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Janitorial Edition

Previous thread: >>41171940

Fauster's Story Archive: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1XiJRe1NWl_kIoWsHssZ27BMV7bZAe1jgX59-dWggYkA/
Uh-hmmm's Prompt Archives:
https://ponepaste.org/1046
Have a broken Pastebin link? Replace pastebin.com with poneb.in

Remember:
not to save anything of value on Pastebin
ignore all attempts at early new threads
ignore new threads by the cheerimac poster
keep your thick, colty mare (or mares) perpetually pregnant and give 'em the licc
>>
amre
>>
Spanking a mare and have her eyes turn into hearts
>>
It's not Rape when a colt does it
Go get that big mare Anon
>>
rip this thread
>>
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>Twilight shows you what she'd do to your balls if you let her
>>
>>41220453
No shit, idiot. RGRE's been dead for years. Did you only just start paying attention, newfag?
>>
>>41220817
/MLP/ is slowly dying as we go. It's only natural.
>>41220760
. . . This looks like it would mostly just hurt.
>>
>>41220856
come on bro, just let her box your ballbag a bit with her face
>>
>>
>>41220856
A mare is never dead, so long as her name is still spoken.
>>
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>>41221130
>Last Unicorn
Turns out it was just the one unicorn with a dirty beard and a hunger for virgin girls. Princess Celestia would appreciate it if humans stopped judging her entire species based on one exile.
>>
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Twilight once again proving mares can't cook but you'll eat that cake as hard as you eat her pussy anyway
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>>41221891
>mares can't cook
But it produces some entertaining results.
>>
If you had to perform a human work in Equestria, would you adapt it's gender roles to RGRE, or keep them as they are on Earth and provide an explanation?
>>
>>41222364
Well if the goal is to make ponies go 'woah!' (which it always is) at our super special human media (superior in every way to pony media by merit of being human, obviously) then keep it as it is.
>>
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>Princess Celestia wasn't prepared for the 'muh human stamina' meme
>Anon wasn't prepared for the 'muh horse pussy' meme
>Sun horse had to take 5 after her hips started to hurt from bouncing on top of him without him finishing
>Green man had to secretly drink lots of water between sessions to keep up with how thirsty her insides were during orgasms
>Neither wants to admit they are tired in fear of disappointing the other
>>
>>41222480
That wasn't my intent, rather I was wanting to see pony perspectives on human media. Like, this piece I read, about an explorer telling Sheakspeare to African tribals. https://www.naturalhistorymag.com/picks-from-the-past/12476/shakespeare-in-the-bush

They interpret it through their own lens. The intersection of human experience and pony is very interesting to me.
>>
>>41221891
Lies and slander. Cooking has been historically a mare's job. All the top notch chefs and bakers? Mares (except some incredible stallion chefs, but they're the minority). Glided Ram-onions? A mare. Bauble Flavor? A mare. Jammed Olives? A mare.
The exceptional stallion chefs all come from prance, you don't mess with the prance chefs, they'll make you a 5 star dish with garbage ingredients just to mock you.
>>
>ywn be surprised kiss by a mare.
>>
>>41223051
>ywn genuinely enjoy it only to watch the mare be tried and chemically castrated for bewitching a stallion's mind
why even
>>
>"Daaaaaarling."
>Rarity had attempted to contain herself, but the word she uttered sounded crude to her ears. Husky, drawn out, filled with honest desire for the unsavory. It was a tone one should not use, but here she was, in front of a stallion no less.
>She sauntered into the room as if she owned it. She did not. This was not her home. The stallion in question had no guardian watching him and protecting his well-being. They were alone.
>He was alone. Undefended and just ripe for plunder.
>Anonymous. The alien stallion. Called a human.
>He was admittedly large, and strange. There was no delicate nature in him as was so common in stallions. He would face aggressive with aggressive of his own, he'd laugh at lewd jokes, dirt and filth held no terrors for him. If not for his obviously masculine features, his full jaw, board frame, his... scent, one have been excused in thinking he was a mare.
>Anonymous was just so different from a normal colt. His culture, his mind, the way that he carried himself. He had no knowledge of Equestrian faux pas and taboos; of what a stallion should and should not do. This meant that some degenerate mare could very well trot in and take advantage of the situation.
>That wouldn't be her of course. She'd never do anything so untoward.
>Anon, sitting on his couch, perked up as she made her way over to him. He smiled, making room for her. It was hard not to rush forward, but Rarity was able to rein herself in. There was something about inflaming the moment that made it just that little bit better when she let herself go just a little.
>Her movements were slow and purposeful. She made sure to put a sway in her hips, her head held high. She stopped just a few feet from him. Slowly, she lifted a foreleg, staring at him with a raised eyebrow.
>His smile made her heart skip a beat. Him getting off his own couch and kneeling in front of her made her stomach twist. He reached down, grabbing her hoof. Without a moment's hesitation, he brought it to his lips.
>A shiver ran up Rarity's spine. Truly it was an arrogant mare to make a poor, defenseless stallion kiss her hoof as if she were an alicorn. How demeaning such a thing was; to flaunt such power of the lesser sex!
>With a normal stallion, she could be very well ruined. At the very least his sisters would have attempted to assault her, and rightfully so.
>But Anon?
>Anon didn't know any better. He saw nothing demeaning about it. In fact, he seemed glad to do it. Innocent. Unsuspecting. Trusting.
>Rarity let out a shaky breath, her eyes slipping shut. Feeling those lips against her hoof yet again made her flick her tail and stomp her back leg. She counted backwards from ten in her mind, and through a herculean effort was able to pull herself back to sanity.
>>
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>>41223229
>She smiled at him. He smiled back. He looked so happy to see her. All of her friends made sure to keep an eye out for the alien colt, but she knew he enjoyed her the most, though he never said it.
>Rarity stepped forward, and without a second thought buried her muzzle into the nape of his neck. His scent hit her lips a bolt of lightning, strong and alien but or so masculine. Despite herself, her hips jerked, and she had to forcibly clamp her tail down.
>Leaning back, she tilted her head down, pressing the tip of her horn against his throat. It was another taboo; a pre-unification show of ownership. This would horrify a stallion beyond words. Anon just chuckled before she pressed her snout into his collarbone and inhaled deeply. She could feel his hands on her back, fingertips running through her fur.
>His scent, and the stimulation quickly began to drive her up the wall. She let out a knicker--terribly unladylike--reaching up and grabbing the back of his head. Her lips were drawn back into an animalistic snarl and she buried his face into her furry chest.
>Scent marking. Something only done to someone you had married, and even then such a thing had gone out of fashion decades ago. Stallions insisted it claimed ownership of their bodies.
>She could hear Anon taking a deep breath. Her heartbeat was pounding in her ears now. Her scent would be on him for days now, even if he showered. Everypony would know to stay away. That he was taken. That he was HERS.
>The thought came, as it always did when she came to Anon's house and used him like this. Why not let go? Stop the playing and the teasing and levitate him to his bedroom and just RUIN him.
>She knew she could do it. She knew she could leave him in such a state that no female, no matter the species would ever satisfy him again. After she were done with him a simple smile would leave him hard and wanting.
>Rarity savored the though, and far more devious ones besides as she held Anon against her. The unicorn pressed her muzzle into the top of his head, nuzzling him aggressively.
>Not today, she decided. It would be someday, but not today.
>As lovely as the idea was, she wasn't going to defile a stallion. Well, anymore than she already had. She might have been a degenerate, but the very least she could do was make an honest stallion out of him
>A mare needed to provide the proper ring for marriage at the very least. She had looked for months and hadn't found any worth of the human, so she had decided to make one herself. Ringcraft was similar enough to dressing making; a month more of practice and she'd be able to create something absolutely breathtaking.
>She felt those hands slide down her sides, those fingers lightly brushing against her plump backside. It made her smile.
>Just a few weeks more.
>>
I ask you this, RGRE. What is the color of a hug? A cuddle? Even, dare I say, a snuggle?
>>41223233
I wonder what ponies consider valuable enough to put in rings? Gemstones are common enough you can just crack open a rock or dig in some random field and you're bound to find a few dozen.
>>
>>41223233
Rarity involuntarily making horsey noises when aroused is muh fetish
>>
>>41223708
A hug is the color of a foal's love. A cuddle is the color of a pure heart. A snuggle is the color of sexo.
>Rings
NTA but I think ponies would prize objects that either put the giver at the receiver's mercy, or have a deep personal meaning be it symbolic or literal. More materialistic ponies might place value on the price tag of the craftsmanship, but even they would provide something of personal value to go in it.
Lesser wives wear a small nose or earring, with a single gem each from their husband, alpha mare and their previous family. Lately, with the advent of "health" and "safety" regulations, those in more industrial fields tend to have a series of ear studs instead.
The stallion and the alpha mare also follow this tradition, either with just two gems or a larger centerpiece from an important date. The other wives' gems go onto a torc or circlet, which is treated as semi-formalwear and expected to be worn openly at weddings, funerals, and while in any polite company during a holiday.

>Earth:
They value selfmade objects and family history. Jewelry would be relatively plain and crude. In all but the most fancy-pants and wealthy herds, the only gems will be small, crude, and magically produced from the ashes of something important to the families (apple seeds, a twig from the tree you met under, the handle of an axe that's served well past repair, etc). Full jewelry is often incorporated into hatbands, baldrics or belts rather than simple neckwear.
Given their huge family sizes, there's often Game of Pones level maneuvering over who gets to inherit maw and paw's center-gems. Torcs/circlets are buried with the deceased or donated to their preferred church/temple/orphanage, otherwise there'd be Hooffield/McColt level feuds everywhere all the time.
The rules on whether you should commission it or make it yourself vary from place to place, but usually you're just a little bit of a weenie if you're not even strong enough to gemify your own ashes. As for the ringcrafting, larger families can often call upon relatives with experience, especially rock farmers who have a well-earned reputation for being tinkers and jewelers on the side.

>Pegasi:
Basic bitch, acceptable-but-not-breathtaking gems would be made from one's own pinion feathers, either burnt and pressurized or shaped and petrified. Other common devotionals include a cool rock taken from where you first learned to fly, or the patch of grass the weather captain threw you into when you first pissed her off.
Given Pegasi form the backbone of Equestria's search and rescue, weather, and rapid response defense services, a sadly common practice is for mares to bequeath pieces of their bones for gemcrafting, in the event of their early death.
All of the aforementioned services provide this through their insurance package, and private employers in similar fields tend to do the same.
>>
>>41223955
>A cuddle is the color of a pure heart.
Pink then, I suppose.
>>
>>41223708
>>41223955
>Unicorns
Depends heavily on the social status of the betrothed, and whether the incoming mare is considered the alpha/matriarch or just a new member of the herd.
Most often, a mare's baby toys are preserved, and the newlyweds make a ritual of burning away their youth to build their lives together. Due to this, the gemcrafting is typically treated as a wedding rehearsal, and a friend or direct relative not being invited to watch is a grave insult.
Wedding venues in primarily-Unicorn towns will have a specialized furnace and press, and the officiator is trained in how to help the couple operate the press. The act of commingling your telekinetic fields is as crucial to the wedding procedures as the dance or the cake; two unicorns outsourcing the entire process is a sure sign of a political, trophy, or just plain doomed marriage.
>>
Reminder that in Equestria not only will you have to deal with sexism, but you'd also be forced into a vegetarian diet in pony society as well. This is why it's paramount to get yourself a dragon waifu, being the apex predator she is she'd have no issue providing you a healthy diet of meat. Not only that, but you'd also be treated as an equal in dragon society, provided you show yourself capable of pulling your own weight when the time calls for it.
>>
How many mares that support stallionism just do it because they have sexual fantasies of being dominated by a male.

Like does twilight want to empower males because she believes in their cause or because she wants Anon to grab her by the horn and fuck her holding her down as her wings flap helplessly,

Is it a mix of both, how many stallions know this.
>>
>>41224277
>woah
>>
>>41224235
>Ponies are vegetarian
Cope. Fluttershy has no problem feeding fish to otters. Ponies have no problem raising chickens for eggs. Ponies have no problem keeping cows as second class citizens for their milk. Therefore, ponies generally see no moral fault in exploiting lesser species for nutrition.
>Dragons eat mmmmmeat!
Also cope. Judging purely by what we see onscreen, dragons eat gems. Just gems. Spike ate those worm-filled muffins once, due to being desperate for dragon nutrition after a lifetime of hayburgers.

>>41224277
You're overcomplicating it. If a mare is at a rally looking for sex, she's there hoping to score on white knight points. Think of real life, how many male feminists do you think explicitly want to be dominated (and don't just try to get in with a BDSM club) vs how many just think they have a better chance of scoring if they claim to be an ally and spout a few slogans?
>>
>>41224319
Fluttershy is alone nigger Anon, and if memory severs right in later seasons she pulls 180 and refuses to feed her carnivorous pet's fish. Yes, ponies raise chickens for there eggs in order to cook their pastries along with milk, although this doesn't mean they cannibalize cows for meat. I'll also add the writers even specified that ponies also raised pigs to sniff out truffles and not for their meat.
Spike was raised in a pony society separate from other dragons, and as such would be fed on a diet based on what ponies know of what dragons can eat, separate from meat that is. So if anyones coping here it's you Anon.
>>
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I may not be like the drawfags of threads gone by, able to churn out masterpieces in 3 hours, but it has been 9 years since her name was uttered for the first time and I am no longer content with not having a face to put it to.
Originally I was going to make her mane long and flowy like the ponicemare oc that usually gets posted when talking about Cuddle Wings, but either BNW or APA mentioned Canterlot's culture was stuck in the Victorian era in Cuddle Wings' timeline, so I attempted a vaguely Victorian-styled mane instead. Attempt being the keyword here.
>>
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>>41224425
>>
>>41224235
Just go live in the forrest and get the meat yourself. You could capture that hydra and get unlimited meat.
>>
>>41224425
>ponice chief Cuddle Wings, embarased by her departments failure as Jane the Cuddler strikes again!

>hide yo keeds, hide yo waifu, they cuddling ereybody
>>
>>41224235
You mean griffons
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>>41224653
Did I stutter?
>>
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>>41224235
Cute pic.
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>>41224235
>>41224894
I would definitely go for dragonnesses. Pones are cute and all, but I do love me some dragonesses.
>>
How do I explain to my herd that I'm a stone cold truecel and can't have sex because I'm too blackpilled to looksmaxx?
>>
>>41224235
I got curious and looked up what you can replace meat proteins with and it's stuff a pony in Equestria would eat. Eggs, dairy, quinoa, and onions
>>
>>41225082
Would dragons see non-dragon mates as part of their horde and become fiercely protective of them?
Would dragons swoop potential mates (similar to pegasi) or do they have a different courting ritual?
What would female dragons expect from their mates? For example: Cooking, cleaning the home and the horde (including themselves), breeding the dragon whenever possible, taking care of the eggs and kids (maybe they age fast), and stuff like that.

Overall we just need more world building and lore about dragons.
>Also something something smolder best girl, would cuddle with.
>>
>>41224235
>you'd also be treated as an equal
No deal, also off-topic.
Off to >>>/trash/ , you cloaca-worshipping hmofag.
>>
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>>41225191
>get swooped by a dragon
>actually get carried off
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>>41225143
There are essential acids you CANNOT get from a purely vegetarian diet.
>>
>>41225267
>guys come by asking you to come to a boys night out
>shopping
"Sorry bros, my girlfriend is picking me up."
>dragoness swoops from out of nowhere, grabs him and flies off
>>
>>41225301
Yell back to the dude that "Pulling out is for pansies!" as he gets dragged away.

If Shrek has taught me anything, it's that dragon can breed with anything.
>>
>>41225318
donkey was the big winner of that movie
>>
>>41225318
>>41225323
never pull out of a dragon girl
>>
>>41225323
I love that everyone agrees, donkey was the real winner.
>>
>>41225128
You don't. You have no choice but to receive the healing power of horsepussy.
>>
daily reminder that there are no human men on the horsenet
all men are actually mares
all foals are undercover horse!FBI agents
>>
>>41220396
Anyone remember a super wholesome fic told from Applebloom's perspective? She was developing feelings for Anon, and I specifically remember the last installment of it being set during a Nightmare Night party.
>>
>>41225458
Spaghetti and Fillies on Fimfiction?
>>
>>41225437
Of course not, they don't have magic. You have to find the monkeynet, it's a bunch of computers throwing lightning at each other and somehow that creates pornography and basketweaving forums. Wait why do we believe these things exist again?
>>
>>41224600
Not to fear, with every stallion cuddled in the night she draws ever closer to her dastardly quarry.
>>
>>41224425
>>41224426
>be the ponice
>be the crime
That's some next-level job security.
>>
>>41224559
>You could capture that hydra and get unlimited meat.
I suppose my writing style isn't that hard to pick up on from last thread, but even then if one did put in the effort to capture one. In which I don't believe is impossible the issue now becomes that of your reputation amongst the herbivorous ponies and how they view and judge you for your dietary habits.

>>41225197
Call it off topic all you want, but if you watch the show Anon you'd know dragon society is an autocracy (I believe that's the right term here) in where only the strongest and maybe the smartest have the right to rule regardless of gender. We see a bit of this when Spike first meets other dragons and Garble views Spike as weak for being raised in a pony society, only after Spike proves himself in some to their games/challenges does Garble and the other dragons open up to him. And in the Gauntlet of Fire all drgons competed for a chance to become the new Dragon Lord, although the Dragon Lord did try excluding these he saw as weak both genders sill participate in the event. So in conclusion as long you prove your strength and are competent in your abilities most dragon should atleast treat you with reapect.
>>
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>>41226003
I want to bridal carry and embarrass a stronk dragon girl.
>>
>>41225128

I feel like you'd get halfway into your explanation and then end up getting dragged to the ground and fucked stupid.
>>
>>41223233

Good stuff, LaP, even if Rara isn't my jam.
>>
>>41226003
>Dragons will treat me as equal once I prove my-
Don't flatter yourself, you cannot compete with other humans, let alone dragons. You have no competency nor abilities to speak of.
>I will live with Drago-
In dragonlands, a fucking desolate wasteland. Dragons canonically don't even have the most basic of amenities, so have fun with the designated shitting cave, having no access to soap, disinfectants and medical supplies, fucking up your back trying to sleep on your waifu's hoard (or, more likely, the cold cave floor), getting burns by just being remotely NEAR lava pools, trying to figure out which meat is edible and trying to cook it (or getting worms and runs trying to eat it raw).

That's some industrial-strength copium you're huffing right there, scaliefag.
Let me guess, your next cope is going to be that you'll go to Equestria as a dragon.
>>
>>41226217
It's a well-known fact a male's sanity will decline if his balls aren't drained regularly. They were merely preventing any permanent damage from being done.
>>
>>41226404
That explains post-nut clarity.
>>
>>41226390
> lava pools
I don't think those "lava pools" are actually lava. Lava is practically a solid so would be completly usuitable for using as a hot tub. Whatever the dragons like to bathe in, its not lava as we understand it.
>>
>>41224235
dragons eat gems, enjoy shitting rocks fag
I'm gonna get me a griffon wife
>>
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>>41226404
no wonder some anons go full mareschizo sometimes
>>
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>"Look around Anon"
>"Your friends are caged and hanging above my pit of lava"
>"The princesses bound by my anti-magic, leaving them nothing more than useless meat puppets."
>She looks down at you with satisfaction and trots towards you with sexual hunger
>"You'll never get away with this Queen Umbra! The Crystal Heart will be yours!", Twilight hollered from the rope holding her and her friends together
>The dark queen laughs
>You turn your head to the Mane Six, all of them giving you a look of sadness at their failure to protect the Crystal Empire and letting this go out of hand
>"Alright you made your point meanie! But leave Nonny outta this! He doesn't have any involvement in this! He's just a colt."
>"A fine colt at that."
>Her eyes lowered and rubs a hoof on to your legs
>Queen Umbra chuckles
>"How about this then. I'm willing to let these intruders go and send them on their merry way if you agree to let me take your hoof in marriage?"
>The Mane Six was shocked at her bargain and gestured to you to deny it
>Celestia and Luna agreed with them
>However Cadence seemed to be looking at Queen Umbra, as if scrutinizing her
>"Well what's it going to be colt?"
>>
>>41226853
>>The Crystal Heart will never be yours!"*
It's late
>>
>>41226853
"I will never cheat on Twilight! I love her!"
>Pull out .45
>Put a hole in Umbras skull

(Edgy, I know, but I'd never cuck my waifu.)
>>
>>41226853
Seems like Umbra doesn't know how to talk to colts and has instead done all of this to show how strong and capable she is to the alien colt she's got the hots for. I bet she'd be caught flat-hoofed if you tried asking her why or attempted to flirt back. Or she just keeps going due to massive self confidence. Either way, gives Candyass more time to figure out if she's genuine.
>>
>>41226853
>In RGRE villains steal rare and exotic males (as opposed to dragons stealing maidens/princesses)
Me likey
>>
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>>41226853
>"Sounds fair, alright, now let's consummate !"
>>
>>41226853
>all this because her cunt was feeling empty
She could've just asked.
>>
>>41226469
There are absolutely low viscosity lavas here on earth. It's carbon instead of silicon though, so it just looks like mud. Still hot enough to kill anyone who gets in it tho.

>>41226474
Objectively the safer, saber option. But I choose the path of risking oblivion.

I wonder how hard it would be to convince a dragon girl to move in or near Equestria, Griffins time, or seaquestria.

....
Actually, sea ponies. Good or nah?
>>
>>41226861
>Waited until everypony was tied up to use the instant win wand
>Being THIS whimsical
You just set stallionism back by 3 centuries, brosef.
>>
>>41227194
safer, saner* option
Griffinstone*
This is why I hate being a phone fag.

Well. Since I don't feel like shitting up the board for corrections alone.
>>41226853
Rather fun and exciting she's asking for full marriage instead of just a fuck. Pretty much any anon could stick his dick into some hot mare, no matter how crazy, at least once.
But a full legal marriage, now we've got some real skin in the game. Especially if the RGRE rules are especially harsh to males.
Moar papi. Moar.
>>
>>41226861
>Put a hole in Umbras skull
You remember too late that she's not actually a pony, but a crystal-based revenant.
She's delivering another villainous monologue with a hole in her face leaking purple smoke, before offing your friends.
Wut do?
>>
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>>41226853
>Start dancing
>Rapid cycle through all the fortnite dances I know
>Umbra is distracted for long enough for Twilight to think of a plan
>>
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>>41227232
use more gun
>>
>>41227232
Begin vibrating my penis at her resonance frequency, then give her the mushroom stamp and watch her instantly disintegrate. Before we can celebrate the victory, bee ponies that thought I was buzzing seductively at them carry me away. If questioned about it, they state matter-of-factly that they were out looking for a honey.
>>
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>>41226853
I already have a marefriend
>>
>>41228255
Do beeponies work like normal bees, with all the workers being sisters? If so, that's pretty hot.
>>
>>41228437
if Littlepip is your marefriend, why the fuck isn't she dropping a train car on Umbra?
>>
>>41226390
>You have no competency nor abilities to speak of.
I'm speaking in general terms that apply to all Anons, since everyone has at least some skills and abilities that make them useful to others and society, myself included. And in my personal defense working as a laborer most my life I could easily build my future house with my own two hands with the skills I have, but I digress. Now if I landed in Equestria tomorrow I'd know not all my skills or abilities would be transferable there, but that doesn't mean I still can't learn or that I'm not useful in other ways when it comes to proving myself and impressing a qt dragoness.
>dragonlands
We know from the show the dragonlands is where they gather from time to time, that doesn't mean they all live there Anon. We also know dragons live in the Everfree Forest and it's safe to assume all over Equestria as well so getting burned by lava seem like a non-issue for the most part.
>amenities and what not
Just because we haven't seen it doesn't mean they don't have any amenities to speak of Anon, and in the off chance you do get hurt I'm sure you'd get flown to the nearest horsepital or dragon equivalent there of. Now sleeping on your waifu's hoard doesn't sound like the best, you can cuddle your waifu to make it easier to sleep at night or better yet talk to her about getting proper bedding since dragons aren't beyond reason Anon. Although that said it might be difficult transitioning her to sleeping on one, pic releated.
>Eating raw meat
Now I ain't that stupid as to not properly cook my food and purposely give myself food poisoning, you'd have to be on a whole other level of stupid to do that. I know Equestria has a lot of magical creatures, but it shoudn't be that hard identifying whats poisonous and what is not and if I'm unsure it's not that hard to ask around about it.
>>
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>>41226889
>>41226928
>>41226940
>>41227209
Umbra having the competency of modern Darkseid, but have the motivation of Super Friends Darkseid. Think Bowser but as a hot evil mare is funny
>>41226861
>>41227232
>Bullet barely dents her forehead
>She smiles wide and licks her lips several times like a washing machine
>"I like it when they're feisty and in denial."|

>>41226853
Continuing
>You could only stare at the evil queen as she grows impatient
>"I said, what it's going to be-"
"I accept."
>"Very well, then let us see if you can handle- Wait pardon?"
"What?"
>"What?"
>"WHAT?!"
>Twilight screeched
>You clear your throat
"I said I accept your terms as long as you let them go."
>Queen Umbra blinked several times before shaking her head
>"YES!- I mean- Very well then. Follow me to your chambers as I prepare for the ceremony."
>You follow her out of the room, noticing a bit more pep in her step
>The remaining prisoners still in their bindings are silent
>Rainbow Dash was the first to speak up
>"Hey! What about freeing us?!"
>They could only stare at the door from where the two left
>"Great, forgot she was evil."
>"I'm not gonna let that ugly hag marry Anon!"
>Twilight suddenly shouted
>Her body glowed of pure magic and burst through the rope
>She then levitated herself and her friends out of the lava pit and into safe ground
>The princess of friendship's nostrils were flaring out like a bull
>"Saddle up girls! We got a wedding to crash."
>>
What would mares drink?

Someone headcanoned that Octavia has a thing for Jura Scotch, and that makes me want to introduce her to Laphroaig.
>>
>>41228794
I don't think ponies give as much of a shit about mare/dyke drinks as humans do man/gay drinks.
Mares drink what they want. Ponies need sugar. Except the Mojito. That's a gay drink in every universe.
>>
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>>41228662
Your dragon wife sleeps on the hoard, you sleep on top of your dragon wife.
>>
>>41229198
Sounds fair to me, but if my dragon wife wants to sleep on top of me we're moving it to the bedroom.
>>
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>>41229297
>dragon lingerie
wew
>>
>>41228662
>I'm speaking in general terms that apply to all Anons
Cope
>working as a laborer most my life
Double cope
>I could easily build my future house with my own two hands
Triple cope and delusional. You can't build shit without proper tools. But do go on, regale us with a tale how you'd build a simple log cabin only with your two hands. Let's assume a small forest materialized in dragonlands nearby.
>that doesn't mean they all live there
M-M-M-Monster cope, and backpedaling hard. Dragon society you mentioned exists in the dragonlands. Also dragons living in everfree (and on top of that one mountain) both live in fucking bare-ass caves.
>Just because we haven't seen it
MEGA COPE. Just because we haven't seen it doesn't mean that ponies don't eat meat.
>Now I ain't that stupid
Proofs?
>it shoudn't be that hard identifying whats poisonous and what is not
You ARE stupid, retarded even. There's no real way to tell what is dangerous or not without literal tribal knowledge or trial and error, see poison joke.
>ask around about it
Why you sure that the things that are safe for dragons are safe for you?
Scaliefags truly are the most retarded furries.
>>
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>>41229867
Show us on the doll where your waifu didn't touch you anon.
It's OK this is a safe space, we have emergency waifus to touch you on standby.
>>
>>41230095
Cloacafag shouldn't have went full "ponies le bad, dragons le master race".
Had he put in at least a tiny crumb of effort, he'd happen upon a very surface-level idea of dragoness having to look after her boisterous but rather fragile (by dragon standards) husbando. That would be RGRE, funny and naturally offer itself to many shenanigans as Anon tries to prove himself.
But no, he went "haha ponies say bye-bye meat therefore dragons best".
>>
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>>41223051
>tfw never ever
Life's not worth living.
>>
>>41223051
That happens literally every day of my life
>>
>>41223233
>Someone loves you enough to forge a custom ring when there are no rings in your size
Actually I wonder if males still just have a plain wedding band, or if Anon is likely to come across a male unicorn with a horn ring showing the gaudy gemstone-covered rose-gold ring off to his friends. But I doubt Rarity would let him get away with a plain band, even if that WAS tradition for males.
>>
>>41223868
God, I love it when ponies do horsey things subconsciously/unconsciously. Like, you hold out a piece of food for one of them to take, and they sniff it before they take it from you. Or if a mare can't rotate a few times and stomp down the cushion she's about to sit on, she gets grumpy and doesn't know why.
>>
>>41229867
Anon, just because YOU'RE an irredeemable piece of shit, that doesn't mean that everyone is.
>>
>>41230451
>Projection
>No arguments
I accept your concession.
>>
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I don't give a fuck about any of this autism, I just like dragons.
>>
>>41230618
If you don't give a fuck about RGRE, then why the fuck are you in the RGRE thread?
Go back to your dragonfucking thread.
If you want to post about the wonders of cloaca here, make it RGRE or fuck off. Also don't tell other anons that their choice of waifu is somehow bad if you don't want to get shat on.
>>
>>41230671
>fuck you
>no fuck you
>you're wrong
>no YOU'RE wrong
That autism, you fucking retard.
>>
This is why colts shouldn't be allowed to use the horsenet.
>>
>>41230696
Who asked?
Now post RGRE or gtfo, you worthless cloacanigger.
Verification not required.
>>
>>41230618
Do dragons have "gender roles"? They don't have much of a society.
>>
>>41230671
>>41230718
You sure get unreasonably angry and defensive over a zombie general on a dead board. Get a life.
>>
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>>41230721
Their gender roles are whoever can overpower the other is the leader. So if you get with a dragoness you're probably still going to be the precious damsel in need of protecting, unless you get with a particularly smol dragon girl.
>>
>>41230751
>Having a life
Where the fuck do you think you are?
Also keep seething lizzerfag, you can't even win your waifu's respect by your own rules.

>>41230761
>Their gender roles are whoever can overpower the other is the leader.
See? Not RGRE. Fuck outta here!
>>
>>41230776
(You)
>>
>>41230776
NTA but
>Dragons in the show have a different society from ponies
>Dragons in RGRE continuing to be different somehow makes it not RGRE
Fine, I'll add the RGRE: The ancient myth of dragons stealing princes is just that. Usually, the princes wanted to be kidnapped knowing dragons would take them more seriously. The princes never found out their dragon waifu took them as a backup option after failing to beat up any dragon males. Something something that's where Kirin come from.
>>
>>41228778
More
>>
>>41230816
>Dragons in RGRE continuing to be different somehow makes it not RGRE
What's the point in writing (focusing on) non-RGRE roles but calling it RGRE because maybe some mares are being sexist on the other side of a planet?
What you're suggesting is essentially RGRE male in non-RGRE dragonlands, which could be interesting but sure as fuck looks like 'pls consider this relevant and write greens about this' to me. Note that scaliefag isn't in a real hurry to actually write any of his own greens for some reason.
RGRE is at its strongest when RGRE is a societal norm, i.e. it permeates everything, from casually sexist mares to colts having rape-whistles, from males having trouble obtaining power-tools to herd-oriented dinner planning.
I outlined a possible spin here >>41230148 which uses RGRE society rather than trying to do "something something RGRE" bare minimum.
>>
>>41228778
More pls
>>
>>41224235
>Dry 'skin'
>No hair/mane/fur to run your fingers through
>No breasts or teats
>No vagina; just the same hole that urine and feces also go through
>Probably licks her own eyeball with her long tongue when she thinks you aren't looking
Gonna have to give that a nope, famalamadingdong. Sounds like something only a loser would like.
>>
>>41230878
>What's the point in focusing on non-RGRE?

So you can have Anon and his dragon waifu both confused about pony customs, but confused about different parts of pony customs.
>>
>>41224425
>fanart for the thread OC
You're doing god's work, Anon.
>>
>>41231122
>Dry 'skin'
Compared to? Are ponies actually moist and tacky? Have I been watching a show about some kind of slug-creatures all this time?
>>
Girls, please, you're both pretty.
>>
>>41231152
You know that's not true.
>>
>>41231125
Yeah that sounds like a cope of the highest caliber.
None of scaliefag's posts mentioned anything like that. He just wanted to be relevant (and get sweet sweet greens) without actually being relevant.
>>
>>41231161
you sound like a cunt trying to kill thread activity and discussion
>>
>>41229867
Look this is going to be my last post acknowledging you, but it's obvious just from reading your posts your clearly projecting your flaws on to me and others since you're ignoring or don't know that contributes to making a person valuable to others and to a society. And yes you can clearly tell which animals are poisonous just by looking at them, animals that are poisonous and by extension venomous for the most part have bright colorations on their body as a warning to other animal to not eat them. If anyone's coping here Anon it's you and if you don't like what's being posted, post the content you want to see and stop making shit up to bitch about stuff you don't like. Now whether you like it or not I'm going back to posting about qt dragonesses.

>>41230878
Dragons in RGRE don't have RGR
Yeah that's basically the point I was trying to get at, it's world building in the fact that all species/races in Equestria have the same degrees of RGR to not at all. To get down to the premise I was trying to get across is you'd have a culture clash of not just Anon but with the other races that exist in Equestria as well with their interactions with said ponies. In no way did I say Anon wouldn't interact with the ponies and their reversed gender roles society, just that a dragon waifu is better in terms of what she can provide for you, that is all.
>>
>>41230761
>unless you get with a particularly smol dragon girl.
You think Smolder would become a custom to her role in her relationship with Anon and forgo challenging her partner of leadership later on? More so if it doesn't benefit her as much as the role she is in now since her relationship is different enough from that of most dragon relationships, allowing Anon to be the leader especially when she gets older and stronger or would her dragon pride kick in and go through with it anyway?
>>
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Imagine the all the crimes you'd be able to get away with as the fairer sex. Not only would no one believe a colt/man could do such things, but if caught the worst you'd face is a slap and the wrists.
>>
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>>41231417
>every year attempts to usurp your role as protective caretaker and head of the relationship
>every year gets more and more difficult to defeat her as she gets bigger
>>
>>41231665
I shall be the Boopist of Canterhorn. All will fear me, yet none will have the teats to stop me.
>>
"You can't break a man the way you break a dog or a horse. The harder you beat a man, the taller he stands. To break a man's will, to break his spirit, you have to break his mind. Men have this idea that we can fight with dignity, that there is a proper way to kill someone. It's absurd. It's anaesthetic. We need it to endure the bloody horror of murder. You must destroy that idea. Show them what a messy, terrible thing it is to kill a man, and then show them that you relish in it. Shoot to wound, then execute the wounded. Burn them. Take them in close combat. Destroy their preconceptions of what a man is, and you become their personal monster. When they fear you, you become stronger, you become better. But let's never forget: It's a display. It's a posture, like a lion's roar or a gorilla thumping at his chest. If you lose yourself in the display, if you succumb to the horror, then you become the monster. You become reduced. Not more than a man, but less, and it can be fatal."
>"What the buck anon?! I just asked if you wanted to go get a hayburger" Twilight said as anon just continue to drink his coffee.
>>
>>41231289
>Look this is going to be my last post acknowledging you
Glad to see you're coming to terms with your own impotence. Funnily enough, you didn't even attempt to dispute any of my points, further cementing you as the weak-willed faggot that wouldn't actually win the respect of his waifu.
>bright colorations on their body as a warning to other animal to not eat them
Aposematism, but it only makes up a sub-set of things potentially dangerous to eat, retard. Try checking out a list of poisonous mushrooms.
Now consider that there are many more ways to fuck yourself up by just eating something with no danger signs, for example, you can eat too much liver and get hypervitaminosis A and fucking die.
>if you don't like what's being posted
Try being on topic rather than baiting for writefags to write shit you'd like to see?
>More cope
Bitch, nowhere have you mentioned the culture clash until you were called out on it. You just wanted a scalie creatura x anon fic with no RGRE strings attached.
>just that a dragon waifu is better in terms of what she can provide for you
Ah, the classic dragons-are-just-better cope.
Shouldn't you, by your own logic, prove yourself capable and provide for her? Why is your view purely transactional and based on how much of a provider your waifu is?

I could continue shitting on you, but I have something more constructive in mind. How about you put your money where your mouth is and write your scalie fantasies green yourself? The thread can then decide whether it is RGRE enough or not.
Put some skin in the game.
>>
>>41232363
you did it
you got the last post
>>
>>41232451
>>
>>41232363

Good job autist. You tell 'em!
But, you're expecting the scalie fag to be a worthwhile writer.
>>
>>41231158
Boys, Please, you're both rugged
>>
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oh my god shut the fuck up already, it's been an entire day and nobody but you cares. go start your own thread so that you can bitch at each other, you autistic fucking fags. Unironically fucking kill yourselves. Pic related, it's both of you. Dumb niggers.
>>
>>41233087
You know that's not true too. These boys are big and round and soft and possibly covered in their own feces.
>>
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>>41233178
And what the fuck have you contributed to the thread?
>>
>>41228778
>Be Anon
>Currently arms out stretched as the (evil) pony tailor is taking your measurements
"So Jeeves, is there anything else I need to do before the wedding?"
>The crystal pony snorted
>"Sire, if I may be permitted to speak so boldly,
you must keep still in order for me to get this right."
>You stiffened your limbs while rolling your eyes
>Who knew preparations could be so boring
>Might as well skip the ceremony
>Speaking of, what is your fiance doing right now?
>You're genuinely curious on what an evil queen like her is doing right now

>Let the world know that you are Queen Umbra
>And you are currently having a headache as you are surrounded by the Crystal Empire's worst traitors and turncoats
>"I say we go take position here, at the peak of Mt. Stratus! The height advantage will surely strike the heart!"
>"No no no! This beachside by Mane's Coast is vulnerable and isolated at this time! No one will be there interrupt her majesty's plan!"
>"Bah! As if that will be enough. What would really turn the tide will be-"
>"SILENCE!"
>All your top generals straightened up in fear as you walk on top of the table with strength and dignity
>"I expected more interesting ideas my ladies. But none of them aren't up to the task for my plans after the ceremony."
>One of your generals, Silver Dagger, tinted by her namesake spoke up nervously
>"B-But mistress! These hotspots are what's popular by Colt's Vogue-"
>You turned to her in anger and stomped your hoof to crack her side of the table
>"Popular?! I asked for Gravitas! Extraordinary! Something for me and him to remember as I conquer the world! Who cares of some dullard wrote what's best the honeymoon spots after weddings! If it isn't good enough for me then it's not good enough for Anon!"
>Out of breath and angry, you walked off the table and out of the room
>This needs to be perfect!
>After the weding, you two would go on honeymoon
>Enjoy each other's company, celebrate, maybe even terrorize a village or two for being an newly evil couple
>But for something as out of this world like Anonymous, then you need an equally out of this world plan!
>>
>>41232363
I, for one, support this Anon's desire for RGRE to be about RGRE
>>
>>41233266
This tbqh
>>
>>41233511
And how are you going to ascertain that those are my greens, exactly?
>>
>>41233522
I assumed you wouldn't lie, Anon.
>>
>>41233260
How come she doesn't just say 'Crystal' all the time like Sombra did? Horse ladies just be chatty, I guess.
I wonder what it sounds like when Umbra says crystal. I bet it's hot.
>>
>Umbra
>Like her brother, she is a unicorn of terrifying power
>She was one of Princess Luna's first students
>The two learned, and eventually mastered, many dark arts together
>For Luna, these acts turned her into Nightmare Moon
>For Umbra, they gave her a lust for blood and a dislike for sunlight
>The unicorn was there as a trusted general during the Celestial wars
>After Night's defeat, she fled to Hollow Shades with legions of Thestrals
>She ruled there, in her impregnable castle made of black stone, while her little brother attempted to take over the Crystal Empire by whoring himself to the local nobility there
>She was never driven out, never conquered by Celestia or her forces
>Many armies were sent
>All faced horrible luck and tragedies that would force them to flee
>Food rotting unnaturally quickly, sickness running through the camps, generals and ladies found dead in their beds drained completely of blood
>Umbra herself attempted to strike out at her foe as well, but the might of Equestria could not be overcome
>It settled into an uneasy stalemate between the two factions for centuries, which only ended once Luna returned
>Umbra had appeared at Castle Canterlot the day after with a pair of knights in blood red armor to once again swear loyalty to her
>It caused one hell of a fuss at court
>There were a lot of political monkey wrenches thrown into the machine that ran Equestria
>Even with the relative peace, Hollow Shades had an evil reputation
>As did their ruler
>Umbra the Blood Drinker
>Umbra the Impaler
>Umbra the Dark Sorceress
>There were many tales of her that parents told to their foals to scare them, and some were even true
>Celestia, exasperated sent you to the batlands
>For some fucking stupid reason
>She wanted you to do something, being extremely vague, just sort of saying not to "make things worse"
>You arrived at the Hollow Court
>Umbra had taken one look at you, teleported to your side, and bit down onto your arm, proceeding to try to drain you of your blood
>Without thinking, you proceeded to lift her up and bite her shoulder as hard as you could
>You didn't have fangs, but you bit down hard enough to break the skin
>The bite festered in two days, and nearly killed the crazy horse
>Human mouth bacteria was no joke
>Though dark magic, and unnatural constitution, Umbra eventually pulled through
>She warmed up to you noticeably as well, believing you were some warrior stallion
>Jokes on her, you were just autistic
>Now though, you found yourself a favored guest at her court
>In a castle full of ghosts, demons, undead abominations, and screeching bat ponies
>Honestly, you wished Celestia would have just told you what she wanted out of this
>Big-ass silly sun horse...
>>
>>41233916
>>She warmed up to you noticeably as well, believing you were some warrior stallion
>>Jokes on her, you were just autistic
Lold!
>>
>>41233522
Greens like veggies? Orphan filly steals a gentlestallions vegetables. That could make a nice story
>>
>>41233260
Umbra sure is something.
>>
>>41233916
>>Umbra had taken one look at you, teleported to your side, and bit down onto your arm, proceeding to try to drain you of your blood
>>Without thinking, you proceeded to lift her up and bite her shoulder as hard as you could
kek
>>
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>>41227838
AND IF WE RUN OUT OF GUNS
>>
>>41228255
>VICTOLY!
>You return home triumphant.
>Over the next few days everypony begins acting strangely.
>Getting more possessive and angry, they eventually corner you, purple smoke flowing out of their eyes.
>It seems they all were coated with Queen Unbra dust and have become possessed.
Now what?
>>
>>41233567
Umbra is on a different spectrum compared to her male counterpart
>>
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>>41234240
Use magic
>>
>>41233178
Yeah, but drama is entertaining. If it wasn't, the Jerry Springer show would never exist.
>>41233200
Oi. Do not throw stones in a glass house, timmy. Unless you're a writefag. If you're a writefag, throw a bigger stone. Your house is made of stones.
>>41233916
This has some fun promise. Wonder if there's gonna be any ill effects from being bitten by an immortal "definitely not a vampire" vampire pony.
>>
>>41234400
>>
>>41234497
>.gif
well I guess I'm in rgre because I get bricked up at danger anyway
>>
>>41234571
not even starswirl was immune
wizard power come at a heavy price it would seem
>>
>>41234574
Ever watched G1? The Moochick wasn't exactly all there, either.
Does having that much power make you a wackaloon, or does being a wackaloon allow you to get that kind of power?
>>
>>41234633
Both. You need to be at least a little crazy to take the kind of risks inherent to this path, but once you have the power it goes to your head.
>>
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>Why do most of the unicorns from Celestia's and Twilight's school socially inept? Especially when it comes to romance?
>May I introduce you to Cadence's school for gifted lovers!
>We have lessons pertaining on how too woo the opposite sex, cooking lessons to capture a mare's heart and stomach, fighting lessons to make those stallions swoon!
>Why am I in your bedroom at 3 in the morning? Good question
>I'd like to invite you because you've been alone these past few months and never even accepted a single mare's declaration of love for you!
>With my school's education, you'll be able to take the part of a lost alien colt who seeks to their special somepony to and crash into their legs while- hey hey HEY! Anon what are you doing?!
>No don't kick me out! Please don't slam the door-
>>
>>41234656
Shining Armor is impressed with Anon's wife throwing skills, but asks that he doesn't throw his wife. Go get your own.
>>
>>41234793
>Shining actually gets kind of jealous.
>You beat his record! With HIS wife!
>Sadly, the second he went to go complain...
>...Anon beat the record for Husband Throwing not soon after.
>>
>>41234826
>Twilight goes to confront Anon the next day, absolute miffed that the big ape would throw not only her BBBFF, but her sister in law too.
>Purple smart barges her way into Anon's door, and begins to lecture him how inappropriate that a stallion throw a mare that's not his own wife, and much WORSE that he also threw a stallion too.
>Anon gives her an annoyed look, but shrugs.
"You see Twilight, where I come from, there's this thing called dwarf tossing. And since ponies are just dwarf horses . . ."
>Twiggles seethes silently at being called a whorse, but lets him continue, gritting her teeth just a bit
"It falls under my own culture more than yours. Which is to say, I'm trying to get the record for dwarf tossin'. Thanks for volunteering."
>With speed and grace that a little pony would not quite expect to see out of a sitting ape, Anon quickly closes the distance between them, and in one smooth motion of turn picks her up, and yeets her out of his front door.
>Twilight finds herself in a crater, just a second later, between one slightly large crater, and one significantly larger. She frowns, she didn't even get first place in this nonsense.
>>
>>41234952
>flutter's distances after she tries guessing anon's fetish don't count as punting is completely different from throwing
>>
>>41234952
>Throwing TwiggyPiggy
Damn, Anon is Hercules
>>
>>41226390
>Trying to figure out which meat is edible and trying to cook it
To be fair, Cooking meat in a place that's mostly heat and fire is fairly easy, anon. Just get a nice big flat stone and place it near enough to one of your many available fire sources that you have access to.
>>
>>41234967
>Didn't figure out he wanted his throwing partner to dress like Evel Knievel
She was THIS close, y'all
>>
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>"Look girls be honest with me."
>Twilight addressed her friends
>"What do you think of the... new arrivals here?"
>Applejack is the first to speak
>"Can't say much other than they tend be slow on the thinkin' side."
>The princess gasped
>"Applejack! How could you! Intelligence or no that's no way to think of our species relative."
>Rainbow Dash cut in the conversation
>"But Twilight! Look at them! Their faces are weird and long and... weird."
>"Yeah? So is our good friend Anon and we treat him well."
>Dash rolled her eyes
>"Sure but he's a dude. I'd put up with anything as long as I get laid."
>"She's right Twilight."
>"Same here darling."
>"I mean I'd do anything if it means Anon gets to sit on my face."
>Twilight will deal with that last comment later but right now, she feels indignant at her friends for being a bit speceist
>"Pinkie what are you thoughts on our new neighbors?"
>Pinkie smiled wide
>"I think we should deport them from where they belong."
>Everyone is taken aback at her response
>"Pinkie?"
>The baker's expression never wavered
>"I think they're freaks of nature that should've never crawled out of face of this earth."
>"Pinkie! How could you say that?!"
>The mare looked Twilight in the eye
>"Because there is only room for one mare in this world who gets to tickle Anon's sugary pickle."

Never watched the new show but a prompt emerged when I saw this
>>
After that weird princess sombrero general with the using sombra like a toilet stuff
I could never really read romantic fics with sombra ever again
>>
>>41234240
God, I miss the hay-day of that game. Left 4 Dead was my fucking jam, and I can still remember spending my summers jumping between L4D/2 and TF2.
>>
>>41234574
>wizard power come at a heavy price it would seem

>In order to unlock true mystic power, you must voluntarily sacrifice a physical portion of your brain in an equivalent-exchange sort of deal
>It's meant to be an ironic punishment
>You gain all the magical ability you could ever want, but you lose the ability to do anything with it that would be considered meaningful to your former self
>You are lost in pure Id, and are now a being of impulse and reaction
>Morals are a foreign concept to you and do not mesh with your worldview, and so they are disregarded
>You are now a danger to yourself and others, but not in the way your former-self wanted to be
>>
>>41234656
>>May I introduce you to Cadence's school for gifted lovers!
>for skilled lovers
>skilled lovers
>tfw you keep waiting for the invitation letter, but it never arrives
>>
>>41235735
>Spoiler
Better not look at the current state of tf2 then.
>>
>>41234793
Hey, there's a new idea for a story.

>There's a really catty stallion that has it in for Anon
>Complains about him to the HOA constantly over trivial bullshit
>Raises a fit when Anon tries to do anything to his own property
>Won the blue ribbon for most delicious homemade pie (that bitch has berry bushes all up in his own backyard) and Anon only got second place
>Anon wants to get back at this catty fuck
>Realizes that there's a new trend in town, coming all the way from up in Canterlot
>Wife-throwing
>Anon's Newman-esque nemesis has a herd, and Anon is single
>Anon's only hope to finally one-up this horse is to find a mare who is willing to pretend to be his wife, and then throw her REALLY hard.
Bam, romantic comedy. Anon can get her an old faux-leather aviation helmet and goggles for the competition. And it doesn't HAVE to be Caramel, it can be an actual canon male character with a nuanced personality, who is also a catty bitch.
>>
>>41235791
Nope, last time I played was nearly a decade ago. My only regret is that I got into crafting right before I left, and broke down all my items into scrap. That was a lot of vintage weapons.
>>
Where is the filly rgre
>>
>>41235809
Why would there be a hoa in equestia they are all evil.
>>
>>41236084
remnants of the aristocracy as equestria transitions into an industrial power would be my guess
>>
>>41236084
Home Oats Association, Anon. They ensure that a neighborhood has adequate access to the communal feeding troughs that are filled with (cheap store-brand, bought in bulk by HOA) oats. It's reduced oat-related crimes by 18%.
>>
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>>41236095
nothing will stop her
>>
>>41236103
Well, Lyra represents 82% of all oat-related crime nation-wide, so she's an outlier.
>>
>>41235809
I think Zephyr would be the appropriate catty bastard. Last we seen him he was working for the guard yeah?

Maybe bitch boy finally gets a glow up post failure, but is jealous of mighty Anon because his sister Fluttershy is into him?
Mix in a bit of flutter rape.back story, and we might have something.
>>
>>41236345
I don't know if he would care if Fluttershy was interested, Dash has always been his goal. Much to her disgust.
>>
>>41236564
The jealousy wouldn't lie in Fluttershy's interest in of itself, (although, having dash be the faux wife might be more fun) but rather having the issue be that mares (including his own sister) are throwing themselves at some monkey when he had to really climb his way up from rock bottom, and here now he can see this ape, who's not much better than he was when shunned, is getting all this attention. Remember, it was fluttershy that *pushed* him to "be better" and now she fawns over this thing?
>>
>>41236103
laxative laced oats
>>
>>41237107
>Giving Lyra the power to rapidly expel oats
>Now she can eat more oats
What have you done?
>>
>ywn marry a notorious oat thief
>ywn deal with the glowdyke she keeps around to deflect suspicion
>ywn have to correct her misplaced beliefs about your species (it's the other skin color that's good at stealing)
>ywn retire to Prance on a fortune of ill-gotten cereal grains
why even live?
>>
>>41236564
Dash could work, and she'd probably be into the whole "Wife Throwing" idea, I could see her going along with it for shits and giggles that eventually turns into feels and cuddles
>>
If I sang Def Leppards "Pour some sugar on me" to Pinkie Pie, would she become so horny she'd jump me then and there?
>>
>>41237549
>Lyra discovers the power of flight
>>
>>41238068
>>ywn deal with the glowdyke she keeps around to deflect suspicion
>Bon Bon was the thief the entire time
"glowdyke" is a derogatory term for a unicorn mare, right?
>>
>>41238218
>Gotta give Rainbow Dash body-massages to keep her limber and aerodynamic
>Rainbow Dash keeps coming back after the competition because you got that kink out of her back that's been there forever
I don't really subscribe to the "human = masseuse god" meme, but I don't think it's unreasonable to think that fingers can get into places that hooves can't reach.
>>
>>41238617
And also we have a bunch of nerve endings in our finger tips, and the same is not true for pony hooves.
>>
>>41238613
It means she (Bon Bon) is a fed. You know, a glow-in-the-dark.
>>
>>41238620
Hooves have plenty of nerve endings. Think about how sensitive your nail beds are. The main difference is that a pony is using one large "finger" and a human isn't. Imagine working with a balled-up fist. You can do a lot like that, but it's much less versatile.
>>
>>41238613
>He doesn't know the TempleOS scripture
>>
>>
>>41239510
Why is her hair cut short like a colt's? Is she such a dyke that she can't stand the thought of a little dirt and grease?
>>
>>41239932
I always preferred the Gender imbalance that still follows actual dimorphism.
"What's a colt like you doing in an office? Shouldn't a big stud like you be working the fields, or plowing in the bedroom right now?"
Afterall, the stallions do tend to be bigger than the mares in the show.
Rather than think the stallions are prissy, it's that they're just too stupid to be trusted with anything important. That's why it's been Princesses in control, not princes.

It's more demeaning to them, methinks.
>>
>>41240478
Yeah I prefer that in general, but I'll have fun with any RGRE that isn't blatantly written by a guy who hates his mother/stepmother.
>>
>>41237549
It's the long game. She'll get dehydrated, causing her to go to the hospital to receive fluids and go under observation for a couple days. That's a couple days of no oat theft.
>>
>>41240663
>ywn impress a white knight ponice mare with your stupidly brilliant (brilliantly stupid?) plan.
>ywn deal with her insisting she walk you home.
>"Jane the Cuddler is still at large- wouldn't put it past her to target a ponice contractor. Think she's bucking with us at this point."
>ywn set stallionism back 40 years by tapping that authoritative horse ass on the first date
>ywn have to deal with Bon Bon yelling at you about the state of her toilet
why even live?
>>
>>41239932
She used it to knit Anon a ball bra.
>>
>>41238999
Ohhhhhhh.
>>
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>>41240716
>>
pictured: why mares die younger
>>
>>41240716
>ywn have to deal with Bon Bon yelling at you about the state of her toilet
what
>>
>>41241880
A couple of posts earlier, they were talking about poisoning Lyra with laxative-laced oats.
>>
>>41240716
fucking kek
>>
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Would you autistic alicorn?
>>
>>41242699
>Arranged courtship with best princess
>Free cheese
>I can always just wash my hands
>Realize she might even hide cheese cubes in her pussy
What's the catch?
>>
>>41240508

Mares could not possibly be as bad as my mother...or the mothers of several childhood friends of mine, one of whom was even worse than her.

It's why I like RGRE. The idea of females who aren't self-centered lunatics that wreck the lives of their alleged loved ones is appealing to me, because I can count the number of times I've seen it in real life on the fingers of one hand.
>>
>>41242699

That might be a little too autistic even for my autistic ass.
>>
>>41242834
My mom was a self-centered control freak who turned full karen after she crippled her leg. My cousins are career criminals with like 10 kids each from idk how many dads.
I get it, dude. I just prefer to focus on the positive aspects of pony instead of the negative aspects of women.
>>
>>41242838
>>41242699
This is not merely autism. Anons.
This...
This is just full retard.
Celestia tis a cruel beast this day.
That being said, I think I could force myself to fuck something that doesn't pass the harness test if my life depends on it.

Who knows, maybe hard sex will fix her? (It won't).

. . .
I may need to watch the drawn together episode where Captain hero fucks the retarded girl again.
>>
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>>41242962
"Look I really can't do this Sunbutt."
>"What's not to like?! She's bigger than most mares, more beautiful, can control the moon, can control dreams."
"I mean the fact she acts less of an autist and more of a genuine retard. I can't date someone like that!"
>"Yes you can!"
"No I can't! That's literally taking advantage of someone less smarter than me. I doubt she even knows what consent means."
>"But you're a colt! Aren't colts supposed to be nurturing and sensitive to a mare's problems."
"...Wow really?"
>>
>>41243005
>High potential of dying in a retard mare's bearhug
A true warrior's death. Valhalla awaits.
>>
>>41243296
>Anon dies from Luna bearhug.
>Ancestors ask how you died.
>Can't... quite look them in the eye as you are compelled to tell the truth
"I... I was hugged by a retarded pony that wanted to fuck me, and it crushed my ribcage with its tardstrength."
>None of your ancestors can look you in the eye either. . .
>>
>>41243296
>>41243315
If she's retarded enough to accidentally kill you, she's retarded enough to accidentally rip your soul from the afterlife and back into your body. Retards and magic are highly reactive when exposed to each other.
>>
>>41243378
Kek
>Luna is crying that Anon is dead
>How could she fix this?
>Wait she knows!
>Her horn glows a magnificent blue and asks the primordial force of magic to bring back Anon
>"Bring back Anon!"
>But the primordial force said 'fuck no, that's illegal'
>Luna's brow furrows
>Underbite is prominent
>Nostrils are flared
>"I SAID BRING HIM BACK!"
>Her voice shook the castle
>Tard strength and love for the human translates into her magic
>Gives life and death the middle finger
>Anon suddenly comes to
"Gaagh Eehhh What the fuck?!"
>Luna is happy that her coltfriend is back
>"Hugs!"
"No no no! No more hugs! GaaAARGH!"
>*snaps*
>>
>sudden surge of "what if [pony] was a drooling retard? would you fuck her?" posts
There is an anon on this board building up the courage to fuck his special-needs sister.
Or it's Chris Chan trying to justify banging his demented mom. In that case, where the fuck is that "dimensional merge"? We're waiting.
>>
>>41243436
That's what Derpy fics are for.
>>
>>41243591
Derpy can handle her job and take care of a kid. She's actually smarter than TardLuna
>>
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>>41243591
>>
>>41243659
Sure she can.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DxNIFZfCsd8&pp=ygUUZGVycHkgb3JpZ2luYWwgdm9pY2U%3D
>>
>>
>>41244742
>MEANWHILE IN CELESTIA'S BEDROOM
>"There is no wrong way to fantasize, stud...~"
>>
>tfw you make your bug wife go out to get the groceries
>Tfw all she gets is honey and cookies
>again
>>
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>>41244264
Today I will remind them.
>>
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>>41245427
>2014
Damn. That feels like a lifetime ago.
>>
>>41245177
>tfw you have to explain to your bugwife how humans can develop diabetes with this diet
>tfw she thinks you're just being sensitive about your weight
>tfw there's a very real risk of dying of sugar leg in this pastel pink hellworld
Worth it, though
>>
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>>41245767
Welp, there's the explanation for the ol' cheeselegs.
>>
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>>41182930
>>41183814
There is nothing stopping you from booping a Herdsister of the Sun. You can just walk into a convent and poke their little snootles. I have booped 458 nuns.
>>
>>41245921
>Snootle
Such profanity! You kiss your father with that mouth, sonny boy?
>>
>>41245962
>kiss your father
Mares only want one thing and its disgusting.
>>
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>>41246679
>Flutterrape imminent
>>
Does anyone have a link to some of those greens where Anon is ugly to ponies due to differences in beauty standards? I vaguely remember them being good and worldbuildy.
>>
>>41247498
https://pastebin.com/YiyKbaBS
Is this the one you are looking for anon ?
>>
>>41247577
No, but it's similar. The one I'm thinking of, Pinkie was giving him pity cuddles and she got sad that no one loved him.
>>
>>41247587
That story sounds neat I might read it but
I don't know about that one haven't read it maybe the other anons have a link to that
>>
>>41247587
Dude I’ve been looking for that one but haven’t been able to find it.so I wish you the best of luck and pls if you do find it link it I beg of you
>>
>>41245921
Herdsisters of the Sun use self-boopellation as a hybrid penance and 100 Hail Marys when they have impure thoughts.
>>
>>41247996
Wouldn't that be Hail Martys?
Or Hail Molestia?
>>
>>41247774
>>41247587

Don't say that I never did anything good for you:

Original prompt: https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/30287592/#30297291

Expanded into an actual green: https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/30860445/#30871996

One of Pinkie's lines stuck.
>>
>>41248273
Just send Uglynon to TGRE and watch him be surprised that the mares there think him as handsome and wait for him to court them
>>
>>41248273
Oh I thought it was the one we’re she pity fucks anon and he blows her mind.that’s the one I’ve been wanting but can’t find
>>
>>41248334
>TGRE
tranny gender roles equestria?
>>
>>41248770
kek
I meant Traditional GRE or just AiE but goddam that'd be a wild universe
>>
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>>41248770
>it's all just changelings constantly changing identities
>>
>>41248785
Tranny not schizoid equestria
>>
>>41248824
>Schizoquestria
>everyone is all kinds of crazy
>except Ponk, who doesn't seem to be any different
>>
>Be Anon
>Make Pies
>Be good at making pies
>Like to leave them on window seals to cool
>Mares like your pies
>Especially your cream pies
>A certain Pie really, really likes your pies
>A lot of the time, she can't control herself when a cream pie is ready and waiting for her
>You haven't been able to eat one of your own pies in months
>tfw its hard being green
>>
>>41248980
Like bizzaro world, the only world where the joker is normal and sad.
Bizzaro equstria
>>
>>41249693
>take notecard
>write "if u eat this ur a dyke" on it
>hang it above the pie
EZ
>>
>>41249814
>Mare walks up to eat the pie.
>Reads sign.
>Stands there sadly staring at a pie they can't eat.
>Another mare sees the first mare and comes over to see what's going on.
>Mare walks up to eat the pie.
>Reads sign.
>Stands there sadly staring at a pie they can't eat.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08DemkyAmyI
>>
>>41246679
>when your waifu reassures her and your son Anon Jr that she supports his decision to work in a typically mare-dominated field
>>
>>41248601
I know which ones you're talking about. I'll try to search for them, but the keywords are going to be tricky. I remember Pinkie telling her friends about fucking Anon the morning after. Anybody remember any particular words or phrases?
>>
>>41249878
>Anon turns the entire town gay and can finally enjoy eating his pie
>>
>>41249693
what a menace
>>41249991
it's all pinkie's fault
>>
>>41249991
And now Anon cannot get laid. Does he take a vow of celibacy, or move to another town knowing his pies will be under threat once more?
>>
>>41249693
>Be Baker-Anon, one of the finest chefs in Equestria, and resident worker of the Ponyville establishment known as 'the Sugar Cube Corner.'
>So, every morning you wake up and go to work at the Sugar Cube Corner; baking cupcakes, donuts, muffins- anything that could be considered a baked confection was your godly domain of expertise.
>-and that was no exaggeration.
>Ever since you landed here, you've found that your baked goods have been highly sought after due to how ponies can apparently taste things like 'love' when cooked into food or felt when made into objects.
>Yours was very tasty, it seemed as over the months of your employment at the Sugar Cube Corner you've seen ponies lie, cheat, steal, and fight for your baked goods-
>Most valued of your work however were your pies.
>Any pie of any flavor was coveted in the town of Ponyville, and you couldn't understand why.
>Perhaps it was something that you should have payed closer attention to as now you find yourself being dragged through the night by Pinkie Pie in a burlap sack.
>Flabbergasted, you poke your head out of the neck of the sack to see the little mare dragging you like it was nothing at all; the sight of her families rock farm off in the distance.
"Pinkie, what are you doing?"
>Pinkie was sweating, but it was clear that it was not due to her current physical activities.
>"I'VE FIGURED IT OUT, NONNY! THE MARE WHO CONTROLS THE PIES CONTROLS THE UNIVERSE! I'VE SEEN THE GLINT IN CELESTIA'S EYES WHEN SHE'S DENIED ONE OF YOUR CAKES! SHE'D KILL FOR A SLICE! HEAVEN KNOWS WHAT SHES DO FOR A WHOLE PIE! YOU'RE TOO DANGEROUS TO BE LEFT A BACHELOR! WE NEED TO GET YOU HITCHED, NONNY!"
>Christ, it was too early for this.
"Pinkie, how much sugar have you had tonight?"
>"NOT ENOUGH, AND THAT'S THE PROBLEM. ALL OF THOSE PONIES IN PONYVILLE ARE ALL PLOTTING TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOU, AND TWILIGHT DOESN'T BELIEVE ME! THAT MEANS ITS UP TO ME TO STOP THE A-PIE-CALYPSE!"
"Then pray tell, what do you intend to do about my relationship status. Marry me?"
>For only a moment, Pinkie stopped dragging you across the wares, staring at you with a sense of empathy.
>"What? No. Nonny, you're like a brother to me. I'm just really worried about you."
>Oh, well shoot.
"Darn it, Pinkie. . . Alright. If you're really so worried about this that'd you'd drag me out into the wastes in the dead of night then I guess I'm willing to hear you out. What do you have planned?"
>"You're going to marry my sister Limestone. She lives out here with my family."
>Your expression soured toward Pinkie- the memory of Limestone breaking your nose for beating her in a staring competition still clear in your minds.
>>
>>41250458
>"Nonny, I know it doesn't sound ideal, but think about it like this: I wasn't kidding when I said Celestia would kill for your cakes. Luna tried stopping her from buying from the bakery, and now a quarter of the canterlot castle is under repairs. Like it or not, in a world completely reliant on sugar and friendship you're dangerous if left unattended."
>This was. . . A surprisingly good point that you never quite took into consideration.
"Huh, that does sound pretty scary."
>Pinkie nodded to punctuate your realization.
>"See? It has to be done."
>"Yeah, Limestone is probably the best for this decision too. Not like I'd be able to keep living in Ponyville, so I'd have to quit my job at the bakery. . ."
>Pinkie's gaze sharpened toward you as her eyes went wide.
>"Wat?"
"She'd probably have me out in the rock fields so much that I wouldn't even have time for baking."
>You were so busy coming to this conclusion that you didn't even notice Pinkie beginning to sweat for a second reason.
>She tried to play things off calmly.
>"Oh, she wouldn't be THAT much of a fuddy-duddy, Nonny. . . I think? She's not so old fashioned that she's put you out in the field. . . Though she does take after mom in a lot of ways. . . At least you'll still be able to bake on holidays, right?"
"Nope, after I explain everything I may have to give up baking all together. Your sister wouldn't so much as let me LOOK at a spoon, much less use one."
>Suddenly, you felt yourself being pulled away from the rock farm.
"Pinkie, where are you going?"
>"Brother or not, it's not by blood, Nonny."
>>
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>>41250458
>>41250482
I bet he'd be a hit with the changelings.
>>
>>41250428
He's got nipples. That makes him mare enough to engage in dykery.
>>41250482
Poor Marble. Not even considered an option by her own family. Though I suppose a mare like her wouldn't be able to rein in world-ending coltish whimsy.
>>
>>41250497
Sweet and innocent bughorse, just give her a little love please? Her 100,000 children are starving!
>>
>>41249983
https://poneb.in/whKCGTZM
>>
>>41250821
Thank you you are a hero of the people
>>
>>41250482
>Fast forward to ten years in the future, Anon and Ponk married with kids.
>Anon is seen as a dilf with the power to end the world while Pinkie is the mare that keeps that from happening.
>Ponies everywhere rejoice that Pinkie allows Anon to keep baking, but only allowing so much per day.
>Agreements are brokered with political parties through Ponk who gives Celestia a stern 'one cake a month' limitation.
>Queen Chrysalis is permitted a steady flow of cookies in exchange for cooperation with the Equestrian government.
>Even wars have been stopped with enough bribery.
>The pies that Anon made belonged to Pinkie and the Pie Family however- the mare taking direct charge of the enforcement of said ruling.
>You'd think that such a change would change Pinkie, but she's still the same big goofball.
>>
Did the Long and Short of it/Everyday life with Guardsmares author die or did the manchildren in this thread finally repulse him enough?
He hasn't uploaded in a while
>>
>>41250937
what a sweetheart
>>41250482
>cucking Limestone out of marriage
pinkie wins again
>>
>>41250458
>>"You're going to marry my sister Limestone. She lives out here with my family."
>your choice of the Pie family is "lol randum", a generic tsundere anime girl, store-brand Fluttershy, and non-verbal autism
I'm being 100% serious, I have no fucking clue why anybody likes Pinkie's family. They are objectively bad characters with 2-dimensional zero-effort personalities. The one named Limestone has a cutie mark that is a slice of lime and a stone.
>>
>>
>>41250821
Based
>>
>>41251227
would
>>
>>41251368
Who wouldn't?
>>
>>41251227
>Be Ponk
>It was hard out there for a gal
>You just wanted a cute boy to grab and squeeze all over, but boys didn't like that
>They said you were always too "rough" and "clingy" and "overeager"
>They didn't want you slapping their buts or smooshing their heads between your boobies for a surprise motorboat session
>It wasn't your fault that you had a whole lotta love that you wanted to get out!
>Word got around, and boys sort of stayed away from you
>They'd have you plan their parties sometimes, and might even give you a quick hug, but that was pretty much it
>The only male in your life that you could really hug was Gummy
>And you couldn't date Gummy
>He was an alligator for crying out loud!
>It was... hard
>Especially in high school when puberty was hitting you like a truck
>But then you met Nonners
>He wasn't a really big party fella
>Didn't have a lot of friends either
>Not because he was shy, like Flutters, but you were pretty sure it was because he didn't like folks all that much
>He wasn't much of a talker either
>But, for some reason, he seemed to like you
>He didn't think you were annoying
>He even helped you sometimes with your parties
>One day, you actually spun around and gave him a hug pretty hard
>You tried breaking it as quickly as you could but to your surprise Anon hugged you back
>Most boys would have yelled at you, but he seemed to excited that he picked you up and spun you around
>He apologized about it after; even blushed too
>You made sure to give him a lot of hugs after that
>He liked each one
>You both could just hold each other for an hour, with his head on your shoulder
>Then one day, when it was summer and you were wearing a thin undershirt that was sorta wet, you felt something poke your leg when you hugged Anon tight
>And honey, it wasn't his phone
>So now you had a boy all to yourself
>One you could hug and kiss and do all sorts of stuff with
>The other girls didn't understand why you'd pick someone like Anon
>That's because they were silly dykes though, so it really didn't bother you
>You think you lucked the heck out!
>>
>>41250821
Spelled et tu wrong ruined
>>
>>41251397
>tfw no wholesome ponk to cuddle with you
I want to die. Also, on a completely unrelated topic, I'm upset that I don't have a wholesome ponk to cuddle with
>>
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>>41251397
this
but flutterbutter
>>
>>41251219
https://desuarchive.org/mlp/search/text/%22four%20humors%22/
>>
>>41250955
Those are two separate authors, anon.
>>
>>41251641
I guess I got confused because their stories were posted on the same Fimfic account.
Well whatever, so did they both die or finally have enough of our "community."
>>
>>41251595
>>
>>41251595
Fluttershy wouldn't be planning parties. Or hugging people in public.
You need to write your own green where she falls for (You).
>>
>>41252018
milkershy
>>
>>41252018
>"Anoooooon~"
>Be Anon
>You had decided to move out into the Whitetail Forest a few months ago
>There was no good jobs in Ponyville for fellas, and some of the gals were... pushy
>Like forced marriage pushy
>So, you decided to use some land that you had won from Big Mac in a game of Uno and just live with nature
>Be a strong, independent man and all that
>You were still close enough to town that you weren't ISOLATED
>You could still go and get groceries and see friends and stuff
>There was a bit of breathing room though
>So, you got some supplies, read some books and went on out to become a mountain man
>Things didn't go horribly wrong immediately
>It happened the second day when you woke up to a bear eating all of your food
>You tried to shoo it away, but it was a bear, and you weren't allowed to own a gun for... reasons, so it didn't work
>A few days later, the bear ripped a hole in your tent looking for more food
>A day or so after THAT you tried looking for edible mushrooms and somehow managed to get your hands on hallucinogens
>You didn't know that until you had eaten a handful though, thinking they were something entirely different
>The bear came around yet again and helped itself to some of the same mushrooms
>You didn't know how long you both just laid there, tripping balls, when a pair of boobs appears
>Big one
>Huge honkers even
>Weirdly enough, they were attached to someone too
>Fluttershy
>That weird girl you'd see every once in awhile in town
>Seeing the state you and the bear were in, she carried you both back to her cottage
>You, a full grown man, and the bear
>A fucking bear
>She just carried both of you like two miles without issue then was your drug Sherpa for the next ten hours
>When you were eventually sober, you explained what happened
>Fluttershy was horrified
>She personally knew this bear, called him Bearie and eventually
>She apologized profusely about everything he did
>She then, very shyly, offered you a room in her cottage
>It was the least she could do after all
>She appreciated the fact that you wanted to live in nature, and was even willing to help you learn a thing or two
>She had lived in the forest most of her life after all
>You took her up on her offer, what with having no food or shelter
>Maybe she could teach you how to build your own log cabin or something
>Weeks went by
>Fluttershy while, well, SHY, was a wealth of knowledge
>You learned where to fish, what berries and mushrooms you could eat, how to build a fire, how to clean a wound
>She seemed excited to show and teach actually
>Maybe have someone around as well
>The only other person out where was that weird shaman, and from what Fluttershy told you she didn't leave her hut a whole lot
>You learned as much as you could, but it was a lot
>Little by little though, you were becoming a proper mountain man
>>
>>41252222
witnessed
>>
>>41252222
>Issues began when you gave the woman a tight hug
>Fluttershy, not really having any male physical interaction in her entire life, had reacted strangely
>She stiffened, eyes widening, and she sharply inhaled while she just stared at you
>Thinking you did something wrong, you had apologized of course
>Fluttershy had said nothing, just staring at you
>The hug had made her feel a certain type of way
>So, when you had went to the local stream to take a bath, she spoke to her animal friends about it
>The animals, being animals, gave animal advice
>Mainly, you were a male, she was a female
>A male under her care
>Her protection if you will
>A male under a female's protection had certain responsibilities to the female they insisted
>Responsibilities she would actually very much like you to fulfill
>She just had to make sure you were aware of it
>When you got back, you realized Fluttershy wasn't wearing a bra
>She never wore another one around you either
>>
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>>41252222
>>41252241
IMAGINE
>>
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>>41252415
I
M
A
G
I
N
E
>>
if regular gender roles equestria girls scitwi is a turboslut, what is RGREG Scitwi?
>>
>>41252222
>>41252241
>>41252415
>>41252439
Mountain man Anon with forest woman Fluttershy would breed very powerful wild children. Children of the woods.
>>
>>41252478
a turbostacy
>>
>>41252241
based animal advice
>>41251397
man, she never even tried to date gummy
>>
>>41252222
Spine of steel.
>>
>>41252222
Thers two things i want in this life, to shoot a big gun into a soft target, and to motorboat flutters or Celestias tits
>>
>>41252241
>Never wore a bra around Anon again
>Just let her floppy chest fat hurt like fuck
Actually, suffering from your huge tits sounds like an RGRE maresculinity thing. Subconsciously signaling to nearby males that you can feed a lotta babies and put up with the back pain of having them? Idunno.
>>
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>>41253166
Sneaking into (You)r house to steal your dirty gym clothes
>>
>>41253263
But I use those to feed the washing machine.
>>
>>41253138
That sounds like the equivalent of a man deliberately sitting on his balls every time he sits down and thinking it makes him more attractive to women.
>>
>>41220760
>Twilight makes a joke about this to her friends not knowing that Anon is behind her.
>They stare at her deadpan, twilight is confused and brings up all the things they said earlier all the ponies are horrified since twilight just said all their secrets to Anon
>Anon laughs and tells twilight sure.


>Does twilight take him up on the offer or chicken out
>>
>>41252241
I was expecting the twist to be fluttershy sent Mr Bear to eat your food so she could rescue you.
This was better, but was still expecting snu snu.
>>
>>41253473
>Grab Twilight's horn tightly
>Shove my balls up against her face
"Oya oya, what happened to that bravado?"
>Watch her squirm and panic
>All her friends are shocked
>Let go after a full minute
>Give her a wink and tell her my house later in one hour
>She starts stuttering and tries to say yes but spaghettifies her vocabulary
>Walk away
>As soon as I am out of sight, I run to my house and land on my bed, kicking my legs in glee in that I confessed to Twilight
>>
>>41253623
what's he gonna do about the monster under the bed though
>>
>>41251672
Yeah, the fimfic guy is just a third person that converts the greens into prose for them.
TMFAT (the guardsmare guy) is busy with family, AFAIK, though supposedly his own wife wants him to finish it. He's not a RGRE local though, he used to post in guardmare threads.
SQAnon is the Long And Short Of It writer, and yes, the last few times he's been here he said that he has little interest in writing RGRE any more.
>>
>>41253773
We used to get a surprising amount of fimfic authors in this thread. SomekindofBrony used to chill here back when he was writing Floored.
>>
>>41253773
>TMFAT (the guardsmare guy)
So I'm confused about the story. I remember reading it a while ago, and I think they established both that A) the mares outnumbered the stallions 4:1-ish, and B) somehow stallions were in charge and the mares still felt oppressed? or something? It was like the guy primed it to be RGRE but then went "nah".
>>
>>41253820
He said once or twice it's more equal gender roles than reversed gender roles. The story flirts with rgre here and there, but at the end of the day it's a /rgm/ green, not an /rgre/ one.
>>
>>41253820
Hmm, no, I can't say that I remember either the 4-1 ratio (maybe you're misremembering because Anon got assigned 4 guardsmares to him?), or the mares feeling oppressed Like >>41253868
said, it seems to be a pretty much equal gender roles world.
>>
>>41253979
I might be misremembering in all honesty.
>>
Has anyone done a green with the idea that mares are really bad at stallion anatomy?
>>
>>41253997
>obligatory rainbow dash thinks pee is stored in the balls
>>
>>41254001
>RD is going down on Sorin. "He dude, is this the pee hole or the cum hole?"
>>
>>41254003
Soarin' now has the moral dilemma of having sex with a mentally-challenged mare
>>
>>41253997
>Fluttershy and Rarity in the spa, having a heated discussion, wondering how stallions hide their penises so well. Fluttershy's dad told her when she was little, that stallions leave them in their sock drawer where their safe and out of the way. She's insistent that this is true, because her daddy would never lie to her. She also knows this is true because she got in trouble once when she found a penis in her mom's sock drawer and was grounded for a week for snooping.
>>
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>>41254004
Dash is a big mare for you! If there's a challenge, mental or otherwise, she'll eagerly accept and beat everypony at it!
>>
>>41253444
That sounds like something Rainbow Dash would do.
>>
>>41253716
Kinderquestria is >>41253049 this way.
>>
>>41251227
seraphine
>>
>>41252241
>The bed they you had been using was suddenly broken
>One of Flutters critters had fallen on it or something
>So, Fluttershy suggested that you two just share her bed
>You offered to just sleep on the sofa, but she was weirdly insistent
>She started initiating hugs
>Hug she wouldn't break for a good long while, where she'd bury her face inch the nape of your neck and just nuzzle you like a dog
>You don't know why, but your clothes started smelling like her
>A few times, when you were getting close to the Everfree, she'd insist you hold her hand
>For "protection"
>You didn't really have an issue with any of this
>Fluttershy HAD been a model for crying out loud
>She was a real nice girl to boot
>So, one night, you decided to work on your courage and snuggle up with her in her bed
>Arms around her, pressed close
>You even gave her a smooch on the cheek
>A bad idea
>The next morning, you found a crazed, naked Fluttershy straddling you
>She asked if you liked her
>You, confused and groggy, said yes
>She then proceeded to unleash years of pent up sexual frustration and loneliness on you
>She broke her bedframe
>You were also pretty sure she dislocated your hip
>You were just sort of along for the ride, doing your best not to die
>Two straight days of animalistic sex saw her calm down though
>The boys in town told you she seemed much more confident and happier
>They'd also ask about the bitemarks all over you
>So there you were
>A proper mountain man with a proper mountain gal
>And if Flutters kept it up, you'd have around fifteen mountain children
>She seemed really excited about it
>>
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>>41254892
>>A bad idea
>>The next morning, you found a crazed, naked Fluttershy straddling you
I'm failing to see where the bad idea is?
>>
>>41253773
That's kind of overselling it. I still have every intention of eventually finishing the long and short of it, I just don't write or read pony as much as I used to. I've admittedly also been pretty writers blocked until recently but I'm getting back into it.
>>
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>>41254900
good to hear, er read.
>>
Would you let your son date a zebra?
>>
>>41254974
I'd just rev my engine really loud, spooking her so she'd run full tilt into a wall and break her neck (real thing that can happen btw)
>>
You know, maybe reduced threadposting is why I'm having such a hard time coming up with rgre ideas. So I ask you thread: what fucked up things do YOU think Pike should encounter in the market?
>>
>>41255272
a stinky sky-zigger
>>
>>41254974
>Be alpha mare
>Be mare-ied
>Your husband knows knows his place
>Keep your stomach and your pussy full
>You, in turn, supply food money and babies to soothe his whimsical heart
>As was written, so it shall be
>One night, as many times before, you go upstairs with one pony and end up with two in the morning
>No big deal, you're just growing a fucking pony inside you
>Not your first rodeo, nothing to worry about
>Real mare hours here
>Show off your rock hard belly to the gals at the work site
>"Yep." "Yep." "Yep." "Mmmmhm."
>Buck, it's good to be in charge.

>Give birth to son
>joy.exe
>Spend years feeding him
>Countless bedtime stories at night
>Take many potshots at many fillies with your Burnt Umber Elizabeth pattern crossbow
>They run like hell, fucking foals these days don't get how the game is played
>You reminisce about your own courtship, and how you took the bolt that grazed you and made the bolthead into a wedding ring
>Your mother in law never said a word to you, but you knew from the way she sniffed dismissively that you'd earned her respect.
>She still hasn't said a word to you, she might be mute come to think of it.
>Finally one is brave enough to face you
>Your son's been seeing her behind your plot
>Whatever, friends start dating all the time. You start to ask if you know her senpai-
>It's a zebra, he says
>ziggawhat.wav
>Whatever
>Grit your teeth
>Give the cunt a fair chance, love and tolerance and all that dyke shit.
>Your better half insists on throwing a dinner party to introduce everyone.
>The thought of his best pasta calms your nerves, at least.

>Fast forward to dinner, The Night Of
>Whole family is dressed nice
>Took all morning to get the twins into sunday dresses, but no expense spared for your little colt!
>The fuck is that noise?
>Oh, fuck.
>You hear the bitch well before she arrives
>Or rather, you hear her fucking bongo-boosted wagon blasting cutthroat sonnets out of an up-horned phonograph
>Why is she even bringing that thing? She's eating HERE. She's not taking your boy out on the first not-technically-even-a-date!
>Your son is setting up extra high chairs
>She's not only bringing more zebras, she brought her other-
>Other what?
>Oh god she'd better not have.
>If that click-clucking sand palfrey deflowered your boy-
>You look out the window, yep! There's a younger zebra filly right there!
>That's it!
>Out comes Loose Lizzie!
>Thwip!
>A shot out your window silences the zigger chanting forevermore! Hallelujah!
>Wait, there's a filly crying now.
>You made your granddaughter cry-
>Oh.
>Right.
>Your son is like, 10?
>So the filly is the zebra in question.
>The older zebra is her mother...
>And the high chairs are because the new herdsister had triplets last year...
>And your son just opened the door before you could think of an excuse.
>Fuuuuuuuuuck.
>"Don't worry about it! I have a son, I know how it is!"
That'll do, zig. That'll do.
>>
>>41255359
>Senpai
Goddammit I was trying to indicate a train of thought being cut off in the middle of "family" and now it looks like I spontaneously weebed the fuck out.
>>
>>41255272
>Colts lining up to get their own magi-dynamic spatuler with port and starboard attachments. Don't forget the turbodrive.
>Some creepmare trying to take candid shots of colts' underbits
>Really fucked up food stalls that state fairs have, like pickle pizza, but equestrians like it because they're weird
>A clown
>>
>>41253997
>"Alright class, today's lesson is on the male anatomy." The fillies stare in rapt attention as Cheerilee points at the board with a stick. "This is the thingamajig, these are the doohickeys. Any questions?"
>>
>>41226853
What? No, that's stupid. She literally holds all the cards in this situation. She could easily take out the princesses and the Elements and then mind control me into accepting her anyway. Of course, if she was smart, she'd first mind control Celestia to both get as much information on unknown threats, artifacts, and plans; AND to make her "willingly" give Equestria over to Umbra. Of course, the really smart thing to do is not kill any of them, or at least to keep it secret from the populace, considering her entire kingdom hinges on the functioning of an artifact that only functions when there's love in the people; the fact that she probably hasn't realized that is kind of concerning. Did she even stop to think about how she's going to delegate all her work? She does know that ruling an empire takes a lot of effort; she does, right!? And what about outside threats! There's literally an entire species of fire-breathing, gem eating lizards with tenuous relations with ponykind. Is she just going to ignore them? Please tell me, she's not just going to ignore them. Oh my god, why does everyone in Equestria suck at being evil!? I almost want to marry her just because I'm worried she'll blow herself up by accident without someone there to look after her.
>>
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>>41255359
>>You reminisce about your own courtship, and how you took the bolt that grazed you and made the bolthead into a wedding ring
>>Your mother in law never said a word to you, but you knew from the way she sniffed dismissively that you'd earned her respect.
Stop, I can only get so hard. Pic related, this was her breakfast, lunch, and dinner most days before she got married.
>>
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>All this nohooves and nobody has posted this masterpiece yet
You disapointruu your famiry.
>>
>>41255637
Protein-blasted you say?
>>
>>41255645
They don't mention that you need a stallion to prepare the Orb if you want that protein injection. I mean, it must feel kind of good.
>>
>>41255649
They DO say good mac and cheese sounds like pussy. Maybe it feels like pussy too...
>>
>>41254892
>You, confused and groggy, said yes
I was not confused
unf
>>
>>41255359
Kek
>>"Don't worry about it! I have a son, I know how it is!"
Zebramom definitely earned some respect with that one. They're going to start having cookouts and fishing trips together now, aren't they?
>>41255629
Stop being so dramatic. This is clearly an elaborate proposal scheme. The elements and the princesses may be her hated enemies, but a mare who isn't willing to play wingmare is no mare at all.
>>
>>41255637
>Roundmeal
Obviously such a thing exists in the Equestrian utopia. How did it ever reach our reality?
>>41255693
They'll end up having to take both their sons one weekend due to their herds all catching mono. Doting ensues only for Little Zulu (with his mop of curls for a mane) to save both of them from idk a fuckin wild boar cause he's a janegirl lil shid.
>>
>>41255272
Liquid bagels
>>
>>41255891
>Little Zulu
I am now imagining that instead of firing crossbow bolts Zebramom chucks spears.
>>
>>41256066
Oh, Zulu!
Little Zulu, Little Zulu, with stripeys on your skin,
Always in and out of trouble, but mostly always in.
Using Mom's hair-ties for the tail on your kite,
Using Dad's spices for the letters you write!

Little Zulu, Little Zulu, there's no one quite as smart
doesn't matter what you're doing,
You're doing it with your heart!
Shining colts are dancing there's a sparkle in your eye,
When can we look forward to your next surprise?

Oh, the clock says 7:30, it's really after 10
Look's like Zulu's been repairing it again.
Though you're wild as any Lulu and you're just as hard to tame!
Little Zulu, We love you
Just the same-the-same!
Little Zulu, we love you-zu... just... the... same!
Zuluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!

Yes I did just have the Little Lulu Show song stuck in my head for hours



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