe that was the power of my projection or maybe she just really doesn't like her. lol So I don't think being gay or a woman would help. I mentioned multiple different people but it was only two. The other person hovered around but didn't attack. He seemed subserviant to her and only seemed spurned to action in helping her get away.I praised God for helping me survive the night and win my battle against this witch. I hope I bought you all an evening of safety but I didn't finish her off by a long shot.>>38964400I'm exhausted from fighting her half the night dude, it's no larp.>>38964421She was a lot stronger than I expected, despite your warnings.
>>38964375>No I don't think she did. Last night I had freaking nightmare about this woman and fought her for hoursThis thread has had more of an effect than I anticipated. Aubrey and her coven of Hollywood space witches have read the thread, and they are pissed at all of us. I got attacked in my dreams last night too. One of Aubrey's minions apparently works in craft services, and she tried to spike my food like it was some kind of fucking Diddy party. Nice try, bitch. You forget that I am The Amadán. I may not be powerful enough to defeat Aubrey on my own (yet), but none of you can defeat me either. You won't be able to stop us from manifesting the Super Gosling. You should just surrender. Everyone who reads this thread needs to start memorizing Hillary Duff songs immediately. Aubrey and her Hollywood space witches are onto us, and they are super pissed. Take heart, frens, this just means that we are being effective as fuck and they are scared. Your reign of terror is coming to an end, Aubrey Plaza.
OP just needs to accept his attraction to such a beautiful woman.
>>38964431>How is she soo powerful and coming out of nowhere all of a sudden?Aubrey is definitely eating aborted fetuses. I believe that Jeff is also augmenting her powers somehow.
>>38964446>I'm just saying I think we shouldn't prematurely shelve the brick idea.Throw all the bricks you want, fren. I recommend that you infuse each brick with the power of Hillary Duff to make them more effective. We now have the key to stopping Aubrey Plaza once and for all - manifesting the Super Gosling, and convincing Hillary Duff to write a new song. Has any of you managed to make contact with Hillary yet? Please get on that. This is important.
>>38964450>She was a lot stronger than I expected, despite your warnings.The Super Gosling hasn't unlocked your Kenergy yet, fren. But don't worry, he will. I believe in him. Just keep using the Hillary Duff songs to keep her at bay until then.
>>38964471No, all I did was pray for God to inspire Gosling to stand against this evil.>>38964479Honestly, I hope I don't encounter her again but I intend to download and review the songs you shared tonight. I could only remember half of them and she got away once and was able to come back because I forgot how the song went. >>38964451We need you Amadan. She can't be allowed to gain more power and mold more coven celebrities. I nearly lost against one. A group attack would have been impossible.
>>38964534Why do we have to pray to a useless god for anything? Why can't he do shit instead of us? Why is that shit called God again if he's useless?
>>38964630It felt like the right thing to do. I didn't think to call on God or Jesus in my battle since I was just trying to survive the attack and by the time I got my bearings I realized the Hillary Duff songs worked. I don't know Ryan Gosling and said I would do that to help, so I did. I did get stronger as the battle went on and I became more comfortable projecting the Hillary Duff songs when I was overwhelmed at the start. Idk maybe there is some truth to God only dropping battles you can win. I think the only reason I had to fight her in the first place is because I accidentally pulled her into my dream by thinking of her and the thread. I do nofap and have strong sexual energy so an easy top off would be irresistable to a succubus witch. And she kept coming back despite being repelled 15-20 times and getting weaker and weaker because the payoff and sunk cost seemed worth it. How did I know to check her disguise in the first place when it wasn't said in the thread she could glamour like that? Maybe God. I imagine OP forgot to mention it since glamours and the like can be pretty useless on the astral realm and Amadan possibly has developed some truesight ability that allows his astral form to see through transformations or maybe has encountered this coven enough that the glamours have stopped affecting his astral form.
>>38964808Why not Summon Jesus christ to repel her? Does his name work at all or is it a meme now?
Who is she?
>>38944693>t. Mental Illness, high severity
>>38944693What if I impregnated her? I want to put myself inside her badly.
Don't worry karma will catch her.
>>38964451Aubrey plz go
>>38964844Didn't try. Don't know. And hope that I'm not in a situation to have to try it. Obviously if you have to ask this you don't believe in Him as your Savior so you better stick to the Hillary Duff songs, which worked for me. It seems like an Achilles' heel for her.>>38964874I hope your doubt keeps you safe anon. My belief put me in danger.
>>38964534>No, all I did was pray for God to inspire Gosling to stand against this evil.That's good enough. Someone should still try to contact Hillary Duff and urge her to take up our cause. It's for the good of humanity. >>38964534>I intend to download and review the songs you shared tonightHillary Duff songs are our best defence against Aubrey Plaza. Until we manifest the Super Gosling, of course. >>38964844>Why not Summon Jesus christ to repel her?You can't just "summon" Jesus like that. He has delegated the Aubrey Plaza problem to us. She is our responsibility to deal with. >>38964808>I do nofapThis is why Aubrey Plaza is targeting you. You have built up a large reservoir of man-juice and she wants it. Jeff probably sniffed you out and alerted her. She uses him as a tracker. Stay strong in your nofap and build up your powers. The Hillary Duff songs will keep her at bay. The Super Gosling is coming soon. You won't have to hold out for much longer. Aubrey Plaza doesn't stand a chance.
>>38964912>My belief put me in danger.I assume you're trolling, but in case you're not: you are extremely isolated to the degree where you have no idea how deranged and out of touch with reality you are. There are no celebrities targeting you in the astral realm. I hate to shatter your illusion, but you truly are not that special.
>>38965016No, you don't understand. I don't pay much attention to celebrities. I wouldn't recognize OP from any other swarthy female celeb with similar build. I don't believe she targeted me, I think I accidentally pulled her into my dream and she went with it. Imagine you are a succubus witch and are doing your regular feeding getting nibbles from low energy coomer men and then get plopped down in front of a feast. That's why I think she stayed and went for it. I don't have a lot of experience fighting these entities so I don't know how bad I wounded her but I feel like I could have bought everyone a night. That's why I'm trying to be as vivid as possible with this, the weird body changes and all. So that people do believe and are warned. Her or something using her face and personage is very real, very strong, and very dangerous. You don't get it. She was literally seizing and possibly stroking from 30 continuous minutes of Hillary Duff songs and had to be carried off by a man. She couldn't get up, move, or walk she was weakened so badly by it. Unlike OP, I certainly don't believe in the holy power of Hillary Duff. I think she was a Baptist but I don't otherwise remember anything saintlike about her separating her from any other celeb with their charities. But her songs worked. Idk maybe when she was being baptized in the river of evil during a black mass in the name of Satan, the part they held her by failed to impart a resistance to Hillary Duff songs. >>38964917I don't think she targeted me, I think she called her familiar along after I pulled her in, but if she returns with reinforcements, I'll be prepared.
>>38944693dscordgg/ne7fwc28
>>38965178She might not even need a night to recover, if she can pool the power of her coven, she might recover by nightfall. I hope she sticks to targeting others in her turf and doesn't have her tracker seek me out, but I'll be prepared if she does.
Is it possible to impregnate someone astrally?
>>38944693>and each time the fight ended in a stalemateShe beat your ass, got it.
>>38945588yeah bro?
>>38965637Can I impregnate you?
>>38965676sorry bro, no
>>38944693Wha
>>38944693i hope i found her in the astral realm and so she can peg me furiously
>>38944693This has honestly been the best thread on /x/ in a long while. Thanks, OP.
I am the nobody I do much bad and wrong to her in the astral that's why she is the way she is completely powerless a toy for my pleasure if you see her tell her you are protected by the nobody if you want to see her rage
>>38965676>>38965680I will impregnate her, actually
>>38963295Probably right. This is her. >>38964375 and the funniest thing is she has no idea how we know.
>>38944693I saw Aubregine Placard in my dreams yesterday and promptly shat a brick that flew over my house
>>38965954I'm not her. I'm just a random nofap anon who accidentally pulled her into my world and had to fight her half a night. If you've noticed, I stopped using her name and instead have been referring to her by pronouns. I've been thinking of her as 'that woman' because unlike OP, I seriously don't want any more to do with her. I don't need to pick a fight with a Hollywood coven a long distance from me whose members are probably each individually wealthy enough to hire a hit man. I don't even know what she is, I'd have to figure it out if I wanted to do anything about it, which I don't. And I don't think there's any actual connection between her and Hilary Duff except the strangely specific weakness OP warned us about. I think the real reason she started changing into Hilary Duff is because I was strongly projecting on my home turf and I was bombarding the weakened entity with so much Hilary Duff energy that she started to look like Hilary Duff. Which makes sense, because if it was Hilary Duff in disguise or something linked to Hilary Duff, the songs would be ineffective or empower her. It's been a wild thread, I just wish I hadn't believed too strongly with it because I almost bit off more than I could chew.
>>38965840Sure you are. What did you do?
>>38966135i give her indian rug burns and wet willys and purple nurples
Wait, so if I assail her in the astral plane with images and desires of worshipping her ass, pits, feet, and impregnating her with my seed, would she leave me alone?
>>38966475You thirsty mother fuckers need to all group up and sexually harass her on the astral ti make her leave >>38966202
>>38944693I challenge Aubrey Plaza and/or Hillary Duff to single combat. Physical/astral plane, whichever. I am currently undefeated. And they're both really hot.
OP here. The Amadán. Leader of the Astral Lions. Mortal enemy of Aubrey Plaza and her coven of Hollywood space witches. I have good news, frens. I have been in telepathic contact with several high-ranking fairies of the Seelie Court. They have judged Aubrey Plaza's blatant, repeated and unrepentant theft of man-juice to be "very unseelie." They are going to help us. You hear that, Plaza?! You've pissed off The Fae now!! Do you have any idea how fucked you are? Unfortunately, the fairies will not help us manifest the Super Gosling, so we are going to have to do that ourselves. They said that the manifestation of a Super Gosling would upset the balance of nature too much, and that no one person should have access to that kind of power. I disagree with them, so I am going to continue on without their aid in this matter. I believe that Ryan Gosling can handle the awesome power and responsibility of becoming a Super Gosling. I believe in him. This is why I am not a member of any court (Seelie or Unseelie). I am an independent. I can do whatever the fuck I want. Besides, I have my own group (The Astral Lions), and we don't need anyone but ourselves. We are happy to form alliances when the need for them arises, however.An army is now forming to defeat Aubrey Plaza once and for all. Me (The Amadán), The Astral Lions, several /x/bros, Seelie Court fairies. The Super Gosling. The powers of nature itself are aligning to bring Aubrey Plaza and her coven of Hollywood space witches to justice.Are you scared yet, Aubrey? You should be. We are coming for all of you.
I was in jail one time, and I had a dream we were going down a slide and had a picnic together.
>>38964808>Amadan possibly has developed some truesight abilityThis is just one of my abilities. >>38965178>I certainly don't believe in the holy power of Hillary DuffYou should. If this goes the way I think it will, Hillary Duff will be canonized as a saint. She will henceforth be known as Saint Hillary of Duff. People will build shrines to her in college bathrooms, like Danny DeVito. >>38965178>I don't think she targeted meOh, she definitely targeted you. She has been feeding on coomers for years, so when Jeff sniffs out someone who is doing nofap, she always pays attention. People like you are like a magnet. >>38965362>She might not even need a night to recoverShe has several teenaged boys locked in her basement sex dungeon, and she can feed on them when she gets drained of energy from an astral battle. This is why we need to defeat her once and for all. >>38965541>s it possible to impregnate someone astrally?You need to get over this. Go see a fucking therapist. >>38965616>She beat your ass, got it.Wrong. >>38965705>WhaExactly.>>38966053>I was bombarding the weakened entity with so much Hilary Duff energy that she started to look like Hilary DuffThat was a trick. She was trying to make you think that you were attacking Hillary Duff so that you'd stop. Don't fall for it again.
>>38967364That unironically sounds comfy, except for the being in jail bit.
aubrey plaza is chill and smokes weedstop lying
So is this a joke thread or is this real?
>>38967449>So is this a joke thread or is this real?This is real as fuck, fren. The greatest battle in all of human history is about to begin. You had better pick a side.
>>38944693That's great and I'm happy for you but you didn't need to tell us.
>>38967324>SeelieWelp she's toast. Not even Hollywood superwitches stand a chance against fairies. I'm no expert on fae politics and don't understand the sensitivity of fae diplomacy, but wouldn't it be better to seek unseelie aid now that the autumnal equinox has passed? >>38967395I won't fall for it again. She better not come back. >>38967449Real and it is best to be informed and prepared. Stay safe anon>>38967413From my experience last night I wouldn't call her chill. Very aggressive.
>>38944693Did you know she’s Latina?
>>38968633half latinx yeah, would still breed
>>38944693I wish I could dream crazy battles like this. Instead I just see the future and it's depressing.The only thing it confirms is that nothing ever happens is a meme, a lot is going to happen.
>>38968543>wouldn't it be better to seek unseelie aid now that the autumnal equinox has passed?You don't want to work with Unseelie Court fairies. They are cunts. Aubrey would probably like them though. Just because the autumn equinox has passed doesn't mean that Seelie Court fairies are completely inactive. They are just choosier with the battles they partake in. Aubrey Plaza and her coven of Hollywood space witches are such a massive threat to the entire world, that the Seelie Court fairies feel like they have no choice but to help us, or there may never be another spring. We still need someone to get in contact with Saint Hillary of Duff and convince her to write an anti-Aubrey song that we can play during our final battle though. Everything is cooler with a kick ass soundtrack.
>>38944693How can I creampie her in the astral realm? If you catch my drift
>>38944693I'd like to use this as an opportunity to share my recent John Cena nightmare>Be some American child who idolises John Cena>Win some fan competition or something which means I can spend the day with him>Flight to LA, meet him at airport to some fanfare>Shuffles me into a black SUV, parents just let me go with him>Drive for what seems like hours, I'm asking him a million questions, hes playing it so cool, stuff youd expect>Drive out to the desert to this gated community far from anything>Invites me in for dinner, which is already prepared. Only one person is around, some chic asian assistant>As the meal goes on I get sleepy, his face becomes more and more sinsiter, have this feeling of dread wash over me>Dont know what is going onI just know its bad>He excuses himself for a moment>Fight or flight activates and I just book it out of the house>Run to the next house, banging on the doors and windows, nobodys home>Next house, same thing, next house, same thing. Can hear him calling me>Go into full panic mode as I realise these are all empty fake houses>Hide in the bushes as he jumps into his SUV and drive away saying 'fuck fuck this fucking kid'>Somehow manage to hitchhike out of the desert, driver was some old lady who didnt ask many questions>Make it back to town and I see John Cena driving around looking for me. Heart is beating out of my chest, in full panic mode>Try to tell some adults but of course nobody believes me>Cena spots me in the crowd but decides to cut his losses, drives away>Asian lady finds me and escorts me back to the airport>Parents pick me up and asked why I ruined my shot to hang out with John CenaLet me tell you I woke up from that dream in a full sweat. I usually enjoy nightmares but this really scared me, like I could feel all of this childs emotions. I was truly shaken up by it.Ever since I feel disgust and hatred when I look at his face, and I had no strong emotion about him one way or the other before.
>>38944693Easy, just sit her down in a chair and have a one on one interview with her, she will fall apart and stop gibbering nonsense, this your chance.
>>38969239start*
>>38969170Sympathetic magic version What you do is put on some high heels, the kind drag queens wear. And a nice wig. Then you say in the mirror "I am a bearded menace, I am a fan of comic books, I listen to obscure heavy metal bands and I really like booze". Then you take twenty paces around the room in the heels forming a monad. This is a portal. You stand in the portal and you visualise George Carlin very strongly and you say that you are gay for George. You then write on a mirror using toothpaste the following phraseGeorge you are a gateway to the unknown.Then you tap the clock twelve times on the number one and say"She is my number one and I am her number two".Then what you do is go to the toilet and you grab six sheets of paper. And you put one sheet in a bowl, clean, and say that you need to help George with his bowel problem (this is your payment)Then what you do is you get the next sheet and you write the letter X on it and put it on the mirror.Then you get another sheet and you write this17 is 1 and 7. We do not like 7 of 9, she was not as attractive.You put that in your monad circle the idea is you are the bearded menace, 17 is the number of man, you are showing her that other actresses can't compete. You are also thanking George Carlin for guiding you to her.Then you shoot the number 7 on the clock three times to show you really don't like other actresses as much as her.With your remaining three bits of toilet paper write the following7 + 9 is 16 and 1 + 6 is 7. (First)9 is 3 X 3 and a three way (second)George Carlin is hot in hell (third)Those three you put under your pillow.Then write a few hours before bed what story you would like to give George to arrange for you. He will accept a solution to his tummy crisis (he was an alcoholic in life look it up) and or the phrase "America really is stupid" and give the dream scape to make it so.The rest directs the stories using her vanity principles.
>>38969267Just ask her basic easy to answer questions and she'll be completely flabbergasted, you'll own her soul at that point.
>>38969288Not with a super witch she's going to expect a famous entourage otherwise she won't touch Anons. Needs ceremony.
>>38969291Have you ever seen her interviewed? Cannot put together dull sentences. Ask her the name of her Grade School, and she'll be putty in your hands.
>>38969391full*nice freudian slip tho, I made her sound interdasting
>>38969291>>38969391>>38969398also witches aren't real, that's just a larpshe looks Presbytarian
>>38944693No wonder why people say /x/ is a dead board
>>38969481Celebrities self-shilling isn't a dead board it's famefags being famefags.
>>38967413Shutup aubrey
>>38969216Based af
How does this thread stay up?
>>38971793The world needs to know about the danger that is Aubrey Plaza.
>>38971793power of satan
>>38969170>How can I creampie her in the astral realm?Alright, listen up you fucking coomers:We are going to feed you to Aubrey Plaza. You guys are obsessed with astral creampies and buttstuff, so we will get some use out of you by using you as a distraction. While Aubrey and her coven of Hollywood space witches are feasting on your man-juice, we will attack. Me (The Amadán), The Astral Lions, the non-coomer /x/bros, the Seelie Court fairies, and the Super Gosling will attack them while blasting the new song by Saint Hillary of Duff.We are so good at this shit that we can turn your degeneracy into an advantage.
The only way to succesfully protect yourself from Audery Plaza is to masturbate and cum a lot to her pictures to defend yourself. There is no other way, and it's a fact.
>>38971793Because it's relevant. You wouldn't understand, you were never plagued by Audrey Plaza
>>38944741you shouldn't. that's exactly what she wants
Aubrey Plaza is unorinically known among the coven. AMA
Because there are many newfags here, you can spot a witch by the fact that she is old, but at the same time, she has loli tits. When you cast magic, you stop aging, and that means, no breast development.
>>38972161does she fuck fans?
>>38972184No, unless you mean money-wise. She is still a virgin
>>38972145Would three to four times a day be enough?
>>38972186Does that include anal? This is an important distinction.
OH SHIT!!! OP ain't fucking around! Audrey Plaza got this kid from Stranger Things. Stole his manjuice on live tv!!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDynwTgfEaI
>>38961265baited me tfw my mom is astral destroying nubs
>>38944693I've seen her mastrbate in a hotel mirror - I'm not afraid of her.
>hollywood superwitcheswhy can't we just burn them at the stake? i love a good witch burning.
Do not face Jesus alone when Astral Projecting!Today while astral projecting I summoned jesus to try to weaken him so our hexing spells would work better.He is so fucking powerful. I'm not at a power level to do this alone. I barely escaped with my life and I am spiritually injured to a great amount, but I think I'll make it.I can't imagine what he would do to a new, unsuspecting witch. I'm scared that I will have to face him again soon if I ever want to continue astral projecting. I'm currently burning healing incense and drawing spiritual energy from my crystals to try to heal as quickly as possible.Please be safe everyone. Jesus is much stronger than I first imagined and we will have to do this together if we want to slay a god.
>>38976689Lol Jesus owned you when he's not even close to being the strongest fella in the lodge
>I have conquered Aubrey Plaza in the astral>she is now my piss slave!
>>38971921This, shit's serious af, unironically.
From my perspective, this battle should be fought in the manner that God prescribes because this offense is not against Yashar’el but against God (Numbers 31:3-16). This is something that Saint Hilary needs to focus on. qôdesh, ko'-desh; from H6942; a sacred place or thing; rarely abstract, sanctity:—consecrated (thing), dedicated (thing), hallowed (thing), holiness, (× most) holy (× day, portion, thing), saint, sanctuary.kᵉlîy, kel-ee'; from H3615; something prepared, i.e. any apparatus (as an implement, utensil, dress, vessel or weapon):—armour(-bearer), artillery, bag, carriage, furnish, furniture, instrument, jewel, that is made of, × one from another, that which pertaineth, pot, psaltery, sack, stuff, thing, tool, vessel, ware, weapon, whatsoever.Now consider the garments of vengeance & cloak of zeal: “For he put on righteousness as a breastplate, and an helmet of salvation upon his head; and he put on the garments of vengeance for clothing, and was clad with zeal as a cloke” (Isaiah 59:17). The Almighty Lover of souls is described as looking round to see if help were forthcoming from any other quarter; and there being none, He girds Himself for the conflict with the enemies of His people. He dons breastplate and helmet, clothing and cloak, and hastens to deliver. This is surely a portrait of Jesus Christ, who stands up to plead the cause and to achieve the redemption of the penitent and believing soul. Whenever Aubrey or the coven threatens to pour in like a pent-up stream, I remind you to look to Christ. Blessed be. “[3] The horseman lifteth up both the bright sword and the glittering spear: and there is a multitude of slain, and a great number of carcases; and there is none end of their corpses; they stumble upon their corpses: [4] Because of the multitude of the whoredoms of the wellfavoured harlot, the mistress of witchcrafts, that selleth nations through her whoredoms, and families through her witchcrafts” (Nahum 3:3-4)
>>38976689>I summoned jesus to try to weaken him so our hexing spells would work better.And that is your problem retard. Why Summon him if you're not going to get help from him? Ppl only Summon him to get bailed out by demons.
I'm in love with aubrey tho. I masturbate to her ever night to make her stronger. I want her go stop targeting random ppl and make love to me only tho.
>>38976689>Jesus is much stronger than I first imagined and we will have to do this together if we want to slay a god.Count me in. I'll do it for free and grant everyone the "spirit of the antichrist" when we fight him. We're gonna need every antichrist.
>>38944693If she was really a "superwitch" then you'd be dead instead of living to tell the tale. How many anons have died so far?
>>38976814>>38978915>>38978929i was just using a copypasta to gauge the intellectual ability of the users on this board. the results are in. you failed. albeit hilariously. you failed.
>>38979731I did
OK frens, I have just returned from an in person meeting with both the Atlanteans AND the Lemurians, and they have agreed to join our team to help us defeat Aubrey Plaza and her coven of Hollywood space witches. This is great news for us because they have some pretty advanced technology/weaponry and they are going to let us use it. Plasma rifles and anti-grav tech will come in handy during this battle. Let's go through the roster:OUR TEAM> Me (The Amadán)> The Astral Lions> various /x/bros> coomer /x/bros (The Coomer Corps)> Seelie Court fairies> Atlanteans> Lemurians> The Super Gosling (if manifested)> Saint Hillary Of Duff> Bogged Zac Efron (I've been told he wants revenge)AUBREY'S TEAM> Aubrey Plaza> Jeff> Wednesday Adams (evil padawan)> Hollywood space witches> John Cena> Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson> Hillary Clinton> SatanNeedless to say, Aubrey's team doesn't stand a chance. This is the battle plan:We send in The Coomer Corps first and use them as cannon fodder. While Aubrey and her coven are feasting on their man-juice, we will hit them with the new song by Saint Hillary of Duff and stroke them the fuck out. Then we attack them with everything we've got. Battle won. Aubrey defeated once and for all. Should be a pretty fun battle. I hope you all can make it.
>>38980352Is this a larp? How do I fight her if this is real?
>>38980363It’s more real then you think join the coomer corps and edge while thinking of her demise
>>38980363>Is this a larp? How do I fight her if this is real?It's no larp, fren. This is real as fuck. This is shaping up to be the most epic battle in human history. They will make movies about this battle some day. Think of it like Saving Private Ryan meets Evil Dead 2. >>38980393>join the coomer corps and edge while thinking of her demiseYeah, you seem like a coomer to me. You can go in during the first wave with the Coomer Corps. Think of it like the D-Day invasion on the beaches of Normandy, except you will be wielding dicks instead of rifles.
>>38980483I am an absolute coomer and want her to be mine badly. Can I have her?
>>38944693Serious question to all you /x astral projectors: Why the fuck were you fighting a super witch in the first place? Did you bring this on yourself or did she attack first? Was this a territorial dispute?
>>38944693So do random celebs prowl the astral plane to eat unsuspecting victims now? Wtf has happened to this world?
>>38980352AUBREY'S TEAM at 100 percent power >> Aubrey Plaza>> Jeff>> Wednesday Adams (evil padawan)>> Hollywood space witches>> John Cena>> Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson>> Hillary Clinton>> SatanAUBREY'S TEAM at 99 percent power >> Aubrey Plaza
>>38980552>Can I have her?You can have what's left of her.
>>38980601>Why the fuck were you fighting a super witch in the first place?I was just roaming the astral realm and she came after me. I have large reservoirs of man-juice, and she attacked me to try and steal it for herself. Aubrey Plaza cannot have my man-juice. There is only one Hollywood actress who can have access to it, and it's NOT Aubrey Plaza.
>>38980687Why can't they generate their own juice? Vampires are the worst. Are there other famous people who do this?
>>38980613>So do random celebs prowl the astral plane to eat unsuspecting victims now?Yes. They have been stealing man-juice from unsuspecting coomers for decades. This needs to stop. FREE THE COOMERS!>>38980613>Wtf has happened to this world?The world is fucked, fren. You can blame CERN.
>>38944693Just report her to the cops for "spiritual rape".
>>38980617>AUBREY'S TEAM at 99 percent powerTrue. Taking down Aubrey is the key. The entire house of cards will completely collapse without her. >>38980695>Why can't they generate their own juice?If you go to too many Diddy parties, you can no longer generate your own juice. Diddy's parties are like a massive loosh farm.
>>38980695>Are there other famous people who do this?More than you would believe. Just look at the Kardashians. >>38980701>Just report her to the cops for "spiritual rape".The cops are in on it, bro!! It's a massive conspiracy!!
>>38980712Could the nobody 1v1 her and win or is it a meme? >>38980712
>>38980721>Could the nobody 1v1 her and win or is it a meme?Yes, he could easily 1v1 her. He could take on her entire team by himself. But he's busy dealing with extra-dimensional threats. We already went over this (read the entire thread).This is our job, /x/bros. It's a massive responsibility, but we can do it. You just need to believe.
>>38980737>extra-dimensional threatsAnd what would they be? Aliens?
>>38980743>And what would they be? Aliens?I'm not allowed to say. Just know that it's really fucking bad. Don't worry though, he is monitoring the situation and wishes us great success. The Nobody believes in us. You should believe in us too.
>>38980737No he's busy dealing with rogue magical cults like protoi and other bastards trying to take over the world who are humans. Humans are the most dangerous creatures out there no joke. The demon alien crap is being pushed by them to divert focus. It's now a war for total control of this planet and not sure if he can win by himself.
>>38980737>>38980721Why do idiots think the nobody is a secret superhero saving the world? Sounds like qanon but for 4channers.
NEW THREAD THEME:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSklzrqCazQ
>>38980721there are certainly some people who could 1v1 anyone and win in the astral/immaterial realm>nah, I'd win (but unironically)I guarantee the next messiah figure is like a supernova incarnate in the astral
>>38980824>there are certainly some people who could 1v1 anyone and win in the astral/immaterial realmI'm not quite there yet, but my powers are growing at an exponential rate. I feel that taking down Aubrey Plaza and her coven of Hollywood space witches should be a team effort. This is just the beginning...
>>38980855LMAO indeed, it is only the beginning...this thread is hilarious, but perhaps it is needed to have some fun astral warsPretty Boy signing out, godspeed!
>>38980900>this thread is hilarious, but perhaps it is needed to have some fun astral warsIt is important to run into battle with a sense of humor, fren. The astral realm has been polluted with dark magic, and basically needs an exorcism. That's why I've been called up. The dark powers of Hollywood are waning. The magician's wand must be broken in twain. This is the only way that new art can be created.You all know I speak the truth.Call on me, The Amadán, when you feel scared.
Tell me what you need from me so that I can demonstrate my undefeated astral record. Accepting any and all challengers, guides, subverters, anything.
>>38980483Joined the corps. We call it that because it’s a nice play on words but in reality we are legion. Reporting to the 66th division, 2744th battalion, Charlie company, 2nd plaptoon.
>>38981050>Joined the corpsWelcome to the team, fren.
One final incantation before I go:I'm rubberYou're glueAnything you throw at meBounces off meAnd sticks to youSee you in the astral, frens.The Amadán out.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSklzrqCazQ/thread
>>38944693Th- thanks for the advice.May come in handy some day.
>>38944693Aw sweet, a schizo thread
>>38982828sanecuzhennieizeeniezaysok?
>>38957243I'd give Aubrey Plaza and Jenna Ortega the best threesome of their lives.I still remember how one of my first wet dreams was fucking Miranda Cosgrove, Bella Thorne, and Jennette McCurdy. They couldn't get enough. Hollywood loves fucking in the astral plane or something. Haven't dreamt anything that good recently though unfortunately. :C
Kind of strange how as soon as I start astral projecting, hollywood starts making movies about it.
>>38968875>they are just choosier with the battles they partakeThat's a relief. Any ally helps against this menace. The Seelie faeries are powerful if they are this concerned about the coven.>>38978487I never thought of it like this. Perhaps Deuteronomy 7 would be a better focus: 2And when the LORD thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them:3Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son.4For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the LORD be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.5But thus shall ye deal with them; ye shall destroy their altars, and break down their images, and cut down their groves, and burn their graven images with fire.The coven of Hollywood witches with evil erotic energy will try to seduce the warriors when the tide turns against them. The Coomer Corps must resist for this power is great. >>38980601It was an accident for me but she hasn't bothered me in the past two days so it seems like she decided to terrorize somebody else. >>38980617The rest of that celebrity team seems weak yeah lmao
>>38944693Wtf you doin in the astral realm to be gettin the smoke from Aubrey?
I thought AP was funny and attractive until this Agatha show. Now I know she can't act.The show is really, really bad.She also plagerized The Christmas Witch (which was already a thing).
>>38945092>You'd need to use silver bullets, lasers, or directed energy weapons to hurt her in any wayso looks like you've got plenty of options go get her
>>38944693Uketena, great horned serpent, empowered and fearéd healing and destruction. Dwell in mountain river Uketena, scales that shimmer Legends steeped in fluence over land cording local lore, guardian of hidden knowledge sacred space Its presence deep rooted airs spiritual bee liefs of Cherokee, descendants tale Uketena’s watchful ice.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horned_Serpent
>>38983034Aubrey hasn't molested me since Friday. With the protections i now have in place in and around my bedroom and the dream sanitation procedures i follow before sleeping, i have to say i'm feeling safer from her predatory depredations than ever before. There is hope, anons.
>>38983034Based, i believe the tide has turned.
Does this mean it's possible to murder a soul and never recover?
>>38985145No, you can spiritually damage someone though. Usually you still need their consent for it. A lot of "witches" end up trying this and instead they get mixed up with negative entities who rejoice with them in their self loathing.
>>38944693We will fight.
>>38985889If you get spiritually damaged can you still recover? My heart Chakra hasn't recovered after having it crushed by failure and loss. I was told the ayys implanted it and damaged it beyond repair. Bastards seem to only get you when they sense weakness.
>>38944693My chest hurts from laughter you dickKek
