>be me, 31 yo about to enter a residency training.> have to do adjunctship first. > have to do literally do slave labor for 1 month > done with adjunctship> process papers> get a call from another hospital> “Hi OP, consultant referred you to us. Would you like to train at our program?”> Say no thank you> hang up and wonder what does this mean> hospital I did adjunctship already said I was accepted> but why would an attending there refer me to another program?> overthink in circles> now I’’m scared that the whole department doesn’t really want me and is banking on me not following through. What do I do?
>>34586938
I thought I was getting better but I've been having a really bad relapse the last couple days. I miss her so fucking bad.
>>34580846Actual advice, it's what I've been doing as I'm going through the same as OP. The only way to get over something is to distance yourself and focus on something else. You're not going to have it perfect like >>34580856 is implying, you're still gonna have her in your mind sometimes, but it's gonna be a smaller piece of you as the days fly by>>34586821That's retarded, you choose 100% of your thoughts as if you were computing information? You never see something cute and think "oh I know she would love to see this" or maybe you play a game and be like "damn I wish she could be playing this with me, she loves this game"? Anon is describing the pain of having someone invading his mind because of how much he feels for them, you're describing some control fantasy.
>>34580778I am in the same position OP. It's hard. If anything I'm way worse and than you and pathetic. Got broken up right at the end of April 2023, still have intrusive thoughts about it and about her or the things we did, association with objects or concepts does not help me, either. I do have to clarify many friends were lost along the way, a bunch of backstabbing happened, which made me paranoid and very much hopeless about people, I was even borderline suicidal about it.I can only guide you towards it hurting less. Not even it not hurting. Inmediately distract yourself if you have an episode, do not spiral down by entertaining your thoughts and letting your imagination flow. You'll have to bite the bullet and take a deep breath before your mind goes places on autopilot. I know it's tough because it happens frequently but try to think of something completley separate if you can, maybe busy yourself with a task and think of something at the same time if your brain is too active.If possible, meet new people and become active, socially speaking. Meeting new people is something that might make you stay more in the moment instead of reflecting on your past and stuck on little scenarios or "what-could-have-been"s. That's the most important thing. Keep yourself in the present, not stuck on what was, what isn't or what could not or will not be. If possible, seek therapy. You have a history of OCD already and from what I understand it can either be triggered due to certian experiences or maybe you don't have the full traits to be clinically diagnosed with it but have a strong set of predespositions associated with it, do keep in mind OCD also has something called "Pure O", meaning full intrusiveness and the negative effects but without the compulsions or rituals associated with OCD.Best of luck OP, I will keep reading as I also need help for this but got little resources.
>>34586875OP here, OCD anon wasn't me. However, I have had my own suspicions of pure O. Fortunately, I've been on lexapro since a big episode at the end of 2024 and it's mostly stayed down aside from limerence.
>>34586882My apologies. I've misread then OP. Glad lexapro has helped.I have also been on lexapro in smaller than average doses that I cut off after a bit less than a year due to a careless and negletcful psychiatrist and lack of funds. The first few weeks (perhaps 2 months or so) worked but then everything starting feeling as always.I'd say this somewhat reinforces what I recommended I suppose, as you identified problems and have some fixes, but you need methods in order to keep it at bay.If you have a therapist and deem them capable, do talk about your pure O suspicions. They may know how to treat OCD and have resources that could help much more than what I'm talking about, maybe strategies or methods to control the intrusive thoughts.Last I can say (and just in case) is to not beat yourself over this. You don't choose to have intrusive thoughts, they happen and they don't follow rationality, it's mostly pattern recognition or your imagination acting up in weird ways out of your control.
>>34586832Thoughts that arise spontaneously are the result of prior thoughts that were chosen deliberately. There are men who have walked to their deaths calmly, because of the thoughts they chose to have about death. If they can do that, anyone can get himself to stop thinking about his adolescent crush.
I am tempted to try dating apps. I'm currently broke and have no car. It's hard for me to fix my situation because I'm in college so I can't get a decent job until I finish my degree. So, I just want to try dating casually just to have experience meeting and talking to women. Maybe even finding friends. I don't like the idea of hooking up because I get addicted to things easily because of my ADHD. I'm also just terrified of losing my virginity in general. I'd rather lose it to a girl I really like which I doubt I'll find on any dating app
>>34586606>deceiving people about your intentions is not okaysays whogoogle 'scrub mentality sirlin' that's you>>34586508a buddy of mine got his gf in the following way>be kinda 4/10 guy, ugly but well spoken and funny at times>go on dating apps stating explicitly "only looking for friends">meet random people>keep on going out and meeting random people>some woman introduces him to her friend>date her>gf
>>34586508>Going on dates without any intention of having sexThat's pretty much every girl on a dating app these days just be ready to cover all the expenses.
>>34586651>says whoNTA, but literally everyone who isn't a psychopath says that.
>>34586725you say "not a psychopath" I hear "loser"take advantage of people as much as you can get away with, because the successful ones do NOT hesitate in the context of dating / apps, this means telling women what they wanna hear. once you know how to talk to women, you'll have access to more pussy than you can handle.OP's way is convoluted and not efficient but I guess keeping some sort of moral integrity is important to him. too bad.
>>34586508Why are you mutts so utterly fucking psychotic about meeting women?You can just meet a woman , hit it off and have sex. Having sex doesn't oblige you to anything, and no you don't need to have money to enjoy awomans company and vice versa.Seriously, what kind of retard psyop did you fall for? That you need to consooom real estate the sceond you nut inot a girl or something? Makes utterly no sense. No wonder that so many of you end up as incels when you refuse to have sex during fuck around prime time aka university.
I can’t stop thinking about Miss Universe’s ass (from when her skirt fell down).To me I’ve never seen an ass so perfect, but everyone on these boards says it’s flat.Are they just trolling? To me she has a perfect ass (tone, shape, size). I can’t stop thinking about it.
>>34584640Hard to believe a Miss Universe has a flat assSounds like BS from you
>>34584648it was the stile of the time, and her ass is small, flat and flabbyyou look at the video, it must still be on youtube, miss universe wardrobe malfunction
>>34584604>leave this shithole for 5 years>come back in 2026 a.d.>see two threads about miss universe's ass in two weeksThis website is dead and the dead internet theory is no longer theory
>>34584188He's mentally ill. He's also the guy who posts "why won't women fuck me/maidenless man", "my mother made me strip in front of my doctor's 14yo daughter", "how do you prevent they put drugs in you suitcase", "I texted a girl is it sexual harassment", "my brother/cousin/uncle is being starved in prison" and "will I get bullied as an Italian in X" threads.
>>34586868He’s been at it since almost 7 years now, absolutely astonishing the power of autism
>36>no attention from women ever>get to a healthy BMI, lift heavy weights>make multiple dating app profiles>zero matches Ok. So every single woman I have ever met and ever will meet things I am disgusting shit that deserves to die. And every single person I work with or see on the street would laugh at me if they saw me die a painful death.Now what?
>>34584139are you indian?
>>34584139>Now whatits a gameaccept you suck at this and get betterfind a mentor, online resources, hire a coach, try self-teaching. there are billions of waysI went the 'keep self improving while trying with random women' route and ended up being rejected for more than a year (avg 1 woman per week)now I'm doing fine
>>34584139Face is more important than body. Did you>straighten your teeth?>whiten your teeth?>get a good haircut from a stylist that doesn’t suck?>see a dermatologist to prescribe you tret?>get your body fat below 15%?If you answer no to any of these, you’re not done. You’ll also need good photos and it doesn’t sound like you have those yet.
>>34584139>No luck with women.>I deserve to die and people want me dead.C'mon OP, that's unrealistic and you know it. You simply got dealt a bad hand at best and ignored at worst, you'll probably be able to count the people who have found you geniuenly abhorrent with your fingers if you got a full list.Dating is hard as is, especially late to mid 30s, less people to choose from and all that.I am not close to 30 yet, maybe what I say has no validity because of it, but if a poor fuck like me could date for 6 months and get his dick wet a few times, anyone can.You are wrong in thinking that being strong and physically fit will get you women, though. I am surrounded by them due to my field of studies and let me tell you I've heard so many opinions on it that there's barely any standard, maybe height and looking male (as in, not looking androgynous/like a woman). I'm not saying you have a bad personality, but I do think you'll have to do some introspection about it to at least rule that possibility out. Doesn't take much, going back to me as an example, I've been told just being a good listener and doing little gestures like walking down the rain with an umbrella helped in being thought of as attractive. Good luck out there.
>>34586855Also for the love of Christ almighty and the heavens up above do NOT hire a dating coach or anything like that, it's a bs scam that at most is pseudo-science. Research about body language or how to appear more friendly, how to be kind, those things.
how do you deal with the damage done by women never having shown any attraction to you?its affecting my sexuality, since i can't even suspend disbelief for a scenario where a woman is attracted to me.i work out, diet, lookmaxx etc basic shit as everyone does.more info: i had one 'gf' years ago but she didnt respect me and wasn't attracted to me. ive asked 3 coworker women out for coffee at different workplaces and all said nah. 25yo.
>>34583658do u have a blessed spirit? are you part of a community? are you good at stuff? are you interesting? women are nice but they're kind of a red herring... better to try answering yes to those things cause otherwise it sounds like youre focusing on superficial things..btw a woman will want to have coffee with you if youre interesting.. talk to them for a while, maybe one likes convo w/youits good though that you're exercising cause that means you know the mechanism that can make everything happen
>>34583658>lookmaxxYour brain is infected with memes that are guaranteeing your misery. Women owe you nothing. You only have yourself to blame if you aren't getting laid. You only have yourself to blame if not getting laid is causing """damage"""
>>34583658>has asked 4 women out >1/4 of them said yesyou have a record 90% of this board would kill for. foh fake problem humblebrag
>>34583673this is non sequituri do agree with me being the problem, my world view guiding me, but i have no clue what i do to better my position. >>34583670conversing with people, i only can do fun superficial chit chat or ideology driven chud rants, little 'normal' sort of normie conversation. just the way i am.i am good and seem to be relied up at work at least, since i put a lot of effort to working>>34583668work is definitely the best place to meet womenRN btw
>>34583658Reminder that the most influential man if all time, Jesus Christ, never had a wife, and kings and emperors bowed down to His name for the last 2000 years. Even if you're not a religious person, you can see that it will make you free from this burden, always being an example that is above you, serving as a sacrifice and driving others who suffer less onwards.If you have no humility to go one mile further, and willing to reject this desire for the sake of goodness, you cannot be helped.
>be me>27 y.o literal Angel on Earth>2 meters tall, handsome, with a good career>after 5 years of solo psychotherapy my therapist puts me in group therapy>all the other people in the group are loser woke muh feelz women>have to force myself out of rolling my eyes when they are talking about their stupid meaningless lives>last session I even got indirectly asked if I've raped a woman.I just don't see the point anymore with these man haters
>>34584389group therapy probably yes try regular therapy instead makes it easier to be honest
>>34584389I can't imagine the kind of mind you would have to have for group therapy with random people to actually work.>last session I even got indirectly asked if I've raped a woman.You could have some fun with that question, if your response is phrased very carefully.>It's very interesting that you would ask such a charged question of me, a stranger. Do you think this level of innate misandry helps you in life?then wait for the 'not all men but all rapists', then start clutching pearls and racebaiting.>Would you ask a black man if he has ever committed an armed robbery? I am deeply offended and shocked and may wish to escalate this
>>34584389How to make 15x the amount of money you do as a therapist? Just place all patients in the same room and call it group therapy, lol
OP here for an update>made an appointment with a male therapist that does CBT>the session went really well and it really felt like I could be understood by the therapist and I could talk about anything without worrying much about being covertly judged (I worried about that with my ex therapist who was female)>will be seeing him once a week>quit the female therapist that was seeing me and realized the only reason i didn't quit sooner was the sunk cost fallacyjust giving my experience in case anyone else is going through something similar
>>34584389>5 years of solo psychotherapy for whatyou forgot the important part there dumbass>hey guys my laptop computer is not working>what kind of sticker should I put on itthis is you
Why is no one able to find an effective method to become good at small talk and having conversations with everyone? Just talking and meeting to people doesn't do it and being cultured doesn't do it either since there are literal sub 70 iq retards that will conversate with anyone
>>34585349Does smoking works? Because I tried drinking and doesn't help, it doesn't make me more talkative
>>34585368It's a relaxer. I don't know you, so works or not that's up to you, but smoking can help make conversations easier or at least help with small talk, even with people who don't like you.
>>34585399Weed doesn't make people talk it has been documented
>>34585349>>34585368Maybe if its weed
>>34585341>Just talking and meeting to people doesn't do it what are you on about? it absolutely does.trial and error. practice makes perfect. etc. self-improvement in other areas plays a part too because people will respond more favorably if you're dressed well, have good posture, smell good, etc. creating a positive confidence feedback loop
Like it's their destiny? Just dealt a shit hand and fucked time after time again?Anytime they get hopefully it ends up being a waste?Anytime they need something good to happen it just doesn't work out?With no relief or release of the burden at any point in their life?Nobody helps, nobody sees them, and all they've ever been is neglected, and reality has shown this enough times over many many years to know it will never change?Please tell me I'm not the only one
Why let these eugenic believing hedonists win? Let me tell you what happens if they did win. Want to know what they would do? Wreck a home, smoke crack pots all day, play video games all the time, and pump and dump any girl in their home. That type of person you want to appease to? What about your teacher in high school who saw potential in you, ain't that person more worthy?
>>34585430None of that means you have to kill yourself, and it doesn't have to be a waste. You can take those experiences and turn them into compassion and understanding for others. Using your own painful past as a lesson and letting it guide you towards helping others in their moment of pain makes it all worth it.
>>34585430>Nobody helps, nobody sees them, and all they've ever been is neglected>Please tell me I'm not the only oneI see you. You are not invisible. I do not know your circumstances. I do not know what you have endured, what opportunities were denied to you, what losses you have suffered, or how often disappointment has visited you.But I do know one thing: A human being can only see life from where they are standing.When we stand in a valley, the horizon disappears. The mountains become the whole world. Yet the mountains are not the whole world. They are simply what is visible from that place.The troubles that dominate our thoughts often appear vast and immovable. They demand all of our attention. They persuade us that they are the central fact of existence. Yet life is always larger than the problems that occupy it. A person can spend years staring at locked doors and begin to believe that doors are all the world contains. Meanwhile, beyond those doors, seasons continue to change, people continue to meet one another, new paths continue to appear, and countless things continue unfolding without asking whether we have noticed them.The burdens are real. The disappointments are real. But they are not the whole of reality. There is more to existence than the troubles that presently fill our field of view. You are not invisible.
>>34585430No such thing as destiny. You are what you choose.
>>34585430I think it depends. Some things you can change others you cant. Wisdom lies in learning what you can change for the better and what else you cant change so you can only accept. Nobody is perfect
Today i need to get up early. But I overslept a bit. Mom came to me and hit me on the shoulder when I didn't want to get up. But I got angry and hit her hand, which made her mad and started hitting me with a towel. Then she called me stupid and threatened to break my computer and told me to get out of the house on all 4 sides after graduation. I can't take it anymore. What to do?
>>34584387She's black right?
>>34584398Nah, central asian haha. Or post soviet union
>>34584395Yeah, thank you. You're right. It's just really hard to deal with.
>>34584408normala axper chmtaces, imnela bozot
>>34584411Anon...I think he was being sarcastic.
I'm single but recently started work in a workplace where all the men have girlfriends, a few have wives and one is engaged.I have always found it weird that none of them call their gfs during lunch despite our lunches being an entire hour. Sure, their girlfriends may have differing schedules, but that seems unlikely.I grew up used to the idea that I should always call mum or maybe a friend during lunch so this is weird to me.My point isn't to tell off my collogues but rather to ask is this normal? Wouldn't you rather at least check in with a loved one than sit in your office eating alone or making small talk?
Everyone is pretty anti social these days like why the heck would i bother myself or someone else for some useless small talk
>>34585861I work from home now, so I always eat with my wife, but when we both worked in office I pretty much only called her if I needed something or if we randomly decided to eat lunch somewhere. Partly because our schedules didn't always sync, but mostly just because I think it's weird to have a familiar/intimate conversation over the phone in public.
>>34585861>I have always found it weird that none of them call their gfs during lunch despite our lunches being an entire hour.And then you find yourself on the other side - click with a girl at work, who never texts or calls anyone, never mentions anyone, and accepts all your advances, until you ask her out, and she tells you she has a boyfriend, because she's dating one of these.
>>34585861I think it is normal not to call during lunch, although people also would not think you were weird for calling your spouse during lunch. I prefer to talk with coworkers during lunch and make friends. I already spend my time after work with my wife, I like talking with other people during the day
>>34585861You are beyond pathetic.
I've been cconsidering suicide, I have a plan and date set up. I've been thinking about this for awhile now and I realized, yes, I could justify it. Here's a list of reasons of why and why not.Why I should kill myself:>27 year old NEET.>uncanny valley autism>can barely hold down a job, can barely handle stressful enviroments. I can't even be a fucking janitor because my retarded ass decided to have a panic attack.>had dreams of becoming a filmmaker or working in some kind of creative field, those dreams are dead because the economy is failing and i'm too autistic to handle the stress of the industry>started cutting myself again even though I haven't done it since I was a teenager>Horrifying, crippling OCD. I obsess over incredibly bizarre things most OCD-sufferers might struggle to relate to. I spent years of my life worrying if I had free will, if life had meaning, if I lived in a simulation, etc. So much of my youth was already stolen from me because my stupid brain can't stop questioning everything>OCD now tries to ruin arts and entertainment for me, the one last thing that's brought me joy, by asking me stupid questions like "are you really enjoying this?" and then I start fretting about going emotionally numb>I've gone emotionally numb. Very few things makes me happy anymore.>disgusted with my appearance, despite my devotion to the gym>cannot find girlfriend. I've had a few romantic encounters but they all ended before anything serious could start. Too autistic to flirt.>slowly witnessing the collapse of western civilization and i don't want to live to see it>tried medication, made things even worseComment too long. Click here to view the full text.
>>34583262Hey, thanks for your comment. It's nice to read something well thought out and compassionate on this site.Not-so-fun fact, I did lose a friend to suicide. She was a rather quirky, funny girl but towards the end of her days it was very clear she was troubled. She's probably the funniest woman I knew. I remember when my dad told me the news I really thought it was a prank she pulled. My sister discovered her body.Watching the impact on my friends was strange. It obviously caused a lot of pain. Her boyfriend was about to propose to her, he even had a ring. He couldn't bring himself to deliver a eulogy so he had to get a friend to do it. Her brother is probably the chillest, most non-serious guy on Earth, and when he got the news he basically just stopped talking for several days. I remember approaching her body at the wake, dressed beautifully but grey and lifeless, it was so unsettling.My last interaction with her was rather awkward. She was leaving on a trip with my sister, I said hi to her and she seemed distracted and annoyed.I thought about her suicide a lot, it's not something I can really blame her for. She was in her own mental prison, I understand why she did what she did, it feels wrong to demand that she would continue to suffer for everyone else's benefit. At the same time, I can't deny the pain she caused. Her asbense is still felt at parties, like there's this little void that can't be filled, despite her brother's efforts to keep everyone together.Your story with your friend is quite powerful, I'm glad it had a happier ending. I'm still "deciding" on what to do, I'll be seeing a therapist today. I'll keep what you said in mind.
>>34582826>Bible is murky on this oneChristianity in general is crystal clear about this: suicide is the absolute worst sin there is. If you spent every second of every day of your life doing good and then killed yourself, you would automatically end up enduring the worst horrors that Hell has to offer for the rest of eternity.
>>34582824Watch this, OP. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=69Z_5PF4O1AIt's about a guy that survived a suicide attempt.
>>34584810Unironically kys. Bible is fantasyslop. If God wants to punish someone for ending their suffering, then that’s a God who should not be worshipped.
>>34586245it's always this same guy, getting tired of him at this point
i really need to talk to you guys. i'm not doing well because of my own behavior. i made a thread here yesterday too about this tendency i seem to have to hurt my boyfriend.it came back. i wouldn't stop insulting him, putting him down, telling him i didn't love him i was full of hatred toward him for reasons i can't even explain. now i think he's disgusted with me and that he's going to pull away emotionally for good.i'm completely lost.
>>34580869I would definitely tell him to leave your bitch ass not gonna lie
>>34580869If this is a recurring thing, it might be BPD, in which case I strongly recommend you seek medical and psychological attention.In any case, what I believe you should do is apologize honestly, say that it isn't his fault, and then seek help. I recommend not engaging in further relationships until you get things under control within yourself.
>>34580869Have you been assessed for ADHD?
>>34580869>i wouldn't stop insulting him, putting him down, telling him i didn't love him i was full of hatred toward him for reasons i can't even explain.You couldn't control your behaviour, and don't even know why you were engaging in that behaviour?Are you undergoing any form of therapy? Clearly you need some help.
>>34580869hello! I have experienced something similar in my life that I'm trying to process myself. If you want we can chat over discord
Hey friends i really need help over here.I have a long relationship, around 7 years now. About three years ago i started working out and now i am in a really good shape, my face is also attractive and i improved my fashion game so overall i made a pretty good change.The thing is, i have never been the kind of guy who naturally attracted femenine attention, but now im in this position and im liking it more than i should. In the last months i have been approached by two coworkers, about three girls on parties and i have got a few explicit messages on language exchanging apps (im italian learning japanese)I know i need to stop this, but i dont know how, its so exciting getting the girls attention, a lot more if you come from not getting any since never. What can i do?
>>34584141Thanks for the advice friend, it is a good one. Do you have any tips on how to control that lust?
>>34584163Honestly, I'd say distance yourself from those people, but sometimes that's just not possible and maybe they're friends, so it may seem a little too harsh but you may need to set a clear boundary with some people. Even then, if you do say something like "hey, I am in a relationship and don't appreciate flirting/nothing is gonna happen between us" or anything that confronts the intentions of a girl, they may still keep going at it, and it's at this point that only distancing can work. Now, if you do feel attraction to some of them I can only recommend you get as far away from them as you can. I started enjoying too much attention from my gf's friend and started developing some feelings, immediately stopped talking to her, gaming, going out, all of it as soon as I noticed. Another way to gently undermine approaches by girls is to interject by mentioning your relationship.>Hey anon I can tell you work out>"Gee thanks my gf also really likes it"Type of shit women do ya know, if they talk about your clothes tell them you gf helped you choose and that she has good taste, stuff like that.
>>34583696The winner takes it allThe loser standing small
>>34584350Thanks friend. A lot of them already know that i am on a relationship, and they take it as a shield because they know nothing is going to happen between us (i would never cheat on her) to keep flirting. But i am also guilty, i dont necesarily encourage it but sometimes i let it slide or play algong just to fulfill my ego and feel the rush. I need to remove the craving of female attention from me in order to distance myself from this kind oh behaviour
>>34584364What do you mean by this anon?
Is it possible for society to stop being irony poisoned?
Here's how you deal with it. Listen to party music and blast every-time you see a libcuck try to get onto society about manners due to realistic and practical reasons. Do that enough and you get to my state of mind where I don't give a fuck and I just go with the flow no matter what. I learned this from characters in a dystopian novels who decided to keep going despite what the world they are in effects them. Keep partying despite the modern Nazi Regime that is now.
>>34586161Yes, but that would require culturally influential people (authors, songwriters, pundits, influencers) stop acting like irony-poisoned shitheads, which probably won't happen. Perhaps something truly horrifying - maybe a brief nuclear exchange between two countries - would force people to confront the harm that insincerity and reflexive cynicism cause. We're so far gone that even that might not change anything, though. If India and Pakistan nuked each other, would anyone really care? Even if like, 200 million people died? Would people decide the world needs to be taken seriously again? I don't think so. I think we'd shitpost through it, maybe get even more unserious. Silly jeets blowing each other up. lmfao.
>>34586305>India nukedGod pls.
>>34586161I do my part replying earnestly even in very ironic places like here where everyone is posting with an agenda or mockingly
>>34586161iron poisoning is the more concerning issue
