How hard is dating women seriously when you travel for work? I'm about to move into a remote role with travel about 2/3 of time. So two out of 3 weeks I would be flying out Sunday evening (or possibly Monday morning) and returning Friday afternoon. I have no trouble getting dates from apps, I'm just wondering how difficult it would be to turn them into a relationship if I'm away so often.

>>31651638
At that point you and her would be basically doing a long distance relationship except youd meet once to twice a week. I'd recomend maybe being up front with all your dates and telling them your schedule so they can have a realistic expectation about wether it can work or not. Also try not to do that kind of work for too long it can really take a toll on you and your life

>>31651579
Asking this again for better replies
Do you ALWAYS need to get choosing signals from women in order to start flirting or talking to them at all, or can you change their mind from neutral to positive in some way?
I don't usually look at them first to avoid creeping the fuck out of them since that's not usually what strangers do here, but I'm wondering if saying hi or something nice/cool would shift their mood if I'm not the most beautiful piece in the world.
I am aware of the fact that looking good will attract looks from women and I do get that on a rare occasion but I'm not a chad, though I look better than probably half the men around me which isn't much but still good.

>>31651684
I mean the best way will always be if the woman shows intrest first, however that doesn't necssarily mean that a women who wasn't giving you a sign couldn't be won over by charm. Think of it like we all have a type of women that we love to be with but somtimes that type that we want won't be the one we end up with it could be somthing completly different. Just don't be creepy and stay cool

>>31651684
Extremely good-looking guys get a success rate of 4.5% from straight cold approach. There's an entire spectrum between cold and hot, you know, something like striking up a conversation at a bar would be warmer than straight cold approach.

>>31651675
>At that point you and her would be basically doing a long distance relationship except youd meet once to twice a week.
How much do couples normally meet? I haven't had a gf since college. And the once or twice a week would only be 2/3 of the weeks. Over a three week period I'd be home half the evenings. Is that not enough?

>>31651684
No, you don‘t always need signals. Just go there and say hello. If it didn‘t work, it was at least a trainig. I see people cold approaching every day here. If works more often than you think.

bros i hate deliberate dating so much

>>31651740
Oh sorry I guess I miss read that, yeah it would be doable but like I said just tell them from the start. It isnt as bad but just keep in mind there are some women who get way too attached so jus make sure they are okay with it after that it shouldnt be a problem.

>>31651758
deliberate? like a scehduled tinder date vs knowing each other as friends and getting feelings organically?

>>31651769
Good to know, thanks anon.

>>31651770
yes, exactly. pretending to be authentically interested in a stranger for anything other than their looks is so exhausting. and i hate trying to avoid being either too forward or too passive. having to figure out where to take someone when you know nothing about them. it all sucks

>>31651777
Know what you mean. There was a time when I found women interesting, but after meeting enough of them they're all running together.

>>31651722
>>31651733
>>31651751
Thanks all, I always avoided cold approach because it seems insane to just go up to a girl who's never seen you in her life and ask her out. What I was thinking is talking to them if we're in the same circumstances or general area, and not doing anything like flirting untill we're friendly first

>>31651782
the truth is, i don't think i actually want a romantic connection anymore. i only date because it's the only way to get laid now that i'm a 30 year old man with a grown-up job. you can't just pick up some slut playing beer pong. now i have to buy dinner, buy drinks, pretend i give a flying fuck about anything this person has to say, etc.

>>31651579
I don't have a problem talking to women platonically, I have a lot of female friends. But I'm always just a friend or a buddy, never hookup or boyfriend material. How do I become attractive to women?

>>31651816
sorry to hear that describe your physical aperance and your personality and intrests.

>>31651816
Have you looksmaxxed?

>>31651868
I'm not the tallest guy but I'm tall enough, just under 6'0. Round face, been called cute before. Curly black hair, thick mustache and beard, I mostly wear glasses but I take them off when I'm trying to look better, average weight. I guess I'm laidback and goofy, I just want people to be laughing and having a good time. I tell a lot of jokes. I'm into nerdy stuff, movies, cartoons, video games, I'm also a creator and I like making those things myself.

I'm not one of those idiots who goes after women way out of my league, I pursue girls who are also geeky and kind of awkward looking, but still no dice.

I asked for a number and got rejected. It still boosted my confidence. Tomorrow is another day, brothers. Rest easy.

>>31651890
Okay cool shave the bead and mustache get rid of the glasses start working out like 4 to 5 times a week and get some muscle Id also recomend picking up more physical hobbies lile music and kick boxing. The reason I sugest this is that women percive you as weak and not a threat. If I were you I would get into great shape and start acting more agressive (not too much) then they will respond differently.

>>31651903
keep at it dude keep at it

>>31651684
How do you think oofy doofies find wives?

>>31651903
Have a good one and remember to ask for numbers only after you've talked enough so you both realize you're cool with each other

so when do i know a girl wants sex when we are at a party or whatever

how do you handle the location? what if we're far away, and what if the toilet and the club or whatever is really dirty

>>31651579
Once again, why do the OPs of these threads always use fugly women?

>>31651579
This absolute fucking hottie I've been talking to just dropped that she has a boyfriend. I'd always assumed that the dude who she posts on her IG was her brother given they're never touching and he looks special needs but it turns out they're fucking. How do I approach this?

Her last text where she dropped this bombshell said, "My go to weekend with my bf if getting lunch on Sunday and going for a walk. Then going to the movies on Monday while it’s dead and then shopping."

I still want to get her out on a date and send her home to her boyfriend with my cum leaking out of her. How can I proceed?

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i can't do what society expects me to do

>>31652528
> She's got a boyfriend
> "Does he know about me?"
50% failure rate which is still lower than ghosting

Can I get a gf by playing fortnite ?

>>31651777
>yes, exactly. pretending to be authentically interested in a stranger for anything other than their looks is so exhausting
Uh anon...you're not supposed to be pretending. Not if you want to make an actual organic connection that is, let alone a relationship.
There are women who I think are hot but I don't enjoy their company, so guess what? I don't date them then. Now, I might still fuck them if I can but that's something very different from dating.

>>31652741
Lmao love it. I'll give it a go. The other idea I had was to say one of these.

A)

That's okay, I'm not the jealous type. We should exploit our student cards before they lapse and hit up the museum this week. I'll line a work-from-home day up and ghost the office.

Or

B)

Haha, I rate that. My weekends look much the same. My girlfriend and I have been doing the merri-creek walk lately. It is really beautiful. I also feel you on the cheap tickets! I always line my work-from-home days up for a Monday or Tuesday and hit up Kino or the Astor for cheap tickets. Do you still have a student card? Given you're not a fan of high octane activities we could exploit the museum or NGV being free. Or, if you're keen, the merri-creek could be a fun walk to go on together. Why don't you drink alcohol btw?

>>31652949
Too many words, too much thinking like a man. Women hate shit that makes too much sense if it doesn't feel funny or cute. Tell her something with a joking voice, be flirty just for keks, don't expect shit in return
I told this to a married woman and expected rejection, that's exactly what happened but it was still a fun conversation and I made her day lol
Probably been years since someone was hitting on her which made her feel good

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>>31651579
Had probably the worst date of my life recently
>match on hinge and great chemistry through phone
>set date and we regularly text and talk a few times since then
>we start sexting during this time
>date night comes and she arrives late, which she warned me about
>she seems nervous and distracted almost immediately and the bar is really loud
>she decides she wants to go to another bar near by to dance
>when we get there she almost immediately leaves me, rest of the night shes going off talking to random people
>I get frustrated and go outside and she follows me and asks whats wrong
>I ask her if shes just not into me and she says no, Im more like a friend, so I go home
>throughout the night, these random dudes who she knew would just give her free shit, like she has this legion of simps around town
>she got defensive with me two times over seemingly nothing. Once was me telling her directions when she was walking the wrong way, the other at the end of the night when I said she was talking to everyone else but me
It was surreal

>>31652977
Cheers, boss.

I was a mong and already responded with, "Hey, that sounds great, Jade! Weekends for me usually involve exploring places like the many markets Melbourne has to offer and lately the Merri Creek—it's stunning this time of year. I'm also a fan of catching cheap films on Mondays or Tuesdays at Kino and The Astor when I work from home.

By the way, no worries about mentioning your boyfriend—I'm not the jealous type. How about we take advantage of our student cards before they lapse and visit the museum this week? I'll sort out a work-from-home day so we can enjoy it without rushing."

Then the slut said, "It seemed like you were assuming I wasn’t in a relationship"

Would it be fine to say, "Naaahhh, every hot girl is in a relationship. Aren't you hot?"

>>31652949
reads too much like a letter

if she's into you a simple let's go to the museum is okay, you don't have to provide backstory on why you think going anywhere is a good idea

>>31653252
>seemed like you were assuming I wasn't in a relationship
in my opinion doesn't seem very receptive to your advances, tread carefully, maybe say something like well it's not anything romantic, we're friends aren't we?

but then again you're working against yourself because it seems like you don't have the courage to tell her that you really do like her, and are using the "friends" as a cover

not a great start honestly, just my opinion
is this texting or is it speaking in person?

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I'm literally unable to approach random girls and ask them out, or ask for their number, because I have no idea what to say to them.

Are there any tutorials (preferably video tutorials) that catalog examples based on different scenarios and show how it's done?

I'm sure that if I could follow a script to the letter when it comes to breaking the ice, wooing girls would be a much more manageable challenge.

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If you feel like the pic, you need to go out and murder your local motorcycle riders and car enthusiasts because they're the reason you're like this. Lack of sleep due to no noise regulations is the reason everyone is so fucking depressed and hateful. Loud cars and motorcycles are the source of all modern problems, and I'm sick of not being allowed to murder them for ruining life for so many without consequence. If we all commit murder at once they'll have to put us all in jail, but at least you'll be able to sleep.

Stop being reddit. Start killing the noise bugs.

>>31653286
Texting. Only just found out she has a down syndrome boyfriend. I had messaged her on LinkedIn about a paper she wrote, she told me it is easier to text on IG, and her feed was just booty pics and her with a disabled guy. I figured he was her brother but she just said he's her boyfriend. I think he legit has down syndrome though.

I'm on my incel-pilled villain arc and I rizz up way more women than when I was siming

Both genders, thoughts on this?

>meet current gf at work outing
>she's there with her team and sitting next to one of her male co workers
>they get along really well, but after I show up she follows me up to the bar and starts flirting with me
>she and I sit next to eachother and start talking more and everyone goes out to another bar and gets kinda drunk
>she and I get close, end up making out, co workers see
>male co worker tries getting close to her and giving her forehead kisses and shit despite having a long term gf
>she and I leave together and he sees
>we've been dating since, expresses serious feelings for me, we're exclusive, meet her family and friends, tells me she tells her friends I have all the qualities she'd want in a partner
>sees me 3 times a week and always spends the night despite having 3 jobs
>she mentions she invited that guy to a big 100+ person golf event her parents host
>yesterday we had a big company meeting, she was making jokes about sitting next to me but I ultimately couldn't and he ended up sitting next to her
>guest speaker starts, hear them giggling and talking the entire time, get incredibly jealous and paranoid
>she comes over after, mentions that guy making jokes during the meeting, i go "Yeah i could hear you giggling the entire time," she gets embarassed
>later that night we're out and kinda buzzed. she opens up and says she's had issues with guys being jealous in the past because she has a really friendly personality, granted she is very out going and wants me to be assured it doesn't mean anything
>still over think it but I open up and we get really intimate and I tell her I'm in love with her
>she tells me she feels the same way
>we go home and she spends the night
>tells me how important I am to her and how much she values me
>bring her a coffee and a snack to work this morning before she leaves
>texts me "you're the best, thank you so much,"
>texts me again saying "you make me really happy"

>>31653415
CONT

I tell her I'll see her sunday and shes looking forward to it.


I can't get this guy out of my head. I just wonder if she has some kind of feelings for him.
Granted they've known eachother for way longer and when I showed up she pursued me immediately but they get along together so well and she still invited him to the golf outing despite the advances he made.
I will say she also invited me and my friends, but it feels so weird and I'm paranoid. I don't know what to think.
She also invited me out with her parents again next weekend for her birthday.

>>31653415
>>31653423
No soldier can truly be a great warrior until they accept that they may die. Similarly, you can’t have a relationship with this girl if you don’t accept the possibility that you may get your heart ripped out.

Chances of that happening don’t seem very high right now, but your jealousy and neuroticism will erode your relationship if you keep this up. Even if she has had feelings for him before, so what? You’ll have feelings for other girls too, that I can assure you. Passion in relationships ebbs and flows, don’t be too critical of every small detail that points to your girlfriend not being absolutely head over heels for you every second of the day.

You have a good thing here. Do not ruin it by being an insecure sperg.

>>31653471
I appreciate this.
My friends are saying the same shit and that I'm being way too paranoid and that I need to relax and learn to trust her.
She's been really great. I just have issues I'm trying to sort through.

>>31652872
>Uh anon...you're not supposed to be pretending.
i don't have a choice but to pretend or completely drop out of society. i don't find anyone interesting beyond physical attraction. and therapy couldn't fix it.
>There are women who I think are hot but I don't enjoy their company, so guess what? I don't date them then. Now, I might still fuck them if I can but that's something very different from dating.
Nowadays, I can only get laid if I go on dates. Again, don't really have a meaningful choice but to either pretend or resign myself to jerking off.

>>31652528
How about you leave her be you immoral piece of shit?

>>31653010
She seemed manic

>>31653480
Something tells me you’re young. You’ll learn how to be in a relationship sooner or later.

>>31653366
how eager was she to set up a date with you? how long are you texting?

>>31653670
>helping a douche steal a disabled guy’s gf

Hope of you faggots get his by a bus and are left paralysed.

>>31653637
im 28
my last long term thing happened when I was 24 and I got shit on pretty hard. she was immature

this girl is like a grown up and has her shit together and its going so well and I'm not used to it.
I do a really good job of keeping my shit to myself I'm just hoping I didnt show my feelings too much about that guy. I'm sure its fine but she did bring the whole "i hope you know you can trust me" shit up lol

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>>31651579
I reviewed the advice in pic related:


>So you want to....and I'm on to you game!)
Pointless inane braggadocio.

>Don't be sexually judgemental in any way.
Solid advice.
Objective Assessment: Even condemning others might make her apprehensive of sharing lest she be judged. You want her feeling open and relaxed, not guarded and cautious.
Subjective Experience: Being genuinely open minded and accepting of the kinky predilections of women online, has been welcomed as a rare and positive trait.

>Don't get angry at her.
Solid
OA: Women often crave security and want to feel that if they misstep they won't be in danger from you. Her man is supposed to protect her.
SE: My anger issues have been a huge issue in my relationship. Women often criticize irrational anger as childish yet respond well to controlled setting of boundaries and correction.
It does seem to be mostly about self control promoting a sense of security.

>Don't let her manipulate or control you in any way. She will immediately lose all respect for you. Always be leading. It's s just like dancing - women hate a man who can't lead.
Inaccurate
OA: Women often want a man who is in charge and can't be easily manipulated. Women also often take great pride in being able to tease, lead, prompt, and compel her man with desire.
SE: Women I have been with adore me being unwavering and in control. But they also have been thrilled to provoke reactions and slightly manipulate me through their attentions. I play up to it with positive results.
I can only imagine that being entirely unyeilding to their attempts to influence me would have felt boring and cold. Teasing is part of the fun.

1/7

>>31654183

>When first approaching a woman or a group they tend to get a feeling like this is just your the scheme to get close to them
>It's important to structure you body language and conversation so that they honestly don't believe you want something from them. They should feel like you're about to leave any second
Solid
OA: Women often know exactly what you are trying to do. Flirting isn't serious. You can leave at any moment. There's no investment.
Salesmen who are desperate to sell are less successful. Conmen often convince marks by being reluctant to give them the opportunity to buy.
SE: Being relaxed and casual af was a very successful approach for me.

>"DON'T TRY TO IMPRESS HER IN ANY WAY
Inaccurate
OA: Women sometimes like feeling so attractive that a guy shows off to her. If a guy is generally a showoff to everyone, it's just him being himself. Yet again, salesmen trying hard seem desperate.
SE: In my experience and observation, it's fine to get her attention but then you have to keep it casual once you're talking. If a guy keeps acting like a dancing monkey, she's amused but not attracted. More often she's annoyed.

2/7

>>31654185

>Don't ignore her friends.
Solid but missing subtext
OA: Obviously she respects her friends opinions. Women often look out for each other in a group and resist one getting singled out. Actively engaging with the whole group is a solid counter.
SE: There's very often nuance in a group of friends. There's tremendous power in approaching a group of girls with one girl who's clearly the most attractive and then focusing on one of the others instead, only offering strictly platonic gestures and interaction with the Hot One. Likely the girl you've chosen hasn't been the "first choice" before and it makes your attention dramatically more compelling. There's underlying competition at work even among diehard lifelong friends. Understanding the dynamics of it can help facilitate your efforts.
Sometimes there will be one or more women who literally just want *one* fucking night out without dealing with horny men. And you won't win against them but if you play it cool, casual, and polite then when they act like bitches, they'll be the bad guys instead of the horny dude intruding on their night out.

>To get a woman attracted/emotionally vulnerable, give them lots of [varied] emotions and feelings.
Seems solid
OA: Audiences remember and connect to moments that made them feel, regardless of whether it was positive or negative. The worst review an audience can give is "forgettable". Even boring is notable.
SE: I've never intentionally tried this or noted it specifically. However, feeling varied emotions is an element of being engaged and her being fully engaged is extremely powerful.

3/7

>>31654192

>As she gets more emotional, she will try to ruin things by throwing in logic.
>Women lose interest if you take them seriously!!!
Hyperbolic take of solid advice
OA: If your intent is to have sex that night or make a connection when her intentions for the night were neither, then she's naturally going to take a moment to resist and question it. If you're in the middle of bonding during a fun time together, pausing to seriously question and address concerns will likely deflate all the energy and fun from the moment. Redirecting to light-hearted fun and embracing the moment can only help your momentum.
Often they aren't trying to ruin things but simply protect themselves. The idea is to present yourself as someone they don't need to protect themselves from, ideally while actually not being someone they should protect themselves from.
Obviously women want to be taken seriously. It's that if they're taking things seriously, they're less likely to want sex from a stranger. And a serious discussion in response to playful banter kills the mood.
SE: I habitually answer questions and have had to try to kickstart conversations back into playful moods a lot.
My younger self could've used this advice but was far too OCD.

>She will start asking you lots of questions.
>This is your chance to open up a little and also find out more about her and build a deeper connection.
Solid with unnecessary duplicity. The implication that he has to lie to share flaws indicates narcissistic delusion
OA: Sharing stories with others emotionally invests one with another. The more someone is invested in you, the less likely they are to flake.
SE: This one seems entirely obvious to me.

4/7

>>31654203

*brief rant*

>or she will flake later (even if you've kissed her!)
ZOMG! No! After a kiss?!? So shocking! A kiss is so devastatingly important and it's unbelievable she could flake after that!!!!
-_-
Dude, it's a kiss, not a betrothal. Some girls literally go out to bars with the *intention* of kissing a cute guy for a while and that's it. What happened to not being sexually judgemental? I guess kissing trumps that. Thank god she didn't hold hands!
>t. kissed dozens of girls years before losing virginity

/rant

4.5/7

>>31654208

>Make sure she gets the feeling that you have standards and that you are judging her based on them
Solid but poorly expressed.
OA: Again, desperate salesmen don't have standards. Obviously, women don't want to be constantly feeling judged and scrutinized. People often feel more value from something if they had to work for it. It is the same with attention from men.
If any woman can get your time, then your time is worthless.
SE: Starting off trying to date, I noticed a disconnect between the fact that I did have standards and valued my time versus women responding as if I didn't. I eventually suspected it was from chomping at the bit to give a worthy girl my attention, just for showing up. When I dialed back the amount of attention I gave from lonely puppy levels, I got better results.

>Move her to different locations.
Seems solid if gimmicky
OA: By moving to another location with a man, it temporarily elevates him from a stranger to a companion which might increase her investment and comfort. And often people feel more comfortable being amorous when they aren't watched by people they know.
SE: I'm experiencing confirmation bias in hindsight with this one. It seems to align with some success. I never did it intentionally.

>Take responsibility for every escalation.
Solid
OA: People don't like feeling responsible for risky behavior. People often consider getting amorous with strangers risky behavior. People are more likely to engage in risky behavior if they can avoid being socially judged for it.
SE: I generally find that taking charge, being in control, and acting deliberately with initiative is seen as attractive, as long as the acts are appreciated.

5/7

>>31654216

>Keep the woman always swinging somewhere between validation and rejection
>So push her away (emotionally) and then pull her back in
Simple advice turned into stupid juggling games
OA: People don't like being rejected. People often feel someone constantly building them up is obsequious and beneath them.
SE: It goes back to what I said about attention. They need to feel like they're *earning* your validation. Don't push them away, get cold, or reject them like a child. Simply ease off the validation accelerator pedal until they're earning it again.
It's similar to a girl who is one word response texting. You can cold ignore her until she sees you, pushing and pulling back and forth. Or you can make a solid post that gives her something to respond to and then post or not as you like until she earns some validation.

>BELIEVE YOUR OWN BULLSHIT
>chicks are not logical
>your own self beliefs for some reason will automatically impart in the chick!
Solid advice he doesn't understand
OA: Acting confident in something is a signifier of someone who knows what they are doing and saying. Speaking and acting with confidence often inspires others to have confidence in you. Someone confident in their beliefs can more easily convince others of that belief.
SE: In my experience, believing in oneself, even when you know it's bullshit, is more likely to work than not. The reason women get "imparted" with the belief isn't because they aren't logical. It's because their feelings are real to them. The feeling that your beliefs are true is a valid reality to them that's incorporated into their logic. Whereas men are taught to ignore their feelings in favor of facts.

6/7

>>31654222

>listening to female romantic advice. Don't listen to them, THEY DON'T KNOW WTF THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT
>They wil tell you what they THINK they want instead of what they actually RESPOND to
Solid
OA: "A fish isn't the best one to teach you how to fish." "Since when has anyone had the first clue about what they want." "He's a hypnotist, hypnotist of ladies....You won't remember why you liked him."
Many people who are in solid relationships weren't paying attention to how they attracted each other when they met. Many women don't know how they were seduced into a one night stand. Women are rarely in a position to attain the knowledge of how to advise men on how to get women. Often, their advice is well meaning hopeful guesswork at best.
SE: Most of the female advice I received was essentially "Continue being such a nice guy and some OTHER girl will be lucky to have you....but none of my friends are single, no." Even the female friends who were eager to get my dick wet were apologetically useless.

>If you do things this way...
More clickbait braggadocio.

>The guys who get laid are the guys who know what they're doing, because they have practiced on lots of women.
That's how I learned to git gud, all while choosing to avoid one night stands and inadvertently remaining a virgin. Mostly because I didn't want to end up seeming like a soulless narcissistic fuckboy utterly lacking in class. But that was my subjective choice.
As always, YMMV

7/7

What's a good excuse to bring a girl back to your place from the bar? Was with a chick last night and I said let's go and chill by my pool. She followed me home and then after like 20 min, she said she had to go back and take care of her dog. Not sure if I should have just suggested something else or stayed 1 min by the pool and used an excuse to bring her back inside.

btw, a site with good material is bristollair.com
i've read Zan Perrion, he's a bit cryptic for me, not sure what point he was trying to get across and how it translates to real life scenarios

>>31651918
Thanks. I plan to keep at it.
>>31652275
I do stand up regionally. I don't really get paid enough to afford hotels, but I have a decent day job so sometimes I pay out of pocket. After a set I'm drained so having a long, deep conversation isn't happening. I probably did ask too fast, but I'm dedicating pretty much all my free time to this so it's really only time I get out. I definitely got a around a five minute bit out of it though. I'm already working on it this morning.

>>31652436
she cute

Alright I live in a shitty town and don't have my own place, I mean I do but my house isn't empty and doesn't really look that good.
What's the way to get in her apartment instead of calling her over to my place?

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I used to get lots of action with this, but I think most girls would think it's a Trump reference now. What can I replace the middle one with? I was thinking "I'm utterly insane" or something similar.

what do yall count as a sign from a woman?

>>31651579
what do I say to the hoe once I get a match? I can get some matches due to my above average face but I get stuck in the talking part, what do I say to make em touch my weewee?

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Does anyone have a dating app template? Or a guide on how to make one?
And some tips on how the fuck to hit on girls I actually manage to match with too would be nice.

>>31651579
For those anons who had to break up with their first ex how do you manage to get back on the bandwagon? It’s been 9 months now since I’ve seen or contacted my ex. She was truly my first only love as corny and gay as that sounds. Now I spend so much time working and then getting high in the evening to numb myself. I see girls and even met a few that are gorgeous. But I’m just not interested emotionally and I’m very defensive to the point I’d rather just focus on other things because every girl I see or talk to isn’t like my ex and then it seems like I’m subconsciously molding them into that which isn’t fair to them. I’m literally mind broken. What do.

>>31654861
Which app?

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>>31654938
I've been on dates and sometimes I'll find one I really like and makes me feel good. Admittedly none of them became a relationship and I still think about my ex even though we broke up 4 years ago.
>tfw she's getting married this year

have you guys ever heard of a girl trying to turn you off by infantilizing themselves? is that a thing?

>>31654938
It's getting to 3 years since my first ex and me split up. 2 years of having to buy her out of my house and then finding out that she moved in with another man she works with a month after we split up.

I've been on various dates, was seeing one woman for a few months until she flat out ghosted me after my birthday last year.

Now I'm trying to just enjoy being on my own but I'm realizing that I'm just unhappy and that I just want someone to share my life with. That 9 year relationship has done more harm to me mentally than it has good.

It ain't gay as fuck. I've still got pictures of my ex on my phone and still read our conversations we had years ago. It is hard to try and find someone and not try to compare them to your ex.
I know my cure to how I'm feeling so mentally down is to have friends to hang with. Currently, they're all too busy and I just want one person I can hit up and do something on a whim but I have none of those.

>>31655009
>Currently, they're all too busy and I just want one person I can hit up and do something on a whim but I have none of those.
It’s difficult to find people who want to hangout just for the sake of companionship. I’ve had to compromise with a few buddies who just want to smoke weed or drink recreationally which is fine, but I really don’t enjoy being intoxicated anymore. Better than nothing but I ultimately long for my ex because we could go and do things together on a whim. Sex was just like the cherry on top. Really fucking hurts man. Sounds like you had it worse though seeing as how it was 9 years long.

>>31654938
when a new girl likes you especially if she's better but similar

Where do you even meet women?
I just want a girl to go on trips and erasmus with.

>>31654983
>have you guys ever heard of a girl trying to turn you off by infantilizing themselves? is that a thing?
Usually I've seen the reverse

>>31655060
I'd be happy to have a friend that would be up for day trips. I don't want to even tell my friends how I'm feeling right now.
I know people always say to open up but hardly any of them have even contacted me to see how I am. I contact them to see if they're free and they're not because they're busy.

A house and a decent car all by myself and that still ain't making me happy.

>>31655082
She's 20... maybe I just have a guilty conscience about our 8 year age gap...

>>31655317
I've, uh, seen worse gaps.

>>31655495
What are you talking about? It's a perfect age difference

>>31651579
I got drugged and molested by a man two years ago and now I think I have HPV on the head of my dick. It's over for me if I'm transparent about this with most women, isn't it?

>>31651684
>I'm not a chad
You don't have to be a Clever Handsome Ambitious Devil anon, you can be your Confident Humorous Adventurous Darling self.

>>31651777
You have to expand your social circle, find local scenes you can be apart of. If you live in any decently sized city there should be lots of stuff like that.
If you live in a small town then I unfortunately am sorry for your situation.

Daily reminder that a woman will always cheat on you, it’s just a matter of time.

>>31655924
yeah my city is fairly small and old-fashioned. marriages skew young, etc. young adult social circles with substantial numbers of singles aren't really a thing, unfortunately.

i plan on moving soon for unrelated reasons, but the problem will hust get worse because i'll be moving to a smaller town.

>>31654938
I feel the same. It's like I see them in other people, or I don't see it at all and don't like them

Should I continue to text her if she never sends me anything first but will always respond to my messages

>>31657317
Unless you're long distance you should only be texting her to set up dates.
By the 3rd date she should be texting you to hang out if you're doing things right.

>>31651800
Cold approach is useless. 0.5% success rate. You must be sociable first, talk to as many people as you can in a friendly way. Try to be friendly/casual with everyone, including women. Eventually start being flirty with women you have previously talked to casually and at least one will be open to go on a date with you.

>>31651579
I'm literally off the grid no social media and 27 old
Literally zero female friends, barely any male friends that probably hate me because I dropped some blackpills on the feeble normie mind
How bad is it?

>>31657606
Is this still relevant advice considering how prominent text communication is now a days?

>>31657848
YES!!! YES!!! YES!!!
In fact I'd argue it's arguably even more so in the current year because it'll give you an advantage.
Nowadays most guys, especially in GenZ are just endlessly texting the girl and have no idea how or initiative to move that into a real life interaction.
Girls get bored with this and if they're popular or on dating apps they might constantly have multiple guys trying to get their attention this way.
What most guys don't know is text is not how you attract or seduce a woman, and to make her feel EMOTION you need to give her an EXPERIENCE and MEMORIES with you and that can only happen if you take her on amazing and fun dates.
Who even remembers what the hell they do on their phone? Do you have any memorable memories attached to you phone? Probably not.
Memories. Experience. Emotion. These are the keys to a woman's heart, you cannot form or invoke these over the phone, the phone must only be a supplement to your real life interactions.
Until she is your girlfriend only use texting to setup dates. And even after she's your girlfriend don't go crazy on texting her.

>>31657805
i have no friends except my ex who i should probably stop talking to and am turning 32 and no social media. i do not feel so good anons.

>>31657805
At the bare minimum you should have an instagram with a couple of photos of you doing stuff like travelling, eating some food that looks good, or going to a concert.
Basically it just exists as a portfolio to show women you have a social life, or are an exciting and interesting person.
You don't need to actually use it, it doesn't even need to be entirely true.
But most girls will want to do research on you after meeting you, and insta is one of the main ways for you to craft an attractive image for yourself.

>>31657959
Okay you sound right.

>>31651816
Advice from a few threads ago that helped me - try to think sexual thoughts when you're trying to get laid. It'll come out more in your demeanor. I sometimes do this unintentionally when I'm at a certain level of drunk and it turns out when I let it happen, I end up hooking up more or taking them on dates after we've sobered up.

>>31657980
What a rotten shallow world
Anyway, I see
Ty anon

>>31658056
That's one way to view it. This kinda "verification" has always existed in some form of another. I just see it as the modern version of the old-school "the girl you date knows about you from seeing you around town or being in the same social circle"
Back then social proof existed in the form of the community, the same information a girl would get from knowing your reputation in town is just up on instagram or facebook now. In a world where communities are digital social proof is now social media.

>>31657984
I learned this the hard way, through experience.
Once I stopped pussyfooting and just started using the phone as a way to arrange dates I saw much better results.
Just play it cool. Don't text them every day.
What has worked for me is basically I arrange a date within the first 3 texts I send them.

>1. "Hey it's [insert name] it was nice meeting you the other day!"
>2."I'm planning to [insert activity] on [insert date] and would love if you would join me!"
At this point she agrees to go on your date.
>3."Sweet! I'll see you then"
Don't text her at all from the time you agree to the date until at least the day before. I personally like to send a confirmation the day before to specify details about the date like the time I'll pick her up
Something like:
>4."Looking forward to tomorrow! I'll pick you up at 5"

In the case that after you ask her on a date she says she's busy you wait a week or two and try again, if she declines again consider it a rejection. If you want you can throw the ball in her court and let her know to hit you up if she ever wants to hang. Sometimes she really was just busy and will suggest meeting up at a later time though this is rare in my experience.

>>31651870
how to looksmax?

Bruh I went out yesterday and I did the shit you guys explicitly told me NOT to do - being honest that I found her hot and wanted to smash.
It worked. Girl took me back to her place. Chickened out because I wasn't sure if I really wanted it, or if I was just acting out of desperation.

>>31654203
>ideally while actually not being someone they should protect themselves from.
Lol, said the scorpion.
Lmao.

>>31658395
Like I said: "Ideally".

Also, the dangers we create are often the ones most difficult to protect ourselves from.

>>31654222
>men are taught to ignore their feelings in favor of facts.
This is news to me. I instead learned (the hard way) that I should bring my feelings in line with the facts. As a result, trusting my feelings and trusting the facts are the same thing, as long as I put in the effort to keep them synchronised.

>>31655604
I'm 30 and my girlfriend is 15, 18 is the aoc so I gotta wait for a while still

>>31658334
>I did the shit you guys explicitly told me NOT to do - being honest that I found her hot and wanted to smash.
Who told you not to directly communicate your attraction to a hot girl?
Not sure if you've misinterpreted decent advice or received bad advice.

>>31654741
>what do yall count as a sign from a woman?
Her not saying "No" and her not flinching when I make a move.

>>31654938
>For those anons who had to break up with their first ex how do you manage to get back on the bandwagon?
Same way as before I had an ex, be around girls and hit on them.
>But I’m just not interested emotionally
I simply do not have that problem.

>>31654983
>have you guys ever heard of a girl trying to turn you off by infantilizing themselves?
Plenty of people try to avoid responsibility by playing dumb. I doubt it's an attempt to turn you off, but instead it's an attempt to LARP as someone who lacks conscious agency / cognition, so that way you have to do all the decision making.

>>31658470
Yea you gotta ease them into it while they're young, before other men get to use them for their bodies

>>31658471
>Who told you not to directly communicate your attraction to a hot girl?
All these people who insist that if you let it be known that you're looking for some action, you're being creepy, you'll scare the girl off, she'll call the bouncer (who'll automatically be on her side for some reason), she'll tell all her friends (none of whom will mock her for not getting laid), and Ubisoft will send you a cease and desist letter for being heterosexual or some other conspiracy shit.
As far as I know that's only if you don't know what No means.

>>31658471
>>31658507
I probably did misinterpret some things, but all these people who are like "I HAVE NO INTERESTING TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT, HOW DO I BE INTERESTING" talk about how hot she is and how you want her, that's an interesting topic. But no apparently that'll telepathically contact Cathy from HR to call you into the office, where she'll inform you that you aren't gonna be hitting on anyone other than Cathy. You also aren't going to be hitting on Cathy for some reason.

>>31658467
>I should bring my feelings in line with the facts. As a result, trusting my feelings and trusting the facts are the same thing, as long as I put in the effort to keep them synchronised.
Depending on what you mean by "bring my feelings in line", that might be literally what I am talking about. As in "Oh, my feelings don't match the facts. I shall ignore those feelings and instead focus on these feelings associated with these facts." Like feeling resentful at your partner for telling you not to apply for a job for a reason that you felt didn't matter despite the fact that you chose not to apply for other reasons and you wouldn't have gotten it anyway for completely unrelated reasons.

>>31658528
If my feelings don't match the facts, I change them to fit the facts.
If my partner is making unreasonable requests then being asshurt motivates me to communicate this with her, so that's a feeling fitting the facts.
If my partner is just trying to help and I'm being asshurt then yeah that's not justified and I will instead appreciate her attempts to help, but I'll also use my desire to have a good partner to tell her how to be more effective - if I know how. Chances are if I'm having a problem and I'm not fixing it then I may have no idea how she can help, and I'll just be thankful instead of resentful.

>>31658507
>>31658526
....oh.
When anon said "you guys explicitly told me NOT to do", I assumed he was talking about the ones giving advice.

All the anons I see yammering about not letting girls know you want to split their uprights are either anons seeking advice while terrified of getting cancelled or the trolls demanding that people stop trying to have sex because "it's over".

I haven't seen it as advice, just as doomspeak without suggestion or solution.

>>31658554
>anons seeking advice while terrified of getting cancelled
Oh yeah. Well I don't give a shit about being cancelled as I don't work in news or film, I work as an accountant, so you can't just get a job for being queer, and you can't just fire someone for not being queer.
How/why would I get cancelled for hitting on girls anyway? Is it fascist to like tits now or something?

>>31658554
>>31658577
Wait I think I get it.
A woman would be uncomfortable with an unwanted sexual advance (which is true)
and anon thinks that a woman being uncomfortable means that ppl are automatically going to agree with her and protect her feelings.
Nah, that doesn't happen. At least not generally. Sure some places automatically agree with the feelings of any random women since they're so inundated with simps and lesbians that they think a woman's feelings are important, but in general a random woman with no clout talking shit is just a random woman with no clout talking shit.

Girl approached me and asked what music i like and i said music is gay and that shes fat
She walked off even though i said it really nice how did i fuck up?

>>31658594
>how did i fuck up?
Said "she's fat" instead of "I wanna belly drum on your tummy"

>>31658470
Pretty sure that's illegal and dangerous without the parents' being onboard. Parent approval was my line in the sand back when I met a 15 year old girl. It kinda removed some of my older guy mystique and allure, I suspect.

Anyway, I strongly discourage seriously dating anyone that young. A fifteen year old can be radically different person six years later whereas a thirty year old likely won't be much different when they're thirty six. Nothing like waiting three years to get rejected by someone different than the person you waited for.

I can't throw stones at dating someone half your age though.

>>31658504
>Yea you gotta ease them into it while they're young, before other men get to use them for their bodies
Meh
That's like saying the best fish are shot in a barrel. I mean, hatcheries exist, we could quibble. But people are out there catching marlin. You're not intentionally seeking the barrel for the quality and you, me, and everyone else knows it.

And for the record but not necessarily related, caviar is fucking disgusting.

>>31658613
>That's like saying the best fish are shot in a barrel.
To be fair the issue isn't so much "fish in the barrel" but "I wanna go fishing, and I may not have a fishing rod but man do I got barrels"

>>31658541
>I change my emotions
Yeah. That's literally what I am talking about. "Changing emotions" doesn't just happen. That's just suppression with positive spin.

>I'll just be thankful instead of resentful.
Yeah. That doesn't fucking work. You can't "choose" to not feel irrational resentment.

I used that example because it was real. It was incredibly stupid and minor and I chose to focus on my gratitude for her concern for me instead of my stupid and irrational resentment. But it didn't go anywhere. It was like a cotton swab in the back of a car. Noticeable but negligible. But they add up.
Eventually, she noticed.
I finally got around to listing a bunch of petty grievances that weren't worth mentioning and before she could even respond I felt a hundred times better.

Because the fact is that my feelings ARE facts. You can't change facts.
The fact is that I can feel feelings that are irrational. So can you. The irrational feelings don't change facts either. But they still need to be resolved and not ignored or "changed" into more acceptable feelings.

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I'm 24 and I got laid once, when I was 19. the girl was 17 and it was in Illinois. I met her through a friend hangout and I asked her for her Instagram. I messaged her and we went on a date where we smoked weed with her bong at the park at night, she's goth. I paid for the weed and I had a car at the time. the next time i see her I got laid after I woke up on her bed and I started kissing her because she was next to me. the next day she calls me to hang out but she leads me through her alley and a bunch of teens hooligans beat me up. also I went unconscious and was conscious again walking on the sidewalk. I also didn't feel any of the jumping but got pretty beat up. so I ask you guys, why did she want me to get beat up? a woman told me I fucked her so good thats why but desu I'm so confused as to why would this happen to meeee

>>31658577
>>31658593
I don't know. Sometimes it's like zoomers literally believe social media, 4chan, TikTok, and Pornhub are the most accurate reflections of all reality everywhere. ...or something? I honestly don't know.
It's like the whole "Only Chad gets women" thing. Like, I have eyes. I see the public. The opposite is literally all around me all the time. I don't understand how they can maintain the delusion.

Meanwhile, Duluth is not Los Angeles.

>>31658632
I suppose? I'm not sure how that's a clarification.

But anyway, my advice is that it really isn't that hard to get a fishing rod. You might not land a marlin, but it's really not that impossible to fish with a fishing rod.

>>31658661
>"Changing emotions" doesn't just happen
Can and does.
You're not the first person to believe otherwise, but you're wrong.
>You can't "choose" to not feel irrational resentment.
You can once you notice it's irrational and it's not working. It's just very good at lying to you in the moment and acting like it's justified, so you often don't have the presence of mind to choose otherwise.
>It was like a cotton swab in the back of a car. Noticeable but negligible.
Wait, if you're instead meaning "Some part of my brain is still trying to get me to feel irrational resentment" then yeah I have that. But that's not me feeling the emotion. If I'm not subjectively experiencing the emotion, it's not taking up space in my conscious experience.
Sure it can have physiological effects sometimes but then it just feels like I'm wrangling a disobedient toddler who's trying to create problems. I'm not the toddler, the toddler is something external.
>Because the fact is that my feelings ARE facts. You can't change facts.
False. Facts, presuming they exist in reality, are facts and are unchanging.
Feelings are in your brain and in your subjective experience, you control those (at least somewhat).
>they still need to be resolved
No they fucking don't, they just feeds them. Resolving an unjustified emotion is the worst thing you can do if you want to alter them, because that gives them rent free space in your mind.
Simply don't satisfy the emotion, don't agree with the emotion, disagree with what the emotion is trying to say, don't use the emotion to make decisions, and EVENTUALLY that part of your brain that's trying to get you to feel the dumbass emotion will fuck off.
>and not ignored or "changed" into more acceptable feelings.
That is exactly how I change my emotions and it works.

>>31658661
Also, I know the difference between suppressing and changing an emotion.
Suppressing means part of you is still feeling it and it takes ongoing effort to not respond.
Changing means you initially use effort to overwrite the emotion so as to avoid being affected by it, but as you build a habit from that, it takes less and less effort until it's automatic.
(Not sure if suppression works the same way, it probably does, but suppression feels bad so I don't do it, I change instead)

>>31658613
> Illegal
It's not, we didn't fool around or sleep together, I just hang out with her
> Dangerous
To whom? We like spending time with each other and I'm making sure my girl is feeling safe at all times
> Parents
Yeah I know them, her mom is alright I helped her a few times and I worked on some stuff with her dad
> A fifteen year old can be radically different person six years later
Women change their behaviour around the man they're with, not independently

>>31658738
>> Dangerous
>To whom
Her to herself because not only is she a woman, but she's got turbo charged hormones and a lack of other options developed in her life owing to her (relative) lack of life development.
If she makes a dumbass "choice" in passively experiencing her emotions and automatically seeking to satisfy them via the most immediate path possible, and that immediate path is being your simp, then she'll trample her own psychological development in an attempt to chase her cunt in the here and now.
Sure, adults do that too, which is why I don't believe in informed consent as a legal or moral framework. But it's easier to get children to double down on it, and letting a child wreck themselves out of impulsive stupidity is something parents (and thus society) tend to want to protect them from.

>>31658746
>>31658738
Now, you could just be
"passively experiencing her emotions and trying to satisfy them in the here and now is the ideal state of the woman, I shall acclimatise her to satisfying those emotions only through my affection and approval, thus making her the ideal wife"
Firstly that's unreliable as fuck. Neither of you are at the wheel and steering her emotional drives, meaning that she could catch depression or become slutty and there wouldn't be a damn thing either of you could do to stop it. She isn't training emotional self-control, and you literally can't control her emotions for her, you just make some emotions easier to express.
Secondly you have to admit that society at least pretends people have agency, and by completely disrespecting her capacity to make her own decisions, you're assigning her the role of an emotional slave, with no input on her part. Not that she'd give that input since she's a woman and she doesn't know any better than agreeing with her emotions, but society at least keeps the option on the table of her being a sentient creature that can choose what she wants.

>>31658746
Nah she's mature enough but no trauma, likes being guided. We're basically best friends for now but she's started wearing skirts and heels around me more often kek

>>31658782
Welp, best of luck to you, but I wouldn't do that if I were you.

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>>31658698
>You're not the first person to believe otherwise, but you're wrong.
You're not the first poster to insist that full control of your emotions is perfectly normal but the other one has a tulpa gf in his head and isn't schizophrenic but is schizoanon.
So, yeah. There's someone who agrees with you.

>It's just very good at lying to you in the moment and acting like it's justified, so you often don't have the presence of mind to choose otherwise.
Not at all the case here. It was immediately apparent that the emotion I was feeling was unjustified. But, as I just said, I was feeling it. Not thinking it as a logical idea, but *feeling* it.

>"Some part of my brain is still trying to get me to feel irrational resentment" then yeah I have that. But that's not me feeling the emotion.
It literally is.
>I'm not the toddler, the toddler is something external.
You are not separate from your brain. You aren't even a separate program running on the same hardware as your brain. You are a composite of countless programs running in tandem.
Subconscious emotions exist as part of you.
You are not your emotions.
Your emotions, even subconscious or suppressed, are still a part of you. So is your indigestion for that matter.

>If I'm not subjectively experiencing the emotion, it's not taking up space in my conscious experience.
Subconscious emotions affect you. Suppressed emotions affect you. You are not fully in control of what emotions you experience.

>Facts, presuming they exist in reality, are facts and are unchanging.
That a person is currently feeling an emotion is a fact just like a lamp being turned on is a fact. It can change far quicker and easier but it's a fact.

>Feelings are in your brain and in your subjective experience, you control those (at least somewhat).
Pain is also in your brain and in your subjective experience and some people can completely suppress it. That doesn't mean that if I kick you in the balls the pain in your mind is not a fact.

1/2

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>>31658698
>>31658806
>No they fucking don't
Yes they do.

>they just feeds them
Successfully resolving them doesn't. Chewing them like a mouth sore might.

>Resolving an unjustified emotion is the worst thing you can do if you want to alter them, because that gives them rent free space in your mind.
Resolve means "settle or find a solution to". I refer to fully processing the emotions such that they RESOLVE and no longer present themselves. As in, venting your resentment and no longer feeling it.
I strongly suspect you've been operating under the assumption that validated the existence of an emotion is somehow intrinsically linked to justifying it and possibly listening to it.
Actually, listening to it is exactly what one should do. Listen to the warning so the alarm can stop, but don't follow irrational warnings.

>Simply don't satisfy the emotion, don't agree with the emotion, disagree with what the emotion is trying to say, don't use the emotion to make decisions, and EVENTUALLY that part of your brain that's trying to get you to feel the dumbass emotion will fuck off.
100% agree. Completely.
But allow yourself to FEEL the emotion.
Feel the stupid emotion until it wears itself out and fades away. Otherwise you're just tucking it away for later. And that shit builds up and develops into things like supportive OCD that becomes crippling in rare circumstances.
Emotional issues can take time to build up and blossom. You're probably about ten to fifteen years away from serious issues.

>That is exactly how I change my emotions and it works
Cool story Todd.

>>31658806
>It was immediately apparent that the emotion I was feeling was unjustified. But, as I just said, I was feeling it.
Well then try otherwise, your chance of debunking the emotion isn't literally 0%. Sure, it's not 100% either, but still.
>You are not separate from your brain.
Parts of it yes, parts of it no. I know I'm not in the part of the brain that chooses my heartrate, and I'm not really in the part that generates pain, but I am in the part that assesses when the pain I'm experiencing exceeds my desire to continue.
>Subconscious emotions exist as part of you.
They don't, that's the point. They're their own thing that are pretty good at controlling the body's physiological responses, but when it comes to affecting me directly, it's more they make very insistent suggestions and are good at lying, LARPing, and sometimes even forcing their way into my subjective experience.
But even when they try to force their way in I can still push back against them, and I don't always lose that fight.
>Your emotions, even subconscious or suppressed, are still a part of you.
If they're subconscious or if they're overwritten properly then they aren't my emotions, they're the brain's.

>That a person is currently feeling an emotion is a fact
Oh yeah, I can agree with that.
>It can change far quicker and easier
Which, the emotion or the lamp? They're pretty much on par, assuming you're sitting down and to change the lamp you need to stand up.
>Pain is also in your brain and in your subjective experience and some people can completely suppress it.
Yeah I tried, I'm not good enough to do that. I can reduce pain but not eliminate it entirely.
Some brain sensations are really fucking forceful and dismissing or overwriting them requires more intent or control than I have. It's frustrating. But I don't lose 100% of the time.

>>31658810
>>No they fucking don't
>Yes they do.
No seriously, if you give weight or importance to an emotion, even if it's just to tell it "No", then you're still feeding it and giving it cognitive weight. If you want to change the emotion, then you should do the exact opposite of that. Dismiss the desire as being a hallucination and disagreeing with any need/want to satisfy said desire.
>Resolve means "settle or find a solution to".
Yeah that's what I mean.
You just don't do that.
You don't settle them. You don't find a solution to them. You just stop feeling them, thereby solving the problem by not having the problem.
>I refer to fully processing the emotions such that they RESOLVE and no longer present themselves.
Or you could just not process them and let them be their own problem.
>As in, venting your resentment and no longer feeling it.
Or you could just not feel the resentment.
>I strongly suspect you've been operating under the assumption that validated the existence of an emotion is somehow intrinsically linked to justifying it and possibly listening to it.
No I understand the difference between the following statements:
"I feel guilty"
"My brain is trying to trick me into feeling guilty"
"The guilt is justified"
You simply don't understand the difference between the first and second.
>But allow yourself to FEEL the emotion.
>Feel the stupid emotion until it wears itself out and fades away.
That feels worse than overthrowing the emotion and takes more willpower than overthrowing the emotion. It's the difference between sliding down a railing and hitting your nuts on the ball at the end, vs. sliding down a railing and going "Hmm today I would not like to hurt my nuts" and hopping off before hitting the end.
Sure, in the first case, you're building your tolerance to pain and maybe you're training yourself to not respond to fear. But is that really more of a benefit than simply not hurting your nuts?

>>31658711
>Changing means you initially use effort to overwrite the emotion so as to avoid being affected by it, but as you build a habit from that, it takes less and less effort until it's automatic.
That's suppression if done unhealthily or redirection if done in a healthy way.
You're likely doing both.
In healthy redirection I believe you actually acknowledge the initial emotion, validate is a real feeling you're feeling. And then make the deliberate decision to redirect your focus on something else.

I have a kink like that. I have zero desire to engage even any thought with it. But I don't supress it or deny it's existence. When it pops up I simply, wordlessly think something like "Oh, this again. No. I'd rather not. What else can think about..."

***

>Once you have developed an awareness of your thoughts and emotions, the next step is to acknowledge them without judgment. It is essential to recognize that it is normal to experience negative emotions and engage in negative thought patterns – the key is to learn how to manage them effectively.
>When you notice a negative thought or emotion arising, acknowledge its presence without judging yourself for experiencing it.
>This can help prevent the negative thought or emotion from spiraling into a more significant issue, and it creates an opportunity for you to practice redirection.
>After acknowledging a negative thought or emotion, take a moment to pause and reflect on what may have triggered it. >This can help you identify patterns in your thinking and emotions, enabling you to better understand the underlying causes and address them more effectively.

Yeah. It's Redirection. But I suspect that you're harshly judging your irrational emotions. But I am not an expert.

>>31658810
>Feel the stupid emotion until it wears itself out and fades away. Otherwise you're just tucking it away for later.
Instead of tucking it away for later you could just stop using it as a response.
Sure, that takes a few weeks or maybe months to learn, of consistently choosing a different response than your defaults. But your brain does eventually adapt to the emotions you keep having it practice.
>And that shit builds up and develops into things like supportive OCD that becomes crippling in rare circumstances.
That happens when you're coping with or suppressing an unwanted desire, and is why you don't cope with or suppress an unwanted desire.
Simply stop the desire and you sidestep all of this.
>Emotional issues can take time to build up and blossom. You're probably about ten to fifteen years away from serious issues.
Ah yes of course. You're right because you can see the future and your future sense conveniently proves you right.
No, in the future I handle my problems, same as I am now. I'd like to say that in the future you notice that waiting 30 years for me to have a problem that I never ended up having meant you were a dumbass, but you'll be like "NO BRO 30 MORE YEARS SURELY" like the copefag you are.
What, am I gonna come on here when I'm 100 years old and people are gonna be like "Bro if you had lived another 30 years .... surely ..."? Of course they are, since they don't want to admit they're full of shit.

>>31658794
I'm planning to marry her anyway, not gonna miss this opportunity

>>31658866
>That's suppression if done unhealthily or redirection if done in a healthy way.
Might be redirection.
>In healthy redirection I believe you actually acknowledge the initial emotion, validate is a real feeling you're feeling. And then make the deliberate decision to redirect your focus on something else.
Yeah that makes sense, assuming by "focus" you meant "what you're paying attention to and subjectively experiencing".
Though given that I'll often CREATE a counter-emotion that I wasn't feeling before in order to overwrite an incorrect one, I'm not sure it's true.
E.g. if I notice myself getting bored, or I notice boredom trying to happen to me, while I'm in a meeting and I'm meant to be paying attention to relevant information and drawing connections.
Then I'll choose to feel interested in and engaged with the meeting. I find this hardcounters boredom. I'll do that even though before I noticed the boredom, chances are I was just passively experiencing data, evaluating truth, and drawing connections without feeling one way or another about it.
In that case, there was no interest or excitement to focus on before I chose to feel it, so it's not a shift in focus, it's a shift in intent - I intend to feel engaged, and so I do.
Is that redirection?
If so, I do that.

>>31658866
>Once you have developed an awareness of your thoughts and emotions, the next step is to acknowledge them without judgment.
Makes sense for people whose judgement gets automatically biased by trying to solve or satisfy their emotions.
In my case I just judge things. Not because I'm unbiased - I'm biased as fuck, but that's because I want to be. My bias is optional and if I want to evaluate things without using the bias, I can just do that.
Though admittedly that's only if I'm aware of the difference between my subjective evaluation and objective truth, and I do get the two confused from time to time. If I'm not aware I have a bias then I don't consider unloading that bias as an option.
>It is essential to recognize that it is normal to experience negative emotions and engage in negative thought patterns
It being normal is completely irrelevant to whether they are either A. changeable or B. worth changing. But presumably this is for people who react to shame in an avoidant or shutdown way, and who care about whether something is normal or not before they opt to feel shame about it. For them, this makes sense.
>the key is to learn how to manage them effectively.
Yup

>When you notice a negative thought or emotion arising, acknowledge its presence without judging yourself for experiencing it.
I know what people mean when they say this and it's a fucking retarded way of saying it.
What they mean is that you don't deter yourself with irrational shame or blame or coping.
That's completely different to evaluating whether what you're doing is a smart idea.
Both of those are judging yourself, meaning that you have to both judge the fuck out of yourself and not judge yourself at all, meaning the language use is retarded.
>This can help prevent the negative thought or emotion from spiraling into a more significant issue
Literally just don't spiral bro, solve problem by not having problem.

>>31658866
>After acknowledging a negative thought or emotion, take a moment to pause and reflect on what may have triggered it.
This is LARPing.
The answer they want is "Stimulus X'. The actual answer is "Because my habit of responding to stimulus X is poorly trained". They don't admit that your emotional responses can be hallucinations.
Feeling it in your own perspective doesn't mean you were right to do so or justified to do so. It does mean that you felt it, but that doesn't mean you have to passively accept feeling it the next time it happens.
>This can help you identify patterns in your thinking and emotions, enabling you to better understand the underlying causes and address them more effectively.
Underlying cause: Habitually accept / permit incorrect response to stimulus X
Addressing the underlying cause: Don't use incorrect response to stimulus X
Obviously it's not always that easy in practice because some habits are fucking HARD to change, and some may simply be out of your scope, meaning you need to endure the dumbass response even though you know it's unjustified.
Thankfully, most problems are solvable. At least, the ones that happen to me are.

>>31658839
>try otherwise, your chance of debunking the emotion isn't literally 0%. Sure, it's not 100% either, but still.
What? Wtf are you talking about? I identify it as irrational. I let myself feel the irrational feeling, it resolves. Nothing to debunk.

>They don't, that's the point.
They do. You Imagine that they don't. THAT is the point.

>it's more they make very insistent suggestions and are good at lying, LARPing, and sometimes even forcing their way into my subjective experience.
>But even when they try to force their way in I can still push back against them, and I don't always lose that fight.
Sure thing, you are your own man, alright! No subconscious is pulling *your* strings.
You don't know your own brain as well as you imagine you do.
Pic related

>If they're subconscious or if they're overwritten properly then they aren't my emotions, they're the brain's.
No effective difference.

>>31658855
>You simply don't understand the difference between the first and second.
Yes I do. The second has you imagining that your brain and subconscious are separate from you. Possibly with its own motivations.
If you are feeling irrational guilt, then YOU are the one trying to make you feel it. And it's working. Maybe there's some poorly associated linked memory like the smell of cut grass linking to summer. So the emotion is irrational. Oh well. The emotion says you need to do something stupid. You don't have to do that. But rather than train my brain to ignore that emotion, I simply fully acknowledge it and experience it. And I move on.

>>31658855
>That feels worse than overthrowing the emotion and takes more willpower than overthrowing the emotion.
Damn straight. That helps me know that it's the better path. But the real clincher was the time spent dealing with the emotions.

I've had a sad fucking life and there's nothing to be done about that. Never was. But a lifetime of "changing" my emotions created a childhood habit of distraction that coped with my ADHD but that shut down hard when I had severe emotional issues a few years back.
Now I can see how I wrestled with anxiety and depression for decades when I didn't need to.

Yeah. You're winning most of the fights easily. But what if you didn't need to fight at all?
Instead of weeks of successfully fending off mild anxiety and depression, I spent part of an hour feeling really, really fucking sad and then felt amazing afterwards.
Sometimes feeling irrational emotions is fine. It's just feelings bro.

>>31658979
>What? Wtf are you talking about?
Debunking the emotion.
You take the emotion
You assert it as false
You dismiss it from your decision-making process
And you assert that it clears itself from your brain

>You Imagine that they don't.
Yes of course, I'm the one with the hallucinations because they disagree with your preconceived notions, yes? I can't possibly be aware of myself and exist in a state that isn't what you expect. No, I have to be inaccurate about myself because that would mean you're -wrong-.
Well, you're wrong.
Either that or what I'm calling "subconscious" is not actually a subconscious. It's the part of your brain that tries to give you emotions based on habitual past responses, matching your current situation to a similar situation that happened in the past, and summoning up an emotion based on how you chose to respond (or how you passively permitted yourself to respond) in that situation, yes?
If so, that ain't me, that's an external process in the same brain that I am.

>You don't know your own brain as well as you imagine you do.
Alternatively you could be delusional and presuming you know more about me than you actually do, and believing in bullshit since you don't want to admit you're wrong.

>No effective difference (between an emotion you experience and an emotion you don't)
Excuse me?
There is a huge difference between experiencing an emotion and not experiencing an emotion, when it comes to making a decision and acting. It takes a LOT more willpower to act in an effective way when you're actively feeling e.g. unjustified fear or anger, vs if there's just some unjustified fear or anger that's trying to happen to you but you're just overwriting it with bravery or calm.

>>31658979
>The second has you imagining that your brain and subconscious are separate from you.
To be fair the brain isn't entirely separate from me. I literally run on the brain and its processes do affect me. Often even when I wish they didn't, especially tiredness. Fuck tiredness.
But they aren't 100% tied to me either, and I can smack them down and tell them to fuck off. Sometimes.
Given that I'm actively doing it, it's not an imagination. ... Or shit, maybe it is an imagination, because technically everything I believe and feel is imaginary, and I'm just picking whichever imaginary self/world-concept best fits with the rest of my self/world-concept.
I do still self-regulate, regardless of whether I'm an actual process or if I'm just a virtual process in a brain that happens to believe in my own existence. Virtual machines still clear junk data.
>If you are feeling irrational guilt, then YOU are the one trying to make you feel it.
Yes, obviously. By agreeing with the guilt that tries to affect me, that means I agree with the guilt that's trying to affect me. D'uh.
Instead, if irrational guilt is trying to happen to me and I know it's full of shit, I can be like "Yeah no, how about that isn't a part of who I am, thanks."
>Maybe there's some poorly associated linked memory like the smell of cut grass linking to summer.
I can disagree with those. In that case yes, the connection is irrational, and it doesn't go into my subconscious experience, except as a suggestion I move to trash.
>The emotion says you need to do something stupid.
Change the emotion.
>But rather than train my brain to ignore that emotion, I simply fully acknowledge it and experience it. And I move on.
If that works for you, so be it.
Personally I don't like that, so I try to undo the emotion, and I eventually succeed, despite my brain often tantrumming at me.

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>>31658870
>You're right because you can see the future
No dumbass. I can see history repeating itself.
But fine. Feel free to spend your life living however you want. I'm not invested in your life. Maybe your ability to "change" your emotions and rationally determine how to override your feelings will forever remain consistent or improve over the years, remaining free and unimpacted by life trials. And even if something were to eventually happen, certainly a lifetime of relying on your consistent ability to override your emotions couldn't possibly lead to any misfortune or cumulative affects on you, your behavior, or your ability to interact with others. Not even if that ability were suddenly impaired. Nah. You're good. After all, you win arguments on 4chan.

>>31659007
>>No effective difference (between an emotion you experience and an emotion you don't)
I was saying that there's no effective difference between you and your brain.

>>31658986
>But the real clincher was the time spent dealing with the emotions.
I will admit that if you just facetank the subjective experience then that takes less effort than overwriting the subjective experience. So that's an advantage on your end.
But isn't it fucking HARD to continue making good decisions if you've actively got a liar in your decision-making loop, whose """"justifications"""" and """"desires"""" you intuit as your own, and which you feel - actively feel - as being relevant to your situation and to your actions?
>a lifetime of "changing" my emotions created a childhood habit of distraction
That implies you weren't changing them (fully), you were delaying them (partially).
> that coped with my ADHD
Well I don't have ADHD and I do instead have mental process which can activate and deactivate brain pathways based on expected "Truth" or "Correctness" or the pathway in question.
>Now I can see how I wrestled with anxiety and depression for decades when I didn't need to.
Cool.
In my case I overcame my depression by choosing to value what I was already doing, and I've never had anxiety as a major problem. When it does pop up, I just disagree with what it's telling me to feel (even if it's a NOISY fucker at times) and continue acting in my own best interests.
>Yeah. You're winning most of the fights easily. But what if you didn't need to fight at all?
Because not feeling bad feels better than feeling bad.
>Instead of weeks of successfully fending off mild anxiety and depression, I spent part of an hour feeling really, really fucking sad and then felt amazing afterwards.
If it works for you, so be it. Knowing me I'd probably just grind my goddamn ass raw in deliberately feeling energised until I either crashed out or took the W.
>Sometimes feeling irrational emotions is fine. It's just feelings bro.
Honestly not for me. That's why I'd rather fix them than endure them.

>>31659055
>I was saying that there's no effective difference between you and your brain.
I experience my emotions, I don't experience my brain's emotions.

This has actually led to some issues in the past where people have noticed what my body is feeling before I do, usually noticing that it's winding up an aggression response while I'm just experiencing an increase in heartrate and temperature and going "hmm that's odd", until I notice that I can't quite move my (body's) arm accurately as it's too busy twitching, and then I'm like "Oh okay that explains it".

>>31659055
>Maybe your ability to "change" your emotions and rationally determine how to override your feelings will forever remain consistent or improve over the years, remaining free and unimpacted by life trials.
Of course it's impacted by life's trails, that's how I train it!
>And even if something were to eventually happen, certainly a lifetime of relying on your consistent ability to override your emotions couldn't possibly lead to any misfortune or cumulative affects on you, your behavior, or your ability to interact with others. Theoretically what negative effect could result from me constantly having the habit of correcting how I feel?
>Not even if that ability were suddenly impaired.
Well yeah no shit. Man used to walking his whole life suddenly experiences negative life outcomes after losing ability to walk. I know I'm mortal, I know that the parts which I run on can break down or degrade. They will do so and one day I will end.
I'm cool with that. It's not ideal but I'm cool with that.

>>31659068
>isn't it fucking HARD to continue making good decisions if you've actively got a liar in your decision-making loop, whose """"justifications"""" and """"desires"""" you intuit as your own, and which you feel - actively feel - as being relevant to your situation and to your actions?
It's a barking dog in a board meeting. It eventually settles and lies down. Nobody needs to pay attention to its input.
My depression spikes scream "I will always feel like this!" And my conscious mind sighs and let's it scream away. Sometimes I will say the opposite out loud just to hear it. But less than an hour later I am fine.

>That implies you weren't changing them (fully), you were delaying them (partially).
But I was no less certain than you that I had changed them. All the headstones were moved but I never moved the bodies.
(I can't tell if this Poltergeist reference is as obvious to everyone as it is to me)

>That's why I'd rather fix them than endure them.
And you'll eventually find out the long term effects of your skill at fixing them.
My advice is to question and investigate *before* it becomes a problem.

>>31651684
>choosing signals
Can I get a few examples of some of these?

>>31659104
>My depression spikes scream "I will always feel like this!" And my conscious mind sighs and let's it scream away.
Same, but in my case it's an external faggot knocking on the door to my mind and being like "LET ME IN BRO I'M REAL, YOU BELIEVE IN REALITY DON'T YOU" and then I just intend "Off." at it until it switches off.
>But I was no less certain than you that I had changed them.
Cool, I'm not you.
>All the headstones were moved but I never moved the bodies.
I ignore the headstones and move the bodies (to the disintegration sphere). After that point the headstones mean nothing.
>And you'll eventually find out the long term effects of your skill at fixing them.
I already have, solved my depression, solved my sexuality issues, solved my paranoia, and apparently I've solved my lack of sociability too somehow without even trying to (presumably by solving the paranoia).
Obviously I'm not perfect, I'm still lazy as fuck, but I don't really want to change that, so I don't.

>>31659076
>I experience my emotions, I don't experience my brain's emotions.
I am still saying that there's no effective difference between you and your brain.
Your conscious emotions and your subconscious emotions are both your brain's emotions.

>This has actually led to some issues in the past where people have noticed what my body is feeling before I do, usually noticing that it's winding up an aggression response while I'm just experiencing an increase in heartrate and temperature and going "hmm that's odd", until I notice that I can't quite move my (body's) arm accurately as it's too busy twitching, and then I'm like "Oh okay that explains it".
That's subconscious emotions, micro expressions, and an area of self awareness that you're lacking (not a criticism, nobody is 100%self aware).
And all of those and your conscious thoughts all originate in the brain.

***

...actually, at this point I think you're describing yourself as a delusion of sentience being experienced by your brain. As in, you brain is more real than you because it produces both its emotions and yours whereas you only have yours. All of your conscious self is part of your brain but not all of your brain is part of you. It's the whole and you are the part.
It's an unusual way to consider yourself as a separate, lesser part of your brain. But I can't find any logical fault with it. It
just seems like an unusual perspective of it to me.

>>31659130
>I already have
How "long term" are you talking about here?

>>31659162
>How "long term" are you talking about here?
Let's see, first intentional planned change in emotional habit was at 15yo (when I changed my fetishes to be more mainstream of an ERP whore) but I only really started minmaxing it around 25yo (to solve depression), and I'm 38yo now.
So let's say 13 years.

What's the difference between a girl being nervous around you in the good way vs the bad way

>>31653401
Gonna share a story or are you just bullshitting?

>>31659157
>at this point I think you're describing yourself as a delusion of sentience being experienced by your brain.
Well yeah, aren't I?
I mean I'd disagree with the delusion part, but of course I would, I'm biased and I believe I exist in my own perspective.
But still, the fact that at one point I managed to induce a fugue state / memory gap (and it was fucking hard to do, holy shit) means that no, no I'm not an inherent requirement of this brain's operation. So yeah, I guess I'm a hallucination/projection of various mental processes.
Still, I do self-regulate even though I'm virtual.
> you brain is more real than you because it produces both its emotions and yours whereas you only have yours.
Yeah, no shit. Where else could my emotions be? And the brain obviously has sensations and processes in it that aren't part of me.
> All of your conscious self is part of your brain
Yes
>but not all of your brain is part of you.
Yes
>It's the whole and you are the part.
Wouldn't be so quick to call it "whole", brain is affected by digested substances and it's affected by physical fatigue. But yeah it's close enough.
>It's an unusual way to consider yourself as a separate, lesser part of your brain.
It's literally true though?
I mean I don't choose what my heartrate is. I've tried. It's legit outside my sphere of choice. I've tried to intentionally will myself out of a Shock state before and guess what? NO SALE, Syncope deployed. Whereas if I just do some fucking squats then that fixes it.
>just seems like an unusual perspective of it to me.
Yeah but it's true though so I have that perspective.

>>31659171
Eh, fair enough

My points stand. I wouldn't walk across that bridge but it's held you up so far.
Good luck with that.

>>31659196
And good luck with being a tenant, hopefully your brain is a good landlord.

>>31659215
>I wouldn't walk across that bridge
Neither would I if it wasn't a necessary step to getting what I want.
What was it Nietzsche said? A dangerous crossing, a dangerous wayfaring, a dangerous looking-back?
I feel that. I am that. Still, given the choice between suffering the pain of gitting gud and suffering the pain of staying shit, given that "no pain" isn't an option on the table, I'll go with the next best option.
>And good luck with being a tenant, hopefully your brain is a good landlord.
She's a horny landlord, and my brain is a brothel.
So I'd say: Yes.

>>31653670
Two days. She doesn't seem too keen given she's left me on read all day lol.

>>31659236
>She's a horny landlord, and my brain is a brothel.
Okay, now you're sounding like schizoanon again.
Heh

>>31659281
>Okay, now you're sounding like schizoanon again.
Greetings.

>>31651579
Realistically speaking how viable is becoming a passport bro?
Do I need connections? Do I need to know people?
I honestly don't want these used up of the west, I'm a east European living in the west, but let me tell you, even east EU is pozzed beyond salvation
Even worse probably at this point

>gf and i did it in her room
>i accidentally dropped the condom wrapper (not the condom itself) in the hallway unknowingly
>her dad comes home
>walks into the hall on 2 separate occasions
>gf's sister goes into hall at a different time
>gf's mom goes into hall at a different time
>gf goes upstairs and then comes back down with the wrapper in hand, saying it was on the floor
what do? will her family be mad at her or me or both? Did they even see it? I had dinner with them and nothing felt odd, her dad offered me more food. We've been together for almost 3 years and I don't want to ruin mine or my gf's relationship with her parents. I'm scared :(

>>31659323
Assume nobody saw it.
Operate under the pretense that it never happened.
No other option makes sense to take.

Blah blah blah (not reading all comments, let alone what you said ) I’m a femcel and super drunk , so it don’t matter what it think! But! Personally opinion to genuinely want to answer the question! Women who are ”real” love to be realsted to or be complimented (not just in a physical way if u want a gf) they want genuine conversation and alot of compliments and reassurance (don’t be creepy) I Promise you if we have stuff in common and your nice to me, I’ll fall for you

>>31659356
>Assume nobody saw it.
Yeah that's really all I can do. It is odd how so many people walked past it and on multiple occasions but never bothered to pick it up or shew it away. I just don't want my gf's parents to confront her about it, make a big fuss and then that creates a (hopefully) temporary bump in our relationship

>>31653696
Baby back bitch

what the fuck I thought I had herpes or something, but it's apparently folliculitis and I think my doxycycline might be fucking my CNS due me to exercising so goddamn much. Either that or some asymptomatic HPV viral shit.

at least the cunts at work probably have real STDs so I can laugh at them still

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I have no skills whatsoever on how to text girls. I can get a girl on Tinder to give me her IG and we text some but i feel like we lose energy with every conversation.

Are there any guides or shit on that?

>>31660057
texting is good for a while, but then i think you have to set up a date in person otherwise it gets stale

>>31660057
try & get her number within the first day or first maybe 5-10 messages if they are a slow responder. once you get the number, hit the introductions & then get something planned & ask them about what they like & shit. I fumbled too many girls by texting too long before asking them out.

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>finally matched with a cute girl on Tinder after few that i wasn't that interested in
>same interests, goes to the gym, similar hobbies
>cute af with a style that i like
>we talk, share IGs and it's all going smoothly, i asked her out and she said she's leaving and wont be back for few days
>some time passes and i text and ask her when she's available
>she tells me she already met someone on the day we matched and wants to meet him now so she's not interested in a date at this moment
Fucking over. I hate this shit. I don't get it. I AM attractive, girls openly told me i am hot to my face, i've been making out with girls at parties, i stayed at a girls place and made out etc. but nothing ever moved past that. Never had a gf, never had sex, cannot have a girl all over me or want to date. I seriously want to give up because i cannot figure out what is wrong with me, even when i'm going to therapy and try to figure this shit out.

>>31659573
Short dick faggot.

>>31660636
That sounds like just bad timing.
It happens.
Sometimes you do everything right and still are met with failure.
Such is life.

>>31660921
i really try hard so that it wont' get to me but it's a pattern of my life
every time i just cannot get a girl no matter what

>>31651579
What would be a females perspective of a 27 year old man who is hyper focused on work and now in a good position financially. However , i focused on work and work exclusively and now i lifted my head up and realized im alone. I've invested pretty well , God fearing man, and have great family values - i just got so focused on crafting a life that i have always dreamed of.


I'm just sick and tired of being alone. However i did it to myself.

>>31660921
I just want to say that I've read a fair bit of your advice over the few days and you seem like a very solid person.

>>31659184
Good ways
>she likes you
>she doesn't want to screw it up

Bad ways
>she thinks you're too good for her so you're playing a trick on her by showing interest
>she's insecure around you and will hurt you to protect herself
>she thinks you're going to rape her

>>31661129
How can you tell the difference?

>>31661248
Your behavior around her will usually make the difference, otherwise you have to learn how to read people.
If you can't do that, be prepared to find out the hard way. Every time I had some insecure girl who hurt me before (in her mind) I could hurt her first, in retrospect it always turned out to be someone who I could do better than and who I should have never wasted my time with.

>>31661051
"Hard working"
That's the only details we have to work with. It's often considered a positive trait.

>>31661066
>you seem like a very solid person.
Thank you. I try. Plus, that's in my top five favorite states of matter!

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This is the worst thread on 4chan and you should all kill yourselves for being born into industrial society. There is no hope.

>>31661394
And yet here you are, posting here with us instead of living alone in the woods eating tubers or something.
Why not practice what you preach anon? Could it be you just want attention? Well here you go buddy, have a (You) on me.

>>31661420
I want to see society live a superior pre-industrial lifestyle. Not just do it myself. Doing it all by myself is lonely and pointless.

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Anyone have any experience with pheromones? Bullshit or not? picrel claims it's not bullshit, but if it worked, wouldn't every guy on earth have bought some

Have you guys tried >>31661321 ?

It helped me get a wife. I'm a Christian thoughever.

Are dating apps absolutely hopeless for bellow average guy?
After two months, I did not get a single match.
How can I even start talking to women when I am not given the chance in the first place.

>>31661599
Well I mean, logically there's nothing to go on for people on a dating site besides your pic. It's a visual medium by nature.
So with in mind, yeah if you're below average in looks, it's literally not meant for you. You have two options: either do what you can to improve your looks to above average, or just focus on meeting women in real life.
Ideally, you'll hedge your bets and do both.

>>31661472
for some reason, attractiveness is not my problem, personality is.

I almost want to go back to the way it was before when I looked like shit and no one payed attention to me. Now everyone treats me different and gives me their attention.

hmm, the other day the asian pussy at work said "you're gonna get sick" and now I'm sick. If I happen to die, someone investigate that.

>>31661872
hmm might be a great lawsuit or something too

>>31661599
>>31661652
I did okay before swipe apps dominated the market.
Swipe apps are objectively shit for anything besides superficial hook ups.
And that's only good guys who look decent in photos.

>>31661872
Maybe stop licking the toilet bowls in the women's bathroom at work?

Fun Fact: the only white woman in Toronto who contracted SARS a while back was humorously cursed by a wiccan to get it beforehand.

>>31658121
damn nigga, i decided to listen to you and continue not messaging her. today she actually called my phone for help.

maybe i wasnt the first person she asked, maybe it doesnt mean anything, but ill take it

I'm at the country fair and there's a pretty girl I've never seen before. we're both in our twenties. she's with a female friend, I'm alone.

how do I approach her? what do I say to get her number?

>>31662578
1. direct. "you're stunning and i'd kick myself if i didn't introduce myself"
2. shoot the shit / casual talk
3. exit first, saying you've gotta go but you'd love to get her number

gl anon

>>31662578
basically do the "Let me introduce myself" from sympathy for the devil, something like "Hey, I'm so-and-so" then ask for her number in some way that makes it obvious it's only because she's extremely attractive. It's probably even better if everyone else sees you do it, just makes her look even better in the eyes of others.

>>31654699
Bump.

>>31662420
If she's calling you that's a good sign. Keep at it.

>>31660057
>>31657606

>>31651579
I just came back from a date. It was 5 hours long which I really didn't expect. We had lunch and then walked and talked for hours.

She is really reserved, as am I. She said straight up that she doesn't kiss on the first date which I'm ok with because I typically like to move slower anyways.

At the very end of the date, I walked her to her car, and before we split she said "It was great meeting you". Am I reading too much into this or is this game over?

>>31664141
>She is really reserved
>It was 5 hours long
>talked for hours
wat
>Am I reading too much into this or is this game over?
In my experience if it's over the girl will usually try to leave in the first two hours.

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One girl will say yes eventually.
One girl will go with a second date (without referring to me as friend)
One day
LFG bros

What's the best way to invite a girl straight to your place or you to her place for pre-agreed upon suck and fucks?

where are the best places to pick up chicks that arent a dating app or a bar/club

>>31664343
Campus

Is it even possible to learn how to do thus as a 27 year old anxious autist who gave up on all his consumerist nerd "hobbies" and has nothing to replace them with?

>>31664537
It's easy to try out hobbies. You don't even have to succeed. Some you'll hate, some you'll like for a bit, and some you'll want to keep. And the best part is you can start dating early into your exploration. "I just got back from [whatever hobby you're trying out]" is a great conversation piece.

The anxiety and autism are a different beast. You may or may not be able to treat them well enough to succeed. It's definitely possible to improve your social skills though.

So I matched with this girl on Hinge and we got a date set up. She seems interested but communication might as well be non-existent, only texted me once or twice per day.

I'll still try to go to the date, but it's basically over for this one, right?

>>31651579
Vros did I fuck up?
>Be me
>20
>Meet QT at park early last month, 19
>Could instantly tell she was into me
>We agree on a date the next day
>Goes great, we fuck at her place
>We continue seeing each other
>"Anon, what are we?"
>catches me off-guard, I don't exactly give an answer
>We agree to have the convo another time
>This was over a week ago
>Now she's taking a lot longer to text back
>She's busy with school and work on week days, so we're probably going out Friday(plans aren't confirmed because of response time)

She's losing interest, right? If this falls through, no big deal(I have a new date tomorrow) but I wouldn't mind being exclusive with her. Did I fumble by dancing around the question?

>>31657640
I think this makes a lot more sense than cold approach. talking to EVERYONE and have a baseline of just being sociable in general means you'll meet not just women, but men who know other women, people who can get you into places, make friends, learn things, have a group or someone you know literally anywhere you go, etc. it's much more beneficial to just be extroverted in general and I'm trying to change my personality from 50/50 intro/extrovert to full extrovert. it's hard but I'm taking small steps.

cold approach went from something that seemed kind of possible to just being straight up indian delusion nowadays. what kind of fucking woman is going to go on a date or even give her number to a random who walks up to her at the store? it simply doesn't add up unless you're a 10/10 chad in which case you're not in these threads (don't try to LARP about it either - we're only in these threads because we're below average in some way).

>>31665230
Just keep the same energy, don’t chase or try harder to keep her. Maybe ghost for a little, and then come back hard like 5 days later. Make her worry or feel emotions, positive emotions, negative, they all work the same.

>>31665378
I always forget about this strat with women
>Make her worry or feel emotions
I (unknowingly) did this a couple weeks ago where I went about three, maybe four days without contact and she texted me confirming plans for the following day. Thanks anon

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why'd this chick go from dry and boring to suddenly wanting to meet up? is she ovulating?
I don't want to get my hopes up just for her to flake, we've already tried to meet up like twice and she just says she's too busy and tired. before this we didn't talk for a week.

>just shoot your shot
>the worst she can say is no!

>"I'm 17"
Whelp I can never go back to that Starbucks ever again (for reference I'm 32 but look mid 20s, have been mistaken for mid 20s even by teenagers)

>>31665694
Things aren't working out with Mr. Plan A so now it's time for Plan B

My ugly femcel friend is waiting for me with open arms and an ocean of love and kindness to give.
If I ever surrender, I can turn to her to get a gf.

BUT

I won't surrender. I'll keep searching for opportunities to ask pretty girls their number. It will just take a really long time since opportunities really have to be served to me on a silver plate in order for me to exploit them.
Naturally, the base requisite is being as nice as my ugly femcel friend

>>31665847
this was my first thought. she's suddenly very earnest about meeting up where before she was really wishy washy and it was hard to get her to commit.

>>31666155
just date your femcel friend and keep your eyes open
t. I have no friends because I'm a cunt

>>31666189
I would never break her heart. She doesn't deserve it.

How important is your reputation for picking up girls?
Obviously this applies to girls that are in your "vicinity" such as at work, university etc.
E.g. one of my previous exes told me the night we first made out, the other girls were saying I was "conservative" (which is a red flag for them apparently).
Though whether she was drunk or I was too attractive, she went through with it.
Is the council of womenz real?
I have made mistakes and pretty much ostracized myself from my uni cohort. Waiting for graduation and working though it'll probably follow me. (Nothing really bad, just breaking up with girls and then being drunk once at a new years party).

>>31665371
>what kind of fucking woman is going to go on a date or even give her number to a random who walks up to her at the store?

Quite a few women actually. You don't obviously start off saying "hey, wanna fuck?" and it is expected that you're putting your best foot forward and not just rocking up being an charisma-less fat slob but generally saying, striking up a conversation with an unfamiliar girl, building some rapport and then inviting her out somewhere has a pretty decent success rate. You have to understand that normal people aren't the autistic weirdos found on this site and are pretty open to social interaction wherever and won't panic and become uncomfortable because of it.

>to just being straight up indian delusion nowadays

Kind of funny you say that because I see a lot of pajeets with quite attractive women nowadays. If you ain't gonna have the guts to hit on them, Rajeesh will. And he'll be the one balls-deep in hot girls while you're jacking off.

>>31666473
what if i don't want to date, what if i just want sex
asking someone out on a date seems like it's meant to be a long term thing? i don't like giving mixed signals

>>31665371
>talking to everyone
yeah, that's something you should do, but at a point you can't just be sociable and wait for a woman to come talk to you

i did that, if you take care of your looks and are decent at talking, it will happen, just not a very reliable technique, you have to approach eventually

>>31666216
That's a bit of a silly question. Of course the things women hear about you before meeting with you will change their expectations of you and shape your interactions.

>>31666732
yeah idk why I asked the question. thanks. I'm tired

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>downloaded a dating app that claims women must make the first move
>paid for 1 week subscription
>gets matched over 10 times in 2 days
>their only message is "Hey" or "Hi"

How do i fucking respond? It seems like they matched with me out of pity and not because I look good or interesting

>>31666822
It's just the meta, the "Hi" is just this app's right swipe. Act like you would in any other app.

>>31666216
Women absolutely will talk to their friends about you, show your pictures, print your conversations.

>>31666918
Im pretty sure theyre typing it for my attention. Anyway how do i start a convo? Every time i talk to them, they just get bored of me by my 3rd msg

>gf worked golf outing with her parents this weekend
>driving around the course selling shots with her brothers girlfriend
>apparently she’s asking questions about me the entire time
>”yep I think I like this guy already,”
>go out with her last night
>calls her mom from my phone and puts it on speaker
>mom making jokes about how brothers gf was asking so much about me
>mom goes “well I hear so much about him I feel like I know him already,”
>gf making jokes “yeah we’ll see, I might cut him off soon,”
>mom laughs and goes “yeah right I can feel you smiling through the phone,”
>have a really deep talk later about boundaries and how she feels about me
>tells me it’s important that I tell her if anything ever makes me feel weird because she values me and wants me to trust her,
>tells me she’s falling really hard for me and she’s in love with me
>fuck like 3 times this morning
>she’s making jokes, I tell her I love it
>”well I love you,”
>kissing and hugging me before she goes


This shit alone cleared up any anxiety I had and I feel so good about this woman.

>>31668279
Congrats, anon. I'm happy for you.

>>31667052
Oy vey

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>the unyielding need to cuddle another human being is getting stronger
HELP

>>31666473
>I see a lot of pajeets with quite attractive women
Fucking lmfao
Sure thing Ranjesh

>>31666216
Your reputation matters but the effect of your reputation on the girl depends entirely on how she perceives the information shared.
You'd be surprised how many fuckboy get free advertising from girls telling their friends to stay away from him a guy because he's a total self centered asshole who'll fuck anything. So e women are disgusted. Some hear "Guaranteed Dick".

Different women want different things but they all toe the company line when in a group because the nail that stands out gets hammered down.
Alone, she thinks what she thinks. Good or bad.

>>31651579
>Wingman.live: https://wingman.live/ (AI dating coach for men trained on /htgwg/-approved material)
Does this actually work? Or is it a glorified chatgpt wrapper?

>>31666216
It can matter

I met my girlfriend at work.
Before we actually met she took an entry level class with a few of my apprentices and a lot of them talked about how successful I was and how I kept my shit on point really tight.
She later admitted to finding this really attractive.

I've been going out with a girl for a month but I don't feel like I have strong feelings for her. Yeah I enjoy hanging with her and having sex but I feel like I still wanna date other girls too. Is that normal? It's not like I don't like her, I just don't feel like I'm falling in love

>>31668766
Good bait.

>>31668791
sorry I forgot to mention she's basically my first actual gf, I haven't had much experience before this, but I was expecting stronger feelings to develop. But I just feel she's more like a friend than a romantic partner

>>31651579
After finally getting off my ass and creating a dating account I realize I need a few pictures of myself to upload...
Except I never take pictures of myself
Any ideas for what I can do?

>>31665230
>Meet QT at park early last month, 19
>Could instantly tell she was into me
Can you go into detail here, too many times I'll think a girl I've exchanged eye contact with is into me and I do nothing

>>31665836
>(for reference I'm 32 but look mid 20s, have been mistaken for mid 20s even by teenagers)

Felt and same. I'm 31, and get called 20~24 all the time, blessing and a curse.

>>31665836
I've had it worse a couple times.

>"I'm 17"
But was this her response or a fact that emerged as you two talked?
If it's the latter, that sucks but no harm no foul. Shrug and move on. If you weren't inappropriate there's no shame there.

If a girl responds to being asked out with stating a fact like her age or relationship status, it's a strong sign she wasn't flirting or expecting you to ask her out. Cashiers, waitresses, and such are difficult to read or determine if they're comfortable with you or just providing good customer service.
I personally waited for an excessively positive response, like taking extra time to initiate chatting, before asking her out.
But like you said, the worst she can say is no. If you can shrug off a rejection like nothing happened, go for it.

So shrug this off like nothing happened. Because nothing happened.

>>31668876
>Felt and same. I'm 31, and get called 20~24 all the time, blessing and a curse.
Yup.
I've been told that I don't look like a 45 year old man but look and move like a 27 year old lesbian. I'll take it.

>>31667109
>Every time i talk to them, they just get bored of me by my 3rd msg
Give examples.

>gf says she likes skinny guys
>start working out and getting bulky
>she's feeling up my arms and shoulders now all the time
>Says she prefers lean to bulky
How long until she leaves me for brad pitt in fight club?

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I matched with a girl on an app. I said she looked like my type and asked what her idea of a perfect date would be. She said she prefers drinks for first date. Gave her my number on the app she texted me saying hi and she wanted me to have hers, that she’s going on a trip for a bit and when she’ll be back. I said no problem take your time and she hearted it.
Now the time where she said she should be back from her trip is now. Should I wait for her to text me back or do I ask her if she’s free this Friday and what her favorite bar is? What do? I’m thinking of just giving her another day to decompress and then just asking tomorrow. Wish me luck bros.

hey bros I wanna fuck my cooworker
shes smoking hot and invited me to drab a drink after work
shes a bit older than me (5 years) but who cares
do you guys think shes into me or shes just being friendly?
I joined the company not long ago...
maybe she does that to all new guys?
what should I do

>>31668940
>If a girl responds to being asked out with stating a fact like her age or relationship status, it's a strong sign she wasn't flirting or expecting you to ask her out
Yeah it was this
She responded pretty well to my compliments but yeah it was pretty one-sided
>I personally waited for an excessively positive response, like taking extra time to initiate chatting, before asking her out.
Usually I do wait for this but she was just so dang cute I wanted to shoot my shot

>>31665371
>what kind of fucking woman is going to go on a date or even give her number to a random who walks up to her at the store?
>>31666473
>Quite a few women actually.
This.

>>31666585
>what if i don't want to date, what if i just want sex
Then you're going to encounter mostly failure unless you specifically target women my more likely to be open to casual sex.
For example, you would have better luck cold approaching a woman smoking outside a bar than a woman buying diapers in a grocery store.

>inb4 "Where da thirsty thots be at?"
I don't know. I'm not in the market for one.
If I wanted a purely sexual relationship, I wouldn't cold approach. I would take the time to select and curate an online relationship through a kink website so that we'd be completely compatible, on the same page, and interested in the same things before we met.
I'm not just looking for an available hole to fill.

>>31668862
I was slowly cruising past on my skateboard and she caught my eye. Turns out I caught hers, too, and we locked eyes for a second. I look forward then back again at her and she's still kinda staring. I loop around the park path, dismount and walk up to her. She was instantly all smiles and eager to talk. Pretty sure it was just a fluke.
As a rule of thumb, if you two lock eyes more than once, you should talk to her. It's easier if you can compliment something about her then segue into a greeting.

>October 2022
>meet girl who randomly came into a social circle of Mine
>interested immidiately
>hit it off quite Well, talk for extend time
>get to know she is in a relationship with a Woman
>okay, still befriend her
>start going on walks together, meet at the Gym which we both Frequenz
>create Snapchat just For her, becomes main way of communication
>daily contact since around April 2023
>goes in for the rest of the year, only brief stint where we don't Go on basically daily walks while I take an EMT course from around September to December
>contact stays and in December we See each other nore again
>celebrate New Year's eve together with her and some Friends
>learn her relationship with that woman was very toxic and she isn't lesbian but rather bi
>at this point we spoke about pretty much anything, mutual trust
>talked about past Trauma, she had a rough childhood, both toxic relationships
>also talk a Lot about how we both aren't keen of classic dating or Dating apps
>rather Develop a relationship from a friendship
>bingo.jpg
>get to know her dad and step-mom
>intensify contact
>dance with her on a Party WE visit together
>her best friend gave me some advice on how to approach
>she takes notice and brushes off my attempts telling me not to read too much into our Situation
>devastated
>chat with her friend to get some tips and reassure myself I didn't get anything wrong
>she confirms she is interested
>bingo2.jpeg
>starts telling me more Things about her and gives me tips
>girl I am interested in notices WE hang Out, gets Jealous, they had a Little Fight going on at the time
>despite this, Plan Birthday Party For her, huge success, she loves it
>Bit later, we Talk about our Feelings, she confirms it's Mutual
>start "Dating", some Classic Dates, sometimes Just chilling together cuddling, watching movies, kiss For the First time
>right around that time she learns shes been accepted at a new Job which requires her to move away For 6 months while in Training
cont.

>>31669542
cont.
>around that time as Well, moves Out of my town, wanted to move Out of her dads because of her step-mom
>didn't find a flat in my town, hastily accepts old flat of a co-worker about 20 minutes away because it was available and cheap enough
>relationship and Dating Start to cool Off, we both work in a shift-system, difficult to find time but we still try
>Fight about how she Sometimes doesn't feel ready For a relationship once, I am overthinkink a Lot as Well because past Trauma and untreated ADHD
>reconcile and try again
>about a month ago she calls it off, Claims Not ready For a relationship, wants to Focus on Work
>decide and try to stay Friends because we value each other
>brings me to a breaking point and I Limit contact
>she contacts me from time to time, I can't let Go of her because feel Like she wasn't honest

How do I save this?

>>31669539
>if you two lock eyes more than once, you should talk to her
I figured, locked eyes with this bartender at a place I was at like 5 times, but I can't tell if it's me or she's just doing her job being a bartender. I didn't get anything so it could easily also be a "is this guy gonna get anything?"

What is the minimum photo-feeler score for dating apps to be even worth trying for an early 20s dude?

>>31669073
who cares, stop worrying so much

this is genuinely not a shit post, more so me being insecure

if a girl talks about you to her friends and co workers, and wants you to meet her parents, and calls her mom from your phone and puts you on speaker and her mom makes jokes about how she talks about you all the time, and mentions her brothers boyfriend asks a 2000 questions about you, and she invites them to an gig you're playing, and tells you she loves you,
would you ever feel insecure or like you might still be slighted or there might be shit going on behind the scenes? or would it seem like everything was too good to assume anything sketchy??

>go to beer store for first time in a while (trying to severely limit drinking and cut beer out entirely but was celebrating a big W at work with a tallboy of something fancy)
>new girl working there, cute Asian probably early 20s
>chat a bit while owner is there, nothing too personal, but mentioned that
>go there again today for another fancy tallboy, mostly to see if I can catch her again
>she's working
>remembers my name
>remembers I'm cutting back drinking when I mention it again
>mentioned I used to have a beer gut, she says "you look pretty good to me"
>see she has cross earrings
>ask if it's a Death Note reference
>She says no but knows about death note, turns out she's a weeb
>YES
>ask her for her number so we can talk about manga and anime without holding up the line
>gives me her #, I text her my name so she has my #
>still responds to it even though I have her #, her name with a smiley face next to it

So I've got a live one, right? It's definitely on, and not just being courteous, right? Gonna try to see if I can arrange a shopping trip for manga her next day off.

>>31670487
*but mentioned that I don't usually come there anymore due to cutting back drinking

>>31669649
If she's at work, chances are it's nothing. You can still go for it though, unironically the worst she can say is no. I've done this at the coffee shop I frequent; I flirted a bit then asked the cute new girl with tattoos and a pixie cut for her number but she was taken. We both laughed it off with no awkward feelings after.

>>31670487
i can tell these stories are bullshit ai generated by how long they are

you are not a real man

>>31671189
Hey schooler hope you're having a good monday, first day of the school week after all!

>>31671231
been busy making friends with a store/branch manager and hopefully her coworker too

halloween is going to be fun stuff here, apparently the latex halloween makeup might be a good option, I will have to see what else is available

>>31669073
>hmm an attractive woman invited me out to get drinks
>I'd better go post on 4chan about it
some of you niggas really are hopeless man

If you get a number from a cold approach/nearly cold approach (i.e. you met up that day and talked for like 15 minutes, or you met them twice for 5 minute intervals), should you launch into arranging a meetup right away, or is it ok to spend a few texts trying to feel the girl out and swinging the conversation to a meetup IRL?
I'm not talking about having long text conversations over weeks, I'm talking about maybe a dozen or so texts about mutual interests before suggesting a date. I get ghosted after like, one or two exchanges of texts, genuinely no idea what I'm doing wrong or if they're just not into me and I need to keep trying other girls

>>31651579
Can someone clear this up?
If I'm to follow any advice online, you're supposed to be empathetic and a good listener so people will like you and it makes sense, but how do the sociopaths and psychos get laid so much apparently if their hallmark is lack of empathy and disingenuousness, both being opposite of what's supposed to be attractive?
And one more thing, how and when do I start flirting with women I've just met? I know how to do it when she's already doing it but I have no good openings to initiate.
And yeah I know I need to look good first, that's a no brainer

once you have

>attraction
>conversation going

how do you get the phone number?

>>31672239
You...and try to follow me here...ask for it

In all seriousness, only women super attracted to you will volunteer their phone numbers to you. For most dudes, it's better to ask for the number, get it, and let the ensuring text conversation and date scheduling attempts actually be the filter for attraction. A lot of girls will just give you their # and then ghost/block you later

>>31672022
>you're supposed to be empathetic and a good listener so people will like you and it makes sense, but how do the sociopaths and psychos get laid so much apparently if their hallmark is lack of empathy and disingenuousness
Being empathetic means understanding how the feel and can help you understand what they want. Being a good listener can also help with understanding these things, plus people love to talk about themselves. Sociopaths know this. They are able to understand what people want, and are able to use that to motivate people to do what they want. If someone wants a person who is strong, and rich. Sociopaths will lie and make it appear they are able to provide that.

>>31661428
Reduce the problem by one, attentianon

I think this thread here >>31671896 is a relevant addition

I’m about to go on a date. Met this girl online meeting at a place for drinks. Any advice? Last dates I hated

>>31668948
I'll translate the whole thing in english
>her "hi"
>me "hey! are you new in this app?. Nice to meet you!"
>her "no"
>me "Im new here"
>her "ok, start telling me some stories"
>me "what kind of stories do you want?"
2 days and she hasn't replied. What went wrong?

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How do I make female friends?

I don't really want to go full-bore into relationships, but I do want to have a female friend after a life of only being around men and masculine women.

I don't have a smartphone, social media, or much IRL presence. I also do not have a job so I can't afford to do anything too spectacular. I'm reasonably attractive and young.

>>31651579
dated this girl for a while, ended up confessing to her and she didn't really say anything. we got talking again and I tried to keep it platonic but i just really liked her at the time and thought she was giving me mixed feelings. I confronted her again and she told she liked what we had dated but she preferred me as a friend now and i told her i needed space just to clear my mind and we went no contact on good terms. after a few weeks when i was in her city a mutual friend called me late at night and handed the phone to her and then she asked what i was upto but i was seeing another girl then and just didn't engage with the conversation and she sounded very let down and the next day hit me up asking if i went back to my city and the contact ended there. what the fuck was that about? was i really just an option? now i am just talking to different people and it dosent really feel the same at all. help me anons i dont want to be a shitty asshole person

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Girl hugged me around neck and nestled in good. She kinda dragged my head down to her level. Squeezed me pretty hard it was uncomfortable on my Adam's apple. I'm about 7 inches taller. What does this mean bros?

>>31672931
are you in any education?
join something like a book club or a choir
you will need social media, instagram is enough, although maybe snapchat or tiktok depending on your age

>>31672779
3rd message should have been a story, or say wanna hear a story about the first time i x or something like that

>>31672595
So basically anyone can do it since I don't see how only sociopaths can tell people what they want to hear? Am I reading this wrong? The only thing I see that can be a mental block to us normies is feeling too much guilt for lying to the girl but then again it's not a big deal if the lies are minor.
Tell me more about this kind of game

>>31672595
> They are able to understand what people want, and are able to use that to motivate people to do what they want. If someone wants a person who is strong, and rich. Sociopaths will lie and make it appear they are able to provide that.
But you're not supposed to agreeable for women to fins you hot. Make it make sense, if you talked to some crazy feminist you wanted to fuck, you're supposed to agree with her insane views?

>>31672931
So you've got a flip phone and no means of regularly interacting with other people?
Do you have other friends?

Relationships, including friendships, are made through proximity and bonding through shared experiences. You need proximity to people and to share current or previous experiences with them. Then it's a matter of compatibility.

>>31672022
>If I'm to follow any advice online, you're supposed to be empathetic and a good listener so people will like you and it makes sense, but how do the sociopaths and psychos get laid so much apparently if their hallmark is lack of empathy and disingenuousness, both being opposite of what's supposed to be attractive?
Like anon said: mimicry
Pic related.

>>31673441
>So basically anyone can do it since I don't see how only sociopaths can tell people what they want to hear? Am I reading this wrong?
If you want people to see you as a kind, empathetic, and a good listener, you have to act that way. So yes, anyone can become skilled at behaving that way.
The question becomes why you would act kind, empathetic, and like a good listener but only be lying if you're not a sociopath. It's not like sociopaths don't work at it.
Pretending to be a good listener isn't that much easier than being a good listener. It's just that sociopaths literally can't care. So they pretend to care.
Whereas you can care but are planning to pretend to not care to pretend to be caring. This is why "fake it till you make it" is popular.

>The only thing I see that can be a mental block to us normies is feeling too much guilt for lying to the girl but then again it's not a big deal if the lies are minor.
There are always unforeseen consequences to lying and you don't get to decide what lies other people feel are minor.

>And one more thing, how and when do I start flirting with women I've just met? I know how to do it
Flirting likely includes a lot more than you suspect. I flirted constantly for months and had no idea.
It can be literally just playfully talking to someone you are attracted to.
I start flirting immediately and cool off of they're unresponsive. Usually they're in a relationship then.
Alternatively, start flirting as soon as she's comfortable with you.

How are you defining "flirting"?

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>>31674326
>Pic related

>>31673483
>But you're not supposed to agreeable for women to fins you hot.
Esl aside, being too agreeable and a pushover or fawning over her just for showing up can put women off. There's a balance and every woman has her own tastes. There's no "universally perfect" amount of agreeableness.

>Make it make sense, if you talked to some crazy feminist you wanted to fuck, you're supposed to agree with her insane views?
If you want to stick your dick in someone you think is crazy, you have to get her to like you. I can only imagine that will require deception because I already don't like you.

I honestly don't know what this girl thinks of me. I think there is a 99.99% chance she doesn't like me but I'm caught in this endless loop of what if. Can you guys help me put this to rest?
>work with this girl
>take a liking to her so I ask her out
>she says yes
>nervous so I forgot to set up a day
>try to set up a day to go out with her the next day
>says she is busy and will let me know
>I gave her my phone number
>it has been months and no text or any acknowledgement of what happened
>OK, whatever
>decide to ignore her and avoid her so I don't make her uncomfortable by being the creepy guy at work
>she still is polite with me when we're forced to communicate and so am I
>she is hyper aware of my presence and moves out of my way without looking at me
>looks at me like she is afraid or creeped out (can't tell)
If she did like me, she definitely would've texted me or said something by now. Right?

>>31670002
Always be suspicious of love bombing. It's always hiding something.

>>31674364
>>she says yes
>>nervous so I forgot to set up a day
>>try to set up a day to go out with her the next day
>>says she is busy and will let me know
She likely was either interested and took your lack of follow through to mean that you weren't interested in her enough to really *want* to follow up.
Exactly how anons here will tell themselves "if a girl *really* was interested in me, she'd give me a clear signal...", Women can think things like "if he *really* thought I was attractive, he'd ask again despite me saying I'd call him!"
OR
She wasn't interested and just didn't want to reject you to your face. Rejecting people is HARD. I've had to do it three times and all three times I just avoided it and them until they were out of touch. Third time barely counts.

I've seen this both ways and it's impossible to know know.

>>it has been months and no text or any acknowledgement of what happened
So that's over.

>>decide to ignore her and avoid her so I don't make her uncomfortable by being the creepy guy at work
This was the right idea but the wrong way to do it. I asked a girl out at work, she said no, I shrugged it off, and the next day she went from being warm, close, and friendly to being cold and closed off.
I responded as if she wasn't. I acted exactly the same as if nothing happened and as if she was acting normally. A few weeks later she started responding to me like she always had.

The girl at your work ghosted you. At best, she feels awkward, embarrassed, and guilty. At worst, she's thinking that you're ignoring and avoiding her because you hate her and you're going to act on that hatred.

Treat her like any other coworker, like nothing happened. Because nothing did.
I seriously responded to cold, clipped one syllable replies as if she were being normal and it worked out.
Just fly casually.

>>31670002
>"I keep waiting for something to happen and I have to remind myself when it doesn't happen - that that's normal."

>"Post-traumatic shock syndrome. It's hard to tell without examining him - but from this little snippet of tape, I'm most concerned about his constantly waiting for something to happen. This suggests he's been under enormous and continuous stress."

You're insecure and it's going to be a while before you work through it.

>>31674534
Also, I asked her out in the winter so I never knew how big her tits are until now. She has fucking massive tits and it isn't fair. Like what the fuck. Anyway, thanks for the input. I do treat her nice still. I act like nothing happened but I still avoid her if possible

>>31674326
So does mimicry work? I don't want to be a piece of shit and constantly lie (maybe by omission) but I think it could be useful to steal some tricks from sociopaths in order to get more success.
Yeah if I figure the girl I'm trying to get into bed is nice and relationship material I'd avoid fucking with her emotions
What kind of vibe is universally attractive to them, would it make sense to change the vibe depending on which woman in spending time with?

Is the key to ask as many girls out as possible until some say yes?