>19F i feel like my mind has been wired in the wrong way, everything good for me, i hate, and everything bad for me, i want. it’s like my mind wants to get rid of me, i am drawn to things that repeatedly put me in danger and always have urges to self destruct, as i’ve grown older i find myself becoming more cold to others, feeling less remorse for things, doing things for my own benefit and not caring how it affects others.. i don’t want to be this way but i feel it’s probably a result from stuff that’s happened in my childhood, i have a really good boyfriend who i think is a good person and is good for me, yet i’ve hurt him so many times in the past for my own benefit and because i seem to feel the need to seek validation from other guys, like approval and praise.. and that’s what messes my relationships up.throughout my life bad things have happened to me from male figures who are supposed to be part of my family, and as a result of that i am really hyper sexual and have been that way from a young age.. so at the same time i’m afraid of men but also need validation from them, as a girlfriend i am very obsessive, and can come across ‘too much’ because i fall in love easily and then when i do they become my whole life because i’d rather focus on their life then living for mine. when i turned 18 it really messed with me because i had a promise to myself that i wouldn’t be around by then, so in a twisted way even though i should of been proud of myself for reaching it this far i feel ashamed, as if i’m letting some dark part of me down or something, i just want to stick to something that’s good for me, which is my boyfriend, i guess what i’m wondering is, is there a chance for my mindset to change? or is this something inevitable that i have to live with as a result for damage that has been done to me?
I got some ecstasy from a friend and my older sister found it and we split a pill to do together we have never done ecstasy before. And a hour in we are listening to music and cuddling and I kiss her and she kisses back and we have sex and our younger sister comes home and my older sister wants her to join in and contrary to the laws of pornography she was very not interested and freaked out and told our parents. Now they are mad at us and just got madder when we told them we were on ecstasy and now I’m going to live with my grandparents. What do I do? I feel like this is more my sister’s fault she started this and she’s older and thus more responsible.
>>35025974Motherfucking kek. I think this is the first time ever I’ve read a sibling story and, being the oldest myself, had little sympathy for the older siblings and identify primarily with tattletale younger sister.What the fuck, dude? I’d send your ass to live with grandpa too and you’d be lucky that was all it was.
>>35025974
Ummm, yeah you know just don't do drugs and enjoy incest sober?
>>35025974Ywnbaw. Ever.
I think I might actually hate my race and I don't know what to do I genuinely can't stand being around my own people and every day wish I was white, east/se asian, or latinoBeing black is a 24/7 humiliation ritual. It has gotten to the point where I hope we all get sterilized because I don't see a positive future for usI even hate seeing young black kids because I know they'll just grow up to be terrible people like their parents. What do I do? Nobody seems to take my concerns seriously
>>35022310speak for yourself american!!!!!!
>>35025315Not an argument
>>35025534Exquisite mustache. A true aryan.
>>35023604Aint rape the arab stereotype?
You are a really overly emotional, feminine personality. These single moms raising these whiny males who go on tantrums is just pathetic. I mean, SERIOUSLY pathetic. Not a manly bone in his moist body.And buckbroken males can only create more buckbroken males. Go where you're loved OP
My girlfriend has a huge vibrating wand, a dildo, and just purchased some shit that mimics being eaten out. NGL, I am pretty insecure about it. I have fucked around 20 other women and have been able to make all but a few of them orgasm. Apparently, I have never made my girlfriend orgasm and the vibrator can make her orgasm 10 times in 20 minutes. How the hell am I supposed to compete with this thing? I feel like I am being cucked by a tesla robot. I told her I think she is getting pavlov dog'd by the vibrator to where she cant cum from regular sex. She responded that she still thinks I am better than it and loves having sex with me, but idk women are chronic liars so. I am still able to make her squirt, but its different. And also, I think vibrators are hot, but this thing is some huge device and she uses it a lot when I am not with her. I think if the roles were reversed and I was suffering from porn induced ED from a sex robot death gripping my dick, she would feel insecure or desu think im gay or some shit but I would still tell her I love having sex with her as of course I would, even though its not as good as it could be if I wasn't fucking a tesla bot.
>>35025819Almost no one on 4chan is capable of loving a woman much less being romantic so I wouldn't be surprised if he's just jackhammering her and she's bored out of her mind
>>35022532use the vibrator on her as you fuck her.tell her you want to feel her pussy quiver on your cock as she orgasms from the vibrator. damn bro this is so easy
>>35023661>>35023661>How did you go about telling your ex not to use them?My girlfriend was a virgin and I took her virginity and I had a few long relationships before her so I laid down the ground with rules right at the beginning - no hanging out with the other gender one on one, and you have to have me and not toys. The toy issue didn't come up until way later though, she just never contested it because i was giving it to her good all day every day. Until later in the relationship when I didn't give it to her good all day every day and then she voiced a little bit of want for toys but she's been trained so well that she understood where I was coming from. So these wants were just little voices and not serious demands.I'm afraid that it's a Pandora's box that you can't go back from. She's a whole person. You thought mules are stubborn? Humans will fake a personality their entire life just to hold up a specific position. You see it all around you.Easy for me to say but I would say, either accept it or try to find a girl who isn't spoiled by toys. I'm sure those girls exist. The ones who didn't feel the need to find them.
>>35025914What color is your lamborghini ass post. Are you also bald and have a recessed chin?
>>35026085I'm not bragging if that's what you're getting at, I'm saying that it's a first serious relationship type of thing, i consider her my first serious long term relationship, and there are some things you don't commonly find outside of that first.
Everyone has one right? To make it big in a sport or become a musician/doctor. Something that would take huge amounts of effort and dedication, as well as decent luck to achieve. That is a dream, is it not? My dream, since I first watched pornography at 7, was to be able to fuck all the sexy women I see. Whenever I'd see my sexy elementary school teachers and female peers, I always wondered what would I have to do to get into a sexual relationship with them. You could say this was my dream. I later on learned that some men do get to have this kind of life. A life where they fuck different women and rotate through a sexual roster. Then, I also learned that there are sexy women out there who do professional jobs that actually desire this kind of setup(or the man themselves). I just want to know, can I achieve this dream? I'm already 26, and the closest thing I've come to achieving it is fucking different chopped trannies and femboys(some were hot ngl). But at 5'6 and being Indian, and with the advent of the blackpill and looksmaxxing becoming popular, I fear it will always remain a dream. I've longed for it since I was 7, but I just don't know if it's possible for me.
This is a long post but i feel there is much to unpack. I'm (male) atm. making exit plans dated for the 25th of this month. A week after my gf's niece's birthday.Short story of what has been going on. We are both in our late 30s, the relationship has gone on for 9 years. We have had a lot of issues, and i admit a lot of them have been from me.First change in the situation was 5 years or so ago, she started to have this urge that we should put our trash in one of the sinks in the kitchen. At the end of the day or two she made a trashbag and i took it out. Then the time between her making the trashbags got longer and longer... Sometimes she actually cleaned everything up but that has been years now, maybe 2 or 3.Slowly that situation evolved into something much worse. Now there are multiple trash piles in the apartment, especially in the kitchen and bathroom. Papers and newspapers are scattered around. Both sinks (kitchen and bathroom) have been unusable for almost a full year now, and even basic maintenance (like fixing a broken bathroom light) feels impossible because the apartment is in such a state that we can’t realistically invite anyone in. The light in the showerroom, that hasn't worked for a year, also is special and an electrician is needed to change it(it's not just a lightbulb i can change alone). So we use a type of forehead light when we operate there.I wash the dishes using a handwashing bowl and the shower faucet. When i talk about cleaning it all up by myself, she gets angry. Says she must be the one to do it, and she might get a nervous breakdown if i did something to it. I do small, mainly logistic fixes every now and then but even they get her anxious.I’ve adapted to functioning in this environment, but I feel a lot of shame and discomfort about it too. If I had a free choice, I would never live like this.
7So right now:>i'm pursuing an assessment for issues i've wondered about for years, including possible autism>i'm working with a crisis center and trying to plan a safe breakup>i'm trying to accept that i don't need her permission or agreement to end the relationship>i still need to take responsibility for my life, especially getting a job and becoming financially independent>but i don't have to stay in a relationship i no longer want just because i've made mistakes or leaving will hurt her>i've spent over a month discussing this on 4chan, and some replies have helped me think things through>i'm going to stop posting this week and put more energy into actually moving forward>i'm trying to choose a breakup date and plan what to tell my friends beforehand, so i don't end up isolated if things go badly>i just missed a good opportunity to tell my friends what was going on in person, but luckily i've realized i can tell them over the phone too, when the time feels right>i want to end this as safely and civilly as possible, get my life moving again, and finally have some peace, even though i expect the breakup to be messyComment too long. Click here to view the full text.
>>35024952I'll give you one: by playing along with her you're actually hurting her. Every time you let her get away with what she does, you're reinforcing that it works and gets her what she wants, which ultimately is to her own detriment. Enabling her bullshit drives her further into it. You should break up and cut all contact for your own sake, but for hers too. Living with and getting everything from someone who tolerates her bullshit puts a stop into any chance she might have at getting out of her self destructive routines and behaviours.
>>35024952Every once in a while I come back to this thread just to see you still haven't broken up with herMy honest opinion is that you need professional help, which you seem to be getting at least, go to that crisis center asap and tell them you want to break up
>>35024952>when the time feels right>next crisis center visit will focus on concrete steps toward a safe breakupNot to sound like a broken record, man, but... yeah, take the safe steps. But also:<---Assuming we won't hear from you again, so all the best, and I hope you become happy.
>>35024989Yeah, i know. I'm enabling her by being too spineless to leave.>>35025115Yeah. I told the crisis worker that, along with all the other stuff i've been thinking about. (He also thought i don't owe her my money.)Now i'm just figuring out how to actually do it. Knowing she might run after me if i leave while sending her the breakup message (which was my plan) makes things trickier.I told him that when i look at the whole situation on paper, it's absurd. One adult tells another they don't want to be in a relationship with them anymore, and the other refuses to accept it and threatens them with various things if they go through with it.I wish i could do this without needing everyone else's help, but i really need to get other people involved somehow. I'm just trying to figure out what that actually looks like.And some of you guys are probably right that i should put more effort into actually getting a job, too.>>35025498Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.
People who worked in a cinema, what was it like? Did it suck? What did you like and what did you hate?
>>3502017435mm oldfag here.Flirt with your coworkers as much as humanly possible. You'll never have this many forced late nights with cute girls again at any future point in your life. Realize the friends of the managers never get scheduled with anyone by accident. Smoking cigarettes will get you more effortless friends and more free breaks.Nothing will ever get the smell of popcorn out of your work clothes. Eating free popcorn on the clock can genuinely help with food bills, it's high in fiber and will make you feel full.Not many downsides for a part-time job. Upselling is predatory when families are spending $200+ to see the latest CGI slop-of-the-month children's movie, but you'll be expected to do it for minimum wage and will feel gross about it the whole time. Late nights and weekends can suck, volatile scheduling isn't great, popular kid and teen movie premiers can be a prep and cleanup nightmare, all around still beats fast food or kitchen work.Cleaning the fryer sucks, cleaning the popper sucks, customers suck. Concessions is the worst position. Usher is cushy when it's busy and you can scuttle around unseen, especially if you don't do toilets. Booth is always king.Best icee flavor is mixed, pretzel bites are best extra crispy, intentionally forgetting FIFO lets you damage out a surprising amount of candy for staff. Corporate doesn't really care. Make the most of complimentary tickets and see everything that's released. Try not to go alone if you can help it. It can be a great job for your social life. Late nights can wear you down over time if your life is full in other areas.You can also become a lifer, if you really want to. Worked with a guy who worked his way up from minimum wage projector guy to general manager, corporate chain, took all the stock options, built a decent life without more than a bit of night school as required for promotions. It's possible, but you'll pay in other ways.Would recommend it as a minimum wage first job to anyone.
>>35022321notOPcool story, i read it in full.too bad i dont really watch movies and dont own a TV; i like to keep my subconsiousness cleanalso the movie theaters here are all closing, they are in the red. ppl just stream on line nowadays
i got sick just as became a teenager. really sick. dropped out of school, spent years bedridden. my entire career as a teenage girl i spent online in bed. i feel like to become an adult woman i need to hit some benchmark experiences of being a teenager but it's too late and i'm forever going to be this weird atypical mutant maladjusted womanchild carrying unresolved angst everywhere i go. i never got to experience teenage love. i've never held hands. it scares the shit out of me still, but what guy in his twenties is going to want to let a woman his age be awkward about a kiss on the cheek or flirting? fuck, who would even BELIEVE i wasn't just messing with them? even incels are gonna be all in a rush to prove they can crush pussy and be chad instead of being willing to take it so slow its genuinely retarded and embarassing. i don't know how to move on without just larping like i already grew up when i really just skipped straight from twelve to twenty. and i cant just fake it without immense discomfort and making huge mistakes, like, after those experiences i didnt have, who would i become? how would i act with sex and dating and men? i dont know and i cant just make it up! its impossinle.oh wise old dudes online, what the fuck do i do. i would ask my dad but he's a deadbeat. you guys practically raised me. somehow.for what its worth i think you made me funny. at least.
>>35024667The age of 12-20 is when people make their most life altering mistakes. Skipping over it isn't even a bad thing. You don't have to make mistakes or suffer in order to learn. If anything having to deal with slightly more mature people that aren't absolute hell-spawn as your peers will if anything help you catch up faster with way less teenage years trauma.If you want my advice as someone that spent way too long in college there's no point in life where you become an adult. A diploma didn't do that for me and neither did getting a job. Having money is much better than not having any but nothing changed besides my ability to do and buy shit I want. People also tend to assume that having sex is some sort of ladder to adulthood but I've read enough people forcing it through with prostitutes or practice girlfriends that realize that nothing changed.A lot of what you're going through is perfectly normal even for people that are almost 10 years older than you. I'm sure you can find someone that's mature enough not to just want to smash pussy and even for those that do I'm sure that you can find someone that's patient enough to at least wait until you're ready. Successful relationships aren't built on sex but intimacy is a part of them, and there are a lot of ways to display intimacy so sex isn't the only one.>what the fuck do i doI would say that you don't need to do anything and that it'll all sort itself out but I've also done enough nothing to know that nothing ever happens when you're passive. Do things at your own pace, but do something. You can fill your inexperience bit by bit, but nothing will ever change if you expect other people to reach out to you. Put yourself out there and have an open mind for new experiences. Get a job, make some friends and maybe go on a date. You'll be fine.
>>35024667The real outside world is full of lonely inexperienced people, you have this warped view due to living on the internet all your life. It will be very easy for you to find someone gentle enough to guide you through your inexperience or someone just as inexperienced as you. Just keep in mind they're not going to be chads, chads have a set of expectations and you only have them for a brief "turn" that becomes shorter with your unwillingness to put out
>>35024676ok sure, maybe, maybe there's guys who match my damage or something close. billions of people, there has to be, but isn't that just saying like, oh, there's plenty of fish in the sea. but what do i DO? how do i even fish? how do i NOT fish for the wrong type? i have no idea what i'm doing!>>35024700if i "just chill" i will lose even more time than i have (seven years!!!!) and it will eat me alive
>>35024887>teenage love is worthlessyeah as if you'd know>>35024903i'm pretty sociable i'm just kind of rude and more edgy than i mean to be thanks to years of desensitizing. i just don't know how to act less like a scared thirteen year old and more like someone in her twenties who actually knows what she's about.>>35024917thats exactly the opposite of what im saying. im still STUPID like a kid so i still need to MAKE mistakes to grow up, but im not a kid anymore so all the mistakes will be worse and nobody is gonna be there to cover for me. my life has been paused for like almost a decade and im losing my mind at the idea that what i have to do now is WAIT. kill me.
>>35026021Any mistakes you could possibly make aren't going to be worse than if you had made them 10 years ago. Other adults are not going to be as bad as kids.Plus I didn't tell you to WAIT I told you to DO SOMETHING. What makes an adult isn't age but circumstances. It won't take you 10 years to catch up to where you feel you should be at.What do you want to do and what can you do?
How do I get rid of my extreme self-hatred and impending fear that I will never, ever be allowed to get what I want in life?Context: I'm a woman in my 30s who was diagnosed with level 1 autism (formerly Asperger's) when I was a kid in the 90s, back when girls were only diagnosed if we had serious behavioural issues. I was gaslit to hell and told that because I was autistic I would always be a stack of shit and I would have no other future than to be a couch potato for the rest of my life. It was always pounded into me that I was inadequate in everything, even the things I was good at.Now here I am madly in love with a man. He's a teacher and YouTuber with a decent following who happens to live in my city. I've had a few terse conversations with him online and I believe he's nearly perfect for me. The problem is, he's already in a relationship. He told me that he and his partner are going through a turbulent time and they may separate pretty soon. Obviously, I would jump at this opportunity to ask him to be with me, but the problem is, I feel like I'm way too inadequate for him since I'm autistic and have communication issues and such. If I "steal" him away from his current partner, there's a very big chance I'll fuck up our relationship, he'll dump me, and he'll be left with nothing, which I don't want. I want to be romantic with him but I keep feeling that I'll ruin him and he'll be mad at me if I do. I feel like God wants me to die alone because I'm never good enough for anyone. Any advice?
>>35017823Maybe loving yourself and having some self worth you pathetic autistic retarded bitch.
>>35018141And how do I do that?
>>35017823And autistic women are... what?
Bump
>>35014624No man will ever love you fucking ugly bitch, kys immediately.
I made my best friend hate me because I would always dump my relationship problems on her, then I tried to be friends with someone who was rude to her and ultimately was rude to me as well and made a complete ass of myself. Now she barely talks to me. No matter how much I apologize. I don't know what I can do. In the end, both with my ex-gf, and with the other friend I had, when it came down to choosing between them (my ex literally gave me the ultimatum to drop my friend or we were done) and I chose that friend each time. But I put a lot of strain on our friendship by trying to "compromise" and keep both. My ex-gf was toxic anyway and I have a new gf now, and I don't miss the other friend who was a piece of shit, but I made my best friend mad at me forever and honestly I will never get over it. I have no one else who understands me. Most of my friends IRL are tranny worshipping zoomer fags. I wear a mask with all but a couple of them who aren't faggots. So I only have like 1 or 2 real close friends. It's not about the numbers of it though, it's caring about one person in particular and I do not know what to do.How do you fix something like this? My ex is gone, the other friend is gone and good riddance to both. But I can't do anything more to redeem myself in those situations. They are over. All that is left is the frustration and tension I caused. I don't know what I can do. It makes me angry every day what a stupid thing I did trying to compromise, I literally would argue with my ex and that ex-friend about the same things, but in the end I was loyal. And it didn't matter. And I really regret it and hate myself for not just dropping them immediately. And now I feel like I have permanently ruined my friendship with my best friend because of it.
What's done is done. You very well may have ruined your friendship with your best friend and all you can do is brutally accept it and move forward making sure not to repeat the same mistake again. It sucks and it's a horrible thing to experience losing a close friend but at the end of the day a relationship is a two-way street and if they're not reciprocating then the person you were once friends with is not there anymore and neither are you. Good luck anon
>>35018567Is there any way I can redeem myself to someone proactively?I really wanted a mutual enemy we had to harass me, instead of her, but that didn't happen, so I had no chance to redeem myself. I never ever betrayed her I simply disagreed and argued and I tried to compromise by staying friends with people who hated each other. But when it came down to it, I always picked that friend when I had to choose in an ultimatum. I hate ultimatums. I hate losing friends. And yes ultimately I did give my best friend stress when I tried to remain friends with people who were shit human beings. And I regret it. And I told her I will not make any more friends like that. Or girlfriends. I learned my lesson. But it feels like it was too late.
>>35019256You can redeem yourself insofar as you change your patterns of behaviour and identify why you even acted this way in the first place; that doesn't necessarily lead to your best friend forgiving you and things go back to normal. It will, maybe, lead to you forgiving yourself only after you've done the hard work of mental change and you'll be able to avoid situations like this in the future. Not to downplay it but it seems like you're pretty young (maybe early 20s) and this shit happens to a lot of people and it does suck but it will get better as you move on. Your best friend is also changing as a person and you may reconnect in the future but you should live your life as if it won't happen. I just recently reconnected with a friend I haven't talked to in over a year and our reconciliation only worked out because I started to live my life as if we never would interact again i.e. moving on wholeheartedly.Ask yourself what you feel exactly. Is it shame for acting in a certain way and fucking things up? Is it internal guilt for hurting your closest friend? Is it regret that you should've acted differently? Is it desperation or urgency that you're losing out on a close friend that "truly understands" you, making them a rare commodity? etc. etc. Then, more importantly, ask yourself what you're actually gonna do about it instead of ruminating.Your identity or who you feel like you are doesn't matter at all. Your zoomer fag friends don't understand you because there is no "you" to understand. Your best friend doesn't understand you, only the sum total of your actions. The only thing that matters is what you choose to do and how you act everyday. To answer your question: you can redeem yourself proactively by forgetting about trying to redeem your self, or your personal identity in relation to your best friend, and focusing on how to change your actions so that you stop hurting the people around you. Pick up a hobby. Soccer, or knitting, maybe.
>>35021039We're both in our 30s.I know the whole thing seems really childish but I did act in a dumbass way. I don't really feel shame, so much as I just feel bad that I ruined something special, and hurt her feelings as well, or at least made her disgusted by me. It came about because I tried to compromise and maintain relationships with people who hated each other and left me in the end. I feel like the longest-lasting friendships are not super-close ones. I feel like super-close friendships that involve a lot of venting to each other end up burning out because of all that buildup of emotion and the inevitable arguments that come from being friends with people who will truly tell you what they think. There is no social lubricant of agreeableness. I had this in high school too. I'm still kind of friends with a couple of those guys but not really. I just want to make it better.
>>35023641I agree with everything you said. I actually lost my friend from a brief but intense connection where we would argue our opinions and things got too heated and friendships which lack that are more "safe" but less meaningful IMO.Your emotions are valid and you definitely want to make it better but what really sucks is that there's nothing you can do for your best friend anymore unless she reaches out to you in the future. I wish I had something else to say but really you just gotta move on and the brutal march of time will numb the regret enough that you may improve yourself later, but for this specific situation there is nothing you can do to remedy it on your own terms. The ball is in your bestfriend's court, just leave it there. It's her responsibility if she wants to be your best friend again and it's your responsibility to accept that you fucked up and there's nothing to fix this situation; there is only the opportunity to experience new situations in life with new people
hello, it's my second post here!well, recently things have been going great and i sorta figured out a bed situation with my lovely gf, or so i thought. we had sex, like an actually good sex i would say, but i couldnt bring myself to climax. on the contrary, a couple days later, i was given an opportunity for some gooning and oh boy what a fun i had! that made me realize - what if i might not be interested in people, then? or rather in an actual sex with them? does that make me an asexual? should i do something about or accepting? talk it out with my gf?but then something else occured to me - there's a lack of flavour in everything around me recently, be it job, social meetings, hobbies, even gaming and anime feels bland recently. so i figured out that mayhaps this asexuality could be the product of said apathy, but what could cause this apathy then? i do take antidepressants, but no matter if i increase or lower the dose its still the same. i just feel stupid and cant figure it out, how do i work around it? how can i enjoy sex, enjoy life again? this past month has been so ass i feel like it would be better to break out with my love so she can experience an actual relationship instead of this shell i provide. any ideas?
>>35025455> i do take antidepressants, but no matter if i increase or lower the dose its still the sameTalk to your prescriber. This may be the root cause, even if it's not apparent at first.
I've a "virgin only wife or nothing" sort of a brother. He is reasonably good looking, about 6'1-6'2(I'm 5'9 and he is more than half a skull taller than me), makes 6 figures, is planning to become a "startup bro" and is appaled by the modern dating scene and the women involved in it. I want to convince him that there's nothing wrong in dating & marrying a non-virgin woman, but he is absolutely disgusted by the prospect of having children with these types. He literally sees non-virgin women as whores. I tried to gaslight him by saying that it's objectification & dehumanization to categorize women with a past as vermins, but he counters it by saying that it's even more pathetic, lowly & verminous of men who marry ran through women, as such an act not only taints the man's honour, but also that of his would-be children. I also tried to shame him by saying that only insecure, impotent, non-masculine men care about a woman's past, but he won't budge. How do I convince this autismo to change his outlook on life and not to waste his potential all away?Also, How many men out there are actually repulsed by non-virgin women when it comes to marriage? I couldn't find many, but I fear there could be a lot of closet virgin fetishists that I'd imagined.
>>35011145anyone who isn't married and has sex outside of marriage is a whore. that is what the word etynologically means not exactly prostitute.
>>35007779Why would he not go for 18 year olds?
>>35021068nta but don't you think virgins between 23 to idk 28 are the best, simply because they're young enough to have healthy children and still disciplined enough to have protected their virginity. In the same vein, a 30 year old virgin woman is infinitely better than a 20 year old ran through whore
>>35015869Snowflake plug?
>>35018245Foids cannot meme.
Growing up, my parents systematically molded me to be subservient. They constantly compared me to everyone i knew a damaging habit they still refuse to drop today. iam currently stuck living with them because i am in college and cannot afford to move out, a situation made even harder because my grades are suffering.Lately i've been overwhelmed by a deep, suffocating sense of selfloathing. i struggle to respect myself or even figure out how to function like a "normal" person. I only truly realize how warped my reality is during rare, fleeting boosts of confidence. In those moments of clarity, I look back and realize how profoundly humiliating my everyday behavior is: i constantly make myself the butt of the joke, invite people to laugh at me, overapologize for even existing!, and live in absolute terror of confrontation. Yet paradoxically, stepping outside of that trauma response feels terrifying; feeling genuinely happy or acting "normal" feels incredibly awkward and uncomfortable.I deeply resent my parents for what they did to me. The proof of their damage lies in my sisters, who were spared from being beaten over every minor inconvenience and were never subjected to constant degradation. Unsurprisingly, they turned out completely normal. It makes me want to cry when I contrast their lives with how shitty i feel. Now, i only find solace in total isolation. I avoid interacting with anyone because I can no longer tolerate the agonizing overthinking that follows, nor can I stand being treated as a joke even when things actually go my way.
Man, trauma, I'm gonna add my own esoteric twist to this OPI was there 10 years ago, I was afraid of every interaction, to go buy food, I was afraid of walking on the street. Basically I was a lower life form that didn't have the basic capacity of functioning normally, for example some guys could walk alone at night because they had the basic drive/capacity to defend themselves. I wasn't that, I didn't have the basic aptitude to exist on my own.That all changed when I decided to add psionic weight to every action. When I decided that my singular person is enough, and that I didn't need any outside factor to allow me to exist. My own singular existence was all that I needed to exist. I didn't need any permission, I didn't need any reason, I didn't even need any motivation. My whole single full existence was all the reason to exist. If anything wanted me gone, anything could try to erase me from existence.If you think I shouldn't be here or I shouldn't do this or that, then you're welcome to stop me. I invite opposition because that sharpens my ultimate form. In opposition I refine myself, in contrast I reveal my method.That's the moment when I first gained awareness of what I call "psionic weight" basically the stuff that leaves a print onto reality.These days I invite opposition and conflict, I welcome it. I can't wait for it, every uncomfortable interaction, every hard talk, every stressful moment only hardens my resolve and sharpens my edge. And interestingly enough, everywhere I go I leave the place better than the state I found it in. Tension builds up and people are afraid of the snap, I cause it. And every time it snaps, the result is always something better.
>>35024867ok
>>35024622I've had my fair share of traumatic experiences growing up and ended up feeling exactly like you. My youth is mostly gone as a result.Life is not fair, and people get "happy" lives many times don't deserve while other people who are suffering worse than you don't deserve it either. Life isn't about being fair, though, it's about being fulfilled, and those people who you see as happy are fighting a lot in their own marriage life and will find ways to make their superior circumstances miserable. You gained the necessary experiences to be better than them, you just need to act on it.
>>35024622>>35024636>>35024698My parents framed me for crime after crime, and basically used that strategy to keep ke trapped with them like Cinderella. They would spread lies far and wide that I was a freak, predator, etc, until one day, after years and years, people figured them out and started avoiding them. By the time they turned 60 people started asking questions. Like, if he’s so bad why are you forcing him to live with you? Thats how my life got fixed. After a certain amount of time goes by people will start to sniff out the truth on their own. Eventually I was eventually able to beat them in court and got my freedom.
>>35025718>Eventually I was eventually able to beat them in court and got my freedom.fucking based. All the best, dude!
Every person I have met is fake, never met someone that would come a few steps towards me, to ask me how I am, I always had to be the first one to ask them how they are, what do I do? Should I push everyone away who is like this to me?
>>35024961How are you?
I THINK ITS OKAY TO ASK PEOPLE FIRST ANON. AT FIRST YOU MIGHT THINK ITS TIRESOME TO APPROACH BUT LOOK AT THIS FROM THE OTHER PERSPECTIVE - YOU ARE THE ONE PLAYING CARDS HERE BECAUSE YOU CAN CHOOSE ONLY THE INTERESTING PEOPLE AND SKIP THE BORING INTERACTIONS OF NORMIES.ENJOY THE INTERESTING DIALOGUES AND SKIP THE WORTHLESS ONE, YOU ARE THE PAIN PLAYER ANON.
>>35024961Because you are living in a city. Move to the countryside.
>>35025204Grow up npc
>>35024961>what do I do?Nothing>Should I push everyone away who is like this to me?No. We live in a society
What to do? I feel like any hopes I had have been crushed by simply being ugly and that tainting most of my life. Vain as it may be, my biggest aspiration genuinely was just to be pretty and feel pretty. Not saying that men don't suffer with this too but women are judged way more for looks and men are more open with their disgust. So many doors seem closed, I can't pretend to socialise because I know they'll be looking at my face and probably looking down at me, I can't care about looks because I don't want to be a pig in lipstick or to be laughed at for trying to look nice when I'm ugly, I will never feel pure or innocent and as I'm turning 22 I am ageing and will have had a wasted invisible youth where nobody paid even a slither of attention except to mock me. I don't know what to do. I'm so angry and hateful and any hope I attain will be ruined the second someone questions why that ugly bitch thinks she is entitled to be seen as anything other than a joke and a ugly freak. I can get a BF (any woman can) but I would feel so ugly there's no point. He wouldn't be satisfied and I would feel so disgusting. I can't see a future for myself where I have confidence and can be a real human being taken seriously and viewed as someone sweet and delicate for once. I thought I would accept living as a repulsive outcast and come to embrace it out of spite if nothing else but it hurts more as I grow. I am not entitled to being a female or a human. If I wasn't close with my parents I would troon out. And no I'm not fat. I've always been anorexic. I walk for 30-45 minutes most days, have a good diet and I do skincare. Can't afford surgery and I would feel like a cheat. My face is just really bad (also British and autistic with FAS features if that helps put it in perspective).
>>35023259Hello Kouva, you've been making this thread for like 5 years, what's the point even? Are you collecting pity points or what.Just like it's been pointed out many times before you're not even remotely ugly at all. Even if you've been a model you would've still thought of yourself as an uggo with your mentality.People are mocking you because you're an outcast that's distancing herself from people on purpose, not because you're "ugly"I think you're not delusional and you know that you're above average in looks and are probably coping.I honestly don't know what your actual issue is, it's pretty hard to decipher since I don't know if you're being 100% honest. If you are - then you are delusional for sure and you're in a self-imposed prison, no matter how people praise you - you'll think they're not being genuine, it seems impossible to convince you of the obvious.Aside from the self hating you're a pretty cool and talented person that seems to be fun to be around. Someone just needs to physically drag you out of your shell since you're doing everything to not escape it. I've seen many such cases.
>>35023259>HTF fanThat's automatically a green flag for me. Let's cuddle under the blanket and binge watch the show together <3
>>35023259>If I wasn't close with my parents I would troon out.That's the ticket.I don't like "egg culture" but in my experience everyone who says shit like this troons out eventually. You'll be 25, 30, 40, 50 or something and you'll start roiding. Sigh.
>>35025074Troon shill
>>35023259At least you don't get a bunch of unwanted attention
