I kind of miss making shitty threads on pol and r9k but I just don't have it in me anymore

does anyone else have a pathologically intense hatred for men but also at the same time the psycho sexual need for complete and total domination over them?

>>41503647
it makes me depressed now thinking i could ever be like them

Bump at night

suicidal again

>>41505852
I mean it kinda makes sense that black boys just become criminals when the women in their family treat them like that from day 1 for doing anything expressive in public and not just being drones but like black people in general are just absurdly unpleasant to be around and I loathe every interaction with them
>And it used to be even cheaper, imagine that
perhaps that's the problem
people got hooked on the cheap labor, and the memory of that satisfaction got embedded in white genes
and blacks are STILL used for (not as cheap) labor and that's the real problem
if whites didn't exploit blacks they wouldn't care about policing "racism"
"racism" is just trying to prevent blacks from rebelling once they realize nobody really likes them around
>but lived in a shit part of Louisiana for like 3 years
yikes

>>41505871
>first paragraph
Yeah that's kinda the crux of it for me. Even if I can acknowledge how fucked up all the circumstances are, it's like.. I can't fix this on a societal OR personal level, so the best I can do is avoid the problem lmao
>yikes
It was an interesting period of my childhood. Thankfully I'm a large whiteboi so I didn't get fucked with explicitly, but the environment was like being in a prison. Same smell too, holy fuck I still remember the smells almost 20 years later

>>41505919
>so the best I can do is avoid the problem lmao
I mean we shouldn't have the problem
blacks shouldn't live here they are like genetic pollution but people are scared to just send them to Africa

>but the environment was like being in a prison.
blacks turn any sort of group environment into a prison setting
my most noted observation is how they are generally VERY willing to enforce trivial rules at the behest of others, and thus often find themselves used as security guards and other petty goons

>>41505936
My dream is waking up and finding out we are just shipping em back, but that's like 40 million people or some shit so it's never happening. I just mean pragmatically; the best you or I can do is steer clear
>often find themselves used as security guards and other petty goons
Never thought about it this way but true. Maybe also related to slave programming. I think the biggest theme/throughline through all their behavior is being unable to conceive of delayed gratification

>>41505969
my dream is waking up and they are already gone
i cant really have conversations with non whites they are just like weird filler monkeys

I kinda want to move on from my feelings with my best friend, but I want/wanted it so badly to be her, but idk what to do :( I feel so stuck

>>41505488
This image is convincing me to throw myself in front of a bus

>>41505335
I accidentally came in my pants today and it feels super good too

>>41505488
Actually I regret not going for longer because now I’m bored

>>41505335
Flirting with like 3 people, might empty my hefty balls into one later idk kinda wish they were readily available.

>>41504958
How are you going to recover if you are a social recluse living on your own? They wont let you get SRS unless you have a caretaker.

>>41506027
Trauma is a real thing, and dick sex is traumatically underwhelming.

Plus it's kinda hot that she is going to get boned by dudes and have no idea what it is like for them. Real fembrained stuff right there!
>OP was born with a dick but is still going to be just as clueless at what a good blow job feels like as the next cisfem

>>41505063
>>41505683
i never wanted it in the first place. i thought i was ace before i transitioned so it would never have been used regardless. i can kind of see the experience angle but i would personally find it upsetting enough to not be worth it

>>41505601
that's promising ty for sharing. not looking forward to that initial awkwardness but there's no avoiding that. honestly im most worried about even finding a bf in general without the relationship experience. i dont want to be a burden while im learning stuff i should have worked out years ago lol

>>41506130
my mom agreed to help take care of me for the first 2-3 weeks (my family is conservative so i was worried but she agreed to help). i have some online friends from college that agreed to help as backup if that falls through. social recluse may have been too strong of wording. i live alone and only leave my apartment to go to work, the store, or the movie theater but i keep in contact with friends online daily

>>41506037
stop talking about your poopchute like that

>>41498821
EVERYONE HAS TO LET ME WIN OR ILL KILL MYSELF!!!!

>>41505918
It's a 21 year old. They probably believed it was fair. Do you remember how stupid you were at 21? People shouldn't be shamed or hurt.

>>41498821
>was in the women in CS group
My sympathy evaporates, that shit is not for you

it didnt swim so good

>>41504711
>A pink sharpie
Very funny anon. People are dying and you're laughing.

omg, he is so sexi

File: idiot boy.jpg (18 KB, 332x297)

18 KB JPG

theres this chaser that bartends at my local bar and i would lowk let him. like i know its not a good idea but he could make me feel like a woman in a capacity that girls just cant

>>41506167
Isn't that diaper baby Sam Hyde

2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0

>>41506114
1
I love most people, especially intelligent people.

>>41506114
I mean be honest how much do you know about gay jews and jews in general besides le 4 morbillion genders of the talmud and leviticus?

woman = xx vagina

>>41505369
It doesn't work like that in practice, and that's not going to change.

>>41505376
It has literally worked like that since the birth of language, they just didn't have the highly useful phrase we have.
We build girls out of AFaB neonates.
We build women out of girls.

>>41505398
It literally doesn't retard, you're suggesting that the doctor always assigns sex at birth properly which is untrue even before one considers trans people

>>41506121
Well, it doesn't have to be a doctor. But it certainly should be a group of specialists if people monitoring a fetus suspect something's happening.
Point is, you get assigned on a really, really good guess to your sex that is investigated only if developmental oddities transpire.

There are intersex people. But they become assigned as well based on proximity because we don't have room for actual "NB"s.

And no, trans people do not migrate sex. They do not develop new reproductive cells.
They use hormones and surgeries to ameliorate psych disorders and sexism.

>>41505479
>is this a rare pepe?

>>41505566
sui via meds/overdose does sound appealing. but i don't know shit about drugs so i can't advise, sorry. please just make sure you do plenty of research before trying something like that.
does alcohol actually make it easier or more effective or whatever? or are you just hoping to feel nice on your way out? any particular alcohol you had in mind?

>>41505798
i would never - EVER - post a pepe the frog image.

>>41505818
>does alcohol actually make it easier or more effective or whatever?
alcohol is a breathing suppressant so it numbs the pain and actually helps stop your breathing.

i also like fireball ive barely had it but its nice :3

>>41505566
For the pills, if you live in a city there may be harm reduction services that provide free ftir testing, I know they exist all over the US and in canada

>>41505507
You've been on this site for too long. I promise you you can be happy with yourself as the person you wanna be. You're not less for wanting it, it's just a difficult process. Even if it hurts at first, don't let yourself be miserable anymore

HRT does a lot and probably more than you think. It’s great. Changing your sex is really cool and fun. I recommend it. You deserve quality transition healthcare and are capable of making the best decisions for yourself.

>>41504913
OP, I hope you're okay. I hope you can work this out and if you wanna talk, I'm sure there'll still be people here for you to talk to :)

>>41505586
HRT does very little. If you're not already physically feminine, you're screwed.

>>41506092
I'm a monster but it still helped me

>>41506294
For me ending up in a chaser's goon bank is the main appeal of posting pics here

>nobody jumping at the chance for an 18 year old slav tranny to give hrt to
y'all niggas gay asf

>>41506350
18 is already a late shit lmao what

>>41506315
speaking of twitter trannies does anyone have recs. cute brown tranners ideally

>>41506354
kys nigger

>>41505659
I'd pin them down and rail them until they cried tears of pleasure and pain

>>41505666
This but it's a hikki NEET girl whose parents put up with the sounds of their not-son getting mounted because they know she needs the social interaction

>>41505667
I wish I didn't think this was hot why does cock stop me from avoiding obvious danger

>>41505700
this would be me if boy mode in the future except my parents twist it into “we accept you for being gay” instead of choosing to acknowledge that i’m growing tits xD

>>41504300
hell no you are perfect. twinks are chads amongst men and should rule the earth

>>41505800
I think you need to spend some time away from the places on the internet you normally hang out

>>41505800
That's your autogynephilia being tickled

>>41500672
I only fuck with Sidney Phillips, we need more tranny rappers who don't suck ass like brokie

>>41500672
god i fucking love dariacore

>>41505923
Leroy, that was fucking terrible

>>41505878
God, I wanna suck Brokie's ass

>>41500672
i like jane remover and underscores a lot
t. a jeep

Does anyone have advice for what it feels like to be genderfluid?
Is it possible to feel like one gender "too much" or "too often?"
is there anything I should be mindful of?

I'm realizing that I might be genderfluid but it's so new to me that I don't know what to do. I just realized sometimes I want to be a girl and sometimes I want to be a guy.

File: IMG_3564.jpg (1.28 MB, 2460x1682)

1.28 MB JPG

I haven’t posted one of these before, but I could tell people my progress over the past few months. I got super depressed that I had no friends so I started looking. I used an app called MEETUP and I joined an art club. I’ve been going every weekend to a coffee shop or a restaurant and sitting with a dozen people just drawing. I just went to a potluck with them and met some 25 members. It was incredible. It keeps me drawing and gets me to be more social. Lot of lgbt people and furries who are having the time of their lives. And now I’m part of it <3 and I’m gonna try and befriend some of them.

I really want permission to cry
Keep calling suicide hotlines, telling them all the shit that happened to me then crying
I can't cry when I'm on my own, I need someone there to give me permission but then I've lost so many friends and got in so many fights and fucked up relationships and family connections from crying so it's just like there's this massive block there.
I want to cry so badly right now I'm tyring to cry. I cried down the phone to my mom and she screamed at me again she used to slap me in the head whenever I'd cry as a kid and now I never see her in person she just yells at me and hangs up the phone.
I feel like I could cry for 100 years I've got so much I wanna cry about. I used not to be able to cry for 14 years even when my friends would die or when fucked up shit would happen I'd never cry but then I started crying again but now I cry again it just stresses everyone out and it's just shit. I have so much crying I need to do. But what's even the point. It feels pointless. Is there an end point to all of this. I keep waking up feeling so dissociated and depressed and I can't snap out of it and I try so hard to do all the right things that snap you out of it but I only manage like a couple of days out of the week to even get there before I have to sleep again. Even when I'm around people I just have this fucked up dissociative haze up and I want to be present around them but I just have this barrier up and I can't bring it down and it's just there. I have really good methods of stopping myself self harming or feeding into ideation. So I don't feel in danger at the moment from myself. But I'm deeply sad and I feel like the few connections I have could just collapse in any moment. And I can still feel joy. Which is wonderful. But yeah I just want to cry. But I don't feel safe enough to cry right now. And if I do the things that make me feel safe I'm gonna just like. Iron out those emotions. I don't understand how this shit works.

>>41505804
Have you ever gone to therapy?
I was like this before. I felt fucking miserable all the time, wanted to cry, but couldn't. I wanted to scream harder than my body was capable of screaming.
I started going to therapy and I told my therapist, I just need to fucking cry. I need to let this shit out and feel okay somehow.
I've been going to therapy for about 16 months, and I've gone through phases of not being able to cry when I wanted to cry, then crying all the time even when it wasn't appropriate, and then... No longer feeling a need to cry. I can still cry, but I just stopped needing to cry.
My therapist told me during today's session that she thinks I've improved enough that don't need to come in as often anymore, so my visits will be further apart than they used to be. I've come a long way since my first appointment.
I didn't think therapy would work but it helped me fix problems I didn't even realize I had.

I'm proud of you from holding back from hurting yourself. Work hard to be compassionate to yourself. You're a human being who has experienced incredible suffering and you deserve compassion; every human deserves compassion. If nobody will be compassionate to you, then you can learn how to be compassionate to yourself. You can always be your own refuge.

>>41505988
Thanks for taking the time to read and respond anon. I'm sorry you've been through a lot too and I'm glad you're doing a lot better.
I have been doing therapy for about 9 months but I stopped for a few months cause of money and I thought I was doing ok. I had a session last week and cried so fucking hard and now my therapist is on holiday for a month. So I'm just like open up again to more pain and I thought I got it all out and worked through all of it. But apparently not.
A couple of weeks back I was going through some shit and trying some self love stuff that was helping a bit and I've not been doing that practice as much so I'm gonna try really hard and do that tonight and tomorrow. I realise that I am the best refuge for myself. I need to make more money so I can get more therapy and cry more at my therapist basically. But I need to journal more and cry more at myself.
It feels difficult to be with myself in my flat and journal and stuff cause so much bad stuff happened here. I did so much bad stuff here. There's too many memories in this room. I went to a coffee shop the other day. Full manmode to journal for a bit and had some dude come in and say transphobic shit to me and try and start a fight. I didn't rise to it. That shit hurts still though. I've been kinda off and dissociated ever since. Landlords put my rent up. Mom helping me negotiate with them. Means I have to deal with mom. I'm too messed up emotionally about mom to deal with mom. I'm trying so hard to be on top of the more fucked up symptoms of my psychological issues. I'm doing DBT and stuff. I feel like I am so far from being ok again. My work is difficult. The people there are uncomfortable around me cause I'm emotionally difficult but also very good at my job. My skills are slipping because I'm emotionally disregulated and not putting the work in. I'm tired. I will be ok. I just need to keep going. Even if I lose everyone in my life because I'm too much work. I'll still have me